Navigating Mental Health in the Entertainment Industry: Nelson Paredez

This is the Chris Project, where we discuss mental wellness, self-awareness, and mindset with entrepreneurs and experts. Set your perceived ideas and biases aside and let's go on our journey for yourself, for your family, for the world.

Welcome to another edition of The Chris Project. I am your host, Christian Brim. Joining me today is Nelson Paredes Parks. I hope I pronounced that correct. Nelson, welcome.

Thank you. Thank you. Excited to be here.

So why don't you give our listeners the brief synopsis of who Nelson is and what his bona fides are?

Got it. Well, my background is I'm originally from Mexico. I actually lived all over the world. I lived in Sydney, Australia. I lived in Dominican Republic as a kid, lived in Chicago, moved out to Los Angeles to go to, to go to USC. I was at Columbia College in Chicago to start with.

And so you're dumb.

Yeah, I guess, I guess you'd say that, right?

Okay.

Um, so I moved to Los Angeles to be able to, uh, be able to work as an actor. And my first year here, I did pretty well. Um, and then I got on the other side of the business, and I worked in casting. I worked for 4 different casting offices. Um, then I was an acting teacher and taught thousands of kids as a teacher. And then from there, uh, took on talent management. And the last many years, I've also been executive coaching entrepreneurs and business owners. Scaling their own businesses up to the next level with a brand called Help and Answers.

Beautiful. Okay, so what drew you to LA and acting?

Um, you know, as a kid I always loved to perform. I loved— I was a part of Second City as a kid. I toured with the Second City, uh, youth touring company and did that, and that was a blast. And, uh, from there You know, I wanted to go to Hollywood, and the goal was that I had to be in some sort of college to be able to have that happen for my parents. So made that happen, got into USC's theater conservatory, and then from there, you know, just got on the other side of the business because I found that acting is actually not what I wanted to do because I was pursuing it for the wrong reasons. So decided to get on the business side of things and started managing actors.

What was the wrong reason?

Uh, the wrong reason was fame. I just wanted notoriety. I wanted success. And then once I started tasting a little bit of it, I thought, huh, you know, this is actually not what I want. And I did lots of other self-development programs, uh, that, uh, really helped me kind of take a look at like why I was doing this acting thing in the first place and decided to go on to the other side and help people more than anything.

I don't know a lot of actors personally. And I'm curious if you could confirm or deny this, but it seems like there are a lot of people in that business that suffer in silence with mental issues, addictions, But, but it kind of goes back to the, you know, self-esteem thing and seeking fame and, and, um, you know, trying to be somebody because they don't— they're afraid of being themselves. You know, the whole normal trope. Is, is that accurate, or—

I think it depends. You know, I, I have worked with a lot of actors that they still have a lot of emotional issues they're working through, and part of the journey, um, that I go through with them on is helping them with, you know, a lot of different things. I'm not there to be their full-time therapist, you know. I'll recommend that they actually get professional help, you know, when it comes to that. But I, I help them in lots of areas regarding their, their time and their money and their boundaries and like making wise decisions and, um, building a wise game plan and business plan. So I've heard many a story of my actors going through multiple of things over the years, and my job as managers to truly help them in any which way I can to help them move their business and life forward.

Yeah, my daughter spent a couple of years out in West Hollywood. She's, she's a figurative oil painter, and, uh, she, she saw very quickly how the people that know the business side, um, I say exploit the creative elements because it seems like there's a never-ending pipeline of them coming seeking fame and fortune. But, you know, she, she fortunately, at the age of 27, had enough experience to realize from the business side, like, you're, you're not helping me really. You're, you're taking money out of my mouth, all with the hopes of, you know, they dangle that carrot of like, you know, you'll get your shot, you'll get your shot. Um, I assume that you see a similar pattern with creatives out there that don't have a lot of business acumen.

Well, I do find a lot of actors come to us and they're more the creative and they really don't understand the business side. And that's what we're there to provide as a manager, to really give Again, it's called show business. And so we need to find a way to, you know, have the creative thing thrive. But at the same time, I think in this day and age, especially ever since the pandemic happened, I think the business has changed. And I think the actors that are doing well are the actors that know how to think like entrepreneurs or act like entrepreneurs. So I think gone are the days you can just be a creative type and not have some sort of business understanding in your life. So, what I tend to do is come alongside really creative people and help them develop the business side of their brand.

I love that. One of my performance heroes is Dave Chappelle, and I love his story and how he took a stand for his creative principles, but then, you know, also parlayed it into a lot of business financial success. But I don't— not everybody's a Dave Chappelle with that talent and that acumen. So I can see the definite need for what you do.

Yeah, that it's definitely needed. And I think More and more actors are needing that more and more every day. So one of the things that I did during the pandemic, though, was reinvent because a lot of the entertainment business changed a lot and it's gotten so much harder for actors to actually fully support themselves as actors. I used to have dozens of actors that would support themselves fully by their acting skills, and now it's like many actors have to have other sources of income. So it's the industry's changed with the component of AI and how the businesses really started shifting. And there was, you know, there used to be about 700 shows on air and we broke it down and there's half of that now. So the competition right now is fierce.

Well, you know, that's interesting you say that because I have another podcast called The Profitable Creative where we talk about the business of creativity. And I was talking to a producer out of Virginia. And he did—

he—

his traditional historical was doing, you know, documentaries or other series work for studios, and how that ground has all shifted. And the, the— what I pulled from it was, is the— it seems like the industry is becoming more conservative as far as like taking fewer risks financially, um, and it's resulted in a lot more, uh, I don't know, not, not creative stuff. I mean, like, it's kind of like, well, we're going to take this, we're going to take this, uh, show that was successful and we're going to replicate it, but we're going to tweak some pieces here. And it's, you know, you get 15 different types of Housewives of California or Beverly Hills and Survivor shows and whatever. Do you see that?

Yeah, I think the studios now are really looking at where they're putting in their money, and they analyze everything under the sun before deciding to make something, uh, and put it out there into the market. So I think that, yeah, gone are the days of a little bit of that creativity, um, and I think that's why for actors now you just really have to think out of the box and you have to network like crazy. It's really about building those relationships and connecting with more people and creating your own content. So I think we're in a little bit different of a world now.

Yes, I don't think— yeah, I think, you know, just my opinion from being outside the business, you know, streaming was a huge technological shift, but it's almost like they've become the Netflix and, you know, Prime and all these other streaming services are now like the old guard and they're trying to protect their, their cash flow. And but, but I still think there's still technology to disrupt. Yes. I think, you know, direct to consumer, you know, going off of the YouTubes and, and, you know, delivering your content directly to your, your fans seems to be where this is going. Would you?

Yeah, I agree with that. I think that that's true. And I think right now it's just hard to say with AI going as fast as it's growing every day, like every day under the sun, I'm learning about some new tool that does some new thing. And it's honestly business-wise very hard to keep up with the amount of new services, new possibilities, new ways to work. And so it's about being knowledgeable, studying, like I would say at least an hour a day, I'm just trying to learn some new tool, some new, uh, program that's out there that might help me work faster, wiser, smarter, um, in, in everything I'm doing.

Yeah, I think we're all to some extent drinking through that same fire hose. Um, I'm going to pivot here a second. So you, you decided that you didn't want to pursue fame, fortune— well, you didn't say fortune, so, but fame. Um, and decided to get into the business side of it. Uh, do you— what, what challenges did you have in that transition? Was there any mindset shift from, from going from one side of the fence to the other?

You know, I've always been a go-getter, and I'm always creating like projects and networking groups and So I think I've been wired as a kid like that. All my life I've been always just operating from that standpoint. So I don't know that— I think my biggest challenge always is like how to manage my time effectively. I used to wear a watch around my neck, a stopwatch, and I would time everything in my life for approximately 2 years.. And I learned how long it takes to walk a block and how long it takes me to take a shower and how long it takes me to do pretty much every task you can think of. And I think that's where I started to learn, you know, the power of time. And I think time is a more important asset than our money, because money will come and go, but time we will never get back ever in our life. So we need to use our time effectively. So My biggest struggle is like each day how to use my time in the most effective, efficient manner to actually reach the ultimate goals that I'm trying to create. So that's, I think, a lifelong journey process that I'm continuing to be on.

So what are the ultimate goals? What are you trying to create ultimately?

Well, my big, big vision is I want to create a museum. Um, and okay, it's going to be the Question Museum, and it will be a museum where kids come in and question every concept in life. So one room will be the time— use the time room, and another room will be the money room, another room will be the boundaries room. And so we'll go to, like, for the time room, we'll go to someone like Rolex and say, hey, will you help sponsor, uh, this room? So, and it'll just be, you know, powerful questions that you're asking yourself and kids ask themselves Um, because I think that's the one thing that we as humans are always asking. We're asking deeper and better questions. The whole premise for Help and Answers, when I first came up with it, is that you have the life or you don't have the life dependent on the questions that you ask yourself in your life. So if you're asking yourself deep questions, you get some, some sort of results. And if you ask other questions, you get different sorts of results. So I want to build a museum, uh, philanthropically, that one day just gives back and teaches kids and people really to ask better questions.

I like that statement. So, let's dig into that, asking the right questions. Give us an example of the results being driven by the questions you ask.

So, for example, instead of just doing your to-do list and doing anything that's coming at you, it's about each day asking deeper and more powerful questions. So, like, you know, a simple question may be, You know, what one action step do I need to take today that if I did could really help my master goal that I have in my life? Or what, what, what one bill do I have today that if I don't pay today, it's going to impact my tomorrow? So I better actually pay that bill today, do something about it. Or what one relationship do I need to call today that that relationship seems to be struggling And if I don't call that person, you know, maybe they'll have— I'll have some issues or problems in my life. So I better call that person. Or what one way of being am I being with my, you know, wife or my partner that has me not have, you know, an effective— might not have me have an effective week? So I think it's just like practicing asking deep questions and asking yourself more and more questions. And those are the kind of questions that I'm asking myself that actually give me my to-do list.

Hmm. Yeah. So one of the most powerful questions that I have learned to ask myself over the last relatively few years is the one of why do I act the way I do? Why do I say what I do? Why do I behave the way I behave, think, feel, you know, like more introspection, getting beneath the surface level reactions, uh, or actions, and, and trying to have a better understanding of myself, of what's— what beliefs are driving those behaviors.

Yeah.

Is that part of what you're talking about?

I think that's important to get behind the beliefs, you know. And for me, it's just with all the many projects I have going on in my life I'm just asking myself questions about the process, about the time, about the people, about the resources. And once I answer that question, then I try to get to a deeper question inside of that to then each day give me a stronger kind of to-do list. So I find that the weeks that I do this as an exercise, I seem to be a bit more productive in my life. And the weeks that I don't ask myself these questions, I'm just kind of in crisis mode, just doing whatever's kind of coming at me.

Is there a particular belief that you have struggled with to— I say lay down or set aside— is there a belief that has persistently caused you trouble? I'll share mine if you share yours.

Why don't you share yours first so I can understand what you mean by this question so I can come up with one?

Yeah. So, um, one of my beliefs that I've had, I, I would just phrase as, I'm not a quitter. Okay. And, um, that, that belief has served me very well through life. Um, but it came to the point in my entrepreneurial journey where that belief was actually counterproductive and destructive because it didn't allow me to put things down that I'd picked up. You know, like if I had picked up a role or a job or a project, and it became clear that I wasn't the one to do it, the best one to do it, the one to get it actually done, I, I really struggled with setting it down and letting someone else pick it up or, or just setting it down, period. Like, maybe, maybe no one needs to pick it up. Maybe it just doesn't need to happen, you know, that, that, that thing. And that's, that's something I still struggle with. I feel like I've got over the hump in the last year, but it's— I mean, it was, it was a belief that was causing such, trouble. I mean, like, I was having physical anxiety problems, uh, and I, I, I didn't even really know why, uh, but it was because I was holding on to this thing that I needed to let go.

Yeah, yeah, no, I, I, uh, I definitely can see that. I think for me, the belief that I— that probably, um, I'd want to share is the belief that I am Superman. So what I mean by that is I think I can do it all. And so what happens is then I bite off too much and I take on too many responsibilities and I say yes to too many people. And then I start to become out of integrity with things and people and situations simply because, you know, I see the glass— my half— my glass always half full. So I'm always like in the positive. I'm always glass half full guy. But sometimes it's— I take on just too much. And so I think that is a double-edged sword sometimes. So I need to, uh, balance a little bit more where I say no, or, you know what, I need to take 3 times amount of time to get that project done. And sometimes I just play Superman and think that I can get done with all those tasks in one day or one week.

Yeah, and, you know, I think for me, the big thing was realizing that it was a belief, that it wasn't part of who I was, like it was separate from me, that I could choose to act in that belief or not. You know, I look at— we have these characteristics that we're born with or maybe developed over time, but, you know, those things that are intrinsically us usually are very agnostic. They're neither good or bad. You know, like one of my characteristics is you could call me stubborn or you could call me persistent and you'd be right. It just depends upon whether it was a negative or a positive connotation. And that, I think, is closely tied to that whole I'm not a quitter. Right. And for you saying that you are Superman, there's absolutely nothing wrong with believing that. Right. And as an entrepreneur, we have to have a lot of stubbornness and/or persistence, and we have to have a lot of believing in ourselves that we can accomplish it. We have to have that to be successful as entrepreneurs. Yep. But it's when those beliefs, you know, having the ability to be separate from it and say, you know, this in this moment, this belief is not helping me. It is not serving what I want. To have happen.

Yep, 100%. I fully agree. And I think it's, it's finding time in your schedule to put certain habits in your life. You know, I have this, this thing that I do called my power hours. And so, uh, during my power hour each week, um, if I have certain power hours in my life, um, my week is a lot more effective. And if I don't implement them, my week is not as effective. So one of my power hour times is called my question hour, where I just ask myself deep questions. Another one is my proposal hour. Each week I need to make sure that I'm sending out enough proposals to people in my life to make sure that I'm proposing new ideas or new business opportunities. Another hour is my CEO planner hour. That's the time where I actually plan everything that I'm up to. Then I have my financial hour, and during that time I focus on my finances and look at like all the money coming in and all all the money going out. Then I have my client fishing hour, my mining and fishing hour, where I'm spending enough time fishing for enough possible clients or enough possible situations that could help my business. Then I have my social media hour, um, focusing on my socials, which I never really like to do, but I brought on a team that helps me with that. Um, then there's my organizing hour, because with this, everything I'm up to in my life, if I'm not organizing everything that I'm up to, then things are just like messy on my desktop messy at home, so I need to make sure I'm spending some time organizing. Then my personal growth hour is time where I'm learning something new, listening to a YouTube video, reading a book. Um, then there's my team meeting hour where I'm meeting with my team, and then there's my project hours where I'm actually focused on specific projects. So I've identified those 10 categories of, um, blocks of time that I actually put in my Google Calendar, and the weeks that I actually don't do one of those, that domain or area in my life falls short. Yeah. So, um, I really work hard to try to make sure I can— and it doesn't have to be that it's an hour, maybe it's a half an hour— but if I don't put any dedicated time to those categories, something starts not, you know, starts not working very well. So it's important that I kind of get to those sort of things.

I, I think that's brilliant. I think blocking time on your calendar with intent is, is critical to success. I think even more so now because it is so easy to be distracted, right? Um, it is so easy to go off and down a rabbit hole. Uh, and, and it's also easy, you know, you, you mentioned finances, like I, I can see where people that are like worried about their money, um, rather than take a block of time and put it on their calendar to work on it, just worry about it constantly and maybe, you know, check things here and there, but they never really have any intention behind it. It's just staying in that worry space.

Yep.

Rather than saying, okay, that's not the time to work on that. We've got that on Thursday at 1 o'clock. We're going to work on it then. Yep. And I think—

and one thing that I've used that helps me tremendously is I have another category in my life where I list problems. And for example, what I do is I have a sheet here that's kind of like my problem sheet. And whenever a problem comes into my life, I'll write down the problem on my sheet. And I can only focus on the problem while I'm holding the piece of paper. Oh. So what happens is when I'm done writing about the issue or the problem, I have to put— I put the paper down in a problem binder. And I'm not allowed to think or stress or stay focused on that problem. And if I'm comp— and if I'm so compelled to do so, then I'll have to pull out my binder and say, "Okay, well, this is my problem time until I can make an agreement with myself that I'm going to let that go in my mind." I can hold that book and work on that problem for another 5 minutes, but then I have to put the book away. So, I give myself a boundary or a goal that I'm not allowed to focus on a problem other than my problem time.

I, I love that. I think that's brilliant because it, like I said, it's so easy for everything to just be running in the background, uh, and, and emotion and, and anxiety and fear and stress and, uh, and, and never have the bandwidth to actually focus on solving it. It's just, you know, this buzzing noise in the background.

Yeah. And I think it's also a practice, you know, like for example, I, I, I to look at things like through other people's eyes. So for example, let's say someone sued you for some reason.

Okay.

Yes. And so I have— if someone sued you, like now what I would do, I'd say like, oh, well, what would Oprah Winfrey do? What would Donald Trump do? What would, you know, what would these entities that seem to be able to handle so much in life do? And for someone like Oprah Winfrey, it would probably just be something on her to-do list. Be like, oh my God, I gotta solve that situation. And where the average person might just freak out and be like, oh my goodness, what am I gonna do? Like, this means this and this means that. I find that now I create a different context to problems, you know? And I'm like, what's the opportunity? What's the solution? What's the— so I try, the second I have a problem, it's not that I deny myself the experience to feel the emotion that I have in that scenario, but I will give myself a time limit. I'll say, okay, Nelson, you got 5 minutes to vent, gripe, complain, do whatever you want to do during those 5 minutes, but that's your time to do so. And then we go to solution mode. And if I don't have time to do solution mode right then, then I'm going to put that sheet away somewhere else, and I will deal with that problem at another time. But I'm not going to let it ruin my day.

I love that. So when did you— I just had this image of you with this stopwatch in the shower, uh, which I wish I could get out of my mind. Um, when did you stop using it? What, what was the, the point where you said—

well, I really don't remember. I mean, I just know that I had this orange stopwatch that I would always carry around my neck for 2 years, and at some point I'd started getting good with my time. And, um, you know, and now from time to time I'll still pull it out to time certain things in my life, but in general now I'm good with my time. And so, um, I, I don't do that as a daily practice anymore. But for anyone that's not good with their time, I would definitely recommend that you get a stopwatch and you try this as an example. Try it for a week and see what your week starts looking like.

Well, yeah, because there's a lot of wasted time we don't realize for sure. I have a colleague that he's got those little egg timer electronic ones and he carries them with him everywhere., and, and all of his meetings are on a timer, like, and, and the segment— the meetings are segmented, like, okay, we're going to talk about this for 10 minutes and then we're done. We're going to come with the solution and move on. And, uh, I've always thought it was kind of quirky, but you know what, I can't argue with his results. And, um, I, I, I think it's, uh, I, I think it's very true. We're not intentional enough with our time. Um, that's certainly my case. Yep. So, uh, let, let me pivot to a final topic. Talk, talk about your, uh, community, who you surround yourself with, who you, uh, have as mentor or coaches, or, uh, for you yourself, uh, just what, what, what does your community look like?

Uh, it's a little bit all over in the sense that, like, I try to have people that are in the you know, I have a bunch of people in the entertainment industry because I've, you know, spent so many of my years in entertainment. I honestly just try to make friends and relationships that have nothing to do with my work or my job as well, just to have good healthy friends. Um, I meet a lot of my good friends from church. I, over the years, have be— I've been part of lots of different sorts of organizations where I'll meet people. Um, so I think I don't limit it to one sort of thing other than like I want to make sure it's healthy healthy, you know. I want healthy people in my life, um, you know, uh, so, so I think it's, it's about being intentional. And like every year it's about looking at like, well, where do I make more— where could I start making some more interesting or, or inspiring friends? I've met a lot of my friends at like conferences or like at sort of self-help workshops or, um, programs, you know. I did this one thing one year, it's called the Millionaire Mindset. It was Warrior Camp, and it was a camp that for one week we learned to face every fear we had in our life. And so I find that I love going to workshops or things I could learn. Sometimes I'll even look at— I'll look at the newspaper and be like, oh, there's a real estate workshop this weekend. I'm going to head down there for the weekend and just, you know, go listen to a couple of people talk and, you know, I'll make friends that way. So, I mean, honestly, it's hard to keep up with the amount of relationships over the years that I've built, you know, because, you know, I'm married, I have a kid, and it's— you need to find a way to balance your personal life and your work life. And I love to travel, so I meet friends traveling. I have an Airbnb down in Mexico. I went down there about 2 weeks ago and I just took a week to just— and I went on that trip by myself. I just wanted to make sure that I had some time to me where I worked on projects that were inspiring to me. And I love this family farm that we've had in our family for over 125 years. So, it's just finding a way to balance your time with the relationships you have in your life.

Do you have what I would call a peer group, a mastermind group? Something like that, that I've been in many of those over the years.

I'm actually starting, um, another mastermind group myself, uh, in the next 2 or 3 months that I'm kind of launching. It's my Monday Night Mastermind. It's going to be a once a month sort of, uh, connection. Um, but yeah, I— it depends on kind of what I have going on each year. Some years I'm part of one, some years I'm not, and I'm doing other stuff. So it's but I'm always learning, you know, I've always, you know, hired a therapist so that I have someone that I'm working with sometimes, or a business coach is coaching me in a certain domain. So, I tend to do that every quarter and working with someone else where I'm learning some new skill or I think that's— you got to make sure that you're putting a percentage of your income into learning and growing every year.

I agree. I just joined my first mastermind after being in business for 28 years. I've been in a lot of peer organizations that weren't masterminds, but the gentleman that's running it is, you know, maybe 60. And he said, I've been in a mastermind for 25 years. And he said, I'd never not be in one. Like, I always want to be in a mastermind. And I don't think it has to be mastermind. I don't think it has to be necessarily a therapist or a coach or a peer group. But I think the importance of doing entrepreneur life together is critical. Like, you don't— it's way too easy to get isolated. Yep. And get trapped in your own head. Yep. And it can be a dark place sometimes, and it can be a desperate place sometimes. It has for me.

Yeah, yeah. You know, there was a group that I was a part of. This was more in my 20s. Um, it was called, um, Soul Purpose, and it was 5 of us that became best friends. And, uh, so for 2 years, every year, every day of our life, we'd get on this one phone call. We'd do a conference call phone call, and, uh, it would force you to get out of bed. And each day we'd talk about what miracles we are creating in our life that day.. And you know, there were days that you didn't want to get on this group, but you know what? You knew, right? You knew you had to. So, because you had 4 other people like that were holding you accountable to be on this call. And no matter where we were in the world, we would always get on this call Monday through Friday. And we did it for 2 years. And then once a month we would actually go to one of our, one of our homes and have dinner or a meal together. And it was really a great way to thrive and just have accountability in your life. And, you know, there's many ups and downs to life. So you need to have peers and friends that you kind of do life with that can kind of, you know, celebrate your wins and also, you know, help you grieve in your sorrows. So I think that is a critical thing that people should be doing to have some balance in their life.

Yes, very important. I mean, I wouldn't try to raw dog it by myself. Nelson, how do people find you and learn more about what you do and, you know, potentially working with you.

Yeah, if they can connect on my socials, which my Instagram, which is @nelsonparedesparks, or reach out through Help and Answers. Helpandanswers.com is the website and send me an email or on my LinkedIn. And, you know, I'd be happy to chat with anyone that would just like to know how they can partner up with either my Help and Answers brand, my ESI Network talent management company I've had for over 30 years. Um, but thank you so much, Christian, for having me, um, on your podcast today. I enjoyed speaking with you.

Well, I appreciate your candor and, and your sharing, uh, and listeners will have those links in the show notes. If you like what you've heard, please rate the podcast, share the podcast, subscribe to the podcast. Until next time, remember, you are not alone.