Your questions, answered | Simon Says: Episode 3

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Simon says, where I will answer some of your questions. Let's jump right in. Okay. Can we be both an introvert and an extrovert? If so, how do we capitalize on our traits? I mean, introversion and extroversion are not absolutes. We're all sort of Venn diagrams of them. And we can also change, obviously. I really like Susan Cain's definition of introversion and extroversion, where it's not about how subject socially awkward you are or not, it's about energy. An extrovert wakes up in the morning with no coins and every social interaction they have, they get a coin, at the end of the day, they feel rich. An introvert wakes up in the morning with five coins and every social interaction they have, they spend a coin and at the end of the day they feel depleted. And so I know plenty of socially awkward extroverts, but I know people who aren't socially awkward and they're also introverts. So it's not about whether you like people or like stuff, it's, I think, where you get your energy. So yes, yes, yes. We all have elements of both, depending on the circumstances, but we definitely have natural inclinations also. Okay, what should infinite minded companies be thinking about going into the second year of Pandemic? Well, infinite minded organizations should be thinking the same thing they went into the first year of pandemic, which is this is just a moment in time when we have an infinite mindset. We think of all of this stuff as like a continuum, that it's not good or bad or right or wrong, it's just part of the journey. And it's about managing the journey for the long term. There's a Chinese story that I love to tell. It's told many ways, but the way I know it is a young man is born with a remarkable ability for horse riding. And everyone in the village says, you're so lucky. And the monk says, we'll see. And then he falls off his horse and breaks his leg. And everyone in the village says, you're so unlucky. And the man, the monk says, we'll see. And then war breaks out and all the young men are sent off to battle, but he can't go because of his busted leg. And the monk says, and everyone in the village says, you're so lucky. And the monk says, we'll see. So it's the same here, which is, yes, for all of the difficulty and hardship that we have suffered over the first year of pandemic, we've learned a lot as well. We've learned a lot about how to run our businesses differently, but we've also learned to step back, make space, ask people how they are. There's been a lot more empathy over the pandemic. So I think the second year now that we're kind of a little sort of sick of all the quarantine and a little exhausted by all of it. The question is, what can we do with all those new skill sets to make our companies stronger and better when we eventually come out of this? How can we actually leverage that stuff as opposed to just reacting to it? Okay, next question.

What can we be leaders if we don't have a team? Absolutely. Being a leader has nothing to do with about being in charge and things like that, but it's about seeing those around us rise. It's about wanting to see around. It's about wanting to see those around us succeed. So if you're, for example, a solopreneur, you still interact with people. You might have a client. You can lead your client. You can help them, see them be successful. You will have people who will work with you, people that you're gonna hire. You can work with them to see them be successful. The way you interact with absolutely every human being, you can bring those leadership qualities to bear. You can always practice good leadership. Whether you're on a team or not, you still interact with people. Okay, how do we inspire a loved one who is struggling? That one's rough. Just be there for them when somebody's struggling. Sometimes all they need at the beginning is just to know that they're not alone. All they need is to know that someone cares. One of the best things you can do is just check in on them, ask them how they're doing. One of the worst things we can do when somebody's struggling is we swoop in and try and fix the problems. Men are particularly bad at this.

Don't try and fix anything. Just be there for someone and reinforce. I'm here with you. You're not alone. You're not alone. And let them speak, let them talk. That's really a big part of it. When someone feels like someone's got their back.

It'Ll inspire them, I promise.

Any tips for improving attention span?

You're talking to someone who has shiny object syndrome.

Practice meditation. I know it's sort of, I think, overused as a solution to things these days, but meditation, the whole concept of meditation is learning to focus on one thing. Learning to label a thought and put it out of your Mind so that you can stay focused. And if you can practice a little meditation every single day, five minutes even, I think it'll help you stay focused. I think the other thing we can do is be aware of.

Some of the things that distract us. For example, our phones. I talk about it all the time. Put your phone in black and white mode. It makes it less addictive. You'll actually spend less time on the phone. Practice putting your phone in airplane mode when you're around other people. Give yourself deadlines when you're going to stop using your phone in the evening. Don't charge it by your bed. Charge it in a different room overnight. Little things like that will actually help increase our attention span because we become less distractible. We become less addicted to things that distract us. Let's see what else we got here. How can we avoid micromanaging?

First of all, the fact that you want to stop avoiding micromanaging, you're already on the right course. So micromanaging comes for many reasons. One, we think we're better at doing something than somebody else. Another reason is fear that if we don't get involved, they're going to screw it up. And so how we can get better at avoiding micromanaging is taking a deep breath and having the courage to allow someone to get things wrong and to allow someone to get things right. It's one of the single biggest things that I think a leader has to learn, which is learning to let go, that we're now no longer responsible for the work. We're now responsible for the people who are responsible for the work. Try to see yourself rather as a teacher, rather as somebody who's there to take care of someone, to help them learn a skill. Change in your mindset, what your job is. It's not to get the perfect product out anymore. That's their job. Your job is to help them. And doing it for them, they'll never learn. Somebody let you try. Somebody let you fail. Somebody let you try again once before. That's how you got good at it in the first place. Pay it forwards. Okay. How can we make our voice better heard on a team?

This comes up a lot. There are multiple ways. Sometimes we have to evaluate. Is it the team or is it us? Are we a good fit on the team? Are we not being heard because we are doing the same thing over and over and over again and then just sort of like, nobody listens to me as opposed to learning to adjust our language. I've seen this happen in meetings where somebody, like, sort of varies Like, I need to tell you. I need to tell you. And people start tuning them out and then they start adjusting and be like, so here's an idea that might work. In other words, try different techniques. Also maybe try in smaller scale. In other words, talk to one person, work through an idea with them first, talk to another person on the team, work through an idea with them first. And then by the time you present to the group, you've already workshopped the idea with multiple people and they're already on your side. Also, don't be afraid to give away credit. That's another big one. In other words, if there's something that somebody said that even though it originally came from you, be like, that's a great idea. What else could we do with that? Or as Julie said, I want to pick up on what Julie's idea was. In other words, share the credit and give away the credit. Sometimes is a great way for people to hear you because they don't think you're trying to take all the credit. Hopefully that helps. Okay, how do we let our bosses know that we're struggling with our mental health without being thought of as weak?

So here's the good news. The good news, we are living in a world where the concept of mental health is now on everyone's mind. We are talking about it in terms of healthcare workers. We're talking about in terms of frontline workers. We're talking about it in terms of teenagers and kids who aren't at school and aren't socializing. So the good news is, I think it's less stigmatized than it has been even just a year ago. And I think it takes a little bit of courage to go to boss and say.

I need your help because I'm struggling. And to say, you know, for whatever the reason is, let's use Covid. You know, the situation of COVID is really getting at me, and I don't know what to do. And then be quiet. They may not be equipped with the skill set to hear you. You have to acknowledge that they may care but not know what to do. They may try and fix. They may not be good listeners. But if you need to tell your boss you're struggling, I think you need to take a deep breath and tell your boss you're struggling. I would also tell other people as well, people who you're less afraid of talking to that you work with. That will also really help. But it's great that you want to do that and you want to muster the courage. Just as an aside, one of the things we saw when Covid struck, for example, was a lot of leader. A lot of people in leadership positions where they were effective leaders or ineffective leaders prior to Covid, they leaned back on their humanity, and people picked up the phone and called each other and said, how are you? Are you okay? So the good news is I think you'll find more receptive audience now than you used to. Okay, here's another one. If we're struggling to stay optimistic, how do we find the light at the end of the tunnel? One of the best ways to stay optimistic is to help someone else. Believe it or not, one of the best ways to solve our own problems is to perform an act of service. If you have a friend or a colleague who's struggling to stay optimistic, help them, be there for them. Let them know that they're not alone. Let them know that you're there with them, and that together you will get through this and end up in a brighter place.

Than we are now. Get through this tunnel. And the amazing thing is, the more you reinforce those relationships, the more that others know that you're there for them, the more they'll be there for you. And it'll help you feel that you're not alone. So service helps. Can families or couples have a why? How do they find? Yes, absolutely. Just like an individual can have a why, and a company can have a why. Absolutely. A group can have a why. And the way you find a why for a family or a couple is the same way you would do it for an organization. It's something called an organizational why. I wrote it in the book Find you'd why. I wrote about how to find your individual why, but also how to find an organizational why. That's the technique you would use because it's an amalgamation. It's the patterns of all of the groups together, of all the people together or the couple together that would form the why. So, yes, I love that you're even asking that question. Yes, yes, yes, you can do it as a group. How do we determine if a goal is unrealistic?

Is a goal unrealistic? I mean, isn't it better to set an unrealistic goal? Like, is it better to set a goal of 100 and fail at 80 rather than set a goal of 30 and be ecstatic when you hit 29? I think all goals should be unrealistic.

And the trick is not the goal being unrealistic. The trick is being okay with missing the unrealistic goal, knowing that you're further down the path than all the people with their realistic goals. So, yes, set unrealistic goals. They're just more fun.