Blair Singer pulls five negotiation lessons from the 2020 presidential debate: know your outcome, control the questions, avoid accusations that trigger defensiveness, remember people remember how you made them feel, and choose between being right and getting what you want.
Wow, that was interesting. So what this video is about is why that first presidential debate failed and how you can win as a result of it. So you learn how to negotiate, how to and how to present properly. Okay, so this is non political, has nothing to do with Donald Trump or Biden or anything like that. But it was a classic example. I have spent the last 25 years teaching people how to present, how to teach public speak in front of two people, 20 people, thousands of people, even in arenas. So I couldn't pass up the opportunity. There are five amazing lessons here that you're going to benefit from whatever that train wreck was the other night for the first presidential debate. Okay, first of all, whether you're trying to sell something, whether you're trying to motivate, whether you're trying whatever you're trying to do, get crystal clear, number one, on what is your outcome, what is the outcome you want to get by the end of this? Now typically if you're in a sales presentation, you want to make a sale, if you're talking to your spouse, you want to get cooperation, if you talking to your team, you want to get them all pulling together to say what? Just be clear going in, what is your outcome and keep focused on the outcome of what you have in mind. So for like last night, it was clear that the only outcome that I could see from that debate was that both individuals, their outcome was to prove that they were not going to be bullied by the other person. That's it. Whether it was Biden or Trump or whatever, that they were going to stand up to the fight and that was it. Nothing about policy, nothing about the American people, nothing about any of that stuff. It was all them proving that they could not be out muscled or out bullied. Now if that's what they wanted, they succeeded. Although the exit polls show that very few people changed their mind about who they were voting for. So if that was, I thought that was the intended outcome. Okay, so be clear on your outcomes. Number two, we always know there's an old expression when you present that the person that asks the question is always in control. I'll say it again. The person that asks the question is always in control. So if you're going to use that strategy, you got to use that strategy. So the moderator asked some questions, but he didn't demand the. He did his best, but he couldn't get the answers. Each of the candidates talking to each other, if you ask a question and you let the other person not answer that question, they will continue to not Answer your questions. Okay, so the one thing that we know in presenting and selling, if you're going to ask a question, you, you got to get an answer. Now it's okay to give an answer once in a while, but you got to be willing to ask the questions and get the answers. If not, you lose total control, which is part of what happened last night. Number three. Number three, you saw a classic demonstration of what happens when you go into accusation mode. When you accuse somebody of something, rightly or wrongly, rightly or wrong, it doesn't make any difference if the truth or not. The truth is that when you accuse somebody of something, they immediately downshift into a lower part of their brain and it's the fight or flight stage. And so what they will do is automatically, intuitively, instinctively defend themselves. Now, if that's what you want, then that's fine again, if that's what you're trying to do. But that thinking is not cognitive thinking. That is what we call reptilian brain, limbic system, whatever you want to call system thinking, that's fight or flight. That I'm just going to dig my toes in, my heels in, and I'm just going to stay there now. So here's a little rule just on the side. I made a resolution for 20, 20, 2021. I'm going to stop calling people names, you know, or talking about people behind their back. It just, you know, we do it and we mean well, but it never, ever, ever has a positive outcome. Never. And the ripple effect of that is amazingly bad. So that's number three. Number four, two more. Number four, as a leader. Now this is true of you as a leader. That's a being a parent, owning a company, being a spokesperson, a thought leader, whatever. You've got to understand the context you're in. One thing we know, in negotiating, if you want to get a real deal done, it's one on one. Now, this was not that kind of a deal. This was a debate. Understandable. And a lot of people watching. So the minute I. A lot of people are watching, the whole context changes. How does it change? Remember this, if you remember nothing else, People don't remember anything you say. They very rarely get. Just ask. How many times have you ordered something in a restaurant and got back something other than what you ordered? People don't hear. Well, they don't. That's another whole topic. Okay, so they don't remember. But what they do remember, they don't remember what you say. They remember what they saw and how they felt. They remember what they saw and how they felt. So the way you demonstrate yourself is going to be what people remember. And typically, as a leader, you want to demonstrate the behavior you want. So you got two people fighting with each other, yelling at each other, accusing each other. I guarantee you over the weekend, that's going to be replicated in bars and restaurants and family meetings all over the place, because that behavior was demonstrated as okay behavior for a leader of the free world. Okay? So that's. So be careful about what you demonstrate, particularly when people are watching the final piece. Number five, I apologize. This is the most important, not number four. Number five is the most important, and that is this. When you're negotiating with your husband, with your wife, with your team, with your kids, with yourself, with friends, negotiating a sale, whatever it is, you gotta make a decision. Do you want to get what you want or do you want to be right? I'll say it again. Do you want to get what you want or do you want to be right? Now, it's possible to do both, but it doesn't always happen that way. In other words, if I'm talking with my wife or I'm talking with my kids, I can be right and pound my point of view. And I'm just going to create more distance, more division, and I'm not going to get what I want, which is cooperation and agreement. I'm just not going to get it. Now, I would say never compromise your values. Don't lie and don't do those things. But you got to make a decision in 20, 20, 21. One of the biggest shifts in communication because so many people are gaining a voice for themselves, is you have to make a decision whether you want to get what you want, if you want to help somebody else get what they want, which is what sales is all about. Or do you want to be right? Do you want to be right? Okay, so again, if I looked at the debate, there was a big, big intention for both candidates to be right. If they wanted votes, they didn't get them. Okay? So if that's what they wanted, they got to be right in each area. I think. I don't know. I still can't figure that out. But I don't think they got what they wanted, which was to move people to their point of view, to their side of the fence. Okay? So again, it's about 20, 20, 2021. And what that debate proved to me is that these are just five rules. I mean, there's. We spend days, we do master facilitator programs, powerful sales presentations, how to do all this stuff. But I just thought that these were five critical lessons that turned the first debate into a train wreck, but are going to help you win because in there were clear examples of what not to do when you're trying to get what you want or you're trying to help somebody else get what they want. Okay, so hopefully this helps. If you have any comments, comment back. Welcome. Positive, negative, whatever it is. Again, apolitical. That has nothing to do with the politics. It has everything to do with the strategy of what you do when you go in to try to negotiate something, debate something, sell something, or to just get what you want. Okay, so be an amazing communicator.
