S4:E101🎙️Live with Valerie Martinelli! (Multi Tracks Audio)

Hi, I'm John Maxwell. When the top companies in the world are looking for trainers, speakers, and coaches, there's one name that stands above the rest, and that's Maxwell Leadership. Our certified team members have gotten proven results for companies all over the globe, and our reputation, I'm proud to say, is second to none. Some of our members have risen to the top of their profession, including the one you're going to meet today. I proudly introduce you to my friend, Bob Fabien Zinga.

Welcome to the Leadership Success Podcast with your host, Coach BZ, where we help you lead with purpose and succeed with impact. If you're ready to grow into the kind of leader others want to follow, this podcast is for you. If you're determined to elevate your success and leave a lasting legacy, this podcast is for you. As my mentor, Dr. John C. Maxwell, reminds us, everything rises and falls on leadership. Our goal is simple: to inspire you, challenge you, and equip you with insights that can transform the trajectory of your leadership journey. Welcome aboard to another episode of the Leadership and Success Podcast with Coach BZ.

Hi, this is Valerie from Valerie Arnelli Consulting. We've been in business since 2016, and since that time we have helped hundreds of job seekers just like you to find new roles, land promotions, and negotiate salary increases of upwards of $60,000 through our career coaching program. We work with professionals in many different industries, and through our career services program, we are working to educate candidates on the tech behind the hiring and how that works with the resume writing process so you can get through the filters faster with much less time and frustration. So schedule your call today and we'll answer any questions that you have and we'll chat and we'll go through whatever is happening with your job search. Looking forward to speaking with you very, very soon. Have a great day.

All right everyone, this is Coach Bizzy and today is Wednesday, October 29th, almost the end of the month, and I have a very, very special guest for you, uh, right on time. So before we do, I'm reminded to do a moment of gratitude. It takes less than a minute. This is the portion of the show where we just take a moment to be great grateful. What are you grateful for today? With all of the changes happening in the economy and our country and the world, I think it's really good to be grateful. So if you would, close your eyes if you can and put yourself in your happy place and maybe take a deep breath and think about one thing that you are grateful for. And I think for me, I am really grateful today is that I am still alive. I am still here. I may not have everything I want, but I am so glad I've got everything I need right now. And I am grateful for that. Please type in the comment what you are grateful for. And also let us know where you come from, which city and state and which country if outside of the US. And also if you have a question for my guest, please let us know right now. So let me see if I can do my introduction a little justice. We're going to be talking to Coach Valerie Martinelli. She's a top career coach, LinkedIn Top Voice, and she's been recognized by Coach Foundation and a two-time honoree by CIO Review as one of the most promising leadership development companies, 2019 and 2021. She's also a CIEA Global Award recipient by Brands Magazine and number one international bestselling co-author of Ready, Connect and Grow. All right, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado, please let me welcome to the Leadership and Success Podcast, Coach Valerie. All right, Coach, how are you doing today?

I'm good, thank you. How are you?

Very good. Good morning, good morning. If you can tell us, uh, just to get started, what is one thing you are grateful for today?

Well, like you said, I may not have absolutely everything I want, but I am grateful to be here to chase after the things that I want, right? To wake up and open your eyes and have another day here is always a good thing to be grateful for each and every morning.

That is so true. And I'm still very, very grateful to be an American. No matter what's going on with the government and the direction of our country, I think we are still the best country in the world right now. But anyway, I believe tomorrow is going to be better than today eventually.

So we only make it that way.

That's right. So what is one thing about you that most people may not know?

My love of art.

Wow.

I love art, and I also love puzzles. I'm a little bit of a word nerd, a word game nerd, and a puzzle nerd. But I also, I also love art. Art history was one of my favorite courses in college.

Wow.

You wouldn't know that by talking to me.

That's really great. And do you, uh, are you also an artist? I know you You do? No, no, that's all right. Wow, that's pretty cool. I guess I was officially an artist when I was, I think, 12, 13 years old. I used to lead a band when I was a teenager, so my father registered us in the Artist Association of the Congo. That's where I was at the time, so I was a registered artist. But anyway, so to get going with this interview, I wanted to ask you, you've built an award-winning coaching and consulting brand from the ground up. So that's really incredible. So what inspired you to found Valerie Martinelli Consulting?

My love of coaching, my love of mentoring. I started off by coaching, mentoring, mentoring young girls. I had a program, um, when I was working for a nonprofit that was pairing up young girls with women that were coaching them and mentoring them and helping them figuring out what they wanted to do and working with them on either school projects or starting out in their career or with college. And I really loved it. It was something that just absolutely fulfilled me.

Wow.

And so, yeah, it was something that completely took my breath away, and I, I had to keep that going. Um, it's just, it's a, it's a true passion for me because I love to see people succeed and win.

That, that is really amazing because you really do help a lot of people when you go through your LinkedIn, your post, the, the article in your website. It's really phenomenal, the work that you do. But when you transition, you just mentioned from public administration and nonprofit leadership into executive coaching, what lesson do you think from public service continues to guide you today?

Servant leadership. Yes, servant leadership. And, you know, I'll tell you, my friend, I haven't even really let that completely go because a lot of the people that I still choose to work with now are in public service and work for the government and work for the public sector. And in nonprofits. And don't get me wrong, I work with a lot of people in corporate as well, quite a bit. But I still do believe in the servant leadership and working with people in the public sector. Servant leadership is very, very important because we are here to serve. We are, we are put here to do some good work.

Yes.

And I feel like as long as we are doing that, then we're doing something, we're doing something fulfilling. And to me, that's one of the most important things. As long as I continue to do something good, yes, that makes me happy.

Well, I think it, it, it really shows it's not just a career for you, but it's really a calling. So when did you realize that coaching was a calling for you?

About 2015, 2000, early 2016, more about 2015. I was really, really, really dissatisfied in what I was doing. I was also in the wrong place in the nonprofit I was in, was a startup and it was failing. But aside from that, I was just feeling very more of the satisfaction when I was working on this one program, this one project, this one thing. And that's when I started to say to myself, wait a minute, hold on. Something's got to give here. So I knew I had to make a shift. I knew I was going to have to do that anyways, but I knew that I was going to have to make a shift. And that's when I said to myself, okay, so wait, what is it that I love? What other skills do I have? What do I know how to do? And how can I put things together and make it work for myself and for others? Because there's no point in doing this. Wow. Being a selfish thing, right? Because if it's not going to help other people, what kind of service is it? To me, then that's not service.

Wow, really, really impressive. Because you even said on average people you have to make like at least $60,000 more than they used to. And for most people, that's really a huge, huge difference. So you're really having a huge impact, not just on the people, but but their family, and I believe their lineage too, right? So you are really making a big difference. Now, this is called the Leadership and Success Podcast. I know success has different meaning for different people. In my opinion, many people still define success the way it was defined for them. It's not their own definition. And I know by looking at your work, maybe the definition of success, that kind of change throughout your career. I guess the question for you is, how do you personally define success today? And how has that definition evolved over time?

Success to me is not just financial. To me, it's also fulfillment. I think success comes when there's a balance between the two. It's hard to be successful and be happy if you're constantly chasing after how am I going to pay my next bill. Yes, but it's also hard to be successful and be happy if you are not able to enjoy your weekend and you say to yourself, I'm already not looking forward to going to work on Monday.

Right?

That's a problem because then, well, it's obvious you don't like your job, right? I mean, so something needs to give there. No one needs to live that life, you know. You know, and I understand now today we're talking about a little bit of a different economy, we're talking about some different things here, but Overall, no one needs to be that unhappy. That's not fair. Yes, I don't believe in that. So I think that there needs to be a balance between the two and a give and take between the two. And I really do believe I bring that into my coaching because I really think that that's important. You can't take a $60,000 raise and then say, but wait a minute, now I'm going to be working 120 hours a week and I'm never going to see my kids, right?

It's not worth it.

Not worth it. You're not going to be happy because if your child is 4 and all of a sudden they're 6 and you say to yourself, holy cow, how did that happen? Yes, you're gonna hate yourself.

Well, that is, that is a really insightful way of looking at it, not just financial success but also your personal fulfillment. So like, like we mentioned, right, you've helped your, your clients on average $15,000 to $60,000 salary increase. What do you think is the secret behind helping people unlock such transformation?

They have to really be willing to unlock what's within themselves too. It's, it's more than what's just on that piece of paper of what's on that resume and what they can bring to the organization. But it's also unlocking what's within themselves and bringing that into the interview process and bringing that into the process because they have to be able to say, yes, I can bring this in here and I can do XYZ. I could solve this problem or make you X amount of dollars or whatever it is that the person does. However, they also have to be able to say, but here's my boundary, right? I can do that, but I don't want to be paid $30,000 less, or I also don't want to be treated terribly. So if I'm going to have to work 5 or 10 extra hours a week, I don't want to be treated like dirt. Or does this mean that I have to work an extra amount of hours at all? I'm doing this to create an extra value for you. So this is where unlocking all of that is really important to me, because it's about creating the value and not necessarily working more, but about bringing your higher value and that higher self to work every day because you are so fulfilled. And I think when you are that fulfilled and being able to bring that and being able to actually show that within a negotiation, then that person can be successful in that negotiation and get that extra amount of money.

Yes.

And I think that that's important because you have to be able to unlock that first within— we have to do that. That's self-work first. That's where the coaching comes in. This isn't just, I learned how to say a script, and I go in and I say the script, right? Like, you could say all the right things. But if you don't believe it yourself, they're not going to believe it either.

Well, that is, that is powerful. So there is definitely a mindset to it. So how do mindset, strategy, and intention work together in your coaching model?

I do a lot of mindset work with my clients. A lot. I'm a big, big believer in it because to me there's a mirror in everything. If you, you know, we can flip a mirror on almost anything. And if you don't believe in the things that you're saying in an interview, in a negotiation setting, in a networking setting, no one else is going to believe you either. I hate to say that, but It's the harsh truth.

Yes.

You know, you have to be— you have to be accepting of yourself and what you can do and how you can do it. And you have to want to do it wherever it is that you are. And you have to want to be with that person. And if you don't want to be there, they're gonna— people aren't stupid. I hate to say it. First of all, people aren't dumb. But most people can feel that. And so this is where doing that self-work is really, really important because you have to be comfortable with yourself. You have to be comfortable with the things that you're saying and what you want and know that that's what you really want. Because if you're doing it just to chase a paycheck, if you're doing it— and I get it, people need paychecks right now— but if you're doing it just to chase the paycheck, if you're doing it just to cheat, there's going to be a lot of disconnect. And this is where a lot of disconnect will come between Well, I did, you know, X amount of interviews and this and that. Yeah, you're doing the interviews because you can, because you're good at, you're good at whatever the role might be. But you have to actually want to be in that organization. Hmm, does that make sense?

Yes, that is quite powerful. And talking about that, like we said, what you've helped a whole lot of people, not just find better job, but really live better lives too. So in a way, not just a career coach, you're kind of like a life coach too, in some way. I guess the question I have for you, especially now in the market we are in, some people, they apply for like hundreds of jobs, no interview, or when they get interviews, and then they feel like they may get an offer and cricket, nothing's happening. So people get discouraged quite a bit. So for those of For those in the audience listening right now, what is your advice for people who are really seeking a new opportunity in this type of economy?

Well, first of all, you can't— obviously don't give up, because if you— I'm a big believer, if you're giving up, you're giving up on yourself, and you don't want to do that. That to me is not an option. Yes. Second of all, don't be afraid to ask for help, because this market is not like markets of past that you can just send out a resume and do this and do that, and it would all work out. Unfortunately, this is not the same thing. I think this is where people are struggling and they need help, and they think that they can do it on their own, and it's not like it was before. A lot of people need a lot more help, and I think because it's so tough, this is where mindset really comes in, because Yes, it's hard to hear the no, or it's hard to hear that, you know, we moved on to other candidates, or, you know, we've decided to close the role, or it's hard to hear nothing, right? It is hard to hear nothing, to know that you're doing this, and you're doing it, you're doing it, and you're not getting any responses. It is discouraging. It's very disheartening. But to know that you're doing the right things, and to know that you're doing many different things other than just sending your resume out and just cold applying, cold applying, cold applying with the job boards, I think is also very important. This is where, you know, I'm big on a holistic approach. Because doing that holistic approach is very important, using a little of this and a little of that.

Yes.

You know, it's important. I think a lot of people may be saying, well, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, this worked for this person. That worked for this person doesn't mean it's going to work for you.

That is quite insightful. Let me ask you then, I think quite many people struggle, right, with articulating their value proposition.

And absolutely, that's very hard.

So how do you help your client leader uncover their unique story?

So it's a process, right? Usually what I will do is give someone a questionnaire and work through that with them to to get it onto paper. Um, and that, that helps to get it onto paper. But otherwise, you know, once it's on paper, it takes— it does take quite a few coaching sessions to help them understand who they are. It will take some assessments like a StrengthsFinder to help them figure out who they are, because who we were maybe 5, 10 years ago, sometimes even 2 is not the same person who we are today because we go through different things. Life changes, this happens, that happens, and, and that's okay, right? But that— because that's just life. But we change. We change when all of that happens, you know. We change with that, as we should. But we, we— I think we have the tendency to assume who we are and what we like and what our strengths are and all of that. But I think it's good to have it laid out for you on paper and show you, okay, you know, yes, you know, you are this, you are that, and maybe this is the type of job you should be looking for, or the type of job that you shouldn't be looking for. And I think it helps to give people a sense of clarity and direction.

Yes. Well, and another thing I have also noticed, part of the reason why I do this podcast daily, I would like to to put the spotlight on underrepresented minorities and women. I know for most of my career, I've almost always been the one and only Black person in the room, and usually there was no women at all, white, Black, or of any color. Now in tech, I see more and more women, which is good, but I think we still have a lot of work to do with diversity. And I know that you've built a global mentorship program like the Innovate 50/50 to help women rise in leadership. Which is really outstanding. So why is mentorship so critical for women advancement today?

Women, unfortunately, are dropping out of the workforce at such a rapid rate that we haven't seen in— I forgot how many years. I read the statistic the other day, and I can't remember exactly what the number is. But it's bad. It's really bad. And a lot of that is because of the unsustainable cost of childcare. A lot of that is because, you know, maybe we have some single moms too thrown in there. I'm sure we do quite a few, right? And single moms don't have the advantage that married couples do, you know. And it's tough, it's tough out there. The costs are going up and up and up. And so some of these people don't have the help that maybe others do, like family members. You know, some people I know don't have family nearby, some don't have family at all. So if you don't have family to help you out, you know, say to watch your infant or your toddler, then it's very, very tough. What do you do? Childcare just keeps going up and up and up. People are feeling like they're working just for childcare. Some people feel like they're going to work just to put their child in daycare, and they're not even paying daycare at at its full cost. They, like, they can't even afford it. So women are dropping out, and economically that sets us backwards, right? You know, there's— you're not going to see women in leadership, you're not going to see women in tech, you're not going to see women in STEM, you're not going to— we're, we're not going to see women in boardrooms. Where we've seen women in past years, we're going to see less of them, and that is not good. Not to mention that we know that diversity initiatives have been cut back. Hmm, already that already happened. I mean, that was already happening. So, and that's a problem by itself as it is. So that's, that's already an issue. But then just to see these things that women feel like, well, I can't work, I have to stay home and take care of my child, or I just can't work for whatever reason, it's not good. And then we have women that are sandwiched in here that are either taking care of sick parents and children, some that maybe can't work not because of a child but maybe because of taking care of a parent, and they just can't make it, can't make it work. They're having too hard of a time. This return to office policies didn't help, right? When you had remote work available, it was easier for women to be able to say maybe take care of a child and a parent or both or either or. But when you're telling them they have to be chained to a desk 5 days a week, how could they possibly do that?

Yeah. And I've noticed in my experience, and my wife has mentored me a lot about this too, big, big difference between men and women. It's not, it's not always true, but, but just at the eye level, many times, like my, my daughter too, she just entered the workforce, on Gen Z, they are the future. But many times I've noticed that female when they look at the job description, they want to be 100% qualified for the position before they go submit. For men like me, if I'm 25% qualified, I apply for it because I want to get to the interview and I know I'm going to change the job description. I'm going to make it whatever I want it to be in a way. So there are a lot of differences like that, even in negotiating. Like my wife, for example, you give her a job, you tell her, okay, this is your salary. Yes, I accept. I'm like, no, no, no. You have to give me more money than that. It's just gonna be a range, right? So there are a lot of things I have noticed between men and women that might put them at a disadvantage in the job market in general. I guess it's not always the case, but salary negotiation, promotion, the imposter syndrome, to which again, it affects men and women, but I think probably women more than men, and also navigating kind of this bias in the workplace. I guess my question for you is, how do you coach women leaders to kind of navigate this environment and complex issue in the workforce?

Some women aren't good at navigating these kinds of politics, and some are better than others. I hate to say it, but, you know, it's all about figuring out what's happening inside the actual workplace and how to get around the issue. So it's, it's very— I don't want to say it's a very odd thing, but It's very much trying to figure out what is happening and then try to teach them how to understand and how to assess and how to navigate these issues because they have to have an appropriate response. Um, I have some women that would go and tell someone off, and then I have some others that are very afraid to speak up. Um, yeah, I run the gamut there, but You know, you have to— you also have to stand up for yourself, right? You have to say what's right. You have to do what's right. Um, you can't let people take advantage of you. You can't— um, you can't accept what's less. If you wouldn't let someone else in your life treat you that way, it shouldn't happen at work. And sometimes it's giving them that reality and that gut check, you know. Would you let so-and-so in your life treat you like this? Well, no. Okay, so why does your boss get to? And they'll look at me like, hey.

Yes.

Hey now.

That is powerful. And hopefully we've raised both of our daughters to do just that. Because I mean, I can't believe it's 2025, right? And there's definitely still a bias against women in this society. Women make a lot less money than men for same job, same experience, same background. And that's just not right. But yeah, I guess sometimes I kind of joke, if it wasn't for our dog, I would be the only male in my household. So I guess I am a trans feminist in my house. We definitely need to do better as a country. So let me talk about emerging tech for a second. I have looked at your work and background. You've recently worked as a career coach, AI trainer. Training AI models to recognize harmful and inaccurate career advice. How was that experience for you?

Very interesting, and I did enjoy it. It was basically all I'm really allowed to say, sorry, is just that really reading through what they gave us and trying to decipher between good advice and bad advice. What we really want to see is the bad advice coming off of AI if at all possible. Um, you know, very cool experience, very good, very enlightening, and I really enjoyed it. I would do it again. Um, and I— but I really do like to see that bad advice coming off of AI because people who are choosing to try to use AI to navigate maybe a very specific question or just one very specific issue for something quick, you don't want them to see some of these really bad, bad things that I was reading that you would—

wow, wow. So we definitely need human oversight for sure. And by the way, a LinkedIn user saying thank you. I am monitoring LinkedIn as well, enjoying the discussion. And if you have a question for Coach Valerie, please type it in the comment as well. So because there is a growing fear that AI might replace human or you seem to take a different view. What's your perspective?

We're still going to need— when it comes to coaching, we're still going to need people. I think when there's some— there might be some jobs, right, like some very— I hate to say lower-level jobs, but there really might be some other jobs, right, some very repetitive.

I want to—

I don't want to say lower-level, that's very demeaning. But yes, some repetitive jobs, very redundant jobs like data entry and things like that, maybe the, you know, you're going to see start to go over to AI. Because if they can toss that over to AI, then I think that they probably will. Some of these larger companies that you're seeing doing layoffs, like Amazon and things like that, they're probably going to start to play with some of that. I hate to say it, but you know, the large players are usually the ones in the market that start to do first. Um, so, you know, they'll probably— I hate to say that they're going to show us the way, but they're probably going to show us the way, unfortunately.

Yes.

Um, usually Amazon does and people follow, but yes, you know, they're probably going to be the ones that are probably going to start using AI for things like order taking and things like that, right? I mean, so I think things like data entry and things like that, you probably will see a change, but things that are human Hiring, HR, coaching. There are things that I think, you know, we're going to need people. Sales. There are parts of sales where you can insert AI into the process, like before you get to a person, but you are going to ultimately need a person to close a deal.

That's nice.

Otherwise, you know, you're going to have buyer's remorse across the board at some point, I think. Like I said, you can probably insert before a person, like on a website and things like that, right? Like we're starting to see all that already.

Yes.

But there are certain things that are going to stay human-centric, um, here and there. But there are some other things I think we need to start thinking about how to use it as a tool.

Yes.

You know, and I think that we need to start thinking about it that way. Honestly, I'm not sure that some of these companies are thinking about it properly when they're thinking about how can I cut my headcount? I don't agree with that.

Yes. Yes, I guess the last question I would ask you for this first segment is, how should today's professionals then future-proof their career in an AI-driven economy? But then the other side of that is how can maybe Leaders, right, leverage AI ethically to support growth, inclusion, and equity, which I know I agree with you, that's really the way artificial intelligence should be used, not to replace people, but to help them do their work more efficiently. How do you see that?

So I think people need to start thinking about how, if they haven't already, and if they haven't, they really need to do it now, start thinking about how AI is going to be integrated into their industry, how it affects their industry, how it could be used in, in their industry. And like how I had just mentioned in sales, right, like using it like on a website, you know, to pick up visitors and things like that, right? Like, so that type of thing, right? You need— people need to start learning that and how it can be used because I think that can be a competitive advantage, you know. But if people haven't gotten there, they need to start learning all of that. However, Leaders, stop. Seriously, they need to stop. And I know Amazon's already doing it. Salesforce, I think, already laid off for AI use too. They need to stop cutting their headcount. Yes, for, for AI use like this. Start using your people, how to use AI in your business, in their business, and in their roles instead. Use it how to make it a competitive advantage instead of, hey, we're going to cut 30,000 people or whatever the heck the number is, and, you know, we're going to save on, you know, salaries, so we're going to save on insurance, and we're going to save on retirement and whatever, right? Instead of doing it that way, which I don't agree with because people still need to be employed.

True.

You teach them have workshops, do things like that, right? Show them the way, help them, teach them how to use it. Don't leave them to their own devices. Teach them how it can be used in their position and what they can do to leverage it as a tool.

True.

And also, I have seen some recent reports where some of those companies now are trying to hire people back because just having AI doing everything just doesn't work as well as they thought it would.

Because AI is not perfect. I mean, we both know this. You're smiling, and I'm gonna— I don't want to laugh, but because it's causing people pain. But we both know this, AI isn't perfect. If you type something into ChatGPT, you know, okay, it may give you something, but you still have to proofread it, you still have to edit it, and you still have to do work with it.

True.

So you can't use it like it's your copywriter. You still— it doesn't mean that it's perfect.

Yeah, we go back to human oversight earlier.

Yeah. So that's why inserting it like it's a tool and teaching them the way on how you want it used in that particular role is okay. And that should be the way because now you still have human oversight. Going all nutty with it and saying, I'm going to cut and I'm going to line my pocket with it. CEOs, take a note. I'm not afraid somebody's going to come at me. Speak the truth. I'm going to have nasty email by the end of the day.

But no, this is important because it is affecting our societies right now.

It really is. And because these poor folks still need to put food on their table and a roof over their heads at the end of the day. And, you know, they have children to feed. And so it's not fair. But not to mention career goals and, you know, have a life, not to mention that. But yes, you don't do that because then there's going to come a time where they're going to go, oops, this experiment didn't work. And we're all going to sit here and say You think? Yeah, that didn't work? No, really?

Yeah, I definitely get your point. Again, another reason why I host this Leadership and Success podcast, because I really feel like in this 21st century, leadership skills are really, really key. Because even AI, if you really have leadership skills, you can work with people, influence them, be able to lead organization project. It's going to be very, very difficult to replace you. So hopefully, you know, the people are listening, they are learning, like you say, you know, getting to learn how to use AI, ChatGPT, or whatever platform out there. So I was looking on the chat, so Joe is the one who's grateful for everything you think so far. Also Lori, she says, I want to thank you both for your perspective and experience. So Joe and Lori, very welcome. Let us know where you are joining from, what city, state, or country, and if you have a question for Coach Valerie. All right, let's switch, switch over to the second half of the show. We're going to be talking more about leadership. I guess one of the first questions I would like to ask you is, uh, what do you think is the greatest lesson you have ever learned?

Oh, greatest lesson I've ever learned.

Life, leadership.

Career? Business isn't easy.

Business is not easy.

It's not easy, but you have to be motivated to keep going.

Wow, that's powerful. Be motivated.

So let me ask you, it wasn't meant to be easy, because if it was meant to be easy, wouldn't everybody do it?

Yeah. I guess, I don't know, from my experience, I know 21 years ago I went to boot camp in the Navy. It was very, very easy to be motivated at boot camp because you were pretty much cut off from the world and you did whatever the Navy told you to do. Now, how to dress, what to wear, where to be, everything was really, you know, lined up for you. I think prior to me joining the Navy, I was obese. I was a couch potato, but I lost all of the weight. I started running and I mean, it was just amazing. I was the healthiest, the strongest I've ever been. In my life. So how do you, uh, coach people right now who are listening to us who feel like they might be alone? I, I know they are not alone in their situation. There are many, many other people in, in, in the same group or bucket, but they, they don't know that. They feel completely demoralized, like, uh, I keep applying for these jobs but nothing is coming up. They get depressed. What, what would tell them to kind of get them motivated?

When I hear these things, I sometimes— it makes me want to cry for them. Seriously, I, I get so emotional over it. You're not alone. Please reach out to somebody, anybody, even if it's not me. It doesn't have to be me for help. Please, because I think the more we think that we're alone and the worse we let our mindset go and make ourselves feel, and we say that we're not good or that we're alone and that we can't do this and we want to give up. We're either going to give up on ourselves or the worst things get— we have to know that there is some help available. We have to know that there is something out there for us. We have to know that it won't go on for forever. And I know that sounds so Pollyanna sometimes, but You know, it isn't— nothing is easy. Nothing worthwhile is easy. We're, we're not worth giving up on. We have to keep going. We are worth it. And so we have to be able to say that at the end of the day. But I think when we feel at our worst, we can't see that, unfortunately, right? It's hard to see that. But we need somebody to help us and to get us out of that. And to be able to say, listen, you know, you're worth it. You have to keep doing this no matter how hard it might be. And you are going to get there. But I think sometimes it's about taking what's in here and saying, okay, what am I grateful for? What do I have? I may not have everything. And reprogramming that a little bit to get started.

Wow.

To get started, because honestly, the more negativity we plug into it, the more it goes down, the worse it is. I hate to say it. You can literally— there are actual images of brain scans floating around on the internet that you can find that will show you the more negative you are, the more the image, the inside, the inside of your brain changes.

True.

The way it lights up, it actually does change.

That's really powerful. And that's also part of the reason why I always start the show every day with a moment of gratitude because sometimes you can just look at everybody else, feel like I don't have this, I don't have this, but what do you have? And can you start with where you are right now? And that's really one thing I love about the US of A, right? I was born in Africa, I've lived in Europe and I am in America by choice, but America is the only country in the world, in the US maybe I've traveled across America and around the entire world, but I don't know if another country that has a dream. America is the only country with the American dream. You can start at the very bottom and before you know it, you are at the very, very top. You can be Arnold Schwarzenegger. You come to this country, you can barely speak English, you only have $20 to your name and become number one in movie production, become number one bodybuilding, become number one, you become the governor of the fourth largest economy in the world, only in America. So I believe everything is possible and I don't want to give false hope, I want people to know that in this country, anything is possible. Keep your mind positive. And hopefully this show is helping with that a little bit. So we have Kim Keating. She says, I agree, Valerie. Nothing worthwhile is easy. Thank you so much, Kim. Let us know where you are coming from, what city-state, and if you have a question for Valerie. Let me ask you this, Coach Valerie. What do you think is the greatest leadership advice you've ever received?

Greatest leadership advice? Because I've received quite a few.

Which one comes to mind?

I'm thinking.

And I guess there are also many ways to define leadership. I guess, what is your best definition of leadership.

You know, I'm thinking along the lines of something about leading ourselves first and figuring out who we are as a leader first. Yeah, that's what's coming to my mind right now. I know I had someone, and I can't remember his exact words, but he— one of the things that he told me was to figure out who I wanted to be as a leader first. Bob Fabien Zinga, right? Because my definition of a leader may not be your definition of the leader, right? And who I want you to be as a leader may not be who you want to be as a leader, right? Because self-leadership can be very different. And that's not a bad thing, right? It just means that we have different, different conceptions of it. And being able to find that for yourself is important to figuring out what do you want to do with it? Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go? What direction do you want to take with that?

Oh, cool. Wow.

And even when I talk about leadership with people, that's one of the first things that I always discuss too, is, well, who do you want to be? Do you want to be the leader? We think about— we'd say leader, right? And we think about the leader of Microsoft and Amazon. And we have these notions in our head. All the time, right? And a lot of them are men. I hate to say it, there's not enough that come into mind that are women. Um, we just have all these misconceptions sometimes. So I think, you know, figuring that out for ourselves and who we want to be— self-leadership could be very important. It can be— it could be the smallest thing or it could be the biggest thing, and there's no judgment in that, right? It's just that's who you are and who you want to be.

Yeah, because actually last week, I believe it was episode 94, I had Elizabeth Lotharo. She wrote the book on self-leadership, Leading Yourself. Everybody watching, you should go back and listen to that podcast. That is so true, man. Powerful. So what do you think is the secret to your success?

I've had mentors, I've had coaches. I've had, yep. I've had my own that have helped me along the way. I can't even say that I've gotten here by myself. I'd be lying through my teeth.

Yes. Wow.

I'd be lying through my teeth.

Yes. It really takes a village, doesn't it?

Yeah.

We don't get here alone.

It takes a village to get you here. Yes. Because without that, I don't know where I'd be sometimes. Honestly, I need— I have my own that help me every— I can't say every single day, but you know, they are here. And there's been some that I've worked with longer than others. And, you know, I don't regret one minute of it.

Because that's powerful. Wow. And also, I think Just know, this may not be true for everyone, but generally speaking, in my experience, men, especially in the military, tend to be more arrogant, less humble than women. They don't want to accept the fact or ask for help. Like, I know this from experience, especially when I was junior enlisted and a junior officer, before I really knew what to do. Like, you would even get hurt during a military exercise or something, and then act like, no, I am a man, I have testosterone, no, it is, it is, it is okay, I can, uh, take it. We would say stupid things like, you know, pain, uh, I guess, makes, makes you better, or help you, whatever, stronger, and all of this nonsense instead of just, no, asking for help when you, uh, need it. But yes, please ask for help. And, uh, Kim is coming to us from Washington, DC. So what, what are you learning right now?

What am I learning right now? Leaders are always learning something new every day.

What is your main focus now in your learning?

Right now, one of the things that I'm focused on actually is sales training. That's one of the things I'm learning. I'm actually doing a little bit more of a deep dive in my own leadership again.

Too.

Always doing that every once in a while. I always want to do that because I think that that's important. Yes.

Um, that is powerful.

Yeah, I think, I think we can't get too comfy with who we are. Yes. Um, because we get to a certain point, right? We grow, we grow, we grow, we grow, we grow, and then we get— we sit there, right? We start to get stagnant.

Yes.

And so we don't want to do that, right? Because then we get stagnant and then we stop growing, and that's not good.

That is so, so true. And I like what you say about sales. I think everybody, even if you're not a salesman, need to take sales training because you're really going to learn how to see things not from your own perspective but the perspective of people you want to influence. Now, even when you're looking for a job, in a way you are a salesman, right, of your own skills, your, your back your background, you want them to hire you and not someone else. So you have to show them what they get by making the offer to you and not to somebody else. So sales is so key. So how has failure shaped your life? Now, everybody looks at all of the successes you've had. I have this coin, it has failure and success, two sides of the same coin. How has failure shaped your life?

You wouldn't know it. But a lot, right? Because people don't see that. That's not the stuff you see on the internet, right? Long time ago, um, I was actually told, hey, you don't fit into this role. We actually don't like you.

What?

We don't think— yeah, we actually don't think you fit in into this organization. And I was there maybe 2, 3 weeks.

Wow.

And I said, okay, bye, you know. And that was their nice way of saying, you can go now.

Yeah.

But, you know, I think when we hear things like that, either we can take it to heart, which I kind of did at that point, um, or we can just say, okay, well, wait a minute, you know, who do we want to be and what is it we want to get from that? Which I eventually did. Took me a little bit of time. Yes, I was, I was pretty young, but you know, I learned a lot from that because it also showed me that sometimes you're just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yes, right. And I was definitely in the wrong place. I didn't belong there. I definitely didn't belong there because they didn't appreciate anything I had to say. It was just the wrong fit. And sometimes we do that.

Yeah. Wow, that is powerful.

So, you know, and I've had clients that have had the same issue, right? Like, oh, I thought this job was one thing and it's another. Well, hi, I've been there before too. I get it. Yeah, you know, someone, someone recruited me right into that job and I walked the heck right out of it because I said no. You know, this is what you think of me, then I'm sorry.

Yes. Wow, I'm really sorry that happened to you, but you reminded me of a couple of things. One, I think Oprah was the first one I heard say this, when people show you who they truly are, right? Believe them. I think Maya Angelou was the original person who said that. And then also another one of my mentors, Jim Rohn, said, you are not a tree, move. When you don't like where you are, you don't have to stay there forever. So it's It's really important for people on self-leadership to value themselves as well. Another one of my mentors said, right, you really want to be in a place where you are celebrated, not just tolerated. I think it really, really makes a big, big difference and how you can have a setback in life, but use it for a comeback, come even stronger and better. And it's perfect.

A little while, that's okay, right? But I think the whole point is, you know, do you stay on the ground and stay there, right? Or do you choose to get up, dust your butt off, and say, okay, so I'm gonna keep going, and here, here's what I'm gonna do, right? For a little tiny bit, but then I said to myself, uh-uh, yes, this isn't gonna work for me, you know.

I got—

I have to keep going. I have to. They don't get to define who I am.

And you So much courage and self-leadership and integrity. It's not easy to do, but yeah, sometimes that's the only thing you need to do. Wow. Okay. Who are some of your mentors, some of your thought leaders, people you follow that we should know about?

Oh, there's quite a few. Somebody that I've done coaching with for quite a while who actually helped me start my business. Who I'm actually very, very fond of. I don't know if he's listening or not, but his name is Michael Mapes. He actually helped me get started. We've been friends for over a decade, but he actually helped me get started.

Um, that's pretty awesome.

He's, I think, amazing. And I know a lot of people don't know his name, and I think they should because he had a lot of patience for me, um, when I didn't have a lot of patience for myself. I was in a I was in a tough spot when I was leaving that job. He had a lot of patience with me and helped show me the way, and he still does.

Wow, that is awesome. Is he on LinkedIn by any chance? Yeah. If you don't mind, share me his LinkedIn profile. I want people to follow him because people like that, they are really the unsung heroes is what I call them. Like myself who had my—

Oh, he's amazing. And he doesn't— I don't know if he knows it or not, but I'm going to— I'll send you his.

We need to sell it. And if you are listening to to us and you have somebody like that, please pick up the phone and call them and just say thank you. Because I think there are so many people who have helped me personally. I don't even— some of them, I don't even know their name. I don't even think I will be able to pay them back, right? So the way I try to pay them back is by paying it forward, trying to do for somebody else what they did for me. And you're right, sometimes they're really like an angel that God sends your way and they don't even realize it. So, man, we're already running out of time. Can you stay with me for 10 more minutes, please?

I sure can.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, man. We have so much to talk about. If you had 3 people to have dinner with, that could be alive, dead, or even mythical figures, 3 people, who would you choose and why?

I think one would be Maya Angelou because I always thought she was so insightful. Um, another one Who I always, for some reason, for a long time, always admired was Eleanor Roosevelt.

Yeah. Um, she has done a lot for equity and diversity in this country. Most people don't know that. But yeah.

And one that's not related to anything, but if you know me, you're gonna laugh out loud. Mariska Hargitay. Yeah.

I can't imagine the conversation and why.

I just think she's so awesome. I, I love— listen, I'm such a Law and Order: SVU fan. It's so— it's hilarious. But I just think she's so freaking awesome. But she also does a lot for women. She really does. People who don't watch the show may not know how much she does for women and how much she does for domestic violence and I just, I admire her so much for what she does.

No, that is true.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall near that woman. I think she's incredible. Yes.

And I really like that you mentioned Eleanor Roosevelt because also she's one of the primary reasons why women were allowed to get into the military. Because back then, just like Blacks, it wasn't authorized, but she really helped change that. It's really Powerful. So what, what are some of the books that you are reading or that you would recommend to the audience? I think I asked you earlier, you mentioned, uh, this one.

Yep, I'm reading that one right now, Rich Relationships. That is a great book. If someone has not read that or is not reading it, they should be. Um, I think it's very powerful. You know me, I'm all about relationships and building relationships for business, life, career. I think everything is about networking and relationships. So I think that's a great one.

That's powerful. Like one of my mentors said—

someone actually recommended that to me, and I've been reading it slowly over time.

I think that's great because my mentor told me, right, your network is your net worth. Because many times it's who you know, not what you know. Okay, what about this one? Better and Better.

That one's great too. Someone actually sent this one to me too. It's about creating a culture of purpose and engagement. And this is great. This is actually written by— a lot of people may not— people don't know who Bob Stiller is. He's the guy who makes Green Mountain Coffee.

Wow.

So he's actually very much known for this. So this is a great book. This is another one that I highly recommend people read.

And I asked you which movie you would recommend. You said This one, House of Dynamite, available.

I just saw that over the weekend, so that's what— that's why I said that, still in my head, because it is—

wow.

If you haven't seen it, I mean, it has nothing to do with anything that we're talking about, but when you see it, yes, you will be out of your mind and you will be on the edge of your seat.

Well, I can tell you, I think I was a lieutenant junior grade when my CEO Commander Scott, I still remember him, one of the best CEOs I've ever had. He taught me to watch movies and look for leadership lessons in them. And I think this is about the nuclear code. I put it on my list, Netflix list yesterday. I haven't watched it yet, but I probably will this weekend.

So I think you'll probably like it. I'd love to know what you think of it when you watch that.

Because I know at that level you do have to make some decision and also know, are you going to respond and how much are you going to respond? There's really a lot of things in in play.

There's a lot of leadership lessons in that because it is about how you respond, how quickly you respond, what type of response, and then obviously when you do respond, if you do respond, you're responsible for all these people.

Yeah, yeah, it's, uh, wow, cool. Okay, is there maybe a song, a book, or a movie that would be your life's theme or anthem? Oh, what would it be? In anything?

You're gonna laugh. So I have the tendency to be a perfectionist, right? So there's a song that comes to my mind and Yeah, it's a little bit of an older song, but how about Simply the Best by Tina Turner?

Oh, wonderful. Yeah, Tina. Yes. Yeah, I, I guess I used to be a perfectionist too. Now I think my core value has changed to excellence. I can't always achieve that, but I try.

Uh, no, but it just— yeah, this song sticks in my head from a long time ago when I was in college.

That's powerful message.

It was always a powerful message.

Yes.

And if anyone knows where I did my undergrad, this song was always played at the basketball games.

Wow, that is really powerful. It also reminds me of what Martin Luther King said, right? Be the best no matter who you are. Uh, it's, uh, yeah, powerful. Okay, so, uh, when you wake up in the morning, if you had a magic wand and you could solve one problem, which problem would it be?

I think it's a cross between poverty and, um, the economic disadvantages we have in this country.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially in places where I live, Silicon Valley, it's really amazing. We have more billionaires than any other place on Earth. But we still have homeless people in San Francisco. It's really, really sad to see so much money, so much wealth, but then so much dire and dignified existence of human beings. And I'm really surprised we haven't been able to solve that problem yet. I think in California we spent, what, $24 billion? We don't even know where the money went and we still have that problem. It's like we've got to do something about this. But, uh, okay, thanks for sharing. So if you had one and only one day to live, what would you have liked your final contribution to be?

Can I be president for a day? No, I mean, can I be president of the United States for that one day?

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Good, good.

I don't know. I mean, I think I would want to do something really good for people.

Yes.

But I would love to be— I would love to be President of the United States for one day and change a whole bunch of laws, and then, you know, yeah, maybe I'd die happy.

Yeah.

Um, I'd love to do something good. I would love to do something good because honestly, that would just make my heart sing. I'd love to know that I did something good for people.

Yes.

Yeah.

And I, I still believe America is the greatest country that's ever been, but I, I guess, you know, some, some people— we, we all have some agency, you know. We may not do things that will impact the entire country or the entire state or region, but you can impact the person to your right, the person to your left. So doing something good for whoever you can when you can, I think, is, uh Admirable. Thank you so much for sharing that. Okay, we are coming to the, to the end of the show. Thanks so much for giving me more time. What can we do to add value back to you? You have been so, so generous with your time. We really appreciate you sharing your wisdom. I value back to you, Coach Valerie.

Please feel free to follow and connect with me on LinkedIn. Please feel free to go to my website I have plenty there. I have blogs there. If you'd like to send me a message through there, if you need to schedule a call, you can do that through my services page. I have downloads and ebooks on there. Um, if you'd like a copy of my book, you can send it— well, it's not my book, I'm a co-author, but if you'd like a copy of it, you can let me know. I can always get you a copy directly. I need to set up a store on my site. Um, if you know of someone who thinks that, you know, can benefit from my help, please feel free to send them my way. I really hate to see people suffer. Yes. Um, this is not— there's too much time for suffering. There's just been— there's too much suffering right now. This is not a time to, to continue to go through that. Yes. Um, so if you know of someone, pass the message on, share messages.

Thank you.

Always, you know, and always feel free to sign up to my newsletter too. Um, that's actually in my LinkedIn. Um, you could do that as well, but feel free to share those messages and be a positive ray of light for someone.

Wow, thank you.

If not yours, you know, do it for yourself and do it for someone else. Like you said, you always can be a positive agent for the person to your right and the person to your left. So let's try to do that because we need it right now. Wow.

And thank you so much for reminding me. So your book, Ready, Connect, Grow, uh, Grow Your Business Through the Power of Your Connection, uh, compiled by Connie Whitman, and you are one of the co-authors. So they can reach out to you and, uh, you can send them a signed copy of the book. So that's Wonderful.

Yes, I can.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Okay. Is there any question I should have asked you, Coach Valerie, that I haven't asked yet before we close the show?

Not that I can think of.

Fantastic. Okay. Let me ask you the most important question, I believe, of the podcast. If you could go back and give a piece of advice to your 17-year-old self standing at the edge of this incredible career you've had, what would you say to 17-year-old Valerie?

I think I probably would have told her that everything would be fine.

Wow.

I think my 17-year-old self was very, um, anxious, and I think, you know, that she probably didn't know where she was going to go with her life, but I think, you know, telling her that everything was going to be okay would have been probably very smart.

Well, I am really amazed because I've spoken to hundreds of people on the show and most of them say just that to the 17-year-old, it's going to be fine. Because I remember myself, no, I was 17 years old, I came to this country, an immigrant, hardly speaking English, huge, huge dream, but I had no idea how to go from point A to point B. Yeah, knowing that everything would just work out is powerful. And then everything you've talked about, you talked about servant, leadership. You talked about not giving up. You talk about asking for help when you need it, about hiring a coach. Yeah, if you just, uh, keep looking up and keeping your mind positive, yeah, I believe things will be fine. Okay, to, to end the show, this is going to be, um, really, really, really quick, right? I'm gonna ask you some questions, uh, lightning round, rapid fire. So don't take too long to, to think. Uh, let me ask you, what is one word that Define great leadership, one word.

Great leadership. I'd probably— the word that comes to my mind would probably be servant.

Servant, very good. Uh, morning routine or practice that keeps you grounded?

Gratitude.

Okay. Book or quotes that change your life? Or a quote or something that positively impacted you? Or poem or something, or music?

Oh, now you've got me. You caught me.

What about, uh, simply the best? That motivates you, inspires you?

That always does for some reason.

Very good. Okay, we're gonna use that. Uh, who inspired you the most today?

Yeah, really?

Wow, this is the second time someone has told me that. I can't believe it. Okay, thank you. I do appreciate that. Okay, I'll finish the sentence. Leadership is selfless. Very good. All right, what did you want to be when you were a kid?

A veterinarian.

Wow, you are not a veterinarian today. That's interesting.

Okay, that's because I hate snakes.

Yeah, yeah. When I, when I came to this country initially, I wanted to be a medical doctor, but I've seen a lot of people through the pre-med program, the first time they saw blood, they're like, uh-uh, that's not for me, I cannot handle it. But okay, what are 3 adjectives that describe you as a child?

As a child, probably fresh. Okay.

Obnoxious.

One more. Um, feisty.

Okay, what about as an adult?

Feisty.

Okay. Consistent there.

Grounded.

Okay, one more.

Funny.

I think inspirational too. Okay, this is the very end, the last question. And thanks so much for giving us 15 minutes more. What is one word that represents our shared experience on this podcast today? What word comes to mind?

Motivational.

Thank you so much. I think I am just, uh, grateful. Um, thank you, thank you so much for being on the show and helping my audience, especially those looking for a job, who need a career coach, or want to still be motivated, inspired to keep going. So thank you, thank you, thank you so much. I appreciate that.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you. Oh, let me ask you one, one last one really quick. You are a Top Voice on LinkedIn. Some people always ask me, why do you think LinkedIn selected you as a Top Voice?

My feistiness. I'm not afraid to speak my mind. Good, good.

I can see that. I think you are a great coach. You would have been a great drill sergeant in the Navy too. But thank you so much, Coach Valerie. I appreciate that.

Thank you.

All right, everyone, that was Coach Valerie, and thank you so much for watching watching. Hopefully we added value to you, and please keep typing in the comment where you are watching us from, what city, what state, what you are grateful for. And thank you for those, uh, who were engaged during this live episode. I'm gonna be back this afternoon with, uh, let me see, do I have a picture here? Yes, I'm gonna be with Lieutenant Commander Amy For Scythe this afternoon, I believe it's at 2:30 PM California time. So 5:30 PM Eastern time. So I look forward to seeing you there. And thanks again for watching the Leadership Success podcast. Bye now.

Thank you for tuning in to the Leadership Success podcast with your host, Coach BZ. If today's episode added value to your leadership journey, be sure to to subscribe, share, and join us again for more wisdom nuggets on how to lead better and achieve greater success. Remember, leadership is the most critical skill of our time. The world will always need leaders to inspire others, drive innovation, and execute meaningful strategy. So why not count yourself among the bold leaders shaping the 21st century? Until next time, stay inspired, stay committed, and keep Leading with Excellence.