ICF Core Competency 4. Cultivates Trust and Safety [2025 Update]

Hello, coaches. Welcome to the series of the ICF Core Competencies, the 2025 updates to the Core Competencies. I'm Brighton West, and I am the host of this series. And I'm really excited to be talking about Core Competency Number 4, which is Cultivates Trust and Safety. And I've got Christoffel Sneijders with me today, and he is coming to us from Spain. So Christoffel, thank you so much for joining us.

It's a pleasure to be here and actually to contribute to the International Coaching Federation and all the coaches out there. To really coach according to the core competencies, but also use them in a way that really helps the client to move forward and really get all their objectives achieved. Because that's where the core competencies are for, not to punish us, but really to help the client to get the best out of it.

Yes, they are really a kind of a guiding star, I guess. So why don't you go in and give us a brief overview of core competency number 4?

Core competency 4, I will not say is the most important one because then probably I'll do all the other ones not really all the credit they deserve. But I think 4 is actually the foundation of how you connect with your client. If 4 is not— cultivate trust and safety— is not there, actually a real coaching environment is not there. And for that, it's the most important one. So what is the definition? We create a safe and supportive environment, allows the client to share freely, and we maintain a relationship of trust and respect. And especially that share freely means the client must feel safe, and not safe that we're going to hit him, but safe that if they start to disclose whatever they like to disclose, there is no judgment. No opinionation about it, but there's real true curiosity from us. And also, and probably we'll come back later, and support, empathy, and concern from us, and how can we help you with this?

Okay, great. Thank you for that overview. So I'd like to go next into what has changed, what you and the group in Paris came to in terms of your discussions. So this one hasn't changed, but maybe you can tell us a little bit about what you discussed.

It's good. Yeah, it did not change, but we had a lot of discussions about it. And the discussions was more of, do coaches and coaching schools understand what we mean with this? And in some, we changed the sentences or we added some words or just changed the context. In this part, we decided actually in the text it shows What, how we should behave, how our attitude should be. The only discussions we had, and there were absolutely a lot of doubt about those ones, do people understand who are not native English what we mean with it? As I said, the word empathy, and one of the big mistakes in the world on this moment, and actually in a lot of times coaching, is sympathy-empathy. I feel with you, Or I feel for you. And it's a huge difference if we start connecting with clients. The empathy part is I almost feel the same. I sit on your— if I would sit on your chair, I really embody your values, your beliefs, your topics. So I can feel it by myself or can relate to it. Well, sympathy is more kind of I observe it and I could feel sorry for you, but I don't feel the sorry. And that's in coaching already a huge difference. And we discussed it now really massively. Should we explain empathy? Should we change the word? And we said, no, we keep it there. Because if you just Google it, we know what it is. And we trust the schools that they also give those explanations. What do we mean with it? And how does it actually show in your behavior, in your attitude as a coach?

Okay, thank you for giving us kind of a little behind-the-scenes look at what the group discussed. So maybe you could tell us what this competency looks like in everyday coaching.

Everyday coaching, and let's go one step back. Why is this so important? I think everybody knows or heard about the placebo effect. The placebo effect is if you believe in something, actually an outcome can be there. In the medical science, in pharmaceutical science, it's used always to test medication. If there's a real cultivation of trust and safety, you could almost say also the placebo effect occurs there. The client really starts believing this is going to change and help me massively. And if there's a real belief you can, the chance that it will happen is really there. That's why you don't just buy a coach. You really found somebody who you think, okay, he is really, or she is really going to help me to get there. I trust that person. Trust is an Now, the same as empathy, a word that is used and misused so many times, as you know. And the funny part is when you talk about trust, trust is decided by the receiver. So I can send trust to you, but if you don't feel it, if you don't embody it, it doesn't happen. So then we come also back to empathy and to the other parts. We have to create a trusting environment. That means actually the client Has to start experiencing, hey, I can trust the coach. So in real coaching, that means that now what actually the first one already says, we understand the client's context, identity, environment, experience, values, and beliefs. So it means we dive deeper. What is their whole story? And it's not only, oh, this is a topic. Hey, but where are they coming from? What is their cultural background? What is their belief system background? What are their values? What kind of experience do we have? Without the judgment, without curiosity, from, hey, let's sit in that chair for a moment. If we would have that, how could we help the client? And why is actually, I said, an extremely important, but also a really misused one? Because if you ask now the average coach or average person and the leader and coach, do you activate, do you cultivate trust and safety in your team? Now, I almost never see a coachee who says, no, no, actually, I'm just a bully. Our own self-assessment, if we cultivate trust and safety, doers or respect, is not always the best. Because as I said, I can give it, it doesn't mean you receive it. So in that part in coaching, it's actually also asking the question and coming aware about the The responses of the client—is there really a relationship that that is built on that trust and on that safety? And it means we have to be actually stepping out of our own judgments, our own experience, our own values, and start observing ourselves. Hey, how do we perceive actually what the client is saying? It's almost like a tripartite coaching. We coach, but also we observe ourselves. From hey, how do we deal actually with what the client is saying? And that sometimes makes it really hard, especially when you say, a beginning coach, you're so busy with powerful questions and listening and all the things that you also have to observe yourself. How do I deal when the client says something while you actually are already processing with a new question? And then you have to observe yourself. Okay, how do I actually respond on the client? Is my response actually creating safety and trust and compassion and empathy? Or is it fun? What do you now say? Oh, that's strange. We can think it's strange, but the moment we say it, trust is done because it's actually judgment. And it is so normal for everybody, and it doesn't matter how long you have been coached, to put a little judgment or a little opinion in there because it keeps us also in our own identity. And I drink a glass of water instead of a glass of a cup of coffee. Oh, is that strange? Is that not strange? No. Before you know, you have a judgment about it. Oh, you don't drink coffee? And that question already is actually a judgment question, also based on the intonation, because the curiosity is something else. And the curiosity is much more, hey, I observe actually you're taking a water. That's really beautiful. I'm just, yeah, I could be curious what's the reason you're taking a water, because I see everybody drinking coffee. And just stepping into that role of, hey, what's happening there? And that makes it extremely, I would say, harder to do so. And that's why I say it's a foundation, because if you do this, the placebo effect, the trust and safety is there, you can really do beautiful things. It's extremely hard because there is no real criteria. How can you send out trust besides stepping into their identity, environment, experience, values, and beliefs, not giving any judgments. And it's not in there, but we discussed it, and, uh, at least from my side, also discussed it. If you look at non-verbal communication, non-violent communication, that it is actually communication without any judgments and without any ID, should be somewhere edited somewhere in that Our communication should be really nonviolent. We decided not because it shows all there. But one of the core competences behind this, being not judgmental, is actually the nonviolent communication. Be nonjudgmental. Be with the child's mind. Be open and curious without thinking what's happening. Like a child who says, hey, Daddy, what's that? That's the sun. Hey, what is that? That's the sky. Why it's blue? That curiosity, instead of saying, hey, should it not be blue, the sky, daddy? That's already, you could say, a closed question where somewhere it's a judgment in or an opinion in. And it makes it harder.

Okay, great. Well, thank you for sharing that. And I think this next question, I think you've kind of covered it a little bit. So maybe just a brief answer. That's okay. That's okay. And that is what it looks like when someone is doing it well. And we're going to follow up with the flip side of this, which is what does it look like when someone isn't doing it well? So, just real briefly, give us a little overview of when it's done well, and then we'll, like I said, flip it over.

You're right, already gave some hints away. When it's done well, that means when the client shares something or is actually dressing in a certain way, sitting in a specific way, there's no judgment at all, just curiosity, just acceptance. Yeah, sometimes I make a comparison. When animals see each other, there's no judgment in there. A dog doesn't care if another dog is black, white, colorful, smelly, not smelly. They just smell each other and it's okay. There's no judgment. We humans have sometimes a tendency to have an idea about it. You drink a cup of Coffee or tea out of a cup. I see a really colorful cup, and if I would do a good good job, say, "Hey, great! You take some liquids to you." Probably to help you also with the coaching. It's an assumption I make. That's a good thing. When we flip side to what is wrong, say, "Hey, I see you drinking from a cup." Wow, that's a strange cup, or that's an. Different cup than other cups. It's not a real coffee cup, is it? Now you hear right away 1, 2, 3, 4 judgments in there. Oh, are you a lefty? When you drink, you're going— it gives curiosity, but based on intonation, it almost could be already a judgment. So we have to be careful with how we actually share our observations. That we get the judgment out of it.

Awesome. Thank you for that. And here is that coffee cup, by the way, that I was sipping out of.

By the way, I really love it. I love the colors and the things I was looking— oh, wow, is that a cornet? No, it's not a cornet. So I was totally already getting totally out of the coaching scene from, hey, could you tell more about the cup? Because really, I like it. I like the colorfulness and the creativity of it.

Well, this is into the When things aren't going well, maybe. So when a coach is not necessarily adhering to this core competency, tell us a little bit about what that might look like.

Yeah, no, the funny part is when I say, I'm really curious about it, then actually in the other core competencies, you can use it right away. Then the coaching goes about me instead of about you. And that's actually what we discussed in core competencies. That's also the case. By the way, in trust and safety, that's also a sentence. If I say, oh, wow, I really love it, that's okay, but it's still me. Something else is you have a great cup. Yeah, well, you have a beautiful— you have a beautiful cup. Something else is I like it. So if I talk about myself, I like it, how much trust and safety give it to you? Because in that moment, you could sense, could sense, oh wow, he's more interested in himself than in me. So then in my language would be, hey, you have a beautiful cup. That's amazing. Can I just ask a question about it? Because I never seen it, but I love to learn more about it. Boom, about me. Wow, why did you choose that? Because it really brings something to the session. It is sometimes really difficult to use the same language, but that's also cultivating trust. It's not about me, myself, and I. It's about you, you, and you. Still, it's a beautiful cup in my perception, but I'm not coaching now. Thank you.

Yes, I also have to remind myself when doing these sessions that I shouldn't be thinking like a coach. I'm not a coach, but sometimes because I spend so much time with coaches, I think like them. But this is an interview. So the cup is, by the way, from Mexico where I live half the time.

Amazing.

A whole bunch of them, Talavera cups.

Ah, I mean, it's great. And yes, they absolutely evoke also a chat or more interest and may talk about, say, beliefs, experiences. You just share it. You live half-time in Mexico. On that moment, it brings also something to the table in trust and safety from, hey, let's include more. Hey, you live in Mexico. What brings us, say, to the topic we're now discussing, that experience you have from Mexico and living there? So that is also a fact of trust.

Okay, I'm interested actually what you do and what you do and your experiences, how that brings actually Now in the session, before we wrap up, I want to give you a chance to add anything that might be might be remaining out there. So is is there anything that we missed in this discussion?

Now the only thing is concern for the client is also a word, and that's we discussed it. Concern from the client almost could feel I take you on my shoulders. Oh oh you have pain? Okay, can I help you? No no no. The client is resourceful. The client should do it. So that word concern we also say from how do we see concern? So it is actually. Observing that the client could maybe need some assistance, it does not need we have to rescue him or her out of the water. We just come away, okay, you're now walking into the water. Oh, that is probably not a wise idea because the water is there really deep and cold. So there is concern, but I'm not going to jump into you to save you. Hey, it's more, okay, I noticed this. How can you do something about this? So the concern is not, I take you on my shoulders, it's more of, hey, I noticed something, how can you deal with this?

Well, thank you for adding that. And thank you so much for sharing. And thank you for your work with this committee that met in Paris. And thank you to the viewers too for watching this. And if you're ready for the next core competency about maintaining presence, you're going to find that video up here. And if you haven't watched the whole series, you can start from the beginning down here. Thank you so much for watching.