Caroline Cavanagh, an anxiety specialist, explains how replacing "but" with "and" in your sentences can reduce stress and restore a sense of control. Instead of "I'm stressed but I have too much to do," say "I'm stressed and I have too much to do" to balance negative thoughts and open up choices like taking breaks or cutting your to-do list.
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Hi there, my name is Caroline Cavanagh. I'm an anxiety specialist, and I'm here today bringing you tip number 18 of my advent calendar of stress-busting tips. And this one's really, really easy. It's just a very simple word that we say a lot, but it really has a very close link to how it makes me feel. And that word is very simply, but. So I want you to take the but Out of your sentences. So listen to this sentence: You've done a really great job today, but next time if you did this, it would be better. How does that make you feel? Now take but out and change it for another little three-letter word and. You've done a really good job today, and next time if you do this, it will be even better. Same sentence, one word change, but the feelings that are linked to it are fundamentally different. Because what tends to happen is when you say but, or when you hear but, you focus all of your attention on what comes afterwards, and it creates stress because the anticipation is it's going to be negative. Whereas the word and balances up the 2 halves of the sentences and has much more of a positive connotation. So where does this relate to stress? So let's think about a very similar sentence. So something like, I'm really stressed, but I have so much to do. Focus after the but. I have so much to do. That adds to the stress. Swippo— swap over but and and. I'm really stressed and I have so much to do. Balances it up. It makes the link between I'm stressed, I have a lot to do. But what it also does at the same time is it empowers you to make a different, a different choice because you've linked stress, so much to do. One of the most important things about reducing stress and anxiety is by taking back control. Vulnerability and control are like 2 sides of a coin. They can't both be up at the same time. So when you reduce vulnerability by increasing your control, you are going to feel less stressed. So hence, when you link these 2 parts of the, of the sentence, I'm feeling really stressed and I have so much to do, there is a choice to be made. You can do everything on your to-do list and you're going to end up stressed. Choice, or you can choose to relax a bit more, perhaps not getting so much done. Caroline Eve, lovely to see you, lovely lady. Thank you for watching. So yes, you can reduce your to-do list, relax a little bit more. That also then becomes a choice, and where there is a choice, you are back in control, and hence less. Vulnerability. Now, it doesn't necessarily mean— this is not a magic solution. There is often a lot of things to do at this time of year, but there's also only one Christmas to enjoy as well. And perhaps taking some time out, having that, you know, 15 minutes to just chill and read a book, watch rubbish TV, lay in a bath, whatever it may be, and accept that 2 or 3 things may not get done But the irony being, when you relax and recharge your batteries a little bit, you're likely to be more productive either, um, anyway. So this is a tip that's great for stress now, but also one of the ones I would love you to think about beyond Christmas. But is such a really powerful word in creating stress. Take it out of your language and you'll find that your stress levels start to reduce as well. And the other thing I'd love you to do is listen to how many people say but. Become aware of when someone's saying but, the negative question or the negative phrase that comes after it. You can start to even anticipate it, and again, if you're anticipating it, you are back in control. You can make that judgment. Is that fair? Is that not? So take— get off your butt, get butt out there, out the situation, and reduce stress. Stress at the same time. So a very simple one for today. As with all of these videos, if you're kind enough to share the video or like my Facebook page, I will put your name into a hat. And as a way of saying thank you to you for doing that, I'll be offering a number of people the opportunity to work one-to-one with me after Christmas. I'm doing these videos because I want to get more techniques out there for people to help them reduce their stress, not just up to Christmas, but who knows what 2021 is going to bring us. I suspect more stress is on there down the line, so the more tools we have to deal with that, the easier anything that gets thrown at us is going to be to tackle. So that's me for now. Thank you to those of you that have been watching. Thank you to those that have watched it on the replay, and I will be back tomorrow with the next tip. Bye-bye for now.
