Rebuilding Trust & Eliminating Conflict in Your Organization-Leadership Webinar | Titan Impact Group

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Okay. So welcome, everybody. I am super, super excited to be sharing with all of you one of my favorite, favorite people. And this is Tina. Tina Greenbaum. She has been on this journey with me. Oh, my gosh. I think it's been coming on to a decade now.

I think so, too. Crazy.

My screen with you. And I say it again. Do you see my screen with you? And I.

Yes, I do. Okay, sure.

Okay. So for all of you, Tina is somebody who's very near and dear to literally the, the, the intimate knowings of my family and her. And I actually met at another conference, CEO space. And some of you actually know it. Some of you who are here know. And what's really amazing is it was in the morning and we were having breakfast, right? And I was feeling. I was feeling crazy. Like, I was like. Because I was dealing with teenagers. Twin teenagers in stereo, right? Like, for all of you who have teenagers, you get it? But seriously, twin teenagers in stereo. Oh, my gosh. It's a whole new level of like, what the what?

Anyway, so.

So, long story short, Tina let me know that what I was dealing with was completely normal and they were crazy. And she was explaining to me the whole, you know, neuron pathways and all this and what happens with teenagers. Anyway, she just has, from that day forward has, like, we've had this amazing relationship and we literally meet, like, literally every single Wednesday and have for years and years and years, which is amazing. And so she is a TED Talk speaker, which is really cool. She also has wrote in a really incredible book. And she speaks for, I would say, at corporate. Corporate events and teaching and working with executive suite level leaders that are teaching about so many things from, you know, ma pressure. You spoke of my other conferences with the Wealthwise women. So. So today I'm really excited to have you talk about just something that is, you know, what's happening culturally inside of just the economy and the conflict and just all the things that are happening and talking to us about rebuilding trust and eliminating conflict in our organizations. I think this is a really important thing subject for us to talk about. And I feel like we can never have enough skills or tools or training around this particular subject and developing this skill. So I'm super, super happy to have you doing this. And for all of you, we're going to have a Q and a webinar next on Thursday in two days. Now, about this, so I really want you to be, you know, thoughtful and mindful about this and come to us on Thursday with all of those questions so we can really dig in further around all of this. So without further ado, Tina, thank you for being here.

Yeah, thank you, Katherine. And yes, we love each other. We do have a mutual admiration society. So thank you, Katherine, for making this possible. And I want to talk a little bit about how I got to this idea of conflict resolution. You know, we're living in a very crazy world. I don't have to tell anybody that there is so much conflict external, external, globally, internally, in person. And I started to think about what is really underneath conflict. You know, why do we fight? Why do we argue? Why do we have these, you know, these situations? And I had a very, very wise teacher a long time ago, and he said the reason that people do this, people, couples, is we don't understand each other. And so I started to think about that a lot. And if I put myself in your shoes, what does the world look like from your point of view? And if you're able to put yourself in my shoes, what does it look like to you? So we begin to start to. That word called empathy is a big concept. It's not like I jump into your skin and I live there because that gets us into a lot of trouble, but that I can empathize. I can jump in and see your point of view, and I can still hold on to myself at the same time, if that makes any sense.

Right.

So I'm doing my best to understand where are you coming from? Because I don't see it at all like you do. Now, again, I have a really good friend that we are on. I couldn't say more, opposite polls, not only the political, but all kinds of issues. And I. And I spent a lot of time talking to her about this. And I said, okay, so what do we agree on? She's a really good person. She has a really good soul, and that's what attracted me to her. And so we could agree to disagree on certain issues, but we can also agree on really important. I would call them actually moral situations, value situations. Because when our values get very, very dispersed and we don't really understand ourselves, we don't understand where we're coming from, we then react rather than responding thoughtfully. So as I continued on this journey of conflict resolution, and you can see in the background that my. My book and my. The name of my company is called Mastery Under Pressure. And so this is peak performance skills. Well, in order to have a peak performance in dealing with conflict, we have to know ourselves really well. And we also have to understand and have conflict resolution skills, communication skills, and then I started to think again, like, well, I could communicate really well, but really, communication is a skill. What's really underneath, you know, how do I communicate to you in a way that you could actually hear me? So what do I have to be aware of for myself? Well, number one, I have to be aware of my biases. Now, we talk a lot about gender bias and racial bias. There's all kinds of biases. I think that Heinz ketchup is the best ketchup in the world because my mother thought it was the best ketchup in the world. It's a bias, kind of, maybe a silly one. But as I do my own reflection in the things, another word kind of in my background. I'm a psychotherapist by training. We talk about belief systems. Belief systems are biases. Belief systems are shoulds. I should do this, and I should do that, and I should do this. And many times they go unexamined. So part of the process of really kind of understanding yourself so that you can be really masterful at conflict is what do I bring to the table? What are my own biases? I had a conversation with somebody not too long ago, and I walked away from it, and I was not happy with the way that I kind of said something, and it had to do with a racial connotation, and it actually wasn't. It wasn't positive. And coming from me, anybody that knows me really well, like Tina, that's not you? No, it wasn't me. So why did I say that? Why did I get there? What was it? And it was inappropriate, but the signal was I was really uncomfortable. Okay? So that was my internal signal that something was off, I was out of alignment, and I needed to make it better. I needed to go back to that person, and I needed to apologize for my just not being sensitive and not being thoughtful. And she said to me, thank you for that. It took me a couple days to get over it, honestly, because it's not the way I like to represent myself. But we talked a little bit more, and she said, it's enough. She said, I get it. You don't have to apologize again. So that sensitivity. But would you do that? Would you go back to the person that you thought you insulted in some way or said something that was a little bit hurtful? Would you go back and just apologize? Because many of us don't. So I've got biases that I'm very, very, very sensitive to in my own thought patterns. And then I started to. When I was in graduate school, one of my Favorite topics was ethics. I think we are morally bereft at this time in our culture. We're thinking about money, we're thinking about getting ahead, we're thinking about all kinds of things. But are we thinking about the impact and how we do it and how we say it on other people? And how do we make decisions? How do we make ethical decisions? And I have to say, from Kathleen's training and coaching, AI and I have become very good friends. And I said I wanted to. I had this idea about moral development and value development and bringing this to the workplace as well. And it came back to me, this theory that I had learned, like 40 years ago, 40, 50 years ago, called the Kohlberg's Theory of Moral development. So when I talk about conflict, it's a little convoluted, perhaps, but it's not single focused.

Right.

And I love deep and having deep conversations and thinking about things deeply so that we actually get to the root of what we're talking about.

Right.

And that's my just very short version of talking about conflict. So jump in. Go ahead, Catherine. Yeah, jump in.

No, no, this is you. Do you see the leadership without trust?

Yes, leadership without trust. It's a house built on sand. And these are some of the things that I actually have written. And now you're reminding me that conflict erodes the foundation of your organization. Just like a family, any relationship, when there is unspoken kinds of things going on, that the foundation is rocky. And when that's rocky, all kinds of things come out and we say all kinds of things and we have all kinds of behavior. Sometimes it's very overt. We have people yelling and screaming or short with us or annoyed. And other times it's very covert. Right under. Under the Hood is the name of my podcast. And it's kind of like that. It's under the hood. And it could be just me sitting in a meeting and picking up my phone, not being interested in what you're saying, could be coming late for. For things. It could be not showing up, not participating, a whole bunch of different ways that become very demoralizing. So it takes time and energy to resolve disagreements and most importantly, to rebuild trust. Trust is the whole nine yards. Right? Okay, so is this for you? You are a leader who values open communication, teamwork, and positive collaboration. You're a leader who recognize the importance of trust. And in driving that, how do you keep the trust and driving this high performance team and achieving your goals? And are you a leader who is committed to creating a culture of respect, empathy, and accountability. These are just some of the questions that I'd love you to think about. And I'm really, really looking forward to Thursday, to having your input so that we can have a really good conversation. So the silent thief. This is kind of what I talked a little bit about. It's the one that is overt, not so silent. Creates chaos and lowers morale when conflict is not addressed. It creates a toxic environment and leads to increased stress, decreased productivity and lack of motivation. Just going back to that little example that I told you about. My conflict was internal and if I didn't address it, and it was really interesting because it happened early in the morning of a one day conference and I, every time I looked at this woman I had, I kind of was feeling guilty. So it didn't go away. I identified it, but until I did something with it and something positive and productive, I hoped it wouldn't go away. Okay, so overt is when it, when it's out there. Covert is. Without open communication and the shared sense of trust, your team suffers. People and again may feel very reluctant to share ideas, to speak up. Is there a consequence for speaking up? Am I afraid that my job is going to be taken away? Am I going to be seen as women, seen as the bitch? Men can be too aggressive. So a whole bunch of things. And why the trust and the love? This is non negotiable, non negotiable. Okay. Your productivity, your success, everything depends on that. That underlying, you know, foundation which everything else builds on. What else have we got, Catherine?

So here's stuff.

Okay, tools. I have a conflict assessment tool right here on actually on my computer, which we were happy to send to you. It gives you strategies. Well, it'll point out the problems. We can't solve anything until we have the problem. And once we can name the problem, then we can go about and come up with solutions. What kind of solutions do you need? Communication strategies for this? Open conversation, respectful communication. Do we need to look at some of the other pieces that we're talking about and then we apply actionable steps. So what's the problem? Let's look at the solution and then let's apply the solution.

So let's talk about this. Yeah, the assessment. Because I think this is really important.

I can actually bring it up and then we can send it out so that if we could share my screen.

Yep, you should be able to share.

Okay, I'm going to share the screen and hopefully not a million other things will come up because I've got a lot of stuff on My. On my thing here. Here we go. Here, let me do this. Can you see it? Can you read it or do I need to zoom?

No, I can see it. Yep.

Okay, then I don't need to zoom. I can zoom back. Zoom to fit. Okay, so we have three categories which we kind of alluded to here. What are the signs of conflict? Team members avoiding direct communication about sensitive topics. Decision making processes are slow and frequently lead to disagreements. Key employees have recently left. Again, this is a huge issue in organizations trying to keep top talent. And as we said, everything comes from the top. And if it filters down in a way that this top talent knows that it could go someplace else. They're gone. They're gone in a very, very short period of time. We talk about biases. Team meetings are dominated by one or two voices. That's a bias. You ever sit in a meeting where the same people are just talking and talking, talking and the leader or the facilitator doesn't stop them? This is when the phones come out and people start gazing and there's little participation from others. Side conversations. Back channeling. I got a call one time from the board was having difficulty with the CEO and the executive team because anytime the board wanted to implement something, the team would be unhappy and they'd go back and there was all this back channeling. The CEO was left out and there was just a lot of dysfunction.

Morale.

Employees frequently disappear. They're unmotivated. They avoid collaborating again. You can read all this stuff. Procrastination, again is another one of those, what should we call passive aggressive kinds of ways of being angry. I'm not going to tell you that I'm not going to show up. I'm just not going to show up or I'm going to show up late and I'm not going to tell you why I'm mad. These kinds of things. Which brings to mind part of the training that I do frequently goes back to families of origin and how we dealt with conflict in our families or didn't deal with conflict. It has a really, really big impact. And again, unless you know yourself really well and you know your history, you're just going to do things unconsciously and people are going to get really mad at you. Innovation and creativity are squelched well. There's no morale, there's no product productivity. And then this comes back to the leadership. Everything comes from the top. The leaders are not aligned. Your priorities are your strategic goals. There's visible tension. Anybody could pick it up. You don't have to hear it you could just walk into a room and you can feel it. Trust within leadership has eroded. Key decisions are second guessed again. How do we do that? We've now we're looking for all this, you know, different people with different skills and different backgrounds. And now we got you all together. How the hell are we going to make decisions? How are we going to come away with something that everybody will get behind? Because there's not going to be always 100% agreement. Right? The feedback or differing opinions are discouraged. Creating a culture of avoidance. Leaders struggle to model open, respectful communication during disagreements. We're happy to send it out to you, the folks that are on here. You could have done it as we go and see where you come out on this score of your organization. Whether in fact you are the leader of the organization or you are a part of a team or you're an employee of an organization. I have a client, we talk actually now once a month. And her incredible discouragement with her senior leadership and everything that she tries to put forward. And she said something, she said, I wasn't born to be a nothing. I was born to be a something.

Yeah.

And that stuck, stayed with me. Yes, you were born to be a something.

And can you navigate your screen so that we. Because I want to bring this up for them. So here's the reality is that as human beings, I hate to say it, but we're going to have conflict.

Like we had.

Tina and I had a whole conversation this morning about it. And it's just like, I'm like, ah. Like no matter how much personal development or courses or classes or books or it doesn't matter. Like humans are humans. They're not spreadsheets.

Some days I seriously, especially my teenagers.

Wish they were like, good God, life would be so much easier if they were a spreadsheet. But it's not how it works. So I deal with these things called conflict people.

So what I love is that I.

Have Tina on speed dial. And for all of you, like, seriously, if you're interested in more about this, please join us on Thursday because I'd love to be able to have Tina, you know, be somebody who's on speed dial for you because it's just something we gotta deal with as business owners, leaders, entrepreneurs, investors.

It's the things.

This is like the, I don't know, the Aki part of being human.

I don't know, ew. Just call it spreadsheet.

So, yeah, we'd love to send this to you. And you know, the thing to look at is like Are you ready to rebuild trust? Trust in your team, trust in maybe even like a partnership, whatever that looks like. Tina is definitely somebody who's here that, again, has walked alongside of me and my super prickly teenagers and.

Continue to.

Literally, as a conversation this morning we were having.

Yes.

So if you're, you know, you're one of those that, I don't know, has relationships and has to deal with prickly people, this is the place to be. We're going to talk about all the, you know, the unpleasant things that people don't talk about that I feel like, need to be talked about. Right. Like, you're not alone. You're not alone in dealing with this stuff and having people who are highly trained, educated, developed that can help us come alongside of us and, you know, help us get trained to be able to go through all this. This is really important. So come to the webinar on Thursday. I'll send you out an email. Thank you for being here. And yeah, we're here to talk about all the unpleasant, uncomfortable things, but the things that actually matter and that move the needle forward.

Yeah. And there's one other thing I want to add, Catherine. A lot of times we look at conflict as something bad, but it is definitely the impetus for growth.

Okay, so say that again, because I look as conflict as bad. Let's just.

Yes, conflict doesn't always. It doesn't feel good. Okay. Those uncomfortable feelings don't feel good, but it's the impetus for growth. You know, as you walk away, or as I gonna go back to that conversation that I had, that I. I said something that I was uncomfortable with, I just felt better. You know, that woman and I had a relationship that we didn't have before. We had an understanding. We had. We have something to grow on. That's really the way I want people to look at it. It is an impetus for growth and something not to be avoided because the energy is going to go somewhere. And if you don't deal with it and. And you don't name it and you don't work with it, you don't grow number one, and things deteriorate, you know, underneath you. So there you go. That's annoying.

I'm just gonna say what everybody else is thinking, but we gotta deal with it.

So as all.

I love and hate our conversations. Tina.

That'S okay.

Love you so.

I love you, too. And I don't hate you ever, so.

No, I don't hate you either. I don't really like these annoying conversations. I just want everybody to be happy and get along and be like a spreadsheet. Here's the formula. And you do this and you get this works because of these things called feelings and family origin.

And.

Anyway.

Okay, we'll talk some more. For sure.

So Thursday, be here, bring your questions. And I hope this was helpful because, again, I think that conflict assessment that Tina has will definitely give you access to that. Anyways, just really, really powerful stuff. So I hope you have an extraordinary day. And, Tina, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you for the invitation.

Yeah. And we'll be back on Thursday.

All right. I love it. Okay. Bye for now.

Have an amazing day. Thank you, everyone.