What is the Secret to your 24 Years Marriage? with Bob & Demetria Zinga

All right, so please, if you want to get time, watch that episode, Season 5— Season 4, Episode 121. That was last year. So now I'm gonna bring you a very special guest. Before I do, let me read a poem I actually wrote yesterday. I'm gonna try not to get emotional here, but I told my life partner when first we pledged our vows, my pockets bare, you saw not lack but promise yet unseen. Through nights unsure and burdens we would share, you stood, my truth, my strength, my calm between. Through thick and thin, when storms would test our way, you were the rock that held our world in place. For Zoe's dream and Naomi's brightened day, you built a home with love, resolve, and grace. Phenomenal woman, faithful, kind and true. Your beauty shines from death, no time can dim. Compassion lives in all you say and do, a constant light when days go hard or grim. We've gone through that. I know this truth, as sure as stars above. My life is whole because you choose my love. All right, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, uh, the Leadership and Success Podcast, please help welcome my love, my rock, my partner, the one and only Demetria Brown Zinga. All right, Demetria, thank you for being here. What do you have to say?

Oh my goodness, I can't believe I'm here finally. Uh, Thank you for the beautiful poem again. That was lovely. Um, so don't start me crying, crying too much. No, but thank you for having me on. And, um, yeah, I've been enjoying the last hour or so of all your leadership concepts, and it's been really good. I love everything you've been talking about, clarity and authority and helping other people find their purpose. As you're finding yours. So like, lots of good stuff here, good nuggets, and I'm really proud of you.

Thank you, thank you. Well, thank you for helping me, uh, remain grounded. And, uh, yeah, I couldn't do life without you. Like I've told you many times before, if you ever decide to leave me, we're gonna leave me together, because it's impossible for me to stay alive without your love. So thank you for everything. All right, I know we wanna— we don't want to keep you long.

Anything else you want to share with the, uh, Audience, before you say goodbye, um, no, I'm just like really happy to be here and my first time on your show. Um, yeah, keep doing what you're doing. It's lots of, lots of great stuff here, lots of nuggets to like feed on. Um, this is not something that you can just kind of pop in and then leave. Like, it actually, you take it with you. So good teaching, keep doing it. I've, I've seen your integrity. I've seen a lot of the things you talked about today, like growth and diligence. This is what you do. Like, you practice everything that you're talking about here. You get up every morning, you do this religiously every single day without fail. And it's just a testament to if you put your mind to it, you know, you can do it. And you've encouraged me to be, um, confident in doing what I'm doing.

So thank you. Maybe for those who are watching who might be in a relationship thinking about marriage, what's your advice for them about finding the right partner for life? Now, as you know, 50% of marriages end up in a divorce in this country. And when we got married, it's not really interracial, although some people thought it was, but me from Africa, you from the US, two different countries, different culture coming together. Again, we've been married for almost 25 years. That's a long, long time. What would you encourage to the people looking forward to maybe finding a lifetime partner?

Uh, practice discernment. And that just means have your spidey senses up if, if need, and just really be intuitive, be in tune with what your gut check is telling you. That's really important. And If you're a person of prayer, spiritual person, pray. Make sure that you kind of get that green light before you move forward, because beyond all the flutteries and all of the, the butterflies, there is the work of marriage, and that is a long-term commitment. And so you have to really, really want to be in a committed relationship, to have someone that loves you but that you also love. It's a two-way street. And so I think it's really important that, um, I think in today's society especially, people are just looking for convenience, but it's really important to look at marriage as a commitment on both sides. And so, uh, yeah, just, um, really stay in discernment, stay in prayer, and don't just look at how you feel now, but look at the future of that commitment you're making with the other person.

That is so powerful. When did you know that I was the right partner for you? If you want to share it, if not, that's okay.

Yeah, I think you and I both kind of discovered that together, right? We had our little test that we—

Yes, I have my own version, but your version is better.

Yeah. I, I think it was prayer. It was also just observing the elements of my life, right? People around you will let you know. So I, you know, you have loved ones, family, friends, and just those words, and, uh, you, you kind of get a feel for if this is right or not. And it just felt right, and I knew it was right because so many things were in alignment and were falling into place. So I didn't question whether or not you were the right one. Like, it just was kind of like that discernment. Like, I knew that I would spend my life with you. So, wow. But there's more to that story.

Okay, last question. I'm gonna have to let, let you go. For those who are already married, so we've been married almost 25 years, 25 years in July. Different background, grew up in different country, uh, different continent, separate life, and now the two coming together and living this wonderful life together. What do you think is the secret of our marriage? Why have we lasted so long, almost a quarter of a century, you think?

I really think the deepest shared interests. So there's the, the, there's the concentric circle, right? You have shared interests. We have a lot of things that we do that are similar, but it goes far deeper than that. And I think that's where we're spiritually compatible. I think that is what has kept us together all these years, because at the core of everything, there's, you know, our shared faith that has drawn everything else in our lives closer together. So yeah, I think that's what it is.

What a great honor to have you for the very first time. I've been trying to get you on this platform for a long, long time. So my love, and I am so, so proud to be your husband. So I am Dimitra's husband, everyone, and thank you, love you, and see you soon.

All right.

All right. So hopefully this was a great bonus for you. Didn't quite plan this, but I think it is quite important. So I'm hoping this adds value to you. And again, these lessons, you can listen to them over and over again. Today's lesson will be uploaded on all of the major podcast platforms, probably by the end of today. So after today, you're gonna have access to lesson 1 through lesson 31, the book of Proverbs. Each one has 7 lessons except for 2— this one has a bonus 8th lesson. But there was also another one where I had 2 bonus lessons as well. Again, I'm hoping to add value to you. So to close down this chapter, Proverbs chapter 4, 31. So this chapter really closes the book of wisdom by reminding us that leadership is not a role, right? It's not a role you play. It is a responsibility lived out daily. Another one that I interviewed, Billy Jones, global CIO, he taught us that leadership is responsibility, something you have to do whether you feel like it or not. It's your responsibility every single day, consistency, right? It calls leaders to restraint, to justice,— to diligence, to compassion, to strength and enduring character. That's really the foundation it's all based on. The final chapter of Proverbs does not end with power, but with praise earned through faithful service. I think you will be great by serving others. That's where I believe the source of greatness is. You are great not because people praise you, but it's because you serve people. That is what makes you great. Alright, so now as a big closing, again, this is the very end of this special edition of the Leadership and Success podcast. We went through the Book of Proverbs for ancient wisdom. We've been mentored by it, every single chapter. Again, not a religious study, but really a study to find wisdom and leadership lessons. So this Book of Proverbs closes not with a command or a conquest or a crown, but with character. From the opening call to fear the Lord in chapter 1 to the portrait of a life well lived in chapter 31, Proverbs reveals a simple yet demanding truth: Wisdom is not learned in moments; it is forged through daily choices. You have to make the choice to lead every single day. You have to make the choice to do the right thing every single day, not just once in a while, but every day, every opportunity. Because leadership in God's economy is not about charisma, or control. It's not about your talent, but about discipline, discernment, humility, justice, and faithfulness over time. Brian Tracy is another one of my mentors who told me many times, someone who is disciplined, who is consistent, who is diligent will run circle around someone who is extremely talented. Because sometimes people who are very, very talented, high IQ, they're kind of lazy like everybody else. But if you build your character and you are disciplined, you wake up before everybody else, you go to sleep after everybody else, you work while you are working, you are diligent, you add value consistently, not just for one day, not just for a week, but over and over and over again, eventually you are going to surpass the people who have a lot more intelligence, who have a lot more talent and skills. Because those skills you can learn them, but character, if you don't have it, nobody can really teach you that. Okay? So Proverbs teaches us that every path has a price. Every decision shapes direction and every habit becomes destiny. So it's what you think, how you feel, what you do, and then that's going to affect your path, your destiny. It reminds us that integrity is built privately before it is tested publicly. It shows us that words can heal or they can destroy. Pride isolates, humility invites, counsel. And self-governance is the foundation of governing others. You have to govern yourself first. You have to lead with humility. That's the number one lesson I learned when I was really blessed and privileged to be the commanding officer of the Global Network Operations Security Center for the entire US Navy in Suffolk, Virginia. What a privilege that was. And I had to lead not with pride, boastfulness, but with humility. Across its 31 chapters, Proverb mentors leaders in the ordinary moments where legacies are quietly form, how we listen, how we speak, work, love, manage anger, steward resources, choose friends, honor commitments, and walk with God. Wisdom, we learn, is not theoretical, but it is practical righteousness lived out in real relationships and real responsibility. Again, in the Navy I learned about leadership. It's about confidence, it's about competence, but it's also about connection. The three C's of leadership. And in its final chapter, Proverbs leaves us with a vision, not of perfection—nobody is perfect—but of faithfulness, of excellence, of diligence. A life marked by diligence, compassion, strength, restraint, justice, and reverence for God and men. It reminds us that the highest form of leadership is service, And the truest measure of success is the good we leave behind in others. Long after you are gone, that is going to be your legacy, the effect you had on people. Proverb does not promise an easy road, but it charts a trustworthy one. So it's not easy, but it is simple though. It's not easy, but it is simple. And you just have to put it into practice every day, every day. And you're not always gonna be successful. We are human, to err is human. You're gonna make mistake, but when you fall, you get back up again. And you keep walking your walk. Anything that's aligned with where you are going with your vision, that's what you do. And if it's not aligned, that's none of your business. You wanna keep your focus. Because if you are focused, again, you're gonna do a lot more than someone who has a lot of talent, but who is distracted. You're gonna run circles around them. Keep focus, lead, lead yourself first, govern yourself, and then you're gonna be able to lead others well. Okay, so for those willing to walk it daily, wisdom becomes not just guidance for leadership but a companion for life. All right, I hope this special edition of the Leadership and Success Podcast has blessed you. That's everything I wanted to share with you. Again, let me know in the chat what you got out of it, your 3 to 5 highlights from Proverbs chapter 31, and then also for the entire book of Proverbs. The replay will be immediately available on LinkedIn, and on YouTube, and it should be available on all of the major podcast platforms by the end of today. Thanks again for trusting me to teach you what I know, what I've lived, and share with you from the book of Proverbs. Again, this was not religious, but about leadership lessons and ancient wisdom, how we can still apply those same lessons today, and I believe live our life with impact. Okay, this is it. Thank you so much for being with us today, and I'll see you tomorrow.

Bye for now. Thank you for tuning in to the Leadership and Success Podcast