The Queen's death and grief

As I record this video, it is less than 24 hours since we have lost our Queen. For many, it may be the first experience of loss. For others of us, it may take us back to memories, times where we have lost other people from our lives. So in this video, I would like to share some of the things that I have learned personally and also through years of working in mental health. Firstly, grief is a very personally experienced emotion. Other emotions such as anger, sadness, fear tend to be experienced in a more common way, but we process grief very individually. Some people will process their grief externally by reminiscing, by talking. Others do just the opposite, they withdraw, they process internally, and that can sometimes seem or be interpreted as someone as being very cold. Others process grief through humour, Often saying crass or inappropriate things. That is not their intention, it is just a different way of processing their pain. A final category is those who choose not to process their grief at all. They suppress it, bottle it up. These people will often get very busy. It's a way of distracting themselves from what's going on inside. My advice to you is accept the way you wish to process it and know that you may bounce between a number of those different methods. As importantly, please avoid judging people that are experiencing different methods. People are not being cold, they're not being crass. They are doing it in a way that works for them. This is a time to allow people to deal with things in their own way and to avoid harsh judgment. Another thing that happens very commonly with grief is it comes in waves. Grief typically doesn't dissipate in a nice linear fashion. Certainly since I heard about her death at half past 6 yesterday evening, I've felt waves of emotion. I shed a few tears at half past 6. A few more came on later in the evening as I was watching some of the videos. Again this morning. I see grief as very much similar to the waves on the sea. A wave comes up, It then breaks. There's a period of calm as the next wave comes in. My advice is ride the wave. It will break. It will pass. And behind it there is a period of calm. And over time those waves get smaller, bigger breaks in between. Thirdly, Grief typically will start to lead to other emotions. Anger is quite a common one. The most common, however, is sadness. And my advice is just the same: allow yourself to feel that emotion, to ride that particular wave, because it too shall pass. For many people, myself included, we've only ever known the Queen. There's been a lot said in some of the broadcasts that I've seen that the Queen is stability. She's been something that we can go to as a stalwart, something to depend on when there's chaos going on in the world. And that stability has gone, and that will cause some people to feel very unsettled as that comfort zone has disappeared. You're in a place of discomfort, something we don't know. We don't know how Charles is going to be as a King. But that comfort will grow because we will become familiar over weeks, over months, over years. A new comfort zone will come into place. There are many psychological reasons as to why we have this phrase, time heals. I won't go into those psychological processes now, but it's true, time does heal. And my advice is, for now, be In the now. The best way you can help your healing is accept those emotions, allow them to be processed, and know that over time our grief, our pain, our sadness will diminish. If you are feeling particularly overwhelmed, unable to process your grief, I encourage you to reach out and get help. You're very welcome to contact me. My website is carolinecavanagh.co.uk, or please reach out to any other mental health specialists, and there are many people who also specialise specifically in grief. It is not a weakness to ask for help, it's a strength, and it will help you heal. Thank you for listening and take care. Thank you.