How to receive gratitude

We are totally going live. Hello, difference makers. Hello. Look, I brought a very special guest for you, Kathy Roman. And it is November, at least when we're recording this. So happy November.

Yes.

Happy November. I know we were kind of joking ahead of time because I said something about it being December, and Kathy was like, yeah, well, I don't know where October went.

No, I have no idea. It's been just crazy. Ridiculous. Schedule has just been unbelievable.

But you're here. You made time for different sectors.

I totally did. Like, as soon as you reached out to me, I'm like, it's going on my calendar. I Small windows. Here I am.

Awesome. Well, so one of the things that I thought we could do this month is talk about gratitude, because it's something that I think we all struggle with, you know, it being Thanksgiving, everybody says, like, what are you grateful for? And I think that the default human reaction is to say, I'm grateful for. And then it's something external, like it's a person or. But you and I have similar paths in the aspect that one of the things that I'm continually grateful for is my health.

Yes.

And so things that almost are taken for granted and kind of bringing more attention to those things that you can be grateful for. And remember that as we're interviewing, if you have a question for Kathy, feel free to type it into the comments and I'll make sure that I can see it. So that is open for you guys. So what are your current gratitude practices?

Okay, well, first, I want to just talk a little bit about the whole grateful, you know, November thing, because I feel like it's great. Being grateful is something I practice on a daily basis, and I always get a little tweaked this time of year because I feel like it's become a fad almost to just be like, oh, let's. Let's be grateful this month.

Yeah.

And I feel like some of the things. Not that people aren't grateful, I just feel like some of the things that we say we're grateful for is very surface level. Right. And so, you know, like you said, people say, oh, I'm grateful for my health, or I'm grateful for my family, which is great. And I want people to be grateful every day for all those things. But, like, when you go through experiences like you and I have had, it's like to be grateful for my health, it's actually even more in depth than just my overall health. Right. It's being grateful for waking up and feeling good for a change and waking up and not having to have doctor's appointments and because I remember those days and I have a good friend now who actually was re diagnosed with brain cancer, and so she's really battling it. And so I'm feeling now like all that stuff is coming back to me of remembering what those days were like and just being so grateful in the mornings when I wake up going, yeah, I don't have to worry right now about any of that stuff, you know, So I just wanted to point that out. But as far.

Thank you for that.

Yeah. As far as my practices, there's really only one really big practice that I do every day, which is in a journal. You know, every time when I wake up, I will write things that I'm grateful for within the last 24 hours. And I try to be very specific about what I'm grateful for. And it's about the experiences that I'm having more so than it is the external stuff, if that makes sense.

So you and I were both leaning, like, out of the frame. I don't care. Just look at an orange wall for a little bit.

Yeah.

Just be grateful when we do come back on came.

That's so funny. That's me.

We were just having a conversation. You just happened to be spying on this. So you were saying the journal.

Yes. So I will every morning, first thing I do when I get out of bed. Well, the very first thing I do is I thank God for waking up and for giving me the mission that he's given me. So. So those are the two things I do automatically before I even get out of bed. But I will write in a journal, you know, what are the things I'm grateful for? But it's more about the experiences that I've had in the last 24 hours. And so, like, is this just a.

Line journal or do you use a specific, like, journal template?

I do it just a line journal. I just have, like a regular spiral bound notebook. So I'll write down my things I'm grateful for, and then I write down 10 goals that I have, and I write them down as if they already happened.

Okay.

But the grateful part of it is I try to focus on those little things that may typically go unnoticed. Right. So I'm trying to. And this terrible. I'm trying to remember what I wrote in my journal. You know, like I wrote, so yesterday I woke up and I felt awesome. And it's very rare that I wake up and I just feel like I'm in a flow. Right. And I'm not like this super chaotic Stressed out space. And so I woke up at like 5 in the morning and I wasn't tired and I just felt awesome and I went for a great run. And you know, I was grateful for waking up feeling that way. And it continued the entire day. So that was like one of the things I was grateful for. Yeah, I had a great run yesterday. So I wrote I was grateful for the run, but I was grateful because I've come so far in my running, because I was able to look back at my fitness tracker and see where I was last year. And I'm running two minutes faster, you know, a mile. And so it's those things where I look back a year ago and I remember my struggles. And so now I can say, well, I'm grateful for being in this space now, if that makes sense.

It totally does.

Yes.

And you brought up the running. So I'm gonna go there because one of the things that. And I'm gonna put up your little emoji thing that I made for you because I think you're an exceptional human being.

Okay, well, thank you.

Yeah, I'm gonna even make it bigger for you guys. And. And then I'm gonna. So I'm gonna say this, and then we are gon as far as it. And I'm just gonna make you live with that being there.

Okay, that's fine.

So the last year, or actually this year in February, you did the princess run.

Yes. In Disney World.

And this was something that you set out to do last year as a goal. And then I remember because I think you text me in October of last year, I signed up like it's, it's happening and you put it on Facebook and you kind of allowed all of us to be a part of this journey. And like one of the things is being able to define gratitude or being grateful for yourself and the things that you do, because even in the journal, like if I took your journal, how many times would it be grateful for you? And like the, the. What would be the ratio between the use and the grateful for, you know, cat recommending this microphone or, you know, a certain software. And so how do you practice self gratitude without it being narcissistic or selfish or like, how do you get over, let's just say, the mindset of that?

Well, it's a good question because the way I look at gratitude for yourself now, I mean, it's completely different than the way I used to even a few years back, because I used to think, you know, being grateful for the things that you're accomplishing in life was a bit narcissistic and selfish and that type of thing. But what I've come to realize is, you know, I strive each day to become a better version of myself, you know, be better today than I was yesterday.

And.

And I've got a goal in mind of the person I want to become. And I think I'm always going to be striving to be this better person. So I don't think that's like an end goal, like this one specific way that I can be, and then I'm done. But for me, being grateful for myself is about being grateful for the lessons I've learned in life. It's being grateful for the things I've overcome. It's grateful for being the person that I am becoming through all this stuff. And to me, that's not narcissistic and it's not selfish, because I feel like, you know, God has a very specific purpose for me, and the more I can get become the person that he wants me to be, the more I'm fulfilling on that.

Yeah.

And so for me, that's what I'm grateful for, because each day that I can get closer to the person I want to become is a day I'm getting even further along in what he has in store for me. So for me, that's what I focus on, is being grateful for the person that I'm becoming. And that's very different. Right. Than being selfish and going, well, oh, look at me. Where I think innately, when you think of narcissism or even being selfish, is that you think you're better than somebody else. You know, and I never think that I'm better than anybody else. The only person I'm trying to be better than is the person I was yesterday. Right.

That should have been the quote that we put up.

Yeah.

So with that is like reflecting gratitude to yourself. One of the hardest things I know for you in particular, because I try this all the time.

Yes.

Is to receive another's gratitude.

Yes. I'm getting better about that.

All right, so we're going to do it. Yes, we're going to do it. And you're going to show difference makers Land how to respond.

Okay.

When somebody says Kathy Reagan Roman, you'll have to ask her about that.

Yes.

I am grateful for you.

Oh, that's so sweet. I know.

It's.

You know, it's. It's interesting because, you know, I'm very grateful for you as well, and I do receive that much better than I used to.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, a hundred percent.

Because I used to be like, oh, stop, stop. You know what? I didn't, you know, I don't deserve that. You know, I didn't do anything. But, you know, I realize the way I'm showing up now is the way I want people to show up for me as well. So the more I can receive their gratefulness, then they will also be more willing to receive my gratefulness. Does that make sense?

So, you know I used to surf.

Yes.

I don't know if I can technically say I'm a surfer anymore, but we'll just throw it out there. One of the things that really helped me was actually an old surfer who is now a businessman and he shall remain nameless only because I can't think of his last name right now. But I may put it in the comments later. Um, I just ordered some of his Superfood coffee creamer, actually. Um, put it in the comments, if you know what surfer I'm talking about. But anyway, so being able to talk about flow, and when you stop somebody from giving you that gratitude, you're doing two things. One is you're taking away the energy that they may have taken a lot of self confidence to come up and be able to deliver that to you. And you're also stopping that flow of whatever that is that's coming back to you. And so, like my go to is I will stop and fill nothing with the space, which is something that I learned as a therapist, and then be able to say, I received that and then whatever feels natural after that. But I want to make sure that that flow is received and it really, truly, like, I imagine it like as a light kind of that I'm receiving. And if I choose to receive it, it can only help me do more things for which that person was grateful for. So visually I see it like a wave, you know, like a wave comes in and then like a wave goes back out. But that wave that just came in goes back out to make another wave. It's not the same exact thing, but it may be a better wave. It may be. And so it's like this constant flow of energy. And so that's something that my surfer self has made it a lot easier to kind of accept and not just stop. And you had mentioned flow, so I wanted to share that, that visual, but it is, it's super uncomfortable if you're speaking or something. And then afterwards you have this line of people who are like, thank you. You know, like, you've changed my life and I've Just realized I'm just a vessel for whatever that flow and that energy is. I just happen to be the person that was handed the microphone that day. Right. Tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years from now, it could be the person in the audience. And I've typically said to the audience, you know, like, the only. There's no difference between you and me other than I'm holding this microphone, like the message that I have, hopefully you've come today to receive. And hopefully I'm able to give that message. But it's not. I don't. I don't think I'm better than anybody. I don't think, you know, I'm. I'm super special in any way, shape, or form other than the fact that I'm the only me. But it's just kind of that receipt of gratitude is equally as important as giving of gratitude.

Yes. I totally agree. And, you know, not to take us off the subject of gratitude, but I also feel like asking for help kind of flows the same way, because I know that's something I've always struggled with, was asking for help and then being able to receive help. So one thing that I've learned, you know, through all my struggles is, you know, there's people who genuinely want to help you. And by you not accepting that help, you're stopping them from feeling like they're able to make a contribution, you know, as well. And so, you know, I think it's. It's kind of that same thing. It's just you don't want to stop that. That flow of energy.

You're all grown up even year.

So it's been a journey this last year for share. Well, a good way.

I am grateful for you being here, and I know difference makers are grateful for you being here. Thank you for starfish out there. Yeah.

Being part of this.

Yeah.

Asking me to be here. So.

Yes.

Awesome.

I'm just happy to see you.

I know.

And we are grateful for you guys for making the world a better place. And I will see you guys, I guess, next week.

Bye, guys. Thank you so much.

Bye.