Caroline Cavanagh calls the anxious voice in your head the "what-if monkey" and shows how it spirals small worries into catastrophes to keep you stuck. She teaches a flip: instead of "what if I fail?" ask "what if I succeed?" The reframing turns the spiral upward and lets your brain accept a better comfort zone.
Chapters
Hi there, it's Caroline Cavanagh, and I'm back today to tell you about one of the most powerful techniques that I use with myself, my children, and my clients when I hear them having limiting beliefs, when I sense that those feelings of anxiety are coming up. Now, last week I did a lot of broadcasts about limiting beliefs, and in one of those I mentioned this thing called the what-if monkey. And so today I'm going to introduce you to the what-if monkey. Now you might be aware of him in other guises. A lot of people are familiar with what they say, there's the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. Or it may be there's like a tennis match going on in my head all the time. I think this, then I think that. I call this exactly the same concept as your what-if monkey. It's that little voice in your head that starts to squeak Whenever you're thinking of doing something that's unfamiliar, yeah, but what if? What if it goes wrong? What if I fail? What if I make a fool of myself? This is your what-if monkey, and that's what I'm going to call him for the rest of this little clip. Now, a lot's been written out there, and I've read all sorts of things about this, this what-if monkey in his various guises, and most of that is really negative. In fact, I was reading one recently that called it the gremlin. The gremlin was out to get you! Oh no! Do you know, I just don't believe in that. I think that the what-if monkey is actually on your side. He's there to keep you safe, because what his role is, is to keep you in your comfort zone. Because your comfort zone, you understand the rules, you understand how the things work, there are no nasty surprises. And so it's a safe place. It's a safe place to be because you understand how it works. After all, you understand how to do anxiety, don't you? Yes, I do. It's confidence that's a bit of a struggle. It's the confidence that's the unknown. So let me give you an example that perhaps you can, you can relate to of how this what-if monkey works. So I was recently working with a lady. She was in a job where she was absolutely miserable. She hated her job. Her work colleagues weren't very nice to her. Her boss was an absolute tyrant. But you know, it was a comfort zone. She knew how it worked. She knew when she went into work there was going to be a hostile environment. She knew she was going to get work to do that actually wasn't her job, but it was what was expected. So she understood the rules. She understood how it was all going to work. There weren't any nasty surprises. Every day was the same dirge. So the what-if monkey was sitting there going, Yeah, I know how it's going to happen. I know that's how it's going to work, so we're safe. We know how the day is going to pan out. But this is the real crux of things. The comfort zone isn't always comfortable. But as soon as she started saying to her, her what-if monkey, I'll get a new job, that's when he went, oh, hang on! We don't know how to live outside of this comfort zone. We don't need to know how to live outside of these rules. So he started chirping. What if you get a new job And what if you can't do it? So then she'd turn around and go, Oh, you know, if I can't do it, I might lose the job because most jobs have a probation period. Yeah, and then what if you lose your job? Oh, well, if I lose my job, I won't be able to pay the mortgage. And what if you can't pay the mortgage? I'll be homeless. And so within a very short space of time, she'd gone from thinking about getting a new job to believing she's going to end up homeless. So the what-if monkey goes, well, we can't do that, we can't be homeless, so we better just stay in this job. Oh, back in the comfort zone, but back in this zone where actually life was pretty miserable. So let me tell you about how to get around this what-if monkey and stop him chirping. And you know, it's relatively simple. This, this monkey, he's not a bad thing, he's just actually not very bright. So what he needs is some help. He needs some learning. He needs some new education. And the best way to educate him is to get him to find some new answers. So the What If exercise is all about asking your monkey questions. And it's about flipping. So when you say— when you hear the What If monkey say, What if you can't— what if you get a new job and you can't do it? You just flip it straight back and go, Well, what if I can? Hmm. What if Nonky is not used to being asked questions and it makes him stop? It makes him come off this pattern, this routine that he's so used to. So he'll start to say, oh, okay, well, I hadn't thought of that. But what if you do get a new job? Actually, you might really enjoy it. And what if I really enjoy it? Well, actually, you'll be really happy. And what if I'm really happy? Actually, life would be quite good. And so suddenly, rather than going from getting a new job to being homeless, you've gone from getting a new job to actually being really happy. And so rather than the downward spiral, what we've done by flipping it is turning it into an upward spiral. And then this is why I believe that the what-if monkey isn't there to sabotage you. He then realizes that actually by getting a new job, We might be really happy. It might be really good. And actually, this new comfort zone might be really much better. And at that point, the what-if monkey is willing to come out of this treehouse that he knows, take the effort to climb up the tree to this new comfort zone, this new possibility where the view might be better, there might be more bananas accessible to him. And that opens up the possibility of actually coming out of your comfort zone And being confident in doing something that you weren't able to do before. So this whole principle of the What If Monkey exercise is just flipping. It's just saying to your monkey, what if I can? What if I do? And if the What If Monkey is saying things like, what if you embarrass yourself? You can flip it the other way. What if I don't? It's all about stopping the monkey in his tracks And making him think in a different way. And you know, it may take a little bit of time. You may have to keep this virtual tennis match going on for quite a long rally. But you will always win because you are more intelligent than your what-if monkey. And it's just about giving him enough information to make him realise that this new comfort zone is a better place. It's a nicer place than the place you're in now. So I've created a little document for you to help you practice this what-if monkey exercise on your own, and I'd love to share that with you. So if you would like to get hold of that exercise, message me directly through Facebook, or you can send me an email, which is caroline@addingzest.com, and I will be delighted to share this this document with you. It is an incredible thing. It may sound very simplistic, but you know, sometimes the simple things are the best. So give it a go, see how you get on, and I'm really confident that you will find this the best thing to do as well. Now, as you may know, in the past I've mentioned that my passion is working with children. So even if you feel that you don't need this yourself, if you're a parent, be Become aware of when you hear your children say, oh yeah, but what if? What if this happens? What if that happens? Get into the habit of flipping it. Say, yeah, but what if it doesn't? What if you can? What if you do? And you will see very quickly and very vividly how powerful the what-if monkey is, how powerful this technique is, because you will see the child go, oh, you know what? I might be really successful. I might really enjoy it. I might learn something new. And you will see very short and very quick impact. Use this with your children. Help them to make their What If Monkey grow. Because if the What If Monkey grows with them as they're maturing, the output of their life is going to be phenomenal too. So thank you for listening. Have some fun with your What If Monkey. Teach him, and by teaching him, you're going to grow as a person too. And I look forward to talking to you again on Thursday morning next week when I'm going to share with you another tip that I find is phenomenally successful in helping people overcome anxiety. So thanks for now, have a wonderful weekend, and I look forward to speaking to you again soon. Bye-bye.
