How to Find Comprehension through Disconnect: Communication is a 2-way Street

Hey folks, welcome to my channel. I'm Brooke Richey, a film composer, indie rock artist, and multi-trauma survivor for the exact same amount of years that I've been a vocalist and also played trumpet along those years. I'm here looking at the cross-intersectionality of your voice as the instrument, the tool, your foundation for regulating, communicating, and navigating in life. And I'm also trying to bridge the gap in our world between folks who have maybe grown up in abuse, in trauma, and those who have never dealt with it, and calling to account that we need to work on this as a global effort to heal our global nervous system. Like we have a global consciousness, we also have a global nervous system that we have to take care of. And yes, while I know you— we live in this world of the— what— of wanting to point fingers and create hyper-independence of it— your problems are your problems. It doesn't work like that. We are stronger in number. And so getting into today's topic, I am talking about comprehension through disconnect. When you have a disconnect with someone, communication is a two-way street, and that is where we find comprehension, right? This is where we find comprehension. It is actually in the disconnect, and because the disconnect tells us that there's 2 different lives at play, that there's 2 different stories at play, and we have to reconcile those together. So envision this with me. You are on the road and you are in the right lane, or the left lane if you're not in America, because we're like one of the only countries that does this. But you're in your lane of traffic, right? You're going your way. You, you came from your destiny, from your place. You came from one place, you're headed to a destination. There's the oncoming traffic. They came from a place, they're headed to a different destination. Communication is a 2-way street, and it's exactly like this on the roadway. What causes and prevents crashes from happening is respect for that middle line of that is your place and this is mine, right? So if you've ever been someone who's thought, what the heck was that? Why don't they just understand you're offended by what something said or did? This is really for you if you're someone who's also confused on maybe, um, this person had this on their calendar for 3 weeks, why at the very last minute, right, did something go wrong? Like, why didn't they prioritize better their time? Or you're confused on a lack of motivation, on a lack of initiative and engagement in things. Okay, this is also for you. This is— these are the two ends of the spectrum of healing trauma in our world, and we need both ends of the spectrum to come together on this. If you watch some of my past videos, I talk a bit about narcissism and trauma, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, and how these are kind of interwoven with each other. But one is CPTSD leans more towards the folks who are like I'm gonna self-implode. And narcissism leans more on the folks who are going to, like, explode their, their symptoms of abuse and trauma that are unresolved. Okay? Because instead of letting it completely wreak havoc on them, they wreak havoc on others as well. Okay? So it's like this— it's interwoven is what I'm getting at. So here are the 3 things that you can do when you find yourself I just don't get it, right? I just don't get it why this is happening or why they said this or why they did this, that sort of deal, or why they're not doing this. Okay, pause. Just pause. Take a second, a hot second, and reframe the whole thing coming back to the street. Okay, completely different place. They came from a completely different place. Completely different background, completely different ancestral stuff, completely different generational curses or blessings, right? Okay, completely different. And then the person over here, right, also completely different. And then there's all the factors of we're just not— we, we don't all have While we might understand— it's really this. There's billions of people on this planet, humans, and every single one of us has a different understanding, identity, association with, and definition of what it means to be human, of what the human condition means. Okay, so we live out what we— what our comprehension of that is. And that is where we often find disconnect, because one person's comprehensive of what they know to be human is completely, like, way out of bounds, unfathomable for someone else, right? They can't comprehend it because it's their— what? Their understanding of what it is to be human, of the human condition. And if you're someone like me, you resonate with my story, with the things I've endured and overcome, and you are on your healing journey to a better comprehension of what that means to be human, thank you so much for being here. You're doing such a great job. Keep going, keep showing up, keep being curious about what's in store for you and how you can contribute to this world. Okay, because it's it gets good is what I'm getting at. It gets really good when you say I want to make this better. I want my life to be better. And so if you've been here right with this, I just aghast. I don't understand. Pause. Look at where this person's come from. It's completely different. than where you've come from. And then there's the whole matter of factors that play into drive, motivation, uh, desire, their ability to look past negative things, their ability to be optimistic. Those all factor into this disconnect that happens between one another and how communication Is really our foundation in doing anything in life. Getting on the same page, because seriously, we are more alike than we are different. We are more alike than we are different. Anything that is causing you to pull away and say, "Nope, I'm I'm too different. Like there's no room for me." That's not good. That's not good. It's not good. Because there's— while you may have a unique situation, and I think I, I say this because I believe I have a very unique situation— vocalist and trauma survivor for the same amount of years. And my voice— this is what I'm doing on this channel, looking at the intersectionality, the cross-intersectionality of your voice as a reg— as a regulator, communicator, and navigator. Because what did it do? My voice, it either suppressed my trauma and protected it From being seen, or it exposed the things that were holding me back so that I could free myself. It's really your voice that's going to do the movement for you. You gotta move your voice. So you gotta pause. You just have to pause. Pause, reframe, take a moment to look at where this person is actually coming from when something may happen that Just seems way out of who they are, right, as a human. 2, if you've been hurt, speak up. This goes for one end of the spectrum, and then the other end of the spectrum would maybe be confusion, right? You're confused on why this person isn't doing something or doesn't take the initiative, or why it seems like they always tend to fall short when it matters most, that's not a red flag. It's actually the person probably trying to protect themselves in some way and also communicate very, very subtly. And this is the thing in our world— communication, especially with trauma, it's very subtle, um, which causes— I think it can cause some real confusion. Sometimes it causes confusion and it causes, um, distrust even, because the thing about trauma survivors, survivors of abuse, the second they say the thing, they have to face the truth of it. And that's the thing in us, all people, that we don't want to have to look at. This is a knee-jerk response we have to looking at pain, trauma, anything that's associated with guilt and shame. And this is the trick of the trade, right? Is you're looking at me, you're here looking at me, and you don't want to have to accept if you care about me. If you're like, this person is inspiring and amazing, I can't believe this stuff happened to her, right? And I've, I've dealt with this with people in my close circle of they would rather dismiss and belittle me than face the truth that I've experienced what I've experienced. Because of why? They're taking the problem onto them. They're turning it onto them. So anyways, that's kind of more into topics and discussions about narcissism, but— and I won't get into that right now. But the point is, I know that you don't want to have to look at it. I know you don't. And that's because I also didn't want to for a lot of years. And that's why, in a lot of ways, getting trafficked 2 years ago was my wake-up call of you cannot avoid this, you cannot dismiss it, which is why I spoke up right away. Because at 9 years old, I didn't. At 9 years old, I ran away. And maybe when it was addressed, I was dismissed, disvalued. I don't remember that aspect of that situation, of that scenario that I was in, but I know that if I would have been validated, I Probably wouldn't have developed complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Just saying, look at the facts, take a big step back and reframe. Um, going back to that first point, but yes, so speak up. When you speak up, you're not only regulating, you're creating clarity for yourself in your life. You're able to determine then when you speak up, when you share maybe what it was that hurt you and why it hurts you, With someone else, or you're the other person— other people who are confused and you just don't get it sort of deal of like, why is this happening? Opposite ends of the road and spectrum and everything. When you speak up, you create clarity and you provide an invitation for connection and maybe reconciliation. And that's something I think which Won't get into it today, but the attack on memory is a real big deal. The attack on memory is a real big deal. If we forget the truth of things, and truth is, and trauma is truth, where is that going to leave us? What is that going to do to our world? So it's really important. That we look at trauma and deal with it in time as it comes. You can't let things fester. If they fester, that's what generates chaos for years and years and years ahead. I've lived it, I know. So last point, clarify and ask questions, and also look at the vibe and kind of the energy around a situation, because anything That is grounded with a firm foundation has peace with it. And it might not even look like it. So this is the thing about communication, right? Trauma survivors, when they are trying what might look like oversharing to others, is actually strategy for a trauma survivor. To what? To get the thing out of their system, to get the validation they're looking for. That it was a terrible experience, that it was wrong, so that they can then do the work of, okay, that was terrible. I ended up betraying myself because I had to make the decision in that moment to survive, and then work through that work, right? But if we don't get that validation, just speaking for childhood trauma survivors, any survivor of abuse who's on their journey, If we don't get that validation from another human being looking at our story, looking us in the eyes and saying, yes, you are right in that you deserved better from the human experience. Yes, this was wrong that happened to you. Yes, it was abuse. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, I validate you in your human experience. Because if we're not validated, this is going back to my first topic point. Our understanding and definition of being human is then what? Nurtured. So whatever that abuse was, whatever that trauma was that happened to us, when we're not validated, it's further ingrained in us survivors. That that's what it means to be human, which is why I say speak up. Third, clarify and ask questions and look at the energy and vibe around a situation. On the energy and vibe in a situation, anything that comes with a firm foundation that's rooted in truth is going to feel secure. It's going to be secure. It's going to have that firm foundational feel. It's going to be a statement. It's not going to be a question, right? It's going to say— and, you know, just speaking from experience, I let the whole world know what my whole traumatic experience in life has been. Why? Because I know it's truth. That's why. And I stand on that truth because it's been my reality. And now, since I've found people that have validated me In this pivotal step, right, of finally exposing it all, I found clarity with myself in my life. And that's what you can have too if you are a survivor of abuse, of any kind of trauma, especially isolated abuse, um, is when you speak up, right? That's kind of going back to the other point, but I'm talking about the energy though. Like, because when you speak up, it's all going back to what your voice is designed for. Your voice is your regulator, communicator, navigator. When you suppress the things that were meant to take you out, that were— that victimized you, that put you into that victim mindset, when you suppress those, they stay where? Here, they stay here. It's in your container of energy now. So if you're going to get rid of it, you have to speak it out. You have to get it out of your system. That's it. So ask questions and clarify. This is especially important when communication on things, right? As trauma survivors. We will tend to self-sabotage and/or attack others, right? And either way, it's a means of creating a disconnect. It's a means of protecting your trauma. And this is something I really hope that if you're a trauma survivor and you want to heal your CPTSD and all of this stuff in your life, Because your voice is the instrument that determines your entire world. Your voice is the instrument that determines your entire world. If you suppress the things that are important to you, you suppress yourself. You don't give life to those things, although they matter to you. Likewise, when you speak about things, So I briefly mentioned oversharing and how this is a strategy for trauma survivors, which is like, why would you ever say any of that? Right? From the outside looking in. It's because it's a strategy. You can't keep it in your system. It's not allowed to stay in your system. Okay? You're not allowed. And I'm, I'm speaking for myself. I'm not allowed to keep because I am mothering myself. I'm parenting myself. I love myself. I am not allowed to keep the identification of a victim of in my system. We're not victims. You are a survivor. You are a survivor. Literally sing the song. I'm a survivor. Like. You gotta adopt that over victim, because when you keep, keep associating with victim, that's what you associate in being a human, right? There's no, there's no achievement there. There's no success there in being a victim. What I am allowed is to acknowledge that truth, and I'm allowed to say that is a terrible experience I will never go through again. If I can so help it. I will never experience that again. Not as a means of control, but as a means of, I experienced it, I don't want to experience it again. That's simple. It's that simple. And then you pivot from there and you focus on the things you do want. Okay, that's it. That's all I'm getting to. So asking questions is important, whether— and clarifying. And you can, you can do this just in reflection or directly with, with someone. This is important because what does it do? It provides that clarity, and it also extends an invitation for connection, and it shows What is being cared about, right? And that's especially what's needed for trauma survivors. Um, and then for folks who have never dealt with it is, what does this person actually care about if they're, you know, 5 minutes late to work every day? Maybe they have a severe fear of facing the day because of their trauma and their— all the associations of their triggers going on. That is a perfectly logical thing. I completely understand. I know people who have never dealt with trauma, it just doesn't make sense to them. But that's why you take a step back, reframe, you pause, you clarify, you ask questions, you look at the energy around the situation, the person, the conversation scenario. Okay, so I hope this helped you, and please drop in the comments below what you think on this. If there's any topics that you'd like me to address, any, any kind of video you want me to make, um, on this stuff, please go ahead and drop in the comments below what you would like me to discuss and, and talk about. And if you are some— and if you are someone on your healing journey, I just want to say you're doing such a great job. I am so proud of you. Please keep showing up. I'm so glad you're here. I am so, so, so glad you are still here and you are Being curious about what's on the other side of your healing, of overcoming everything you've endured and been through. I know it's hard, but it will get better. The quicker you talk about it, the quicker you'll be past it. And on that note, if you'd like to join me in Amplify Your Voice or Scapegoats United, links are below for that. Amplify Your Voice is my 40-day reset program. That's all you need in order to get onto your trajectory in life. Maybe you feel stuck, you, you feel vocally like there's so much emotions weighing you down and you're trying to get stuck and you just don't have a lot of clarity. If you're someone that knows there's a problem in your life but you don't know what it is, uh, this is also for you. I designed this program after I recovered my 15-year suppressed traumatic memory after coaching myself, and I did that without A therapist or pharmaceutical drugs. So that's for you. If you want to join Scapegoats United, that's my monthly membership for scapegoated adult children. Um, something happened, you were abused, you were misused. The point is you're not the scapegoat anymore. That's the victim side of your experience. We're going into you're the GOAT, the greatest of all time, and you're the overcomer. You are the achiever. You will succeed. Past what you've experienced, and that's when you step into your agency and acknowledge, oh yeah, they chose me because I am powerful, because I am valuable, because it was just an easy cop-out for them, whatever it was. Okay, so I hope this—I do hope this content helped you, and I will see you guys in my next video. Thanks again for being here, and I hope to see you in Amplify Your Voice or Scapegoats United soon. Thanks and peace.