The Hidden Reason Your Hard Work Isn't Paying Off

Hello everybody and welcome back to The Advisor with Stacy Chelemi. Today I'm very excited because we have Christoffel here and he is an amazing individual who has something really special to offer. He is going to talk about the head, the heart, and the gut and how it's all intertwined and how it makes a difference if to use them properly in your lives. So Christoffel, it's a pleasure to meet you. Tell everybody a little about yourself and what you do because this is a very interesting topic to me.

Stacy, thank you so much for hosting me on this show. I followed your show and thought, oh, that's great to be on there. Who am I? Say I'm an executive coach. I'm a clinical hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, author, and a visiting professor at 2 MBAs. That sounds a lot. And if you just manage a little bit your time, it goes all perfect. Why do we do all those stuff? only for one reason, to make people actually happier, healthier, more successful. Like a lot of people like to do, of course, if you look in the coaching world and those kinds of things. And as you said, there's one big difference and it is that I work with people with the head, heart, and gut. And they think, but how do you mean that? Now, science already proved 30 years ago that we have an actual brain in our heart and it can memorize and can make decisions. Every person who has a heart transplant can acknowledge that part because they have different kind of memories, different kind of decision-making. Our gut, what is now so popular, is actually also a brain and actually is almost always in charge of us. And again, when I talk about the brain, I mean it is the same as we have in between our ears. It has neurons. So there's brain cells, white matter, gray matter, and all the in-between connections that would make it a brain. And it can memorize and can make decisions. Now, why is that so important? Because I think all your listeners and viewers once said to somebody, why don't you just follow your heart? Or why don't you just follow your gut feeling? And every time I hear this and I ask the person, What are the criteria to follow your heart? How does your heart make a decision? Then we have this silence or, uh, I don't know. The same if I ask, okay, your gut feeling, what is the criteria? How does it choose? And they don't know. What's now the beauty of it? They have really proven different kinds of strategies. To make it simple, your gut is a beautiful self-centered, egocentric, Survivor. It does an amazing job. Hence, we're all here. Your heart is really what makes us humans in that part. It is the social, the soul. It is better than every social media advertisement. It loves to connect. It loves to bond. And of course, your beautiful head loves to have a beautiful memory and likes to do what it can perfectly predict the future. So that means if you follow your head, you follow logic. If you follow your heart, you follow, you follow how can I please people and how can I connect? If you follow your gut, you think what's good for me and I don't care about anybody else. If one of those brains is dominant for a person, but we all have somewhere by nature, but much more by limiting beliefs, things that happens in our life, let's call it trauma, then they are so dominant that the other ones are not listened to anymore. And then you actually only live by your gut, your heart, or your head with all the consequences there. I will not make it so extreme that everybody who is overweight has an issue, but your heart, their heart, or their gut is in charge. And if you think, how do I mean that? Now, you know those soap series, Stacey, where they get the advice when they have a broken heart or something else, say, let's go on Chardonnay therapy. Or let's take an ice therapy. And what they actually say, the heart is in pain and the gut says, I know a way to make you feel happy again. Let's take some yummy sugars and fatty foods. Instead that the heart says, okay, so I need maybe some time just to grieve. Maybe I should connect with some other people, sing it out, feel good again, and nothing happens. To make it simple. That's what I'm doing in all those different kinds of jobs to make it known. That's why I love to be on your show because I know you have a beautiful audience who are open on, hey, how can I make my life better? Or what do I know? What do I have to do to make my life better?

Right.

So again, happy to be with you and I hope I did not make it too long story because I'm the founder of this. So my issue is always, I know too much. And I like to share because I get so enthusiastic about it when I work with people and they, and they get happy again. Last week, I'm doing this also in training coaches so they can help their clients to coach in it. I had some coaches there and I always do a demonstration and people come in with the real issue. So there are experienced executive coaches and 10, 20, 30 years experience. They come with the issue what they already are struggling with for 5 or 10 years. And then in one session, they're like, oh wow, Chris, I really have the ideas gone. How did you do that? What happened? I'd like to learn this.

Yeah.

And it puzzles me every time that it really goes so good. But it is logically, it makes totally sense when you look at it. But when you see it happening, it's like, oh wow. Because then the next time I see him in the training, I have something like, how's it going with the topic you had once? And he said, Chris, it's crazy. Last week I came in the training and I had it, and now already one week it doesn't bother me at all anymore. It is really off my plate. And that's why I love it because it's so freaking amazing. Awesome.

So the head, the heart, and the gut all play a different role, but they all have a brain. Now, how, you know, can you go more in depth about how, what the brain does and what the heart does and then what the gut does so people understand the differences and why each one has its own job and how each one differentiates between each other?

Love to do so. So let's do it the other way around, go from gut to head, and let's follow the evolution. So, okay, 500 million years ago when living organisms started to create, um, develop, uh, in this, in the oceans, actually when you look at them, they were only getting food in and getting waste material out. If you look at the most primitive creatures, actually were almost a digestive system. If you now look, say as an example, at the sea cucumber, Yeah. But it's also in the oceans. It looks like they actually see a living creature that can walk around, it can spill poison so it can defend himself. But if you look at the organs, it is actually a living gut. It is without a heart, it is without a head, and it is extremely functional. It survives almost in every sea. And it is able to now to already live millions and millions of years on this Earth. So that's where we all originate from. So that system is still alive in us from our tip of our tongue to now on the part that we wipe off on the toilet.

Right.

Yeah. And as we originated from there, you could imagine a sea cucumber and all those other living creatures have an intelligence. 'Cause they know what to eat, what not to eat, with whom to make love or to reproduce actually, 'cause love they don't understand.

Right.

Um, which, which is an, which one is an enemy, which one should they spill poison to and which one can they just outrun? So it has a primitive intelligence. Now that intelligence is also in us. And if you think, if, if your listeners think, how do you mean your gut is so important? I would say, I think common knowledge now is where's our immune system located for 90%? In your gut.

Right.

Why is that? Why is it there? Because once we were a sea cucumber, it needed to have everything to have an autoimmune, to have an immune system. Hence, we still have it and we share it with all the bacteria, but it's a different story. So what does it want to do? Actually the same as the sea cucumber. It wants to live, it wants to eat, it wants to reproduce, and it wants to stay alive. And that's it somewhere. Your God have almost the same meaning. I like to stay alive, I like to eat, I like to drink, I like to reproduce. And the word I is always there. Living creatures that are gut-brain dominated are not social creatures. A sea cucumber does not have any friends, is not on social media, and does not send any like to anybody else. That's the gut. The heart came in actually now much later in evolution, and especially in our mammals, it became more and more strong, although also birds have it in a special way. But the mammals, warm-blooded animals even more, because they started to live, say, in communities. And to live in community, you have to be social. It's not only me, me, me, me, myself.

Right.

And what did evolution do and nature do? And as your belief, or what did God do? He did something amazing. He put a neurotransmitter in the heart, but it's not available in the gut. And that is oxytocin.

Right.

And oxytocin is known for the cuddle hormone, the love hormone, the bonding hormone, and the heart can synthesize that. And where do we feel love, Stacey? Where do we feel a broken heart? In the heart. The heart is all about connections. And the moment, um, a mom gives birth to her child, there's an oxytocin boost. Unbelievable. that even after 24 hours of labor, you still love your little one. Dads have the same, only in a limited amount. The moment, say, we connect with each other a little bit, in both of us, oxytocin is released. So we like each other, Stacy, not so much that we fall in love, but just that we like each other and that we bond together.

Right.

That liking each other, of course, then more oxytocin is released. That's the main function of the heart, bonding and connecting. Because why is that important in, in also in evolution? When we are born, how independent are we?

Right.

And, and giraffe, in 30 minutes it can stand and it can walk. So it can also walk away or run away partly for, for its predators. Now, how much time do we take on average to to even to be able to stand up, 1 year. And before we can even outrun somebody, it takes at least now 10 years. So we're totally dependent on our caregivers or our parents. Now, to keep that bone so extremely straight, there's the heart from parents and from kids.

Right.

We have to keep them there. Now, why do we have that beautiful thing in between our, in our ears? Because when we became really smart, and there are different theories about it, one is about that we started to learn language. But secondly, just like almost, uh, now also elephants have it, that we created a memory. Now, what is now the use of a memory? Now, why should we remember everything? There's only one reason for that, to predict the future better.

Hmm.

If you know what you're, um, they say you fall in love with, with a beautiful person and you really, oh, you, you ain't going to cook for that person. And the, and it, and the first time you cook for him, he said, oh, or she said, I'm not really such, I'm not really into pastas. The next time you cook for that person, what are you not going to make? Pastas. Because you have a memory.

Right.

Yeah. That's why we have this beautiful thing. And in between our ears that takes 20% of our energy consumption. So it's an extremely expensive hobby, that thing there. So the only reason that evolution let us have that is because they have a huge reason, and that's all those memories. And our, our beautiful head knows future and past.

Mm-hmm.

Our heart and gut are, I would say, like the average animal that only knows today. It only knows actually now. So ask your average dog or cat, uh, uh, would you like to have something, uh, in 2 hours? It doesn't know that. You could compare it to make it extremely rude. If you ask a 3-year-old kid, um, uh, shall we have an ice cream tomorrow? The little kid is totally confused because it does not know tomorrow. It likes to have it now.

Mm-hmm.

Because we learn time somewhere around year 6 when we are 6 years old. Before 6 years old, we don't know time, right?

Yeah.

But those are the 3 options or the 3 reasons why we have them. And together they make us amazing as we are. We take care of ourselves. So that means we are number one in sports. We take a career, uh, we do the things, we are on time at our work. Me, me, me, me, me. We have a heart. So we connect with our colleagues, with our partner, with our kids, with our families. So we're really part of a group. We accept them. We're standing in, in, in the, in the subway that we have so many people around us. We are screaming all together in one big stadium for our favorite sports team.

Mm-hmm.

And, uh, as you, as you told me, you're Greek. We all dance together the dance and we throw the plates on the floor. Arm in arm and we have a big fun together. And that's your heart. And your head just makes it logical. Is it wise to do it now? Is it wise to do it tomorrow? Should I say this or should I say that? It's a strategic planner. So if you use all 3 of them, we are just amazing. If you use one of them, you fall off the bandwagon and probably you will get regret. What is regret? Regret is that you miss the new information, come aware, Oh, I should have followed my gut. Oh, I should have listened to my heart. Oh, I should have thought a little bit longer about this. If you have all 3 of them, regret is almost not there. It doesn't mean you're always happy with the outcome because we cannot predict always success, but you don't regret that you did not put all your best energy, effort, and knowledge in there. So if you don't like to have regret, use your 3 brains.

Now, one thing I find is that I notice that a lot of people I speak to that I've known or do know now, sometimes their one part is more dominant than the other. And sometimes I think that can get you into trouble too, because, you know, if you have your Type A, your Type B, your Type C, you know, and a lot of times people don't know how to balance all 3. But when, you know, from your own experience, what do you see happen when people kind of focus on more than just the either one more than the other, like your heart, your head, your gut?

Beautiful question. Um, and I teach that in my training and I did just a little slide on how can you recognize somebody who lives by the head, the heart, or the gut more dominant. And if people live by the head, it means that if you make it again really black and white and 50 shades of gray exist, And people who are dominated by the head are not spontaneous. They like to think it through. Um, they will never jump out of, uh, creativity to do something crazy because it is not logical. So there is no, they, they follow always a logical path. So they're not the risk takers. They, they follow the ABCDE. If they have a story, it's ABCDEF and all the 26 letters, a lot of times detailed, because everything is important, right? That is great, but it keeps them stuck in where they are. Most times they don't see the big picture. So when they are in a relationship or in businesses, it's hard for them to really get to the top because for the top you need the big picture. For a manager, you need sometimes a big picture. If you're too much head dominant, you like to be a micromanager because you like to see all the little things in relationships. There is no real spark. And you say, you know, we know each other one year, let's just be spontaneous. Let's go to a beautiful restaurant. And the head brain dominant person said, oh yeah, but I was just busy with this. Let me think about this. And there goes the romance. I wouldn't say there goes the romance, but the spontaneous is gone.

Yeah.

People who live dominant by the heart, they are the cuddly, and I would say they are the pleasers. In, uh, if you think about the sitcom Friends, they have that trait that Monica always has. Monica, Monica Geller, who likes to please, who likes to please everybody. And besides that, she's yeah, neurotic. That's a lot of head brain sitting there because she's rather detailed, like they have everything in the same place and everything should be clean. A lot of head brain there. But she's really in heart brain in the pleasing side. Heart brains are pleasers. Those are the people who always will help you. But never say no. So those people are at the end of the day exhausted because they help you, Stacey. They help their partner, they help their kids, they help their neighbor, they help their work. They do an extra thing for their work. And at 12 o'clock in the evening, they fall down on the couch and think, okay, I didn't have any time for myself. Those are also the people who are much more prone to burnout and actually also suffer issues But now so beautiful in the health industries from obesity, healthcare issues, their wellness, the wellness part is down. Because for wellness, you need to take care of yourself. You have to say no to other people. You have to say, you know, I take care of myself. Those are the people who in a group, the group says, let's take a drink.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, I don't like it, but I will say yes and do something what they actually don't like and eat too much, drink too much just to please everybody else.

Mm-hmm.

That's the heart brain. The gut brain is amazing. It doesn't have those issues. It says, I don't like to have to drink. I would just take what I want. I don't care if you don't like me. I don't care. It's okay. And they're extremely good in that. You see them actually in top sport, in winners, everything where you need to achieve. And really you have to put your, bite the bullet. They're there, right? Pity is they don't have real friends because everything is transactional. Can I use you or not? Okay, you're now useful for me, Stacy. So I like you. You WhatsApp me tomorrow. Can I help you? Uh, there's no, there's no benefit for me. No, Stacy, I don't have time for you. And I just dropped you off the bandwagon.

Mm-hmm.

And so they, they have that part. Um, health-wise, if they have, say, if they have, uh, they could get health issues because they're not smart enough also to take care so good of their body. If they're in one side of the gut brain, they like to look good. If they're in the other side of the gut brain, they think they can, they can get away with it.

Yeah.

Yeah. And they then just They are risk takers. So they say, oh, you know, I smoke, but everybody has to die. Yeah. You know, I can jump out of this plane because although I never had, um, well, I have a parachute. But did you get a course in it? No, no, no. But just pulling the cord, I can manage that. And they're really the risk takers. They're the people who say, I will do bungee jumping.

Mm-hmm.

Those kinds of things. It's great. They're pitiful, they're isolated and they are not liked. So they don't get the help they need. So they can get career, but they somewhere use their employees like replaceables.

Yeah.

It's, they always are for the short term. But it makes sense. Heart and gut brain don't think long term. So those are really characteristics you can see in people, right? They're really dominant. And they all have their different kind of trait of, say, health or happiness issues.

Yeah. Now, what are some ways to balance all 3? Because a lot of times you see that someone is more dominant in one area than the other. But if you really want to use your 3 areas where you could actually excel in life, which is your head, your heart, and your gut, How does someone learn how to balance all 3 to use it to their best potential so they can become the best version of themselves?

I would say 2 things. I stick up 2 fingers or 4 fingers actually. One is really start connecting with it. That's how I just really start almost like, you could call it meditation or mindfulness, but it's much really becoming aware I have them and I'm going to listen to them. To make it again really binary. Most women based on their socialization, most socialization of women is you have to please, you have to be sweet, you have to be nice, you have to look good. And it sounds horrible, but really sometimes they, so they're heart-brain dominant. They never learned almost to listen to their gut, to their own needs. So for those, it's really to come over, hey, I have one. And that is almost really like putting your hands on it and start listening to it. I always do to people a little exercise and it is they put, they put 2 fingers on their head and say, my name is, they put 2 fingers on their heart and they say, my name is, they put 2 fingers on their gut, my name is. In between, you always ask, how does your head respond? How does your heart respond? How does your gut respond? The same I do say with a nickname they had when they were young. That's more emotionally charged. And they come away right away, oh wow, totally different responses. And then we start working on, say, different kinds of topics they like to listen to. And then we come away and then we slowly start learning them to start listening or feeling the sensations of their body again. This is really starting feeling of sensations besides specific breathing techniques that helps you to start connecting with that part of your body. That's really a somatic retraining, start feeling them, start noticing them, start listening to them. That's one part. The second part is, say you have a really strong limiting belief, girls should be good, boys should be tough. So hence we never listen to our heart. Why would you listen to your heart if you have to be tough? Big boys don't cry. Then that is getting rid of that limiting belief. So the belief is not living your life in it, of course, because it blocks to listen to another brain. And when, when you are learned that, um, women are second tier and that you, you as a man have to be tough, then opening your heart or listening to your heart doesn't make sense.

Right.

Because then before you know, you would say, oh wow, I'm like a woman, I'm soft. And by the way, big boys don't cry. No, my mates, my mates will start laughing about me. So we have to get that limiting belief out of there so they can Actually, your body allows them to listen to it because if you have the belief, your body almost shuts itself off not to listen to it anymore. The same is, say, with trauma, highly impactful events. If something happened to you, the heart or the gut, but also the head can be turned off.

Mm-hmm.

For those specific things. Yeah. If it stays and it's really serious, we call it PTSD.

Yeah.

Also, those people cannot access other parts of the body anymore. And real PTSD knows he's not in Iraq anymore, or she knows she's not in Iraq anymore. But the body says, oh yeah, I know, but I just hear the bang. So I still jump on the floor and look around if somebody's shooting at me. Then the heart and God don't know it now. So we have to get those out of the system and they can then start listening to it again. again. But for, say, most average people, it's actually the first thing really start reconnecting with this anymore, with it again. Having said that, based on socialization, for most people, it is getting a little bit flexibility in their belief systems.

Right.

It is allowed for a man to feel, hence his heart. It is allowed for a woman just to say no. Do it by yourself. You know where the pants is, you know where the kitchen is. Have fun there. And I know this is really stereotyping, but this is where you see a lot of still things happening.

Yeah.

So I know I'm extremely stereotyping, but go in, go around in the world and you see there's still those stereotypes living so much, especially doers always expect. There was 30 years ago a famous book, Men Are from Mars, women are from Venus or the other way around. And it actually made, made the distinction. Men are different than females.

Mm-hmm.

And most people know still the text of the COVID Yeah, I don't understand you, Stacy, because you're from Venus, I'm from Mars. And boom, there we are. What you actually say, Venus is heart brain, Mars is gut brain. Yes, we are socialized like that, but it doesn't mean it is. So we have to, we have, really have to close that gender gap because you, Stacy, me, Christoffel, we both have 3 brains, a head, a heart, and a gut. The fact that we use a little bit more or less of one of them is partly our genes, but most of it is socialization. What did your parents say to you? What did your friends and girlfriends say to you?

Yeah.

So, but if we change that, it's totally not, and it doesn't mean we have to become fluid in all 3 of them.

Mm-hmm.

You can still be male, female, or LGBTQ or RS2, whatever kind of number you like to have.

Mm-hmm.

But it is actually, I allow myself to listen to all 3 of them. And based on that, I make a decision.

Right.

Because just imagine that every politician would do that.

Yes.

And politicians would really listen to their heart because due to all respect, most politicians don't listen because they have to win. They have to get the audience there. and they would really listen to all 3 of them, how the world would change.

Yeah.

Because then actually they would not lie anymore because the heart brain doesn't like lying.

Right.

Because the head, of course, if you lie, you break the relationship. Now, and we know, I think it doesn't matter where you live, all politicians have one thing extremely in common. It is a gut brain that tells all the stories. just to win. Just imagine we could change that, how the world would look like. Or all those CEOs who say, no, no, um, my product is not polluted, is not polluting, although it does. And they would, they, and they could not lie anymore about what they sell. Wouldn't that be freaking amazing? Awesome. That when you take a product in, in the shop, it would share honest information, right? Just imagine what to do with the world. Yeah, I know it sounds big, but for me, I love to dream big because we are humans. We have all 3 of them.

Yeah.

Why don't we use all 3 of them?

Exactly. Exactly. I feel too, like the, the social barrier, how we grew up always trying to, you know, and that goes kind of into the heart also. But, you know, the way we were brought up, the values, you know, you have to go to church, you have to do this, you have to do that, you know. And that plays a role, I think, in a lot of people's lives. And even when their parents pass on, they're still trying to please their parents that are no longer here on Earth because it's been embedded into their brain so far in. And they've never taken the time to really consider what their heart and what their body really needs. Instead, they were those people pleasers and just trying to gain approval of others. You know, how do we break those barriers, the barriers in each of those sections? You know, because there are so many people out there always trying to, you know, please, you know, the people from their past, you know, because, like, their parents are people of great influence and they feel that they're going to let them down. even though they're not doing what they really want to do deep down inside.

It is that. And actually, that is a beautiful example, what you say. Yeah. Church, parents, and how we get educated. The beauty of that is, I would say, it's again, I would say it's easy. You can almost solve it easy, although it's not always easy. Yeah. But the theory is really easy. It's a heart-brain issue. And all the values, all the things we learned to connect are in the heart. So the heart likes to be connected with the church. Hey, okay, so I do what the church says. My heart likes to be connected with my parents. Makes sense. Otherwise, we would not survive. So I do what they say. But if we pass on in life 20, 30, 40, 50 years later, it doesn't make sense anymore to follow those rules. But the heart lives in the present. So it does not know, hey, those rules were really useful 20 years ago or 30 years ago. It still thinks it's now important. It did not compartmentalize it. Logically, we know, I know I should choose for myself. I know I should do this. My parents are not there anymore, so I can choose for myself. And the heart says, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're not going to do that because I still live it now. Now, the moment, in my words, we educate the heart, it's not needed anymore. It was needed 20, 30 years ago, not now anymore. Now you can choose differently. Really, the heart drops it right away because why should I use it anymore? Because it's in the past and it doesn't have a huge brain as in our head.

Right.

So it doesn't store only things that are now important for the heart. So if it was important, so if it learns it's important for 20 years ago, it says right away, okay, we forget it. Doesn't care anymore. I have enough on my plate to do for now.

Yeah.

It allows in that moment also the gut to step in to say, hey, what do I want actually? Because I believe in the heart stops the gut from saying what I want, or it says what I want, but the heart says no, no, no. Because for us social animals, social survival is sometimes more important than individual survival.

Yes.

And why is that? Because up to here, now say 10 years old, we are dependent on our caregivers, on our parents. So it is so strongly bonded in us for those really strong connections for survival when we were young. The gut is not allowed to override it.

Mm-hmm.

Here we are, we are all Leonardo DiCaprios who let go of the little rescue thing and let Kate Winslet survive in Titanic, the movie Titanic. It's still the same in that part.

Yes.

And so, but we can teach it. And that is, that's what I see so many times in my training with people. So I still have a beautiful picture in my, really in my first, I had a beautiful guy in my training, a coach, 73 years old from the UK, really having a beautiful English that you just get totally jealous of. And in the sessions he says, Chris, I have a topic. It is really strange because it doesn't make sense to me. I said, What is it? And he shares actually one of those beliefs that he's still running already since he's 5 years old. He says, so that's 68 years already in my life. I said, I know already for at least when I became 18, it's not, I should not do it anymore. He said, but I can't, Chris, I can't. So you say that you can stick that limiting belief, I will be volunteer. And I was like, oh, why did I say I like to have a demonstration now? Anyhow, we work with him. The whole group is looking and is supporting and is beautiful. And the whole energy of that whole session now that really sparks through the head. And really at the end of the session, he says, Chris, because we ask, how are you now? Is it, Chris, I'm going to tell you something really strange. And everybody sounds like, ooh. And I think, swallow. He says, I said, I don't feel it anymore in my body. It feels empty there in my heart. Good empty, by the way. It feels good empty. But if I think about it, that I should do it or not do it, there's no, I don't feel the need anymore. Well, up to 1 hour ago, I felt a need if I just thought about it. But now I don't feel it. It doesn't feel the same anymore.

Yeah.

And why I remember it, because the beautiful guy was 73. It always somewhere pushed his life a little bit down. And he says, you know, Chris, the next 20, 30 years I still have to live. I think a beautiful optimist, 73, 103. So I can live without a little burden on my shoulders now. I'm so great that I signed up for this training really to learn how to coach in it. But this actually is, actually this session is worth all the money I paid. And it is so, So we can, we can, you, me, nobody has to live those beliefs anymore. So yes, we both can rescue the world, Steffi. Do we have, do we have some time left? But I hope everybody's listening to you has something. Oh wow, we can. And as you said, and you read that, I read the book, um, Relationships with Your Brain Is Talking. It will not right away solve all your issues if you read it, but it gives you all the insights. Hey, where are you stuck? What can you do with it? And gets you some self-help. Why I say my book? Because I always say it's the cheapest solution. €10, go to Kindle, you have it.

Yeah.

Of course you can follow training. It's much more investment to do so. And I always say people first see what you can do for yourself before you right away run to a therapist to do so much stuff. Because we have all the resources inside us to heal ourselves. I never saw the average shark, crocodile, or elephant go to a therapist and say, by the way, I have an issue, or go to whatever kind of pharmaceutical. Can you give me some medication, by the way? Because I feel depressed, anxious, I have obesity. It doesn't happen.

Right.

And we are still the same, only quote unquote Smarter. Let's say we are smarter. So we have all those resources also inside to do so. Of course, if you like to know more, you can always connect with me. And if you like to know which brain is the most dominant, that's really fun. And it really is fun. You go to my website, 3brainsintelligence.com. There you find a free test to become aware which brain of you is most dominant in your life. You get a little of A little bit of an answer off there. You, you get a score, you get an answer what your 3 brains do, et cetera. And it gives you a beautiful insight. Okay, so I live more decision-wise by my head, heart, or gut. And it gives you that insight at least to come aware, this is how I make my choices when I don't think about it. For most people, it's not a surprise, but it puts really that awareness in front of your face. You cannot deny it anymore.

Yeah.

Doesn't mean you have to change it, but you cannot say, oh, because you know now.

Yes.

And the first step of changing is getting away, getting awareness. Oh, what's happening with me?

Right.

So thank you for letting me share that. But I really, I love that all the people who listened and watch your show at least make one step to make their own life better. And if step 2, life around them better.

Now, what is the name again? Can you tell everybody so they don't forget the title of your book?

I would say it's extremely simple. It's Three Brains, Head, Heart, Gut, Three Brains Intelligence.

Okay.

Because actually we have a three brains intelligence. Mm-hmm.

It's true. That's true.

So in the old days, we thought you have an intelligence quotient. So this actually, no, how, how good your head could do the math and words. Then became emotional intelligence. And actually we have a 3-brain intelligence, hence also the name, because I really like the people come aware you're not only emotionally intelligent, you are the smartest IQ intelligent, but you're also 3-brain intelligence that covers all of them.

Right. I love it. Now tell everybody some of the services that you provide because you provide some great services and you have some great programs That you offer.

So what do I do now? As I said, I'm a coach and therapist, so I still work with people one-to-one because why do I do that? One, because now I just see people smile when they walk away. Secondly, it helps me to really stay really on the topic because every time I work with a client, I almost say I learn something new. I learn their I become aware of what they have and don't have and all that what they share to me gives me ideas. Oh, I should maybe tune a little bit more left, more right. So it's almost my research and development and they walk out smiling and happy again. So both benefit. Secondly, I deliver a 3-Brain Coach certification training. Most of the people who join our course are people who do something with coaching or do with leadership management who also They're the coach and people are just interested in, hey, how can I use my 3 brains intelligence to help myself or other people? It's not a therapy training. Please don't come there if you think I need therapy. If you like to help people, go there because it just helps you and gives you amazing insight in yourself. But also gives you amazing insight to read other people because what is the beauty? Your 3 brains, we can actually become aware which brain is talking. based on the language we use and how we do nonverbal communication, all the kind of things. But our language shares it already. Because if I say this is a no-brainer, I think everybody knows, oh yeah, that's probably your head is talking. If you say, you know, uh, I cannot do that to her, she's a sweetie, our brain is talking. And if you say, yes, you know, I'm going to eat whatever I like because I just like it. Gut brain is talking, or I just do what's good for me. Come on, me first. Gut brain is talking. So we can come over here, which language people use, which brain is talking. Now, in every relationship, in every day of life, that's a benefit.

Yes.

Because if you talk to your friends in the bar and they say, hey, Stacey, what do you think of this? Then you know, what do you think of this? They like to have a logical answer. If you say, and if they say, Stacey, I really, what should I do? Should I follow my heart in this question? Then, you know, oh, okay, they're following their heart. Maybe I should bring in some head and some heart and some gut in there. So even in normal conversations will help you amazingly. Now, the last thing I do is a master training in that. That's for people who just like to really, now I'm gonna say live it.

Yeah.

Next year also will be an online training will be there. And now you cannot have not online trainings. Ambitious with that, but my own perfectionism is a little bit stopping me in that part because I like to make it freaking amazing. And as I said, I'm the founder of this, so I have to squeeze what's in there. And I really love if people go in there, they come over here about the language. How can I help myself? Uh, what can I do? But that's really scheduled for next year somewhere. You need time to create it all. So those are the things I do. And besides, I spoke about my book. A new book is also coming also next year.

Oh, excellent.

Uh, what really goes in, yeah, the title we are still discussing with this, but something like Leading, uh, Leading with Heart and Grit. That's how all 3 of them, it's really about, that's really about self-development. What can we do to become more healthy, happy, successful in life, eh? How can you actually use your 3 brains to do so? So it is almost, you can also say it's a self-help, self-therapy, self-insight book. So there are questions in there to come over, hey, which, which of your brains are talking in different kinds of situations or all kinds of little tests. And also later on, uh, simple advices, tools, how to do it and not what to do. Because I really get so annoyed. by most gurus who tell you what to do. You should eat less. That's a what. Uh, you should care more about this. They're all whats. And what annoys me that it never says the how. Okay, I know that. How do I do that? So, but yeah, what is struggling me the same as online training, the how, how can I make the how, uh, easy to do in a way when I'm not there? Because if you read it, implementing a how is different than if somebody is helping you, coaching you there with you.

Yeah.

They say, my training now, I know the house and I don't know how actually really to make this such a way that's really transferable. And actually it makes sense to people because it came over here in my book. I have the test about my name is, my name is, my name is, put fingers, put your fingers there. Everybody in my training says, I read the book, Chris, I saw it. I thought that's rather simple. Maybe I did it, but it didn't have any impact. They do the training and really they're blown away. Really, they're blown away. People start crying when they do the exercise, have insights, have said this, this is already so amazing, Chris. For me, the training can stop now. Of course, we don't stop then when you do it. So seeing the difference in the response when you read the book and when I see them live.

Yes.

Ambition is how can I transfer it in an online training or in my book so that it has this, Now, not the same impact, but actually it really has that impact. Now that stops me a little bit. Oh, and if one of your listeners says, I listen to Chris and actually my expertise is to help him with that, please feel free to connect with me because I really like to make things amazing. And I know that we all have limited knowledge and somewhere there I hit maybe one of my walls on this moment.

And it seems once we're quite aware of all 3 and how it works and we could also stop ourselves when we see one turn more dominant than the other. And in that respect, we could actually help ourselves excel because we can actually reprogram ourselves very quickly when we see ourselves becoming more dominant in one area when we should probably be equal or maybe focusing on a different area of the brain.

Absolutely. You say it beautifully and so true. In my own life, I see a lot of times when I do shopping, And say, you know the difference when you are hungry and go shopping and when you're not hungry and go shopping, you say for food. When you're hungry, you really come home with stuff you don't like to have. When you're not hungry, you follow your shopping list, at least about myself, up to when I really start to know how my 3 brains work. So I know, and I know if I go shopping and it is too easy to be true, I always take care. I'm not hungry when I go to the supermarket. It's a simple strategy, but it makes so much sense. Most people forget it.

Yeah.

And the same if you talk to somebody and even you're in a hurry or not a hurry, always think, okay, really one spark goes up. Okay, this person, how can I stay connected to my heart brain instead of thinking, oh shit, I'm now in a hurry and I just said, call me back tomorrow. Unless of course it's really urgent. Because if you have an appointment, then it's just so easy to say, okay, I'm busy, bye. But most of our appointments are not so urgent that I have to say bye. That 1 or 2 or 3 minutes doesn't care, but it makes for the other person a massive difference. So I know when it sparks up, Christophe, you have an appointment, why don't you? And then I already know, oh, 3 minutes doesn't make so much sense. I can give 5 minutes extra and make for the other person a massive change. And those 5 minutes doesn't really make my life walkable. I'm not underneath the, underneath water with my head underneath the water, unable to breathe.

Yeah.

Those little moments of spark, those insights, listening to these frameworks makes a massive difference. And it sounds so easy and it is so hard. In my book, I have an example, one thing about, say, people who learn to become, say, a priest. And I love the example because there are 2 groups and both are told that they have to go and they have, say, a presentation to do.

Mm-hmm.

And on the way to the presentation to the other building, there's a person lying on the floor on the path needing help. Priest, a priest in— so, so, you know, there are the people who help people. Anyhow, to one group, they say, you have the presentation and no, All good, just go. And the other group to say, you have to do the presentation, but oh shit, you're late, run. What happens to all those priests? The people who say you have all the time help the people, most of them. The people that to the priest to say, run, you're late. They just jump over that person who's lying on the floor and in need of help. Yeah, because those priests are not good people. Because what they did, they activated their gut brain by being late.

Yes.

And on that moment, their gut brain said, okay, forget that person on the floor. You have to get there because you have a task to do. That's a beautiful example of how most of us are. We're not aware of it.

Yeah.

But later on, I said it to those priests. Of course, the priests who just jumped over the person all feel bad and right away run. To do confession and start praying even more. How can we be so bad? Until they are saying, you know, bad. But this is the challenges we face in life. And they don't talk about 3 brains, but the challenges we face in life as a priest and to be aware of all of it. Mm-hmm. It is also a beautiful example to train priests in that part, the compassionate part. Having said that, why this example? We all have it. And I'm always the first one to raise his hand because you still have 3 brains. We all fall sometimes from the pitfall until we know what's your brain dominance. Hence, do the test. And secondly, really start being aware, okay, if this one is dominant, I should be aware that the other ones are less dominant when something happens. So I really should start listening to them more.

Right.

And then life is almost, almost perfect. Almost.

Almost. Now, where can people find you on the website?

As I said, 3 Brains Intelligence, you find me. I have also a personal website, christoffelsneijders.com. That is harder because my name is really Dutch. So that is really a horrible thing to spell. But I will say go to 3 Brains Intelligence. Or type in relationships, Rich Brain is talking. You find my book and you find me. I'm extremely easy to find.

This has been amazing, Christoffel. I'm so glad you came on the show. This has been a very knowledgeable, very entertaining time. You have really shed light and made people— I think when they hear this presentation, they're going to understand that it's not just our brain in our head that's talking. There's a lot more going on. And to be able to utilize each section the proper way and to be able to keep them all aligned is, is very valuable in every person's, um, life. So I'm so glad you came on the show. Thank you so much for taking the time to share all your knowledge. And if there's anything, anything you'd like to say before we end, are there any— anything you'd like to emphasize before we go?

Then now my heart brain would talk now and say, Stacy, I'm so happy I was on your show and that we had such a beautiful conversation. And I really wish you all the best with your show. And secondly, to all the listeners, watchers, really, one, listen to Stacy. And secondly, just make yourself much more happy and your family. Do the free test. No strings attached and start making your life better or read my book because we all have it in you. We don't have to have a horrible life. Of course, if you're in a war zone, yes, your life is not the most happiest. But as once Viktor Frankl said, who wrote the book and psychology about, say, the Second World War and that he survived Auschwitz, people even in Auschwitz had 2 choices to become a horrible person and to become a beautiful person in those horrible circumstances. We all have those qualities inside to become a beautiful person, healthy, happy, enjoying life. Please do so. And thank you so much again, Stacy, for having me.

Oh, thank you so much for being here. Have a great day.

You too. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.