Ep.11 The Uniqueness of Each Opportunity with CFM Liz Donaldson

Hey everybody, this is Madeline from Strasbourg coaching and you are listening to the money is not your problem podcast. I use what I love most, my LDS faith, the common sense of Dave Ramsey's baby steps, and Brooke Castillo's life coaching tools to help you identify and manage the real issues behind your financial problems.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Hey there everybody. Welcome to the money is not your problem podcast. Today I'm interviewing a friend and a longtime friend. We've been friends, what, for 20 plus years now, right? Yes, yes. And we'll be talking about her life and why I chose her. Well, because she's a great friend of mine and I believe she's one of those chief financial moms that I talk about all the time. I think she has so many qualities that make her a well rounded chief financial mom. So she might disagree with me, but I don't think so. Anyway, we're going to start here. Hey, Liz, how are you doing?

I'm doing great. Thanks for having me.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: All right. Thank you so much for giving me your Saturday morning here, spending this time talking. Always a pleasure.

Yeah, my pleasure.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Awesome. So let's talk about a little bit of your life growing up.

Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Tell us a little bit to everybody listening. Who are you and how, where did you grow up and what are the things that make you you when you're growing up?

Sure. So I grew up in Sao Paulo, Brazil. I grew up in a single income household. My dad was an engineer and he worked on his was self employed. Self employed for the most part. You know, I think at periods of times and in my life I remember him working for a company, but the whole Covid that I remember is him working, you know, as on his own. And my mom, she was a hairdresser and she worked out of the house, but just as a side job just to earn a little bit of money here and there.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: We.

I have three siblings, so we were four. And in Brazil. That's a lot of children. I think we grew up very. In a very conservative way with money. We never went missing anything. We always had clothes. Not necessarily the clothes we wanted, but we always had clothes, had shoes, had.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Did you attend public or private school?

Both. Okay. So it. Depending on the time and the season, but we always had them. We always had food and you know that, but it wasn't the, the, the necessities. We never went out to eat. We never.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Special things.

Yes. Vacations. We never went on a vacation. Like I remember going to the beach, but it was because my aunt lived at the beach, so we would go to her house so it wasn't like, you know, anyway. But I think nowadays, financially, financially, the world is richer, so we see more of that. And I think sometimes we look back at our lives and we feel sor for that life. But at the time, that was almost like it was the norm.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right, right.

You know what I mean? So sometimes I think because we are such a wealthy nature and yeah, world, people have more access to things and it's a globalized world. Like, for me to have a Nike tennis shoes, it was like I saved for the whole year, you know, to. But nowadays you need a pair of shoes, you just go and get them. Right? So I think it's different. So it's hard to compare. And I think it's hard sometimes to sense of the past and not feel sorry and not become a victim of that, because we compare to what's now and it's just different times, you know? So I. I didn't feel rich, but I didn't. But there were people around me. There was. There were a lot poor than I was, you know, and so I felt just like, okay, that's life. That's life. That's how it is.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right. So how did your family look at money? What are some of the things that you learned growing up? Maybe, you know, from observing your parents or something that they taught you? Like, was that something that. Were you taught at home about money?

I don't think I was formally taught, but I think indirectly my dad always made us earn money. So I never had money in my pocket. But if I wanted something, let's say I was a teen and I wanted a pair of jeans, you know, a certain pair of jeans, he's like, oh, I'll pay you this much, you need to wash my car, you know, so he made us work and everything was like that. Nothing was ever given, you know, especially if it's something that you wanted in specific. It was, you know, the necessities. Again, he will give. You're gonna have a T shirt, you're gonna have some, you know, maybe socks, right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Or you want to go out with a friend, they will give you some money for that. Or you earn.

We always earn. So I babysat, know, I babysat, and that's the money I had to go out. My mom, that's one thing I remember that my mom with her hairdressing, you know, gigs, you know. Here. Yeah, yeah, she. She would. It was for us. That's the extra money that we had. She would always give it to us when we needed something or we needed money for Something at school or, you know. So my dad was never like open about financial. I guess we are not either. Like nowadays we don't how much we earn and how much they have or not have. But I grew up not having any idea how much my dad and I imagine that he struggled with four kids. And like I said, I remember one year my. The school went on strike. The public school. We actually had a really good public school close to my house because it was a brand new school. So I lived.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Everybody wanted to. To work.

Yes, everybody wanted. Yeah. Good teachers and everything. So it was a brand new school, a nice structure. And so we went in and that's the school I went to. And I lived in a neighborhood that was in between the rich, the very poor, like right in the middle. So we gather a lot from that school, from the different. The kids. Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Attended that school.

And so so anyway, so the teachers, the whole state went on strike. The public school. So that school went on strike. And then my parents, because I was the oldest, they're like, okay, Liz cannot be without a school. So then they put me on private school, you know. But now my brothers, okay, you know, we just couldn't afford it. Somebody had to be chosen and I got chosen. You know what I mean? And so I remember those situations. So they could. And I bet they struggle, they pinch money for me to go to that school. Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Well that's, that's so brave of them. Right.

And.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And difficult to make those decisions. Right. Which kid was going to go to school.

Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: So you brought something up that was really interesting. And I run this with people that I talk to a lot. Why do you think that is that people don't. Are not. Are less transparent at home with their finances. Why do you think people don't talk about finances? What do you think? How about that?

I wonder if it's unconsciously they don't want you to have ideas as a child. They don't want like sometimes like a hundred dollars for my child. For my. It's. My God, it's so much money. But it's not, you know what I mean? So I wonder if they don't want to pass the wrong idea. I wonder if you don't have. Also like in the case of my parents, I wonder if they felt like less than for saying. For being truthful about it, you know. But. Yeah, but candid about it. This is how much we make. This is how much house costs. This is what the school costs. This is how. How we divide how much. Yeah. And this is it. I don't think we have those conversations. I don't have those conversations. Like I would say we have like, okay guys, we need to tie things up, you know, let's be more careful. Let's not eat out every day or whatever, you know, now. But I don't think we ever sat down with our children. It's like, okay, this is how much money we make and this is how much things. Right. You know, being specific in numbers. I think we don't, but I don't know why.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: All right, so let's get our next question here. That leads us to the next one. Was there a specific event or defining experience that helped you in your financial journey? So let's say now you're a teenager, you're deciding what you're going to do with your life. Was there some kind of a specific event or experience that made a turning point or something that taught you a lot about money?

Sure. I don't think I have a specific one time event. So when I moved to the, to the United states, I was 18 years old. My dad had paid for my school and boarding, learning ESL to the program, to the English school and for boarding, and gave me $500 to survive for six months. Okay.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Wow.

So that's what I had. And I think that was the wake up call. And I went to the grocery store and I did the math and I said, okay, I have $20 a week that I can't spend.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Wow.

And I went to the grocery store and I spent 80. And I'm like, okay, this one's too asking you for which.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Wow.

And I learned with that, you know, and I learned with that experience, I think to, to start managing my money and to be more counting every dollar because. And I think my dad also didn't know because a semester literally means six months. Come to find out that when you move to move to the United States, a semester, semester is four months.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yes.

And that made a difference because my dad thought he had paid for the whole year, you know, and he didn't. I had four semesters.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Okay.

And so that made a difference, you know, and so he didn't know. And so after the year that he paid for English school and for my boarding, you know, I. He told me, I cannot support you anymore. Like, you either, I can help you with the school, but you either have to come home or you have to work. I was an international student. I can work. Right. You know, and so I did lots of, you know, odd jobs, scrubbed lots of toilets at night, you know, did.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: You Work as a nanny at one point.

So eventually I got that job after like a year and a half being here, I was blessed with a nanny job where I lived in and that supported me through my associate degrees degree. But it was only because I had that.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: That experience.

That experience and that opportunity because I can. I want to say full time. Like, I can work full time as an employee.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah, Employee in a job.

Yeah, yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: You know, the school had to give you permission. Yeah. That's. When you're an international student, there's a limitation of how many hours you can work and you can work through. The school provides you opportunities where you can work, but it's a limited.

Yeah. And it's not enough.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right.

It's not for travel. You can, you can buy food and pay for your expenses and your social and school with 20 hours a week. You just can't.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: It's so. But you were resourceful enough and you saw the need. So you went out and got your odd jobs and babysat and, and did rug the toilets like you said.

Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Because you already knew that was necessary.

So.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And you saw your parents hustling, so that was a good example as well.

Right, Correct.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right. So did spirituality had anything, any influence in your life as you face the different challenges in financial. In your financial journey?

Absolutely. I think for me, it was important that I always pay my church contributions, you know, as I was commanded. But I think it was a gradually, a gradual learning. I have faith in it, so I did it. But I did it periodically until I got to a point that it was like a need. Even when I was in a period of my life that I wasn't active in the church, I send in my contribution because deep inside I felt that was important.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Okay.

And so I think I would just mail it in, you know, not.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah, show up and go pay now. It's so easy, huh? You click two buttons on the site and it's paid. You don't even feel right.

Correct. And so. And now it's not an issue for me. It's not a question for me. I. I have an aunt who actually taught me about that. And I've seen miracles in her life because. Because of it. And not just financially, because she's not rich, but things coming out of the blue to sustain her in her need. Even when, you know, she's a single lady, she has never married, she doesn't have any children, and she's a seamstress. And so she always had a cute home. She always had clients. Clients coming out of everywhere.

Right.

Everywhere, you know, and so, yeah, so I think that seeing her and, you know, there's a question here about who influenced you and. And that's who came to my mind.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Oh, good.

It's her example who. Who taught me, like, it's important. It's important to show your faith, and it has nothing to do of how much you're gonna get back. You just know it's gonna happen one way or another. It could be through people, it could be through work, it could be through physical money showing at your door. You know, it could be through many means. It means that you just survive and you then die of hunger. So I think that's what faith is. And I think I. Through her example, I had that in my mind, that it's important to show gratitude for whatever it is that you've been given.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah. This is beautiful because we hear a lot of those miracle stories where the money pour out.

Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Because the person was faithful and decided to pay tithing instead of doing this. But sometimes just being obedient also gave you that peace that you knew within your heart that you're doing what you wanted to do and that that was.

Important, that it was gonna be okay.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right?

Yes. What think tithing teaches us, I think tithing teaches that it's a sacrifice, but it's a sacrifice that becomes less of a sacrifice the more you. You do it, and it becomes a privilege. So I think that that's beautiful, that it's a privilege for me to give. It's nothing. When I look what I've been giving, what the protection I've been given the whole. My whole life, the health, the opportunities, you know, you see more. You see more clearly as, like, thank you. And I think that's, you know, in part, not just because you pay tithing because you're obedient to the commandments that I believe, but dieting. I think, like I said, it becomes first when you start doing it. My children are learning that because they are not. They pay tiding here and there, but they don't work right. So it's different. It's hard to teach sometimes, but, like, when we pay tight, I think eventually it's going to click. That it's becomes like, not an obligation.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: But like it's a rhythm of the life.

Yeah. You do it and then eventually becomes, you know, it. It's. It's a sacrifice. Then it becomes something more, you know, up to it becoming a privilege. And I think that's what it teach, teaches that God doesn't need our money. Right. He doesn't he can. He can snap his fingers and make everybody rich and healthy, whatever. Right. But that's not the point. We're not here for that. Right. And so I think, I think that's what means. And it means eventually also you do you do it because you love him and not because you're expecting of him.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right. You know, that is so true. And do you think he has anything with. To do with. With being generous, learning how to be generous?

Yes. I think it teaches you definitely that, you know, as you give a little bit, then you are being. You're helping the people in your war, the more you give them. I feel at least it has been true in my life. I feel like we're very generous.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yes.

Yeah. Like, I don't. I don't count. You know, it's like, fine, have it. Just please have what you need. I have it. I have plenty for me. Like, have what you need.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Or when you recognize other people's needs, you're more willing to notice that and go and help.

Exactly, exactly. So I think that's. That definitely has. Has to do with being generous and being not so attached to the number. Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: You know, I, I see money as a flow. Money comes in and money goes out through me, of course we save and we do other things, but I see that as a way for me to bless others as well.

Absolutely. And the same with service and the same with your talents, and the same with everything you've been given. You know, it's.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: It's interesting because a lot of people have a hard time in seeing, oh, why do I want to make more money? Why do I want this? Because right now we can help when you don't have much, you can help with your time, with your talents, but there's a difference. When you can fulfill a need in the world that needs money financially. Right. When you need to help with the.

Financial needs, I, I have interesting thought about that because I don't think everybody has to be the same. I don't think everybody has to have that ambition that they're gonna have money so they can help other people. Because I've. I have friends who are very wealthy and they serve and they help a ton of people, and that's great. It doesn't mean that that's everybody's ambition. Right. And not the part of the help. It's the way you help. You know, I think it's. I think it's important to be content where we. Where you at. I think it is important to have ambition. But why are you having ambition, it's important to recognize too. Right. And so I think everybody's ambition is different and it has to be honored as such as just being different and not being comparable. You know what I mean? Or you're not as generous because you don't have enough ambition, or you are not as faithful because.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Because you're not.

You're not. You know, I think it's. It's a fine line to recognize your own desires.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right. It's what was put in us for a reason. Right. Some people do have that desire to do certain things and others don't. So just like leadership, everybody's always talking about leadership, but we need people to lead. So some people not have that desire to be a leader, to go and do something. And those desires in our heart, those righteous desires in our hearts are given to. To us by God so we can help each other out.

And it doesn't make you less.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Exactly.

It doesn't make you less than the leader.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right?

I think that's my point. That's exactly what I think. I think like, I think in leadership, like especially in, in our church, I. I can see some people wanting that. And for righteous reason, they want that so they can achieve more people. They can reach more people. They cannot achieve, but they can reach more people. Right. So I think that is great. But some people don't have that desire. They have the desire to help here in the neighborhood or they have here. Here to be there for their own family and their extended family.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yes.

And it doesn't make them less than someone who. Someone else. Right. I think it's. It's all valid. They're all parts of the puzzle that needs. They need.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: It's not necessary. We all need it. Right. With all our different talents and our different struggles so we can be there for each other. Right. I agree with you. I think this is. This is powerful. So is there anything that you still carry with you, something that you learned from your aunt, that you talked about how much she influenced your life?

This may seem. Seem a little irrelevant or not important, but she has always loved beautiful things and she has always had beautiful things within the means that she has. So her house was always clean, the bed was always made.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: The.

Everything was put away. Nothing fancy, nothing expensive, no debt to. Just to show, nothing to. But I think that. I think I have an eye for beautiful things. I like beautiful things as well. And I think that resonates with me that it doesn't mean that because you don't have wealth doesn't mean you Cannot have beautiful things or you cannot have a beautiful home, you know, because cleanliness is beautiful, because it's inviting, or because, you know, a plant is beautiful and such. So I think that kind of resonates with me.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah. And always throughout your whole time that I know you, you always had good eye for seeing things when they're beautiful, even on a small budget. And this shows on your work that you're doing right now in interior design. And I think that that's why it works so well for you, because you can work with any budget and you can make things very pretty and eye pleasing, and it doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg. But we'll get back to Liz's professional thing towards the end. But I like that that you learned that from your aunt. I think this is so good. Was there anything from your past that maybe you had to reconcile from what you learn from the past financially, or a mistake that you made that you had to learn how to deal with it, and it doesn't bother you anymore? They just made peace with that?

I think maybe the way I grew up, I can think. Sometimes I can. Even though I say, like, I didn't compare to the past and now we have a different situation, I think sometimes I do resent not having what other people had, you know, I think. And I think most of us do it, like a little bit of comparison person, you know, so when I went to my private school, I obviously wasn't at the level of the kids from the private school. You know what I mean? And I would resent that. Or like, be embarrassed. Yeah. Or be embarrassed by it. Even though had nothing to do with me personally. I done nothing, you know, So I think that's something till this day, you have to deal with at a different levels, at a different scales. I think comparison, it's. It's something that we make a decision not to. To do or, you know, that's one reason. And this is bad. But that's one reason I got off Instagram. I don't go in it anymore. Because sometimes I'm like, wow, I have such a wonderful life. I'm so blessed. God has been so generous with me in so many areas. And then I go on social media and I see a friend of mine, I don't know.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right. On a living airplane.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, it just kills that joy that I had already, that gratitude. Voluntary. Yes. Now that I want to. And then I catch myself up, like, Liz, come on. Like, you know, And I am happy for Them. But I, sometimes I've caught help call myself being happy for them, but also wanting it, you know, or a little.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Resentful that they haven't. You don't, don't.

No, I don't have resentment. I really don't. I, I'm happy. I'm like, that is so cool. I want that too, you know, that would be so fun. And then I'm like, but why do I, why have I not have it? You know, I'm blessed with the jet, you know what I mean? So I think it's like. And then. And I think I catch myself in that comparison. So I decided, you know what? This is not good for me. It doesn't add to my life. It makes me feel, have these feelings and having to deal with it. And I'm like, do I really need to have these feelings? You know, maybe it would be important for me to learn how to deal with them. But the wheel, the way I'm learning how to deal with them is just like, I just won't go on them. It's fine, it's okay. And every once in a while, every whatever, three months, whatever, I browse and I see what my family is doing or my friends are doing, but doesn't bring you joy.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: It kills your joy.

It kills my joy. And I'm just like, now it's okay. Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And we see that a lot. That's something that happens a lot to people, especially if you're struggling with finances right now. Then you go in and you're just like, wow, look at that person. But they look one way. But then they're on this vacation and you kind of. Unfortunately we do that. And before, before Internet or whatever, you had to actually see the Jonases with the new car going on vacation for you to have that comparison. Now it's in a pocket. And if you don't monitor how you use it, it really kills your joy. I think that's the perfect definition for that. So now let's switch to now. And you talked a little bit about how you do it in your home right now. So how do you teach your kids? You have three kids and how do you teach them? Tell a little bit about them, like where they are right now and how.

So I have younger kids, I have a 15 year old, a 13 year old and a 10 year old. And so they don't have an allowance per se, but we offer to pay when you know, they, they need it. They do get everything covered that they need and their activities, that's one thing. Early in in our marriage, Dan and I decided that we would do is provide them with opportunities. So whether it's for sports or an artistic or extracurricular activities. Tutoring. Tutoring was like we would always offer them. I won't make them. No. I tried making piano. That didn't work out and I had to pick my battles. And so. But anyway, I, I thought like we will always provide them with opportunities. They want to go dance, let's pay for dance classes. They want to go play basketball, let's play for.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And you take them and you go.

And I take and pick them up. So that's the way I show that I love them with opportunities. Okay. And I always, I often talk to them about opportunities. I said these are opportunities. Opportunities come only once in your life. That specific opportunity will only come once. Yeah, you. Doesn't mean you won't have other opportunities. But this one, it's right here and now. So you either take advantage or you don't. Some of my kids have taken advantage for some things and some of my kids have not taken advantage. And I have to let them learn and eventually realize what they miss, what they haven't missed, or be grateful because right now they're not very grateful. They are, but I tell them I will not make. I have just two expectations for, for you guys. One is your commitment to the gospel. That's non negotiable. Right now, churches every Sunday we participate, we go. That sounds activities during the week and activities during the week. I am more flexible with that. Okay. Because I think that's not the core. That's just a tool supplement. But church and the main things and scriptures and like our lifestyle in regard to the gospel, that's non negotiable and school is not negotiable. You have to go to school and if you're not doing anything else extracurricular, I expect very good grades because.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right.

You, that's your job and you have time. You are a student and you have time. So that's the expectation. I say everything else, everything else are opportunities. If you want to take, it's here for you. And if you don't want to take up, you will deal with the consequences, you will deal with that loss, you will deal with whatever, but whatever. So that's the philosophy we've had, you know, and as long as we can afford it, we will have that. If one day we cannot afford it, we'll come up and say we need to cut some something, you know, what can we cut? Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I think it was really interesting that you said that you and your husband decided that it was intentional. It just didn't happen.

Right, right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Talk a little bit about this intentionality.

I think it's important to make decisions, especially for your kids early, so you're not caught in the moment, like, what are you going to do? Not that we cannot make a right decision, but I think if you had thought about it a little more and why you made that decision, then I think it just goes a little easily. Things just have less, you know.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right, right. I love that. And so you. You, when they sign up for. They decided that they want to do, let's say, basketball or something, but then they don't want to do it after.

That's one condition. That's one condition. I'd say we're going to sign you up. We are paying. You have to finish whatever it is, at least the season of what we paid for. Okay. And so I don't want to hear complaints because I have to drive you, I have to figure out carpool and I have to pick you up. And so my day is from 3 to 7. I'm driving every day.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: You're for them.

Yes. Right. That's what I offer them. That's what I am offering them as a mom. And so I think I said, if I hear one complaint, you have to finish that. That term that we've signed up, that we've committed, and then you can decide if you want to do it more. And then you have to pick something else. I need you to find what it is I want them to explore. So I have one son that has explored everything. He has done mountain climbing. He has done soccer. Yeah. Skiing. He has done, you name a swimming. He has done it. He has done it all. And he switches and it's fine. I'm fine with that because I don't want to force him to keep doing something that he does. But I do want to encourage him to find what brings him joy and what's on what he's. Explore his talents. That's what I want. So I push him in that.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I love this because a lot of times we think that we have one purpose for our life. There's one thing that we're good at. And when. When we caught up in that style, we're like, I'm never going to be able to find that one thing that the Lord wants me to do. And then you waste all those other opportunities that around you.

So.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And the chance of you finding something that you like when you're exposed to all different opportunities is so Much greater. And you try something like, well, at least I know I don't like that. Yeah, right.

Yeah, I love that.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Thank you. This is such a great thing. And your commitment and your, and I see in you that there's no resentment in you taking them places because you already decided from three to seven. I'm theirs. I'm, I'll take, I don't know about them.

When I'm doing, I'm like, oh, my God. So, yeah, I don't know. I would say that that is true. But, But I do know that that's my commitment and I've committed that. Even at work, I'm like, I cannot work after three because I am the pickup. I, I, I have stuff. My kids have stuff. And that's my first priority.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yes.

In this stage of life. Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And even us, we're like, hey, can we go out to dinner? Let's go to the movies. Like, well, I cannot do this thing.

Right. Yes.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I have this commitment. So I love how true you are to the decisions you make, because that's really important too. Sometimes we push ourselves or the things that we decided to give in to, the peer pressure, I guess, of something else or not following through with our commitments. And that's one of the things, that's self discipline.

It's.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: You tell you're going to do something and you do it, and that becomes a habit that you develop.

Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I love this. So how do you handle. When is there something specific? Maybe the sports, when you give them an advice or you sign them up for something and they don't want to take your advice, or they do it completely different. How do you handle that?

It's been a process because I see lost opportunities and it breaks my heart because then I go back to my childhood. Like, I love to play tennis, right? And I found tennis three years ago, and I am obsessed with tennis, and I love tennis. You're playing every morning, right? When I found my kids, I only had the opportunity to play when I was young. I wouldn't be good, you know? And so sometimes I think I go back to that. I'm giving this kid this opportunity to explore something and how much I wish I was in that position. They're not seeing them. They're not seeing it. Right. And so I think it's hard. It's hard. It's been a process, but I come to terms with that. This child or that child needs to find their own path, you know? And I cannot force on them certain things is they're gonna. And also when I Look at an eternal. Eternal. Eternal perspective. Yeah. Eternal. Yeah. Internal perspective. I'm like, this doesn't matter if they like soccer or not, you know, and then I. I step back, like, okay, let's find something that he or she does. Like, you know?

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah. Sometimes I think as the parents, we always do that where we can see some of their talents or we see something that. Right. And. And I heard that before, it was like, okay, she would do that. She would be so great at this. She has so great potential. And sometimes we forget to. To love the person where she's at right now. Right, yeah. And we've heard that before, and it applies sometimes. But be so great at this. Right, Right. And you're offering the opportunity, and they don't want to take it. But you have to understand that, no, we have to love the person where they are right now, and they don't want to take that opportunity. That's on them.

And I learned this from one of my tennis coach. He says, there is. There are no mistakes. There are only consequences. So I think of that. I'm like, you know, it's not a mistake that, you know, he or she is taking this opportunity or not. There are consequences. Yes. We can take away is the fact that they are not going to know how to play soccer or whatever, you know, But. But I think in the grand scheme of things, if you don't get so attached to that one thing, you're like, it's okay. They're gonna be okay. They're good people.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right.

You know, and it's gonna be okay. I think that that's when you apply your faith, and that's when you apply, you know, and some people have to learn by doing their. By themselves. Some people learn from watching other people.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: You know, and sometimes they're learning from the things that you did not do that you should.

You think you should have done it, and it's okay. It's their practice. So I think when I think that way, I. I'm not as hard on myself or feel guilty or want to pressure them, and that. That's something I learned with piano. You know, I. I made the mistake of going, I'm not musical. I don't know how to read music. I never, you know, but I love the sound of it. Right? I love music.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: We all.

But I made the mistake of finding a very good teacher for my children. But a very good teacher is very demanding and strict. Right. And it has lots of expectations. So the teacher used to. The teacher. The deal was that I had to go with my children. And I had to sit in class with there so I could learn how to help them in practice. And they were expected to practice every day.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And the same way.

In the same way that he taught. And the practice would take about 40 minutes. So it was 40 minutes each child that I had to be available to teach him. And every day they would come down upstairs before school because that what we. We had decided that we were going to do it before school. And I would sit there and go over. And it got to a point that I had anxiety at night that I didn't want to get up and go deal with with the complaints and deal with. With the experience. And I had to decide, do I want a relationship with my child or do I want resentment from them or do I. How important is it that they play the piano? And I thought, you know what? Even though I spent this much on. We've invested two years so far, I'm like, if they don't want it. And that's when I made the decision that if they don't want it, I am not going to force them. That's when I made the decision that we had those two expectations out of that and that everything else was a privilege and it was an opportunity.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And.

And that's how kind of I came up to that with piano, because I'm like. And none of them played the piano. But now my son, who I thought had potential for piano, who was naturally beautiful, the way he moved his hand naturally, as opposed to my daughter, was, you know, he was like. Like just fluid and beautiful. And they both gave up the piano. Now he picks up the guitar and he tries to. On. He's learning on his own and he enjoys and he plays the ukulele. And so, like, without that pressure. Without that pressure and him exploring that side of him.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Without the five with you, Right? Yes.

And, you know, I. I think sometimes that's why you have to evaluate with your children is like, what's worth and what's not worth the fight. You know, for me, like, again, going to church and following that, that's worth the fight, you know, and that's okay, you know, but some other thing. And every family is different because every child is also different. There's different dynamics. Not because it's right for me, it's gonna be right for you. You know, you have to evaluate where you are with.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah. And then you. Each person, just like you said, the kids have their own personality. So. So not that you're going to be completely different for each child, but There's a different approach.

Correct.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: To teach that same skill or lesson or whatever we're trying to do. Right. Yeah. This is so good. So do you currently. Now let's move to now and away from the kids. Do you continue to learn about different things, about finances or better ways to handle your money or how's that going?

I think yes. I think now that I have a different situation and I have. I am more prosperous, you know, in my life. I think it's also a balance. Not want to go and get everything I can possibly get. I think that's a different control, you know, And I think it's something I. I'm working with. I'm still learning how to not go. And just because I can have whatever I going. I think it's something I do struggle a little bit right now because I am a spender because I like beautiful.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: So now I can buy beautiful things.

Correct. And so I feel like sometimes I'm like. I'm like, I don't even know. I don't even know how much that cost. I don't care.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I don't need to know sometimes.

And yeah. And I think that's something I need to learn. Learn how to do better, you know, Because I think it's important not. Not from a sake of. Of going without, but like, not to be wasteful and not. You know what I mean? I think that's something I'm in the process of.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yes. Being wise stewards of what we've been given.

Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Great. So if you had someone, a friend that's just moving to this country or starting out a life and that support from parents, but then all of a sudden, you know, now it's. It's school time. They have to figure it out. They're young. Like you did. Think about that person. Think about yourself at that moment. What are some advice or some good pointers that you could give to that. To that lady right now?

I think to someone who's moving here is just because it's on sale, it doesn't mean you need to have it. That sale is going to be there tomorrow, next month, the next month, in.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: A couple, a couple of weeks is always.

There's always a sale. Don't be so enticed to get everything just because, like, for instance, in Brazil things are less accessible. Right. So just because you have access to it now, don't get so excited. Not excited. You can even be excited, but eager to go get everything. Okay. I think that's one thing. Another thing would be is don't Spend more than what you have. Like, balance it out, like whatever comes in. You need to allocate your funds and consider everything. It's unrealistic to think you're not gonna go out to eat something. So allocate.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Realistic.

Yeah, so allocate some money for them, you know, and for everything, for all your needs. I think that's important. I think the other thing that's important here in this country is to have good credit. So I know a lot of people say no credit cards. No credit cards. If you don't have a credit card and you don't have a history, eventually you want to buy a house. You can't.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I'm gonna have to piggyback on that, and I'm gonna have to disagree to agree. Agree to disagree. We just made an offer in the house and the loan because we didn't have the money to pay cash. They used me. I don't have a credit history to do a manual underwriting. And we're buying a house because I had zero. Because Rob, his credit history wasn't enough to get the house. So it is possible, but it's much easier if you have a.

Well, and what I'm. And I guess what I'm to say is like, for instance, and I'm not saying, like, go buy stuff that you cannot afford with a credit card. It's like, learn that. Yes, Learn that you get a credit card, and even if you spend 20 bucks a month, if you pay those 20 bucks a month by when it's due, you know, learn that it's an. Because it's more tempting to go and spend your max. Your limit and not be able to pay, and that it's very expensive. So I think it is kind of a dangerous thing. But it's also, if you learn how to do it, it's a blessing. It can be helpful. So eventually you pay. You know, you have a history of 10 years of paying all your bill on time. They don't care about the amount as long as you spend, like, whether it is, like, to put gas on your car. It's like, you pay. You put the gas. This card is just for gas. You put the gas, and then you pay that bill every month on time, before time. That will help you with your credit history. And that would be helpful in this country. Yes.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: If you build in your credit, that's the way to go. Yeah, you have to pay your stuff on time.

It's very important.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And with my situation with the. No not having a credit history, what happens is you either have no credit history. But you cannot have a negative. It has to be a no. And you have of course they look back about a year of my track record pink things like they look, they ask for bank statements, they ask for bills like electric bill. All those things that I always paid on time because they didn't have have other way to look for my credit history. That is right. And not many places do the manual underwriting for you to purchase a home for the loan. So that is true. If you have a credit. If you're going to build your credit history, that's the way to go. You have to pay it on time and you have to not overspend it. And that's the difficult part of a credit card. But it's not about the money. It's really in your mind. It's putting that limit just like being intentional and having to limit that I would spend and that I will pay this right away.

And again, the way I would do it and I think the way I'm planning on doing with my children is that for instance, when they leave to go do a service mission, I will put a credit card and I'll put gas, you know, and that's it. That's their gas money. And when they come back, I met.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: There is a.

There is a credit history for this child already that I'm helping him. And that's it.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah. And they even have credit cards where you put the money up front. So the child that's learning how to use a credit card, they will use it. The money is there so it doesn't go over. So you have to pay the fees and Correct.

Because that's the part that's very dangerous. You skip one month, that 200 become 230 and then 260 and then you cannot pay it. And you don't ever want to fight yourself in that situation. That's not. Well, that's not even an option. Like you should get that off your mind that if you cannot pay it in full, it's not optional. You don't have the money. That's it.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah, and that was a good point that you said in this country because in Brazil it's a very different game. Especially if you do get in credit card debt or anything related to bank bank credit debt or chexpecial or limits because you have a different. That's going to need a different strategy for to. For you to pay it off. So you got to be really careful and just it sums up to spend less than you make. Right. That you brought it up right in the beginning. So now I have four rapid fire questions to you. Did I share them with you? I hope not. Okay, great. Because I like to see the reaction. Those are just fun questions and. And whatever comes to mind. That's where you can tell me. So the first one that I have for you is, what was the worst financial decision that you ever made? Was there something that you bought that, like, a mistake that you made? You're like, oh, why did I do that with.

When I first moved here, I really wanted some rollerblades, and I put that on layaway. So I don't know if that was the worst decision, but it was very unnecessary. Well, so that's that.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: There you go. That kind of answered the second question. What was the most useless thing that you ever bought?

I would say it's probably like some kitchen gadgets. You know, you buy and you think you're gonna make these amazing meals, and then you never use it.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I know, right? All those things that you get when you get married and you get. You put it on the list because.

You'Re like, no, I really need that. Correct. Yeah, I didn't need it. My avocado this way. Could just use the knife, I'm sure.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: All right. The last thing. What was something that you bought that turned out to be better than you expected?

I don't know, Madeline, because I do buy things. This is my model. When I buy things, like, I pay whatever it is, but I have to love it, and I have to love it. And if I love it, I know I will wear it, you know, or use it. And so I think that's one thing. So I don't know if I have buyer's remorse on a lot of things. Maybe buying too much, that will be the buyer's remorse. It's like, did I really need five of these? You know? Right. You know, No, I.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: You know, I have an example of that. I bought for one year. I got me a toolbox, And I paid $10 for that thing. And we use that so much, that little box. Because my husband has the. The, you know, the two chests in the garage, whatever. Every time someone needs a screwdriver, they go to my tool again. There's something there that I didn't think it was going to be that great, but I said all the time, so, you know, just not buying that many of the same thing. That can be like, how close?

Yeah. Now, just because you buy an amazing toolbox, you're not gonna. Every time you see a tool that works, you're gonna like this is a good deal. Remember how much I used that one? You know what I mean? You're probably not gonna end up happen three of them. Yeah, absolutely.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right. So I am so grateful for this talk with you. This has been an incredible experience and get to know more about you and your thoughts on that and I believe my, my listeners will really gonna benefit. So now tell me what you've been doing in terms of your career. What, what's up for you on the Verizon?

Well, for me, you know, I went back to school during COVID I saw an opportunity, opportunity to go back to and do interior design. So I went to school for that. I finished that, you know, got my certification and I've been working for someone for the last year and a half and I'm getting ready to go on my own, you know, just setting up my website and everything. Something that could be more flexible with hours, especially with my family life. That's what I'm working towards right now as far as career path and developing, you know, myself and excellent balance.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah, that's perfect. So I'll put Liz's website link on the show notes and you can check it out. Her projects, she's done several projects and she designs from the cheapest budget all the way to million dollar homes. So. And she has, you know, that good eye. She always knows the beautiful things. So if you want to check it out, I'll put it in the show notes. And thank you so much, Liz. This has been great.

Thank you, Madeleine.

I hope you've enjoyed today's episode. Remember to subscribe, rate and review and if you're ready to invest in yourself, check out my website, StrasbergCoaching.com to schedule a consultation or try my membership group for free. I'll be back next week for another profitable episode of the Money Sny Problem podcast. Ate Brevi Yo Brigada.