Caroline Cavanagh argues that no one can make you feel anything without your permission. When you blame someone else for your anger or stress, you've handed them control of your emotions. Take it back by choosing how to respond, whether that's walking away, ignoring them, or reframing what happened.
Chapters
Have you ever said to someone, you make me angry, or, you stress me out? I'm sorry to say, that's just not true. No one can make you have a feeling because all of our feelings are created within us, and the evidence of that is that if someone could make you laugh, every comedian would have us all rolling in the aisles. But a single joke can lead to a whole multitude of responses, from cracked ribs to chortles to wry smiles. You can't make someone have a response, it is their choice. But when we do feel stress or anger, it is because we have abdicated control to someone else. We're allowing their behaviour dictate how we feel, and when we give up control, we feel vulnerable, and vulnerability is what stress and anxiety thrive on. So to reduce stress and anxiety, it's about taking back that control, not allowing someone else's behaviour to dictate your response. You choose your response. So even if someone's behaviour is unreasonable, You still have choice. You can choose to walk away, you can choose to ignore it, you can choose to rationalise with them, and when you take back that choice and take back that control, it changes how you feel. So this tip is a little bit more challenging, I'll be very open and honest with you. It doesn't come easily because we are so used to responding to other people's behaviour. But the more you hear someone say, that makes me, remember this moment. They're giving their control away. And whenever you say it yourself, remember this moment. Take back control and decide, do you want to feel angry? Do you want to feel stressed? Or do you want to make another choice? Because that choice is within your power. Have a go at this one. It really works.
