Need and Want: How one of these words can trigger anxiety - but which one?

26 May 2023 · 3 min

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3:01

In this short instructional video, an anxiety specialist explains how the word "need" can increase stress and anxiety by externalizing control and creating a constant opposing force, whereas the word "want" brings the decision back inside the individual, fostering a sense of agency and reducing anxiety. The speaker illustrates the concept with everyday examples such as washing dishes or going for a run, showing how reframing "need" statements into "want" statements changes the emotional experience of the task. The video concludes with a practical challenge for viewers to become aware of their own language, catch instances of "need," replace them with "want," and observe the resulting decrease in anxiety, also encouraging them to notice this pattern in others.

Chapters

The words we use can have a really big impact on how we feel. I'm an anxiety specialist, and when I'm working with clients that are struggling with stress and anxiety, one of the words I really listen out for is need. What the word need does Is it takes that action to a force outside of their body, something that they can't control. And one of the basic laws of physics is every force has a like force. So it's like having a constant stress pushing on you that you're then pushing against, and that creates a tension, a stress. So when I hear the word need, I reflect back to the client, what do you want to do? Change the need to want. Because what, what, what want— I can't even say it— what want does is it takes that control back inside. And when we are in control, we feel less anxious, much less stressed. So someone could say to you, but yeah, I need to wash up. Do I need to wash up? No, I choose to wash up because I want a tidy kitchen. And in that want, I am choosing to do something that delivers to my want. And so it makes the washing up not necessarily pleasurable, but a lot less stressful than feeling as if I have to do it, I need to do it. So my challenge for you is start listening, listening to your own language. How often do you say need? And when you catch yourself saying need, change it to want. Take ownership of the decision to do something because then you're in control, and the more in control you feel, the less anxious, the The less stressed you will be. And listen to it in other people as well. You will start to recognize how often people use the word need. And again, when you recognize it mentally, what do they want? Because often when people say, "I need to do that," you can pretty much guarantee that they probably don't want to. I need to go for a run. A need. Often gets followed by but. When you want to go for a run, you'll put your trainers on. Need, replace with want. Use it and let me know what impact it has on you, because I think you will be hugely surprised.