How Stereotyping Trauma Survivors as stuck in Victim Mentality Creates Societal Deficits

We are here today on June 11th. Hello YouTube family, my name is Brooke Richey. I am a 20-plus-year vocalist, indie rock artist, and multi-trauma survivor, and I'm here to help other people unlock their voices through the power of word, language, and music. So today I want to do a deep dive into this concept of victim mindset, something that I've spoken about in the last couple of videos in trying to repair what we can and improve communication around trauma. I'm pretty biased and I see trauma and abuse as a cyclical infinity loop. And so if you have unresolved trauma, there's most likely guaranteed that you are going to abuse something in your life. It's going to continue as long as the trauma is unresolved. But when you resolve that trauma, The abuse stops. And that could be as simple as you abuse your time, you abuse, um, your routines, you abuse— it could be anything. Because this is what we know about trauma, is it, when it's unresolved, it can implode or it can explode. And while implosion might look better and be better for You know, the general public, um, implosion just has as many, uh, issues and problems because instead of exploding on individuals— and, you know, I know that's a strong word, but really that is kind of what we're looking at when it comes to processing trauma. And what, what, what I am hoping to move people towards is transmuting. We want to move into this direction of transmuting experience. From traumatic experience into positive things of life. And like you've seen in my work, I produced an album how many months after my attack? Um, that's what I mean. That's just an example. That's just to give you an example. So victim mindset though, I want to talk about this because there are a few things that happen for trauma survivors. That get labeled as victim mindset when it's just purely us looking for answers, trying to find understanding, trying to communicate, and also just asking for help. And why I want to talk about this is because who's the expert on a topic? Is it the person that studied it, or is it the person that lived it? And this is why I want to really, you know, get the point across that trauma survivors, we should not be dismissed because we have expert— we have expertise in these areas of life. That we are not humans. We are not meant to survive traumatic experience. So what does that mean when we decide to collaborate with trauma survivors? Yes, there are inconsistencies because our, our nervous systems and our brains have been damaged, rewired from the experience. As in, you try and hire us for a 9 to 5, like, you better have flex work options. For us is what I'm saying. Because it's not that we can't do the work, it's that our system is designed now because of the traumatic experience so differently. Um, which anyways, I'm kind of going on a tangent, but which real quick, just to cap that out, is when you allow for the ebb and flow of a nervous system, That is not made for a 9 to 5. You welcome in more creativity into that space. You welcome in more of a free flow, relaxed energy, because the thing about trauma is when you get, when you get stuck in your trauma for so long, you detach from time. And so that means that we operate in the world differently. We don't operate. Mm-hmm. on time equals money. We don't operate on, you know, proving ourselves by means of time. I hope this is tracking. Okay, anyways, I want to get to my point. So processing and talking about what happened is often labeled as victim mentality, and this is a problem. One, victim mentality That term, that phrase is actually a pretty degrading term. And while it is very much a real thing, there's another term we could use that's more freeing to the individual, to the trauma survivor, and that's fixed mindset. Fixed mindset, and that, you know, I kind of see this as you have victim mentality, you have Addiction, and then you have fixed mindset. And fixed mindset covers both of these, of the addiction and victim mentality, because what's going on in the brain is there's a fixation. There's a fixation in the brain, whether it's unresolved trauma or it turns into an addictive lifestyle pattern, belief system, behaviors, and whatnot. There's a fixation in the brain that is constantly telling the survivor that if you keep doing this thing, it's going to fix it. And so that's why just shifting the vocabulary around this, around communication and conversations, is super helpful in the wrong— in the long run, because it's, you know, it's all a stereotype. Like, um, it comes down to stereotypes is what I'm saying. And If you stereotype trauma survivors as mentally unstable, we're always seen as mentally unstable, but we're the experts. See how that's an issue? Um, we're not mentally unstable. We survived things that humans are not made to survive by definition. Uh, and so that's why shifting the language is really, really, um, important and makes a big difference in the long run of kind of where our world is headed and how we collaborate with one another. Um, because I just— I kind of— I'm very biased. If you just look at everything from a trauma-informed perspective, you'll see straight through everything. You'll see straight through why that person is reacting to you the way they are. And because you can see that reaction and why they're re— why they're dismissing you, you automatically also can tap in and see what their needs are. That clearly they don't feel— they have something unresolved. And, you know, we just, we live in this, this world, in this space that says Either meet your own needs. That's, that's the problem. We live in a world that says you have to meet your own needs. And in the context of childhood trauma survivors, and a lot of just in general trauma survivors, those with complex PTSD, um, we weren't, we weren't given the framework. We weren't given the blueprint. On meeting our needs. So when we're processing about what happened, it gets labeled as victim mentality because there's the fixation, the focus on what's being said. But you have to remember that trauma, it changes your brain chemistry, it changes your nervous system, it weakens the amygdala and the hippocampus. Your brain actually shrinks, and and not just that, but like you can actually just from fixation over the years, you can actually get a traumatic brain injury from fixating on your trauma for too long. Which is why I say amplify your voice, speak up the second that something happens, the second because the longer that it's allowed to stay there. The more risk you run at years down the line getting a degenerative disease. So the issue is trauma makes such a big impact. And we need— trauma survivors need to be able to speak about our experience, laying out the facts. Because this is what's going on. We are trying to understand, reconcile, make sense of our situations, of our experiences, of the who's, how's, what's, and why's. We're just trying to make sense of it. And when we share it with others without blame, um, that is us, you know, verbally processing and also asking for help. That's really what's going on. And an example, if you, if you want to know an example of like, okay, well, what actually is victim and victim mindset and someone who just, you know, they're, they're refusing to kind of do the work, um, that's someone who they don't want to hear anything you have to say. So I've had people say, I've, I've gotten the feedback Is the thing about well that's a victim mindset. Don't get stuck in victim mindset. I've heard I've heard that said, and that's just the thing about complex trauma is we all don't respond the same because you can have two people that go through the exact same traumatic experience. I have this with a member in my family. We went through the exact same traumatic experience. experience, um, at different ages of our lives, but their response to it was completely different than mine. They brushed it off. For me, it became a suppressed memory. That's the difference. And so that's the thing about, about trauma, is just that, um, you're working with a unique person every single time. And that's That's, that's the thing where you can't, you can't just sum up, um, that a trauma survivor is mentally unstable. It's their brain has changed from the experience. Um, so an example though of it's, it's someone rejecting Any, anything. It's someone who deflects, defends every single time someone brings up their own opinion on where you're at. Um, and that might lead them to sever relationships and ties and, um, you know, put an armor up of like, well, I have this going on, you know, some kind of form of protection, as opposed to just like, okay, I don't have to respond to that, but I'm taking that as data. Maybe they do have a point. Um, that's the difference, is the thing. And I will say that the people that are extremely defensive, deflective, don't want to hear anything you have to say, they are struggling with narcissism. And narcissism is one of the most severe forms of trauma response. That's what I said, going back to the infinity loop. Unresolved trauma results in cyclical, continuous abuse of some way, shape, or form. So, uh, my next point is within the context of childhood trauma, because I'm a childhood trauma survivor, and I believe that I'm giving a voice to a lot of other childhood trauma survivors by speaking up. And sharing my story. So within the context of childhood trauma, in the early stages of healing, childhood trauma survivors are— I want to say we're very floating, like we're very floaty, as in we are kind of weaving in and out of seeing what life is all about. Because at this point, maybe we've recognized there's something significantly different between me and my best friend. There's something significantly, significantly different between me and my cousin. Why does their life look the way it looks, and why does mine look the way it looks? Those are the very, very early stages of recognizing. It's recogniz— is that the word? Recognizance? And to say victim mindset, victim mentality, and just give this to these people, it shifts it into— because what do you think of when you hear the word victim? Victim. You don't want to associate with it. That's the thing. So when you say fixed mindset, when you say fixed mindset, it shifts trauma into an experience as opposed to, um, a shame, a shameful thing. There is so much shame and guilt that we already have from our traumatic experience. The more guilt and shame you put on a trauma survivor, and how you respond or react to something they did or didn't do that you were expecting them to do, uh, it further puts them in isolation. And No one can heal in isolation. It's not how it works. Um, and last point is just, we're honestly just trying to ask for help. When we, you know, get seen as we're sharing, we're laying out the facts. This happened at this age, this happened at this age, this happened at this age, this is how it went down. This is who, or generally who did it, right? When we're laying out the facts like that, we are, we are getting— we're, we're setting up a filing cabinet. That's what we're doing. We're putting files away of where they belong in our brain and in our system and in our, our life experience. And to be told you're stuck in victim mentality, For doing the organizational work. Uh, we're just trying to ask for help. Like, that's the thing. We're like, more often than not, a subliminal way of asking for help is by sharing our experience. And because of the guilt and the shame We don't want to have to ask for help. We don't, because asking for help means what? It means admitting that it happened. It means that— it means accepting who did what to you and the disappointment and the grief that you then have to look at by admitting and accepting. And this again is why I say speak up the second something happens, because When you suppress that acceptance and admitting what happened to you and what someone did to you, you tolerate it in your system. And that's something in the world that we can collectively will tolerate, is when we say, okay, you experienced this trauma. It's your responsibility, you know, like, and of course it's their responsibility, you know, which to heal it, to, to do the work of their healing journey. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is we can't heal in isolation. There is no healing in isolation. Um, there's steps along your journey where you'll be alone, that's for certain. Um, but when we're asking for help, for validation from others, um, it's just that. The book, um, Platonic is— it's a great, it's a great read. It's a book on how to maintain and gain relationships, friendships, and how friendships are so important in our lives. And, um, isolation is something that's talked about where we— you— people who are alone, right? People who feel lonely, it's because they have poor relationships in their life. They have poor friendships or lack of friendships. Um, they're isolated. And the thing about all of this with trauma processing is we need you all. That's the thing. And I'm speaking, you know, from the trauma survivor conqueror that I've been. Like, we need people to look us in the eyes and say, that was so wrong. You should have never experienced that. And I'm sorry you had to go through it. It makes such a difference. The power of I see you, as I've talked about in other videos. It makes a difference. So victim mentality, victim mindset, just call it fixed mindset. That's so much more detached. You know, it's a way to detach a little bit from the traumatic experience. It's a way to just reframe trauma as something you experienced, not Something that reflects your worth, right? Um, because you hear victim and you think alone, abused, taken advantage of. Like, what, what do you associate it with? So I'm gonna wrap up this video. Thanks for tuning in today. And if there's anything you'd like me to talk about, go ahead, drop in the comments. Um, peruse over to my website, get subscribed. Hit the subscribe button here, uh, just so you get those updates for new videos. But if there's anything you'd like me to touch on, I would love to do the work and help you in that navigating of making the sense of your story, of your experiences, and ultimately help you transmute them. Because it's really in that transmuting work is where you can conquer your trauma. And if you would like more help in this area, I have Amplify Your Voice: Closing the Doors this Friday at midnight. And this is my 40-day program reset for you to get back on track with your life, to move past, uh, suppressed memories. Maybe this has happened with folks where they have found that they have— have— where they have found that they do have unresolved trauma. And this is an opportunity for you to really take that big step in taking control of your life and reclaiming your voice. And other links and resources for you below for your healing journey and to see how you can support me, Blackbird Collective, and the Strawberry Initiative. And I'll see you in my next video. Thanks so much and much love to you.