How To Make People Feel Seen | Simon Sinek

So there's no one thing right? It's like, if you say to me, how do I fall in love? I'll give you a list of things. If you do some of them or all of them, it may or may not work, but you're going to have to do all of it. It's like exercise. You're going to have to do all of it at some point. There's no particular order. Number one, catch people doing things right. Most people, what we do, because especially when it's high stress, we catch people when they're doing things wrong, right? It's demoralizing and it makes people operate out of fear. Catch people doing things right, celebrate it. This is what I love, that you're doing this. It sends a message to everybody to work this way. And it's incredibly inspiring. For the person who gets caught doing something right, obviously there are improvements you want to make do it at the end of the day, not in the middle. So if somebody does something wrong, unless it's dangerous, which is different, at the end of the day, say, here's all the things that I think we can improve tomorrow, right? And so it's constructive and it's done at a time where they can focus as opposed to in the middle. Remember, if you're in management, your job is to help the people who work for you work to their natural best. Your job is to see those around you thrive. That is what it means to be a leader, right? And so you want to build their confidence. You want to help them feel seen and heard as human beings. You want to give them feedback in a way that they can hear it. One of the things we don't do is learn how to give feedback the way other people want to hear it. We usually give feedback the way we like to get it ourselves. I had somebody who worked with me, and the way I like feedback is just tell me, please don't give me your feedback sandwich. Tell me the good thing, tell me the bad thing. Tell me the good thing. Generic good things, very specific bad thing. Generic good thing. Just tell me. That's how I like to receive feedback. So that's how I give it. I'm just like, here it is. Turns out not everybody likes to receive feedback that way. So I had somebody who worked with me and I had some feedback to give, and I thought I was doing a good job saying, here you go. And it did not go well. In fact, it devolved into a shouting match, which is not good. Not your best environment, not nobody's best environment. So so in the middle of this, I clearly know that it's not going well. I said, look, this is not working. I need to give you feedback. How do I give it to you? What do you want? And she said, she says, I just need you to prepare me. She said, put it in my calendar that we're going to have a feedback session or say to me, can I give you some feedback now? And I'll say yes or no. And if I say no, we can plan for it in an hour or something. And I did that. I said, you know, flash forward. I said, I have some feedback. Can I give it to you now? And she said, yes. And she could take blunt feedback better than anybody in the company. She just needed to take a breath before it happened. So we have to learn those things. It's easy to learn. You just ask. Well, you were curious. You just ask, you know. So learning how to give feedback the way somebody can hear it. You heard it from Stephanie before, like learning what somebody's hopes and dreams are. I've seen companies do this where they have a board at the back where they literally put every employee's name and their hopes and dreams on display that have nothing to do with the company. And we can help them achieve their hopes and dreams. We can help them learn. I give every employee who joins our company a little talk on the first day of their employment. I call them up individually and I tell them, I only have two things to say to you. I mean, I get to know them as well, but from my point, I haven't. My only agenda is two points. One, I tell them what they're a part of. I remind them they're a part of something bigger than themselves. And I tell them what the vision is to create a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel, feel safe wherever they are, and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do, that they're a part of that now. And I say that whether. And I expect them to take themselves on. I say that whether you're with us for a short term or a long term, whether you like it here or hate it here, my expectation is that you will leave here but a version of yourself. Because you are here, we will give you some of the resources, and I expect you to take on yourself as well outside of this organization. And that is a minimal level set. So these are the kinds of things making people feel seen and heard and understood and that somebody's in their corner trying to help them grow.