The reality of self care with a secret special guest

What may be a problem is. There we go. All right. So this has been the most. One of the most interesting lives to prepare for in the aspect that it took me like 15 minutes to get it ready and that I have a special guest for you. However, I cannot tell you who the special guest is, nor can I tell you the company that the special guest works for. As my computer just wants to make noise. I can tell you the special guest has canines in the background as well as I do. So we always appreciate that. And I also actually have a special guest of a Tyrannosaurus rex that belongs to my daughter in the background. So today we were going to talk about like creative self care while we're doing this whole work from home. And initially I had asked this special guest to be on here because the special guest has worked from home for a number of decades that shall remain undetermined so that we don't disclose age. So do you want to say hello, special guest?

Hello.

That was a great hello. I just almost spit coffee on my laptop. I was like, this is gonna be a nice little introduction. I'll just sip my coffee while special guest talks. We probably should have given you like a code name. If you come up with a creative code name, then you can give it to me and that's what I'll say instead of special guests. So. Well, first off, with. With self care, I. I just put up this graphic because I know that you can't see it about the. The four parts of the self in that it's the mind, body, spirit and emotion. And would you agree that most people kind of focus on the body part of it or the mind part of it from like a. I'm gonna go see a therapist for mental health or see a life coach for my mental state of being, or I'm gonna go to the gym or get a massage. But this emotional and spiritual buckets are possibly more neglected.

Absolutely. I think that we tended to especially in situation now focus on the physical. Because you see so many people, their response being that they're exercising or they're walking or to go outside. I definitely think that that is more of the focus at this point.

So when you are working from home and you. Right now is a particularly different time because you've got the kiddos home and you've got kind of all of this external one thing that we can't control. Well, I mean, we can turn off the tv, but is this kind of external stimuli of constant panic crisis, everything's gonna be okay messaging type what do. What are some creative ways that we can address specifically the spiritual and emotional buckets?

I think it's very important to try to remain focused on your direct environment. So I think we're definitely being impacted clearly by a global environment right now and constant media of a global environment or even just national environment. And I think it's very important to take the time to reflect and deal with yourself and your space and your home and your direct contact, even if that's including your community. But really to try to almost be in a bubble or to keep yourself in a place in a bubble where you can deal with your emotions instead of having like this community emotion that I think everyone is experiencing right now.

And like on a daily basis. How do you check all four boxes?

I wouldn't say I've perfected that yet, but I think the best thing you can do is try. I think that you have to just be cognizant of that. There are four different boxes that you need to check. So it's probably easier to focus on the ones that are easier or things that we do more regularly instead of having automatic response, some knee jerk response to just focusing on those two to make sure that you're checking in with yourself and to make sure you're looking at how you feel spiritually, how you feel emotionally and how that's impacting the rest of your response and what you're doing on a daily basis.

One of the things that you and I have talked about before, specifically when you're working from a virtual team environment environment or when you're working from a physical team environment, is kind of the lack of boundaries around those four that are not just in any specific company, but it's almost like a societal norm right now that when you ask or set those boundaries or say I need space for X or I'm starting my day, like there's, there's, I see kind of two spectrums is like there's either this concept that it's just completely woo woo and we're not going to acknowledge it at all and not going to make it a thing or there's like the forced let's fill the buckets of starting your Monday morning meetings with mindful meditation and it's almost like a forced filling of the buckets which again, right, it's individualized, it's for, for each and every different person. So like what is a good recommendation when you're leading a team virtually as well as when you're working right now from home to be helping and assisting teams with those four buckets as well as being conscious of your own.

I think it's important to ask what people need instead of making the assumption and doing a general overview of what you're thinking people need. I think that there is more of a constant need for communication because there's a fear that people feel disconnected. But that may not be what everyone needs at the moment. And I think that there is just. I think there has to be a certain level of honesty that there is a problem and things are not great right now. Instead of trying to pretend that things are going to be great, it's going to be an immediate fix and hoping that that's what's going to happen. That'd be great and wonderful. I won't argue if that happens. But I think there needs to be a certain level of honesty which I think then creates normalcy for me personally. I don't need to pretend everything's going to be okay. This is clearly a horrible thing that's happening right now and I'm okay with that and I'm okay with accepting that. But I think to have over communication and just it's good to be positive but not to be unrealistic.

So we have a couple people that have joined us live. Diana says hello. And for those of you who are wondering why there's a talking voice coming from nowhere, it's God. We're just having a live with God.

But.

We have a special guest from that is I can't share with you the special guest name or where the special guest is from but the special guest is here for you and for us and so super appreciative to that. But that is why there is only my smiling face with no subtitles. And the the special guest is. Is sharing their experience with working virtually and self care. So you know the. Let's go with the. I want to do two things. I want to give some really clear examples from each of the four boxes and I think you and I probably can handle that. So I'll jump in first and then that gives you a little bit of time to. To look at the four boxes. And just a reminder, the four boxes are up in the corner of the screen if you're watching this live. But it's mind, body, spirit and emotion. And you can look at emotion as kind of like that that what you're feeling. And so for me from one of the things that really honestly accomplishes all of the boxes and special guests do you know this is connecting with my horse. And it's not that I don't adore my dog because Guinness is amazing and I love him to pieces. But there is a physical component of partnering with a horse, specifically riding a horse, but even exercising a horse, that takes a hundred percent of my concentration. And so my mind is fully present. There's a spiritual connection because I feel honored because I'm a predator that's working with a prey animal. And so there's this constant communication, not just from what I'm saying, because horses don't speak English, but from my sense of what I'm feeling. And kind of that foundation of my speech spirit that I'm putting out there, like the spiritual connection is this belief in the relationship, this fact that a horse has been around on this earth in some way, shape or form for 5 million years. So I just find such peace. And, and those are the, the two places, whatever your faith is, those surfing and being with a horse are where I feel closest to God. You know, it's. It's funny to think about that not being in a church, but if I could surf into church or ride a horse into ch. Church, that would be fine with me. But that's where I kind of get those buckets fulfilled in one action. And if I have to isolate each and every one of them emotionally from my feelings, it could be working with a professional like a therapist or a psychologist. It a lot of this for my mind and my emotional state is in meditation. I think that works really well. Yoga is another one that fulfills a couple of the boxes for me. I think yoga is a great, it can be a great spiritual practice. There are days where that part of me is just not open. And so it's just a physical practice for the body. That's self care. But you know, yoga is this framework that was designed to be so much more than just the poses. So that's kind of some of the ways that I fulfill my boxes. So, special guest.

I can tell you that my boxes are fulfilled usually by gardening. So I like being close to the earth and that makes me feel very, very connected. And I think fulfills all four of those boxes in different ways. It makes me feel like I'm creating something. It also makes me feel like I'm giving back something. So that's very, very helpful to me. Unfortunately, cooking is another one of those things that fulfills those boxes. So we tend to have a lot of stuff being baked here all the time. But again, I think that's been also being able to provide and give back to being able to make something and provide it for My family and everyone who's here.

You can definitely hear the knocking as the little ones are trying to get in here, that they'll figure it out because they've got stuff to do. So let's see. I'm gonna take the four boxes down for a second and I'm going to put up this. Cause you talked about cooking and eating. You hear that? That's awesome. So it says if you need to stay at home, maintain a healthy lifestyle, including proper diet, sleep and exercise. So one of the things around self care, and this is a little bit about boundaries, is can you talk about specifically with leading a team, working virtually the fact that you're not driving into an office and you don't have a nine to five and a little bit about when to take lunch, when to take breakfast, when to take dinner, how to shut it off to go to bed. And there's this aspect that, that's one part of it is work, but the other part of it is like you've also got this external environment going on as well. And then you know, like the exercise portion of it, like when is there time for all of that?

And I think it's very. I've read an article actually, especially during this time, it's very, very important to try to have a schedule again. Not that I have perfected that, especially with becoming the homeschool expert that I have become.

Yeah. Oh yeah.

But I think you have to try to maintain a schedule. So you have to make yourself a schedule. It may not be perfect, you may not be able to abide by it, but you have to make sure you're trying to schedule the time that you need to do to get the work things you need to get done, to get the self help things you need to get done to do the exercise. To be able to put all that into your schedule. I think it's important to try to make a schedule. I make myself a list of things to do every night. One's personal, one's work related. And I give myself the space to know that I may get them all done the next day or it may be a list that gets pushed over until the day after. But I think it's just trying to make yourself a schedule and then also being able to be flexible enough with yourself to realize it may not be perfect and you may not be able to do the exact schedule the way you wanted to or get everything done, but that you at least attempted to make yourself where and what you needed to do in such a day.

Yeah, I think I've got to memorize this at some point because I use this quote so often and I just butcher it all the time. Is Eisenhower said like it's not so much the plan, but it's the act of planning that has the value. And I'm sure if he was here he would be like that's not, not what I said at all, Bunny. But you know, that's, he's, he's not here. So you know, that's. We created like a meal plan. You know, like I wrote out a meal plan. You know, my husband's army schedule is just so unpredictable. And so like we created this meal, meal plan. Plus like I'm a vegetarian and I went vegan for Lent. And then I've got my carnivorous. Carnivorous, that's, that's the better word. Carnivorous husband. And then I've got my children on this very strict diet of Mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. And so it's like I'm trying to create this meal plan where I'm cooking like four separate meals and sometimes like we're just making a frozen pizza. Pizza. There's actually a woman who does farm to table meal delivery out where we are that is helping keep local farmers in business since they don't, they can't sell at farmers markets right now because all the farmers markets are closed. And so sometimes I just, I don't want to say dial it in in a bad way but sometimes like I create the space for my emotional being as well as for my mind because I've got other world saving stuff that, that needs to be done. And so you know, figuring out that dinner is just, it's something that I can delegate which you know, I'm a huge fan of that. So the last thing that I want to talk about a little bit here is like the talking to a professional. Like I put up a graphic that says during a crisis, talk to people that you trust. And again, for those of you that are joining us live, I have a special guest who has been working virtually for decades, again will remain nameless how many decades and is leading a team and just doing amazing things. But I cannot share with you, I will not share with you who this special guest is or their company. But sometimes this is super limited. Especially like I'll use an example for. We work with some government clients and similar to you, they're very limited on what they can say and who they can talk to right now and what messaging can be had which makes self care super difficult because you it's. I Remember, like, so, you know, Steve, my husband's in the army, and he came home and he's got whatever orders. And I don't typically ask him about his day because I've worked with enough soldiers that I know sometimes that can be a little bit overwhelming. But at the same time, you know, being able to talk through it is also helpful. But there was one particular day I came back and from working with military clients and, you know, he's like, how was your day? And my day was pretty shitty. It was pretty awful. But at the same time, I couldn't tell him why it was awful. I couldn't tell him where the failures lie, how they made me feel, what my plan was to get through it. Because, because there was just like this bubble like we talked about where it was like, you can't, you can't say that you're not allowed to. And so it's almost like being told you're not allowed to feel how you feel. And, you know, in business therapy, that's one of the biggest things is being able to create space to say, hey, here's how I'm feeling, and I want to talk to somebody about that. Whether I want to talk to, you know, personally, I want to talk to a psychologist or a therapist. But some of the best things is to talk amongst your team. And so right now, if, if you're feeling that way, like, what would be your recommendations on some ways that you've found to kind of not work around that? Because I don't want to say it that way, but to, to find that self care when you're limited on who you can speak to and what you're permitted to speak about?

Well, I think before the pandemic hit us, we all had people that we trusted and we talked to and dealt with different things that were happening personally and professionally. And I think it's just important to keep those ties and keep that communication with this situation and during the situation because it's just another point in time in your relationship with them. So I think it's important to keep those relationships in that contact with the same people that you had prior to this all happening. The relationships haven't changed. The situation may have changed, but I think it's important to keep those connections.

Yeah, that's. That's awesome. Well, do you, if you have anything else, any other thoughts that you want to talk about the reality of self care right now during a pandemic and beyond while we're working from home that I'm affectionately calling WFHWTF.

I would just say for people to be as patient as they can with themselves and to be forgiving to. To themselves and just realize that this is an ever changing environment and we are human. So just to try to live within those confines.

Yeah. And especially, you know, when you with all these frustrations, this is the last little plug I'm going to have is I had a phone call with the SBA yesterday and the woman was shocked about how kind I was. It was crazy. It was like she was so incredibly grateful. Like, when she answered the phone, she was grumpy. And I could only imagine that she was anticipating that this was going to be another business owner freaking out about how, like, their funds weren't available yet. And so that's another part of self care is our expectations and our perspective can impact all four, like all four elements of ourselves. And so you brought. You bring up a really good point. And we all are humans and we're for sure all going through this. And even when we're not all going through this anymore, every human is going through something at some time. Like raise your hand if your life was normal prior to this. Normal is a setting on a washing machine. But hopefully the silver lining of this is that we can remember that we are humans and to treat each other with the dignity and respect that comes with 200 years of evolution and being able to remember, despite our differences, we are all humans. So that's what I have, and I have mad appreciation for you being here. And I'm telling the entire live community that even though I am hanging up and saying, you know, thank you for making the world a better place, I'm for sure calling our Special Guest right after this because I get Special Guests more to myself for a couple more minutes and hopefully I'll be bringing Special Guest back to specifically talk about other awesome stuff because Special Guest is amazing. So please give Special Guest a bunch of love in the comments and I will make sure that Special guest, which shall get a code name later, gets all of that.

So.

All right, guys, stay safe.

Thank you.

Stay sane. Thank you for being here.

Oh, thank you.