Laurel and Bunny Discuss Making a Difference While Putting Yourself First

Of what we're living in right now is, you know, this idea that industrialism and hard work and the more hours you work prove that you are valuable, that you're worthy, that you're important, that you're spiritual. Like, there's all this stuff connected with working really hard that is. It's an illusion. It's not. It doesn't make. These things don't equal each other. Yeah, but we're in this trance of because. Because it's been so indoctrinated in us to believe that this is the truth, that we all are just like, you gotta work hard. If you're not working hard, you're lazy. You're. You're this, you're that, you know, and that's those. That's just a story we're telling, we've been telling ourselves for a long time.

And, you know, we talked about the pandemic a little bit in this aspect of, you know, everybody kind of having this timeout. And for a lot of us, I wrote that blog called the Great Pause. For a lot of us, it's really not about getting back to a new normal. Like, I kind of cringe when I hear that is like, we were given this space for a reason. And so, like, what are you gonna do with this gift? What do you. And from both sides of it, because in the business world, I have clients that have never been busier and I have clients that, you know, unfortunately are scraping by on the skin of their teeth. I don't even know where that phrase came from. So, you know, it's what are you going to do with this gift? Which leads to the question that you and I were just talking about of what are you going to do with your gifts, with your value? What are you going to do so that you have that ultimate value? Yeah.

Yeah. And I think that. That, you know, really comes some of the most important work that people can be doing as their. This pause space. If you have time for self reflection, if this is your time for self and look at your look, your life is organizing in a certain way right now to offer you something. Okay. For some people, they're really busy, okay. They might want to have some downtime. They're not getting it. Okay? So surrender, you know, do what needs.

To be done right now.

If you're in the pause state and you do have time for self reflection, you know, I always invite people to start with, what do you really want and why do you want it? What do you really want and why.

Do you want it?

And start anywhere it doesn't matter where and when you've identified something that you want. It can be a shiny object. I don't care what it is, or it can be, I want peace on earth. Right. But start with that. And then just ask yourself, why do you want that? And answer it. Answer it. Don't say, oh, you know, some lofty thing like get into the nitty gritty of why do you really want that?

You know?

And then when you've kind of exhausted that, ask it again and ask it again and again and again and again. And I can't tell you a more enlightening exercise for yourself to do to get into, like, some real heartfelt, like, what is really important to you? What do you really care about? Okay. And it's a great values exercise. It's also a great exercise to help you look at when you do that exercise, you know, and you see what you reflected, what's come out of you. Hold it up next to the life you've been living and do, like, a little comparison, you know? And if you're not happy in this life that you've been living, well, guess why. Here it is.

Right?

And so then how do you start making some changes in this life to start making it come over in here and start to align a little bit, Right? Yeah.

And I think the why do you want it? Is such an important question.

It's so important because, you know, I might want, you know, the best diamond tiara that I could ever imagine in my mind. You know, that might be what? You know, that might be a thing, Right? And I go, why do I want that? You know, like, that's silly. Oh, that's materialistic or that's, you know, whatever. Well, okay. Why do I want. Well, I want it because I always imagined myself like a queen. And so I think that that would really, you know, make me feel like I'm a queen. You know, I'm royalty. Okay, why do you want to feel like you're royalty? Why do you want to, you know, like, ask the question?

Right.

Well, because, you know, I see myself overseeing people. You know, I see myself doing good by the people that I have, you know, I'm responsible to or whatever. Like, this can really lead you on a path of career. It can leave, Right?

So let me. Let me go. Let me back, like, bring this full circle and say, is that what you did with your hair color?

What do I want? Why? What do I want? Why? I think.

Was that the surrender?

I think, yeah. I think we come back to kind of like, I want to show up, I want to demonstrate. I want my life to be a demonstration of what I believe in.

Okay.

I want to feel like when I leave this plane, right. And I transition to whatever is next, then I'm going as consciously as I can and thinking, hey, good job. Like, you really. You really spoke and walked your talk and spoke what you believe in, you know, you did it. Good job, Laurel. Right. And so I feel like anything that's like out of alignment with that starts to, you know, bubble up. And it's true for all of us. I mean, I'm not doing anything different than anybody else. It's just I'm listening. I sit in my chair every morning and listen to what my being is telling me. Right?

Yeah.

Follow the directions.

So if you're watching this or you're listening to us, and you're like, well, what does that look like for me? So I don't know how many for you, Laurel, but how many clients have said to me, I was walking the dog or I was in the shower or I was using the restroom, and I had this aha.

Driving in the car. Get a lot of driving in the cars, right?

I had this aha. So that's. That's what Laurel's talking about, is creating intentional space for those ahas. And to really, you know, do that. Self inventory is almost where I want to go with that. And I know, you know, meditation. Meditation is really just about observation of self, of thought, of mind in a non judgmental space, but creation of space. And you can meditate and set an intention, but don't hold on to that intention so hard that. That you end up missing the space and the message that that's brought to you. You know, I kind of. I use the analogy of like when. When you're. Imagine being in a flooded zone and sitting on top of your rooftop and praying, you know, to have God rescue you. And in your head, you think it's going to be a plane or something, or God's going to come down and get you. Meanwhile, a guy comes by in a rowboat, a guy comes by in a raft, a helicopter comes by, you know, another larger vessel comes by and all says, do you need any help? And you're like, no, I'm waiting for God to rescue me. It's an analogy that's well used, but. But we use it because, you know, we have in our heads this intention or this thought or this should. And I've said a lot, don't shoot on yourself. You know, just be. Be open minded. So that those Aha's are welcome and that they can come have a plan. But be ready for the past four months for your plan to be flipped upside down on itself. And then ask yourself, like, what do you want, as Laurel said, and why now? Now that. Let's go back a couple months, Everything's shut down. You're sheltering in place at home. You and your family are safe, hopefully. What do you want now and why? And if what you want is, you know, for businesses to be open and thriving again, then maybe you're joining or funding a VCU research team. Or for those of you that aren't watching this in Virginia or have something against the Rams. I'm from Southern California. I don't have a rivalry here. But, you know, then. Then what can you do that kind of aligns with that and fulfills that purpose? And I think that, at the end of the day is how you make a difference, is when you align what you want with your why and set an intention to accomplish it.

I agree. And then just start taking the steps there.

Baby steps.

Yeah, baby steps. And like you said, you know, don't hold tight to the intention, don't hold tight to the vision. Don't hold tight to the goal. Don't hold tight to the end thing. Because when we start walking our authentic path, sometimes, you know, only the beginning or the trajectory. Right. Is the thing that sets you to where you really meant to go.

Yeah.

Okay. And so you think you're going here, but life is, like, called you here, and you're going, hey, this is good. This is really good. So let the detour happen. Because it isn't like our small vision is only a small, small piece of the great puzzle, right? And the great vision of what can possibly happen. And so all we can do is work with what we've got and then look at what's happening as we're working towards what we thought we wanted, you know?

You know what struck me as I was listening to you is I don't think I'd be with Steve, my husband, for those of you that don't have the intimate knowledge that Laurel does of my life. So My husband's like, 5, 8, 5 9. I'm 6 3. And so when you're holding onto that intention of, you know, my husband's going to be 6 5. He's gonna be, you know, like, financially independent, which. My husband's in the army, so you couldn't find. He's enlisted in the army, so you couldn't find him a stronger I guess antithesis of financially independent.

As long as our government is solvent, that is a good, that is good way to see it. Yes, yes.

But you know, enlisted individuals are not known for their paychecks. And I remember, you know, I had the opportunity, the reason that we're married is because he had this opportunity to go over to China to get to do stunt work. And they said we had to be married in order to go. And like, so in my head I'm thinking, I'm dating this guy, it's only temporary. I'm waiting for my 6 foot 5 husband to show up, you know, in his jet, financially independent, and you know, me to kind of go away and live the rest of my life. And Steve and I were talking the other night and he goes, remember when you thought you wanted to be a stay at home mom? I was just thinking about that. I was like, you know, like, here was this life that I already had planned out in my head, the intention that I had already set. And I'm sitting there saying no to this incredible human who makes me laugh and he's my best friend. And for all of you listening, we do not have a fairy tale Disney marriage in any way, shape or form. Marriage is the hardest thing that I have ever done. I make the entrepreneur joke that I would rather open a restaurant than get married again. So, you know, I love this human, but it's hard work. But I say all of that to say that I wouldn't have the two amazing, incredible girls that I have, the life that I have, the respect for our country that I have, and my dad's army too, my grandfather's army. So I had this respect and service mindedness to our country from that capacity. But serving as a wife is a whole nother level, you know, And I think I would be miserable. Can you imagine me with like a financially independent dude who was just like, you stay home and take care of the kids. Like, I would be nuts. I think I would. I mean, I can't. Steve cooks for me. And I'm not saying like, I don't cook, but like, you know, I go out to the ranch and ride for a couple hours and I text him, I'm on my way home and he's like, what do you want me to make you for dinner? I mean, I've never met a human being more dedicated to like the woman that he loves in my entire life other than my grandfather. And so I think that's what I had in my head was like in the back of my head, I think My grandfather's. I don't want to say undying love, but, like, you know, just completely unconditional. Yeah, I mean, you, my. I love my grandfather. He's passed on, but, you know, you think Guinness, my current sleepy service dog, has unconditional love for me. My grandfather had complete and total golden retriever unconditional love for my grandmother. And that's what I have. That's what I was brought. That's what life, God, the universe brought me, was what I needed, not what I wanted. And no, he's not 6 foot 5, but, you know, I couldn't have a more in line, supportive individual. And I love that he challenges. It frustrates the snot out of me. And I know you experienced this as well, but, like, we don't have aligned beliefs on a lot of conversations. Currently I'm participating in that RVA Mic share. And he, it's not that he's against it, but he's just. The statues. If you're in Richmond or if you're watching the news, these conversations about the statues coming down, we don't have aligned thoughts. I won't say beliefs, because that's not that strong, but thoughts on those statues, but we have really good conversations. And it's almost like we're challenging each other to be better humans. And in the process, we're becoming better humans in order to make a bigger difference. And I just was thinking if I had a financially, like my six foot five dude, that was just like, nope, you probably can't say that because it's gonna, like, jeopardize my, you know, career or whatever. Like, nobody puts Baby in a corner.

That'S for sure.

Oh, yeah, that's just what came up for me.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think the message, you know, the strong message is, you know, don't get too attached to your vision or your belief or your, your, Your package the way you think your package is.

Supposed to show up.

Because sometimes it shows up in a whole different form.

That's why Amazon has free returns, Laurel. That's right.

Let's not go down the Amazon path. That's. That's a whole other conversation.

So let's leave our listeners with some homework.

Okay, so what do you want? Why?

I mean, that is the best homework. So you don't, you don't even need anything in addition to that, other than I'm going to remind you of how many times Laurel said to ask it and to continue to ask it.

Remember a whole long thing here and then look at it next to your life. Right.

Yeah. And that's a daily question. I'm going to take it to, like, a super mundane example. But, you know, when I'm super hungry and I'm standing in line at, like, Trader Joe's, and they have those peanut butter dark chocolate cups sitting there? I'm like, I want these. Well, why do you want these? It's like, because I'm hungry.

It tastes really good.

Yeah. You know, but it's. It's like, that doesn't get to my bigger why of having. And it doesn't mean I can't have them occasionally. But, you know, for my health and for my bigger why and all of that, you know, that there's a reason that they didn't end up in my car. And you know what?

Spoiler alert.

I actually felt really damn proud of myself when I sat in the car and didn't have them.

Well done, so.

Yeah. Plus, I also remember the last time that I bought them and then ran into Petco and then came back out. They were melted.

In Virginia. You got to watch out for that stuff.

No, you can never get, like, a Reese's peanut butter cup or, like, the. Those cups, like, back in once they melt, like, even if you put it in the fridge, it gets flaky.

Like, no, the only thing you can do is just eat it right out of that little container.

I can't do that.

Lick it off.

The biting. It's biting.

It's messy.

It makes a difference for me to bring this full circle. It makes a difference to me whether it's like, yeah, I like them frozen. Ooh. Now I think you've just changed my life.

Well, you know what? I'm glad I could just stay on point.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Thank you for sharing time.

Yes.

And everybody else, continue to make a difference. Laurel's gonna have her little bubble at the bottom under this recording with her beautiful picture on it, and then it'll clink, clink. It'll clink back. That was click and link put together just so you know. It will click and link back to her page so you can find her journal and find more. All about the great and incredible and beautiful Laurel Holland.

Thank you so much, Bunny.

Thank you.

Take care, everybody.