Why You Keep Getting in Your Own Way (And Can't Stop)

Hello everybody, and welcome to The Advisor with Stacy Chelemny. And today I'm very excited because we have our very special guest back today. He is part of our podcast community. He has his own podcast on our channel. It's The Three Brains Intelligence, and he is a coach and a therapist. And today he wants to talk about the blocks that we all have and how to overcome them. And this is something that I think is great because we all have blockage, we all go through things, and the question is, how do we overcome them? Well, today Christoffel is here today to tell you how to actually do that. So I'm really excited to have you back on the show. I love when you come on and you do your shows because you just have such great knowledge. All your previous podcasts were amazing. They did so well. People just love the topics you choose. You have done an outstanding job. Now, when it comes to, you know, blockage and it comes to, you know, how to overcome them, this is something that a lot of people have a lot of difficulty with. You know, what's your, your intake when it comes to about blockage? Now, exactly what is blockage and how do— does blockage actually start in our lives?

Beautiful question, Stacy. It's lovely to see you. And I love— I have to say first, I love our energy when we talk together. It is something like talking to friends, but talking a little bit deeper than just about, say, what kind of wine or what kind of food are we going to order. We also go deeper and really touch the topic. So this is really beautiful. So blocks. And yeah, you're so right. I never found somebody who does not have, say, somewhere a block.

Right.

Because a block is actually normal for everybody. Because if you like to do something, you have to get out of your comfort zone. It is now the first thing you have to learn to write or to read.

Yeah.

Also unblockage. How do you get there? But let's say a resource blockage, you have to learn something to get over it, right? And so when you come back to blocks, it's actually, you have to say the blocks of not knowing something. And you could sometimes say 3 people, it stops, people get stopped by 3 things and that there are 3 belief systems besides the physical part, the belief systems. And it's not, it's all, but that is a beautiful Pareto 20/80. I don't believe I have the capacities. I don't believe it's possible, or I don't believe it's— I'm worth it. That stops a lot of people from getting there. If you don't believe you have the capacities, yeah, why would you try it? Because I cannot do this.

Right.

If you don't believe it's possible, why should I ever start trying? Because it's not possible.

Right.

If for some odd reason you don't believe it's— you're worth it or you're not allowed to do it, then you also don't do it. And Those belief systems, 99%, are now a beautiful gift from our upbringing. And it doesn't mean our parents deliberately messed us up, but with all their love, they were more protective, more challenging, more demanding, or whatever they were from their best intentions. And somewhere we as a little child created a block from that. Because we wanted to apply to the needs our parents gave to them, gave to us, but we didn't know how to solve it. So we created somewhere a different way to do it or a belief system that we could not do it and played around with. So 9 out of 10 of the blocks we have start from there. And again, it doesn't mean we're traumatized. It doesn't mean we're messed up. It just means that we adjusted to a situation That was maybe good when we did it when we were 5 years old or 10 years old, but not helpful when we are, say, adults.

Yes.

Anymore. Okay. Um, now starting to cry when you cannot do something was maybe great because your mom would help you. Now starting to cry on your work is probably not the best thing as a donor if you have such an empathic boss. And it makes sense, but emotion is still the same. So now That's somewhere where it arises from. And say, I'm rather making it more binary, 0, 1, because there are many other reasons. But these 3 things you almost find everywhere, right? And the other part is, say, our physical part. What we discussed earlier, we have a head brain, your logical part that knows tomorrow and yesterday and can actually do analysis. Your heart brain just likes to be connected with people. And your gut brain just likes to do the things good for you. Based on the beliefs we create somewhere in our life, it has an effect on our heart, our head, or our gut. If you're told, uh, that you're stupid because your brother is smarter or your sister is smarter, then somewhere you start believing it.

Yeah.

So they think, you know, um, I'm not capable of doing so. And your head brain somewhere starts believing that, and probably your gut brain doesn't have the confidence to start trying it.

Right.

Um, if you like to please people, what every child wants, because you like to be cared by your parents, then you could create beliefs for yourself to stay connected to them if you don't do it. Yeah, I'm a boy, so I don't do that. I'm a girl, so I don't do that. We normally as boys don't become really empathic or criers because that's not really a good scene. So big boys don't cry. So we close our hearts from having that vulnerability for ourselves.

Right.

So then later in life, when it's, when your girlfriend says, you cannot really be intimate on an emotional level with me. Yeah, that's not because the guy doesn't want to, but somewhere when he was young, he learned not to show his vulnerability and his emotional intimacy because his parents would laugh about it. Not because they hated him, because they wanted to raise him for a world where boys should be boys.

Right.

According to them. And so those things happen. So most people have them. So most blocks we have are belief blocks and they stay in our head. logically in our heart and our gut. And what is now the pity why we cannot overcome them? And then is we all know logically mostly what we can and cannot do. If we really make a good assessment, I know I cannot run the 100 meters in 10 seconds. I will never be a Usain Bolt.

Right.

That's, that's a logical fact. But saying to me, hey, I cannot learn psychology because I'm in my 50s. Who says I cannot? But somewhere I learned maybe from, okay, if you're that age, you don't go to university anymore, or hey Chris, you're not smart enough, so you cannot do those kind of things. And it's somewhere in your head. But logically, most people know you can. What really stops me then is not my logic, but actually what's in my heart and what's in my gut. And maybe I'm raised by my parents, hey Chris, we all come from a, uh, from a blue-collar family. Our whole generation was a blue-collar family. So nobody goes to university here. So we are blue-collar family. So even if I'm smart, I don't go to university because I'm a blue-collar family.

Right.

My heart stops because just imagine what then my dad, my mom, my brothers would say if I would do so. They think maybe that I'm better than them or whatever. And like we connect with them, poof, block.

Right.

But also your gut brain can stop you in moving forward because you didn't get confidence to do so.

Right.

I was talking actually prior to this, to this talk, to a beautiful, really smart-ass CFO who says, yeah, Chris, but you know, I don't have a lot of confidence. I don't think I'm so smart. She's 34, CFO, manages a huge company and a lot of people. So If you look at the statistics, you say, do you know your payout? Do you know who you're responsible for?

Yeah.

Say it again. But inside, she always was pushed down by, in a positive way, by her mom. Yeah. In a way, it's not good enough.

Right.

Yeah. If she came back with an A-minus, The end, the question was, why not an A? So she never felt good enough. So whatever she does in her work, when she's 34 and running, and running as a CFO, a big multinational finance-wise, she always thinks, she always looks, it's not good enough. Yeah, Chris, but you know, I did not fix this. I did not fix that. So the gut brain doesn't have the confidence to say, no, I did an amazing job.

Right.

Who could do this on who's 34? I said, who can do this? Almost nobody. There's not a lot of people. But she looks at confidence-wise the other ones. So I'm working with her actually to get her confidence back. Just the confidence back, not to talk about other things, but how do you start believing in yourself? Actually stop getting that voice out of your head.

Yeah.

Things you did not do. How do we get your mom out of your head and actually out of your gut? So that is how we get it most times and how we could start working on it in a short explanation. Now I talk too much almost, Stacey.

Not at all. I, you know, I agree with you so much. You know, I've known people that Either they don't think they're worthy, so they immediately— so what they were taught when they were younger, you know, worked for them as a kid.

Mm-hmm.

But when they got to an adult, these were not constructive habits or behaviors that were going to get them far in life. That people pleaser, you know, always trying to please your parents. When you get older, that people pleaser doesn't work. When you're trying to please everybody, you end up stressing yourself. You end up, you know, pleasing everybody else, but you are the one getting burnt out.

Mm-hmm.

And people take advantage of you.

you. Right.

And then you have those people that, you know, I knew somebody that she was very smart, and her mother would look at her homework and say, it's not good enough, and rip it up. And, you know, when she grew up, she became a professional. She was a doctor, and she did wonderful things, but yet she never thought she was worthy. She never thought anything good of herself. And she had so many great qualities, but she never saw it in herself because of her childhood, you know, the way she was brought up in her childhood. So it traveled into her adulthood and all these blockages started. So then her choices in life besides her work were not good because she did not think highly of herself. So she never— even when she tried to strive and she tried to do things and she accomplished them, in her eyes, it just wasn't good enough and nothing was good enough. And then, you know, so it's like these blockages go into your adulthood, in your adulthood area, but then you have these bad habits that you've created in your childhood, you know, because of the way your parents may have brought you up. How do we break those, those bad habits? And so we can have constructive behaviors that will help us elevate to higher levels and help us overcome those blockages.

And then it becomes a beautiful example what you share. And what's the pity? And I worked once with a person like that and I just let— it was also her, by the way, it doesn't matter. And let her write down in an Excel sheet, what are all the good things of you? And she was actually also a surgeon. She was a surgeon. And what are the things, say, that you could do better? And I really make it this and this, because she wrote down, I think, 25 points she was good at, 3 points that she could improve. I asked her, when you look at this list, what do you see? What do you think she saw? It's 3 points. I said, 25 good, 3 points to improve. How does this weigh out? She says, yes. And really, Yes, but those 25 points are good, but that's where I get paid for. Those 3 points make me really, make me better. So she could only look at the 3 points. And what was, what is the issue? Why don't we overcome always the blocks? Because if you let people see that, the people, you know, the people I know, logically they see it.

Mm-hmm.

So she sees 25 points, she sees 3 points. logically, as he said it on one moment, logically, I know I should be extremely proud of myself that I achieved this being 41 and having all these kinds of things already on my name.

Mm-hmm.

But, and then the but came, these 3 points are really painful for me. So they're not logical, they're painful. Now, and then it comes, Our blocks, when they are emotionally connected, are stored in our heart or in our gut. They have a memory, the heart and the gut. And for people who say, does— is it true? Then I just invite you research heart transplantations and you become aware that everybody who has a heart transplantation actually also memories are transplanted and habits are transplanted and even taste and likes are transplanted. So having said that, Same as the gut. So when the emotion is, that emotional memory is stored in the heart or the gut, logic cannot override it.

Right.

So talking to the friend doesn't help. Talking to the coach doesn't help. Letting them understand them doesn't help. Say, just do it doesn't help.

Right.

It's all logical. And the heart says, yeah, but, or the gut says, yeah, but. And within, within 2 weeks, They pull the person back to the old system again. So if you like to solve, say, blocks, you have to coach them, therapy, assist them, whatever word you like to use for it, on their heart or gut memory. And that needs a different kind of work. That's not just saying, tell to your heart, Stacy, that you're good enough.

Right.

I see you already start laughing. I can say that. And how does it work? Sometimes I'm just going to tease everybody now. When I have a lot of females in my training or in a web— and most times in a webinar, I say, and also the guys, by the way, because that's also fun. I said, so tonight you go to the bathroom, you close the door behind you, you strip your main clothes off and you can keep your underwear on if you like it. where you're going to tell to every body part of you, you're beautiful and I love you. And tomorrow I like to see the hands who did it, who succeeded. And then I have 150 people in the webinar. How many people do you think can raise their hands the next day?

I'm gonna think either very few that did it.

Absolutely. Only really few. And it's not the guys who can do it always. There's some guys also, now, you know, Chris, did you see my calves? I said, no, I never saw your calves. But people are so extremely critical on themselves and they know that if they would say to a friend, they would say, no, you look good. If they would have, I said, who of you has a, is a parent? Now half of the group says, yeah, I'm a parent.

Okay.

When you looked at your baby, did you ever say you have chubby arms and you are ugly? You ever say to your baby, you're ugly? Which parent said that? All the hands were down. I said, so you don't say it to your child, but you're going to say it to yourself. Does that make sense? Not logically, does not make sense.

Right.

But emotionally, their heart or their gut is stopping them to say that.

Yeah.

So you have to coach them on that part. And I find it an amazing exercise for everybody who listens now. I challenge you to do the same tonight. And if Stacy really likes to have a lot of responses, you can, you can send a WhatsApp or email to Stacy. Stacy, I did not succeed. But you can also do it to me. You can also send me a WhatsApp and fill my WhatsApp messages. I love to hear from you. Uh, but you will be astonished about yourself that on some parts you cannot say you're beautiful, I love you. Arm, ass, tits, belly, ears, whatever it is. And that's not because you don't think it's beautiful, because people said it to you and you started to believe the people and it became actually something you believe. And a belief is logically not true because who says that these are beautiful or not beautiful ears? The beauty's in the eye of the beholder. But somebody started to believe and logically, you know, it's not true, but emotionally, your heart, your gut cannot overcome it. So then we have to work on that. Then there's really, and, and you know, it's the beauty of that, Stacey. And that's why I love my work and get always totally enthusiastic. The heart and the gut don't know time. Only our beautiful head knows time, knows tomorrow and yesterday. So our head knows it was said by my brother, my sister, my bullying schoolmates when I was 13 or 14 or 15, whatever time. Your head knows. Your heart or your gut still believes it now.

Right.

And the moment the heart and the gut knows It's past tense. It was actually that bully boy when when I was in secondary school or in high school. Then the heart and God says, oh, so it's not needed anymore. This belief. Oh, and it drops it right away. Poof! And it's gone because it only stores because it doesn't have a massive memory as our head. It only stores what's really important for our survival. and for our bonding, the gut for our survival, the heart for our bonding. So if it's not needed, it wisely throws it away because then it can store some other kind of really important memories. So, and that's beautiful. And it's gone. It's gone. I worked with somebody 2 weeks, yeah, 2 weeks ago. And the person, uh, had one of those, those beliefs. I'm not good enough. You know, the most famous one, I'm not good enough.

Mhm.

I see him last week. I say, last week we worked on that. And what kind of improvement did you make? And maybe small, maybe big, but improvement. He said, Chris, you will not believe what I'm saying. I said, okay, challenge me. He said, I can tell you from my heart, from my gut, I'm good enough. And he used some strong words to emphasize that as being an And he said, okay, he said, I like to change it. You're not good enough. He said, Chris, what on heaven's earth do you know? You're just one stupid Dutch guy who gets his money by just seeing me a lot of times. So I'm not going, I'm not going to buy this, this story of you. And he just pushed me away. And when we discussed it later, I said, Chris, I don't know what happened to me. He said, but I don't believe it anymore that I'm not good enough. And this is exactly his heart of God. Dropped it off of the bandwagon, and he could not. He said, "I can even not find it anymore." Even if I say to myself, I start laughing. And that's what I love about it. So when everybody hears it, it always doesn't work in one session. I'm not going to say, "Oh, by the way," but when your heart and gut lose the emotional connection to the memory, it's gone. Then that specific block is gone.

Right.

So if it didn't work up to now for everybody, for you, for me, for everybody, also for myself, I'm the first one who raised his hand. Don't feel anything negative about it because your mind is not capable of really overriding them.

Right.

And if people say, you know, you just have to put your mindset in it, if the pain is good enough, you can find a solution. No, because people, uh, I see people who, who, who really have issues with, uh, with smoking or with alcohol where the pain is really massive for them and they can still not stop. The amount of pain doesn't mean you stop, right? Maybe it's a motivator to stop, but it will not help you to, it will not make you stop. And it's actually finding The connection there. So that everything did not work up to now is actually to blame to all those popular other gurus who say, just put your mindset in that, make your micro habits, do little steps. And if people say, yeah, but then, and maybe I said it once, Stacey, and yeah, I think, I think we discussed, you know, how many times a baby falls on his or her butt before they can stand? Is it 10, 20, 100, or more than 1,000 times?

Not sure.

More than 1,000 times.

Wow.

Before a baby can stand, it will fall down more than 1,000 times. My sister always said I tripled that number. I've got an older sister. So if I have issues, I know it. Not kidding. So A little baby does not have a really developed head on that moment. And we are born with 80% of our brain size. And up to year 3, the brain in the head gets massive new connections and it grows by, in the first year, we said 100 million connections an hour and later on to at least 100,000 connections an hour up to year 3. So, wow, a baby does not know what he's doing in that part. He doesn't have a memory of it, no collection. Because you don't know you fell down a thousand times, and I don't know fell down three thousand times.

Yeah.

But every time we just stood up again with a big smile and did it until we managed it.

Right.

Now we are adults. Are you going to fall a thousand times on your butt before you learn skiing, or would you just say I'm not going to ski?

Right.

Who has the perseverance to fall down 1,000 times before they manage to ski or to bike or to swim? Almost nobody.

Nobody.

Maybe use an example that Edison did more than 1,000 experiments to change the light bulb. And we found that massive experience 1,000 times.

Yeah.

And that we still use it as an example because it's so extraordinary to do that as an adult. Yes. Coming back to us, to overcome your block by repetition, what almost all those gurus say out there is setting up yourself for frustration and failure because you're not going to try it 1,000 times, right? So people do it the same as the patches for stop smoking, and it doesn't work. Yeah, it's now the 20th of January. Um, people with their good year, New Year's resolutions had their quit day probably one week ago because Quitter's Day is something famous by the WhatsApp, by, by, by the Strava app that measures when people start doing all the good things the 2nd of January after the alcohol is out of the system.

Yeah.

And it dropped down within 2 weeks.

Wow.

Because their logic says I should do something about my belly. Hey, I like to do something about my stamina. I like to do something about my health. Logically, in two weeks, within two weeks, their heart, the God says, we're not going to do that. We don't come to do that. And they fall back and they go back to the old routine. Yeah. So it's not for all those listeners. It's not about yet you're not strong enough. You don't have enough perseverance. You're not weak. You're not whatever. No. You choose the strong strategy based on all those popular gurus who say you can. And unless you're Usain Bolt, unless you're a gold medal winner in sports and willing to train 6 hours a day, you will not do that.

Right.

Do you know, and, and that's amazing, yeah. You know, people who do the Tour de France in biking. Mm-hmm. Though we had COVID a couple of years ago, I think everybody knows.

Yeah.

So they were not allowed to go on group biking, all those kinds of stuff. And there was an, there is, was an at least famous Dutch sprinter. He lives in Monaco.

Mm-hmm.

And you know how many hours he was on his bike? So on his exercise bike on the balcony every day, 6 hours.

Wow.

Now, Stacy, would you be 6 hours a day on your balcony on your bike to train yourself just on the bike and not moving at all, just on your, on your exercise bike.

That's crazy.

Yeah. But that's what he did to stay in the top 3 of being the best sprinters in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah. Unless you have that determination and that grit, you will not succeed in following the exercises of micro habits, Uh, step one step will be behavioral change and all this kind of stuff because it needs so much repetitions to get that muscle memory there to override your systems in your heart and your gut. So you have to work really on that belief. And if the belief is changed, it will pull you to the good thing.

Mm-hmm.

And that makes the change. So, so we use it at this now. It is so easy. It doesn't mean it's always easy.

Yeah. Yeah.

Knowing what stops you doesn't mean you overcome it right away. But knowing, hey, hey, I learned it when I was a child because, by the way, my dad, my mom, my schoolmates, or, uh, I learned it there. And this coping mechanism was really smart to do there. And I still feel it when I would not do it. Okay, that's step one. But then getting it out, that is possible, but it needs some work. And it really needs, say, now in my words, which brain is talking, communication with the heart or the gut. And the moment that happens, it happens. And again, if you do the right thing, it happens also rather quick.

So as you mentioned the step 1 and step 2, now if someone wanted to overcome their blockage, What is, what can, what can they do to like to overcome it? So if we had to break it down very easily, you know, what, what would you tell them to do first and then second, then third and so forth?

Well, the first thing of course is analyzing where it's coming from. So you don't have to go back in the whole thing. Oh, my mom said, my dad said, my schoolmates said, but find somewhere what happened and create for yourself first on logical level. Is it still needed to have this block? I call it sometimes coping mechanism. It sounds positive because, and then acknowledge it was extremely useful then. Is it still useful now? Probably the answer is no. What are the secondary gains I still do? What are the benefits that I still do it?

Mm-hmm.

If you're a perfectionist and you like to get rid of it, what's the benefit of being perfectionist? If you write an email, it looks perfect. If you do a job, it looks perfect. So a lot of times that the secondary gains keep you stuck to it. So it's like, can I be still doing a perfect job without doing it always and being perfectionist? Yes, it is actually possible to split it there on a logical level.

Right.

And then from the logical level, you go actually to the emotional level and say, okay, I learned it to please mommy, daddy, or to be part of the peer group at school or whomever it is.

Yeah.

And then you come to have in that part, say, you could say, discussion with yourself and sitting down and saying, you know, say I would talk to daddy, mommy, uncle, schoolmate, whatever, and not to the person by itself, of course, that is not it, but say to the good part of that person, the compassionate part of that person. When I will say, that golden part in their heart that actually likes to do good. And some people are just big Fs because they're just messed up in their life. So you have to seek a little bit harder. But then I say, if you cannot find that person, say it's a horrible schoolmate who bullied you and he's not good. And I say, okay, when that boy or girl was born, was he born like a bully?

No.

What happened to him or her that he became a bully? That probably messed up older brother, sister, parents, whatever kind of stuff. Okay, now go back to his heart or her heart when he was born. Was it good? Yes. Now say you would ask that part of their heart, is it still needed that I do this coping mechanism not to be bullied by you, to get appreciation from mommy, from daddy, from whomever? Most times that heart, most of their heart will say, of course not. It was useful when we were 5 years old, 10 years old, or 15 years old. And somewhere let that communication sink into yourself, okay? And on a heart communication, so really from a heart communication, talk to heart to heart most times, it's not needed anymore, right? I don't need actually more. I hear their heart talk to me, stop it, leave it. It was useful when you were 5, when you were 10, when you were 15. Don't do it anymore. I was messed up. I wanted to do the best for you. I love you. Or I was just in pain by myself. And non-blessing is your watch. Blessing is your heart. And doing it by yourself is harder. But I know for myself, I did it a couple of times. It works. You have to get more in a meditational state for that. If you now sit and logically talk, it doesn't work because we're in our head.

Yeah.

You have to get in an emotional state so you can feel your body. And I can tell you from my own experience, doing it by myself, you can have massive relief. You really have to like, oh wow, what happened there? Almost like you get a wake-up call. And the same you can do with your gut brain. With your gut brain, okay, I learned this survival mechanism or this coping mechanism to be smarter. And it's not helpful anymore. Why did I learn it? From whom did I learn it? Oh, I learned it in that situation because it was smart to do there. Okay. Is it still needed now? Not. Okay. Which persons benefited from it? Me and maybe ABC. Okay. Say we talk to ABC on that level, would it still be needed? No, probably it's not needed anymore. And when they have the communication with, say, you can call it the energy, spiritual, imaginary, or their heart or God, it drops off the bandwagon. And why I say it works was besides that I did it and say, I will say I'm not Ben Johnson who runs the 100 kilometers in 10 seconds, but it means everybody can do it.

Yeah.

I don't see myself as special. I don't see myself as the Dalai Lama sitting on a mountain. I'm just in that part, an average Joe Black who's just maybe a little bit smarter, a little bit more experienced than other people. Yeah. But you can just have to find an easy, relaxed, beautiful spot. And there's one golden rule for it. And it is, you have to find a place where you feel totally safe to be vulnerable. Because sometimes a tear comes out, sometimes an emotional reaction does it. And so if you're sitting there and your partner is next to you and says, hey, Chris, what are you doing? That's maybe not the place where you like to do it. Yeah, the spot where you like to do it. Where you say, no, if I have to cry, if I like to scream, if I like to be frustrated, it's totally okay.

Right.

But if you feel safe to do it, you can open your heart or your gut to let that come in.

I like that. And when you talk about meditation, um, to really get in touch with your heart and your gut, Is there something, you know, you said it, you mentioned, and I agree with you, that really, if you want to see true success, you really need to do it with a coach or a therapist that is trained in the 3, the 3 components of your, your, your brain. And but if you want to try it at home, and you want to see if you could have any type of improvement, what would be that type of meditation you would suggest? Like, what would be maybe the steps, something they could do?

I love your question because when I say meditation, it sounds so easy for me because there's so many ways. The most simple way with everybody can do is just find a place where you can sit easily. I will not say lie down because sometimes people fall asleep. Where you sit nice. Theoretically, the best is if you could sit straight because then your whole spinal fluid and all your nerve systems are I say able to communicate. And if you find that nice spot, there are 2 things that help amazingly good. One, of course, what everyone knows probably is breathing. If you breathe in, you activate the sympathetic nervous system. If you breathe out, the parasympathetic nervous system. So, you first start focusing on your breathing, breathing in and breathing out slowly. And slowly, as you count 1, 2, 3, 4 in, 1, 2, 3, 4 out. And while you do so, you become aware, you start thinking for now, you start connecting with your big left toe, start feeling your left big toe. Mm-hmm. And then the little toes next to it, the other 4, until you feel them. Then you feel your heel of your left foot, and then you go to your right big toe. And the little toes next to that, and your heel there. And when you feel that, then slowly you start feeling your knees, your hips, and the rest of your body going up to your shoulders and your head. You create a bodily awareness while you keep on breathing in a relaxed pace. And actually, that is almost enough. Because if you do that and you don't put a time frame on it, when I have to do it in 1 minute, 2 minutes, If it's 5 minutes, okay. And if you like to go back from your knee to your calf to your foot, it's okay. As long as you just go slowly up and you end somewhere up in between your ears.

Yeah.

It's okay. Because what does that? The breathing helps to regulate, say, the whole system inside your body and your heartbeat by becoming aware of your body experiences. And actually, you're being A body scan, you create an inwards focus. So it's like connecting actually your mind from the outside world to the inside. And if you connect with the inside world, it helps you to connect with your heart, your gut, your head much easier.

Right.

More say somatically attuned. And that works me. That works perfectly. Why I say start with your left toe? You can also start with your right big toe. Because that's the part the farthest away from your heart and it's the end of your body.

Right.

And it helps you to just go there and just feel it, because everybody can feel it. And the moment you feel your toe here, or the toes next to it in your heel, you do an inwards focus. And if you go to your other foot, actually, you also right away ground yourself. That's why I started with the feet, to ground yourself. And then you go slowly up from the grounding, you bring the energy up from the ground to your knees, to your calves, to your knees, to your hips, to your pelvis, to your abdomen, to your chest, to your throat, to your head. So you can even do your arms and your hands if you like. You create an inwards focus.

Right.

From the grounding up. Basically, you bring the energy from the grounding up to yourself. So it doesn't have to be fancy or beautiful. And it doesn't have to be perfectly focused, 4 seconds, 4 seconds. What you like to do is to create a state where your busy mind becomes less busy or actually becomes relaxed.

Right.

Because if you're relaxed, you go from a beta state of delta waves or of brainwaves in your head, you go to an alpha state. An alpha state is enough to come in this state. You don't have to go in deep hypnosis, but the alpha state is the Zona of state, right? And then on that moment when you sit there, you can just, you can just what we just discussed. Hey, where did I learn it? How was it useful in that moment? Okay, Barb, I'm smarter, smartest. Okay, is it still useful now? No. Okay, who benefited from it? For who did I learn? Oh, from my mom, my dad, my schoolmates, whatever. Okay, say I would look at the best beautiful part of their heart that just has goodness inside them. Would they still that I like to do this? No. Okay. By the way, do you hear that heart? They said no. Hey, dear heart, what would you like to hear from your dad, your mom, your schoolmate? Oh, that they were that they loved me or that they didn't mean it or they did it from a good thing. Okay. Let them let also that heart communicate. Okay. Wow. Oh, amazing. How are you now? And most people will feel an emotional shift. I move my shoulders because that's most times what people do. Hey, Chris, I feel something moving. I say, yes, I see it moving. I see your shoulders moving because your body just responds to it.

Yeah, I love it. I love it. Now tell us a little about your services that you provide.

A little bit. Now, as you said in the beginning, I'm an executive coach. So in the business world, I coach executives and everybody Who leads or has a personal development wish? And I say more, more times executives. But of course, the moment you get gray hairs, me, then you start seen as being really smart. So then you go more acceptable for executives. So I help people in that part. And, and the other part is being a clinical psychotherapist, clinical hypnotherapist, help people say in the therapy part. And in between I studied NLP, Reiki, constellations, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, etc. To help people, how can I make them flourish? How can I make them actually live the life they want to live?

Yeah.

So in the therapy world, of course, you talk more about blocks or painful blocks. In coaching, you more talk about what people like to achieve, achieve something, like to move forward. In therapy, most times about, oh, there go my glasses. What is holding somebody back? What kind of pain do they still have?

Yeah.

That holds them back. That, that is, say, somewhere a 0-1 comparison. And I do both. Besides that, as you maybe know, I wrote a book about, uh, relationships, which brain is talking about, explaining about the 3 brains, how it works, but how it deals with every, every relationship we have.

Yeah.

So how can you get better relationships with your partner, your colleagues, et cetera, et cetera. And I deliver training to make people to learn how you can coach people in all the wide, the big words of coaching. You don't have to be a leader. You don't have to be a coach. You can just be someone who likes to help people with the 3-bin coaching. I teach people how to do that. So those are my main services I do besides being enthusiastic, being on your show and podcasting this because by being on your show and having this podcast, I hope that many people listen to this and think, hey, Stacey, you brought in a good guy. This helps me to create a better life without even seeing a therapist or a coach or whatever. But that would be great if we could make this world a better place and we don't have pain anymore. Because when we discussed before this, when you see people have horrible diseases or suffer, some might say toxicity in the workplace, or don't have a happy relationship, it's not needed. I don't say We don't have them because we all have them somewhere in our life. Yeah, it's not always needed. So long story short, that's why now we do what we do. First, if you don't have to move it, but if you find the the centers behind you find balance in your life, it is the purpose we have to create that somewhere that forcing happiness in people.

I love it. I love it. This is amazing. You know, tell us, you know, from this conversation, if you had to really emphasize on some important factors, what are some of the things you'd like to emphasize for people to take away from this conversation?

Now, one thing, you're not a failure if you didn't succeed up to now to get rid of your blocks. Because let's just say, I would say 90%, but I don't know the number of all those Well-meant gurus out there give you a strategy that doesn't work. That's repetition, right? Micro habits, step by step. Be stronger. Just make a decision. Say yeah, whatever I can. Yeah, work. So you need to feel. Secondly, your heart and your gut still believe it's needed to have it now. The moment they learn is not needed anymore and disappears extremely quickly. And thirdly, you can be in charge of that. We just discussed step by step actually how you can do that.

Yes.

You still need, need, you call Stacy, you call me, you find us on the website, 3 Brains Intelligence, and you ask a question. And, and those are the, the main steps. And by the way, I really everybody can achieve, say, to overcome his or her blocks.

Right.

I will not say it's always easy because some people really have a story that you think, wow, I'm really admiring that you're still alive and happy and not laughing anymore. And with all the torment that they had in life, but it's still possible because the beauty is It's all memories.

Right.

Nobody lives his past anymore. Only your heart and God do.

Right.

Until they learn not to do anymore. And that's the beauty of it. Whatever happened 1 year ago, 10 years ago, does not exist anymore. Only in your heart, in your God. It's an emotion. Yeah. Say, and by the way, I forgot it to tell it. Say, I just be part of BU. So a B and then U as you, and you can find me there if you go on the app. And there's a discounted €75 per session fee. So it makes it affordable for everybody. And I would say if most people can have massive steps in one session already. So Look it up, find it. So at least you can have an easier way to find me.

I love it. I love it. Now tell everybody your website so they know where to go to.

The easy website is so easy. 3 Brains Intelligence. And why it's easy, so you can also find my name, but based on my last name, the Sneijders, that is Dutch written, that is just like your last name. That is one way you can always misspell easily. Actually, me. And how many else? So 3 brains intelligence, and you find everything because our 3 brains are intelligent.

I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. Oh my God, this has been amazing. Thank you so much, Christoffel, for coming on the show today. I think this is a great topic because blockage is something that we all deal with. There are— we all have blockages in all different areas of our life, and so many people get and they don't move forward because they don't know how to overcome those blockages. So the information you provided today was so useful, so helpful. And hopefully, you know, you've really touched a lot of people and they will understand that there is ways to overcome our blockages, that life doesn't end because, you know, we are stuck in, in a certain area of our life, that we could actually— we can undo those blockages and we can move forward and we can reach the goals we want to reach. So, thank you.

Thank you.

This was wonderful. I thank you so much for coming on this show today and I look forward to our next conversation. This has been amazing.

Thank you, Stacy. Same for you. Love to see you next time. Talk about another beautiful topic and how we can make people make a happier, better flourishing life. So thank you all for listening to the amazing Stacy and of course the amazing me. But you have to give yourself a compliment at least sometimes. Yes. People find it awkward, but it's really strange. We give babies at least 50 compliments a day. When you're adults, you get maybe 5. Yeah. Give yourself a compliment. That seems, oh, it is awkward, but actually it's absolutely good to say give yourself a compliment if you deserve it, because I think we did an amazing show.

Yes.

So we can give ourselves a compliment. We did an amazing show.

Yes. I give myself a compliment. I give you a pat on the back as well.

So Kim gives her a peck.

Yes, you have a great day. Thank you so much, Christoff. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.