From Anxiety to World Champion

So hello to everyone and welcome to this interview. I'm sitting here with the gorgeous Melissa Hurley, who has been working with me for a little while, and she has just become a world champion, world record holder, European holder, and someone who used to have anxiety. So Melissa has very kindly agreed to come and talk to me today and share with you some of her story about how it's possible To move from having a limiting belief to actually being top of the world in something. So, Melissa, tell us a little bit about where you were when, when we first started working together, the anxieties that you had, and how it was affecting your life.

I think probably when we first met, I explained to you that I felt that anxiety was probably underpinning most of the facets of my life in some variety or another, but specifically I came to you with The issues I felt with my lifting. I felt that that was hindering my progress in my competitions. The level of nerves I would get prior to them and during the day would definitely deplete me quicker than it should have done. But just anything really, standing up in front of people, presentations, that sort of thing. Anything where I was the centre of attention would just give me such a deep level of anxiety. I found it really, really just challenging to deal with. And I knew I got to the stage where I wanted to deal with it. I was ready to face it.

Yeah. We should probably clarify, Melissa is a powerlifter. If you can imagine someone as gorgeous and small as this is lifting 145 kilos, which is about 5 of me— no, 3 of me. Yeah, that's pretty scary. So stunning. And the limiting, the uvulate belief that you had was impinging you in really fulfilling your potential, wasn't it?

Definitely, without a shadow of a doubt. Without a shadow of a doubt. In many, many different areas. I would shy away from situations that would give me those level of anxiety. So any areas that I felt that I wanted to progress down, if I had that level of anxiety, I would just choose not to do it. So it would literally be my fight or flight. Rather than go head-on and face it, I would just divert. And that definitely was, was hindering my progression in many, many different ways, not even just with lifting, you know, professionally as well, and in any other aspects really.

Okay. So Melissa came and joined an 8-week course that I do which is called Anxiety Alchemy, and this goes through a series of steps that takes you from a position of anxiety through to confidence. So share with us, Melissa, what was your experience of going through those 2 months?

Really positive. I was very compliant in the fact that you would share with me that this is this week's activities and I wouldn't ever jump ahead in the book. I just wanted to follow it through. as it was supposed to be. And it wasn't a scary process. You'd expect that something where you're facing your anxieties could potentially feel quite overwhelming, and they didn't, because it was only ever analysing thoughts and feelings around the anxiety, never stimulating the actual anxiety itself. Very eye-opening to do so, to have somebody who can be quite insightful in pointing out certain, you know, viewpoints that you have, things that you would always say just fact.

Yeah.

Is it really fact? Can we look at it another way? And literally just every single week, just, oh, okay. Yeah, very, very positive. And, you know, just to have that interaction each week and then to spend the week reviewing it and working on it and trying to integrate it into your life. And having that level of awareness means you can challenge yourself on the areas where you would have normally said, that's fact and I'm not shifting.

Okay.

Yeah, really good tools to use.

So did you have any particular lightbulb moments where things kind of went, oh, I'd never thought of it in that way, and that just created this shift?

Yeah, I think it's absolutely fair to say that every single week there was a shift. It was a very, very powerful program. There were some significant ones for me. So I think about 3rd or 4th week in, we had to take some statements around our our beliefs, the ones that, like I mentioned before, that this is fact to me, this is non-negotiable, and we had to rephrase them. Just kind of— they're very closed sentences that kind of keep you quite protected normally, and to open those up and think that actually you're not changing the thought behind it, but you're changing your viewpoint of it. It's still the same sentence, but from a less restrictive view. You know, the shift from that week was absolutely incredible because they had been very, very embedded in my psyche.

Mm-hmm.

And without really realizing it, I knew that they were my beliefs, but I hadn't appreciated that I, you know, just narrowed them down so much to protect me.

Yeah.

And yeah, massive, massive shift. It was a massive release of a week for me, and just the knock-on effect, not only on the area that we were working on, but just everything. And I think that was the week where I, you know, I was due to do a boot camp, which Again, public speaking and standing in front of people, it had always been very, very nerve-wracking to me. And just that week I just went in and did it. And somebody said to me, are you nervous? I said, no, why would I be? The week before, and for the rest of my life, I would have said, oh my gosh, yes, absolutely. And that was the week— that's how big a shift it was for me that week, that you literally just shook the rug, laid it back down. I have a new base to go from now.

Was it almost like someone else was talking?

You went, oh, who was that? Yes, thank you very much. Okay. Yeah, massively. As I said, there were shifts every single week for me. When you, you kind of jolt your core belief system in a very positive way, yeah, you can't help but shift every single week.

Yeah. And do you think it's those sort of small steps that as they accumulate you realize how far you've gone from where you were?

Yeah.

But perhaps by just focusing on the little steps you don't They're not scary, they're just little.

Yeah, and that's what I was mentioning before. I would have assumed that working on something that makes you anxious would have been a very fear-provoking experience, but actually you're not tackling the iceberg, you're tackling the steps on the way up the mountain, as it were. So it's very achievable, very— it's not nerve-wracking. It's— yeah. Interesting.

And do you think that you can now apply some of those steps that you've learned, even if it's not the whole alchemy process, to other areas of your life?

Without a shadow of a doubt, and obviously mentioning before that I found the shift just impacting other areas of my life. It's a very, very empowering process to suddenly realise that what had debilitated you with fear before suddenly doesn't, and it very much gives you, well, if I can do that, what else can I do? And it's a very, very empowering position when you live without fear, to suddenly realise that you don't have fear about Anything. And I think, you know, that's, that's quite a flippant thing to say, but actually you can temper your fear, you can, you can level it. A level of anxiety is healthy, certainly with the competition, and I know we, we looked at that previously. But yeah, absolutely anything that would normally make you anxious, it gives you the ability to think, okay, why? What do I think about this and why do I think it? Let's shift it, actually realizing that it is not necessarily that way.

Yeah, I mean, it's one of my little mantras that if you don't have anxiety in your life, you're actually not living. You know, I'm constantly pushing my own barriers, but it is that belief that actually I can, and giving the tools to say, well, let's push them a bit more. And almost, you know, the sky is the limit. It's a horrid cliché, but actually I think it literally is for you now. Yeah, 25,000 feet next time.

I get a lot of feedback from other people about things I do and things I approach now, And they say, like, are you crazy? That's weird, you know, that I'm approaching these things that would— that are giving them anxiety hearing about it. But that's theirs, that's their anxiety beliefs. And that's quite interesting to realise how many people are living with a level of anxiety without perhaps realising it.

Absolutely.

Not having their eyes open to it. And when they say to me, oh my gosh, you're really going to do that? Yes, I am, and I'm going to achieve it as well. Yeah, it's fascinating.

Wow.

Amazing.

Do you think that you are going to be— I know the answer before I even start this one. Limiting beliefs are going to come up all the time, you know, things pop up. And as I know you're a person a bit like me, you're going to keep pushing yourself now. Do you think you've got all the tools that you need to not ever need any help from someone again?

I would never say never because that's quite an arrogant position to be in. We can never say we know everything, but yes, I do feel like I have a very healthy toolkit with me. There hasn't yet been anything that I've come across which I don't feel able to deal with or just unpick, because, you know, as we went through the, the many different steps, it's about understanding why you're having that level of fear and what it, you know, just what it's doing for you. What is it, you know, it's giving you something, it's a level of comfort. So yeah, as yet I haven't found anything. I feel like I have a really good arsenal of things to approach anything with everyday life, and as I said, this has impacted me Professionally, personally, you know, in terms of my own pursuits, in just so many different facets. I'm feeling pretty fearless.

I've created a monster here. Okay, what would you say to anyone who has a limiting belief that may be watching this? Based on your experience, what advice would you give them?

Definitely face it. Yeah, knowing how debilitating it can be in so many different facets of my life, certainly, without really realizing it, facing it, it has not been a fearful experience for me. And hopefully, you know, I know I've touched upon that quite a few times now, but it's a very— it's very manageable, it's very safe in terms of its transition. You're not saying, I'm scared of spiders, throw one on me. It's a very, very safe transition to it, and it's just the most empowering thing I've ever been through. Suddenly, you know, thinking, I can't, I can't, I can't, about so many different facets of your life, suddenly realising, I really can. And then that sense of achievement when you do start doing the things that you weren't thinking were open to you, available to you, or within your capabilities. Suddenly realising, geez, I can be quite powerful. Just in terms of what you want to achieve in your own life and the areas that you want to strive and achieve and just do, really. So yeah, definitely do it. It is the most empowering thing I've been through.

So would you recommend Anxiety Alchemy as a process?

Without a doubt. As I said, there are— I've looked at my levels of anxiety before, and, you know, you read a lot of other literature saying exposure helps and, you know, many different tools and techniques. So for example, public speaking, they say just do it more frequently, imagine them naked, and all of that sort of thing. But yes, they may be valuable approaches in their own right, but they expose you to the level of anxiety very, very quickly.

Yeah.

And unless you actually understand why you have that level of anxiety, what triggers it for you, what's your mindset, what are your statement beliefs, I don't think you can ever unpick it. I think you'll always have that residual core of fear, but you'll manage it. Whereas actually understanding what underpins it where it comes from, unpicking it so you have a smooth surface to work from. And that's what this process does. It allows you to go through and say, okay, I've got this level of fear. Why?

So it's really understanding how the power of the subconscious mind works so you can use it. Yeah.

Whereas the others, I think, mask it and learn— they kind of teach you to manage the fear but feel it, feel the fear and do it anyway, which is a, you know, it's a valuable process, but this one actually I call it dysfunction. It gets rid of the dysfunctional thoughts and puts things in a much better frame of mind. So it's not about dealing with the anxiety, it's about doing so, or kind of dispersing it somewhat, you know, getting rid of the underpinning beliefs so that you can go in without the anxiety.

Yeah, it's the analogy that I've been using in the series of fits I've been doing this week. It's like the limiting belief is the weed But the fear is the root beneath, and unless you pull the root up, the weed is going to grow back. Do you think that's a fair analogy to make?

I think that's an excellent analogy to make, because yeah, absolutely. Because otherwise you still have the core feeling of fear there, and whilst you have that, you think, you know, I've got a fear of public speaking but I do it anyway. I don't think you would have the ability to transpose that to other areas of your life. You'd say, and there's other things I'm scared of. Whereas this level of approach neutralises the underpinning thoughts, makes them— just helps you understand them, have more healthy thoughts around what's triggering your level of fear, and then you have abilities to apply these rules to so many different areas. Yeah, definitely.

So, world champion, what's next?

Oh, whatever I so choose! Just taking stock at the moment and just thinking about what I want to do, but whatever I think about, Just knowing that I can face it, even if I have levels of anxiety around it. Let's just look at why, start to consider that, and literally, as you say, sky's the limit.

Fantastic. Well, thank you, Melissa. I really appreciate you sharing this time, and I hope people that are watching this have been inspired. I've certainly been incredibly inspired by this lady. There are lots of ways that we can continue to help. Firstly, I can't even say it myself now. Anxiety Alchemy is a book that's readily available on Amazon. So if you look for Anxiety Alchemy or search against my name, Caroline Cavanagh, that will come up. You can also get it through the anxietyalchemy.co.uk website. There's workshops, there's the course that Melissa actually did herself. The next one of those will be starting in November. So if you're interested in taking part in that, please message me directly or drop me an email on caroline@anxietyalchemy.co.uk. And if you're interested in at anxietyalchemy.co.uk, and I will put you on the reserve list for that. So I hope you've enjoyed it. Thank you again to Melissa, and I will be speaking again to you very soon. Bye-bye now. Bye.