ICF ICW 2023 From Which Brain are YOU Coaching? Head, Heart, or Gut? Tuesday 12 AM

Resume recording. There it is. It's over there. So the people who I see, I can wave to you. That's good. For the people I don't see, I can still wave to you. That's okay. So welcome. Let's make it a beautiful day to remember. From which brain are you coaching? Your head, your heart, or your gut? And my intention is to give you the best of all the things I know, and my request to you is get the best out of it. So it means if you have questions, if you have comments or something else, put them all in the chat or just unmute yourself, say, oh, stop, Chris, oh, oh, important question or important remark or an important disagreement, and we can make it happen. Because who is me? Besides, I'm an executive coach, like maybe the most of you. MCC according to ICF, so a master coach. More than 30 years of experience. I'm a visiting professor at the business school here. I'm a supervisor, so I can supervise you all or mentor you all. I'm a clinical psychotherapist, hypnotherapist. I ran a school of that in Australia when I was still living in Australia. And also I'm the founder of the 3 Brains Academy, 3 Brain Coach Certification Training. It has 40 CCEUs if you follow the training. And the last 6 years, I would say this is almost my passion because I came aware while being a coach but also much more a therapist, well, what keeps us stuck? Why do people don't get rid of their traumas, their abuse history, their addictions, their— I don't know, kind of all the kind of crap we somewhere collected during our life. And in all my studies, all my things, I came aware that actually from the Body That Keeps the Score somatic trainings I did, hey, we have a heart brain and a gut brain. And when I somewhere had that notice, as of like a light bulb When done, let's start to dive in it deeper and deeper. The pity is there are only 2 books written about it. One is mine, and the other one is from Grant Solusu, if I pronounce correctly. He founded M-Braining, also from Australia. I never met him, Pitflip, because he died 4 years ago. And do us all respect, it's not updated anymore in the last 5, 6 years. Because he was really the pushing force in that. It's really pity because we keep ourselves a little bit alive in that part. And I came aware also while working with my clients and my students that it can have massive changes. And what the beauty is, although I originally created this training as a therapy training, and I changed this three years ago to a coaching training for ICF. that based on the premises we have in the head, heart, and gut, you can do amazingly coaching for really serious issues. What in the old times you would say somebody go to, go to a therapy, you could do it in coaching. And I will tell you later why. But the trick is that your head and your heart and your gut have something massively different why it can be happening. Yeah. Now just remember this big promise. And the later one, I give you the clue for that. So we have 1 hour 15 minutes, and now a little bit less. So we go away with it. And in the meantime, you see me sometimes moving away because then click still to that people enters. What's my intention? Your takeaways, as I promised. Nope, cannot do 2 things in the same moment. I cannot click somebody to admit I come aware and then right away click on my slides. What's the impact of coaching for the head, heart, and gut? How does it influence the connection and success with the client? How assist clients in that? What's the solution? Essentials of the 3 brain science and theory. And I put some emphasis on that because if you know how it works and why it is 100% scientifically true, your work will never be the same anymore because then you cannot deny it anymore. And I've got a beautiful gift for you. At the end of the presentation, if you'd like to learn more. And if you did not do it, then there's a free— and I send it so many times to all of you— a free brain preference assessment. It's free. It's a quick one that gives you insight. What is your preference? How you make decisions? And I can tell you up now, with all the people I saw, that all your dominant brain, or the brain that is almost never communicating in you, Erases your things that you are regretting in life because or you follow your dominant brain too much or you don't listen to, say, the silent brain. So having said that, let's jump in. Which brain is active? So right away to make you a little bit awake for the people who are there and can also connect. And I see that Evelien is— yes, your hair is beautiful, Evelien. So Ida, also So I know what I do to save and always my hair clip. Now, what's your present situation? For something for the chat. So just imagine it from this moment onwards, you're working as a manager in a company. The company predicted massive growth the last couple of years, hired a lot of new people. The growth is not happening, is not materializing. So the board made the decision, we're going to cut the employees in half. It's almost like working for Twitter. Only they do it a little bit more human because they give you an option from how should we work with this. And the 10 employees in your department, 5 should be made redundant, and the board gives you some options. So they're not like Ellen who just tweets you from this is it. What's option A? To say, hey, you let go of the 5 older people in your department. It's a really physical job, so production-wise it makes the most sense. to let them go. Doing so, it means for those older people, they'll never get a job again. Probably it will affect their income, their finance, and probably their social life. So it has a massive impact on them, but production-wise, best solution. The second option they give to you is, say, no, you let go of the 5 younger employees. They get a job easily back again based on their age and experience. But you're only stuck with the 5 older employees. The third one is say, no, we do, we hired a consultant and they said LIFO, last in first out. That means it's not age-related, but just see who came in last because they will leave first. If you would do that little option, that sounds rather logical, then you have 3 older people and 2 younger people in your team. As I said, the last 2 years you get a massive influx of people. And option D is you go back to the board to say, now none of those 3 options really suit my system, so what's more? So just in the chat, A, B, C, or D, what would you do? Yes, and there is no right or wrong. It will not be held against you, but just choose this thing. By the way, it also gives right away an ID how many people are actually listening to me, because people who don't respond probably or they don't know the answer or they're not listening and are still on their iPhone doing something else, thinking that that's more important while they miss actually the most important thing, this training or this webinar. D D D D D D D. Wow! A lot of these. Okay. I thought already you did not agree with the board. That's amazing. So you know what's the funny part? I did this little exercise, I think up to now, 1,000 times for— with 1,000 people, I mean, in companies or with coaches like you. I assume you're coaches. I know what's the answer. 80% of all the coaches respond C or D. And in this case, it's 100%. Ah, the Swedish law allows me to make some exceptions. We love the Swedish people, one of the happiest countries to live in, just like Finland. But if you would now, if I do this test in, say, the business environment and the finance or production directors are in, they always say, Chris, that's a no-brainer. Production-wise, it makes the most sense to do A. We're not going to kill the company. We go for A. Done. So I'm— oh, sorry. So I'm curious, how easy would it be for you to choose to change your option actually to A? Or what do you become aware inside yourself when you say, I'm now going to verbalize and communicate A? How easy would that be for you? What would you then become aware of inside yourself? Resistance, sensations, feelings. You're now actually going to get out of this webinar. You think, now, if this is a career, this is such a crazy idea. Has go to a I'm not following Christopher anymore. Because if it's easy for you. Well, let's make it different. If it's not easy for you, then why do we expect that our clients, production or finance managers, can easily swap their opinion to another one? So if we have issues now internally with going for A, then how easily would say our client who chooses A Go for C or maybe D. Had the same feeling. Now, this is also the essential 3-brain coaching, because if you're not willing to change, and willing is or capable or have resistance or have second thoughts or second feelings about it, your client has the same. And I told you, I told you 3 times, production-wise, it makes the most sense. Your company is in bad weather. And still you choose for a social one instead of actually what saves the company, probably, maybe. Okay, so you choose for the heart or for the head if you choose D, actually, instead of the gut, because the A is the gut, B is partly the heart. C is actually the heart and the head because it's the most honest and it does not connect with you. So it's actually a head solution because you don't have to choose. There's no emotions involved. And D is actually also head because you don't agree with all of them, or it comes from internal value system of the heart. And so this is essential for 3-brain coaching because your logic cannot override Your feelings, sensations, emotions, or values. And how many times do we not recognize this with our own clients? That logically they understand what they should or shouldn't do, but emotionally they cannot swap. Who agrees that we see those clients? I do at least. And they say to me, logically you're right, Chris, but emotionally I cannot go this. It goes against my values, my system, my principles, or whatever. So how do we work with that? And by the way, what does it mean? There's a coachee. So this is somewhere based on the 1,500 assessments I did up to now in coaches and the business world, what is somewhere an average score. You are the blue ones if you're a coach. Head, something like 36, 35. Heart above 40. Gut underneath 30. But the average C-suite executive, and yes, this is the C-suite executives, not first-line management, but really the higher echelons, they choose for gut on 40, head on 40, and their heart is underneath the 30. So we have a mismatch. So if we have this mismatch, mismatch, one It's a reason for them to choose us. But on the other hand, how much can we coach them? Because who of you knows the word rapport? You have to make a good connection with your client to make it happen. It's also one of the core competencies of ICF. How can you now make good rapport if your systems, what you find important in life, are different? Because rapport is one of the things you share the same values besides sitting in the same way and doing the same movements. It is feeling also the same. So how can you really do that? Hence, 3 Brain Coaching is a solution. And of course, we have to solve that mismatch somewhere. How easily can we change so we can connect with the client so they can change? What is now the 3 brain science? I talked a lot about head, heart, gut already. What's the science behind it? Why do, why do I say what is actually is true? Although in the Asian world and also in old other kind of tribes, regions, they already knew this for thousands of years almost. Even Darwin knew this more than 150 years ago. Only in Western science, only 30 years ago, we proved all those people were right. It's really amazing how stubborn we are in the Western world. So biology of the 3 brains. In my old days, I was explaining people this: we have 3 brains evolution-wise in our head. The first brain we got is the reptilian brain, then later in evolution we got an emotional brain, and even later on that we got a neocortex brain, what we call the human brain. Who still believes that? Okay, I put my hand down because I don't believe it anymore. I don't hope you now say yes, but and if you do, it's good because I will do my extreme best to make you change it because it's totally scientifically proven bullshit. Excuse my French. I said it. I just put some dots there not to say it to remind me. But I like that you really get it in your system. It is not true. Scientifically, it's proven by many research. The latest one is Lisa Barrett Feldman that a reptile, say a crocodile. We all know what a crocodile is. It does the big green monsters you can make beautiful shoes and handbags from. Don't tell the crocodile you're going to do that because he will not enjoy that. Anyhow, a crocodile has in his DNA setup the same principles, the same connections, the same DNA numbers as us to create a fully functioning brain. So You could, if you really are Dr. Frankenstein, do epigenetics on the crocodile and give him this brain. And why it doesn't happen? Because their epigenetics and their setup is different. Also because they have— and reptiles are cold-blooded and we are warm-blooded. That also has something, something to do with it, but that's a totally different story. This is not true. So crocodiles, 400 million years old or 200 million years old, Have the same setup as this. So reptilian brain, emotional brain, neocortex brain does not exist in evolution as we thought it. So we cannot blame our reptilian brain that we are upset because they cannot hack us. Our amygdala cannot hack us. That's totally bullshit again. So who is our ancestor? Why is it not true? I will just give you a simple No-brainer logical reasoning. This living creature is something we all come from. It's not totally true because this is a living creature in the current state, and it was really a long, long time ago he did not exist, but it had the same setup. So this is the setup. This is a living creature in every sea in the world. In your fridge, it looks green. What is it? I see you never did really pay attention during biology classes. Come, come, come. Who of you is a diver? Who of you sometimes goes in the sea? Ah, what's happening here? Am I now the only one who's crazy? Probably yes. I never ask a question you don't like to have an answer on. An algae mold. You're almost there, Laura. I put it in the chat so you can all see it. What is it? What do you see in the chat now? A sea cucumber. I gave you a hint. You can find it in your own fridge, that green thing. Of course, if you eat sometimes vegetables. Only don't eat a sea cucumber because they're— although they are also delicious in some cultures. They're poisoned. What is the freaking amazing of this living creature? Why do I bring that up? What is it missing? What does it not have? That's not a potato, Kaitian. A cucumber is a green vegetable. What is it missing? What is it not having? You can put it in chat. Hey, come on, this, this is easy. You can read it. It has a stomach, an intestine, It has some fluffy hair. It has some tubey feet. It doesn't have a mind. Yes, you're totally right. It does not have a brain. And what else is missing besides this beautiful thing on top of her shoulders? Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. Yes, Gullian, it doesn't have a heart. This freaking amazing living creature Can do all the things it does. It can survive for millions of years without a heart or a head. This is actually where we all originate from. In principle, we are all coming from a living stomach, and we still have that system inside us. If you do, uh, and go to the between your buttocks, you find also something, and you would Look at that. It's almost like this. It's almost similar. And science came aware 30 years ago, at least Michael Gershwin, that actually this is still almost working as an independent system inside us. So now let's go to the real science. Real science, I mean Western science, and also then make the chat. What does it mean for coaching? The gut brain. In the second brain, my doctor neurobiologist Michael Gershwin described that our gut, and I mean the gut comes from there to your anus, works as a fully functional neural network, hence a brain. It has 500 million neurons, what is popular called brain cells, mostly around your small intestine. and your other organs, and it operates totally independently and can make decisions. What is the amazing thing of your gut brain? Probably now you know it if you look on LinkedIn or those things. It's, it's your immune system. It produces all the neurotransmitters and hormones except oxytocin, the love hormone that you need to survive. Serotonin to make us feel good. Cortisol to give you all the energy. Dopamine. To reward you, you should remember. You don't need drugs for that. Epinephrine, norepinephrine, just to give you that little stress boost. Benzodiazepines to make you chill like you have just 5 Xanax and Valium. We have it all. We don't need any external pharmaceutical company to give us a drug because every pharmaceutical drug is actually based on all the neurotransmitters we already have. Our system knows perfectly what we have. If somebody is working here for a pharmaceutical, probably they will not be my friend anymore, and probably I become on their blacklist. But life goes as it goes, and research shown it can go with instinct. Ah, gut and instinct. Now instinct is a word we describe For a sensation as a knowledge, and gut instinct is used many times because we feel that instinctive sensing is actually what to do with our whole body. And because if you go with your hand to the stove, your instinct says don't put your hand on the stove when it's hot because you already sense it, and this one is even not responding. So your heart could also have a sensing system. But yes, your gut has an instinct means it has its own functioning independent brain and gives you signals through. what we call instinct to do it or not to do it. This is Michael Gershon, this little guy here, when I was following one of his workshops. And why this? I'm going to show you how amazing your gut system is and it can work totally independent. This is the small intestine of a guinea pig. And as you would say, they only kept this, the rest they put in the garbage can. And what they put in here is a little pellet. They kept the nerve system, hence the brain system, alive, or at least around the small intestine. In the right picture, they took away the nerve system, and now see what's happening. And nothing else is connected there, but really see what's happening. Uh, now you notice this is a guinea pig intestine, and there's nothing there. The brain and the gut and the guinea pig are in the garbage. And the bowel has detected that pellet and it's moving it along. And that is the law of the intestine, the peristaltic reflex— oral contraction, anal relaxation— that's propelling. And if you take the intrinsic circuitry out and put the pellet in, nothing happens. The muscle twitches a little, but it doesn't move. So that— Okay. So what does this mean? This is really extremely important. Now, what does this mean? You can put it in the chat. You can say it now out loud. It means that your small intestine can detect something. It has a life on its own. Absolutely cool. It's just like that little sea cucumber inside you. It can detect something. Based on the detection, it can make a thought process. What you say, will, it can think from what the, what the is happening, what the shit is happening with me. Something puts something in my intestine. And based on what the shit is happening with me, it makes a decision. And based on the decision, it takes an action. In this case, putting the pellet out. You're Ja, het is in de natuur van haar body te expelleren. Je hebt totaal recht, Kees. Ja, maar alleen je kleine intesten kan doen dit. Ik hoor mezelf komen terug. Zo, somewhere, somewhere has this mute all. So, okay, that's done. I muted you all, not because I don't hear you, but somebody was. bouncing back in sound. So your gut, and actually your small intestine, is the only organ in your body who can make the decision. Also your big intestine. So your intestine is the oldest system evolution-wise inside us. And that thought process it had when it was originated as a living gut 500 million years ago is still alive in us. And what does it mean Now is just a pellet. What does it mean? And that's what Michael Gerson came aware of. Oh, we first do the heart. That when you think about our coaching, that to survive, it makes all the decisions to survive, just like a sea cucumber. We'll do that after this slide because, come here. Oh yeah, the synopsis is after the heart brain. First, I give you the 2 brains, then the synopsis. The heart brain. A little bit earlier than Michael Gershwin, André Moore wrote a research document beginning of the '90s about that the heart has a functional brain, smaller, only 100,000 brain cells instead of the 500 million, but it can work totally independently. It has all the characteristics as brain, and it can also make decisions independently. It's not in the slide I came aware, But maybe you can remember I told you that the gut is making all the neurotransmitters and hormones except one. The one it's not producing is oxytocin. And do you know what oxytocin does? It's the love drug. If you release oxytocin in somebody, it feels love. It's the love connection. It's done in the amygdala and in the heart. And what is the reason for that? It means we like to connect, we like to bond. And Michael, uh, uh, Andrea Moore also came aware your heart can really remember. And Gary Schwartz, also cardiologist, did research in all the people who got heart transplants and came aware that everybody who got a heart transplant got new habits, beliefs, preferences, and even memories That can only be connected to the donor of the person. There's even some horrendous, amazing stories of people who really remember things from the other person. Even there's one story of a kid who got a heart from another kid, got intrusive dreams and nightmares that he was killed. They went to psychiatrists, police. They came where actually the kid, he got the donor heart from Was killed based on the dreams the new kid had. They could find actually the murderer of the old kid. It's too crazy to be true, but it is documented by the police, hospital doctors, psychologists. So it is true. Just imagine. This is the quality of the heart. Now, this is André Amour, and he's going to tell you by himself what he found amazingly. The neurologist, Dr. Andrew Amour from Montreal in Canada. After many years treating patients with heart disease, he observed there was more to the heart than the current scientific model could explain. In those days, in the '60s, there was no consideration of the nervous system. The heart was just a pump. And the reason is because people have not had the facility to see the heart in any other form. You look at it and it's a pump, right? As he looked closer, He noticed something remarkable. I started to record outside the heart and found neurons that no one had expected before. And I thought, gee, that's sort of nice. I wonder if that could be on the heart, right? So from there, and having developed techniques that I felt good about, I put them on a heart and bingo, they worked. He had discovered a sophisticated collection of neurons in the heart. According to him, they were organized into a small but complex nervous system. He called it the little brain in the heart. Suddenly, our traditional views on the brain and intelligence were being challenged. If the heart had brain cells, could it have its own unique type of intelligence? Why these 2 little videos? Because I love that you get in your system somewhere. I'm not able to see the slides video. Where can I access it? Oh wow! Yes, more people have the issue because I see it all perfectly, so I don't see in my computer what's wrong. But if you change your view in Zoom, it should sort the issue. Yes, I've seen it perfectly. Okay, so. It's only you. If it doesn't work, one promise, I will send you the slide pack after this presentation as a PDF so everybody can see it, just like I can send you the recording so everybody can still see it. Anyhow, why did I show you those 2 videos? Because if anything taken out of this, I hope you do more, is that your heart and your gut are really brains. And it has a massive effect on how you can work with people. So if you say to somebody in the future, just follow your heart, it has a consequence. If you say to somebody, just follow your gut, it has a consequence. Because what's now the, the beauty of it? Now we come— they have different responsibilities. Yeah, their main responsibility is to make us alive and happy and good and all this kind of stuff, but they have different strategies to do so. And those different strategies could mess up. That's why when you are in front of the fridge being hungry, Your head says, let's go for the carrot salad, and your stomach says, let's go for the cheesecake, the wine, the chips, the wine. Come on, Chris, why would you ever think about carrot salad? That's not making me happy. That internal discussion for the fridge— of course, I'm talking by myself, you never have those— is actually when your 3 brains try to please you with different responsibilities. So what does your God loves to do. It likes to keep you alive. It likes to keep you successful. It likes to give you safety. So it does everything that you're successful so you can stay alive. So it's what I call the me brain— me, myself, and I. It has the same— it has the same social qualities as that sea cucumber or the crocodile. Now, I never saw crocodiles being friends with each other. So to give you that idea, how do we notice it inside us? Fear, anger, hate to protect us when there's danger. Lust and desire, otherwise we would not have little kids and we would not eat something that's yummy. There comes the cheesecake, the wine, the chocolate, and the ice creams. It has hungry to feed us, to feed the whole system, and disgust to protect us from something that's yucky. In a rich and bad food, but then now there's also people. Ah, you disgust me. Your heart brain also likes to keep you happy in life. Only one question: I will just when we were born, how independent were we? Say a giraffe can run in half an hour. A cat can run in two weeks and take care of himself. How easily was this for us humans? Also 2 weeks or half an hour? Nope, this is not for me. Maybe for you, but it takes years and years and years. Absolutely, Nicole, it takes years. So what does it mean if somebody is not taking care of us? We die. We're helpless for a long time. Absolutely, Will. So that means we are depending on our caregivers, hence parents, grandparents, uncles, nephews, neighbors, and whatever. Bonding is the biggest survival system we have as humans. Bonding is essential. Hence we have peer group pressure, all this kind of stuff. We like to bond. Without bonding, we don't survive. So that means your heart brain, where the oxytocin is released, knows, feels, senses your sickness from love, compassion, hate, sadness, guilt, shame. And also the values of good and wrong. Everything to stay connected with the people around you or with the bigger environment. You can see different responsibilities. Me, myself, and I, us. And what does the head do? I don't have a separate slide because most people know it. 100,000 million neurons. Freaking amazing. Takes 20% of all our energy. I will never say our head is not freaking amazing. But why does it take 20% of all our energy? You ever thought about that? Why is this such an extremely big user? Why do we have all those memories? Why do we have 1.5 kilos in our— between our ears? And why do we remember so much? What's the sense of survival for having memories? Only one reason you see there to provide the right solution, because everything you learned could help you to make a better decision now. That's why we have memories, and this one is one big database, a database with more neurons than stars in the Milky Way, with more connections than 10 Milky Ways. And I told you in the beginning that we could coach people without becoming a therapist because the head, the heart, and the gut has something massively different. And I put in bold what is different. Your head has 2 things, our head, what your heart and gut don't have. And that's why we can coach people in 3-brain coaching through massive amount of issues. They have words, blah blah blah blah, language. That makes it difficult because your heart and gut only work in sensations. Your gut doesn't say, hey bro, I don't think this is a good idea for you. Don't buy bitcoins or don't go for this scam. It just gives you that little nauseous feeling. And there's something else, and that makes the massive difference in how we work— time. Your head knows what's tomorrow and what's yesterday. It can do a cause and effect analysis. Your heart is just as smart or just as dumb, whatever you like to say, as your dog or your cat. It only thinks now, instant gratification. Because if your gut was smart, it would not say to me, go for the cheesecake, and by the way, it does— it works amazingly with wine, Chris. Then my gut would say, you know, if you do that, you lose your six-pack, Chris. You have to buy new pants. My gut doesn't say them. It just— my gut just says, yummy, can I have more? Because it doesn't do cause and effect analysis, just thinks about now. So everything that happened to us in the past, we can remember. Your heart and your gut think it's now. That's why PTSD, post-traumatic stress syndrome— people can have that. The time system in their head is disconnected. Based on the trauma, their heart, their gut still believe it's now. Hence they got stuck. The moment we share to the head, heart, and gut, it's really in the past. You're now walking in, in my case, Madrid. You're not walking in Iraq anymore. Bam! Almost on the instant, the PTSD is gone. I will not say it's for everybody so easy, but I Worked as a firefighter who solved his issues of PTSD in one session with me. I was freaking amazed because actually all his connections were extremely simple, connected to one horrendous case he experienced. When we put that case in the past, boom, he walked out smiling, happy, and whatever. I got two letters of his wife that they said, you saved our marriage. I'm still surprised about. Of course, this is one of the beautiful success stories. But he proved again, it's just a memory. Now let's go back to coaching. So in one slide, one word, what does it do? Your gut brain is the winner. That's the Formula 1 Max Verstappen. That's the person who lets you work during the night to make the proposal. That's the person that gives you that extra stress to make it happen. That is the, that is the person who gives you the perfectionism feeling for make it perfect. What's the pitfall? Me, myself, and I first. There's the social awareness of the crocodile. What is his biggest fear? Vulnerability. Because if you're vulnerable, what happens? You depend your success on somebody else. So if you like to detect a gut-brain dominant person, and I will say that look in your own relationships, Or your past relationships, if the person cannot say sorry, red flag. So if you're in the dating scene, just ask on the next date to say, hey, just curious, how many times in your life did you say sorry? If they say, nah, maybe one or two, drink up your wine and run away. And let him pay, by the way, or let her pay. If they say, ah, I'm sorry, I didn't tell you. Sorry is my second favorite word. Then you say, ah, let me buy you your wine. Okay? Because then they have a heart brain because that loves to take care. That loves to think about others first. That, that person will open the door for you without any second reason, without thinking, how do you look? How do you look in lingerie? That open will help you without thinking, can I send you an invoice? That person you call at 11 o'clock in the night and say, of course I will help you. Those are your best friends. What's the biggest fear? Rejection. So these persons with this high dominance, and you're coaches, so probably many of you have this issue, you cannot set boundaries. You don't do self-care. You help everybody else, and in the evening you're totally wasted out of your energy and think, oh shoot, I don't have energy anymore. I help everybody. Where's me? My understanding, all of our fears, self-doubts, limiting beliefs come from the mind brain. No, Gorian, actually knowing them is here. Your limiting beliefs are— most of them are stored somewhere in your heart. It's based on what things you learned. Things of trauma experience are stored in the gut. Self-doubt is actually a gut system. Self-confidence is gut. If you have a huge Self-belief, and God has that. You don't have self-doubt because you just believe I'm great. It's something like the former president of America, you know, that person who says that he's freaking amazing smart. He doesn't have self-doubt. Everybody else is there to blame. Your head knows because these have a beautiful connection with each other, and if these ones have something, they send the signal upstairs: give me an answer. Why do you remunerate? Because you think about what did I do wrong in the past? That's actually your heart brain asking the head brain, why did the person doesn't love me? Why did I say wrong? Past questions keeps you awake during the night or fear for tomorrow or later. Gut brain, my presentation, my proposal, my finance, my things. The gut brain is thinking, oh shit, what's happening with my safety? Sends the signals upstairs, predict me the future. This one starts running like crazy. You cannot fall asleep because this one does overtime, and that's there. So they always work together, right? Because what does your head love to do? To analyze, give the perfect answer, and really dislikes mistakes. So what happens if you have one of the dominances? And then also answer your question, Kunyang. I need to know. I need. That means it's not voluntary anymore. Too much head brain. It leads to perfectionism, anxiety, insomnia. If you have an I need to stay connected, I need to please others, I have to do everything to stay there even though he or she is a big F. Bad relationships, toxic leadership, toxic partners. It means you get a burnout, depression, or chronic diseases. Or like my ex, you got shot by your partner because he had a gut brain, she had the heart brain. Too much I need to succeed is me, myself, and I. Toxic leadership, anxiety, control freak, and power-driven. That's actually what happens if one of your brains is extremely dominant. and you cannot switch anymore. This is happening with your clients when they cannot switch. When they say, I have issues with perfectionism, originates from fear of rejection or fear of not succeeding, and the head brain is running overtime. Anxiety, the same. Insomnia, the same. The head brain issues are always a response of the heart brain or the gut brain that have an unresolved issue. Okay, let's go to solutions. What can we do? But before the solutions, let's share what is now the difficulty for us, for our clients to change. Now we all know, or maybe you don't, but in literature most times it's said, and if you go to the guru books of Atomic Habits, Immunity to Change, and all those kind of beautiful guru books, They will say you need understanding, willingness, and ability. If you understand what what you have to change, if you are willing to under change, if you have ability to change, you can. The NLP gurus yes we can. We can walk on fire. Actually, I'm also a fire instructor, so I know how to walk on fire. But it is not only common from this because who of you had or maybe is having issues with procrastination, eating unhealthy? Setting boundaries or saying no, work-life balance issues, maybe depressions or anxieties. Who had them? I raised my hand. We're still having them. So thank you for being so honest. How's that possible if we know it's extremely unhealthy? I'm the founder of this training, of this concept, and I have issues. It doesn't mean that I'm better than you, absolutely not, far from. But even though I know, sometimes I cannot because those take over. These are actually all signals that your 3 brains are misaligned, that one of the other one is taking over, as I just said. So it's not enough. And what is the second issue why we have difficulties with change? It is actually the solution most of those self-help gurus give to you, and that's the solution this little baby has to learn to walk. How many times does a baby have to fall down on their buttocks, on their diaper, to learn to walk? How many times do you think? More or less than 100? More or less than 500? Maybe thousand? A thousand times. So we have to fall down a thousand times to learn to walk or to stand. This is what we call the law of repetition. Do it until you succeed. Now, who of you is a gold medal winner on the Olympics? None of you? Now I'm also not, so I put my hand down. Who of you is willing to train 6 hours a day to be amazing? Who's willing to do the 10 hours Malcolm Gladwell says in The Tipping Point to become the master? Most of us don't. That's not because we're whatever, it's just because it's extremely hard. The gurus always say use repetition. That means at least half an hour daily repetition. You do that for 21, but preferably for 36 days. So 6 weeks, half an hour a day, and you got that easy new habit installed. That's the time it takes with secondary patches, nicotine patches to stop smoking, they say. And even then they say failing is normal. People usually do it 3 times. So if those patches you put in your arm, you put them on your arm for 6 weeks, don't work after 6 weeks, what's happening? Most of the people will fall down or stop in 2 weeks. And why is that? We don't like to get out of the comfort zone. 95% of all your basic safety and bonding Learnings are done in your first seven years of life. Your first seven years in life, you walk actually in a brainwave of an hypnotic state. Because when do we learn tomorrow and yesterday? In what age? When we are six or seven. Before the age of six or seven, we don't know next week or last week. What is your first memory you have in your life? Is before the age of three, almost nobody. So if I abuse you the first three years of your life, you're totally normal person. No, you're totally messed up. So we remember in the first three years of our life massive things. Only we don't remember them. They're installed in your heart and your gut. That's why people stop. These ones say no. Now, coming from there, what does it mean when we start coaching clients? An exercise to keep you awake, otherwise I'm only talking. So just imagine you see a new client and you're going to communicate from one of your 3 brains, and it could look here like this. The first one say, hey, I see Nicole. So, hey Nicole, I'm going to be your coach, so tell me what's your objective. I almost do the Dutch-German way. And I see Müller with umlauts, so maybe you are. You think, oh, feels like my old professor. The second one is, hey Nicole, I'm grateful to meet you and to be on this journey with you. I will do everything to assist you. So what do you expect from me? What would you like to achieve? That's more the heart-brain approach. The third one is, as you know, David, coaching is a process. These sessions will be one hour on a biweekly basis. Two important questions: What would be the deliverables, or should be the deliverables? And how are you going to measure the success? Head brain option. Which one do you like the most? Which one connects the best with you? B makes sense. We are coaches. You choose already earlier for. For for for A. So how easy is it for you to do C or A? Had to be the real German gesteedsfürach, or the Dutch direct cut the crap approach. I'm Dutch, so I can say that difficult. I love your honesty, Henriette. Me is A. Nicole, ah, friends. Hey Nicole, we're friends. Hard to do C. Yes. And if we have issues to adapt, again, just like the beginning, how easy is it for our clients to adapt? Because our clients also have a preference. And as you saw, the C-suite leaders are the less actually in option B. They choose actually A or C. They like to have a logical process or they like to have a more direct approach. They like to have a kick in between their butt. Of course, like they have sometimes a cuddle, but not in the beginning. So we have to adapt also. They have to adapt. That's the hard thing. We communicate from our brains. And actually, that's why also we have issues because we have what blocks our coaching. We cannot swap so easily between our brains, or we don't use all 3 of them. And we coach from one dominant brain mostly. Our clients are being coached or live also from their dominant brain mostly. And what keeps them stuck, those brains? Because there's a reason why it keeps stuck. There are 5 actually. We have our normal 3-brain score. One dominates the rest and maybe a little bit less heard. I follow my gut feeling in making decision-making. They could have a conflict. You don't have discrimination skills to listen to the best. Me standing in front of the fridge, that example, my heart says yes or my head says no. That's when you fall for the bad boy or the bad girl. I don't know who of you fell for the bad boy or bad girl. Based on my 3 divorces, I could say I did. And you think you can heal them, you can think you can rescue them, you think you can change them because you're a coach or a therapist. And at the end, you, you are heartbroken. You came aware your, your savings are a little bit less. You think, okay, you have to pick up the pieces again. My head said, don't do it. My heart said, oh, of course you can. So wrong. Because they don't listen. One is silent and turned off based on belief and values. I have issues with setting boundaries because it's really important to take care of the needs of somebody else. I don't say easily no because I know other people are also in pain. And we as a coach or therapist are easily falling in that trap. We feel, we feel that we stay connected, the fear for being rejected. Or it could be we had a really painful experience in the past that stops us. I talk about myself because I know those examples, and based on the time, I'm not going to inquire all of you because not everybody likes to share in this massive session. Hey, but I got bullied when I was in high school. What do you think that happens then? How much do you think I trust people after that? Not. So the first 10, 15 years after that, I had issues with trusting people. Although I knew I could trust them, something inside me said, uh, no, you never know. Before you know, they do something horrible to you. And it took me some time to get rid of that system again. Last but not least, they can take over the role. That's, that's the time you, uh, you happen that, um, you think if you feel bad, you have to do Ben and Jerry's or Chardonnay therapy, eating, or McDonald's, or whatever kind of preference you have, eating therapy to comfort yourself. Those 5 systems inside us make it hard because, as I said, they have different kind of responsibilities to make us happy. And although they communicate, do with all respect, most of us are not trained, socialized to listen to all of them. Because if you're the oldest child, how many times do you hear, take care of your brothers or sisters? So don't push away your own needs and do the needs of the system. Oh no, I know it's sometimes difficult to say, oh no, you're a woman, woman, so you should be sweet. Hey, hey, David and I are guys, so we should be tough. We don't cry. Hey, David, we're guys. We don't cry. We don't show emotions. We're tough. So we don't—we're not allowed to—to feel our heart brain. We are socialized actually to fall in one of those three brains. Did you ever thought about what's the schooling system within one to ten? At least in Europe, on your numbers, what you could mark. But actually, it's only about passing and failing. With a six you passed, with a ten you passed. What's it? What's the need of having a ten or a six then? It only makes you compare even better with friends. Hey, Mom, I came back with an eight. That's great. Were you the highest in class? No, no, Peter and Nicole were better. Also David. Oh, so actually not so good. Bam! We have a client in the future again. It doesn't make sense, but we're educated to compare and to compete. Now, the solution in the last 15 minutes we have. Luckily, we can do something with it. So we should have a symmetric view on the 3 brains. And yes, Atip, and this is what happens. So when in 3 Brain Coaching I talk about it, we do analysis which brain is connected with the topic. So based on the words they use, based on the autonomic nerve system, based on the intention they show in the communication, we can become aware which brain is talking, which brain is actually stopping the change as a protector— don't go there— or which brain is supporting the change. And what are you doing now actually? Which brain is actually now in charge? And if you know that, you can coach them on the brain that needs coaching. You can change your questioning, you can change your approach, you can do more somatic things, movements, or that kind of connections to help them. Yes, and mindful of self-aware of the 3 brains. Absolutely, Atip. As a little example, in the time we have, how could you see that? Of course, you're all still here and still enthusiastic. Means that I say you're enthusiastic. Just imagine a quick one I added this morning, knowing that maybe it was squeezing in time. I coached a director with the promises he could become somewhere vice president next year. That's why I was coaching him. Then his CEO, amazing smart lady, says, hey, there's so many changing in the IT, I'd like to take you to project with IE. It's extremely important for the existence of a company. You're the most knowledgeable about AE and experienced actually in this system. What do you think? Are you in? It meant for the director he should skip his current job. The next 1 or 2 years he would be project leader of the IE system. He says, give me time to tomorrow to think about it, dear CEO. He said, okay, you have till 8. So he WhatsApps me, Chris, I need you tomorrow morning at 7 o'clock. I respond, 7 o'clock evening or morning? He says, morning, stupid question. I said, okay, just checking. So at 7 o'clock, having a coffee or two, I sit next to him and said, what's happening? He says, Chris, This is the situation. The stakes are extremely high. I feel I could damage my career seriously if I fail, because it's really we go or we don't go. My colleagues depend on me because I'm really the most experienced person in that project team they already set up. Half of them are really no-nos. I should really get rid of them as soon as possible, but I like— no, I don't like to be the messenger. It doesn't feel good right away to sack half of the people. Because also they don't have a replacement job because they actually stepped in this project full time. So probably some of them will really be out of the company. I said, but also it makes of course sense she asked me because I'm the most knowledgeable. It's my hobby almost. The last 5 years I'm actually in this field. I almost know as much as Bill Gates. And that was a joke actually, but he started laughing about it. But almost as much. So it makes sense. I say yes, but I don't dare to. I said, what do you do? How's it now? It's 7 o'clock in the morning. What's happening? He said, I didn't sleep last night. She WhatsApped me already 3 times. I'm not responding to her because I'm afraid. Okay, let's see what's happening. So if you look at this client, you can actually see in his language which brain is talking. Because the stakes are extremely high with this project. I feel it could damage my serious career seriously if I fail. Which brain is talking? God. Absolutely, Henrietta. Two, one is God, two is heart, three is brain. Nicole, okay, you're smart as you're going too quick. Amazing. You're right. The secondly is your heart. The third one is your head, and the fourth one is actually God. So if you put this say then in logic. This is happening. You have an overview. I did not present this to the client as this show because otherwise he thinks what the hell is happening. But in my thinking, okay, so the head is in, so his heart and gut are not in. What is happening? Can I give a situational solution for now, or should we do some more serious work? Now based on that, still had 20 minutes before it was 8 and he had to call the CEO. We did some quick instant 3 brain fixes. So he could say from 8 o'clock, he called her when I was still there. Dear CEO, if this and this will happen, I'm in. He put it on speaker so she heard it. She said, see, it is done. You're in. She WhatsApps him 2 minutes later, said, I arranged everything. And then he said, Chris, but having said that, now we have a solution. It still doesn't feel good with me. So I need some coaching to make this project happening. And then we went on this different kind of coaching to make more deep change, still in a coaching way. So this is how you could work with it. The solutions, how I did it, I don't have time for that now. But there are amazing things. And I saw just Gary Taylor stepping in. He's a freaking amazing guy. He just started his own coaching practice, 37 years firefighter and chief of firefighting. Amazing guy. So if you ever have a question about the 3-band coaching training, you see the guy now, ask him what's it about because we'll not go in there. Good to see you. So because what happens if we only use, say, our powerful questions, what we like to use as a coach, as ACC, PCC, or MCC? I cannot fail in this project, it's bad for my career. You can ask, how do you know that? What's the proof? What do you need to make this project a success? The standard Answers you get: I don't know, I just feel it, it happened before. So most times say, I know, but it feels not good with me, and they keep that internal discussion. If you ask, hey, my colleagues depend on me, I cannot let them down or fire them, and you say, ask the powerful question, what do you need to change this feeling? Then they can say, I can do ABC, I know, but it still doesn't feel good about it. Or they say, I don't know. Most times they will come aware it doesn't sit with me, it doesn't feel good with me, and I don't know how to change the feeling, Chris. And there, 3 Brain Coaching steps in because then you have to do something else. This one cannot provide the answer anymore because if it could provide the answer, it would know. Yeah, so to make it simple, if the Head brain is the issue. In my words, head brain coaching can be done because it's creating the insights, the awareness, what's happening. Then our powerful questions can give a little ping. I see it now. Thank you, Chris. I write it down. I'm gone. If the heart or the gut are the issue, they cannot say ping. I know it. They have to say yes, ping. I know it, but it feels bad. So then we have to do some other kind of things. We have to let actually Release that and let the 3 brains talk with each other. Because this one has then that feeling and communicates there but cannot actually get out of his system. So we have to release something that they can talk to each other again in a different way, to look at from a perspective, to get in the observer view, to get what we say sometimes in discussion out of the emotion. And we can do that. Now, if you'd like to know more, the cheapest solution Is this amazing book? Ten euros in Kindle, twenty euros if you buy it on paper from Amazon. Of course, you can see it's about relationships because we all have relationships. So I wrote it for everybody. So it's not about your specific coaching, but it gives you sixty pages of solutions: how you can do, what you can do and don't do, and some insights in it. Of course, I say it's freaking amazing, but don't ask the chef if his cooking is okay. I cannot be, I cannot be more biased about my own book. If you'd like to know more about it, you can say you like to master. You think, hey, I'm so enthusiastic, Chris, give me this, give me this, give me this amazing offer. 40 CCEUs, that's enough to right away renew your Your whole training, your AP, your ACC, PCC, MCC. You can right away renew with all the scorecards. You get a discount of me if you join. Why is that? Because I totally also messed up yesterday with Zoom. Zoom renewed my subscription yesterday, changed me from Australia to Spain, reset all my passwords while I was doing the coaching. So nobody— everybody was kicked out and everybody had to join again. And I thought, you know, I give you an offer because I really love that you are in there. Use the discount code, go in there. It's in June, it's in September. I can promise you, you will learn massive tools to solve what you've just done. And there's a second thing, uh, you get massive self-development because the things you still wish, you can almost solve because in those 8 sessions, half of the time is practicing, is coaching each other. So just imagine you get so many experienced coaches around you who can help you. Freaking amazing. Now that's it. What will you master? You can find in the slides. The last 10 minutes, what would you like to know more? I can do a stop share because it's there. I can see you all now. Stop share. Follow me on LinkedIn, connect with me, send me an email. What would you like to know in the last 10 minutes about what we just discussed? What kind of questions do you have? You can put them in the chat. You can just unmute yourself and say, hey Chris, I never heard so many bullshits. How do you mean? Or I have a question, what I like to know more. Don't tell me I all silenced you. 'Cause then it makes me one side extremely scary. That means you're still here, so you didn't run out. So it means you were interested. That's a good sign. The other hand, you think, oh, what's happening? You're all amazing experience. At least you can have one question. Help me. If not, I keep on talking. Yeah, I warn you 'cause I know so much about this. There's an issue. Ah, Nicole, what would you like to ask? Hi. Well, beforehand, I want to thank you for the presentation. I think it was really very, very interesting for me. It was very, very nice, the presentation. And I think I've learned a lot. My question is, when somebody is very focused on the brain-gut or Yeah, on the— no, sorry, on the brain. You have the gut, you have the heart, and you have the brain, no? Yeah, head, heart, gut. Yes. Uh, you were talking when somebody is very in the, in the head, uh, then the coaching is easier, so to say, than when somebody is more on the gut and on the heart, no? Because it's more a feeling state, no? Yeah, yeah, it's— I would not say it's easier, Because that's actually a judgment about, say, how it goes. What I mean is that with the tools you all learned as coach, the powerful questions, the awareness, the understanding, the little bit of confrontation, a little bit of provocation, it can have a short and long-term change because this one does not know. So it's actually an knowledge question, that they did not make the link between the different kind of knowledges. So if this one knows, it swaps right away to there because there's no issue anymore. If the heart and the gut actually disagree, let's call it like that, it becomes a little bit more tricky because first they don't understand the language from, hey dear heart, what do you need to change? You need a little bit more. If they can communicate, if have to do a little bit more to change it because just a powerful question is a lot of times not enough because this one responds to sensations. So what's happening? And sometimes, that's why I said about time, when we have a strong belief or a strong emotional event that actually is coping this behavior now, we have to disconnect actually the old learning or actually the emotion of the old learning. What we in the past went through a therapist and they said, okay, what happened when you were 5? What did your daddy say? Horrible. Tell me more. Actually, because we're now still having it, but your heart or gut doesn't know it's 20, 30, 40 years ago. You can disconnect it momentarily because the moment your heart or gut knows, ah, it was my daddy 20, 30, 40 years ago. Ah, it's all good now. Boom. It releases. So you have to do some coaching for the future on something that happened in the past. But the beauty of 3-Brain Coaching is based on that they don't know time. You don't do it in a therapy way. Don't say, hey, what happened there? Tell me more. Tell me more. So you don't have to solve the issue in the past. You have to disconnect the coping mechanism. Because what happens in us, we have a strong coping mechanism based on an old learning And that old learning said, this is the wise thing to do. If your daddy always said to your parents, always said, take care of your brothers and sisters, then it could still be ingrained for you that you take care. But now, 30 years later, it's not needed anymore. If you would now say to your dad, hey, Dad, do you still like me to have the behavior when I was young? Probably your dad would say, your mom would say, of course not. Come on, you're a grown-up. Take care of yourself. Your brothers and sisters can take care of themselves. Get a life. That stays here, but your heart and gut on that moment need to hear that. The moment you let them hear that, it disappears and people just start running for themselves. And how we do that, yeah, that's a little bit more. This is the what, the how we do the training. Okay, thanks. The heart knows it all. Yeah, the heart knows it all, Gunjo. Only the gut also knows it all because they're 2 different kind of things. In the old days, that's why The book says The Body Keeps the Score, they talk about the whole body. But actually both know it. And yes, because they are all connected with the ventral vagal nerve, the cranial 10 nerve, the parasympathetic and the dorsal vagal nerve, and the sympathetic, parasympathetic, and the cranial 10, they all communicate with each other. So your heart knows, but also your gut knows. We're not separate entities. We're not a gut, a heart, or a head-brain person. We have a preference. That's why I call the preference in one of those domains to make choices. So you're totally right. The heart knows, but it also means your gut knows. Thanks for this complex human behavior. Such a tight time. Ah, Rina, thank you so much. And I said, if you like to know more, there's if you do the three brain preference test, and some of you did, and many of you maybe did. You see, you can even sign up for 15 minutes. feedback session with me. It's free, no strings attached, because the moment you make this world a better place by learning all of this, all the people around you become a better place. Next time, we don't have all those toxic leadership or toxic political politicians anymore. We make this world a little bit better place for you, for me, our kids, grandkids, and everybody else in the world. And that's my bigger, my bigger mission. So I have still three or two minutes. If you like to leave, it's okay. As I said, you get the slide pack in a PDF form. I give you the link for the recording, and you can always connect with me. Okay? And for the rest, namaste. I wish you a freaking amazing Tuesday, and I hope that this somewhere made a little change for you today, and hopefully also for the rest of your life.