Difference Makers - CoWorking with Kids

Okay, so this is our first difference makers discussion and I thought who better to do with it, do it with than one of my work husbands? So I have Chris Harris here and we're gonna take you through. Chris, you and I were talking about the aspect that we're having these phone calls and we're having these discussions and some people as business owners and companies and team members, not quite sure how they're feeling, not quite sure what to do, not quite sure what action to take. And then there's also this entire human part of it for you and I as parents. And so what we thought was that we would kind of put together these difference makers discussions that I'm not always going to lead, you're not always going to lead. We're just going to get kind of thought leaders, real humans out there and, and create space to have these discussions. And this is our first one.

Right.

So hold on, let me. I promise you this is just coffee.

You said it was vodka, but we'll go with coffee.

Yeah. Tell, put in the comments what you're currently drinking. And then one of the things that is most relevant for us. I can't say that this would necessarily be the most popular topic that I've probably heard, Chris, to be honest, but I think it's the most relevant for you and I is co working with kids. Okay, so, okay. I mean you're kind of an expert at this. I have a three year old and an eight year old for all of the listeners out there. I'm used to my 8 year old obviously being in school and my 3 year old I work at a co working space that has on site childcare. So I'm used to like short bursts of mommying with the exception of like when, you know, my hubby has military duty. But this is kind of a lot for me 24 7. So I mean, I know you're not the expert at it, but I also know like for summers for you, you do it 24 7, right?

Well, not 24 7, but yeah. I mean I've got a 7 year old and similar to you during the normal school year she's at school and I can get some stuff knocked out but then I go pick her up and it's on until Amanda can't come from work during the summer. Yeah, it's for the most part all on me and Amanda leaves for the day and then I've got to juggle clients and, and juggle her and keep everything flowing until Amanda comes home and then there's a tag out and I can get some things done. Prior to that, before preschool, it was all on me. Amanda would go to work, and then I've got toddler or an infant, depending on what stage of life she was in. And that, that was. That was stressful, man. But because I have that bag of tricks, tricks. And that experience, this fluid new reality that we're living in is familiar. It's not identical, but it's familiar. It is becoming. And I'm actually writing an article about this. It's difficult because this is brand new for Amanda and I'm used to being totally in command of the seven year old.

Yeah.

When I'm here. And now I've got someone that's co. Working with me, which is more your world.

Yeah.

Now my wife is working from home. We're both working from home. In fact, you and I started this video 15 minutes late. Because where I do these videos out here on the porch, which is gorgeous, by the way, is the same way. Same place my wife does her client sessions.

Well, let's.

Some ways it's familiar. In a lot of ways it's different.

Okay, so, environmental challenge. So first off, look, Husband of the year just brought me. You can see that I'm now recording from this messy, quarantined guest bedroom. But Husband of the year just delivered lunch. Okay. And then, Chris, you got to show. Well, you. You can't maneuver your camera as much as I can. Can you see out the window?

Maneuvered a little bit.

Can you see out the window or no?

Here's my view. I do. It's pretty. Yeah.

All right, so when you're watching this.

Mine looks kind of like that. That's my porch. Oh, and here's our newly painted. With all our. With all our spare time, our newly painted Ramanik doors to our.

I love that.

I kept swinging around. You'd see. You'd see a shepherd in a lab hanging out on top of each other in a crate. Not because it's locked. It's just how they express love for one another.

So I wish. I don't know on the comments when we post this, if people can post their environments as well. But I guess if you're gonna post a comment of your or post a picture of your environment and put difference makers discussion as the hashtag, then Chris and I will be able to see your environments. I think that's one of the most interesting things, along with these kids is being able to kind of see where everybody has made space for themselves. Like I told you, you and I were laughing because my My house office has like zero Internet and zero cell reception, so I've had to make this tiny little corner inside of our guest bedroom. And then my oldest got grounded and so all of her toys are in this guest bedroom. So grounded while on quarantine and sheltering in place.

Wow.

I, I need like some instruction on this. I wasn't even sure like what you take away because right now she's got like the trampoline and our 10 acres. But like, I mean, I was, I was at a loss. It was, it was an interesting moment where, one of those moments as a parent where you know you've got to make a choice and you know there's got to be some kind of discipline. But you're like, I could be screwing myself over with whatever comes out of my mouth next.

Pretty much. Pretty much. So when we're digging into things today, do we want to make it pertinent? How do we juggle all this? How do you want to tackle this today, Bonnie?

Well, as far as the co working with kids, I really appreciate just having another human to share with because it's one of those things, I think the frame, the phrase is alone together. As a parent, I feel like, like there are days that I feel like the worst parent ever, you know, where I feel like these guys are my priority. And you know, I, I just. Yeah, and it's not even I, it's I, the, the homeschooling, the helping them understand what's going on with the world right now and how to explain that when I can't even explain that for myself. And then, you know, you know, my kids are used to seeing my laptop. They're used to. Because they go with me when I'm traveling for work sometimes. And so they've met clients and so it's like they understand what work is, but in this particular environment, because there's probably parents out there whose kids are not really familiar with what their daily work life looks like. But being able to like explain this to kids and explain, I think for my 8 year old, Chris, she was super stoked because it was like, oh my gosh, mom all the time, you know, and that probably lasted for like three days before it was just like, oh my gosh, mom all the time. So.

Well, that might be a good place to dig in. I have the same experience here. Logan's used to my schedule and flow of working, not, not working when we're doing stuff together, when we're not. She's used to that kind of flow and structure. Very similar to School. It's kind of a schedule or rhythm, gives them a sense of comfort and predictability. So the flow in our house was dad's home. When dad's home, he works, he plays, he teaches. That's normal for her.

Yeah.

When mom is home, it's playtime. And it's on. The rock star has returned. And I've. From our seven year old's perspective, her name's Logan. It's mommy's home. Yay.

Yay.

Yay. And if for some miraculous reason, both of us are in the building at the same time, that means it's the weekend. Well, trying to de wire my child that this is not a perpetual weekend was hard.

Yeah.

And there are a couple things, things we had to dig through. One is having a conversation of this is what. Where mommy's working now. And what we found was the key to the kingdom was not so much telling her to death that leave mom alone.

Yeah.

Mom can't answer your question right now, or Bob can't go outside. And then her having an emotional breakdown because she's been hardwired for seven years. It's either a weekend or mommy's off when she's home. And now mommy has to work. And that's hard to unwire that. So what we found jarred her out of that habit was I have a designated working space. It's in the office. And when I'm back there, it basically means dad's working and get out. And unless it's emergency, I love you and I know you're desperately missing the green crayon right now. And I'm having the conference call of my life.

Yeah.

Don't come in. She's used to that interaction when my wife moved because she was. She was doing what? Everybody, I'm home. I might as well enjoy it. It's a beautiful day. I'm gonna open my laptop on the deck, or I'm gonna open it out here on the porch or I'm gonna open it on the kitchen table because I don't want to go in Chris's office. That's all doom and gloom and has no natural light. Logan just sees her as fair game.

Yeah.

Out in the open, I'm gonna kick. Mom literally transplanted her back into my office. Logan knew, okay. That's the same rules that have always applied, that when mom's in the office, she's working and if dad's out here. So she sort of got into a rhythm. And then after a while, we could transplant Amanda out here to this place. This is her designated office. And Logan started realizing, oh, yeah, all these damn rules are still around and they apply to mom. That help with the tyrant that. That with. From Logan's perspective, I would be interested to see maybe from your husband's perspective, which you can't answer, but the mommy guilt that goes on or parent guilt when they go away for work and then they come home, particularly for years, there's this built up sense of guilt. I want to be with my child. And that was the other thing we had to dig into, was when Amanda came, basically had had to switch gears and come home from work. Now that deep seated guilt is coming forward. It's like, oh, I've never had enough time with my child. And now I do. And I'm struggling to focus on work or pay attention to my child because I have all this guilt.

Yeah, yeah.

Having an open. Go ahead.

I mean, I. I don't know. That's a great question for Amanda. You know, with my husband's kind of a little bit of a Labrador retriever in the aspect that you throw the ball and he goes and gets the ball and he brings it back. And then once you stop throwing the ball, he forgets the ball even existed until he sees the ball again. So I'm not sure that he carries around that guilt. Cause we've had conversations about it, and he's just living moment to moment. Like, he's off today and he woke up this morning and this is like a totally different conversation and discussion, but he woke up this morning and he's like, well, I'm gonna run into town and go to the store. What? Like, it just. It's not really occurring.

Don't do that.

It's just a different. But I did want to go back to. I'm going to pull my earbuds out for a second because I want to grab something. But I did want to go back to the thing about you moving Amanda outside, because I'll share with you something funny that I've been doing.

Okay. Where'd she go?

So, Chris. Yeah, it's just Guinness. Guinness is just laying here. So you know that Rocky says that Mommy said, saves the world. Like, if you ask her what mommy is, you know, does for a living or what does for work. And I think it's the most adorable thing that she does. So since I'm in this guest bedroom, if Captain Marvel. Which this is kind of how my hair looks too. If Captain Marvel is standing outside of the guest bedroom, Mommy's recording. Like, Mommy's on a conference call.

Great.

Oh, it's not great because it came from the whole sock on the door in college. So like, so I'm just saying this is how we're parenting. But I mean, really the whole. The whole thing is like, we didn't intend this to be a workshop or a webinar for those of you that happen to just be joining on this recording. You know, we're two people that run businesses and also work for clients and are in the midst of this and also parents, you know, and it's not necessarily in that order. So hopefully what you get out of this discussion is that maybe a little bit of strategies. That's probably more. Chris has given you more strategies. Unless you want to go with my Captain Marvel motivation.

I think that's a great one, you.

Know, but this is the first of many difference makers discussions with a lot of individuals in our community on just one of the most healing things that we can do right now is to put into words what it is that we're going through. And right now, co. Working with my kids is a struggle. It's an opportunity, It's a blessing. It's, you know, and I approach it a little bit in the aspect that if Victoria runs in and she sits on my lap, like with a conference call, I'll tolerate it as I'm not. Tolerate is the wrong word. But, like, I'll go with it because it's just. I have that level of relationship with my clients. But if it starts to get distracting, I'll ask for a tiny break so that I can go get her situated. Because I'm doing my best in my perspective to acknowledge that this is the space that everybody's in. And so I feel like this is a space I've been operating in for a decade now, almost a decade, because Rocky will be nine this year. So I have a little bit different of a perspective of it. But I'm also really aware and appreciative that I'm not apologizing for my kids because I don't want the people on the Zoom call to think that they're more important than my children, because they're not. I'm just creating space for that gratitude and gratitude for that acceptance that I'm going to take a five minute break and go get her situated and get her something to eat. And it's not for those listening. I'm not leaving my three year old unattended. But at the same time, it's just.

Straight strategies that she's under your chair right now.

Yeah, it's just getting through this together and we may hop on and have another co working with kids conversation at a later point or with some different, different audiences. But if there's something that you wanted to hear that you didn't put it in the comments below. Chris's name is how you can find him on LinkedIn. That's what you would put in the LinkedIn search in order to find him below. My name is for Instagram and we look forward to being able to bring you some more difference makers discussions. And I think we're actually the next one that we're going to be recording is around your 30 day business pivot, which is definitely this man that is seated on my right left depending on how you're looking at this, this side.

Of the state.

That's your bailiwick. So I want to hear this story because you pivoted your favorite word, not only your business, your wife's business and so many other businesses. So thank you guys for making a difference and remember that we are totally in this together. Chris, what's your sign off?

That would be my sign off and I'll leave you with this. So a couple of nights ago I asked my daughter what's the one thing I can do to be a better daddy? And she looked at me and just said be patient with me. And I think that nugget applies to all of us is just be patient. I think to your point when you were saying I don't have to apologize to my children, be patient realizing that everyone is in the same situation. Everyone has kids that are floating in. Well, not everyone but floats with kids. And just be patient with folks. It's weird out there. It's going to get weirder probably. And that was a little sage advice from a 7 year old. I like to pass it on.

Wow, that's awesome. So we're going to sign off for this difference makers discussion. See you guys soon.