Medium Barbra Banner: The Signs From Loved You're Already Missing | EP

You know you need something, you're just not sure what. You've been listening, you're doing the work, but there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place, like you're waiting for the thing that finally moves you. Now maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back, the timing, the money, or you're just not sure you're ready yet. I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you. I built a resource for exactly this moment, guided meditations for when the waves hit and you just need to breathe. Workbooks to help you get out of your head and onto the page, ebooks on what near-death experiences tell us about the people we've lost, and whether they're really gone, a full course for widows and widowers who are ready to find their way back to living, and a full course for the evidence of the afterlife. And all of it is available for pay what you want. Nobody gets turned away because of money. I think these resources are valuable, but I don't want to hold them back because you don't have the money to pay for them. You don't have to wait until you're ready for coaching. The next step might be a lot smaller than you think. To find out, go to grief2growth.com/store. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/store. And check out the resources I've made for you. Close your eyes and imagine. What are the things in life that cause us the greatest pain? The things that bring us grief are challenges, challenges designed to help us grow, to ultimately become what we were always meant to be. We feel like we've been buried. But what if, like a seed, we've been planted? And having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree. Now, open your eyes. Open your eyes to this way of viewing life. Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature. This is Grief to Growth. And I am your host, Brian D Smith. Welcome to Grief to Growth. I'm Brian D Smith. And this show is about the questions that don't leave you alone. Who we are, where do we go when we die? And is it possible that people we lost are actually closer than we think? I bring on guests who help light the path, especially when everything feels dark. Today, my guest is Barbara Banner. And Barbara is a medium who didn't choose this work so much as the other side chose her. Objects flying off the shelves, lights flickering in rooms without bulbs, orbs dancing through her videos. When the universe knocks that loudly, you answer. What she didn't know was that she was stepping into a gift that had been running through her family for centuries. But what sets Barbara apart isn't just the extraordinary evidence she delivers, it's the 35 years she spent before any of that showing up for people in the worst moments of their lives. Crisis hotlines, hospital emergency rooms, showing up at the scene of a passing with the LA Crisis Response Team to support grieving families while the body was actually still there. That kind of service doesn't happen by accident. It looks in retrospect like it was all training. Barbara is a certified medium with Helping Parents Heal and with Mark Ireland Certified Medium listing. And if you've ever had a reading with her, you know she brings something rare— the evidence that hits hard, the love that comes through clear, and somehow in the middle of it all, there's laughter. In this conversation, we're going to go some unexpected places. The shocking oh my God moments that still leave her speechless. What your loved ones on the other side are actually doing, and the hint is they're not sitting quietly. And why grief might look completely different if you shift just one thing about how you hold it. We're going to talk about trance mediumship, how to recognize the signs that you're already missing, and what it really means to surrender to what spirit is telling you. If you've been waiting for a sign that connection is real, or if you're someone who already believes but you're reaching for something deeper, this one's for you. And if you want to continue this conversation after the episode, head over to grieftogrowth.substack.com. You'll find an article there about today's discussion where you can connect with me and other listeners. And with that, let's welcome Barbara Banner.

Hi, pleasure to be here. Like everyone says, Yeah, it's great to have you here today, Barbara.

So it sounds to me like you were kind of called in this work by some unusual— sounds maybe paranormal circumstances. Tell me about that.

Well, I reckon my coming out to 3 movies— Poltergeist, Freaky Friday, and Alice in Wonderland—

I—

it just happened like all in a few days from clocks flying off walls, my mother-in-law's picture on the mantle jumping off. I had nothing to do with it, by the way. And orbs and lights flashing. And it was like, whoa. And I wasn't scared. And luckily my husband saw it, or he would have taken me in for some psychological evaluation. But it was amazing. And I've always loved that kind of stuff. Maybe that was like a precursor. I remember watching shows like— this is before your time, you little youngster— Sylvia Browne.

Oh yeah, I remember.

Okay. All right. All right. So, you know, and I just, I was fascinated by it. So I wasn't scared and I just decided, okay, this is all for a reason. And I decided to take a beginning mediumship class and see what they wanted. And And it just like, I hit the ground running. Okay. I went to Suzanne Giesemann and she was like the perfect person to start out on this because I believe I'm like her, just joy, joy, joy. Just, and it's, I choose joy as well as she does.

Yeah.

So that's how it started.

At what time of your life was this? You were, what was your career at this time?

I had a fabulous career in advertising for like 35 years. You know, I worked at the big agencies, marketing, You know, it was, I loved it. I thought, oh, this is my purpose in life. Yeah. Until I aged out of it, okay? Once they stopped calling me a copywriter and wanted to call it a content creator, I knew it was over for me. So I just decided to, you know, I was doing some commercials and just biding my time, doing a little writing, whatever. And so this came to me during the pandemic when nobody was doing anything. So they picked a good time for me to study. I didn't, and you know, I was doing like so many practices with other mediums. But I actually hit the ground running, as I said, on my first practice in Suzanne's class. I went home that night and I locked myself in a closet with the lights off Didn't really want my husband to know what I was doing. So, and I saw, I meditated, which was the first time I ever meditated a few days ago. And I saw my dad looking over like a short wall with other spirits. And he's saying, "She's gonna do it. She's gonna do it." Oh, wow. And I thought, "This is easy. Okay, I love this." You know?

Wow.

That's how it started. And within 7 months, I had hung a shingle. I had so many other mediums wanting to trade with me and everything. They said, you should be doing this professionally. So—

Oh, wow. So you spent time, though, in crisis hotlines and emergency rooms. What was that about?

Well, I always liked to volunteer.

That's just— I always wanted to work.

It was volunteer work. I, you know, like once a week I would do this, that. And I started with a women's crisis hotline because I was sort of like the Dear Abby of my group. You know, everyone came to me for for— to tell them things. And incredible training in every aspect of crisis, from suicide to homelessness to this to that, to everything. It was incredible working with wonderful psychologists and everything. That I did 14 years, and it was great. And I used that kind of training that I got in my regular life. Until, you know, some of my friends said, "Okay, this is not a hotline call. You know, just talk to me like you normally do, okay?" Swear a little, do whatever you have to do. So, um, so after that, I think I needed a little more adrenaline, if that was possible. So I went to Cedars-Sinai Hospital and volunteered in the ER.

Oh, wow.

What you see there is crazy.

Yeah.

So that's where my adrenaline rush was. And then the craziest thing, somebody told me about, um, the, uh, city's crisis hot— uh, the city's crisis response team. Where somebody passes on a scene, whether it was at an accident or at home or whatever, murder, it doesn't— And the police would call the crisis team to send a team out because the family had come on the scene. And you could only imagine how they were feeling and what was going on when their loved one was— could have been like 10 or 15 feet away from them.

Yeah.

Who passed, and the coroner. So that's what I did. And I would just be there for the family. A lot of listening, you know, getting them water, whatever they needed at that moment. I was there. And that was an amazing— And we'd be called out at 2:00 in the morning or any time. So that was incredible. My friends would ask me, they say, Why are you doing that? You know, like, you're up at 3:00 in the morning, you know, on the East Side of LA. Why are you doing that? And my answer is, "Because I can." Somehow, through all my training, and there was like— I trained at the police academy for the crisis response team. So I just— I just was ready for it. It was for me. I said, "Because I can. I can compartmentalize." As horrible as the scene was, as sad as it was for me to witness this, it's like, "Don't be selfish. This is not about me. This is about them." So, I didn't even think about how I was feeling. I just absolutely was there for them at the moment. I was in the moment for them.

Wow. Wow. So, when these things are happening around your house, a lot of us would think, "Okay, I've—" got a poltergeist, or, you know, am I, am I possessed or something? What is it? Did you get like a message that said you should think about mediumship? How did you make that connection?

Stay with us, we'll be right back.

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I guess I was already— I go like this. I said, I was obviously— I was— I've heard that I was a medium for like centuries before that. And I just feel like, okay, I'm awakening now. I'm coming out of the closet. Something's happening. If it was one little thing, if the clock only flew off, I'd think, okay, we had— it's LA, there was an earthquake. Yeah. But with all of this happening at once, and the orbs really killed me because, as I said, I did some commercials and things, and I went to check the audition tape before I sent it in. Woo! Willy-nilly, like dozens going around. And I said, wow, I didn't see those when I was filming. Yeah. It was more than just, oh, I didn't think— and it was no negative energy at all. It was like being in a light show. It was just like, it was joyful the way it was handled. Okay. So it wasn't spooky. Yeah. I knew that there was a reason. And I didn't figure out till later what someone else said. Barbara, dummy. Um, can't you see that every— everything you did in your volunteer work was divinely guided for you to be a medium? Yeah. And I said, I never thought of it that way. Yeah, yeah.

So you, um, you mentioned that you found out later on that I guess this runs in your family, mediumship.

Well, um, I, I didn't know till til much later. My mother was 103 and a half, okay? Um, and I wanted to tell her, Mom, I'm talking to Dad. I'm a medium now. I didn't know how she'd handle it. I thought it could take her right over the edge, you know what I mean? Which is where she wanted to go at 103 and a half. So I told her, I said, Mom, I didn't know how you'd take it. She said, your grandmother used to drag me around with her to tea leaf readers and card readers and psychics and crystal balls when I— when, when when I was young. And everyone came to her to get some— her intuition. She was so good. She had the juju. I said, "Mom, you're almost 104. When were you going to tell me?" Yeah. She wasn't. They didn't talk about it then. You know, it just— several hundred years ago, we'd be, you know, we'd be barbecued. You know, so it's— it was on my own. So— She was fine with it. She was— my other brothers, you're crazy. Okay. But, but she was fine. She understood. Nobody knew. And being, you know, doing a lot of practicing with other spiritual people, several of them said the same thing. They said, you've been doing this for a long time. Okay. So that's why I could just pop up and do it.

Okay. So they said you've been doing this for a long time. Did they mean like in past lives? Past lives.

Yeah. They said one person said centuries and centuries. The other one said 1,000 years. So, you know, it's hard to tell time on the other side, but I believed it. How can you just like wake up one morning and the next day you're a medium? You're talking to people. But I did not have this when I was young, okay? I did not have an imaginary friend or, you know, things going on in my crib. Yeah. But we also didn't have, you know, the videos to see what was going on there.

Who knows? Yeah, well, it's interesting because a lot of people, um, they do have these things when they're young. Yeah. And when you talk about, you know, volunteering in the emergency rooms like that, I can imagine you seeing, you know, seeing death and stuff. But you weren't getting anything psychically at that time. It just kind of opened up. Nothing.

Nothing. And even After I became the medium and went on the calls, I didn't get anything either. And that was for— first of all, the city of LA was not going to, you know, say, "I've got a medium there and she'll tell you what your son just said, okay?" Or what happened. I was just there to help others. And spirit didn't screw me up and bring anybody for me to, uh, to talk to. So it all worked out the way it was supposed to.

Yeah. Yeah. So you said you did this training and you, it became, sounds like it came pretty immediately and easy for you.

I'm still training. Mediums will train for the rest of their life. You know, we watch, we watch the podcast too. So we learn, we learn a few tricks of the trade.

Yeah. So how long after you started training did you feel like, okay, well, this is, this is the thing for me to do. I'm going to, you know, hang out my shingle.

Well, really quickly. I mean, it was— I can't explain how exciting the readings were, you know, just even practicing with the other students. I was, I was jacked up all the time. I mean, I just couldn't wait for the readings because stuff was coming out of me that I couldn't believe either. I mean, you know, did I say that? Do you really have a white dog with, you know, one paw? I mean, I couldn't— I didn't believe it either. And trust was the last thing on my list that I had to do.

Trust and ego. Oh, really? Explain that.

Well, I was just doing, you know, I was doing really well and all the other mediums wanted to change with me. And I, you know, you can get a big head, you know, because it was just so easy. Um, so I, I was told, you know, okay, there's no ego in mediumship. Okay. You gotta like forget about it. And spirit also, when I got a little too big for my britches, gave me a stinker of a reading. Okay. Where like, what? Um, so they kept me in track as well. They kept me in, in line, which is great. And they still do, you know? Yeah. You feel so great after you help these people and they're so thankful and they feel better. And that's what we do it for, to sort of lighten the load of grief. Yeah. Fill in the blanks. Because most people have things in the back of their head like, I wonder this, I wonder that. And we can help. I had one woman who, was abused by a distant relative. And she said, I, and she's, and I read her and I brought him out and he was apologizing. She goes, I have been waiting 60 years for him to come through and apologize. So It can happen. Yeah. It can happen anytime. And I just am as excited about what comes through as anybody else. And I trust it now because there was a time that I said, I don't know if I should be saying that. Yeah. Or they just would say it. And like I was reading somebody's granddaughter and the grandmother was in spirit. And all of a sudden I say, 'And if you want more money, you better do phone sex.' And I said, 'I didn't say that. I don't know how that came out of my mouth.' And the girl was laughing. She goes, 'That's a running joke between me and my husband for years. And just the other night, I said, that chair's looking a little grungy. I think I want another one.' He goes, 'Well, then you better do phone sex because that still works.' So you just don't know. So you just have to trust. Yeah. And they pushed me. They, you know, spirit is training us too. So they push you to do things because every reading is a learning experience. Trust was the hardest thing because I have a sense of humor and they gave, you know, my guides have a sense of humor too. They've done some really crazy things and I just have learned to say it. You know, set it and forget it. Just, just say it. Yeah. And they're usually right. So I, I just leave it to, I'm but the vessel. Yeah. Like all mediums.

What kind of crazy things have your guides done?

Well, one of the first things they did was I, I, I got 25 emails one day saying, I just got an email from you, bannermedium.com, that I have a, a session with you Wednesday. At 2 o'clock. And they say, I didn't make that. And she said, in the name of my, my housekeeper was in the message box. Well, first of all, when I sense when it gets an auto thing, there's no message box. Okay, so I said, first of all, I didn't even, I didn't do it. And all of these people were letting me know they all had a Wednesday at 2 o'clock session. And they all had a message box with the name of one of their loved ones in it. Now, how would I know any of that? So, I asked one of the women, I said, "Who's Rosa Gonzales?" She said, "That's my housekeeper." "How do you know the name of my housekeeper?" I said, "I don't." What I found out— So, what I said is, is there any reason spirit is putting guiding me to your housekeeper? And she said her son died 2 days ago. Oh, wow. And everybody who I contacted, I said, is something going on? They all said yes. Wow. So I asked the guides, please don't do that anymore. It's an awful lot of office work for me to get back to everybody. I didn't want them to think that I'm like, fishing for clients, you know?

Right, exactly.

That's pretty crazy. I've never heard of that happening at all. They give me things that— Spirit is intelligent. They don't make mistakes. And this is a funny one. I In my readings, I do a question and answer period so people can— because they have things in the back of their head they want to know, especially if people don't know exactly how the person died. I can say there was two other people there and this is what they look like, and they would know who it is. I said— which one am I talking? Oh, I said, think of a question from your— you know, you want your dad to answer. And don't tell me what it is. And I'm just going to— and I say, well, they do like to give a little— Spirit likes to put everything in a little prop so they can act it out. So I said to the client, which was, you know, daughter, I said, you're in the front rowing, okay? Which is normal in one of the boat things that they give me. And your dad is in the back rowing also because Spirit always wants you to know they're behind you and keeping you in line. And I said, and in the middle, there's another guy, there's another man. And your dad is getting up, grabbing him by the shoulders, and he threw him overboard. Wow. And he said, let's go. I'm not picking him up. And I'm just repeating what I'm seeing. And I said to her, what the hell was your question? Because he doesn't like him. Yeah. She said, "How do you like my new boyfriend?" I said, "Well, you did find out that." Okay? So they give me really funny ways to show me. And spirit keeps their essence. If your loved one was funny and had a sense of humor on this incarnation, he's gonna be like that on the other side. And they're different in different incarnations, but they show themselves so you'll know it's them. I mean, that's— may not— that is them. But like somebody who's been really nasty or mad, or if you have an abusive alcoholic husband, we did pick them because the lesson was gonna be so good. Oh, we'll ascend a little faster. I said, they're just showing me how they were and how angry they were and what went down in this lifetime. But they're just acting. You and me are in a play, and we are just playing a part. We choose the part, and it's to help others. Get, you know, go through their lessons they need to learn. And we don't know why we pick this stuff until we're on the other side. Yeah. And I always say it's like there's a whiteboard when you transition and it's gonna say child passed away at 6. And you're gonna learn, you're gonna see how that helped you, um, how that helped your soul evolve. And when we're in the moment, we can't, we don't, we can't figure it out. And what kind of God can, can let a child die? And, um, so when, when people understand that, uh, we're just, it's all for lessons, good and the bad, and we picked everything, this is not random. Um, I feel like it, it lessens You know, it lessens their— of why and how.

It's a matter of trust as well. Yeah, absolutely it is. And I know that you're certified with Helping Parents Heal and with Mark Ireland. And being certified with Helping Parents Heal, I imagine you've read with a lot of parents. So that's going to be a question that people want to know, right? Why? Why my child?

Well, as I say, no, but you're not going to know what lesson this is giving you. Right. You cannot. You're in grief. You lost the most important thing in your life. You're not going to understand it or want to know about it. Now, there was one reading that made me realize I need to be involved with helping parents heal. It's before, you know, I— It was maybe 3 years ago or so. And it was during a session. And I— it was— she wanted to— I said, you want to ask a question to your son? And I don't want to know what it is, but I'm going to show you what they show me. I said, I see your son riding on the back of a giant butterfly in heaven, having the best time. Just— it's glorious. And she starts crying. And she said, "You're not gonna believe that." I said, "Did it have anything to do with the question?" She said, "Oh, yeah." She said, "When my son passed, I— he has a younger sister, and I wanted to tell her about it in a way that she would understand. So I bought a book about talking to children about death." And she said, and in the book was a page about some of the things a child might do in heaven. And I don't know if you can see this, but it is exactly what I told her. Oh, wow. Yeah. A little boy riding on the back of a butterfly in heaven. And what that did for her that day, because it was pretty fresh, is realize he's with me. I could have asked a million questions. I said, he put that question into your head. And you know he was with you when you read it to his sister. And it's one of those, oh my God moments, you know, OMG. And you can't make this stuff up. That is proof that consciousness keeps on going. And that's wonderful to them. They want that because the hardest thing for the survivors are feeling that they're gone. That a blank, you know, a blank screen just went and they will never, ever be able to communicate with them again or let them know But to know that they're around you, like, all the time and loving you and helping you and putting things in your head, it changes everything. And I always say, they're not gone. They just went a little ahead of you. You guys are— the party is still gonna happen. Yeah. So just be patient and understand there's a reason for everything. And I can't change what happened, but I try to change how they look at it. And if they can pivot from that horrible grief to remembering how much, you know, how much that goofy smile your son used to give you when he just was so proud of himself, all the love. There's only one thing stronger than grief, and that is love. And if you can somehow— and laughter. I'm a big proponent, and that's why my guides, they get me the clients that need it the most, okay? Because 15 minutes of laughter equals 2 hours of restorative sleep. Laughter. There's been studies at Oxford and Berkeley and the Cleveland Clinic that laughter releases endorphins, which is nature's painkiller. And then more come out, you know, serotonin and dopamine, which are mood elevators. So as much as you think, I don't even want to laugh, or I would feel terrible if I enjoyed something. My son just passed. Yeah. And that it's prolific with people not feeling they people should or people would listen. At the sites of the police, the cops are out on the street having coffee and making jokes. And that is self-preservation. If they would— Okay. And it's not that they're being disrespectful. It's how they can survive doing this. Yeah. Is laughing. Yeah. And, and because they know how it can bring them up. So I talk to parents and say, your kid only wants one thing: for you to have joy and laughter and have the best possible life. You know how our parents used to say, I'd cut my arm off for my kid? Okay. Did your parents ever say that?

Well, not my parents, but I know other parents did.

Other parents that do. So I tell them, okay, Your parents do not want your appendages, okay? They want you to laugh and love again. Right. And remember them and keep them part of the family. And at the end of each reading, I do an exercise with them that can keep them in contact with their loved one if they want, every week. So I believe— I don't think everyone should have to go to a medium. To do this. And when somebody books, I give them a resources page of how to connect without me. And so that they can get involved. I think that 90-something percent of all the people who take mediumship classes are because they lost somebody they want to connect with. It's like, Oh, that looks like fun. You know, I'm almost finishing my painting class. I think I'll go talk to dead people. Yeah. It's— there's usually a heartfelt reason behind it. Right. Yeah. And if you know, that's our job. That's one thing I tell them. Our job, you're— it is our job when somebody passes to learn to laugh again. That's it. That's what they want from us. So honor them.

Honor them. Yeah. Well, I could tell you, as some— someone who's lost— has a child that's transitioned, um, as a parent, you feel like, uh, it is just— there's sometimes there's a lot of guilt associated with, with, with living again, with, with— yes, with just, just going on, you know, because our children are not supposed to pass before we do. So it's really important to get to make that connection and understand that they're still with us and they still kind of live vicariously through us, right? When they see us enjoying ourselves, they're enjoying themselves.

They love it. They only have supposedly 3 emotions on the other side. What they don't have is jealousy. What they don't have is judgment. And they don't care about our physical, okay? They're not in the shower with you. They just care about our emotions. So they have love, they have gratitude, and they have joy, the highest vibration. That's what they need is for the parents or the wife and the kids to raise their vibration. Because a low vibration like grief, it's like them— it's like spirit trying to sludge through wet cement. It keeps them away. And as you have to go through all the stages of grief, but there are times when you might feel, let me just raise my vibration. Let me just open up. Because people say, I'm not getting any signs. I'm not getting any signs. And Spirit is showing me all of this stuff, like, stop stepping over coins that I'm leaving for you. Yeah. And she'll go, I did that last night. At a casino. I said, "Pick them up. It has your grandfather's date of year of birth on it." And she, you know, and you just aren't open and aware. But they're always trying to send us things. And one woman, which is just, it just shows how people are not aware and not believing, that they're signs. I said, "Your son said butterflies are for you. Butterflies are your sign." I said, "Have you seen butterflies?" She goes, "Not really." She goes, "Well, the other day my husband said, 'You know, there's some butterflies flying, you know, behind you.'" And she said, "Must be butterfly migration season." I said, "How could you screw up that beautiful sign?" You know, just by thinking— No! It's not butterfly migration season. Things like that. And they'll— I always say, listen, if you hear your loved ones a song they loved, as soon as it's over, if you're out of the car, go look up the lyrics. There's a message for you in there. You'll read the lyrics. You'll know exactly. That's exactly what he used to say. So many things like that. If a book falls on the floor, Don't just stuff it back in there. Just say, show me where to look, and close your eyes and open the book. And in those two pages that you scan is going to be something that you recognize is for you, like something you just saw. You know what I mean? It's—

they're all around. Yeah, that's awesome. So Barbara, I want to ask you, you mentioned trance. You do trance mediumship. What is trance for people that don't know?

Okay, I'll describe a regular mediumship reading. And I go into, before they come, I do my meditation and just open up and get in the zone. And I am as awake and active as As I am right now, because I'm just repeating or showing, I'm almost like a reporter. You know, they're gonna show me things 'cause I see, hear, and feel spirit and can say their words and movement. So I also tell them in my little intro, I said, listen, if I bust into the twerk, don't call 911. It is not a medical emergency. So they make me move sometimes. Anyway, and I'm here, I'm present. Now, in trance, I go into like a theta kind of thing where I am in an altered state. Okay. And I hardly remember anything, if anything. And as they tell me some things, it can, you know, make me remember something. But, and I just wait till they, you know, their loved one starts, starts, and I just, I just say whatever, and I don't know what I'm saying. You know, I, they'll, they'll throw some things in there that, that I hear laughter because my eyes are closed. And sometimes that'll like wake me out of it. But, um, and they'll just, they'll talk and they'll give them their wisdom or things they need to know or things they used to say, you know. And then I'll get out of it and they'll be crying. You know, these people who were laughing the whole thing are now crying or saying, that was so— I could take all of that, you know. And she even came out and said, and I'm still doing origami in bed. And, you know, like, and she goes, you don't understand. She, the day she died, she was in bed doing origami for us. So things that I couldn't know. But a lot of things they give you are general. You know what I mean? They don't, mostly don't tell you, "Okay, look, you gotta do this, this, and this. Don't write her back." They don't do that. They're, it's like everything people need to know is in their soul. They just have to, access it. Yeah. And I always tell people that if you have a question, first of all, you have to ask spirit to help. I said, they just can't come feng shui your living room because you're not quite happy. But if you say, please, you know, give me guidance, and you might wake up and say, you know what? I just had a dream the credenza belongs on the west wall. That was that. But you have to ask. I need help. I need help. Yesterday, I gave a reading, and I said, well, your brother is dressed like Superman, and he's got his arm up like, you know, here I am to save the day. And I'm hearing that song. And she goes, oh my God, oh my God. She goes, I was praying yesterday. I need a hero. I need a hero to help me. And her brother comes in as Superman. Oh wow. Yeah. So those kind of things, I mean, we can't know that. Mediums can't know those things.

Yeah. I do want to ask you, speaking of things that mediums can't know, there's, there's still a lot of skepticism about mediums, mediumship. I was just talking with a medium friend of mine, actually we're having a text conversation as we were doing this, and, you know, being attacked by people saying they're all frauds or all fakes, you know, etc. Another criticism of mediumship is that anybody can hang out a shingle. Anybody can call themselves a medium. There's no— there's no bodies of standard. Tell people about the process you went through with both Mark Ireland and with Helping Parents Heal to be a certified medium with both groups.

Well, first of all, there are a lot of, you know, there's a— there's a medium or a crystal, whatever, on every, every corner now. There's a lot of them, and most of them are really good, but there are some phonies. But you have to do your homework, like in everything, you know. If you on Angie's List and are looking for a plumber, don't pick one that has one star and they say, 'We're in court right now.' Okay, you got to use your, your brain a little. You can find out about anybody. So definitely look at testimonials. And so with Helping Parents Heal, you have to— you go through a test and it's like Mark Ireland's test. They, they get you 5 different sitters and you do it on 5 different days. And, you know, you don't know who they are. There's no name, there's nothing. You can't look them up. And you have to give them a reading and they score it on how many pieces of information you give. The good pieces of information called Little gold nuggets in a reading, those get more, you know, if you say you're, you know, your mother, you know, plays with Tiddlywinks, that's a good one too. So all these things you score and you have to get above a certain point to pass. Now, I am only human and I get test anxiety, always have. Yeah. And I didn't pass the first one. He goes, "You were just on the cusp." And I just— So I did it again in about, you know, like 6 months, and I passed. I just said, "I'm not letting this anxiety screw this up for me, okay?" Because I wanted it so much. I really felt I needed to be there. So sometimes, you know, you can't give up. Anything that you really want. And that's just a lesson that I had. Okay. Spirit did that to me. I could have gotten one more gold nugget and passed the first time. They didn't give it to me.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I thank you for sharing that because I wanted to have people understand the process because it said that is a criticism of mediumship. I don't know why, because, you know, anybody can say they're a plumber or a carpenter or, you know, a number of other fields. And you're right, I would never go to a medium that I just pulled out of— I'm gonna date myself here— the Yellow Pages.

But, you know, if I just went— but they have lots of—

they have— but if I— I would never just go Google medium on Yelp or something, you know. So the thing is, the process— and I've been a sitter for, for both of those test groups, and I want to tell people it is a rigorous process because, uh, I, I don't even know who the medium is a lot of times. The media— I don't actually know. I don't know who the medium is beforehand. So I don't know who I'm going to be getting the reading with. The medium doesn't have the name of, of the sitter. You come together, you're giving a time, you're given a time and like a Zoom meeting number.

Yeah. And that puts a lot of pressure on you. You've got like 15 minutes to perform, you know, bum bum bum.

Yeah. Yeah. And so it's, it's a very— and I, and I feel, you know, mediumship is a, it's a, it's a right brain kind of thing. It's getting out of the way. And I can only imagine when you're going through this knowing And again, we don't give a lot of feedback to the medium too, because another criticism has been that, oh, well, people are giving the medium feedback. That's not true in this process. So there are good mediums there. They're actually good mediums. They can't pass it because of that test anxiety. They're, they're, they're really good. But when they get in that environment, they can't. So my point to people that are, that are listening is, When you hear people say it's cold reading, it's hot reading, this is neither of those. They have no idea who you are. The cameras are turned off so they can't see your face. They're instructed not to give any information. It's just basically yes, no, I don't understand.

Right. And it's, you know, it's terrifying for somebody who gets nervous under, you know, the clock is running. You've got the numbers up there. You got one more second just went by. It's really tough. And then the last one, I believe, is just like on the phone or something. I mean, we don't see each other. Yeah, until the end.

Um, yeah, so I, I, again, I'm glad I'm going to explain that to people because, um, I, I've dealt with a lot of mediums and so I'm friends with a lot of mediums and I hear these criticisms all the time. And frankly, most of them, a lot of them come from ignorance. Um, there are, there are fakes, and there's some people, frankly, that this— they think they're good but they're not. So this is, this is a test that you've gone through that says, yes, I've shown that I can make this connection. Now, as you said, doesn't mean you're going to make the connection every time with every sitter, um, because that's not the way mediumship works either.

But, um, so getting a medium that's certified with a good organization like, um, you know Certified Mediums by Mark Ireland, or if you have lost a child through— or anybody can go on Helping Parents Heal. Yeah, exactly. And just look and pick one of the mediums there that have all been tested. And there's a place that I— one of the places I trained at, Very Soul, they certify them. They got great mediums too. Yeah. So it's out there where you can find somebody that has been tested. And isn't gonna, you know, if you sit down across from the crystal ball, is not gonna say, you know what, you've got some attachments. For $500, I'll get rid of them 'cause they're coming after you. So, and I've had people tell me they had that kind of experience, so.

Yeah. So I did wanna ask you about, you know, and most of the mediums I know will say this also, as someone's a layperson, it's kind of like, yeah, right. But they'll say, well, you can make the connection yourself. You don't need me. Explain what you mean by that. And how would someone begin to go about doing that?

Okay. Everybody on this earth has a soul, hopefully, and it can do this. That's all you need in the toolbox. You don't need this. You know, there's— you're not pulling things out. It's You just have to have a soul and you have to want to do it really badly. You have to take a class unless you, you know, you had, you saw kids, imaginary kids in your house. But you need to, it's a skill that you have to hone, okay? And almost everybody who takes like one of these classes ends up being able to connect in some way. Now, I have talked to many mediums who say it's the hardest to connect to your own family. So a lot of mediums use another medium like I do because, you know, I can hear some things from my dad or my grandmother, whatever. And they'll read you and you read them. And then, you know, your head's not getting in the way. It's hard to read friends. And people who come and sit across from you and are skeptical make the most difficult readings. And you know what I mean? It doesn't make a difference to me, but you're screwing up your own reading by just sitting there. And some of the best information I ever got came after that reading was over when Spirit came to me and gave me a whole 2 pages of information because they didn't want to work with them either. And I gave the inform— you know, I Sent the information and they said they took everything. So, and you could, and what they know, spirit knows what needs to be said and what needs to be done to get their way. Mm-hmm. So, um, I just, I just let them, they're running the show. Yeah. People wanna say, well, I need to know this, this, and this. Well, that's nice, but I'm here to tell you what they think you should know cuz they're a lot smarter than you. Now, I would never say that in a session. But between you and me, they know what you need. Because some people come and say, what color were my pajamas last night? I said, I don't really know. You know, they know you want to know that as a test. And if they want to tell me, they will. Yeah. And sometimes spirit will, because like names, names are a little hard for me. Some people could just whip off names. So So in a reading, I said something. I said, I said, your brother just said, you know, you're my bumblebee or something, you know. And I said, does that mean anything to you? She said his last name was Bumblebee. Oh, wow. The name has been changed to protect the innocent. But it was that crazy. And it just— they did it to help me.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, this is another opportunity to educate some people on mediumship. It's not like, you know, the medium sits there and your loved one sits down next to them and whispers in their ear and they're translating things to you verbatim. Most mediums work through symbols, you know, feeling.

So many symbols and feelings. It's— yeah, so, you know, it's, it's—

so the medium is trying to interpret, and sometimes you have to help. And I, I want to give an example because I had a reading with the medium. It was, it was a, it was a test reading, and this medium said to me, have you traveled to Asia recently? And I said no, because I don't like to travel and I've never been to Asia. Well, I'm getting Thailand, and I'm like, nope, doesn't mean anything to me. And so, you know, she could have moved on there, I could have moved on there, and that would have been a total miss. Made no sense to either one of us. And she finally said, well, let me tell you what I'm seeing. I'm seeing Buddha statues. And I was like, well, yes, it's my daughter passed. I bought several Buddha statues around the house. In fact, I'm sitting looking at one right now. So that was a case where they were getting a symbol and they were trying to interpret the symbol to mean something else, and it was literally just— it was Buddha statues.

Exactly. And sometimes I'll say something and they And they don't— they'll say, I don't understand that now. Well, sometimes they'll understand it when they get home and ask their mother, did Uncle Joe only have 3 toes? Yeah, didn't you see him in Hawaii? You know, wearing sandals? So sometimes they do that. And it could even be later, an hour and a half— a year and a half later, somebody called to apologize. I said, what do you mean? She said, you said that I have a secret sister. And I said, you're crazy. You're a charlatan. And he said, my father just showed me a picture of my secret sister. So it can happen later. Um, you just gotta trust.

Yeah, yeah. So you've talked about like we choose our life, right? Uh, we choose a lot of things in our lives anyway. And I know there's, you know, different thoughts about that. Do we choose everything? Is there free will, you know, etc.? But, um, I remember the— actually, the first medium reading I had, the medium said to me, um, your daughter is saying this had to happen, or this was planned, or something to that effect. How do people respond? How do people react to you when you say things to them like, this is, this is your choice, or this is for your higher good?

I— when, when they, when they come out and say, how can there be a God? Yeah. And I'll say there's so many things we don't know while we're here. They wipe our memory when we— you pick your parents, uh, and it's not just you who's making this. Your guides are involved, the angels are involved, the, the masters. Everybody gets together to decide what lessons you need to learn in this lifetime so that you can move up to the next one, you know, the next level. I said, you know, we ascend on the other side, too. You don't want to be stuck at the bottom, you know? And if we don't learn the lesson that we're supposed to learn in this lifetime, you got to take the class again. Because as Dolores Cannon would say, it's not a test if you know what the question is. So we're just here blind and seeing how we evolve. And people, it sinks in. I have to say it helps them when they look at it a different way. Because one of the stages of grief is like blame. Somebody has to suffer for this. Who do I blame? So this is just, it's the way it is.

Yeah, I found that that is a very, very common. There's two common things that I think can really hold us back from, from, uh, progressing through our grief. One is, is guilt, which is basically anger turned in or blame turned in. And the other is blame towards a third party. You know, it's their fault, it's, it's, it's the fault of the person who, who passed away, it's the fault of the doctor, it's the fault of the wife.

I would say 95% of my readings after someone passes, they are no longer talking to some members of the family. I don't know if you get this, but I'm not talking to his sister anymore. You know, she blames me, or I blame the mother. She should have known. There's— it's— everybody scatters. It's just— it's so sad because that's when you really need everybody. Yes, it is.

And so that this, this, this teaching, while it might be hard for somebody at first because Then, which is really interesting, is a lot of people would blame themselves, right? Because now you're— then they're like, well, you're saying it's my fault. And it's, it's really not fault, right? But it's, oh, and I've even heard people say, especially parents, right? They'll say, oh, my daughter had to die so that I could, so I could progress, so therefore it's my fault that she died. And that's, that's not what we're saying.

Nobody's ever said that to me, that they haven't looked at it quite that way. But if there's a suicide or a drug, you know, drug problems or things that a mother or father thinks they should have seen it earlier, or why did I let you get a motorcycle? They are wracked with guilt. They're wracked with guilt. And I say, that's not what your son wants. This is how it was meant to be. Yeah. And this was his exit point. And he is so happy right now. Sometimes I'll see them riding a motorcycle around the rings of Saturn, okay? So I said, "He's having the best time, and he's with you. He's—" It's not like— I said, "Remember when the refrigerator door kept beeping because it wouldn't stay closed? Who do you think was doing that?" You know, they'll say, "That's what happened yesterday. We kept closing it, it kept popping open." Yeah, he's with you, he's around you.

Yeah, it sounds like you actually— another thing you do is you really help people see the signs that they're already getting, because I get the same thing from people. They'll say, I'm not getting any signs, and you've given several examples today where you've been like, you know, the refrigerator door or, or other things that people— the butterflies that people tend to either not see or they'll dismiss, you know. So I have a funny story.

This is one of my favorites.

Yeah.

Everyone out there heard it. Uh, I have a woman who comes to me every year when her husband passed, and she's always complaining, I haven't seen any signs for 6 months, okay? It's just gone dark. I don't know if he's still around me. He might— this she said— he might have another woman on the other side. I said, okay, he's off the She's off the deep end on that. I couldn't stand it. She goes— and she always tests me. I hate that. She said, "If he is really around me, he will be able to tell me what TV show I binged during the pandemic." Now, I turned white. Like, how am I going to pull that one out of anywhere? Okay? And her husband was with me, and he's laughing. He goes, "It's Outlander." So I told that to her. She goes, it's Outlander. Oh, wow. She said, you don't know how good you just made me feel because it reinforces that you don't have to hear them or feel them or get a sign every day. They got the other stuff too. They can be in many places. But their awareness is with you at all times. And she said, It just gives me hope that I don't have to feel this way if I haven't found a nickel with my birth year on it or something. So that's what I want to do. I want everybody to leave my reading feeling lighter. Yeah. I'm not trying to make anybody a believer. Spirit, your loved one would love it if you would. Trust and be open to it because it's a hell of a lot easier for them to contact you or that you can feel that they're there. You know, some people say, "I'm getting nothing. I'm getting nothing." And I said, "Wow, he just gave me chills." She goes, "Oh, I got that too." I said, "So you're getting chills when he's close?" She goes, "I didn't know it's him. I thought, you know, I might be coming down with, you know..." a fever. Yeah, they're missing it. They're missing it. Yeah.

Well, I want to say, Barbara, uh, having talked to you, you're exceptional, um, when it comes to, to, to your readings. And I, and I haven't sat with you, but just telling you, they're telling me some of the things that you're doing, because I've seen people go into readings and say, I'm not going to be satisfied until I get this particular thing, until I get the name of the TV show I was binging during the pandemic. And usually that kind of stuff doesn't work. Uh, usually it does. Yeah, it usually does not come through. So I don't want people to say, okay, I'm going to go to a medium and I'm going to ask them what color, you know.

Don't come with expectations. Yeah, with openness, right? Because spirit's going to give you what you need to know, and you may not understand that you need this information now. But if you have something in mind and they don't say it, you're gonna poo-poo the whole reading. Yeah. This is interesting. I had a woman and we had a lovely reading. Her husband passed, you know, maybe 6 months before. And, you know, she's wearing a turtleneck and the reading was, you know, I was just closing down. I said, oh, wait a second. He just said, I said, "Uh, what about the necklace?" And she said, "Oh my God." She said, "Wait till you see this." So she pulls the chain out and shows me she has his wedding ring on it. She said, "I asked him to mention the necklace if it was really him." And he waited like one more second and Zoom would've been off. Yeah. So, and he did it for a reason. Okay? Now, don't ask me what the reason is. But he wanted her to believe, I think, and understand that, you know, you would have loved that reading anyway. There was so many things, you know, that she understood. And there was just something about, I'm not going to give it to you to the end because I want you to trust.

Yeah. So, um, so for people that are listening, again, they're— I, I always want to speak to the skeptics, even though most of them— well, not— there's a difference between skeptic and a cynic. Or first, I want to say that because I'm a skeptic. I'm a skeptic myself. We should always question. We should always keep, you know, keep our eyes and ears open. But for people that maybe are saying, I don't know about getting a reading, you know, what if nothing comes through? What if the person I don't expect comes through, the person I don't want to come through? What do you have to say to those people?

Well, I used to— we used to be told in classes, let spirit, whoever wants to come through the most, let them come through. Now, the last stint I did at Arthur Findlay College, the tutor said, you know, this is new times. This is from, you know, 1880. Um, we have new, new clients now. We got people with nose rings, you know, and are tattooed all over their body. They're there for somebody. If somebody comes to a medium, there's somebody in the back of their mind who they like to see. So he said, ask them who it is and what the relationship is. So I ask them, who is it you really want to connect with and what's their relationship to you. And I said, I'm going in like a scud missile, okay? And I'm gonna— and if somebody else comes first, it's because one of two reasons I find. The person who they wanted to come through, that's his essence. He was a gentleman. He's gonna let the grandmother come through, okay? But he's there, and that's his choice. Or there's a message from somebody that's really important, usually for somebody who's alive. So then I have to do a psychic thing and figure out what's going on. But there's always a reason. I'd say 95, 96% of the time, the person they want, as I described the person, is the person that they wanted. Mm-hmm. But there's no guarantees in this. But I do have a guarantee. Um, if in the first 20 minutes, you are not feeling aligned or feeling like this is what you want, you just tell me and I will refund you and it won't bother me. It's, you know, it's all about energy. And sometimes you just don't have a good energy with somebody and no, it's nobody's fault. But if one of the three legs of energy isn't right, the reading's gonna suffer. That's why Skep, when it's somebody skeptical, the chair's a little wobbly. Yeah.

Well, let's talk about those 3 legs, because people don't know what you're talking about. So what are the 3 legs?

The 3 legs of the stool is, there's my energy, 1. There's Spirit's energy, 2. And they're never off. And then there's the client's, which is 3. And that keeps the stool stable. Yeah. If one of these is off, and it ain't spirit, um, if I'm having a bad day, you know, or if I just got a flat tire and I'm walking in sweaty, um, I may be off and it may be me because you, you have to be really in the moment and anything you can't let your head get in. It's, that's, yeah, that'll ruin everything. Or if the client is just I had a client who came in, and she just was like— she rolled out of bed and drank a quart of bourbon, okay? She was out of it. And I said, "I am not reading you unless you get up and do 10 jumping jacks." So, she liked me, so she did it, okay? She got up and did said 10 jumping jacks, and she sat down. She said, "Boy, did I need that." And we had a great reading. If I hadn't have jacked her up, and gotten her into a space where there's her energy and her vibration was up, would have been a disaster. Yeah.

And I think that's another really good point. That's why I'm glad I wanted to bring that out, because as a sitter, you have responsibility in a reading as well. It's not— you're just not sitting there as a passive person. You want to, uh, you want to be in a clear state of mind. You want to be in a quiet place. You want to be sitting still. Um, I used to work for a medium, and we'd have to tell people, don't be in your car, don't have a car, yeah, don't have your kids screaming in the background.

You know, they had a kid screaming in the background.

Yeah, you know, making dinner, you know, you need to be present. It's better if you beforehand you can set an intention, you can, you can pray, tell your loved ones, you know, please come in. It's— you have a responsibility as well. And so that is, that is three-legged stool, as you mentioned. And that's why it doesn't always work, because people, they think this is something that you can just turn on and order, right? It's just like, oh well, she's a great medium, so she'll be able to connect no matter what.

That's, that's not true of any screaming baby. And it's not your fault. Just, you know, if I see that's the situation, or, you know, I'll just say, you know, this doesn't look like it's the right time, right? For you right now. So let's reschedule. Because it's not gonna turn out well. Yeah. They're not gonna be happy. I'm not gonna be happy. And, you know, spirit has other things to do.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. So I, and when I, when somebody books, I send, what to, what to expect in a reading. And it's, yeah, great. It's like 2 pages and it's don't let— if you're waiting for one piece of evidence, it could ruin the whole reading for you. Okay. And, um, and I prefer when they don't tell me what it is because then I feel pressure and we know we don't like— I don't like pressure.

Maybe somebody else does, but yeah, I don't know too many people that do. Well, Barbara, we're coming to the end of our time. Um, anything I didn't ask you that you wanted, you wanted to get across today?

I always say this, and it sounds a little hokey. Just be nice to everybody. You know, on the other side, we all work, and we are all expected to give to others and help others and be of service. Do it in this lifetime too. And we're all here for the same reason. The guy who's digging ditches, you know, in 200-degree heat. He's the same as you are. This incarnation, he is doing it, and he's gonna get a lot of points. And don't judge people. Everybody is doing the same thing, trying to learn the lessons that will expand their soul and help them move up.

Yeah. And speaking of that, though, there is one more question I promised at the beginning that I didn't get to. So I do wanna take a few more minutes if we could, because people want to know what's it like on the other side. What do people do on the other side? Uh, you know, we, we, we have this phrase, rest in peace. Uh, I don't know if people picture people on the other side sleeping.

Hell no, they're, you know, skateboarding, uh, you know, through the galaxy on the Milky— they're doing whatever they want to do. There's nothing on the other side that's physical, that, that's, that's you know, hard. Everything, it's like I Dream of Jeannie. You know, you want a Ferrari, boom, you've got a Ferrari and you're driving it and it doesn't feel any different than if you were here doing it. You can have anything you want. There's no jealousy. There's no, you know, everything is about this feeling of love. And you can do things you never did here. Like the little boy, you know, riding on a butterfly in heaven. Or you can do the things you loved. You loved playing golf. There's a bunch of spirits that will just be happy to have a weekly game. Not that they have time, but a game with you. And can you imagine the amount of information in the Akashic Records or the library? You want to know what did they do on Atlantis? What happened? You can go into one of the marble rooms that are in your mind. And the whole thing will play out in front of you like a movie. And it'll just take 2 seconds. Can you— I mean, if I was there, I would be busy all the time, you know, finding out about this planet and who are the reptilians. And there's so much in the universe. You can fly. You can go everywhere. You want to go to Thailand and see where the Buddhas are? Sure. Go ahead. Boom, you're there. It's whatever you want. And the best way, if you want the spiritual side of it, is go on— there's 1,000 podcasts that talk about NDEs. And everybody will tell you what they saw. And I had a lady and she said, "What are you seeing now?" And I said, "I am seeing flowers." like giant flower, like giant sunflowers that are so big. The flower is the size of a Volkswagen. And she said, "Interesting you picked a Volkswagen. My daughter had Volkswagens all of her life. So yeah, your daughter was showing me that because you would relate to that." Right, right. So it's whatever you want it to be. And learn Everybody has a different experience. So go on the NDE podcast and listen to 10 people, and you're going to get 10 different stories. So it's what you want it to be.

Yeah, thank you, because I think that's really important. Again, especially, I know, with you working with Helping Parents Heal, a lot of people feel like my child's life was cut short. They never got to do X, they never got to do Y. And I— my daughter was 15. She was just a few weeks short of 15 and a half, which is in Ohio where you can get your temporary driving permit. And she was so looking forward to that. My first medium reading I had, which was probably 6 months after Shayna passed, the medium said, I don't know what's going on, but she's standing in front of me and she's waving a set of car keys. And she said, I don't know if they can drive in heaven or not. And I'm like— and I've since learned, yes, if you want to drive a car, you can.

Drive the car. That's very interesting. This is the last thing I'll bore you with. I had a silent question from a woman, and I said, okay, let me tell you what I'm seeing. I said, well, your son is driving a little cartoon car, okay? And he's just beeping the horn. He's having the best time. And he said, wait a second, I've got to drop somebody off on the moon. And then I've got to pick somebody up on Saturn. I said, do you have any idea what he's talking about? She said he was an Uber driver here and he lost his license when he got— when he had seizures and he was so distressed that he couldn't drive anymore. So he's showing you he's driving again. Yeah. Yeah. Pick it up. Pick it up, people.

Yeah. Awesome. Thank you, Barbara. Let people know where they can reach you. If someone's interested in booking a reading with you, are you taking appointments?

I do. I don't try to get— fill a calendar. I let— I tell spirit, the people who need it most, just fill up the days. That's just— that's it. So, um, there's a lot of availability. And it's just bannermedium.com.

Okay.

Okay. And you can you know, read about me and read testimonials and book. And there's a lot of, a lot of things that I put, little clips that I put on TikTok and Instagram and about little fun things that happen. They're very funny.

Okay, so your social media handles are on your website?

Yes, if you go on the website, you can just click on any of the three and just follow. Sounds great.

Well, it's wonderful to meet you today.

Have a good afternoon. You too. It's been a pleasure.

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