In this personal‑growth talk, Christoffel Sneijders argues that many of our daily decisions are driven by past painful experiences that have become unconscious habits. He explains how we can shift from operating on autopilot to adopting an observer stance, consciously identifying and releasing limiting belief patterns. Sneijders shares his own story of being bullied in high school, which spurred him to develop emotional intelligence, prioritize health, and pursue a career as a behavioral trainer and therapist—a classic example of a “wounded healer.” He illustrates a visual exercise: picture your past self moving toward the future, then step into a third‑person perspective to evaluate whether that trajectory serves you. By recognizing the “law of insanity” (repeating the same actions while expecting different results), he urges listeners to observe, let go of outdated patterns, and deliberately choose a new direction for their lives.
Chapters
Hey, good to see you. And to start with a beautiful question: who's in charge of your life? You or all your past experiences, most times negative or painful? As for every decision you make now, who's in charge? You as an observer, or you do the things based on experiences you once had without thinking of it? Because whatever we do and do it for a number of times, of period, becomes a habit. So we don't think about it. We don't think about blinking my eyes, moving my hands, swallowing. It just happens. The same if we cross the street, we look left, right, right, left, wherever you live, and you don't think about it anymore. So a lot of our experiences are Habits. And how do I mean painful experiences that dedicate our life or decide our life? Now just imagine, I see when I see clients, people come in and say, I once had a horrible breakup with my partner, so I don't trust men or women anymore. They cannot be trusted. Or I once had a boss like this, and you know, bosses are all bad. Or you know, I once happened to me this, so I will never do that again. Or it becomes a habit, and you don't think about it anymore. As an example, most people who go into the therapy world have some experience that was a an issue for them, and they start to study psychology or whatever, and they came in that field. They're called wounded healers. Yeah. For myself, I once was bullied when I was in high school, and based on that, I made a couple of decisions. One of them, I don't want to be bullied anymore, so I started to be smart. How do people act and interact? So I really developed my emotional intelligence. How can I see the signs what's going to happen? Secondly, I went to martial arts, and health became really important for me. And third, I really thought later on in my life I would like to help people never to have those experiences. And somewhere it set out also my career or my life, all those decisions. Health is still extremely important to me, not mere or more anymore based on that I don't like to be bullied anymore, But just because it makes me feel good, it gives me energy in my mind and body, gives me clear— clearness and direction. But knowing how the things run, how the hazers run, how people act and don't act, became extremely helpful when I went into sales, into marketing, or 25 years ago I started as a behavioral trainer for leadership, management, sales, and personal effectiveness. And as a therapist, the last 10, 15 years, I really also know how people act and don't act and how they can overcome those little things. But the question is for you, are you aware of it? When you make a decision in your life, is it because you're now doing it from an observer point of view, or are you in your past? So say we make it visual. This is you in your past going to the future, not thinking about it, doing everything the same. Or this is you in your past, this is your future, and you step out of those and you create a third position, say me, and you're looking at it. Hey, what's my past? What's my desired future? Hey, this is going to be there if it doesn't change. Do I like this outcome? Maybe yes, maybe no. Hey, I like to have it somewhere else, somewhere else. What should I do with this? Okay, I should have Let go of some of those old things so I can step into a new position. For doing so, you really have to observe what are all the patterns I run up to now, the belief systems, the thoughts that are now running the show. Because as Einstein once said, if you do the same thing over and over again hoping for different results, He called it the law of insanity. It does not work. So how come people get stuck somewhere? Because they are still doing the same thing over and over again. And don't change it, don't observe and think, hey, what is now really in my backpack? What is there what I don't get rid of? Start being observer and start letting go. And make a choice for your new life. Love to see you next time. Have a beautiful day. Ciao!
