Beyond the Change Myth: The Neuroscience Behind the 3 Brains Approach to Real Transformation

Recording. We're on. Recording is in. My Jenny just enters in the last second. Beyond the Change Myth. And if I sometimes do this, it's because people are still joining. So unveiling the neuroscience behind the 3 brains approach to real transformation. Welcome to you all and your enthusiasm to learn, to see, to become aware of new things. That's at least my assumption that you are there for that, to learn something new, to make your own life and your coaching life, your client's life better. And that's also my intention. So we hear a slideshow. Um, let's see. I do stop share for a moment just to see if I do a good share. Share if it works as I want. Yes, it works as I want. So there we are. You can now see my screen. You can see everything. My chat is open and the participants are open. So if somebody comes in, I can still see it. So welcome all around the world. I could have played the song All Around the World, but that's different. And I saw some questions. How can we change ourselves? How can we motivate others to change the world for better? Esther, I would say I really, really love your question because that's really my deep intention. How can we make this world a better place? As I said already, I'm from the Netherlands. And what can I bring to you for this? They had this little tilting. I'm an MCC coach, supervisor, and mentor. So if you still need some mentor hours, I can save you. Founder of the Three Brains Intelligence, also from the Three Brain Coach Certification Training that's connected with it. I'm a clinical psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, NLP master, and Reiki master. So the moment— and I only see ladies, so I say ladies— the moment I say, please close your eyes, as a clinical hypnotherapist, please open them. Because before you know, you're getting in a beautiful trance state to think, oh, this is amazing. I'm a visiting professor at the business school here in Madrid and in Georgetown University. And although you don't see it, that's what my mom always said. Um, 30 years of experience in coaching, training, and therapy. I lived in Australia, emigrated to Australia, lived there 9 years. So I worked also in that area, lived in the Netherlands, live now in Spain. And I could say almost every continent I visited to deliver training. And in my 3-Brain Coach certification training, I now have 42 countries where coaches joined the training from. So I'm extremely proud on that one. Wrote 2 books about it. And you can see it's about relationships. Uh, why is that? Because just like Esther asked and said actually about change, I love to make this world a better place for my kids, your kids, And that we could leave this world a little bit better behind than we found it. New book is coming up, Three Brain Leader, Activate Your Heart, and that will be somewhere this year. Hey, Christopher, and somebody who has almost the same name as me. As long as I say in English, what's my name? I say Christopher. Christopher. So that's what I can bring to you. So what are we going to do? Just 4 things. Challenge conventional wisdom. Why actually are we barking up the wrong tree? And all those beautiful gurus and all the kind of people who say you how to change, do with all respect, still are selling old cheese. Uh, this, we put a little bit science there that, you know, I'm not talking metaphorically about 3 brains, but it's really true. Some practical insights, actionable insights. How it is. Uh, one question for you. As you became aware, I'm the founder of 3 Brains Intelligence. I came aware of 3 Brains Intelligence more than 10 years ago. The last 8 years, I really embedded it in my trainings. First in Australia as a therapy training, 5 years, 4 or 5 years ago as a coaching training. So I can tell you, and people know me can admit that I can talk 5 days about this, even 10 days. That will not happen in this hour, even if I start talking extremely quick. So if you have questions, what you really like to get out of it, please raise your hand and unmute yourself. Say, Chris, stop, stop, stop right here. I have a question. Bring the best for you. And for all the introverts who say, ooh, to speak out so loud in a group, that is maybe hard. You can have my presentation. If you did the 3 brain preference test, you also come aware that there is a 15-minute feedback session. You can always email me or make an appointment with me. And my passion is that you get the best out of it. Make your clients the best. Let's get toxic leadership out of this world. Let's get crazy partners out of this world. Let's make this world a better place. If I can help you to do so, more than willing to do so. So why did I have such strong statements, conventional wisdom and all those kind of stuff. In the market last year, the corporate world spent, say, $170,000 million on development of their people globally. $170,000 million. Just imagine how much that is and how much you get from that. And actually, how amazingly you could raise your fees if you see how much they pay. Anyhow, with all jokes, You would expect it has massive impact, isn't it? That would have massive impact. Now look at actually how people are motivated in companies. The Gallup organization. Yes, if you cannot read it, I can, I can help you out. I see you doing with your glasses going to your screen from what the— it's so small. Globally, 23%, 23% of the work population is engaged. In the best practice companies, 70%. And if you look about, this is a 20-year scale and went from now, say, 60 to 70. And from now, you could say something like 16 to 23. So one optimist would say, wow, we raised more than 10%, Chris, that's amazing. The more critical would say, okay, we raised 10%, but we're still on 1 out of 4 globally and 7 out of 10 in the best practice organizations. Who of you loves sport or likes sport? Thanks, Alison. I also love— oh, not a lot of sport enthusiasts. Okay, why I use sport here, because sport is a beautiful metaphor in how things work. because you see a direct result. If the coach changes the team, you see right away a change in what's happening. Do with all respect, in leadership you can hide your incompetence for years. In sports teams, you cannot. But just imagine you have a sports team, let's call, say, soccer or football, whatever you call it. I'm calling it football as being Dutch. And you have 11 people in the field. And seven of them are really motivated. Yes, okay. Yeah, that's a good thing. I will do a stop share and I make it different. Okay, I will do it like this. No, there's still portion of screen. I put myself there and then I go. Where's my slide deck? Where's my slide deck? Where's my slide deck? There. So now you can see it probably extremely huge. Now you're all happy. Okay, that's good. I love to make you happy. Thanks for, for asking. So if your sports team has 7 of the 10 people engaged and 3 of them are not engaged, will you win the game? Probably not. So in every sports team, this is, these are, these figures are unacceptable because you will not win a game, but they are acceptable in companies. So in my opinion, we need another approach because if it can happen in sports teams, then it can also happen in companies. We just have to change our approach, something. So let's go on with that part. And now just throw some numbers in there, actually, how good we are. It talks about success rate. Success rate is something— how good is the change after half a year or 1 year? So not how happy you are after a session, but after half a year, 1 year, did you really implement what you decided? I just throw them all in. If you go with McKinsey, Boston Consulting Group, Bain, and all those kind of companies, max of 41% in culture change projects. Psychology, 1 out of 3 success. Coaching, 55% success. Repetition, I come back to that later, has an 8% success rate. Clinical hypnotherapy, what I also did, 65%. But by the way, ladies and Christopher, I don't see the rest of the people, so that's why I say it like this. Say you would go to a dentist, your average dentist, and you would say, you know, and you just— one of your fillings has to be replaced. And you ask, hey, by the way, what's success rate in changing fillings, dear dentist? And the dentist says, oh, I have a really good success rate. I have 41% success rate in changing a filling. Would you go to that dentist, Maggie Yagosa? And I see Alice normally. No. Why is it then acceptable for one of the most expensive consulting companies like McKinsey or Bain or consulting? Because do you know what they charge for a day of one consultant easily to up to five thousand dollars? I don't know how your fee is, but that's what they ask, or what they and probably also get paid. Your dentist is cheaper, by the way. So we expect from some professionals a 99% or higher success rate, from your dentist as an example. But we find it somewhere totally acceptable that for soft skill change, it's one-third. Is soft skill now really so much more difficult than a hard skill? Like filling a tooth is a hard skill. You could say based on these numbers, it is. Uh, yes, it's interesting. Coaching has a higher success rate. Why is that, Heather? I, I did my research in that because, um, they have, say, less serious topics. If you go to a, uh, a psychologist or to clinical hypnotherapy, you have, say, really a belief change, trauma, mental issues. If you are depressed, you don't go to a coach, you go mostly to a therapist. So they see more difficult topics. Having said that, the number, if according to the last ICF research, that our clients are also asking when they have anxiety, depression, or kind of slightly mental issues to help them, help them with, is rising. And so that's the answer I received, Heather, from my research. And because the other question and the other answer, Heather, is because we're just freaking amazing as coaches. We're just better than the rest, but don't tell anybody.

Okay.

Now just a little bit reflection. Does it make sense? Is it logical to have these kind of behaviors? And maybe just check by yourself, your clients, who has them. Procrastination. Who has clients who procrastinate? Or maybe you procrastinate. Oh, Silke is saying, oh yes, she's even sitting in nature. She procrastinated to come home. Kidding, Silke. Eating unhealthy. No, we don't do that. No, no, no, we, we don't. Only everybody outside this room. Sleeping issues, not falling asleep, waking up, have Oh, I see Bayer going down. Oh, Bayer is having that anxiety or depression kind of related overthinking, setting boundaries or saying no, you know, the pleasing kind of topic, getting more clients or increase your price. That's fun. I don't know how it's with you, but based on inflation after COVID, something prices went up on average 35% at least. Did you increase your fees at least 35% the last years? Who did? Am I the only one? By the way, you know how smart it is. You have the same number of clients, you earn much more. But do you see, did you see around you? Nobody raised their hand. Well, it's normal if you go to, I don't know what kind of grocery store you go and they just increase the prices. They first blame COVID, then Ukraine, then the, the, the, the, the, the stopping trading. Now they blame all the trading wars. Everybody increases the price. They never go down, and we don't. By the way, your clients also have absolute at least a 20% salary raise already in the last 4 or 5 years. So if you didn't, why don't you ask for it? Or not showing empathy. Those, of course, are our clients. We coach. They don't show empathy. Depression or anxieties. I think we all, one of those, we hit them once or did them once. And probably we saw also clients with those. But do they make sense to have them, to do them? Maybe once for half an hour, it makes sense. But that's, that's all. So if they're not logical, Then still, why do we do them? Or you could also ask, who's inside us is in charge of these bad decision-making moments? Who's making that decision to procrastinate? Who's making the decision inside you that you go to bed and think, I'm going to have a good night's sleep, and you cannot sleep? Who's making the decision inside you? Something inside you and not— yes. Yes, and most times it's your gut or your heart. Depends what kind of topic it is. And how does regret work connected with this? Who of you have sometimes made a decision? And I'm the first one to raise my hand in this one. Ask yourself, why didn't I think about this? I right away raised my hand for this one. My learning curve in this one is slow. But so many times I thought, oh, I should have waited at least one day, or maybe I should have waited even a week with deciding that. I did this, uh, when COVID hit and I sold, say, my, uh, shares. And one week later, I really had something like, why on heaven's earth did I decide to do so? Because after they went up, I, I sold them on the lowest moment. Why didn't I think it through? Or why did I not, when did I not follow my heart in this decision? Why didn't I follow my passion? Or why did I not listen to my gut feeling? And now the other question, how many times did you put this in a statement or advice and said it to your friends or colleagues? Why don't you just follow your heart when one of your friends asks about relationship? Or why don't you just follow your gut feeling when people ask you, what should I do or not do? I think we all did it, is it not? We asked this question or asked this question ourselves or gave this advice. So then now a question. If you give somebody that advice, which criteria are used for making a decision? When you say to somebody, now, when you think about it, it makes sense, it's logical, pros and cons. But when you say follow your heart, What kind of criteria did you advise the person to make a decision on? What are the criteria? Does somebody know? If you put it midnight here, we have to leave. Sorry, you watch recording later, Laura. Okay, that's okay. By the way, Laura, if you're not, if you're still here after these 2 seconds on Friday, I have a session at, I think, my 10 o'clock in the morning. Then it's, you're still late. Emotions. Yes, Christopher, you're right, emotions. But who's in charge of the emotions and what kind of emotions? Hate, happiness, excitement, hungry, lust, love, compassion, hate. What are the criteria? Or maybe all of them. The same if you listen to your gut feeling. What are the criteria if you say to somebody, follow your gut feeling? And is it not interesting that we— and I point to myself first, otherwise you have something that, hey, stop blaming Chris, being aligned, Silke, you're so right— that we gave this advice so many times and actually we don't know what kind of criteria we advise somebody to choose from. Just follow your heart, just follow your gut. And you will come aware it has massive different implications if you say this to somebody, or if you do it for yourself. Yes, and see, look at that ultimate solution is alignment. All three of them. That makes sense. So are we embarking up the wrong tree based on this? I would say yes, because our beautiful fuzzy hair Albert Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping on a different result. And he also said, a problem can only be solved or cannot be solved from the same consciousness that created it. We need some new insights, what is sometimes so-called creativity, look from a different angle. And there actually is 3 brains giving you an answer. So let's first step back and let's go to the science. Do we really have 3 brains? Because I talk about it like it is true. Am I right or am I wrong? Am I just now selling air and making it scientifically proven? Actually, no. In the old days, we spoke about that we had the reptilian brain, an emotional brain, and a human logical brain. I can ask who does still do that? And of course, nobody dares now to raise their hand because they think, yeah, I'm not going to make a fool of myself. Good on you, Ganata. Love your honesty. Because scientifically, this is bullock, Ganata. Scientifically, it's proven it's not true. They came aware, and that is also thanks to Lisa Barrett Feldman and Michael Gershwin, that in the DNA, even a crocodile has the setup to make a limbic brain and neocortex brain. It doesn't mean they have it as beautiful as us, otherwise Jurassic Park is life, but they have the ability to. So if they have the ability, that means a reptilian brain is actually the total brain. And if the reptilian brain is the total brain, then how could we connect the limbic brain, the neocortex brain? Because in the old stories it was First with reptilian brain, evolution later on created the limbic brain, and later on created the neocortex brain. That's how we made it somewhere. Hmm, interesting. Now, to make you get rid of the science for a moment, let's, let's go to logic. Like we in Holland say, let's just look at it from a logical point of view. If you get wet, it rains. So this is a living creature in the sea. You know, that salty water outside. It's still alive. And the most important— not the most important question, because the important, most important question was later. An important question is, what kind of animal is— oh, what kind of living creature is this? That I ask it is that I love that you never forget this little teaching when we talk about 3 brains. You can put it in the chat. You can speak it out loud. You can just start brainstorming. What kind of living creature is this? It lives in the sea. And to keep the speed aligned, you can find it sometimes as Tiffany. You're freaking amazing. Awesome. And Christopher also. Oh wow, we have an extremely smart group here, people. That is amazing. Or they are biologists or something. I have a marine biology degree. Haha, Tiffany. Okay. Okay, then now I have to be careful because Tiffany is an expert, so I have to be careful. But Tiffany knows the answer. This is a sea cucumber. Tiffany, what is this living creature, the sea cucumber, not having that we humans have besides arms and legs or all the rest? What is it missing? Yes, it missed the brain. Bella, so right, no brain. What is it missing more? Yes, Bea is also smart. A heart. So now, now, once the— besides my excitement, and Tiffany already knew, so Tiffany, thank you not spoiling right away all the answers for everybody. So living creatures exist already for 500 million years, and they can live without a heart or without a head. What does that mean actually? Because this little creature can reproduce, otherwise we would not have them now. They can find food. They have an immune system. They can fight off predators by releasing ink sometimes or poison, or can walk away on their little tube feet, and they can actually find food. They can do everything to survive and to live. So If this is started 500 million years ago like this, what does it mean for us? Could this living creature somewhere be part of us? And then these are actually from there, uh, till a part I will not show you on video. Could it be that we have, say, that still in us and we created something extra outside in evolution. Tiffany can say yes or no to that because she has marine biology. The answer is actually yes. So we all started from this. Even every cell in your body, every cell is a digestive system, you could say. Every living entity has to get nutrition in and disposes waste material. Every one-cell micro Living entity, nutrition goes in, waste material goes out, and that's for every cell in your body. So we came along from a digestive system. If you now think about it, and we still have a digestive system inside us, and a digestive system can make decisions to reproduce and with whom to reproduce, by the way, because the sea cucumber does not jump on an on a shark. To make little babies, and sea cucumber knows I have to reproduce with little sea cucumbers. Bye bye, Esther. See you later. Love. It was great you were here.

Yes.

Survival depends on nutrition, though evolution gut intelligence has been passed down through their higher organisms as well. Absolutely, because where's our Immune system still located mostly. Where's our immune system? That's your gut, with your gut microbes, everything. Everybody knows somewhere nowadays your immune system is totally located for most of it in your gut system. So we have all the knowledge of that sea cucumber inside us. And the beauty is actually neuro— Michael Gershwin came aware that your— that sea cucumber inside us is actually an independent entity and really a stubborn little bugger who can make independent decisions. Even if you would cut the central nerve cord, you break your spine, your gut system can still operate. And we're not going to do it for a test, but just believe me, there are some beautiful videos about that. But they do as guinea pigs. So we started from the gut. The gut is a brain. Then where does the heart step in? Now, as I said, the gut can live independently. But now, question, does a little sea cucumber, does it have friends?

Nope.

It's a rather egocentric living creature. Like the average president or the average CEO. Of course, that's not totally true, but they have some resemblance. So the heart stepped in because we are social animals. When we are born, let's say a zebra or a giraffe, whatever animal you like to say, can walk up, can stand up and walk in half an hour and can run away from a predator. How long did we take for that? Allison, did it also take you half an hour to get up and walk away and run away from your daddy or mommy if they wanted to chase you? Or did it take more time? Renata's already laughing. No, one second, Renata. I love you. You're amazing in your answers. No, it takes us something like 5 to 11 years to really— yeah, one year before we can stand up. Before you can outrun somebody, it takes at least 5 to 11 years. Outrun an adult takes at least 11 years. Being independent, it takes at least 7 years if you have really survival chances or living by yourself on the street. So our survival, our survival as human beings is extremely important for connecting and bonding. If your parents or caregivers don't love you, you have an issue. So bonding had to be somewhere also hardwired in us. The gut brain does not have that. Hence the heart stepped in. Because if you look about what it does and how it communicates, the gut has all the neurotransmitters to keep us alive. I will not go through all of them, but there's a massive list. It does everything to keep you alive. It can signal all the neurotransmitters that make you action, to learn, to relax, to give you more energy, to feel you happy, to feel you relaxed, everything. Only one is missing, and it is to bond. The gut brain does not have the neurotransmitter to bond or to love. What's the neurotransmitter for love or bonding? Does anybody know the neurotransmitter for that? Oxytocin. We have a biologist here, so I assume yes. What's the neurotransmitter that makes you? Becca, even before I finish my sentence, high ten for you. Oxytocin. Where's oxytocin released from or synthesized from? Bam bam bam bam. The heart and the pineal gland. The heart synthesizes serotonin, just like the head does. The heart can right away send it into the bloodstream, so you feel a huge flush of love. What every mom, when they give birth to a child, will experience. So the heart was introduced to connect bonding in there, to connect to love. So they have separate functions based on the neurotransmitters. So based on that, we can actually start thinking Okay, let's now go to coaching because we're not marine biologists like Rebecca or like Tiffany. How can we bring this to the coaching world and to our clients? How can we translate this in our language? Knowing that all brains can learn, remember, feel, and sense and make independent decisions. If you don't believe me, who of you ever fell for the bad girl or the bad girl or bad boy? Who fell in love with the bad girl or bad boy? Ah, Chris, I think it's a name, Christopher, because we've both raised our hands. So if we fell for the bad girl or the bad boy, then who made the decision? Yes, your heart. Did you ever have, say, a panicky feeling when you stepped into an elevator in a plane or when you saw a something in a dark alley. Who's in charge? Your gut. Yes, it can make decisions independently. So if you now, let's bring it to the coaching world. What is the responsibility and communication kinds of styles our 3 brains have? Your gut brain, that's the little thing there, has as a strategy, me first, to establish personal success and safety, just like the sea cucumber. How do we notice them? Say, how do we notice them? In sensations. I will not say emotions, Christopher, because emotion is actually translation of a sensation we have. If you would ask, how do you feel love? What is an emotion? But then people would respond in different kinds of bodily sensations. How do we notice the gut? You feel more trust, more relaxation, fear, anger, rage, lust, desire, hunger, or disgust. Those are sensations actually you come somewhere aware of. It's not totally the sensation because you could actually sensation also bodily feeling. I did not describe all the bodily feelings here, otherwise it become a huge list. These are already interpretations, but they are wider universal, these interpretations. Hey, hunger you feel in your stomach when your stomach crunches. The heart brain, hey, they lock in together. That was not the love you and me first. Strategy to stay connected. How do you feel them? Love, compassion, persuasiveness, influence, hate differences, guilt, shame. It also has the values of good and wrong. The head brain, that is the me first, also because it likes that you go first, analyze, understand, and create the right prediction. There's now one extremely important thing for when we coach, and it is a beautiful capital word here. Time, time. What do I mean with this? Where or which brain is the only brain that knows tomorrow and yesterday? That's your beautiful head. Only here we know what is next week and last week. Your heart and your gut are almost like the average dog or cat. Try to explain your dog that it's going to, that you're going to have a walk with it tomorrow. It will not understand it. So your gut and heart always makes decisions in the now. Otherwise, obesity would not exist. If we only would choose with here, we would not be obese. We would always eat healthy. But we don't do that. So this is what you can come aware because we— so which criteria do you then follow? Which criteria do you follow when you follow your dominant brain? I was now thinking, hey, wow, that's a difficult question. 2 follows in there. So when we spoke about criteria, if you say to somebody, follow your gut, what you actually say, go for achievements and winning, go for getting it. The strategy means Me first and be egocentric as pitfall. Go for it. What's the allergy when you also give that vulnerability and losing? So if you let people really be in their gut system, they will be less vulnerable and they will have an allergy for losing. Why less vulnerable? Because vulnerable means that you depend on somebody else. And if a sea cucumber would depend on somebody else for his or her food, it would die. Criteria from the gut, connecting and empathy. So you say to them, connect with them, show empathy. For us coaches, amazing. It also means us first, you and me first, and sometimes self-sacrifice too. What I mean with self-sacrifice, maybe you know it, your client calls you or WhatsApps you on Saturday. When do you give a response? On Monday? And you, and you keep your weekend there, or do you respond right away? 99% of the coaches will respond right away on Saturday. Why? Because we love to help our clients. Most people have a dominant heart brain, will be exhausted at the end of the day because they gave their energy away to everybody. What's the allergy? Confrontation and rejection. You can make them more feel at ease to have the hard talks or to be rejected. What is the head? Cause and effect analysis, right prediction. It loves to procrastinate because it loves to give you the right prediction. It likes to do pros and cons. It likes to do what will happen tomorrow if I did that? What are the consequences? How will it affect me? That could keep you awake, Bea, if you start thinking about it sometimes. But it starts keeping you awake, those thoughts, because your heart or God's actually giving that instruction. I'm not happy with what I have to do tomorrow. Dear head, give me a right prediction. How can I solve all the ambiguity of tomorrow? Your head starts running like crazy during the night, but it will never give an answer because tomorrow is not, is a fact as tomorrow, but you don't know what will happen tomorrow. And the same for the past. Why didn't they do that? Strategy, perfect answer and procrastination. What is the allergy? Guessing and mistakes. So when you coach people, you can see these kinds of traits. Now, what is now the issue? When you think about change, when you think about decision-making, when you think about why your clients so much get stuck, is that the strategy is different. If you say to somebody, follow your heart, follow your gut, follow your head, you get different kind of strategies, different kind of solutions. So if you coach somebody and ask somebody, make your to-do list, 9 out of 10, it comes out of the head and this is the answer. That means these are not taken care of, 9 out of 10, and it stops somewhere, the change. What stops change more? Actually, how we, uh, enjoy, uh, go for fun, or if we go for pain. If you follow pain as a choice, then your head will step into the aircraft pilot and will follow all the structures. It's a logical survivor. What are the structures? What's the steps? What is actually the structure? What are the procedures? If it goes for pleasure, It will give you a whole list of things you can do, like a logical engineer. What could you create? What's the source of decision-making? They're conscious cause and effect, memories, stories, and facts. If you think about the heart, it's a social survivor. It will become the pleaser. The pleasure is still pleasing, but then in the waiter kind of thing. It will take care of himself, but also for the others. How can I help you? The source of decision-making, it's subconscious memories based on beliefs and values of fairness, bonding, and rejection. As I said, no time, it's always based on the now. So when they make a decision, they don't think how will it affect next week or the week after. They react, how will it happen now? For the gut, the same personal survival. They become a Terminator. Personal gain, satisfaction, pleasure, Olympic sporter.

Yeah.

We do something what we really like to do. And it's also subconscious memories, but there's experience and beliefs from winning and losing. So what are the experience or beliefs I have that make me win or that prevent me from losing? And based on that, they somewhere make the decisions. And the beauty is these ones, because they're subconscious, they're harder to get somewhere in the surface for the client.

Okay.

If you have one second, I turn off my, uh, beautiful iPod who thought I will turn on by itself. The beauty of artificial intelligence that your devices start thinking that they have to answer sometimes when you talk to them. And there you see also again an issue. How do we really create those kind of changes? Now, when you go further, let's do a little experiment. And I see, you can see I'm a little dyslexic. I have a typing error there. Now I see it. It's always too late when you see it. Anyhow, this is a situation and it gives you right away an explanation of that theory we did before, how easy change can be done. So just imagine for a moment you're the boss or manager of a little team of 10 people. The company is making a severe loss, urgent need for taking action, and the board decides actually that half of the employee staff should be made redundant in the company. That means for you, 5 of your 10 employees have to be made redundant. Urgent need, severe loss. And they thought, let's not do it via Twitter or X, this process. Let's give you some help and some advices. So they say to you, you know, it's totally okay if you let go of the 5 older employees. By the way, it's the best for production. The job is physical based on their age. By the way, they'll Probably never find a job again. Severe effect on their income and finances. But if you like to choose for it, it's okay. By the way, you can also let go of the 5 younger employees when you really think that's the best. Probably based on their age and the job market, they will find a job easily. So in the end, everybody is employed. They also give you the option of LIFO, last in first out. It's not age-related. And if you do a look, 5 employees have been working more than 15 years for your company and actually for you. 5 entered the last 2 years. If you would do this, those last 5 disappear. You have 3 older and 2 younger employees in your team. The last option they give to say no, or think it over and maybe discuss it with your team. What's a better idea? Now, what is your choice out of these 4? Don't think about labor law, countries, and all those kinds of things. All the 4 are possible. What would you choose? And please put it in the chat. That's fun. You know, it's a funny part, and I was looking for the little paper where I wrote down your answer, actually, because The answers we see, except Malin, is what we expect always. 90%—

oh, sorry—

90% of the heart and head brain dominant people will choose for CRD. You're all coaches. Most of you have a dominant heart or head brain, and they choose for C or D. Only gut brain dominant people, really from gut brain dominant people. So say I would do this for people who work on the stock exchange, they will say A. This is not— your answer is not important, but I love it that it is so consistent. Bailing always at the 5 younger employees. So now Just follow me for one second. Read these three words: The company makes a severe loss. Urgent need to take action. You understand that sentence? Severe loss. Urgent need to take action. Let go of the five older employees is the best choice for production. So probably also for finance. So what is actually based on this case the logical best solution? It's A. Now the question for you, and this is the most important one. This is the most important one. How easily can you now support option A? Elizabeth is still saying no nonverbally. Elizabeth, really amazing, your nonverbal communication, because this is why change is so hard. This is why your clients don't change, not for you, Elizabeth, for all of us. So you're all coaches. We are the profession that does the most self-development. We go to all these courses. You are here. You learn so much. And even if I just give you a simple thing to change your mind, you're not willing to do so. Mm-hmm. And of course, I, I make it— and this is why change is hard, because what is stopping you? Is the logic stopping you? No, the logic is good. What is stopping you? Your values, your beliefs. Yes, your heart, Elizabeth. Is it allowed to say I love you, Elizabeth? I love your honesty. I love your expression in that part. It's great how you do that because your heart is now in the way. So just imagine you coach now somebody and the piece of yeah, yeah, you know, I walk away with my. Checklist. I will sack the five older employees. The next day, he's sitting there thinking, "I cannot say to the old guys you're going to leave. My heart doesn't allow me." There goes your coaching. If we have an issue with change, all your clients have the same issue. Your habits, your beliefs, your heart, your gut is in the way. So if you don't coach that, what will happen, Mr. Change?

Nada.

The same as we have now. I have a non-changing coaching group. All these beautiful experienced coaches, all these smartasses who do so much self-development are not willing to change based on my beautiful logical explanation. Of course, I make jokes about it, but I like that you that if you really take this away, I just experienced. Physically inside myself, our heart changes. Even though the logic says yes, I still say no. How do you change on that? One little step, actually. Also, biology is stopping change. So now we had already habits, beliefs, and your beautiful heart is stopping it. How is also your evolutionary biology not really willing for change. So we have multiple factors inside ourselves that stop change. And this is an easy one. This is the most famous picture that we use in training, coaching. And I see Maria goes already nodding her head, so she knows what it is. So what do we see here? Old lady, young lady.

You.

Okay, now you stepped in my trap. Thank you so much. Now you proved again why change is so hard. Because how much time did you look at this picture to make your decision? Less than 1 second. You thought, oh, I know this, thus it means B. I see this, I know it, boom. And all the critical thinking goes out of the way. There is no second thought anymore. This is what Daniel Kahneman describes in his book Thinking Fast and Slow. Thinking fast. No critical thought. And this is biology because our 3 brains, chook, chook, chook, take more than 40% of your daily energy. So you have 60% left for all your other things: shopping, talking to clients, pleasing your partner, raising your kids, kicking your ass off your partner that they did not clean the house. All those kind of little things you have to do. Checking your kids that they finally clean up the room and all the kind of things. Washing laundry, cooking. I don't know whatever thing we do because we are amazing. So what is your biology saying? We don't waste energy. We only use energy when it's really, really, really needed. And these are high-consumed activities. So we only start really thinking. Or changing our three brains when it's really, really, really needed. Just imagine now, eh, Maria Rosa. There was two, two, two ladies in here, eh, Maria Rosa, because she nodded so hard. So, Maria Rosa, just imagine I would give you a €100,000 if you find two birds within ten seconds. What would you do? Bea is already. I'm in. Why did you ask me, Rosa? Let me do it. Too fast. Too fast. But there's one minute. Or I would say, um, by the way, um, if you don't do it, you're sent back to your room and you don't get food for 2 days. There would be in both cases an urgent desire or need to start finding it. And then you would put interest in finding the 2 birds. Because what I actually said is true. There are 2 birds in this picture. Where are the 2 birds? And you don't get €100,000 and you don't, and you still get food tonight, no worries. So the motivation is just curiosity. And now you become aware what's happening. Are you doing it? Are you really going to search for it to think, where are the 2 birds? Or do you think, Christoffel probably will give the answer shortly, so why would I even bother? He did it with the sea cucumber. He will now do it again, and he just stopped looking for it, or actually say no. Why border? That there are two birds. Ah, but Beatrice, beak is the mouth. Absolutely. So first give the answer. This beak, or this mouth, is the beak of the bird. This is the head.

I'm a head.

And then this is the wing. So do you see it? It needs some creativity. Mary Rose is still in doubt. So this is the beak of the bird. It's a blackbird. Little small beak. This is the head. You just really have to focus on the head and then you see it. Yes, I can see it, Renate. Awesome. But it took time. It took energy, isn't it? This takes energy to learn. And by the way, the other one is— did you already— somebody already found it? Where's the other one? No. Okay, I'll help you. It's something like a hunting bird. This is the— yes, the heart. Beatrice is really creative. Awesome. This is the eye. And this is the beak. Now you could say it needs creativity. Yeah, I see Bea nonverbally.

Oh.

Yeah, good. So why this craziness again? Because you come aware that if there's no huge need or a huge reward, you don't do it. You just give up. And this is our biology saying, don't waste energy on something totally useless. So that stops change. So all your clients and you and me will stop doing something when they don't feel that huge reward. Or the huge urgency, then we'll just say I don't do it because learning takes a lot of energy. So we use always the law of association. Oh, I know this picture. It's this. Oh, I know this. Oh, it's that. How many clients did you not have who said, oh, I already tried that once, didn't work? Do you have? I see Elizabeth also has those clients. Oh, we are blessed with those. No, we did already, Elizabeth. Nah, didn't work. Boom! This is actually law of association. It's not that they don't like to change, but this is the least energy-wise answer. Because if they say, Elizabeth, I tried it once, didn't work. Please explain to me how can I do it? And I'm willing to put a massive amount of effort in there. Now they have to convince their 3 brains this is worth doing the energy. And it will not happen. Knowing what to do does not mean we do it. Last but not least, I spoke about repetition because that's the worst advice you can give to a client almost, unless it's a gold medal winner in Olympics, because for repetition you need a massive amount of discipline. And discipline again is connected with that energy waste because repetition means a lot of energy. And if there's no huge desire, huge need, or huge reward, it will not happen. So research shows you have to do half an hour repetition if you really learn something new. Say, let's get rid of a habit. You have to do it for 21 to 36 days on a row. If not, you lose it. Based on massive research, within 2 weeks, 90% stops. Hence, therefore, the 8% of success rate. Who is actually repetition invented for? For that little person in this picture. And why is that? Now just imagine how many times does a little child need to stand up after it fell down to learn really to stand? How many times do you think it had to fall down, or he or she had to fall down? 10 times? 20 times? 100 times? 500 times? 1,000 times? On average, it's now Brittany. I don't know how you were, but according to my sis, it took me at least a thousand times. If you could stand up in one go, then probably learned to walk when you were four years old. I think one a baby falls down. I'll put it in there a thousand times on average before it can is able to stand really to stand. Independently on his 2 legs. 1,000 times. For learning really to walk like we walk, it takes at least 3,000 times. So now us. Who of you is willing to exercise 1,000 times to learn something? I see Silke laughing and said, nah, not me. Don't count me in. No, we're not. Why not? Because we are aware of it. We do cause and effect analysis. I already tried it 50 times. Probably I'll never learn it. Why should I even do 51? A little baby does not have that awareness. I will for music. Oh yes, Elizabeth, that's discipline, but it's also a real passion is connected with it. You need a grand, grand, grand motivation. You need really the Your heart in it, your love in it, and then also your gut in it to put you all that energy in there. Otherwise, it will not happen. Yeah. A ballet dancer dances exercises six hours a day. A massive top sporter does the same six hours a day. You need a massive passion and massive love to do so. You need almost a love for your own kids, for your own hobby to learn it.

Likewise.

So we don't do it. So repetition is one of the worst advices we could give based on the energy level it takes and based actually that we know how many times we fail and we start creating stories about it. So it doesn't work. So what is then the solution? What's actually the synopsis of this when you think about it? To sum up, what blocks our change, wellness, and success? We have a beautiful head, loves analysis, give perfect answers, doesn't like mistakes. Your heart likes to bond, has beliefs, has values, likes to belong. Me first, survival, experience personal success. They are not the same. And you could say 4 things: your biology, The 40%. Your habits, beliefs, values, or trauma stops you. But what's so beautiful, he said, nope, my heart stops me actually to go for option A. In our case, your dominant brain or not listening to your silent one. I don't know who of you did the 3 brains preference test. No, Bea, do it. Why is that? Not because you make me happy. Make yourself happy. Thank you, Renata. What was your score, Renata? Just one second. What was your score? What was your dominant brain?

Uh, I think it's a combination of head and heart, I think. I mean, it's, it's pretty balanced. So 100, 105 or something.

Yes. In total, it should be 105. I could find you.

Okay.

But by the way, isn't it beautiful? She says rather balanced, my heart and my head. I missed your gut. Is your gut not balanced in there? No, it's not balanced.

Yeah, yes, yes. I, I mean, it is pretty well there. Oh, Sweta.

So it's like Sweta. Okay, heart and gut. Oh, she has the opposite heart and gut, 42, 42, and your head is 21. Now this means, say, if we take Sweta also as a number, or Renata, the 2 brains are in charge, your heart or your gut. And it means that the Sweta, Sweta, excuse my pronunciation, will be always living in the moment and makes her moment and makes decisions for now. She follows her heart, she follows her gut. And then she is just like me because I have somewhere similar score, Sweta, that we later on think, why did I not think about this sooner? How many times did you say that to yourself, Sweta? Yes. So your dominant brain If you don't listen to your silent brain, that is in your case your head brain, or in my case, and probably Renata's, the gut brain, it will bite our back later on and says, I told you so. I knew I should have listened to that. 41, 35, 29. Yes, they're perfect, by the way, perfect coaching scores, Heather. 41 head, 35 heart, 29 gut. That is almost the average coaching score if you look at coaches. Coaches have head brain, heart brain, or they discuss with each other, and then the gut brain is lower. That makes sense because as a coach, you have to listen to all those boring stories of your clients over and over and over again. And then you cannot say to client 10 who has the same story, I had already 9 clients with this, so I'll tell you the shortcut. This is the answer. Pay my bill, go away. A gut brain dominant person would say that. Heart brain dominant persons. Oh, that's interesting. And how does that work for you? What can you do about it? And all those beautiful, powerful questions. That's why we need a heart brain. We need a head brain to make it logical and actually become aware what kind of steps you have to make. So it makes totally sense. But this stops you in the first one with trial repetition. So is there a solution? What does 3 brain coaching bring to you if you would start working with 3 brains? Actually, it's easy. One of the things that comes aware is that we can come aware in language which brain is talking. So if we say, as an example, uh, this is a no-brainer, uh, let's be logical about this topic, Heather. Let's think it through. Let's first think about it before we take an action. Then you know the person is talking from the head about the topic. If they say, uh, I like to be part of a team, Chris, I cannot do that. I know I'm taking too much responsibility for everybody, but it's because, you know, I like to help everybody. Then, you know, the heart is talking to the topic. And if the gut is there to say, you know, I follow my gut instinct, I have to be strong, I don't cry, I cannot fail, I like to be in power, then you know that one of the brains is dominant about the topic. What's the solution? Is to bring all the 3 brains in alignment and let them bring them all 3 to the table. As metaphorically, just imagine you have 3 people on your table and you like to make a decision where you go out for dinner. How do you know for sure nobody regrets it if everybody has his or her say and everybody at the end somewhere agrees with the solution? Then, you know, there will not be discussions afterwards. I told you so. That's the same in our 3 brains. You have to bring them all to the discussion, all to the coaching, and somewhere all let them agree on the decision. How we do that, that's a little bit too short for here. But this is already a beautiful thing you can take away, because if you now know which brain is talking, you also become aware which brain is not talking. You already can ask a question about it. In the case of Heather, it's easy to ask, hey Heather, just imagine you just follow your gut for a moment and skip all your beautiful social, logical ideas, what would you do? And we asked then Heather to bring her gut more in the system. In Sweta, we would say, Sweta, you are not allowed to make a decision now, but just imagine you would think about it and you would sleep about it, and tomorrow you made all the pros and cons and whatever. Then how would, how would you look at it tomorrow? Then there is a huge chance that Sweta would have a different insight. Because you have to think about facts, pros, cons, cause and effect. In the case of Sweta, the question is really always, so you make this decision, Sweta, just imagine that you make the decision. What will be the consequence in 1 week or in 2 weeks or 3 weeks from this? And by putting that in, you let this part coming into the coaching. Does it work always? No, because How do you know it doesn't all work always? Can you remember that you had to fire 5 people? Do you know that my logical answer did not convince you? So if people can address all their 3 brains, it works. When people have strong beliefs, strong habits, or really strong dominant brains, it's hard to get the logical coaching in. They have to do something else.

Yeah.

That's what I cannot share here all the way because then we need Another couple of days. If you like to know more about this, oh, then one slide more. I was looking, did I have all my slides up? There's one slide more. So how do they learn? What is an important thing how to learn? And then we'll ask your head gut brain will say, I learn when I feel safe, I have something to gain, and I agree with the what. Your heart brain says, I will learn when my new behavior is appreciated, when I don't fear, when there's no fear of being rejected, and I agree with the whom. When does the head brain learn? When it thought about the consequences, the pros and cons, if it makes sense, if it agrees with the why, what, whom, and how. Yes, your head brain is totally complex. It also shows something. Your gut and your heart only have one criteria to choose from. What should we do? Is it safe? Do I have something to gain of it? Okay, I will go through the what. The whom, the people. This one likes to have the whole system in there. So that's rather important to know. If you'd like to know more about it, the cheapest way is to read my book. Buy my book, €10. I became aware this weekend is cheaper than a coffee in a Four Seasons Hotel in Madrid because that's €11. So I became aware that one coffee in the Four Seasons Hotel was actually more expensive than my book. My book, you at least have 3 hours of reading pleasure. The coffee, I can tell you, did not take me 3 hours to get rid of it. If you really like to dive into it, you don't have to. I just say it out loud. If you go for my training, you can have a discount of 10%, €185, something like that. It starts in June, it starts in May. You use a code 3BRAINS10 and you have it. By the way, if you like to have the presentation, because I love to share my slides instead of making pictures of it, just send me an email and I will just email it to you with all pleasure, because I really believe sharing is caring. Because if you make your clients better, if you kick out toxic leadership, if you make those crazy leaders good again, the world becomes better. Your kids, my kids, our grandkids becomes a better place. And at the end, we all benefit from that. Questions, Q&A. Do you still like to know more? Do you just like to say this was freaking amazing? Awesome, Chris. It's also allowed. Now, kidding. What would you like to know more of? Is this, is alignment related to age? No, it's not related to age, by the way, although during your lifetime it can change. Okay, really old people in aged care centers become or more social or more egocentric. Their head brain based on dementia and shrinking based on age becomes less, and the heart or the gut takes over. Where can I send my email address to to get the deck? Now, I think, Michelle, I sent all of you an email to fill out the Three Brains preference test. Now, having said that, christoffel@threebrainsbrainsintelligence.com. That's there. And You can also find me on LinkedIn. You find my name on LinkedIn and you can just ask it. Thank you all so much for being there. For the people who like to stay and like to ask a question, just ask a question because after this, I don't have— I don't say nothing to do. That sounds too easy. But love to connect with you. Love to stay connected. So questions for the people who are still here. I show this for 1 moment. At least you know it's there. Was I so clear? Oh, I see a chat. Maybe there are messages. No, it's all thank yous. Okay. If you have a question still allowed, and by the way, for the introverts, you can always email me also with the question. Chris, I didn't want to ask it then, but this is my question. Please do. Ah, that's Becca. Now I see Rebecca. Hey, good to see you, Rebecca. Looks totally serious with her headphones on. Elizabeth, and I thought my heart was dominant. That's totally— that's the beauty. Sometimes our self-reflection is not the best, because what we think and what we feel and how we decide is something different. No questions of anybody?

Can I ask you something?

Yes. I said 8 times, ask me a question, please ask.

So, yeah, I was wondering if, uh, I think one of my clients is gut dominant, and, um, I don't know, how are we allowed to, like, uh, lead or guide him or her to a place where he or she then would use the other brains. Um, that, I mean, I don't know how it is, but I mean, I was just thinking.

It, it depends. Uh, if you follow extremely the ICF core competencies and ICF, uh, rules as, as, as laws, it's not allowed to bring something in that is not already in the coaching space officially, by the way. Um, if you like to have well-paying clients, then please don't follow all the rules so strict.

Mhm.

Um, Tony Robbins, who asks thousands of euros for one coaching, doesn't do so. John Matone, who asks €1,000 for one coaching session, at least all his people work for him, uh, do something else anyhow. But it's always allowed to ask a client, and I'm an MCC coach and a supervisor, and mentor, no, So just imagine for a moment you would just follow your gut feeling in this. What would you do? So if you would say to your client, hey, dear client, just imagine for a moment, eh, you would just follow your heart in decision-making. What would you do? Then nobody would say, oh wow, you're now doing therapy. Nobody would say you're leading the client because actually what you ask is exploring. Maybe if you do this for recording for your MCC, an MCC assessor would say, where is that question coming from? Because nobody talked about the heart on this moment. Now, uh-huh, the chance if you ask that question depends on your other questions will not be dismissed, but it's easy to ask that.

Okay.

The same if you ask your client, say, if you would think about this, what would you do? That's a normal question we ask our clients. Hey client, what would you do about this? Say you would think about it. What are solutions? That's, that's a normal question we ask. Say client, if you would think about it, what would you do as solution? We could ask the same. Say client, you would follow your gut. What would you do as solutions?

Okay. Yeah.

That's totally allowed even in the coaching space and in ICF rules. If you start saying, Dear client, I would advise you to follow your gut more. Yeah, then you're giving advice. And then actually, uh, ICF would say, hey, you're giving advice, that's not coaching anymore. Having said that, sometimes clients just want to have your opinion.

Hmm.

And then explain to your client, dear Alison, I'm a coach, I never give my opinion. Uh, probably you win the discussion, but you lose a client.

Hmm.

I just use Alison or Renate, but that's also How strict are you in the laws? If I coach a CEO and the CEO asks, Chris, what's your opinion? I said, you know, my opinion is based on my values, my, my lines. So I can just tell you what I would do and what, in my opinion, would be the best for me. I cannot tell you what would be best for you.

Mm-hmm.

So my opinion, what I would do is maybe this. But it can be something totally different for you. So I'm just curious if you hear me saying what is good for me, I'm curious using that, what could be good for you? And then you could build it up, say, in the system there. In that moment, I can still give my opinion and can bring it back into question to the CEO, and he's still happy with me. If I don't give my opinion, my CEO client would say, Chris, by the way, I go to somebody else. But that is actually then the ICF core competencies and how do you stick with it.

Okay. Thank you, Chris.

And by the way, at the end, you like to make the client a better person and give, and, and give them solutions. As long as you don't give advice, it's allowed to explore. Yeah, it's exploration. Mhm. And you could even ask permission if you really like to prove. You say, dear client, Is it allowed just to step out of this coaching frame we have now and go and say into a wider space and start exploring and use creativity? Yes, Renata, that's allowed. Okay.

Yeah.

So then let's explore. Say you would just follow your heart, what would you do? Say you would just follow your gut, what would you do? Because you just got permission to go into a creative space of brainstorming, of exploration. And then it's totally allowed. Tick the box. Done. You can send it for recording for your ACC, PCC, MCC. All done. Mm-hmm.

Okay.

More questions in the last moment, last second while you're still here? No, Rebecca, you're happy, Rebecca? 2 thumbs up. Oh, that's really happy. And you, Bea, happy? Yeah, I don't see everybody, so I'm just asking the people I see.

Awesome.

Now, as I said, if you did not do the test, I invite you to do the test because it gives you beautiful insight in yourself. If you do it in English or Spanish, then you get a little bit more personalized answer what this score means for you. I have 16 questions, 16 languages, but only in 3 now I give a little bit more. This is still a one-pager. Get a little bit more insight about your strengths and your pitfalls.

Mm-hmm.

It gives you just beautiful insight. What can help you more? It doesn't cost anything. You don't, you don't have to pay. There's no restrictions. Just an email from me, maybe an email later, but no strings attached just to make you a better person and give you more awareness. So I love to see you in the future somewhere, somehow, or like to hear back from you when you read my book and say, Chris, I did your solution. I did your Trooper solution, bought the book, gave it to my husband, and now he doesn't like me anymore. Or I came aware I don't like him anymore. It's totally allowed. Kidding. Now I have to say, um, I once gave it to one of my dear friends in Australia. She was a lawyer, and I know already that she had a not, uh, marriage. She read the book and actually it gave her the last push for divorce because she came aware she was married with a gut-brain dominant person. And a gut-brain dominant person says, uh, it's enough about me. Why don't you talk about it? As you became aware that her relationship was all about him and not about her. And that's so that's not my intention with you. I just like to make your relationships better, but it gives you beautiful insight. So I wish you a beautiful Monday. Thank you for being here. I love to see your questions or whatever if you have to have in emails. Yes, hug, love, and all the other ones. Ciao ciao.