Simon Sinek draws an extended analogy between first dates and job interviews to explain how people present themselves. He argues that knowing and communicating your "why" (your purpose/values) provides context that makes self-presentation authentic, helps you connect with others, and clarifies whether others share your values. He also notes a tension: the thing you offer others (your why) is often the thing you need most from them, so partners must be able to reciprocate that value.
So what I think is really interesting is think of a date like, like a job interview, right? And think of a job interview like a date, right? So if you went on a, on a first date with someone and they sat down, they said, you know.
I'm extremely rich, I've made lots of money, I do lots of cool things, I've met a lot of famous people, I go on TV all the time, which is good because I'm really good looking. I. Yeah, yeah. Would you want to go on a second date with them? Right. Not very appealing. It's also not very appealing when we sit down for a job interview and just tell people how great we are and all the things that we've done. It's the same kind of thing. Now imagine if you knew your why and you're making conversation with someone and they say, so, you know, where are you from? You know, tell me a little bit about you. And you say, you know, I love what I do, I love my life, I love my job. You can say, I wake up every day to inspire people to do the things that inspire them. And for me, the challenge is finding all the different ways that I could do it. And I've been really, really grateful for the path that it's taken me. And I've made some money and I've got to go on tv, which is fun because I'm really good looking. And you can see how all the same jokes and all the same things now have a context. And that's what why does. It provides context. It also helps you connect with somebody that when somebody's telling you about themselves and you ask some questions and you get to know them a little bit and you realize that maybe their values are completely different than yours. So why gives you clarity and confidence in who you are and what you need around you. But it also helps you present yourself in a way that's way more authentic. Now, there's a rub to the why that I don't talk about that often.
Because you really have to get good at giving your why before you can deal with this. But the difficult part about knowing your why is the thing that you give to the world. The value you give and offer to other people is also the thing you need the most.
So one of the ways to.
Understand the people in our lives, partners and mates, is can they actually give us the thing that we give to other people?
