The 5 Essentials of 3 Brains - Head, Heart and Gut - Coaching by Christoffel MCC

With a deep passion that gets into your system what we are talking about, because in my opinion, my 30-year experience working as a coach, working as a therapist, this is the best I ever came aware of. And if you know who I am or what I did, I'm already 30 years in the business. I'm a clinical supervisor, mentor. So ICF, ACC, PCC, MCC, or people like to become ICF member. I'm executive coach, I'm an MCC, I'm a clinical psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and I studied constellations, master NLP, master Reiki, and, uh, somatic therapy. And I can go on with the list. Only there's one reason to become aware what makes us tick. Why do people keep stuck in their troll mask and how can we release it? How does— and I know that from an amazing woman who is also joining here, Leona— how can we help people if they have someone like a little chronic disease? Because she also loves that and she wrote already 2 books about it. And how can we help people to get those chronic things out of the system that probably are not based on our genetics but based actually on our mental state and what happens in our life? So that's also my passion. I'm the founder, as I said, of 3 Brains Intelligence and the 3 Brain Coach certification training is an ICF approved training for CCEUs, 40 CCEUs. But they will say, don't choose— hey, South Africa is also there. Hello, Claire. And Portugal. Hey, neighbor Sylvia. As being sitting in Madrid, Yeah. And say, in my opinion, but of course I'm extremely biased, is the best training you can almost get because you really learn how the 3 brains, how you can coach on 3 brains and how you really can help people with limiting beliefs and with, um, in some, some topics even say, now you can call it, uh, trauma or highly impactful events. Hey, Pakistan, also there. Adnan, you're from Pakistan. Ah, Good to see you. Yes, that's me. As I said, I wrote 2 books about it, all about relationships, because the person who helped me or gave me advice to write the book said, first write a book that almost connects with everybody and everybody has a relationship. Oh, okay. Makes sense. You say my book, what I'm writing now about is much more for us and coaches if you like to become successful in life, whatever successful means. But enough about me. Let's talk about 3 brains and what it does and why we have 3 brains. And for the people who don't know or maybe missed it, uh, I've got 2 webinars, although this is the last one, so you cannot join a new one, other one anymore. The Top 5 Essentials. What is this? And the Neuroscience of the 3 Brains. In the Neuroscience of the 3 Brains, We really dive into biology of the 3 brains, why it's there, how it's there, etc., etc. So the real proof here, I don't talk about so much how it works and it's there. I just assume we have them, but much more, okay, what does it mean for us as coaches? So if you like to know more about, hey, is it really true we have 3 brains? I could almost say you can send me an email and I can link you up to let you watch one of the other webinars. Makes sense. Now coming back about our heart, our head, and our gut. How many times did you say to somebody, follow your heart? Or maybe people said it to you when they were talking about relationships, friends, and all those kinds of stuff. And how much did you say to somebody, just follow your gut feeling? And the question I always have, because I use those sentences really a lot, and I just saw that my social media manager assistant helper put on LinkedIn a little WhatsApp of a little video of Jeff Bezos. the Amazon guy where he really states, I always follow my gut feeling when I, when I talk about business decisions. And what might, what always puzzled me, because we sometimes say even I regret something and I should have followed my heart, my gut, is what does it actually mean when we say that? What kind of advice do we give to others or what kind of advice do we get? What are the criteria Of the decision-making when you say follow your heart? What are the criteria of decision-making when you say to somebody follow your gut feeling? And if you know the answer, you can put it right away in the chat. And if you don't know it, then you can just join everybody else and me too. Now, although I know now, and because most of us don't know it, they have somewhere an idea. But what's the criteria your heart or your gut feeling used to make a decision? And then most times, that's the only moment I get a lot of coaches silent because then I think, don't know the answer. And a deeper consciousness, that's beautiful. Would you say forms a deeper consciousness? That is not criteria, deeper consciousness. And as I said, I studied once commercial engineering when I was still young. And if I would say that to my professor this time, he would say, this is fake things. If you make on this a factory, Chris, it will collapse and explode. So what are the real criteria of the things? What are the facts? We'll come back to that later. So no worries. I was, I'm just teasing you, Florence, but it's more because what you just shared is really true. But actually, we also don't know. Most of us don't know. What is your heart feeling? What's your gut feeling? We all say it, but what does it mean? Even if you would ask Jeff Bezos, what does it really mean? He probably would become silent. That would also be nice to get him silent, but probably haven't. Another thing is to say, let's just, let's talk about things we experience or almost all experience once. The most famous one is procrastination. Who of you ever had that issue with procrastination? And you don't have to raise your hands right away because then it becomes really— oh, Florence raised, Florence raised her hands. Okay. Or there's a question or she says, I did it. So if you have a question, please unmute. If you say, hey, I do procrastination, then we keep it there. And the same with eating unhealthy. And it doesn't mean constantly, but When you have the choice to that fast food chain or going, say, for a healthy salad, what do we choose? Or maybe for constantly obesity, that is, do us all respect, still a result of putting more energy in your body than it burns. Setting boundaries or saying no, saying no to other people and actually saying yes to yourself. Communication of hard decisions, bad news talks with employees or colleagues or clients, and you found it hard to do, or maybe depressions or anxieties. Almost everybody did at least one of those in their life, or maybe still do it. And I will not say you have it because you don't have a depression or an anxiety. You do it. And it's not to insult you because we are not born with depression or anxiety. And if you would do a blood test, yes, you will find, say, some higher markers in your neurotransmitters, but it doesn't mean you have depression based on that because neurotransmitters you can influence by yourself. You can change them even if you're chronically depressed. Research shows that. So does it make sense to do this? Absolutely not. So if it does not make sense and our head knows, then who is inside us in charge to make these quote-unquote bad decisions? By the way, procrastination, and I know that some people would say I work the best under stress. So at 11 o'clock in the evening, I make my best presentation. Um, later on we discuss it, but, um, actually your prefrontal cortex is turned off when you're in a stress state. So all your creativity and new ideas actually don't work. So yes, you work much harder because a stress state creates a lot of cortisol, but your creativity and new ideas, um, S-U-C-K. So for all those people who think I work the best under stress, it's not true. You work the hardest under stress, but not the best. Okay, so it doesn't make sense. Somebody's in charge of us. So a little check how we make decisions and how easily we can change decisions. So for everybody who has the screen off, please look at the screen here because I love to hear your answer. And by the way, if you are all coaches, I know already what you're going to answer on this question. So just imagine for a moment you're working as a manager in a company. You have 10 employees. The company is making a severe loss and there's an urgent need to take action. The board decided 5 of your employees of your department should be made redundant. You come aware, you know, 10 employees have the same competences. I know, by the way, of course, this is a fiction situation. So there are much more real-life criteria that could affect this and could challenge everything what I write down here. So it's not about challenging everything I write down here, but based on this, just make a decision. The board gives you 4 options. think about already. The first one, they say, no, you let go of the 5 older employees. It's the best choice for production as the job is really physical. But based on their age, we can assume that they never will get a job anymore and will have negative effects on their income and finances. The second option is you let go of the 5 younger employees. They find easily a job again based on their age and experience. So You could say everybody has a job again. C is to say to you, you can go for LIFO, last in, first out. It's not age-related. 5 employees worked more than 15 years for the company. 5 others entered the last 2 years because they thought they would grow like mushrooms. Didn't happen. So what does it mean for your team? Your team will then have 3 older and 2 younger employees. The last one, they give you an option. Say, you know, you can also start talking to your team first and see maybe who likes to volunteer. And we still have some money left so we can give them some decent compensation if they like to leave. So just imagine based on this information, you have to choose A, B, C, or D. I would love to hear your answer in the chat or read your answer in the chat actually. And there is no right or wrong, but I can Promise you that I already know your answer. Nikita, cover days. D, D, D, D, D. Keep all part-timers. And we don't have part-timers, but I like, I like your, your, your, that's why I said it's based on this only. D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, B. Hey, Leona. Ah, you know it, you little rascal. Adnan also goes for B. Ah, okay. Yeah, see, and Coach Monica already had that experience, also goes for D. So by the way, I said I know your answer because coaches, except Leona who already knows it, and Adnan, there are 90% of the heart and head brain dominant people will choose C or D? Now you had to choose one of them. Florence, I know you're just as stubborn as me. Could be Dutch. We don't follow it first, break all the rules like the Gallup organization book. But you had to choose from these 4. There's no E option. E option means you get sacked first. But doesn't matter. I will choose on performance and commitment, not on age. Not D, not delegating surprises into a team. I love your, I love, by the way, your explanation. And I could say right away, right. But it's not about this. It's actually about to become aware that if we have a heart or head brain dominance, we would go actually always for C or D and never saw another option. The moment people know this test or are more gut brain dominant, they will go for A. Some people will go for B because it falls in between some things. That's nice to come aware, hey, a dominance of one of your brains actually gives an outcome of how we decide. But now actually a much more important question, and you can see it already in white. Say all those people who chose A and all those people who chose B, you have now actually to go for A, for option A, because if I go to production, they would say, read it, we make a severe loss, urgent need to take action, best choice for production. And the average production director or finance director says, what don't you understand from this case, guys? Are you really so stupid that you never had any finance in your studies of university? And before you know, in the board we always have a beautiful clash, and the next half hour we have fun. So just imagine you had to go for A. How easy is that for you now to start defending A, option A, apple? And come aware what it does inside with you, how you hit your own beliefs and your own values on this moment. And I know for sure from all the tests and all the trainings I did that we have an issue with changing. Like the production director cannot go for C or D or the finance director and the HR manager does not like to go for A, for the apple, because their belief systems and values hit them. And for everybody says no issue, I can go for A, love to see them in the chat or with a hand raising up. Because then you can look around and you come aware that almost nobody is lifting their hand. Okay, now I'm going to be Dutch and shock you. So you are the most trained person in self-reflection, in, um, uh, other kind of trainings, how to help people, how to work on change. And a couple of times a day you work with clients to help them change. So if you have an issue now with changing, then how easy is it for all your clients? Or are they much better than you in change? You don't have to answer this question, by the way, but I like that it really comes into your system. Change is extremely hard because it hits one of our other brains. It hits our values, it hits our beliefs, it hits our experience, and that stops us from changing somewhere. We will come aware later on how it works also biology-wise. But I like to make aware that knowing what is good Doesn't mean we do what is good, whatever good means. And that changing to another option for us is extremely hard because I did not see any hand going up or in the chat. Easy, Chris, I go for A right away. And I know it's confrontative, but it sounds for all of us. And by the way, I will give you later on a reason biology is also one of the reasons why we cannot change easily. But just think, if you cannot change, why does your client change so easily after 1 hour with you? And why it's so important and why I'm also so enthusiastic about it and sometimes like to get it sometimes in people's head, because this is the Gallup organization research and shows how employee engagement has changed the last 20 years. And you see, it's actually not changed. The line is rather constant. Yeah, maybe it went a little bit up, but still only is one-third. Only the Gallup organization companies who follow the Gallup protocol are doing rather better. So already 20 years, McKinsey coaches like us and all the kind of other external consultants walk around in those ears and give all those leaders and people advise us how to do employee engagement and look at how good we do that. And you see the results of that. There's almost no change visible in the overall results. And that's not only our fault, but it has to do actually with the previous test we did. Change is extremely hard, even if we know. And just to shock you even more, what are the success rates? That means a success rate is after 1 year, how much do they still have of the new learned behavior or beliefs? Because happiness rate is after a session you ask, hey, how good was my training session or coaching session? Perfect. Awesome. I made a beautiful action list. It is actually after 1 year, how much of that action list do you still do? And these are the scores. McKinsey, one of the most expensive consultants you can find, just like Boston Consulting Group, Accenture, a little bit cheaper but still expensive. They have a success rate less than 40% if they do culture change. And they are experts in that. McKinsey claims up to 75% if you follow all those steps. Psychology, 35%. Coaching, 55%. Hypnotherapy, 55%. Repetition only 6%. Success rate of hip repetition is really high, but most people stop repetition within 2 weeks. More than 80% stops with doing the exercises within 2 weeks. And if you stop within 2 weeks, even if it's 1 day, you need 1 extra week actually to catch up with that, to change the habit. And the funny part is, and people who saw me already earlier know, I got an Heart valve replacement surgery two months ago because I inherited a beautiful gift from my dad and not really functioning heart valve. My surgeon said my success rate is 99.9%. So isn't it amazing that we actually go to surgeons and to dentists and to whatever who have these kind of success rates? Would you let McKinsey do your heart valve replacement surgery? Now, please, not with that research success rate. Would you hire a coach, hypnotherapist, or whatever to do so? And besides, it's not their expertise. Not. Why is it acceptable that our success rates on average is less than 1 out of 2? And that question really stuck to me along the years because I've been 30 years in the business. 8 years ago, I became aware of the 3 brain coaching. 12 years ago, I really also learned clinical hypnotherapy. 20 years ago, NLP. But I have been part of these statistics for, I would say, at least 20 years. So it's not blaming because I was part of it. But for me, it always annoyed the out of me that people did not change. And in my own divorce I had, it was horrible after I immigrated to Australia. In my own burnout I had, even after my own surgery I had 2 months ago, I came aware I had a deep fallback. And if I have a fallback, that means other people also have a fallback. And even though I think I know a lot, means actually I miss So much that doesn't help me. How is it possible that I could have a fallback 2 months ago after all the things I just shared I learned already in the last 30 years? Because we're still human and still those 3 brains sometimes take over. And my head brain could not override the first 2 days my extreme feeling shitty. Only on day, day 2, day 3 I was able actually to turn my system around. But it took me really, really, really, really hard work to get my optimism back. And really hours and hours and hours of work. And by lying on intensive care, it's easy because the only thing you can do is lie in intensive care. You have 24 hours a day to work on yourself. Yeah, but I came aware, and most of us, insanity is keeping doing the same thing again and again, hoping for a different result. That's what we learned. And just to— I don't hope there are any psychologists in this room, otherwise probably they will kick out right away. But just to annoy you a little bit, psychology has 7 main streams: Jungian, Freud, person-centered therapy, and some others. You study for that 4, 5 years. What is the CBT? I forgot CBT. That's one of the most popular ones. What is the latest inventions of psychology to work with clients? Uh, one is mindfulness. And I think mindfulness is invented by psychology 5 years ago. And of course, every man now in Asia, he says to me, Chris, are you really freaking out of your mind? That's already 3,000 years old. Mindfulness. Did you ever read about Buddha? So that's the latest invention of psychology, adding mindfulness to CBT. The second invention, what they did is EMDR. Desensitization of eye movements. Every— and Shapiro, a psychologist, said he invented it more than 20 years ago. Everybody who did NLP knows that 50 years ago NLP already spoke about eye movements and different kind of eye experiences. There are many techniques about that. So Just imagine you study 4-year psychology and you become aware actually that your treatments only can be really boosting up if you use a 3,000— now I know the screen, I turned the screen black, otherwise you look at the screen constantly. And the latest research is, is, um, is mindfulness, but 3 years, 3,000 years old, or EMDR, but does not have to do anything with psychology. Now, of course, now I annoyed everybody, but that is why our success rate is so low because most of us don't know where is the trauma, the belief really stored. So, okay, evolutionary biology of the brains. So let's go a little bit of why we have 3 brains and who's the most important one. I have to leave for an order. Okay, Leonie, it was great to see you. I, we are friends on LinkedIn. Love to have once a virtual coffee with you and hear your experiences. So now you will probably find an invite on LinkedIn for that. Have a beautiful day. Thank you so much. We keep in touch. So up to 20 years ago, I taught people this. We have a reptilian brain, limbic brain, neocortex brain. Evolution, 500 million years ago, reptilian brain. 200 million years, we've got an emotional brain. 6 million years, we've got the neocortex brain. And actually, that is scientifically not true. Science shows that the crocodile, the fish, you could say the dinosaurs, but hard to test, have the same DNA setup that they have a limbic brain and a neocortex brain. Only a really thin, thin, thin layer. So if that is true, our scientific idea— we have reptilian brain, later on an emotional brain, later on a neocortex brain— does not work anymore. We cannot say it anymore. So that means how they work together is probably also not true. So what is true? Now I will give you an answer just by thinking logically, and it is written actually also in the books from Lisa Barrett Feldman, only she used a different kind of example. So this is a living creature still in the sea, and you could say it connects really closely with our ancestors 500 million years ago. Based on their, say, primary functions. So this is still living now in the sea. They know the wet salty thing outside. It's a living creature. What could it be? I see a lot of silence, nothing in the chat. I will help you. For the people who love vegetables, A lot of them buy it and it's green on that moment. And something like this size, green in this size. Why I'm so annoying about it? Because if you understand this pro, this system, a sea cucumber, Katarina, 10 points for you. You go, you go to the next round. Kidding. It is a sea cucumber. Now it's not that we have to know that this is a sea cucumber. That's not so interesting, but I like that you think about it. Because if you know this concept, you will start thinking differently about how to work with clients. Because what is this sea cucumber missing we humans have besides our arms and legs? What does it not have? What other animals have? I said this is a living creature, a brain. Absolutely. It does not have a head. Absolutely. It is living without a head. That's amazing. What else is missing? What we have, if you think about our own 3 brains, this one only has 1 brain. Which brain is it also? The heart. Absolutely clear. 20 points for Claire. Kidding. This one. So just imagine now, and this is really important to get into our own system. That made for me the change and actually for all my clients. To understand this concept, living creatures as we are, we all originated from a living gut because actually this is a living gut. Food comes in, food goes out. It's actually a living creature. There's only one objective: live, reproduce. And of course, to do that, I have to get nutrition inside myself and Release them again. So it's our tongue to something in between our buttocks, and we all come from this. So if we all come from this, then this next question is: Is this sea cucumber extremely stupid? Stupid in a sense it does not know how to survive. It does not know how to reproduce. And does not know to escape enemies, or can it actually do that? Do you think that she cucumber can reproduce, escape enemies, and actually heal himself? In that sense, intelligence fear. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, Mr. God. So our gut system has an instinctive survival mechanism. An intelligence to escape enemies, fight and flight, reproduce, and get the nutrition in and digest it. So if you now think about it, if we are made based on these premises, then probably our own gut could have still have the same intelligence. That would make sense, isn't it? And actually, that's true. Michael Gershwin, who already is here in the name, came, wrote a book about it 30 years ago. And that book is called The Second Brain, where he describes that we actually have 500 million brain cells in our gut system. If you'd like more about it, I would say go to the other web— go to watch my other webinar. I'm not going to dive deeper in it. But we have a gut brain and it can act independently. It can make decisions independently. And just like the sea cucumber, it has the same intelligence as the sea cucumber in that way. It knows how to survive, it knows how to reproduce, it knows how to digest things, and knows in survival to make the decisions what is good for me. So your gut brain or our gut brain has one responsibility to keep us alive by establishing personal success and safety, just like for the sea cucumber does. I'd like to have personal success, so I like to reproduce. I like to have food and I like to survive. I like to be safe. How do we as humans notice it? We— it's not emotions because how emotions are made according to Lisa Barrett Feldman. We have sensations of fear, anger, and rage, and the fight and flight response, what also the sea cucumber has. It has lust and desire, what helps you to get food or to reproduce, hunger and disgust to eat the right stuff and don't eat the wrong stuff. And we still have it. We have all those sensations inside us. And our own gut, based on their own sensory systems, can release these kind of sensations to us. Research shows that your gut can make a decision without that our head knows and easily is not aware of it, that it happens. Then we go to quantum physics and to other kind of things. If you come aware and light how it has that sensory system. Your heart brain, or our heart brain, has a totally different role. Here where the gut brain says it's all about me, myself, and I, the narcissistic egocentric brain, the heart brain is totally the opposite. It's the one that loves to bond and loves to connect. What makes sense? Because where do you feel love? Okay, lust you feel in your genitals, love you feel in your heart. Isn't that, is that not true? And all the men really know the difference because they see that they have a physical even reaction there. Sex is done with your— love is done with your heart. And if it now shocks you, it's just to get that system into your head because sex is all for a lot of people still taboo to talk about. That's why I use it. And it makes sense because when we were born, let's make a difference. A zebra, you know, that white and white and black striped animal in Africa, a zebra when it is born can stand up in half an hour and within 40 minutes it can run away from a predator, the lion. So when we were born, how much time did it take you To be able to stand up and to run away from the dirty guy at the end of the street. Could you do it in 14 minutes after you were born? I couldn't. According to my older sister, before I could do that, I was probably 8 years old. Yeah, according to my sister, I was not the smartest. So our survival instinct is based on bonding. If your caregivers, your parents did not care about you, we would not be here. We are born premature. Our head, this size head would never get out of my mama. My mama would hate me dearly if this would have to come out of her. Our head is actually born with only 80% of its size. So our brain has to grow massively. That means also that We are not able to do the things by ourselves. Hence, bonding is the most important. How do we feel our heart? Love, compassion, but I said persuasion, persuasiveness, hate, sadness. Those are sensations to come aware I have to be away from somebody or I miss somebody. Guilt and shame is there to make you come aware I breached some rules of engagement. You feel guilty or shame when you betray somebody, when you don't do— when you say yes and do no. It is there to keep the relationship good. The last thing, our head brain also likes to keep us alive. But did you ever think about why do we have such a big head? Why do we have all those memories? What's the use of having so many memories and so much knowledge? What is useful about that? You know yesterday that you should not say this to your colleague or boss. Why is it useful to know that? Only for one reason. The next time you do it different. Our head takes 20% of our energy consumption, or 25% of our energy consumption almost, only to keep all those memories alive to make better predictions. Oh, yesterday I said A to the person. Maybe I should next time say B to the person. That's why we have such a big brain because most of it is actually storing memories. 2 things your beautiful head has that your heart and gut doesn't have. That's why we can coach people on, let's say, popular trauma and things that happened in the past and strong beliefs that we learned in the past. Because the head is the only one that knows last week and next week. Your heart and gut are living like a dog or a cat, always in the present. That makes sense because if you have PTSD, post-traumatic stress syndrome, what happens? Your awareness of time and who you are is actually not, almost not active anymore in your head. So you don't know actually that 10 years ago you were walking in Iraq, or that 10 years ago you had a car accident, or 10 years ago you got raped, or 10 years ago you, your, your, your ex-wife was sleeping with your best friend in your bed, or whatever story you have. Your heart and your gut think it's still now, emotionally, sensation-wise. Only your head knows It was a long time ago, but because it's turned off, it can't take actions. So we can coach people on all those things in the present because those are all stored in your heart and gut. All those really strong connections of bonding, of rejection, of life-affecting situations are stored in your heart and gut because they like to know not to do it anymore. Of course, your head also knows it, but your head knows it but doesn't feel it. Your heart and gut also know it. That's why CBT actually works extremely bad with trauma. The results of trauma and CBT are less than one-third because you can know that you is not Iraq anymore, but it doesn't mean you don't feel it's Iraq anymore. And for people who don't believe in it, just think if you had that once experience about a horrible ex-boyfriend or a horrible ex-girlfriend who was really mean to you. You know, it's 10, 20 years ago and still you could get the emotion back up. Where's the emotion coming from? Or the sensation out of your heart or out of your gut? Your heart and gut still remember, although your head knows, why would I get sorry about it? Why would I get upset about it? If you get upset about the past, what does it mean? Your head is not in charge because your head knows it's 5 or 10 years ago. The fact that you feel an emotion or sensation or angry or sadness, where is that coming from if your head knows it's 5 years ago? comes from your heart or your gut. Hence, you can coach people on that because it feels like now. Okay. What are the strengths and pitfalls of the 3 brains? If you think about coaching further on, because if you now bring it in coaching, the mindset of the gut brain dominant person or a gut brain per se, if you would digest it, is winning or getting achievements. And that makes sense if you now think about nature. If the lion is running behind, say, a deer, and it does not win that running competition, what does it mean for the lion? He does not eat, or she does not eat. Now, lion's male, doesn't— he doesn't eat. What does it mean for the deer if it does not win the running competition? It becomes lunch or dinner. So the gut brain that is for survival only knows winning or losing. There is no in between. And of course, to survive, you have to win because losing means you become lunch or dinner or breakfast. In our current life, that means if we're gut brain dominant or the gut brain is sparking up, it means I like to have achievements. I like to win. I like to score. Yeah. Most salespeople need this attitude. Otherwise, they would not, after 5 times hearing no, go for the 6th time. I like to win. Every gold medal winner needs this. Every top, every top artist needs this. Every CEO needs this. Every politician, prime minister needs this. Everybody who likes to be on the top of their game Needs a gut brain. What's the biggest pitfall of the gut brain? It's me first. And what makes sense, because if you now think about the Olympics and say Usain Bolt is running those 100 meters and looks behind him, sees a young guy and says, oh, you also trained really hard. Should I let you win? Then which prize does Usain Bolt have? Silver or maybe bronze. That does not work. And if you like tennis, you can talk about Djokovic or Nadal or whomever. The gut brain only thinks about themselves. There is no team in gut brain. What's the biggest fear of the gut brain? Actually, the opposite of winning is losing or being vulnerable. So a gut brain dominant person will never say, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. You're right. Because what does it mean if I say that? I give my success to you. Now my success is in your hands. So you can recognize a gut-brain dominant leader or coachee or partner by just asking the question, how many times did you say sorry? Or when is the last time you said sorry? If they really have to think about it, then I would say if it's your partner, no, go for divorce. If it's your client, you really have some extra sessions to do with him or her because they have to learn something else because then they have to learn somewhere to also connect with their heart because the heart is all about bonding and being together. Your heart, your heart brain Is our brain as coaches. That's why you said D, all of you. That's why I know you all say D or C, because your heart brain thinks about everybody else. You first. It thinks about everybody except about yourself. Your company is making a severe loss. There's an urgent need for action. Getting rid of the 5 old people is the best for production. Yeah, but that is really sorry for them. That is not really fair from them. We have to think about, we have to think about them. So we have to choose another option that is maybe making us bankrupt, but at least we made a social decision. Of course, I make it extremely crazy now, but that's how your heart brain thinks. You first. That is for you as a coach, that moment on Sunday you respond to your client on WhatsApp. That's for you as a coach. to do extra, but you don't get paid for it. That's for you as a coach, an amazing quality that you listen to your stories of your clients for half an hour. Although you know these stories from 10 clients you had prior, you don't say to your client, by the way, 10 other clients said the same, just follow ABC. This is the solution. No, you let them talk. You ask some beautiful, profound questions to listen to them, make connect to them. Encourage them and spend 1 hour of your time with them while you know that actually could be solved in 5 minutes. That's your quality as a coach. You have a beautiful heart brain. So it's amazing to have it, except it has a fear of being rejected. You cannot punish a heart brain person more by saying, I don't like you. No, go to your room. You're not my friend anymore. It's almost like a death sentence. So that means they will do everything to stay connected, even if it's detrimental for themselves. The head brain, but we said love, that's the right prediction. The head brain is the only one who can cause and effect analysis. For cause and effect analysis, you need time. This is the cause, this is the effect. And that's what your mindset of your head is. This happened, what should I do next? The pitfall is it likes to give the perfect answer. For all those perfectionists in the group now, means you have a beautiful head brain also. Your head brain sparks up if you're a perfectionist because your head brain likes to run Like crazy to give the best answer. And there is never a best answer. Yeah, 1 and 1 is 2. Okay, that's what we know. But you cannot give a best answer on how will the board respond tomorrow. You cannot give a best answer. Why did my girlfriend cheat or boyfriend cheat on me last week? There is no answer for or perfect answer. You can think about it 20 hours. You will not get the answer. But that's what your head brain does, especially when the heart or gut brain say, why did it happen to me? Your head brain is going to give an answer. Oh, what should I do tomorrow? Your head brain is trying to give an answer. So fear from the gut brain sparks anxiety in the head brain. Sadness in the heart brain creates depression in the head brain. Thinking about it. What does it really dislike? Mistakes. If you look at the average surgeon or IT engineer, they really dislike mistakes. They're perfectionists. That's why they're a good thing, by the way. Yeah, in my heart surgery, I loved to have a perfectionist who cut me open because they hate mistakes. To go on, if you're now coaching people, then why is it so hard to have success for so many leaders? Why is it only one-third of engagement? Now, that is actually because McKinsey actually gave the answer some years ago. They did massive research in 10,000 to 15,000 leaders and managers all around the world, came aware of 20 traits that accounts for personal leadership effectiveness, but only 4 traits were responsible for 89%. And these are the 4. And then you become right away aware why it's so hard to do so, because it's solving problems effectively. Based on what we just shared, you know which brain this is, which brain is in charge for solving problems effectively, head, heart, or gut? Of course, your head. So we need to be smart enough to create somewhere cause and effect analysis. We have to learn that. Of course, your heart and your gut have to be in for long-term success, for motivation of the team and communicate the hard decisions. The second one is strong results orientation. Focus on achievements, focus on success. Now, which brain is that? The gut brain. That's what we saw prior. Of course, you need your heart brain and head brain to make well-thought actions and to still motivate a team to also do the same. The third one is actually seeking different perspectives. So coming aware of what other people think and believe And like to say, seeing the issue from both sides, that's actually your heart brain. Of course, your gut brain and head brain have to come in, make long-term success of it. But this is it. The 4th one, supporting others. And which brain, of course, would you say is there for supporting others? Who says you first? Hey, your heart brain, really feeling and understanding what they need to do to excel. Heart brain. Of course, you need your head and your gut to make long-term success. If you look at this for successful, for success of your clients, how many brains do they need? 3. Where are most MBAs learning for? Head and gut, only 2. We as psychologists, socially, Coaches learn about the heart brain. That's why you can be successful. So you need 3 of them. What is now the topic and the issue as we come back to the beginning? Most of us are learned, actually look at psychology, cognitive behavior therapy, to think that this is the most important thing. And we can blame the French, uh, uh, guy of it who said I think, therefore I am. If you would ask the average person outside this training, how many brains do we have? They would say one. Maybe they say, no, my boyfriend has 2, one is hanging down, but it's only part of the brain. Hence, although we say follow your heart, follow your gut feeling, We don't recognize them as centers of wisdom per se. We don't know actually what they do and where they choose for. Although really highly successful people like Jeff Bezos is somewhere so intuitive there that he trusts his gut system. That makes sense. Gut system likes to have achievements and success. Jeff Bezos is all about success and achievements. Totally makes sense. So what is stopping us to change? And this is the most famous picture in psychology and in training and in coaching. So I assume all of you know, what do you see in this beautiful picture? What you probably all know. Don't tell me 2 boys because then you really need, then you're getting off the drugs. But who does not know that this picture actually has 2 ladies in there? Young girl, old woman. You all see them, isn't it? Or you know where they are. Young woman and the old woman. So this is why we don't learn. And I think, how do you mean, Chris? Is this is why we don't learn because this is what we call the law of association. 30% of your 3 brains use more than 40% of your daily energy. What means you have 60% left to do all your other stuff. Your whole body, actually, your 3 brains say, I only use extra energy if it's really urgent and needed. Otherwise, I use the law of association. What's the law of association? That is this cup. If I say this cup, what do you think it is? And even hanging this out, so it's almost a no-brainer. People say this is a teacup. Why? It has a little thing out of it that probably means I have a tea thing in there. There's probably the size and there's a little ear. But whom of you really had this cup in his hands once? This is a crucet. Crucet makes those beautiful iron cast pans that are freaking heavy. French. I assume maybe 1 or 2 people of you ever had this in his hands or her hands. Maybe less because we have only 40 people now. Maybe none of you ever had it in your hands, but still, you know, this is a cup. Why? This is law of association. You don't think critically. Coach, morning. Give a drop for another meeting. That's okay. You'll find, you'll find the slide pack later on. You missed the most important part, but that's okay. Just kidding. I'm not kidding. So if we like to learn, you have to see 2 birds in this picture. There are 2 birds in this picture. Now I see Farina really frowning her head from 2 birds. What's happening there? Where are they? And this is exactly what I mean, Freda. Thank you so much for showing us, because this means you put now extra energy in your mind and in your body to see them. Everybody now has to do a lot of energy to see the 2 birds, and they're really there, right? They're not that I just took an Amsterdam smoke as being born in Amsterdam, that there are 2 birds in there. I will help you based on time. The first bird is in the bottom part. So this is the beak, this is the head, and this is the wing. You could say it's far-fetched, but we need some creativity, just like we see the old lady and young lady. Head, beak, wing. I see Verona nodding her head, so she sees it. So I assume everybody sees it. You're you're now my little guide, Verena. You're the one then is actually in the shawl on the head. This is the beak. This little point is the beak, and this one is an eye. It's a little bit more far-fetched, I have to say. But Verona still says yes, Verona. Verena, Verena. Sorry for the mispronunciation, Verena. Wow! But If you now think about yourself, Vera or Claire, how much energy did it cost you to see this before I gave you the answer? Now, that energy you don't use the first time because you think you know it. Law of association. So you right away stop putting any extra energy in there. That high energy mode is actually creating new neural connections and new learnings. Biology stops that unless there's a huge urgent need or a crazy coach like me who just forces you to see 2 birds. So all our clients stop for the same reason, it's working. Yeah, I, I got coached by Fergana or by Sofadi, if I pronounce it correctly. Sofadi, just an assistant. Last nice name, assistant as last name. Kidding, could not resist. We don't do it if it's not needed. So your coach makes an action plan, goes back to his or her normal work and thinks, yeah, it was a nice session I had with Verena. Yeah, probably I should talk about growth with my people. But, you know, actually have some other things to do because there are some urgent things on my table. Okay, I do growth next time. I do grow next time. And your whole session about grow is actually a waste, waste of time or other kinds of action plans they made because there is no real urgent need. They don't get sacked. They don't get right away a loss of money. They don't get paid out. There is no real need based on connection, rejection, or based on survival to change. So if the heart and the gut are not in, Change will not happen if there's no survival need. Is there no need to stay bonded? People don't change pitifully, luckily, because otherwise it's just a waste of energy. So if we would catch up with all the things about blocks of change, the head goes for the right prediction, the heart goes for belonging. We have personal success for the gut. 3 different kinds of objectives. So following your— if you now ever say to somebody, now again, follow your heart in advice, you say actually you first choose for the other first. If you say follow your gut feeling, you say to think about yourself first. If you now say think it through and come back tomorrow, You create a right prediction answer. But there are 3 different objectives. If one brain is in charge, it means to stay reflectively loyal to your biology. Hence the previous slide. You see 2 birds, you see 2 ladies and never the birds. You stick to your first 7 years of your life, your habits, beliefs, and traumas. Because the first 7 years are actually based on research shown as the imprint years That you, without critical analysis, accept everything. If you think, how does it work? When do you know when is time? When did you learn about next week and last week? That's on average when you are 7 or 6. Before that, there is no time. So before that, everything is learned in the present, and there is no cause-effect. So everything gets, without any critical thought, accepted. Hence the first 7 years so blown. Where does it result in? Most times pain or failure. Because there's one little thing we have to know. Say this is your compass, your north and your south. Now you had an upbringing from your parents and you are born in Amsterdam like me, or you're born in Pakistan or in Italy or wherever. You have a culture of that country. Then you also have parents who like to teach you whatever they are. Do they like to teach you religion or respect or whatever kind of stuff? And then you get bullied at school, you get braces, you have glasses, you get whatever kind of things, sexual, physical, emotional abuse. You learn your belief systems. I'm not good enough. I should succeed. I should never cry. A boy should be strong, girls should be sweet. And you create actually a magnet next to your compass. Your compass goes— so if you then say to somebody, follow your feelings, you actually let them follow their misaligned feelings and they go really the wrong route. Hence, one brain is in charge. So what should we do? If you follow one brain dominance, what does this mean? If your head is in charge and misaligned, it'll go for micromanagement, perfectionism, process system focused. It will always go for the safe route. It can take much too long because, as I said, there's perfectionism and there's no passion connected to it. If the heart brain has this misalignment, what a lot of coaches have, they will deliver gold and get paid silver. Most coaches don't value their own qualities and ask less than actually they should ask. Yes. So your fees are too low, uh, Sofani. Based on your quality, you can easily ask 50% more. Even if I don't know you, 9 of 10, it's true. They're pleasers. So they help the client to please. They avoid the hard topics so they don't slap the client in the face or your partner or whomever if they need it. The solution lies around the corner. What I mean, other people run away with your ideas. There's no critical feedback because, yeah, otherwise you would get rejection if you say to somebody, I don't like what you say. And just imagine I would say to Sophia, I don't like your glasses actually. That's not true, by the way, but I just see you. Now maybe there's a chance that you say, Chris, that was a nice session and now I have to disconnect. Bye. And you exit. If I'm afraid of that, I would never say that. So I don't think I have to do critical feedback. And other ones raise your D. If your gut brain is misaligned, what a lot of CEOs have, they have a controlling behavior. They're too pushy and focused on short term. They're almost American. Leadership style. They're power-driven and they are joy-driven instead of happiness. And joy-driven means they like to have instant gratitude instead of long-term happiness. They like to have now their little toys, their big car, their big wallet, their stripes on their arms, all this kind of stuff. Also, they feel lonely and cold on the top. Most CEOs I talk to actually Love even to talk to me just because they can talk to somebody. Because older employees don't dare to say the real stuff to them. And most of them are lying to themselves that they're happy, although they're not. This is when this is misaligned. So what's the beauty? And then the last minutes before we leave. Yeah, Michelle, I use actually the definition of the Dalai Lama, The Art of Happiness, where he describes joy as a short-term pleasure and happiness as long-term pleasure. So I swapped the things. So there's more a word choice. So in that part, you're also right. Then just change the words. Joy is short-term, happiness is long-term for me. If you see it differently, it's a different thing. But then you can just read The Art of Happiness from the Dalai Lama, book I think from 10 years ago. Then you become aware what I mean. So the good thing is now let's go back to coaching. We can become aware which brain is talking. Hence why my book is called like that. Because just like in NLP, just imagine and say, uh, what you just said, I cannot digest. Or you say, no, I don't understand what you mean with that, Verena. Or, Aparma, I cannot get my heart around this. Hey, then we hear actually 3 brains talking. And in our coaching, we can become aware about which brain is talking based on what the client is saying. So we can become aware which brain is actually protecting, so likes to keep the old system alive, your old habits, your old beliefs, your old coping mechanisms. Which brain is willing to support the change? Oh, I think this is a good idea. I think this is a good idea. Ooh, but I don't, doesn't feel really good for my career. I feel a bit nauseous about it. Hey, gut brain is there, doesn't like to do it. And we can coach actually our clients to get all the 3 brains aligned. That all the 3 brains say yes. And if that is happening, the success rate is not 55% anymore. It becomes 90% or 95% because then their action plan is supported by all 3 of them. And I know this for sure besides my individual clients when I do this with boards who make their strategic 3-year plan. And they had a beautiful strategic solution based on head brain. And I asked them how much heart is in there, how much gut is in there based on some exercises. They come away, it's not in there. We work 2 or 3 days on it to get their heart and gut aligned with it. So they change the program that their head, their heart and gut makes actually a new strategic plan. They succeed and oversucceed that year because they're all passionate to work on it. They all know it's good for them and they all think it's logical to do so. Now there are some other things you find in, you find in the slides, but based on time. So if you think about leadership, you need all 3 of them. If you think about us coaches, we also need all 3 of them because we are also our own leaders. So what happens if you don't align your brains? If you have a head, head brain spot, sooner or later you burn out. If you have a gut brain spot, you probably get kicked out because you only bite yourself. If you don't use any brains, you're totally in a stuck spot and probably get chronic diseases and you fall out. So green is engagement disorders. The other green is follow my own beliefs. So we have to go actually to the sweet spot where our heart brain and gut brain and head brain is in. And we outperform. Okay, Adnan, have a great time in Pakistan. Love to hear from you in the future. So how to do that is learn and master the unique language of each brain. So when we talk and when our clients talk, we become aware, hey, what are they saying? Which brain is talking? Secondly, which brain is dominating the conversation? Are they more talking from their head, the heart, or the gut? To come aware actually which brain is silent, because the silent brain most times stops the change because it doesn't communicate now but will later on stop it. Half the aware brains are misaligned. What I mean, there are strong beliefs, habits of trauma in there. No, no, Chris, I'm a Christian, so I never do that. No, no, Chris, uh, I got already 3 times sacked Uh, uh, in previous jobs, I will never do that. No, no, no, no. I don't believe this is really good for, say, my relationships or the people, because this is what we never did in our family. All those kinds of things, those stop actually to see the broader perspective. So we have to compartmentalize those things because my, how I was raised as a parent doesn't have to do anything how we work now. It's a different compartment. My trauma from 20 years ago is a different compartment, etc., etc. So we can work on that as a coach. Because if I talk about it, we don't have to become a therapist because your heart and gut live in the now. So you don't have to analyze the whole freaking past. You can just change it in the now and in the future. That's the beauty of it. We as coaches can do amazing stuff. Unblocking the brains so you can be part of the conversation. You can do it as a coach because your heart and God only know now. Balance them, create consensus, and everybody's happy and giving you a high five. Get there. Now, last part of the thing, there's a gift for you if you ever like to master this. So it means you follow my training, you get a €200 discount. Next training ends this month. Other one in September. They're almost all full. So if you'd like to do it, be quick. If you don't like to do it, just as good friends. If you'd like to have the cheapest solution, just buy my book and you can learn much more about the 3 brains, €8 on Kindle. You can also buy it as paperback, by the way, on Amazon. If you'd like to know what your brain dominance is, do the free test. If you'd like to stay connected, love to hear from you. Why do I say this? Little quick, because I will send you the slide deck. So, you know, these are all in the slide deck, these things.