CSChristoffel SneijdersThree brains: head, heart and gut for decisions you keep deferring

How To Overcome The 3 Biggest Mental Blocks Stopping Your Happiness | Achieving Happiness

27 Sept 2016 · 3 min

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3:11

In this short motivational talk, Christoffel Sneijders identifies three primary mental barriers that keep people from achieving a flourishing, happy life: (1) fear of change, (2) the internal critical voice that judges and discourages new behavior, and (3) feedback from others that pressures individuals to stay the same. He explains each barrier with everyday examples (e.g., weight‑related choices, the inner dialogue that says “that’s not you,” and friends or partners reacting negatively to personal growth). Sneijders also points out that even when a change is objectively positive, people’s social feedback often remains negative because they are accustomed to the old behavior. He suggests probing the intent behind such feedback—asking whether the change is actually perceived as positive—to better understand and navigate external resistance. The talk ends with a reflective encouragement to consider these blocks and keep moving toward personal development.

Chapters

Hey, last time we spoke about barriers of change. The barriers of change to have a flourishing life, to have success, to have achievement. And we spoke about the fear of change. The second thing that researchers really found out that stops people from changing is somewhere that critical voice we have in our head. That voice that says, that's not normal, do normal again. No, Christopher, you really should not do that. Keep the same. That's not you. Boys don't act like that. And internal judgments we have in our own mind that stops us from really changing. And maybe you can wear sometimes by yourself. You like to do something, and something in your head says, "Maybe not. That is not me." Oh, I don't like that. We don't internalize really that we want it. There's somewhere something inside our head just says no. I see a lot of people have weight issues. One side says be healthy, the other side says oh no, take the sugar please, take those things. That's okay. In the third part, we still have some time. The third one is feedback from others. What keeps us the same is feedback from others. We change, we do something differently. We come home and the partner says, hey, you changed. Did you go to counselor? Did you see your coach today? Did you learn something? No, I don't like that. Just be normal again. Your friends do it, your parents do it. Everybody around you doesn't like to see you changing most of the times. Based on the first barrier we have, we don't like change. And every change is something like could be a fear. Don't fix it if they ain't broken. So if they know you, they like the way you are. So if you then change, even if it's positive in development, people say, hey, you're strange, you're doing odd things. Be the same, please. And people start doing that. If you ask those people, by the way, hey, you said remark that stay the same. But his new behavior, his new attitude, is it more or less positive than what you saw before? Most of them will say, no, it's more positive. And if you ask them, then why did you say stay the same, don't change? They say, yeah, but I already know him for a couple of times and it's easier because then I do know what he means. Something to think about, that even though you do something positive, People don't like to change, so feedback from others in change is not always the best. Or you have to dive deeper in them and ask them if my change is positive or less positive for them. Okay, have a good thing, have a good thought about it. See you next time. Ciao.