Dairy of a Hypnotherapist, Episode 20 | @caroline-cavanagh | The Anxiety Alchemist

Welcome to Diary of a Hypnotherapist, my way of reflecting on what's gone on in the past as a way of making the future different. And it's a practice that I recommend to many of my clients who are struggling with anxiety, because anxiety can very much keep us trapped in the past, meaning that we repeat the same things. And it's been actually quite an interesting week for me. That's caused me to bring into play 2 of the other tools that I often commonly talk to with my clients: the fear of judgment and also control. What happened was I put a post up on a social media platform with the intention of creating a debate around a pers— even I feel like I can't speak— a debate around a particular element of public speaking, something else that I also do. The debate was going on well with lots of very valid discussions and obviously different points of view until someone decided to throw in a virtual hornet's nest into what had at that point been a very relaxing countryside scene. And that comment filled— felt very like— oh gosh, I really can't speak. Felt very like a personal attack on me being very, very judged, and in my interpretation, unfairly. So the first tool I had to bring in was to reflect on my intention. I cannot control what he chose to do, but I can reflect on what was my intention. So my intention was to create a lively debate and to add value to all. My intention was true, therefore it didn't need to change. I didn't need to change my behaviour because of how that person had reacted. Which led me on then to the second point of reflection: how do I respond? And there were many options available. I could attack back, I could defend myself, I could walk away. And I often speak to people about this as a virtual tennis match. My intention was to serve the ball in a nice gentle way to create a bit of a rally. It came flying back, and I could have then smashed it back as well, but I decided to play it back very gently from a point of intention to say, please look back at the words. Please understand this is my interpretation. If you choose to take a different meaning, that is your responsibility. And that particular individual, credit to him, did then ask for forgiveness for his misinterpretation. Other people carried on the trolling, but that was on them, and my choice with those individuals was to not respond. From this, I could have decided this week to not post on social media, but that would be changing my behaviour for that fear of judgement. So again, coming back to intent, I am not going to let the anxiety of the risk of someone else's behaviour change me from doing what I want to do. Share things that help people, that add value. So I put another social media outpost today, and when last checked, it was going pretty well. And if someone chooses to behave inappropriately, I'll get my tennis racket out and continue a game in my way. And if that means leaving that particular game That's fine, I'll just go find another game to play. So intent— focus on what you can, can, your intention is, and don't allow someone else's behavior to move you from your intention. And you can only ever control your intention, not someone else's behavior. However, you can control your response to that behavior, and those 2 together Knit very, very strongly to make sure that you can stand strong in who you are, and in that strength, anxiety really doesn't have much of a role to play. So I hope my story has helped you. Thank you for listening, and let's see what happens next week in my next diary video. And until then, bye-bye for now. Bye-bye for now.