How To Create Long-Lasting Change With 3 Brains Intelligence - Live Workshop Insights

I call him professor. He's Associate Professor Christoffel Sneijders. Now, everyone does refer to him as Chris. And Chris works in a multicultural environment. He's based in Perth some of the time. He teaches at the IE Business School with postgrad students in Madrid. And then he whips across to Europe, both to Holland and across to his— has a client in Warsaw. Where he works in the corporate level. And he does a lot of coaching, but with practical experiential facilitation of executives in a holistic sense, using a whole lot of techniques and styles of work. In Perth, he tends to these days work as a clinical hypnotherapist and a psychotherapist. And And he taps all of the alternative healing modalities as well as the academic. And he's an intuitive person, so he tends to read the need at the time and work from there. And in the business environment, that can always pose challenges, but Chris has the personality to overcome that very quickly. I'm going to get you all to give Chris a huge round of applause, and we'll get him to the stage.

Thank you. Oh ja, nou het werkt. Het wil een minuut duren.

Oké.

Looking if my first slide is still on. Welcome everybody and sorry I was just running in. I'm Dutch. I love to be in time. I said to everybody two forty we start. It's two thirty I came over here. And I have to put this one here otherwise you don't hear me. That's okay, it will come up. So I just have a question before we start. On a scale from 1 to 10, and 10 is the Pope on being Prozac, totally extremely happy, and 1 is where's the next train I can jump in front of, and everything in between, How would you rate yourself on happiness, on contentment? I asked the same question yesterday in my workshop, and up to now I never saw somebody say, I'm a 10. Isn't it amazing? There's a 10. I know her. She knows the answer.

Yeah.

But most of us, we are born almost in an extreme happy state. I just saw outside there a little baby smiling and cuddly and whatever. And then we're all grown-ups and somewhere we blame life that we're not happy anymore.

Yeah.

Hello, little one. And I love that statement, although it's really an NLP statement, neuro-linguistic programming. Let's be creative. Now you can see it a little bit better, because some people, what's under there? I know it's now somewhere in that whatever kind of thing it is. The speaker, thank you. I thought, what is it? The speaker. There are limitations, they're only in our mind. And you are, by the way, amazing. Who agrees or doesn't agree that all your limitations are actually in your mind or in your body? Because if we all had amnesia and would not know our name anymore, or if we're— our gender, 99.9% of our issues were gone.

Wow.

The only reason we have them is because we hold back and we love to hold them. We like to blame everybody else for our partly bad life. So I'm really welcome to this experimental workshop. Why experimental? Because I never know what's going to happen. I presented a whole slide deck. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, because you're the most important here, and this is just to help me if I get speechless. I'm really grateful to meet you. Some people I saw before. Ik ben extreem horrendus in names, maar goed in faces. Oh ja, solo spiel. En voor de next 45 minutes, ik zet je al mijn love en energie te maken. Dit is een amazing moment.

Time.

I love strong statements. Life will never be the same. And it's actually true because every inhale and exhale we take. Already at least 20 million body cells are changed. We rejuvenate on an enormous speed, so you're never you're never the same. It does not reveal my age, but I love the number five billion. So if you're 47 years old, you lived already five billion seconds. How did you live them? Yeah, I know some people are thinking, oh, that hurts. I know. That's why I say don't reveal my age because then I'd have to do the math again. How did you live those moments? And most people will live those moments on automatic control. They don't know what they ever had for dinner two days ago or three days ago because just lost. Every morning we do our same procedures and waking up, getting our breakfast. Getting washed, doing all the stuff, and we don't do them really with some conscious mind. The only thing that is conscious is our time that we have to run for the train or for the car to get to our work or whatever. What's my objective when I came here? At least to make you aware you are in charge of your own health and happiness, nobody else. So everybody who says there, take my oils, take my crystals, do whatever they do. It's amazing, but you're in charge. Nobody else can change you. You can have assistance, but it's all about you. You can sleep on a bed of crystals, having all the essential oils, and do amazing hypnotherapy. If you're not open for it, nothing will change, except that you have a sore back from lying on all the crystals. And don't get me wrong, I have all of them, eh? Not that bed, because I love to have a soft bed. But as long as you're not open for it, nothing will change. And we talk about what kind of 9 steps you actually need to be happy. This is my belief system, besides that I love animals, because animals are the only developed animals in this world who don't know hate or cruelty. We humans are the only people who, or humans or animals, who know the word hate and cruelty. We kill for pleasure. Animals don't. And starts with compassion and love for me, because that's the strongest emotion we have actually. So I will not ask everybody, otherwise the time is over. But who has a clear objective what he or she conceives, or he? There are some he's or she likes to get out of it, and likes to share that by the way, because at the moment you speak out, everybody hears. What would you like to get out of today? Do you like to speak it out loud?

Yeah, I'm Virginia and I'm here to let go. I'm a hoarder and I have to move. Homes West have asked me and I'm just interested in everything outside. I love, you know, the world except my home. I'd love to bring more love into my home, more passion, more organization. Yeah, just to really enjoy being at home and not need to go out all the time to, you know, to be made— to be happy. I'd like to be happy, passionate, and loving in my own home and to have people come.

Yeah.

That's a beautiful statement. And I think most of us can say, oh, wow, I can, at least for parts of them, I like to enjoy those being happy, finding the home. And for me, when we talk about home, what is home? Is home a house? Is home somewhere there? Or somewhere out there with a lot of music? Happiness. I just put it in really quick because it came in warehouse. Actually messed up we are. Every year, 1 million have depression, 2 million have anxiety. We have 24 million people living here. That's an amazing number. 12% of the kids thought about suicide. 4% actually did an attempt. It does not fit in my normal brain because it means when I look at this class, this group, almost that side has some or one of those issues. It should only actually be only this person, this empty chair. In my opinion, in relationships, I love that part. Being divorced three times, so I talk from experience. Yeah, takes a long time to learn. And and some people right away break up with me now, run away. That's okay. That's okay. I don't take it personal. Does somebody have some tissues for me, please? I talk about breakups and 2 people leave already. Most of my relationships stay a little bit longer. Anyhow, 50% breaks up in the first marriage, and the people who stay together, they go there. No, 8 out of 10 who stay together are actually not happy together, and they stay together because they have kids, they have finances, they have a house, they have Excuses to stay together. So they cheat on each other and don't tell their secrets to each other. Don't start laughing. You're feeling something. 10% or 9% have a good relationship. And that's just a good relationship. You're friends, you have sex together, and you enjoy life partly. But you do your own things. You don't share everything. And only 1% really has an amazing relationship. Where we go for the movies. Oh yes, I'd like to be like that. You see Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, think, oh yes, I'd like to be— first, all the ladies like to meet Ryan Gosling. I can understand that part. They say, oh yes, I'd like to have somebody who goes for me like that. And only 1 out of 1,000 have a soulmate relationship. And for me, there's also— that's why I did 4 or 3 times— staggering numbers. Because why would you stay in an unhappy situation? It's like staying underneath a really cold shower and not enjoying it. Why would you do that? Or too hot, whatever. Doesn't make sense. I also, I love taking cold showers, but I love it. So let's do a little exercise to change your energy and become aware how much we are in charge. So I don't have to know the answer, but how's your energy?

Good.

Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, I love 1 to 10, how's your energy? 10 is that you're almost just like me, jumping around, and 1 is I'm sleeping, only I have my eyes open, and everything in between. Now that you have your number, just make— how's your focus? And what I mean with focus is how much can you focus on what's happening here without thinking what is on Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, who should I mail, what did my wife say to me, do I have a coffee, where's the tea, I need to go to the bathroom, All the kind of other things we have in our mind. All of them? And on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 is totally focused, I can really be with my mind here, and 1 is Facebook, Snapshoot, Instagram. Oh yes, shit, I didn't look at them. Let's post right away a picture of myself, selfie. And how's your happiness? We already asked that question. Are you, by the way, ready to do something strange? I love strange. Oh, that's good. You know you signed up for now. It is now, King. Where did— what do we need more to solve things? And actually, there's only one thing we really need, all of us. That's a friend. That's compassion. That's where I start with. So we're going to do a little exercise just to come aware how it changes your energy and mood set. So please, if you don't have a neighbor Find a neighbor, because some people are on the end of some persons. Find somebody behind you, next to you, and you only have to do three things. So she volunteered, so I know she volunteered. Don't think oh wow you put somebody. Yes. So I will show you what we're going to do so you really know. So I have to talk in here, otherwise people don't. So you look some you look her in the eyes. Not not her, but you look. The other person in the eyes. Now you see my butt end now. Could we turn around, please? It's not my best part. And when you look in the eyes, you say, "I'm really grateful to meet you." I'm really grateful to meet you. Yeah, I send you love and support.

I send you love and support for the next 45 minutes. For the next 45 minutes. Yes.

And after that you can say thank you or whatever, and you go to the next person if you like to turn around and swap around.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. So please do that to your neighbor, or the neighbor behind you, or somebody else. And if you don't have somebody, we can do each other. So I'm not questioning—

we—

somewhere the same questions, so you know the questions. How's your energy? On a scale from one to ten, it's better or worse than five minutes ago. How's your focus? Better or worse than five minutes ago? And how's your happiness compared to five minutes ago? You say, it's okay. Yeah, then you cannot make the difference. But for most people, they will find a difference, and most times a positive difference. That's a good thing, by the way. So just in one or two minutes, you can change your own energy, your own focus, your own happiness. The only thing you have to do is to connect with somebody and just open yourself up for one moment to look at somebody's eyes and say, hey, you know, really grateful to meet you. Welcome to this workshop. I'll send you a lot of love and support for the next 45 minutes. Now, why it's so important to look in the eyes? Because the eyes are the mirrors of the soul and we cannot change those. It's also a way of respect when you say, hey, I'm really grateful to meet you. Actually, you say to somebody, I'm not interested in you, is there somebody more interested? So this shows you have the capacity to change a lot of your internal state. Just to say to somebody you're grateful to meet them. We need compassion and safety to change. If you like to live an amazing life, you need compassion and you need safety. Without safety, there's no change. Zo, in 9 steps to change your life to make an amazing life. Het doet me alleen 30 jaar te ontwikkelen, zo. Het is wat er in de wing dat ik denk 30 jaar, zo. Maar ik testte dit met een lot van mijn clients, patients, coaches, trainings die ik over de wereld. Is het really true? Why a change program works and doesn't work in the company world, in the business world? Why a client or patient did or did not change? And it makes sense we have to know an awareness about our life satisfaction and dissatisfaction. Because just imagine what this beautiful Virginia said, I'd like to be happy. What do we actually know about happiness? What does happy mean? I don't know. It's a huge word. Happy can be the coffee I just had, can be the chocolate brownie that's still waiting for me there. And I'm not going to share it. Happiness can be having a beautiful partner and kids around. Happiness can be the sun that is shining in the morning. I'm from Holland, so the sun is for me a beautiful gift. We have to be aware of it, but also in concrete terms. What is it actually that makes me tick and doesn't tick? But then actually, what do you do to make it happen? En hoe doet het je voelen? Waar voel je het in je lichaam? Ja, ik voel het ergens. Waar voel je het? In je keel? In je hart? Ja, in je hart. Of in je buik? Natuurlijk hebben we drie breinen. We gaan daar later op terugkomen. Daar een, daar een en daar een. En de derde ding die we moeten leren is dat we kunnen veranderen. Now you just showed yourself already you have the capacity to change. You have the resource to change. It creates your focus, your happiness, your energy level within 1 minute. So just imagine if you would spend more time on it. You can almost do everything. After the awareness, you need an understanding. How your heart-head-gut-brain works. We'll do that after this. I'll show you what it really means. Because we can change logically here, that's why I go to psychologist, counselor, and those kind of things. They can change or solve PTSD, post-traumatic stress syndrome, in the head by CBT, cognitive behavior therapy, and actually still be totally messed up here. I do a lot of trauma work. I don't say I love trauma because that sounds rather horrendous, but I love to solve it, from sexual abuse to all kinds of horrendous things. And it's never about how we think about it, how we feel about it somewhere there. And then the most important thing is that you're safe. It sounds strange, but based on what happened in us, we don't feel safe enough to let go what we always do and to take the step to the new step, to the new world. Some people stay in a situation because that's what they know, and going in that new state is scary. So you need safety, that's why you also need compassion. And safety does not mean that somebody's going to shoot your head off, but safety means I can trust myself. Now really trust yourself. Just ask the question to yourself, how much do you really trust yourself on a scale from 1 to 10? I will not ask to raise hands who says a 10, because then you could be shocked. Because in most classes only 50% or less dares to share a hand, I trust myself completely.

I trust myself completely.

Most people even don't trust themselves, for whatever reason. Most come aware those old emotions we have and old beliefs, we don't need them anymore. They were made up for a good reason in the past. I've been bullied when I was young, being the kid that kicked the shit out of me. I can now laugh about it. In that moment, not, to be honest. I could cry about it. So I learned not to trust, because you never know if your friend is going to kick you or not. So I have a second grader that I know what's happening there. My kids don't like that because I always see everything. But I had to learn those old emotions were extremely good there and those beliefs. But as an adult, nobody's going to kick my butt anymore. So it's now good to let those old beliefs behind. But if you have them for 40 years, it's hard to let them go because they're part of me. And actually say, that is what I am. No, no, that's what I learned. Because going back to the little baby, nobody's born like that, except some situations where you have drug addict parents, those kind of horrendous things. And then we go to the solutions. Step seven, finally. And that's actually letting go. And that's it sounds so easy. Step seven, but it's really letting go. And that's where most people fail because they don't hold them. Everybody likes to get rid of pain. The only way to get rid of pain is to become part of your pain. I will not squeeze somebody here as an example. Of course, that is not a wise thing. But the moment you push in somebody, we like to go away. We like to tense our muscle. That only makes the pain worse. You have to go into the pain to get it let— to let it go. Most people have a negative experience, don't like to be remembered of it. They store it away in a little box, do the box, put on the key, throw away the key. So how can you let go if you put something in a box with a lock on it? You cannot let it go because you don't even hold it. It doesn't mean you have to relive your trauma, please not, but at least you have to become the owner of it. As I say, welcome it and then let it go. And then of course we need some new beliefs because the moment you let something go, most of my clients, coaches, say, oh, I have a void. They look at big eyes at me. I'm lost. Yes, because you lost something that was always guiding you left or right. So what kind of new things would you like to live? Now then, you can be happy. It's only 8 steps. Pretty easy. Actually, it is and it is not, because somewhere down the line, one of those steps you will fumble and fall. I did them all. I fell off all of them. Yeah, I think. Procrastinated some, stayed there. Those know you can go beyond them. So you have to have an awareness, as I said. There are a lot of tools for that. Very happy, not happy. I will not show you now, but somewhere. Become aware you can change. This is a coding on 190 identical twins. They were split by birth. Not for research results. We're not in Germany again. I'm Dutch, so we can make those jokes. I'm partly Jewish, so I'm allowed to make those jokes. My parents would not agree. But what they came aware that even your fingerprint is almost the same as a twin, but your weight only 710 times is the same. So an identical twin And still, after 20, 30, 40 years, your weight is different. Instead, it's 30% of the chances. Depression only has a correlation of 37%. So even if you're an identical twin coming from the same DNA, some twins are depressed and some are not. So it's not in your freaking genes. Don't blame your genes for I have big bones, that's why I'm overweight. No, it's because what you put underneath your mouth. Nobody gets weight issues from inhaling air. Don't give me that crap. There's a reason maybe why we eat. Actually, most females who I meet have sexual abuse, so they use weight as a protection mechanism. So I don't blame them. There's a different kind of reason why they do it. Panic disorders, 35%. That is connected with anxiety. Also nothing. The only thing that's really strong, that's not maybe in here, alcoholism only. Yeah, if you're born Irish or Polish and you saw your parents always drink, yes. Or maybe West Australian, you have a hard one. It's only 50%. Genes, 50%. That's the environment, 10%, what's around us. And your belief and actions makes 40% of the change. So you can be a 6 and become a 2, or you can be a 6 and become a 10. It's all in your own hands. To become a 2 or a 10 is all your belief and your actions. Don't blame somebody else. Don't blame yourself, please. Just become aware that You had to do it up to now because it made sense. But it's now time to let it go. Not going to do that. I thought there was head, heart, gut here. Now I'll just skip the slides where I said we're going to do something. It's much more fun than just how you are depressed. I'll do Ctrl+B, so this is black. We're going to do a beautiful exercise. Become aware how your beautiful head, heart, gut, brain makes a difference. Because we have one Honderd biljoen brain cells hier. We men have less en they work less, but don't tell anybody. We have 100.000 brain cells in our heart. Really? Twintig jaar geleden, neuroscientist, really, after cutting open, became aware we have the same neurostructure hier als daar. En hij officieel declared it's brain because it can store memory. They can Make actions. Here, you have 500 million brain cells. That's the same size as the brain of your cat. Don't tell your dog. And it can store memories and it can take actions. And actually, more, more, more, more evidence is shown that based on the polyvagal nerve, it goes up. 90% of communication goes up, and that your gut brain actually is taking actions. And a Russian researcher said already 70 years ago. This brain is developed because this brain needed a second hand. And so, okay, let's put a huge database there that can just store all those memories so I can take action. So how does it work? It's extremely easy.

I will—

we can do it all together because then people don't feel rather exposed, because that's one of the biggest fears we have is being exposed or having a speech or those kind of things. So I did it yesterday partly. I'll ask you to do it again. And just imagine, why do you like to be a volunteer again? Now I show you, because then you can see what's happening. And I'm in charge of it. This was good. Just so that everybody knows, what's your name again?

Virginia. I'm Virginia.

Hi everyone. Virginia.

You're born and raised as Virginia, or Virginia is a name you received later?

I was born Virginia. I'm Lithuanian. When I, when I came to Australia, it became Virginia.

I knew that because I met her earlier. So what I will ask you, are you right or left-handed?

Right-handed.

Right-handed. Okay, that's this one. So I will ask to put your Virginia, put her 2 fingers, say, on her third eye and say please in English, my name is Virginia.

My name is Virginia.

Okay, how does your head respond? And if you don't know, then just say it again. If you don't know how your head responded, then just close your eyes for one second and say, my name is Virginia.

My name is Virginia.

And how does your head respond on that? What does it say?

Um, it's so— but it doesn't know.

It doesn't know. That's great. That's your own name, so it's okay. And please, could you put your 2 fingers on your heart? That's the only moment I don't touch anybody so much anymore. And please, could you do the same? And sometimes it's easy to close your eyes because you can really come aware inside and say, my name is Virginia.

My name is Virginia. That's very good.

Because it doesn't feel right.

Doesn't feel right. I love your interior, your feeling. Could you put your finger, say, just around your soft spot underneath your navel? That's a soft spot, also for me. And say it again, my name is Virginia.

My name is Virginia.

How is it there?

Uh, there's hesitation.

Isn't that beautiful? Thank you so much. This is her own name. Please stay because we're going to do something else. That her 3 brains react actually differently. So this is what words do and how we connect with our own name. Do you still speak your native language? Thanks. So I will ask you to say your own name in your own native language. So we don't understand, means I don't understand it, but doesn't matter.

Yeah.

And when you do that, please put your two fingers ring. No, you don't have to do that. My name is Virginia, and then your own language.

Okay, my name is Virginia.

And now in your own language.

Mano Gardas era Virginia.

And how is that for you?

I'm feeling tightness.

Okay, okay. Really focus your head and say just once again.

Say my name is Virginia.

No, no, really in original language.

Mano Gardas era Virginia.

Okay. How does it feel there?

They're still confused.

Okay, still confused. Okay, would you please put your hands on your heart and say in Ukrainian again?

Mano vadas, Vera Virginia. And that feels so beautiful.

What you just said?

It just feels so right.

It's all right. Thank you so much. Could you please put your hands, your fingers there and say do the same?

Mano vadas.

It just feels so right.

Thanks so much for coming up here. Now, by the way, I know also the answer on your question you had here. Sit down. So give her applause, because it's easy for me, it's easy for me to stand up here because that's, let's say, my second nature. But somebody comes up and is so open, and there's the show for that. So on your question, I'd like to find home, Je weet niet waar je niet thuis bent. En we kunnen werken aan dat, maar dat is niet voor nu. Maar weet je waar de hart niet thuis is? Eigenlijk blijft de emotie in het oude land. Dus wanneer ze voor wat dan ook verhuisd is, voor wat dan ook reden, alles, ze verliest een deel van zichzelf. Dat is mijn eerste eerste. En ze akkoord. Dat is goed. Niet voor mij goed, maar goed voor haar, want dan heb ik ergens een bewustzijn. Dus wat ik je wil doen, en je kunt het ook doen in Couples, because that's what I showed you.

Okay.

That's okay. I would invite you to do the same with your neighbor. Now, why with your neighbor? Because you can just guide it. And just use your own name. And if you don't have a native name or a nickname, just use a fake name. Just do Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, Julia Gillard, Beyoncé, Justin Bieber. I don't know, Eminem. Choose somebody. It doesn't matter because I like that you test your real name and your fake name and really ask to say that my name is now Christopher and just come aware what's there happening. My name is Christopher. Come aware what's there happening. My name is Christopher. Come aware what's there happening. So ask the question every time after you say a name, what's happening there? Don't let them do all three and then come aware because they don't know what's happening. In your own name, because that's what you you used to, so it should be true. In a nickname, you come aware how it feels on different levels when you say something not true. So you come aware how actually your brains are actually communicating. And the first step of healing yourself of being happy is actually come aware where you got stuck. Or not got stuck. Because then we know how we can help this beautiful lady. Because I know she's not stuck there. She already said she was stuck there, but she's also stuck in her gut. And your gut is survival instinct. So as long as you don't create that safety over here, she will never feel home here. So you not only have to work on the heart, also on the gut part. So I would say have fun with this. Choose somebody and play with it. If you have a question, just walk around while I find the slides where it was actually written down. If you like the sentence, it's there up. I found them. I took this away, otherwise everybody hears me. Good you're following me with the camera. I know I walk around. Amazing. Yes, I thought I would just walk around to see how people are doing or they have questions. Yes, of course.

I don't know.

I know what you are. I don't know what you are. You can choose both of them. You become aware how it feels for you. There is no right and wrong. You just become aware, hey, I feel different when I say it in English or say it in my other kind of language.

This hand.

No, no, no, no, no. Did you choose the hand? That's, that's more you use always. If you're righty, you use your right hand. If you're lefty, you use your left hand. And don't change your hands because then energy can flow different ways, get different kind of answers. Always use the same hand. So it's a good question.

Always use the same?

Yes, because the energy flows.

It's the hand that I usually use.

Yes, it's the strongest because that's the strongest hand.

But my strongest is my left.

Then you can use your left. You can see what's different. Okay, then you can also use left. She's complicated, but, but I think you knew already. No, no, you can use both, but always use the same hand. Like, I'm a lefty, so always use left, but I know most people are right because actually it's the shortest way from the heart to the left hand, so the Left hand is stronger connected to the heart than the right. But if you use always right, you're more in tuned to your right hand. That's why I say most use the hand that's more dominant. So you can use both and just change what the difference is. Thank you. So I come aware that there's so tears, so emotions, so a lot of things. And when there's nothing, it's still okay. In both times there were nothing?

Nowhere.

Nowhere. You never do. It's your own name or it was a fake name you didn't do? It's your own name. It was a fake name. Did you have a response? Beyoncé, Julia Gillard, Ivanka Trump, Christopher Sniders. He thought you strange.

Okay, didn't try.

That's why I asked it. When you use your own name, most times response is more neutral because that's where we're used to. So there's not a long— there's not a really emotional connection with it. That's why I say, when the moment you use a fake name, that can be a nickname or can be really a fake name, there will be another kind of emotion because your head or your heart or your gut will say, that's not me. And if you have a dislike about it, per se, I would say Donald Trump, probably I had to run to the bathroom within 2 minutes. Or probably sooner. Depends how long I can stand like this. Because I have a huge emotional emotion with that guy. And so that's why I say always use your own name because you know it's true, and a fake name because then you come aware what's not true. If you had a nickname like this beautiful Polish lady and you start talking in Polish, it has different kind of emotion. As you just saw with Virginia, because you used that name when you were born in your parents' culture like that in that language. So it's a different kind of emotion to that. An emotion we have here. So when we talk about issues, it was before that, we have a head, heart, and gut. And somewhere in there, there's a solution in the issue on the same moment. And how do we keep issues alive? Because we think about what will happen in the future. How will they perceive me? Say I do different. How will they perceive me if I say to my parents, hey, by the way, I'm going to be divorced for a 3rd time? How do they respond on that? I knew their response, but I can't. So based on that fear I could have, I could stay in there. How do I think about it? Do I care or don't care about what my parents think about it? I didn't, so that makes life easier. But you can think about it. Do you make it black and white? People are really in the church— divorce is a sin. If you're Catholic, you cannot marry for the second time, as Polish people know.

51 years.

51 years, wow. Okay, I have to learn from you. Or think about things out of the past. That's not fair, it should not have happened to me. Why this, this? You only can have depression if you think about the past. I like to change the past. So then we start with the belief systems, the justice system, and values of connectives. At the moment you think What happened to me is not fair. That's a justice system. It's hard to let go. So when my second wife ran away after half a year of immigration with a firefighter— a real story— having sex in our just-built house when I was in Sydney, I had some issues with my justice system. I don't know why. It took me, I think, one year to get over that, partly. Because that should not have happened to me. That she betrayed me is okay, but not in our house. With her sentence, we did not do it in our bed. That meant everybody everywhere else. So it took me a long, long, long time. I can now laugh about it, but depression, anxiety, and all those kind of things, I know them by heart. I can tell you, because it was not fair until the moment I changed my justice system. I could let it go. I had to welcome it, that it just happened. But the thing, the more I think about it, it just stays in my life. The extraneous behaviors can help or not help it. Start playing sad music. Where do broken hearts go? Okay, where are the tissues? Looking at your old pictures. Oh, that's where we got married. Oh, that's— that doesn't help you to get over it. It's good for the Kleenex and tissues. It helps a lot. Doesn't help. Or what we do to resolve the pain, drugs and all those kind of crap, doesn't help. I don't do that, but it doesn't help. A bottle of wine is great, but the next day you regret it. Listen, I, me, I regret it. And then we can have bodily, we can have energy systems in our body. We can feel a sore neck, a sore hip. We can store the energy somewhere. First, energy gets somewhere stored. So people do physiotherapy, massage, or chiropractors. And why is that? Because the energy is blocked. So when you work on issues or unhappiness, you have to look at all of them. Where actually is it manifesting? And how can we let go of that? It's not so easy, I always say, but they all are somewhere connected. I love that one may make emotional decisions Extremely happy or extremely sad, you'll have emotional outcomes. Or too optimistic or too negative. Well, this will never happen. Now, we make a decision on that and it will never happen. The moment you start believing it, it could happen. The same if you are totally rational, you're only in your head. Let's put it in an Excel sheet. Let's put my fourth relationship in an Excel sheet. If she ticks all the boxes— sizes, education, wealth— that doesn't work. I can tell you that one. That is a rational decision, doesn't work. They have a rational outcome, doesn't work. Because then the heart doesn't feel. And so actually you have to align all your 3 brains to really live a happy and healthy life. As we just tested out, you have to connect the head, the heart, and the gut to really become aware where is it happening or not happening. Now we did this one, that was later, came where it was later. And then one last thing. On everything that we once learned, we create a belief. We believe eating an apple is healthy. We believe eight hours of sleep is good. By the way, it's a fact partly, but we still believe it. We believe we're morning persons or evening persons. We believe whatever we believe. We believe there's a God. There's no God. We believe we can change. We cannot change. We can believe we can be healthy, not healthy. And we hold them in our head, our heart, and our gut. So all the beliefs we like to change are also somewhere stored. I can believe here I can do this, and my heart says, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're not worth it, Chris. You messed up so many things, you're not worth it. And my gut says, that's not a safe thing to do, by the way, Chris. Are you stupid? You already dislocated your shoulder 3 times. Don't do those kind of things. And how do we learn them? Traumas, even if they're minor. If you got beaten up when you were young, you learned some beliefs. When your girl runs away, or when I was— I love to dance. When I was 17 on a dance school, being a great dancer, at least in my perception, I'll never forget one of the girls said, you're really amazing, the only thing I really like about you are your teeth.

Yes.

Ja, het is really true, by the way. You can laugh about it. One, I'm extremely precious about my teeth because that's the only thing that people love. Secondly, it's not good for your self-esteem. And so somewhere I created belief. Okay, I should at least smile to people. They see my best asset. It's really true. And you can learn it from TV. Look at Big Bang or whatever. They're sad. What does Penny do when she's sad? Start drinking. So we think drinking is a solution for sadness. We learn things from social media. I look at WhatsApp, Facebook, what they do. You start believing it's true. You know, Penny gets paid $1 million for one episode. Don't believe what they say. They get paid for that. And these kind of beliefs, we all have them somewhere in our heart or mind or gut. I should be perfect or I cannot fail. Perfectionism. Literally, most girls have that partly based on how society portrays women, what they should or shouldn't have, how they should or shouldn't look. My emotions are great indicators of action. So I feel I need the chocolate. For me, that's true, by the way. I feel I need the chocolate. I feel I really need some cheese and some red wine. And my emotions are extremely good deciders on the evening. No, they're not. Let's just say I'm tired and I like to indulge myself. I have to avoid rejection. A lot of people are brought up with that idea. It feels painful to feel rejected, so they stay in whatever kind of unhealthy relationship or with people. I'm not good enough. No. Raise your hands, I would say, who once had that belief. And I think everybody will raise his hand somewhere. Yes, I'm one of them. Because we all had it somewhere. We're not good enough. And particularly a lot of parents installed it in us. Not because they hate us, but they think it will make us stronger. I cannot do, or people would put themselves down and not slim, not smart, not attractive, etc., etc., etc. Comes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We're almost done. Yes, life's not fair. So I know by heart I should not push them up. So when we look how we operate, our deepest emotions, instinct, when you look at little babies around. They seek happiness, belonging, love, and like to avoid pain. Look at the little baby. They smile at you. They like to be cuddled, and they don't like a wet diaper. And when they have pain, they just start screaming. Later in life, we learn values from our parents. We learn passion, trust, sadness, anger, sadness. And most of us cannot declare them anymore. Men need to learn to trust not to trust. It happens most times in the first seven years of our life, and we don't remember that. Secure and insecure attachment theory is done before the third year of your life. If you're secure and insecure attached by your parents, so if you knew if what hap what was happening with your parents. Most people, forty percent of population is insecure attached, so they don't know what their parents would or wouldn't do when they were young. Would they scream or smile? Would they say yes or would they say no? So based that we didn't know. We created avoidant. Later in life, when we start working, we use justice. What is right? What is wrong? The rules, experience, and we can declare that. That's actually guiding all of us. We all have it somewhere, and that is what makes us communicate, present, and look how we look. And this morning, I thought, oh, I'm going to be here, going to be filmed. Let's wear a polo. Why? Because the shirt I wanted to wear was a little bit different. I thought, oh, that will not look good on the camera. How do I know? Because somewhere down there I was taught in Europe a polo at least looks a little bit decent. Don't wear just a t-shirt, Chris. So I changed differently, but we can change extremely fast and quick. So how can you change? The top you can change with mind power. I just come home, I can change my polo within 2 seconds. Well, 10. I'm not so fast anymore. If you like to go down, talk therapy counts, and psychology, NLP, you can work extremely good on the things you can still remember. Of course, you can talk about it, you can remember it, you can declare it. The moment you really like to have change in different kind of parts you cannot declare, I would say Living Your Potential, one of the workshops I do, or hypnotherapy. Why hypnotherapy? Because it works on the part that cannot talk. So you can call it subconscious. Not because I, I like to sell it, because I do everything, but I just came aware it's the best thing that ever happened. When I look at my clients who are totally messed up when they come in and extremely happy when they walk out. We can change. And if we— our self-relation depends on having a frank relationship with ourselves. If not, we need something else. Source, Bissen van der Kolk. I have to keep time there. This is what I do more. If you like to know more, booth 29, uh, 92. 92. I'm dyslexic, so I turn on the things. 92, somewhere there. hypnotherapy. If not, I give the speech to you because I think we should end somewhere.

Thank you, Chris. Could everyone give Chris a huge round of applause? And I think the happiness register probably went up for a few of us, and we probably scored a little bit higher because he introduced such fabulous humor through the learning. So that was fantastic. So a huge Applause for Chris.

Oh, again, a second one.

Thanks so much.

And if you have questions, I'm still downstairs. We can have a private talk or whatever.