I can't believe I'm saying this...

Hey everybody, I hope this looks okay. I hope this sounds okay. As you can see, I'm in a new place. There's a reason for that. I'm going to tell you what that reason is. I just want to start though by saying how honored I am that you're even watching this video because this is going to be a personal update video. I do not take it lightly. Just when I think about where this channel has gone in the last year or so, that we're now at like 11,000+ subscribers and often, you know, a couple thousand of you at minimum, like, watching these videos that I really put a lot of effort— I've put a lot of years and effort into to make stuff that is hopefully really helping you sell more of your art. Like, that— I, I think there's nothing that excites me more in terms of work for me than helping creatives take back their own control and their own power. Like, that truly is my mission. And that's, that's not just a business thing. That's an internal thing, which really leads me to where I'm at and why I've been missing and what's going on is because I also am having to take back sort of my own internal power. And I'm currently in a separation with my wife. I've decided to be here now. And in the last year, I've been doing a lot of deconstruction of my faith, a lot of just deconstruction of myself, my own fears, my own whatever, you know. And it all has kind of come to a boiling point where, you know, just kind of being alone and figuring out how to navigate all these things that are keeping me from being the best version of myself is what I feel like the best move. And, you know, that makes it hard because a lot of people would disagree. But this all started because of the deconstruction of my faith. I've been a Christian for many years, my whole life basically. And is my faith based on fear, right? Or is it based on love? And everything in my life has really been based around fear. And so when you take that as like my faith being a huge foundation of my life, in that capacity, I uprooted it for a long time, but I didn't really address it. And then, you know, you put that in the mix with like having kids and how do I, How do I be the best dad that I can? How do I teach my kids to have a love-based faith that is really about serving people well? And I saw a comedian say this the other day. It's like she said, one of the hardest things that I found about being a Christian was being right all the time or being better than everybody else. I think that's what it was. And that's kind of one of my biggest qualms with the just that faith in general is that there's this feeling of, um, I'm right and you're wrong. And I don't like— I see all that feels like gray matter. I just think a lot of our world is living in this I'm right, you're wrong situation. And I don't think that's healthy. You know, I'm dealing with what feels like sort of a midlife crisis. I had, I had such a vision for this business for the last 5 years and I've kind of lost track of that. What I know to be true is that I love what I do so much. So it's not been that I'm like, oh, I want to sit this down or I want to stop. It's not about that at all. It's that I've had to kind of set this down to really get back to what needs to be addressed, which is me. You know, where am I feeling fear? Versus love, where am I feeling like I want to go as a human being first? Because ultimately for all of us, that should be the goal in my opinion, is like we become better people and when we become better people and we grow, everything that we're a part of grows, whether that's our business, whether that's our creativity, whatever that is. But it's really easy or it has been easy for me in the last year to really get caught up in the business, to really get caught up even in my relationship to my wife, even, you know, with all these things and say, where is my identity within this? So that has led me here. It's all really hard, if I'm being honest, there's a lot of, a lot of challenging moments right now. But I just felt like telling you at least this much is going to be helpful for me. Because if I don't tell you anything, then I sort of feel like I'm just out here trying to fake it and hide it. And so I don't want to be, I don't like to do that. I much rather operate from openness and I am drawing boundaries on like, you know, what, here's what, you know, this means, or here's what I'm going through with this and all that stuff. But what I do know is that I'm working on myself. You know, I'm starting counseling on Monday. Or therapy. And, you know, I've got coaches around me all the time. I'm starting to feel a little more like drive to show up and do this, which is great. And, you know, I'm seeing a lot of things that trigger me, and I'm going through that and trying to figure out how to navigate all those things. And, and I just thought, well, maybe if I make this video, someone who is going through something similar might get something from it. And somebody might judge me for my approach or my ideas, and that's okay too. Like, you have every right to judge me. We live in a world right now that we impose our own life experiences, our own beliefs, our own ideas on people without really seeking to understand them first. And for me, you know, to be very frank, like, this is kind of opening up a Pandora's box of, like, how I've done that to people in the past. And it's really fascinating. For instance, and then I'll kind of land the plane here, but this was, like, a pretty interesting moment for me. I was doing a meditation, and my parents split when I was about 3 years old, and my dad wasn't around too much, and my mom was an alcoholic. We've lost my mom. A number of years ago. And we didn't have— my mom and I didn't have the best relationship, you know, but we mended quite a bit of it. And there was still stuff that lingered after she passed. But when I was in this meditation, I saw myself and I saw her and I saw my dad, and I just saw them really doing the best that they could in those moments, even though from the outside a lot of people didn't feel like they were doing the best that they could. If that makes any sense at all. And so, you know, sorry to get emotional, but this is, I think, a really important thing for us in this time where everything is trying to divide us, everything is trying to push us further away from one another. And it is really easy to not seek first to understand someone's situation, and instead impose our own life experiences and stories onto them. And so when people say like, if you're getting mad, that's not really their fault, it's you being triggered, boy, I've taken that to heart. And so when I find myself getting mad, I'm looking and saying, why am I getting mad? What's happening right now? Well, here's what I'm saying. I'm a screwed up guy and I have a lot of issues. I just, I just want to say, like, I really am just trying to do the best I can. And so my goal with kind of putting this out there is just letting you all kind of see where my head's been. And then the next video, we're going to get back to normal. And maybe I'll update you all once in a while if you let me know in the comments that this is interesting, or if there are parts of this that you'd like to hear more about, I'm happy to do that. I want to be an open book in this because I'm a big believer that we're put here and we're put through circumstances to help other people. And even when it feels hard, right? And it's the hard things that actually grow us. It's not the easy things. So let's put a bit of business spin on this right now. One thing I've learned in this is that I have a business that I love. And I serve my clients well, I think. I feel really confident in that. And what I would say is that with them, I've still continued to show up. I've still continued to be in my community with my paid clients and all that stuff. But on the outside with you all that maybe aren't a part of my paid world, it's been harder. And that's me running a business, but I'm not running a business. Like to me, a business, like a real, like grown-up business operates regardless of circumstance. And I'm not saying one is better than the other, right? I'm in a position right now where this is just what it is. But it's opened my eyes to this idea that, you know, there are ways that I could be better at planning and executing so that I'm still serving you all and myself at the same time. And continuing to do those things. And I know some people will be like, hey Lennon, just rest, it's cool. I agree, I totally agree, and I think both can be true at the same time, that I can have better systems in place, not to grind it out, but truly out of a place of like service and excitement for what I get to do. So that's all I got right now, and I'll see you in the next video. We'll talk more about what's going on with your art business, how to grow it, how to get more sales, how to do all that stuff from a place that you're being authentically you, which is all I'm trying to do here. So I'm sending you tons of love. I'll see you in the next video. Don't forget, you don't make art, you are the art.