Simon Sinek argues that real kindness includes discomfort and doing hard things. He shares a story from Afghanistan where he flew home with a flag-draped casket, and a four-star general told him to "go on" - a moment he reads as an act of courage that gives permission to keep moving forward.
Questions this video answers
Nine and a half hours.
Bagram Air Base.
Scott Air Force Base.
The commanding general, a four-star, at the back of the room.
Chapters
That's an interesting idea. You know, kindness being harder to receive. Is there an element of people being uncomfortable in and around kindness then? I think we, I think we also, I think superficial kindness, we understand, be nice to someone, say thank you, be polite, pay them a compliment. I think we all get that right, and I think we can all be a little more kind. And that's usually where our minds go, you know. But I think kindness includes discomfort. And I think the most difficult kind of kindness is the uncomfortable kind of kindness. So, for example, somebody, you know, suffers some sort of tragedy, they lose someone close to them in an untimely fashion, they lose their job, whatever it is. And so many times we do nothing because we don't want to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing. And sometimes we do say and do the wrong thing and it does trigger someone. And so I think there's something about saying, I don't know what to do, but I think it's right to do something and to lean into trying to be kind, not knowing how it's going to be received, but it's the right thing to do, I think is the most difficult act of kindness. Because when someone is suffering, so often what we do is we leave them alone, which is not an act of kindness. I'll tell you a personal experience that, that really captures this. I did some work with the U.S. air Force. I'll spare you the long story, but I went to Afghanistan with them and I was there to witness them doing their missions. And it was an amazing experience. I was at Bagram Air Base and something happened that none of us expected. Me and my two escorts, we flew home with a flag draped casket on a big military transport plane. So I slept next to this casket for nine and a half hours. I didn't do much sleeping, but I lay next to it. And it was a profound experience that profoundly changed my life. It changed my perspective on the world. And the deal I made with the Air Force was they would send me into this war zone to observe and I would come back and report what I saw. And so about a week after the event, I went to Scott Air Force Base in Illinois and I stood on the stage with all of the generals and the colonels and I was telling them about my experience and offering some ideas. And then I get to this point in the story about coming home with this flag draped casket. The emotion is still very raw and I go quiet. And what's going through my mind is, do I talk about this? So first decision was, yes, I'll tell the story. And midway through the story, I get stuck. I start welling up. The emotions are overwhelming and I can't go on. I can't move forwards. Now, if this had happened to me in the private sector and it's happened where I get emotional on the stage, invariably someone will say, it's okay, yeah, take your time, take your time. We'll wait for you. Right. As if to say, you over there. And I was standing on the stage, unable to speak. And one voice, it was the commanding general, the four star at the back of the room. He said, go on, as if to say, go on, we are with you, you are safe. I choke up talking about it now. And it was the act of courage when somebody was emotional to say, move forwards, not wait. And I think that there's. We so often think we're being kind by giving people space or saying it's okay, but we very rarely think it's a kind thing to say, move forwards, go, and I will. The underlying message will being, and I will be with you.
