Perspective and Pursuit of Happiness with Adele Spraggon

All right, so we get to have a repeat Difference makers back on with Ms. Adele. Adele, do you want to introduce yourself?

Sure. So I am a behavioral change expert. I run a. I have a neuroscience based proprietary technique called the four step rebounding technique. And I help entrepreneurs to break free of behaviors and beliefs that are in the way and stopping them.

So you can probably hear the little ones in the background that are making noises. I think they're excited that I'm on the phone with you because one of them was like a newborn. I might have even been just like, pregnant with her. Yeah, I was pregnant with her the first time that we met. And you're up in Canada, and so you were just sharing with me a little bit about how you've taken this time to really focus on how you're going to continue to make a difference and serve individuals. But one of the coolest things that I think you shared with me is how you're going to collect individuals that are making a difference and like minded individuals. And I think that that is the coolest thing that. One of the coolest things I've noticed on being virtual, the walls breaking down where I don't just have to find individuals who are like minded within 50 miles of me. You and I are having this conversation, you know, I don't know, 4,000 miles away from each other. That math may be totally off, but let's just go with it for our listeners. And that is. That's incredible to find people in other countries that are like minded. I feel like it's extending our tribe, but also, like, somehow it feels more intimate as well.

Mm. Yeah, I'm seeing that massive change, Isabel. It's no longer boundaries that are holding us together. It's now levels of consciousness. We'll call it Bunny. Have you found that, like, so people all over the world at certain strata, when it comes to how much change they want to make in the world or where they want to sit in terms of making those changes, they're coming together and we're all collaborating. You know, I've got clients in Australia and in England and it's remarkable to watch. So really exciting time.

She wants to tell you she found Elsa.

Hello.

You gotta show her. The camera's up there. Gotta show her.

Let's see.

Found Elsa. Yeah.

Is that a pez? That looks like PEZ candy. Is it? All right.

You know what's one of the coolest things? I think we may have talked about this last time. I mean, I get it that it's a distraction, but I Love how open and open minded people are now. You know, I've always had my kids with me at work. You know, I travel with them. I've always worked with clients with them. But just how, like if we were on an interview on your platform or even 10 minutes ago when I was like, you know, I decided that I was going to go make myself tea. Would you just like to come with me to go make some tea? It's so much more. I'm going to use the word authentic and I feel less pressure to try to segregate those parts of my life that ultimately make me the valuable human that I am.

Yeah, well, I find it's no longer about looking good. Right. It's no longer so much about the ego. It's now just about being yourself and bringing what it is that you bring to the world and tapping into your genius. And part of your genius, Bunny, is your kids. I mean, that's your kids, your animals. That's what makes you who you are. That's your expertise all rolled into one. Right. And you wouldn't be who you were without them. So why do we exclude them from work and pretend that they don't exist? It's kind of crazy.

Yeah. I think that also this environment. So I do remember talking about this because, like last time, because some of you may recognize Adele from the Difference Makers International teaser video that we put out. And so Adele was in her backyard with just these amazing sounds from these wind chimes and just nature surrounding her. And she's just glowing and she's happy. And I know that you created that oasis intentionally in your backyard and that you've worked from your home for a number of years, as have I. However, now that I'm not in my office, because my office is detached from our house, like I'm actually in our guest bedroom. That's where we're filming this. And I have this view of our front yard that previously I had a view of like our driveway and then our house. I had this awesome video that I'll have to share later of this squirrel that had found its way into our hanging bird feeder and. And was just gorging himself and going to town. And it's all these little things that I think last time I said, like, I don't. I mean, obviously these things existed prior to, you know, this global pandemic. These things were happening, but I don't know if I was missing them. I'm not going to say I was too busy, but I wasn't as intentional about the environment and I think there's something magical about. I know. And I'm not saying for everybody, because I know that there's a ton of people that find a lot of stress in having to work in a home environment with children, with animals, and with all of the other uncontrollable variables. And trust me, my Internet is one of those variables that I frequently struggle with. However, I am enjoying being able to have this environment around me. I do think that it adds energy. For me, personally, I think it adds energy to the work that I'm doing to be surrounded by these squirrels and, you know, a couple feet away from my girls and also be able to show them that it's possible to make a difference and then make lunch, you know, and it's not. It's like, I don't feel the need to be two separate humans.

Yes, exactly. I find the same thing. And I hear you, though. Bunny. Oh, hello. I like your stickers. A heart.

A heart. A rose. A rose. And we've got our Captain Marvel outfit. You're ready to save the world. Yes. I see other ones, too.

Yay.

There you go.

Lovely. Those are really.

You just came back to see. You just came back to see if Ms. Adele would. Would bring you out to the pool again. But, you know, we'll wait for that. I promise you. We'll go see Miss Adele's pool someday.

You're gonna come and visit us.

Okay. So we were talking about the environment around us.

Oh, yes.

The dissolution of that, for me, the boundary.

Yes, absolutely. You know, I was listening this morning, Bunny, to three astronauts who are now up in space looking down on the planet. And the interviewer was asking them. It was. Oh, I forgot which interviewer. But anyway, he was saying, you know, what does it look like from up there? Because down here, we're in this pandemic, and we're fighting over so many different things, and everybody seems to be fractured. And they said from up here, it is just this. This beautiful planet, you know, And. And the guy said something very interesting. He said, I'm hoping that with technology, every person on the planet will eventually be able to see the view that we're looking at, because it changes our perspective. Right. And I think that this pandemic is changing each of our perspectives just a little bit, just ever so slightly in that, yeah, we really are all in this together. And yes, granted, there are a lot of people who are really struggling and very stressed, and then there are others who are just going with the flow, we'll call it. Right. And going, okay, we're home. That's the reality. Kids are around, job needs to get done. How are we going to piece all of this together?

And with that perspective, with that perspective shift, I like to imagine that Venn diagram because, you know, there's a lot of stress around wanting something to be different than it currently is. And remember that anxiety and stress was. Was given to us in order to make a change or in order to accomplish something. And so for those of you listening, you know, anxiety and stress, a couple interesting things about that is that they don't exist in the present. They only exist in the future and in the past, when you think about things in the future and in the past. And Adele, I know you're beyond familiar with this. You may have told me this so many times, but the other interesting thing about stress is it's actually a gift for you to have the energy to make the change. And where people start to feel too stressed and too overwhelmed is when there's no change made or no action taken or no first steps identified. Because there's an overwhelming relief kind of now when we get in the car. And maybe this is perspective, but also being. Taking a little bit for granted. There's this relief that we have this GPS so we always know where we're going. I don't know about you, but our car's GPS is not as accurate as my phone's, you know, navigation system. And so for. For that, to apply that to humans is, you know, trust yourself and trust your position. And if you're just listening to the GPS that's coming out of the TV or the radio and all of that. And it's not to say that it's not information as it is information, but you know, you and you know your life and you know, the way that you feel the best. And if it's adding more and more stress, I imagine this diagram or this Venn diagram, where there's one circle that says what impacts me, and there's another circle that says what I can do something about, right? And then there's that little ellipse in the middle. That's the overlap, and that's where I try on a daily basis to focus my energy. Because there's a lot of things that impact me that I can't do anything about. There's a lot of things that I can do something about. But it's. You know, I wrote a blog on this. I call it Not My Duck, where, you know, it's not. It's not my primary focus. So once I've handled everything in the ellipse, then if there's something that, you know, I want to take on from either of those other ones, I'm more than welcome to do that. But, you know, that's where to focus the most. The majority of my energy, I have found in order to make the most difference and in order to live life where I'm feeling most fulfilled. And my mom is a great example of this because she'll watch the news and then call me and we'll have a 15 minute discussion about all the stress of all these things that are happening. And I'm not saying that things that are happening in other states or in other countries are important, because they are. And those are humans. And to your point, we're one big world. But if you're compromising your health and your sanity and there's really, in reality nothing that you can actually do about it, or that there are things that are inside that ellipse, such as your family and such as, you know, your own health that you do need to be focused on. That's kind of that magical space.

Yes. Yeah. Well, you know what I teach Bunny, right? Like what causes stress is patterns that we've created in the past that are now obsolete. So our brain is wired to create patterns. And those patterns we created when we were little and we continue to use them today, some of them continue to work, which means that they are aligned with what's going on around you. And when they don't work, it just means that things are misaligned. And so all of that stress is just a misalignment of the pattern. It's an invitation to deconstruct. So I like to say the subconscious speaks in emotions. The logical mind tries to interpret those emotions and oftentimes gets it totally wrong. And so, you know, whenever we feel stressed, it's an invitation to say, okay, my brain needs to be rewired. There's a pattern here that is now obsolete and needs to be removed and replaced and upgraded. And at that point, you just naturally start to live in the moment. Right. And I also like to say that we need to be empowered. It's not like, you know, many people today, they're trying to escape the news or they're trying to just turn it off. But that will leave you vulnerable. Right now, we need to know, we need to be aware. But if that, with that awareness comes overwhelmed stress or helplessness, then there's where you can change your patterns to become empowered. If that makes sense.

Yes.

And so there's this balance between dealing with reality just as it is and being powerful within that reality.

So I'll be very vulnerable with our listeners for a second. I was sitting in a parking lot on the phone with Adele, obviously a long distance phone call. And Adele said, okay, so imagine that all of these things, all of your to do list is accomplished. Everything that you think you should be doing has been accomplished. Tell me where you are and you know, what, what now? And immediately, kind of that subconscious, without even thinking about it, I was on a beach. And, you know, I'm a water baby. It's where I was raised. That's my element. That's where I'm at peace. But then the logical mind. I don't know if you remember this. Is that a lovely family member? Hi, lovely family member.

He was dropping something off on my desk.

So, you know, know being a, like the logical mind, immediately. I don't know if you remember this, but it immediately kicked in. And you said, okay. And so what are you doing on the beach? I was like, I'm trying to figure out what's next on my to do list. No. So let's, let's go back again. And everything has been accomplished. All of your beliefs, you know, all of the actions, all the behaviors, everything. You know, we've deconstructed those patterns. And you, you have this optimal life. It's like, so let's, let's go through this again. I said, okay, I'm on the beach. And it was so hard for my brain to try to not to go, go into the future. And, you know, this has been decades that I've. I've worked on finding. We'll go back to the Venn diagram. My value and my worth was so overlapped in my actions versus being. There was. There was no, like, tiny little ellipse. It was almost circle on circle. And so I could not be on the beach and relax without being somewhere else in my mind thinking about, okay, you can relax as long as you're solving these 15 other problems in your mind. You can physically be here, but you mentally have to be somewhere else. Otherwise, you know, the world's gonna fall apart. And I think we went through it a number of times because you kept telling me, everything's been solved, Bunny. And that's really when I'm working with companies on their vision. I said, this is the thing that you wake up in the morning, and if this is accomplished, I waved a magic wand and it's accomplished. You don't have to get out of bed. There's nothing to do you know, like, your purpose has been fulfilled? And it's just. It's. I think it's one of the most magical things to understand in your logical brain and in your subconscious brain is being able to get to that place where you don't feel like you have to continue to do and do and do and put that pressure on yourself and that you can spend that time in that peaceful place. For me, on the beach, just, you know, I think we finally got to the fact that, well, the sun's rising, clear or setting. You know, clearly I've been sitting on this beach for a while because now the sun's setting. And like, that. That was it. It was just like the sun setting. And I'm just watching it, you know, and I'm looking at the. For. For those of you who have not had the incredible opportunity to do this, it's most apparent on a. On the west coast of a beach. Wherever the sun is setting, I'll say over the beach horizon is there's a tiny little green flash. And at different times of the years, it's more apparent or less apparent, but there's a tiny little green flash that occurs, and it's only for a millisecond, and you have to be fully present in order to see it, because if you get distracted for that millisecond, you know, you're gonna miss the green flash. So for me, that's what's worked for me in my patterns and in my thoughts is, you know, going back to the beach and saying, are you gonna see the green flash or are you gonna miss it today? And, you know, even with my girls, it's like, you know, trying to make sure that the knowledge can be overwhelming for me as a mom, there's so much pressure to be homeschooling, to be their therapist, to be their cook, to be there, you know, clean their room, and they're super independent. And I am very, very, very blessed with my kiddos. But this moment of, like, well, let me push them off, because I'm on this call with Adele. I don't get that moment back, right? And so trying to figure out where that. What I need in my life, and that works for me. And I'm not saying that, you know, I'm killing it as a mom, I'd be shocked if I ever got mother of the Year award. They don't come with manuals. But what I return to is that green flash moment of, like, in this moment, does my daughter. If my daughter came in here crying and upset, you know, I'm not going to shove her out of the room. I would politely, you know, leave you with Adele, most likely, if you're watching this, because she's. She's got an amazing brain, and go take care of my daughter. But there's also these moments of. For my optimal life, being present with Adele and being present here with the listeners is right where I need to be for my green flash.

Yeah, I think what you're talking about, Bunny, is so profound because it's so true. If we can just be where we're at at every moment, then there's always an undercurrent of happiness. You know, the yogis have an expression, happiness is your birthright. And what they mean by that is not that every moment of our life is happy. It isn't. Right. We go through grief and we go through sorrows and anger and all of that, but still underlying, as long as we're present with what is underlying all of that, is a sense of joy, a feeling of just being. And we're so busy doing that, we forget about that place of just being. And it's there. It's in that green flash that is in every moment of our life if we just pause and accept it. Right? Yeah. Accept what is. I should say.

We could definitely end there. But I want to ask you kind of a deeper. I don't know. I can't say it's deeper because for those of you listening, I think we just went very deep. But something that I have been meditating on, I've been sitting with is probably the better way to say this is, as an American, we have the right to, you know, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And so because I've had people say, well, you know, it's an American's right to be happy. And it's. Well, if you want to go to the definition of those letters, it says the pursuit of happiness. You know, it's not the guarantee of happiness. So what is the pursuit of happiness? What does that mean?

I think to me it means the pursuit of the moment. It means the ability. And the beautiful thing about America is I love the words inside your Constitution. They are so incredibly uniting in so many ways. Right. It's the ability to have the freedom to say, okay, I am going to be here now and just be with what is. Excuse me, my phone's ringing. Right. Without it needing to be any different. And that is something that America has inside that freedom. It's that ability to say, I'm just going to be with what is. I mean, Most countries don't have that. I grew up in Venezuela. You're so busy trying to feed. Most of the people, I should say, are so busy just trying to put food in their mouth, just trying to get by day to day, just trying to deal with the oppression of governments and things like that, that they don't have that ability to be free. And I'm not saying that people in North America, including Canada, don't have problems putting food in their mouth. Please don't misunderstand me. But there is a certain level of security inside our systems that allow us for that level of pursuit of freedom. And it's the freedom to be. It's the freedom to say, I'm unique and I'm me, and I'm just gonna be here now and not worry about anything else. I don't know if I answered your question, Bunny, or just went off in the wrong track.

No, no, it's that last sentence that you said that I definitely want to highlight, because you know that there's a lot of Americans right now who don't feel free, who don't feel like the system or the Constitution represents them as a whole purpose or as a whole person. And in fact, you know, there are some areas that say that if you know a person of color, that you're three quarters of a person, you know, and individuals that in our country that are previously incarcerated no longer have the right to vote. And so can I just clarify something? Sure.

It's the Constitution. It's the words written in the Constitution that I find beautiful. I find that how it is being expressed is imperfect.

Yes. Yeah. No, And. And your. But your last sentence, I think, is where, from my experience, the most imprisonment. I don't know if that's a word, but I'm gonna use. It happens. Is where we limit our own beliefs of our capabilities and of our. Of what we can and cannot do or what we should or should not be doing. And I realized that there are systematic issues, you know, in a lot of countries, and America being one of them. But I think something that globally we can all look at is going back to that green flash moment of, you know, where can you free your mind, your spirit, your belief, your physical self in being able? I've had the honor of working with individuals who were recently released from prison and individuals who were currently incarcerated. And, you know, some of the happiest people that I know that I've met have been behind bars because it's given them the freedom and opportunity to ask themselves what they're going to do with their lives when they get out and to dedicate all of their efforts to a life of freedom. And if you're physically not behind bars, but you're listening to this, there's a possibility that you could behind bars in your mind, with your own limitations and the world. What my message is to you. And then I want to hand it to Adele for her closing message. What my message is to you is where can you free yourself and free your mind and free your purpose? So, because the world needs you right now, and the world is really going to need you to continue to set, to show up, to be there during that green flash, and to fulfill your purpose. And so that's where I'm going to leave the listeners. And then I want to hand it to you, Adele, for those closing remarks.

You know, it's so beautiful what you're saying. And I have struggled so much over the last little while, particularly watching what is going on and watching the suffering of people around the world. And one thing that I really had to do is I had to catch myself, because I realized that I was taking sides inside myself. And in that taking sides, I was contributing, even though I thought I was on the right side. Right. I thought that I was. I was really trying to be on the side of good. It struck me that, hang on a minute, any divide is contributing to division. And so what I did was I took photographs from the news. A couple of photographs that I used. One was of a rally that. And I forgot which state it was in. I apologize. And there was a man, 40, so, yelling into the police of the face of a police officer. The police officer was maybe in his 20s, and he had a mask on. And both of them were white. Both people in the room, the picture was white. And I had to ask myself, okay, what would I be feeling to feel that level of rage? And have I ever felt that level of rage? Have I ever wanted so badly to get through to somebody who I felt was a wall and not listening? And I realized, yeah, I felt that way before. And so I could have, with compassion, lean into what this man must have been feeling? And then I put myself in the. In the place of the police officer, and I said, okay, what must I be feeling standing there and what is going on inside of me? And I realized, too, that I have also felt that level of heroism, rage, anger, and everything else that I perceived was going on in each of those individuals.

And.

And it allowed me just to just step back and say, okay, no more contributing. No more division inside myself. No more saying I'm right and that other person is wrong. All I got to do is lean in and listen because I don't know, I'm sitting here with white privilege. I don't know what's going on other than what's happening inside myself. But I can listen, I can lean in, I can have compassion to say, teach me and show me and help me to understand. And that's all I can do. And so that's what I was left with.

I think that that is the perfect place for our listeners to end this. Difference Makers. If you have not watched Adele's previous Difference Makers, please go back and watch it. Please also look on the website and find Adele's photo to connect further with her on her webpage and social media. Adele, I love and appreciate you and having you here definitely makes a difference in my life and I hope and pray that it makes a difference in those lives of those that are listening on Difference Makers. So thank you for making a difference.

Thank you for doing what you do.