S5:E116🎙️ LIVE with Coach Cassandra Light

Hi, I'm John Maxwell. When the top companies in the world are looking for trainers, speakers, and coaches, there's one name that stands above the rest, and that's Maxwell Leadership. Our certified team members have gotten proven results for companies all over the globe, and our reputation, I'm proud to say, is second to none. Some of our members have risen to the top of their profession, including the one you're going to meet today. I proudly introduce you to my friend, Bob Fabien Zinga.

Welcome to the Leadership and Success Podcast with your host, Coach BZ, where we help you lead with purpose and succeed with impact. If you're ready to grow into the kind of leader others want to follow, this podcast is for you. If you're determined to elevate your success and leave a lasting legacy, this podcast is for you. As my mentor, Dr. John C. Maxwell, reminds us, everything rises and falls on leadership. Our goal is simple: to inspire you, challenge you, and equip you with insights that can transform the trajectory of your leadership journey. Welcome aboard to another episode of the Leadership and Success Podcast with Coach BZ.

Let me ask you something. Today, did you say something in a meeting or to a loved one, or maybe didn't say something that you wanted to? And now hours later, you're still in it, replaying it or thinking about how you should have said it differently, kind of wondering what they thought. Here's what that is. That's not overthinking. That's a pattern of not fully trusting yourself yet. And it shows up every time the stakes feel really high. The good news is that's not a personality trait. That's something we can actually work on because the version of you that walks out of a room and doesn't spend the next 3 hours in your head exists, and I've seen it. You are in there. We've just got to get you out of your own way. This is exactly what I'm here for. If you're ready to stop doing this alone, I'm here. There's a link in my bio.

Let's talk.

All right, everyone, welcome to another edition of the Leadership Success podcast. I am your host, Coach Bizzy, and we have someone very special waiting for us in the green room right now. Before we do as is our custom here, we want to start with what we call our moment of gratitude. This is when we spend just a moment every time we meet to really be grateful. So you know the drill. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and put yourself in your happy place and think about one thing you are grateful for today. Like I said earlier today, I am really grateful that I am still alive. I still have breath in my lung, and as long as I am alive, there is hope for me. And I am so, so grateful for it. So if you would please, in the chat, let us know where are you joining us from, what city, what state, and if outside of the US, which country. And also, what are you grateful for today? And if you have a question for my guests, please type it in the comments and we will answer you live. All right, let me see if I can properly introduce our guest today. I am really honored and overjoyed, excited to welcome Coach Cassandra Light. She's the founder of The Confidence Shift for a powerful conversation, which we are going to title The Confidence Shift: Leading Clearly Under Pressure. And I think a lot of the people in my dual tribe, right, in the military and in Silicon Valley would definitely relate to that. So Coach Cassandra brings a unique perspective shaped by years in relationship management, high-pressure enterprise environment, and her transformational journey into coaching leaders on nervous system regulation, resilience, and leadership capacity under pressure. Now, as a cybersecurity leader and a military officer and executive and high performer, I think we often are taught how to push through pressure, but not always how to sustain ourselves while carrying the pressure. So this conversation, I hope, will explore the hidden human side of leadership, right? How pressure impacts decision-making, why high performers quietly burn out, especially in the cybersecurity field and the military, but also the importance of psychological safety and trust, and how leaders can build clarity under stress, the difference between mindset and nervous system capacity, and also what it really, really takes to lead clearly in high-stakes environments. So part of what you're going to be learning today is leadership capacity under pressure, but also practical strategies for sustainable leadership and resilience. So Coach Cassandra's work really resonates deeply with today's naval leaders, cybersecurity professionals, entrepreneurs, and executives navigating constant change, visibility, and responsibility. So without any further ado, please help me welcome to the Leadership and Success Podcast, the one and only Coach Cassandra Light. Hey Cassandra, how are you doing today?

Thank you, Bizy, for the wonderful introduction. That was lovely. I'm doing great.

How are you?

Fantastic. Maybe to get started, uh, what are you grateful for? This day?

Oh, what am I grateful for? I would say right now I am most grateful that I've been able to find my purpose, and that's been in my work finally. So I'm really grateful for being able to help other people expand their capacity to reach their next levels of success. And, you know, for me, for a long time I was trying to understand kind of where my gifts and where my story and where my experiences all kind of belonged. And now the things that I've lived through and all of the things that I've learned are being— they're becoming really useful to other people. So I'm really grateful for that.

That's really powerful. I believe it was Mark Twain, right, who says, um, the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you found out why. And I think that's so insightful. Is there something about you, Coach Cassandra, that most people may not know when they first meet you?

I would think that, and this probably rings true with a lot of people, is we can be very overstimulated folks wrapped in a very confident presence. Right. And that was something that I lived with for the majority of my life. And folks that have known me forever would say, I've always seen you as very confident, but I can finally say that now I am. But of course, it's always a A learning— the learning always continues, but I think that confidence can be very much a bit performative, and the goal is to feel confident inside.

That's really powerful. I think a lot of the people listening to the show will definitely relate to that. So if we can go back to your origin story and leadership journey, before becoming a coach, you spent years working in high-pressure cybersecurity environment. What originally drew you into cybersecurity and enterprise?

Yeah, I actually, I actually came into cybersecurity through the operations and kind of relationship management side, not the technical side. Um, I was recruited into a cybersecurity consulting firm initially in a business and events coordination role, and what I realized very quickly was that I was drawn to the human side of the work, the the relationship side of the work. I was surrounded with Fortune 500 cybersecurity leaders and executives and consultants, and it was very exciting. Um, I got to see how much trust really, really mattered in that world. Um, I'm, as you know, and probably everybody listening, there are, these are really high-pressure environments where clients are bringing outside experts into their business and it requires a lot of trust. And so eventually I really grew into the client relationship management role and that became what I understood and what I, what I really loved, you know, not coming from a technical background. I was trying to find my footing and I was never the technical expert in the room. My strength was really listening extremely carefully, protecting relationships, understanding what the clients needed and really creating enough trust for people on all sides of the playing board to really be transparent. I would say what kept me in cybersecurity for nearly a decade was that human side of the industry. It's just, there's so much trust and pressure and relationship management, and really the way that leaders communicate and make decisions when the stakes are high was really fascinating to me.

That is really important to know because I think for the longest in the cybersecurity field, we've really try to only focus on people who had like STEM degree or science, technology, engineering, and math. And it's always been very technical, which there's definitely a technical portion to that, but that's not all there is though. And I think many people just don't realize that. Now, people without the degree in history or language or whatever, I feel like there is room in this growing field for pretty much everyone. There is so much that you can do under the umbrella of cybersecurity. You don't have to be a coder in the back room and coming up with code. Actually, today AI can just do the coding for you. But there is so much more to the field than that. So that's really great to know. And another thing that's very important to me is just seeing more and more diversity in cybersecurity. Because over the longest, it was pretty much exclusive to white males, pretty much. I've always almost been the one and only person of color in any room I have been, but now I see more and more women and a more diverse workforce too. And I think that's important that this very important field represents our community as well. So you have spoken openly about how external success did not always reflect your internal experience. When did you first realize something deeper needed to change?

Yeah, such a great question, Bizzy. I realized that something deeper needed to change because I would say eventually I just had to. And for a lot of people, you have to get to that point. I think that happens to a lot of highly capable people. We don't always realize something needs to change because we're sitting there and all of a sudden have perfect clarity. It's, it's more so that something in life starts showing us that the way that we've been operating is no longer sustainable. And for me, from the outside, my life and career could look really exciting. I was surrounded by really impressive leaders, traveling to the most impactful conferences, taking in the top thought leadership, building relationships with these folks and and doing work that, you know, was really successful and looked really successful externally. Yes. But internally I didn't feel fulfilled and I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't feel like I was moving forward in a way that matched who I really was or what I was meant to do, I guess. Um, it really boiled down to, I didn't, yet have the self-trust or feel internally safe enough to, to like step, step into my own, you know, myself, I guess. So yeah, for a long time I stayed and I, and I kept functioning in my role as relationship manager. And it was, you know, I kept performing well and I kept trying to make that path work. But what really happened that was pivotal was then my mom passed away. And it was very sudden from an aggressive cancer, and, and that changed everything.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

I appreciate that. For me, instead of taking the time to grieve, and a lot of listeners might relate to this as well, I went right back into work, and I just tried to perform calm and keep going, even though that was not my internal reality at all. And I think that that was the deeper realization I was capable of functioning, but the problem was I didn't have the internal capacity to keep living that way or hold what was next for me or what I was meant to be doing.

Yes. And you've openly spoken about losing your mother. Again, my mom, she really was my hero, one of the most important people in my life. I think I would never really get over the fact that she is no longer, uh, with us. Uh, I feel like a piece of me is still kind of, uh, missing now. I cannot talk, uh, to her. But, uh, going through that experience, looks like that was really a turning point for you, wasn't it?

Yeah, of course, absolutely. And, and, um, I'm sorry for you as well. It's, it's something that I think became a major turning point for me that season. I would say completely reshaped my understanding of leadership, of performance, and of my own personal capacity. I would say when my mom passed away, I did what a lot of highly capable people do. As I said, you know, I just went back to work and kept pushing. I tried to stay productive because work was something I could control. And that's when I learned that performance can hide pain, stress over everything, but it can't, it can't heal it. Right. And so from the outside, I could still look capable and I could show up, but internally my system was so overwhelmed. It was then that I really started to understand that capability alone does not protect you when your nervous system is overloaded. And we'll probably talk more about nervous system, but You know, you can be really smart and responsible and experienced and very deeply committed and still not have the internal capacity to hold it. So that question led me on this kind of self-discovery mission. It's like, why can't I— why am I not getting there when I know that I have everything that it takes? I thought I had everything that it takes. And that led me to studying nervous system regulation. And then I got into self-trust and identity work. And that was where I found the capacity building tools, which are phenomenal. That became the foundation of, of my coaching business, The Compassionate Chef.

Well, if, if it's okay with you, I'd like to go back to that moment because I feel like many people can relate to this, no? Grief. Pain and loss. We are all human. And sometimes when you are a young kid, you feel like you're gonna live forever. I know when I was a kid, I wanted to become an adult. I wanted to get married and have a job and all of that. But now that I'm an adult, I'm like, okay, I want to be a teenager because the responsibility of life. And also, you know, the older you get, your hair gets grayer if you still have any hair left. And it's just the realization that you will not be here forever. So I think really anybody and everybody can related to that, if you are willing to talk about it. Going back to when your mother passed away, what was kind of the first thought that entered your mind during that season? How did you feel?

I would say that I was just— I was— I had been running hot and on, on low fuel and just fumes essentially for so long that, um, I just felt completely alone. She was my sounding board and I just thought, if I can't lean on her, I've got to learn how to lean on myself. It was very much a realization of, you know, my mom, she would say, you've got to cheer up, buttercup. That was one little line she always used. And so I just, you know, I just really told myself, I've got to find a way to lean on myself. And as I did, and as I learned more about what I needed as far as expanding the capacity in order to get through everything that I was experiencing by that loss, I realized that it was something that I had to share with people because it's so impactful.

Yeah, when we first started, we talked about confidence. How did this experience affect your confidence?

Yeah, I think for me, I was kind of stuck in survival mode, I would say that my confidence was very much performative. And when I say survival mode, I want to— I think of it kind of as operating in constant override, if that makes sense. So my confidence was very much performative. It wasn't, it wasn't really there at all anymore once my mother was gone. And so I was in a state where I was still functioning and I was still delivering and I was still getting things done. But when your system's running hot like that, you're not really recovering, right?

Yes.

Um, and so the hard part is that when you're highly capable, you don't realize kind of what you're being taxed on. You're taxed on your confidence. You're, you're being taxed on your clarity. Um, being taxed on your patience and your decision-making and relationships, health, and joy. I mean, You're being taxed on your ability to be present outside of work, really. And so I think I was performing well externally while internally spending way more energy than the situation should have required. Right. And that's kind of, I chalk it up to, that's what I call the hidden energy tax. Right.

Yes.

Yeah.

I think people in high-stress environments, again, in the military and Silicon Valley, they will definitely relate to that. And sometimes we don't really pay much attention to our mental health. It's always work, work, work, work, work. Uh, did that experience impact your mental health?

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I mean, it really did. Essentially, it put, it put me at a point where I had no choice but to choose healing and learning and growing. And so I learned that the better way would be to build out my capacity And that was when I learned to regulate, recover intentionally, and then access, you know, I finally could access my clarity again, right? When you're not feeling confident, when you're not recovering because you're constantly kind of overstimulated, then you lose access to your clarity under pressure and you can't hold success without, you know, you can't hold success when you're depleted by, by all those things, if that makes sense.

Absolutely. Did that experience kind of help not only change you, but also the way you viewed other people, especially even now all of your clients, the way you view work and how the human being is supposed to function?

Yeah, absolutely. Of course. I mean, this kind of brings us to leadership capacity, right? What I I would say when we're, when I'm looking at myself and when I was looking at the folks that I had worked with, executives, C-suite executives, especially Fortune 500 environment is highly pressurized, right? So what's leadership capacity? I would say it's that ability to stay connected to your judgment and your communication and your values when the stakes are really high, right? And I had to first teach myself how to do it, and because I— and that was when, you know, I realized that it's kind of missing everywhere. And I talk so much about it because I think it's one of the missing pieces really in how we talk about leadership, because a lot of leaders are highly capable, but capability and capacity are not the same thing, right? Capability is, you know how to do, you know how to do it. But capacity is what you can really still access when pressure increases. And I think that that distinction is so key, right? Capacity is knowing what to do. Or I'm sorry, capability is, you know what to do, but the capacity is, can you still access that when the pressure increases? And I think that that distinction really matters because pressure changes what you can access. It changes how clearly you can think and Yes. How well you listen and how you communicate and, you know, how reactive you become. And also key in cybersecurity environments, and probably more than I know, is how much truth you can handle in those situations. I would say in cybersecurity, this really matters, right? Think about during an incident or a board update, any kind of escalation, stakeholder pressure. Even budget conversations, right? All of those moments where the information is incomplete, but you still have to make a decision, right? And the goal is not to always be calm, but the goal is to stay clear enough to access your best judgment so that you can communicate effectively to lead that, that level really requires.

Wow. That is really transformational because it could definitely affect people's leadership, right, performance, and personal capacity, especially in high-stress environment. Because it seems like many high performers, they really know how to push through. What did you learn about the hidden cost of always operating in survival mode?

Ooh, this is such a good question. The hidden cost about always operating in survival mode. I mean, there's a lot, and I don't think that they, that they're all visible at first. I would say that, you know, there are things that happen first internally that you'll notice. And a lot of people have probably noticed this already right now where you have that tired but also wired feeling. It's like, why am I exhausted but also feeling activated all the time? Right. And that's then, then when you're recovering, you're not actually recovering. It's like recovery without recovery. Why am I— I feel like I'm eating healthy and I'm sleeping as much as I need to I'm always exhausted, right? So I think that these, these show up first internally and then you get to the point where they start coming out externally where it's, you know, a lack of communication, maybe snapping under pressure. These can all have trickle-down effects, right? Where you, your team doesn't, you know, trust you, just become more irritable or less patient, I would say. Or maybe even more controlling in the room. And this can start to cause leaders to, you know, maybe over-prepare because they don't trust that they can think clearly in that moment, which causes more of that exhaustion. And none of these signs mean that a leader is failing or that they're not cut out for leadership. It just means that the system has been running hot for so long that it's begging for more capacity. And more recovery and more regulation.

Now, I think what you're saying is so relatable, the hidden cost, right, of always operating in survival mode. Again, especially in high-pressure areas like cybersecurity and in the US military as well. But now, what gave you the courage? Because I think it is so brave. Some people, they feel like, okay, I do need to make a change, kind of like what you experienced back then. But then you had the courage to walk away from corporate and really build this confidence shift. Where do you think that courage came from?

Where did the courage come from? Well, I think it definitely was not exactly chosen. I think that, um, I got to a point where I just couldn't live like that anymore. I think the courage came from, you know, yeah, I would say just realizing that that old path was no longer sustainable for me. Wow.

I'm not sure—

Yeah.

Go ahead.

I would say the real turning point came when I started studying the nervous system regulation, because that was when the lights really came on for me. And I realized as I mentioned before, that capability and capacity are just not the same thing, right? So suddenly, so much of my life made sense. I had been, you know, highly capable for a long time, but I hadn't had the internal capacity, I would say, you know, to hold the pressure. And then along with the grief, I couldn't hold success or responsibility or that next level that I was trying to move move into. And I just started seeing that pattern everywhere after I realized what it was. And I saw it in high performers and in leaders in cybersecurity and people who look very successful externally and are getting the job done, but internally are just exhausted or overextended, really. And that's, I built, that's why I built The Confidence Shift really from that whole realization.

Yeah, I feel like you really can help a whole lot of people. But as for most people, right, we don't like change. It's kind of scary and you feel like you need to change. But yeah, so you had the courage to go ahead and walk away from corporate and build the Confidence Shift. I'm sure you felt some type of fear too, right?

Yeah, of course. And for me personally, as somebody who functioned with a dysregulated nervous system, for the majority of her life, I started to kind of— that became my baseline, and so it felt normal. And so the being afraid and being activated and feeling that anxiety was, for me, it used to be a sign of encouragement almost. And so you just like fight fear with fear and push through it. And I thought that you had to do things kind of out of fear. And if it wasn't scary, then it wasn't important enough, if that makes sense.

Absolutely. And for those who are listening right now, some of them may really be clear now about finally finding their purpose and they need to make a change like you had to. But still, they are so afraid. They're like, no, I know the devil that I know. This may not be where I'm supposed to be, but I'm pretty comfortable here. And going out there, it's like going into the unknown and it's just so scary, they are afraid to even take the first step. What, what would you tell them?

To take the first step? Well, once you understand what nervous system regulation is, the first step is just understanding what state you're in. So once you can identify what state, what state you're in, you can actually intentionally change your state. And it doesn't take much practice. It's just awareness, really. And so I think that that's the first key. And within 5 minutes, you can, you can identify what state you're in. And then you just have to have a conversation with yourself, which is what is activating me? What am I actually afraid of? What's, what's— and not the whole picture, right? The what's right in front of me, what can I— what decision is holding me right now? Because it's not the whole picture. It's It's something small. And so when I was getting certified as a coach, my, my teacher told me small hinges swing big doors, and that really stuck with me. And so anybody who's, who knows that they're meant for more and really wants to take that next step, and they may even know what they need to do, but they're still not doing it, I would say you just start by identifying what the next best step is and just ask to figure out, yeah, ask yourself what's getting in the way, what's scary about it or what's shutting you down about it. And, and, and it's all about building internal trust because once you realize you can identify your state and then actually move and then switch your state, you don't have to wait for conditions to be perfect in order to feel more confident about it. You just have to recognize I'm, I'm being held back. I recognize that, okay, what's holding me back? And what right in front of me is holding me back? Not the big picture, and then just take one small step.

So powerful, awareness. And I think it takes a lot of emotional intelligence as well. One thing you talk a lot about is leadership capacity under pressure. Can you unpack that for us?

Yeah, yeah. So what is leadership capacity, right, under pressure? Because oftentimes it's confused with capability. And so I think this is important to define. I'm so glad that you asked. I would, I would explain it as this: leadership capacity under pressure is the ability to stay connected not only to your judgments but also how you're communicating and also your values when the stakes are high. And so I think that this is really the missing piece in how we talk about leadership, because a lot of leaders are highly capable, but capability and capacity again are not the same thing. So what the capability is— what can you still access when that pressure increases? And we know that we're in pressure cookers in the cybersecurity environment, and and whoever's listening, you know, with the military background, and we become, we become, we get to a point where we feel that this intense activation that we live in is neutral, and it doesn't have to be that way, right? And that distinction matters because pressure really changes what people can access. It changes how clearly you can think and how well you can listen. And then in turn, how well you can communicate and how reactive you become, and also how much truth you can handle. So, you know, that's where I think information can start to come to a leader incomplete from their team because maybe the leader's a bit too reactive and the team isn't comfortable sharing all the information that they have, but decisions need to be made, right? And so that can be really imperative to lead in and lead with an environment where your team feels that they can be truthful. Because again, the goal is not to always be calm. It's just to stay clear enough that you can access your best judgment at that, that level that that moment requires.

That is so powerful. Why do you think so many high-performing leaders mistake exhaustion for commitment? Or burnout for ambition?

Oh, exhaustion for commitment or burnout for ambition. You know, I think it happens because a lot of high performers, a lot of leaders have been conditioned to believe that exhaustion is, is just a part of success.

Yes.

And especially in high-pressure environments, the nervous system can become so used to activation that it, that it starts to feel normal. Essentially, it becomes your baseline, which is not healthy. So for a cybersecurity leader, threat awareness is part of your job, right? You're constantly thinking about risk and exposure and incidents and your stakeholders and response and just everything that could go wrong, right? And almost— I would say most leaders don't just turn that off when the workday ends. So being on alert becomes your baseline and running hot feels normal. And when that happens, exhaustion just starts to feel like proof of hard work or something, or like a requirement of your commitment, right? And, and in many ways, burnout, I would say it kind of gets disguised as, look how ambitious I am. Right? But I don't believe that leadership has to require being depleted because there's a really big difference between being deeply committed and being constantly overextended, and we don't have to live that way to be successful.

That is so important, and in cybersecurity and the military alike, people are expected to stay composed under constant pressure. What happens internally? You talked about the nervous system earlier when leaders never fully regulate or recover.

Yeah. Wow.

Okay.

I'm really glad that you asked. First, I want to say for anyone listening, this is really common. And if you hear yourself in this, I would say you just need to know that you're not alone. When leaders never fully regulate or recover, your system stays stuck on high alert. Think about it when you were like learning to drive. I don't know if you learned how to drive a stick shift and your foot, you're pushing too much gas without letting the clutch out. You're just revving, hitting that rev limiter, right? Winding out an engine, staying stuck on high alert. Over time, that activation, that, you know, it becomes your baseline. And if that's your baseline, then the real question comes in is when are you actually recovering, right? And I'd say too often recovery gets skipped and the system just keeps running hot. And over time, leaders start to lose access to the things that they need the most. And this is patience and nuance and listening and, believe it or not, creative thinking, right? All this affects your clear judgment. So you may look still composed externally and still be delivering, but internally you're spending way more energy than the situation should require, right? That's, that's that hidden energy tax.

Wow.

I think that's really going to help a lot of people who kind of go through chronic stress because you are right, it impacts your decision-making, communication, executive presence. But let's talk about psychological safety for just a moment because you spent years working closely with cybersecurity executives and Fortune 500 leaders, like you said in the introduction. What did those environments kind of teach you about trust and leadership?

Oh, the environments, those environments definitely taught me first that trust directly affects decision-making, I would say. So in cybersecurity, leaders are often making decisions with incomplete information, right? Part of the job. High pressure. There's serious consequences if you, you know, if something goes wrong and a lot of stakeholders are watching.

Yes.

What I saw is that the quality of trust in the room really changes the quality of information that the leader receives. And I'll explain that a little bit. So if there's trust, people are more likely to raise concerns early, right? They're more likely to say, I'm not sure, or this is not working, or we need help. If there's not trust, then people— you know, people on your team may wait too long, or they'll soften the message, or, you know, maybe just bring you a polished version of what's actually happening. And that matters because cybersecurity leaders need accurate information in order to make clear decisions.

Yes.

So what those environments taught me, really, I would say, is that leadership is not just about having the right strategy. It's about creating enough trust in the room with your team and everyone that the truth can reach you in time. Does that make sense?

Yes, absolutely. And as a coach, one of your most powerful questions has been, what happens when people don't feel safe enough to tell the truth? Why is that psychological safety so important, especially in high-stakes environments?

Yeah, okay. So what happens when people don't feel safe? This is such a great question. And I'm really glad that you asked. I would say, In high-stakes environments, truth is, I would call it a leadership asset. If people don't feel safe enough to tell the truth, yes, leaders are making decisions with distorted information, right? And that's dangerous. So psychological safety doesn't mean everyone's comfortable all the time, and it doesn't mean you're lowering your standards. It means that people can raise concerns and it— or admit uncertainty, right? Maybe challenge assumptions or surface risk early enough so that a leader can do something useful with it. Because in cybersecurity, that's critical.

Yes.

If a team member— like, for example, if a team member sees a risk but doesn't feel safe enough escalating it, the organization loses time. And if someone knows a timeline's unrealistic, but say stays quiet about it, then you're losing signal as a leader, right? I think, I think if people are, if people on your team are managing your reaction, if people are managing the leader's reaction instead of naming what's real and what's going on, then the decision quality really goes down. So I would say, I would say this is not just a culture conversation. It's really a, performance, risk, and leadership conversation, really.

Absolutely. So how do you think leaders should create or can create cultures where people actually feel safe in cybersecurity, escalating concern early rather than hiding problems?

Oh, I think cybersecurity leaders can create an open, honest, effective culture through their response patterns, right? I think people really pay attention to what happens when someone brings them early. I would say, I think they— people would pay attention to a leader, you know, that can handle imperfect or inconvenient information. So an example, if somebody raises a concern and the leader responds responds with like curious questions instead of drilling them or steadiness in their response. And, and then they have clear next steps. The team learns, you know, okay, it's safe and useful to bring things forward early, right? But if the leader is responding with blame or frustration, if there's panic in the room or immediate criticism, then the team will just learn to wait until they feel like they have to say something. And in cybersecurity, waiting can be very expensive.

Yes.

Right. So practically, leaders can normalize early escalation, I think, by asking better questions, making the team feel safe, you know, just asking, what are we seeing? What are we not sure about yet? What could we be missing? What needs to be escalated rather now rather than later, I guess. But, um, I think also it'd be— it's key to thank people for surfacing risks early, even if the information's inconvenient. Because I would say that a way that a leader responds to early truth from their team really determines whether or not people keep bringing it.

That's so true. Wow, that is really, really powerful. So let's talk about a subject you are extremely excited about, the nervous system regulation and executive performance. You've said that many people really don't have a mindset problem. What they have is a nervous system capacity problem. Can you explain the distinction?

I love this question, Bizzy.

Okay.

So I would say mindset is one tool in a way bigger picture. And the distinction is that mindset is what you think, what you think about. It can be what you believe, right? But Nervous system influences, again, what you can access under pressure. So a person can know the right thing to do, and they can have the right strategy, but they can still freeze or overthink, avoid, completely shut down, or react, you know, react negatively, overreact when pressure increases. So that doesn't mean that they're a weak leader, it just means that they're system internally, their system is reading the moment as unsafe or too much, and so they overreact. This is why just telling yourself to be confident or stay positive is not enough. Mindset and mantras, they work for some things, but as I said, they're a small tool. Use the tool if you'd like, don't if you don't. But what you really have to do is build the internal capacity to stay clear. When that visibility and when that pressure or extreme uncertainty, or, you know, for those listening that want to go to the next level, when that responsibility increases, right? So that's why I call it capacity work. Um, it's not just changing your thoughts, it's changing, it's training your system to hold more pressure without losing access to your clear judgment. Your communication and being able to take strong action.

In that case, what is nervous system regulation and why should executives and leaders care about it?

Nervous system regulation is your ability to recognize your internal state and then you can intentionally shift it towards more steadiness, more clarity, and more choice. I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this is something that's like key for Navy SEALs, right?

Yes.

Being able to intentionally shift toward a more steady state and being trained in this is really key. So executives and military leaders should care because pressure is part of the role. And the question's not whether or not pressure will show up. It will, right? The question I would say is, what can you still access when it does, right? Can you still listen? Can you still make clear decisions? Can you communicate without creating more fear in the room? And a big one is, can you recover after a high-stakes moment happens instead of carrying that activation into your next conversation, right? I would say regulation really matters because leadership quality is not just about what you know, it's really about what can you access under pressure.

Man, that really could be key, and especially in the military where sometimes it's a matter of life and death, it really makes a big difference if the leaders can regulate under intense pressure, where sometimes they don't always have all of the information they need in order to make a decision, but they do need to make a decision. So what are some of the practical ways leaders can regulate themselves, you know, before a board meeting, incident response call, or a difficult personal conversation?

Oh, practical ways to regulate. Okay, great. I think that most leaders probably have seen intentional regulation before, even if they didn't recognize it, right in front of you. If you've ever watched an athlete before a free throw or a penalty kick or, um, in the Olympics, right before they run, any kind of major play, you've seen them pause, breathe, reset their body, and narrow their focus before they act. That is nervous system regulation in action. So they're not doing that because the moment's going to be easy. They're doing it because the moment matters, right? And so Leaders can use the same principle. You can use it before a board meeting or an incident response or a difficult conversation. And it can be as simple as awareness first, which is just honing in on your physical body, which is I can feel my feet on the floor. That's the first simple step because you just have to get back your internal state, right? And so I feel my feet on the floor. And one deep breath and exhale, relaxing your jaws and your shoulders, and you ask yourself a question. You pull focus in. What state am I coming into this from, right? Or what in— what's my internal state right now? Because once you can recognize I'm activated or I'm shutting down, then you ask yourself, well, how do I want to lead this moment? And it's just a snap of a finger. You can intentionally change your state by asking yourself, it's just bringing consciousness into your body, you realize that you're safe, and you can choose how to lead. And that pause, it's not hesitation, people don't even notice it. It's preparation, really. And what it does is it creates controlled intentional action. So when we regulate, we can get more access to that prefrontal cortex, without getting too in the weeds with science, which your prefrontal cortex As soon as you take that deep breath and regulate, that's, that's what supports your judgment, your planning, communication, execution, all of that decision-making. So the goal is not to become perfectly calm. It's just to create enough steadiness in that moment so you can access your judgment clearly again, your communication comes back online, and then your choices are very clear.

That's really powerful. It sounds like the 5-minute reset for clarity under pressure you mentioned. Earlier. So really, leaders can do this in 5 minutes or less and be able to center themselves and really be grounded for better decision-making, right?

Yeah, exactly. The 5-Minute Reset is a simple tool that I created. It's an audio that you can just click and play, and it's designed for real life. That's exactly what it's for. Before a board meeting or an instant call, like I said, or any difficult conversation. Maybe you've been avoiding a hard conversation with your spouse. Those can be more activating than a board meeting, you know what I mean? I just received a LinkedIn message yesterday that my nervous system is more regulated out of work, outside of work, than it is at work. So, you know, it can be used for any moment where you realize that your system is running hot, and the goal is not to disappear for an hour and go do something complicated, right? We need a quick fix, especially when we're leaders under a lot of pressure. So It's a quick reset that brings you back into your body and brings your mind back into the room instead of thinking about the big picture. What's right in front of us? What does— what, what room are we walking into? What decision do we need to make? So it really helps you notice what, what your internal state is. Then you regulate your system back down to neutral.

That is really, really powerful for those who can put this into practice. I mean, that could definitely change the trajectory. Of your career or life. Thank you so much for sharing that. Now, for this last segment, looks like we have about a dozen minutes left. I want to kind of get into the leadership principles that have helped you be as successful as you are as a coach. Maybe one question I want to ask is, what do you think is one of the greatest lessons you've learned so far, whether in life, in leadership, or just in general?

Oh, the greatest Lesson that I've learned so far in general. Mm. Gosh, I think it would be really listening to— I would say listening to my body. I think when I'm activated, that's just energy moving through, and it usually means that I'm ready for my next level. I used to be afraid of my— the feeling of activation, and I called it anxiety. But really what it means to me now, and this is science fact, I think for a lot of people, you, it's the pressure is coming because your next level is so close and that expansion of capacity feels uncomfortable. And so I think what, what I've learned that has been so more, so much, the most impactful lately is that, that feeling of uncomfortable is actually a good sign. It means that Wow. There's a little bit of capacity work to do and your next level is within reach.

And what do you think is the secret of your success?

The secret of my success? I would say 5 years ago, success was all external for me. And it's really changed now. Now success means alignment. And that's really the secret. It's about, for me, doing work that feels full of purpose and having the capacity to be present in all parts of my life, not just my career. I think the secret to success is to be building something, you know, for me, that helps other people move towards who they're meant to become. That, for me, that, that looks like success. So I'd say like doing something that you love, like finding purpose, is definitely—

Yes. Wow, that's so powerful. And I know that, uh, leaders are learners. What are you learning these days?

What am I learning?

Well, I would say I'm always learning how to expand my capacity. I think I'm practicing the same thing that I teach I teach all the time, which is really expanding my capacity as I build this business. I have to, you know, it means staying grounded and especially when visibility increases and trusting myself in new rooms and, you know, not defaulting into, or, you know, past me, which is overthinking and, and overworking and really just, um, Yeah, teaching from lived experience and continuing to learn, like, teach what I teach and put it into practice all the time is really key.

That's really powerful because part of what you also do, you really help a lot of people kind of increase their capacity for more responsibility and promotion. And so many people, they have what I guess has been commonly called imposter syndrome, right? It's like they are really truly capable of doing the work, but for whatever reason, they feel like they are an imposter and they don't really deserve the promotion or the pay or the position. What would you tell to people like that, to maybe listening right now?

I think if you're suffering from imposter syndrome, again, it just comes down to being honest with yourself, right? Sitting down and honing in on less of the bigger picture. And again, I'll say like just what's right in front of you. You know that you're capable. You know that you— for me, I would be a lot— it would be often, I know what I know, but I'm afraid I'll say it wrong, right? Or under pressure, I won't perform even though I'm highly capable, right? And so I think anybody with imposter syndrome, you've gotten where you've gotten because you deserve to be there, right? And Capacity training is so key. And once you feel more in control of your nervous system, it's nothing. Nobody's really talking about it. So once you realize, I can identify my nervous system state and I can intentionally change it, you no longer feel that lack of control. And then you realize, I'm meant to be here and I should be here.

That's really, really powerful. Now, we always No, in this country we definitely glorify success. We talk a lot about successes and so forth, which is great, but I don't know, it seems to me like failure and success are two sides of the same coin. This coin was given to me by one of my best skippers. This side says, you know, success. This one says failure. I guess the question I have for you is, how has failure shaped your life?

Oh, how has failure shaped my life? I mean, I think fail fast is one of my biggest mentalities, I think for me failure is never a problem. I think it's something that is a gift, right? And so if you're in a position where you can fail, then you should celebrate that you're, that you've been given that opportunity in the first place and that you deserve to be there once again. And so I think you just can't be afraid to fail. In fact, the more times you fail, the quickly, the quicker you get to winning, right? And so I think, I don't know who said it, I heard it on a podcast on the podcast recently, but if you knew that you had to fail 99 times in order to win that 100th time, how excited would you be to go out and fail, right?

Yes.

And I think we should be excited to go out there and fail because every single time you do, you're getting so much closer to winning. So try to view it that way. Get the failures out of the way intentionally.

That is really big. I know, Thomas Edison, right, the one who invented the light bulb, it took him like 10,000 trials before he was able to be successful. Everybody said it was impossible, but he never gave up, he kept again and again. So basically every time he failed, it was okay, I've discovered a way it doesn't work, therefore there's another way that works, I just need to find out what that way is. And eventually he was able to get there. That is quite Powerful. What about fear? What is one of the greatest fear you've had to overcome?

Oh, the greatest fear. It's self— I think my personal is self-doubt. It's wanting to help so badly that it becomes perfectionism, right? And so my fear is getting in my— my fear was getting in my own way. How do I get out of my own way? How do I, you know, just, yeah, just trust the process. And so the biggest fear was always doing it the wrong way or giving, you know, you, nobody wants to give anyone the wrong information or tell or lay it all out there and incorrect or incomplete. So I think a lot of people can be hard on themselves and want to do things perfect, but it's a waste of time and energy. You got to just Just do it. Just learn from your mistakes and keep on going.

Keep on going. I guess that's how you build your confidence, isn't it? By doing. And wow. Who are some of your mentors or thought leaders you follow? People who have helped you throughout your career and life.

Thought leaders. There's so many great ones. You and I earlier discussed a couple of books, But as far as building a business, and I read and researched a lot building the business in the beginning, and now, um, I find time with podcasts more, but I really like, I would love it if she was my personal mentor, but, um, her name's Emma Greed and she's a business coach and she, she runs her own business, but, um, her podcasts are really great as far as I would say she really focuses on business with integrity and building a great team that trusts you. So I really appreciate her. And I listen to a lot of Simon Sinek, and he is a, he's a great, kind of like the power of why guy and working and living in purpose. And I think his stuff is great as well.

Yes, Simon Sinek has written a lot of books. I guess Start With Why is probably one of his most important work. Many people know that. And you've also mentioned this book, Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Doing Your Best When It Matters Most.

Yeah, that's a great book. I think the way that he explains that It doesn't require pressure in order to be successful. We don't have to put ourselves in a pressure cooker to gauge whether we're doing a great job or not. And it runs so linear in the work that I'm doing and all the knowledge that I want to share because it really, it really highlights the fact that this is an outdated way of thinking when we, we feel like we have to be overextended and overworked in order to have made an impact.

Oh, sorry, I can, I can hear you now. I don't know why we got disconnected. Oh yeah, yeah, we were talking, uh, about performing under pressure, how, uh, it was an outdated way.

Yeah, yeah, I think this is a great book for anyone who feels just exhausted and overextended. It, it'll help you realize that there's a different way to approach success.

Now, for, for those who are geeks like you and me and want to learn more about the nervous system, you mentioned this book, The Body Keeps the Score. Why should they read this one?

Yeah, so this one's a little bit out of, a little bit out of scope when it comes to professional training, but I think that this is really good for anybody who wants to understand why the body works the way that it works, um, especially the nervous system. It's fascinating on the science side, I'll keep it short, but your nervous system is designed to keep you safe. It's the opposite of designed to help you evolve. And so these feelings that we have when we're being held, really held back by fear or hesitation, um, that's your nervous system's job to keep you safe, but it gets, it gets in your way from helping you reach your next level. So that book will really dig deep to help people understand why their body does the things that it does. Why you feel triggered when you're not actually unsafe and, and why nervous system work matters. Because once you can intentionally change your state, you have so much more control.

That is really powerful. If you could choose 3 people to have dinner with, who would you choose and why? They could be alive, dead, or even fictitious characters.

3 people to have dinner with.

Wow.

This is a great question. Well, I'll bring back Emma Greedy because, because I mentioned her earlier. She's just such a powerful businesswoman and just operates under such strong ethics and team building, which is great. And again, at this point in my life, I would love to sit at the dinner table with Simon Sinek. I can't imagine how that conversation would go. I think Jay Shetty would be another top one for me. He's just such a great conversationalist and who knows what conversations would open there. That would be a love— That would be lovely.

Wow, powerful. Is there maybe like a song, a book, or even a movie that would be your life's theme or anthem?

Ooh, life's theme or anthem. This is a great question. Well, you know what? This might surprise a lot of people, but for the first time ever, and this is not— well, okay, I'll explain. So for the first time ever, I watched the Dead Poets Society.

That's with Robin Williams. Yeah. Oh, what is going on? Just a moment. Cassandra, can you hear me? Okay, let's give her just a moment to Reconnect. Uh, man, I really love doing this live. We are almost, almost done. Uh, just one moment. She talked about The Dead Poets Society. I haven't watched this for, for a while. I probably should watch this movie again. Uh, she might be having internet trouble. Let's see. Okay, I will have to edit this out when I publish it, but everything that Cassandra has shared so, so far, I think it's very, very important for us to really help regulate our nervous system, especially for those of you like me who work in really high-pressure environments within the military or cybersecurity. So I think this is quite important. Let's give her just a second to see if she can join us back. And for those who are watching live, what question do you do you have for Cassandra or for myself? Let's see. I hope she didn't lose her internet. Connection. And let me, um, Cassandra, can you hear me? Let's see. Uh, all right, this is kind of fun. Hopefully she's going to be able to come back and we can conclude this.

Let's see.

Cassandra, are you able to hear me now?

Oh, there we go.

Okay, I can, uh, hear you.

Sorry about that.

It is, it is okay. What I will do, I will have to edit this for the people, um, once I upload it to YouTube. But you were talking about the dead power society. I think the question I had asked, uh, a movie, a book, or a song that is your life's theme or anthem.

So yes, so, um, what it brings me to, I just, so I just saw that for for the first time. And when he recites the Walt Whitman poem, "O Me! O Life!" He said, let's see, what is the last— what is the line?

Captain! O my Captain!

Captain! O my Captain! So, and he says, let's see, you can— gosh, I would have to look it up. I think it is— you have, "What will your line be?" Mm-hmm. What's the quote? My gosh, I'm butchering this. I wasn't thinking of this before we got on here.

Yeah, I think I— you're talking about the very last line, right?

Yeah. He says that you are here, that life exists and identity, and that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. And then he says, what will your verse be?

To me, that was key.

So lovely. We should all be thinking about what our verse will be.

What would your verse be? So we're talking about purpose. Yeah, that, that is really amazing. Um, because I think I was a lieutenant junior grade, I must have been in 2009, I think 2010. The commanding officer I had is the one who really taught me to watch movies but looking for leadership lesson in everything I saw. And I feel like really purpose makes all the difference, doesn't it, between some— somebody who faces challenges and they're ready to just give up and someone who finds meaning and just persistent, kind of like Thomas Edison and keeps trying to find the 10,000th way to actually make the light bulb work when everybody else who had a lot more money and maybe even a greater brand or whatever, they just didn't see that possibility. Wow, powerful.

Exactly.

We are toward the the end of the show anyway. Thanks so much for coming back. Such a great honor and privilege to be talking to you. Hopefully I'm not taking too much of your time. Can you give me 5 more minutes before we close?

I think I've got— I, yeah, we'll hope my battery holds up.

Okay, okay, okay. We are going to bring this to a close. One question I have is, if you had one and only one day to live, what would you have liked your final contribution to be?

Oh, my final contribution. Wow. Well, I know that this may sound Well, I'll just say it. I think mine would be to share this knowledge with the world. I think it's a topic that is not being really discussed and that I think leaders in high-pressure environments, they may feel this, but they don't have the language for it. And so to discuss expanding capacity through nervous system regulation.

Yes.

I would just love to send the message loud, loud over the loudspeakers all over the world. I think that it would make people really understand themselves and feel seen and feel understood and remove a lot of that fear and self-doubt that gets in our way from really reaching for our next level because we all have the capability, we just need the capacity.

That's really powerful. And if you had a magic wand, right, you could solve any problem in the world, what is the one thing you'd like to solve first thing tomorrow morning?

Removing fear and self-doubt, I would say.

Yeah.

I mean, there's some people out there, we're glad that they're a little afraid to act on their immediate wishes. But I think, yeah, I think people are really held back by fear.

Now, I'm being a little bit selfish here. I'm thinking about my two daughters, Gen Zs. One of them just graduated from college and she's kind of studying on life. And my second one is about to start college, if you can believe it, next semester. So if you have young ladies who are listening to you right now and they're just not so sure about the future, everything happening with the economy, the war in Iran and all of that, and they're not quite settled about what the next step should be, if you had like a minute to talk to those young women, what would you tell them?

I would say that Don't let the external world control your internal world. All we can do is, you know, really control how, how we live and how we feel.

And, and staying regulated is really key to that.

And, um, wherever you are in life, you know, you're not failing, you're not behind. Everybody in some sense is overwhelmed, and that overwhelming feeling, I would is, is often a good sign. I would say it's a sign that you're ready to build capacity for what's next. I'd say, you know, all you need is access to your, to your next step, and that could be it. So if you're feeling overwhelmed, use it as, use it as fuel instead of fear, and just know that the best thing we can do is stay in control of ourselves internally, and then And then just make an impact however that looks.

That's so powerful. Sounds so simple, but could definitely change the trajectory of somebody's life. Thanks so much for sharing that, Coach Cassandra. And now let's turn to you. If you could go back and give a piece of advice to the 17-year-old version of yourself, standing at the edge of this incredible career you've had helping so many people, what would you say to 17-year-old Cassandra?

Yeah, gosh, I think, I think that my message would probably be very much the same, you know, it's just, you know, that you're safe, that you're not behind. The things that make you sensitive to people and trust and energy and, and truth are not weaknesses, they're part of a gift, and that, that's really powerful.

Wow, that really changes your mindset. Okay, we are getting toward the end. And what can we do to add value back to you? How can my audience do that?

Well, just, yeah, if you know anyone that you feel could use a little more, maybe just a nudge by understanding what's going on internally, high performers that you know that you may feel might be a little stuck at a growth edge or anything like that. I'd be happy to have a chat. You can book a free 30-minute session with me on my website.

Any referrals are great.

The more people that we can share this wisdom with, the better, I think.

That is so, so true. I'm really so glad to be talking to you today. So if you allow me, the next 2 minutes we are going to be done. I like to close with what I call the lightning round. So I'm going to ask you a question. Give me the first thing that pops in your mind as quickly as you can. So one word that defines great leadership. Let's see. Well, actually, we can end it here. It was really a great time speaking to Cassandra today. I am so grateful she persisted. I am pretty much done with the podcast today, and I'm hoping We are going to get her back probably by this time next year. She should publish her first book and I hope it's going to be a bestseller. And yeah, and we definitely want to support her. So that's all I have for today. And remember, she recommended we get the book Performing Under Pressure. So I'm going to add it to our digital bookshelf. She also recommended the book The Body Keeps the Score. I think we should all read that. Of course, she mentioned Start with Why by Simon Sinek. This book has been recommended by so many of my guests, probably more than a dozen times just in the past year or so. So my audience should already be familiar with it. I don't think I have any guests tomorrow, so what I will do is probably go— and we're going to be studying Proverbs chapter 24. Again, this is not a religious broadcast, but it's about leadership lessons and ancient wisdom from the Book of Proverbs. How those leadership lessons are still relevant today in 2026. All right, thank you so much for, uh, watching today, and I hope to see you tomorrow. So bye for now.

Thank you for tuning in to the Leadership and Success Podcast with your host, Coach BZ. If today's episode added value to your leadership journey, be sure to subscribe, share, and join us again for more wisdom nuggets on how to lead better and achieve greater success. Remember, leadership is the most critical skill of our time. The world will always need leaders to inspire others, drive innovation, and execute meaningful strategy. So why not count yourself among the bold leaders shaping the 21st century? Until next time, stay inspired, stay committed, and keep leading with excellence.