Ep.30 Bridging the Gap to Your Financial Success

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Hi there, friends. Welcome to another episode of the Money's not yout Problem podcast. Well, this week has been really crazy. We have a wedding coming up. My niece is getting married. So you can imagine how things are around here. Hairdresser appointment. Who's gonna pick up the cake? And are we going to survive the winter in Utah while we take pictures outside the temple in the morning? Well, I'll let you guys know in the next episode. Well, remember last episode we were talking about the best moments? Yes. We're about to make another best moment attending this wedding. In that episode, we discuss how to look at the best moments of our lives and how to use that to create more to help us set goals. I also told you that I do not use this approach. But. But I love the idea of looking at my past and getting a sense of gratitude and joy by having those moments in my life. I don't know. I use this approach because I find some holes. Some of the best Moments of my 2023 were visiting my family in Brazil, attending an incredible life coaching mastermind event in Texas, and having my own home office because we purchased a house that had a little bit more room. You see, these best moments require financial resources that I was able to have because I have been intentional about setting money goals for a long time. If I hadn't set, worked on and accomplished these goals, I would not have been able to have these specific great moments. Now, I invite you to think about something. If you were in a financially stable situation. Where with planning, you could enjoy experiences involving money without being heavy or stressful, what best moments would you want to have? Which trip you would like to go on? Which person or cause would you like to help? Where would you like to live? Is there a family member or friend you would like to visit that you can't right now? In today's episode, I'm going to share with you the three steps you need so you can achieve this goal of becoming good with money and having money not be the villain for you, not living the life the way you want it. So remember that the goals that really work are the ones that are related to our identity. Identity based goals are centered around becoming a different person or adopting a new identity. These goals, they focus on the kind of person you want to become and the habits that you need to have with that identity. For example, instead of setting a goal to lose 20 pounds, an outcome based goal, you might set an identity based goal to become a healthy person or fit person who exercises regularly and eats well. We see this all the time when people want to lose 10, 15, 20, 30 pounds in preparation for a high school reunion or for a wedding, the person may work really hard to achieve that goal by that date, the specific date, because the motivation is there, which is to look good in a wedding dress or to look fabulous at the high school reunion. However, the chances of that person keeping that loss, the weight loss is going to be really small because they probably did things that were very radical to be able to have the that amount of weight loss depending on the time frame. However, if they change based on who they want to become, the better version of themselves, the fit person, healthier version, then the chances of keeping that weight loss is going to be much higher because that person is now someone who eats well, someone who exercises instead of just wanted to achieve this weight loss for this one event and it's done. There's no reason to continue doing the things they were doing before. Also, by identifying with this new identity, you are more likely to build habits that align with it and achieve lasting change. So keeping the result as we talked about before. But if God loves us and accepts us for who we are, why we need to set goals and change our identity? When we look at this from a perspective of being a disciple of Christ, setting goals can be understood as a way to align our lives with divine principles and fulfill our potential as child of God. Setting goals is not about trying to become more valuable in his sight, but rather about recognizing and utilizing the gifts and capacities he has endowed us with to serve and progress. He has entrusted each person with unique talents, abilities and opportunities. All of us have that different ones so we can help each other out. Setting goals can be seen as a way to responsibly manage and develop these gifts. The parable of talents found in the New Testament emphasize the importance of using our God given talents wisely and increasing them. In Matthew 25 we read how the one servant that had five talents and he was able to get five more pleased the Lord. In Matthew 25:21 we read his Lord said unto him, well done, thou good and faithful servant. Thou has been faithful over a few things. I will make thee ruler over many things. Enter thou into the joy of thy Lord. How wonderful is to think that the Lord is happy when we use the talents that we have, especially if we're using for good and helping other people. So as we become better, as we set goals and we improve, we can do more good. We have agency which is the ability to choose and act according to our own will and setting goals is A way for us to use this agency in a purposeful way and righteous manner. We are accountable to God for our choices and actions. And setting goals can help us align our choices with his will. Isn't that wonderful that we can make these decisions and become better? We can improve our lives in any area. Especially we're talking about finances here. And we are showing God how grateful we are for all these opportunities for the talents that we have. And we can learn how to control the impulses that we have to overspend to not make those decisions wisely. Not only we benefit ourselves, but also we are in a better position to help others. As members of the church, one of our core beliefs is the idea of eternal progression. The notion that individuals can become more like him through faith, obedience and self improvement. Setting goals helps us to strive for self improvement in various aspects of our lives, including spiritually, intellectually and morally. We have the potential to become like God in character and attributes. Hard to believe, but it's possible. We have our divine essence. Setting and work toward meaningful goals is a way to fulfill this divine potential by aligning our lives with the principles of love, righteousness and service taught by Jesus Christ. Christ emphasized the importance of loving and serving others. His whole ministry was about others. Setting goals can include objectives related to serving and lifting those in need. As we set goals to develop Christlike attributes such as compassion and charity, we become better instruments in God's hands to bless the lives of others. Have you thought about someone that because their righteousness, because their willingness to serve, they brought that to your life? You had an issue, you had a problem, you had a challenge that you couldn't do it by yourself and someone was willing to help you. How about the other way around? You were able to help someone else because of a talent that you have. Sure, some people will say, well, I have time, I can bless those people with time so I can sit and listen to them, spend time with them? Yes, that is wonderful. But what if that person also needs money for food or if they're having a hard time paying their rent? And if you were in a situation where you could give that, you could just pay their rent or give them a car or something amazing like that? Of course, money is not the most important thing. It is an important tool for our progression. Though we have so many opportunities and so many situations where you're using money that learning how to handle it, how to make it, how to use for good, how we can develop self discipline in controlling our impulses and desires and learning how to Save are going to be very beneficial for us now. If you decide that becoming good with money is something you want to work towards, having a reason why, it's one of the most important things that you can do in the process of setting goals. It will help you stay committed, especially when the motivation and excitement of the starting of the goal wears off. It always does in the beginning. You might even use some white knuckling to go through the difficult parts. But it's not going to be sustainable. So having a compelling reason is very important. So you hear everybody talking about compelling reason. What does that mean? A compelling reason is a powerful and emotionally charged motivation and justification for taking a particular action or for pursuing a specific goal. It is something that resonates with you deeply and provides a strong incentive to act or to make a change. Compelling reasons are often rooted in a person's values, desires, or deeply held beliefs. And they can serve as a driving force behind one's actions and decisions. In my case, when we had over $300,000 in debt, my compelling reason was safety. I wanted to feel safe. I didn't want the stress, and stress affects my headaches and my physical health, also my mental health. I was in shambles. I needed help. So I realized that having all that debt was compounding everything. That was my reason. My reason was I was looking for peace and to have a life where I didn't have to feel so sick all the time because of the emotional stress that I felt felt being in debt. So that was enough motivation for me. It was a very compelling reason for me to endure skipping things that I wanted to do. Not going to Brazil. During two summers, I worked summer school so we could have the extra money to put towards our debt to live in a home that was very, very, very small and barely. We could put anything in there in the middle of nowhere so we could have a low house payment and be able to pay off our student loans, car debt, all the things that we had accumulated over the years. Some compelling reasons that you can find in other areas of your life. For example, health and fitness. So if you want to live a long life, a healthy life, so you can be there for your family and your loved ones. Let's say, for example, education. If you want to obtain a degree to pursue a career in nursing, because you saw how the nurses at the hospital took care of your grandmother, making her feel comfortable during her last days before she passed away, and you want to have the same impact, or you're striving for a promotion or a career change. To provide a better life for your family, saving for secure retirement or achieving financial independence so you can enjoy life on your own terms. These are some great, compelling reasons. They serve as fuel that propels us forward when we have to face the challenges and the obstacles. And that motivation can make the difference between giving up or persevering through the difficulties and actually achieving the goal. Here's a quote from Napoleon Hill's classic book Think and Grow Rich about the importance of having a compelling the starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in weak desire brings weak results, just as a small fire makes a small amount of heat. You see that in this quote he emphasized that desire or compelling reason is is the starting point for all achievement. In summary, compelling reasons give us the sense of purpose, help us overcome procrastination, and enable us to stay committed even when we face the challenges. They align our actions with our deeper values and aspirations, making our journey towards success more meaningful and fulfilling. So I'm going to introduce now our exercise. Those are the three steps I told you that you should do to create some really good goals, especially if you want to become good with money. The first thing you have to do is to look at the future. What is the result that you really want in relation to your finances? Describe the person who already has these results. Who is this person? What are the patterns of habits, decisions, behaviors and emotions that person demonstrates or has? As you go through this part, take your time to really write it down. Get a notebook and write all these things down. Imagine that person in detail what that person does, how they make decisions, how they show up, what do they dress? What do they look like? What is their routine? How do they interact with other people? All those things are important for you to decide who you want to become. That's why you're looking at your future. So think about the money and how that person handles money. How that person spends money. All this thinking will help you decide exactly what that person looks like and who you want to become. Alright, Step two. Step two is look at you now. Look at the present. Describe your life as it is right now. What do you do? What do you have? How do you use your time? What are the patterns of habits, decisions, behaviors and emotions you currently have? A fun way for you to also get some clarity where you are right now. You is taking one of those personality tests you can go online and find for one. Make sure it's free and then take those assessments. They will help you with their statements to decide some of the things that are true about you or things that you don't like or things that you like, things that you do. It is important though for you to realize that we have a bias when we take those self assessments. Sometimes we take the test thinking of the person that we would like to be and then we answered that way. So you're not getting a full picture, a complete, truthful, full picture of who you are right now. Or sometimes based on how low is our self esteem at the moment, we may underestimate or we may undervalue some of the things that we think are good. So pay attention to the self assessment bias. I actually took one that gave me that I had a 50% bias, that I was answering 50% of the questions not truthfully. How can they tell that anyway? But those are fun. I've taken one from a couple courses that I took from neuroscientists Petro Calabrese in and those are massive. That took an hour to complete those personality tests. But they are very detailed, very detailed based on the big five. So if you're looking for an assessment, always make sure that you're looking for the big five. That's what scientists use the most as more reliable for assessment on personality. And then step three, you're gonna define the bridge. How to go from who you are now to who you want to become when you're good with money. Again, you're gonna look at the habits, behaviors, decisions, emotions, all those patterns and how do they need to change? What are the habits that you need to stop doing and what are the ones that you need to start doing? Do you need different knowledge? Do you need to heal past wounds? What thoughts are running automatically in your brain that you need to replace? Which negative beliefs you need to challenge? What are the places that you need to stop going? The people that you need to start surrounding yourself with? So understanding how to bridge the gap between your current state and your desired future self is essential. When setting appropriate goals, this process helps you identify the steps and actions necessary for personal growth and achievement. Recognizing the gap between your current and desired states give you clarity about what you want to achieve. This process of looking at where you want to go and where you are and identify that change is absolutely crucial. And it's going to give you exactly the steps that what are the goals that you need to set next? What are your next step for improvement? And once you have established clearly all these aspects where you need to change, you got to start setting your goals one at a time. Such transformation won't happen overnight. You have to Be in for the long haul. And understanding the gap allows you to create a realistic and achievable goals. I love thinking about impossible goals. What do you think impossible goals? Are they not impossible? So we cannot reach. No, impossible goals only means that you're gonna keep working at it until you finally get it. Because every impossible goal is impossible until someone makes it happen. So impossible goals means only that you're not gonna give up. You're gonna continue going even when you fall down. You're gonna pick yourself back up and keep moving forward and setting those goals one step at a time, one little goal at a time towards your big vision, which will be become good with money. It will help make the journey less daunting and more attainable. If you think that the transformation is too big, that the path is too long, if you break into little steps, you're going to be able to do it. Don't focus on the big thing. Sometimes we just have to focus on right now. What's the next right step? I love Frozen Frozen two. We have when Anna has to go save her sister and Olaf is melted and it's that big chaos and she sings about do the next right thing. That's all you have to do. Just look at right now. Set your goal. What's the next first goal that you have to set if you want to become good with money? Let's say that you spend too much. Okay, so this week I'm going to set a weekly spending plan. Day by day, how much money I'm planning to spend. And then you're gonna keep yourself accountable and make sure that you follow the day plan just for that day. And doing that consistently, day after day after day, when you look back, you're gonna see the progress that you've made. And once that become an automatic habit, then pick another goal and keep moving forward. Sometimes those habits do not stick and we still have to keep working at it. And that's okay. Just be kind to yourself and keep moving forward. James Clear advocates for the power of small incremental changes, often referred as atomic habits. Rather than trying to make drastic changes all at once, breaking down your goals into small. Another key factor that he mentions is the importance of consistency in habits and creating an environment that supports your desired behaviors. By making it easy to do the right thing and difficult to do the wrong thing, you can set yourself up for success. So, for example, imagine a person who wants to save for retirement. They currently have no retirement savings, but aspire to retire comfortably. By recognizing the gap between their current financial situation and their retirement goal, they can set the appropriate financial goals. These goals might include establishing a retirement savings account and contributing a specific percentage of their income each month. Getting out of debt so there's less money coming out. Reducing unnecessary expenses to free up more money for retirement savings. Educating themselves about investment options to make informed decisions about their retirement portfolio. Seeking financial advice with a consulting agent or a financial planner to help develop a personalized plan. All of these are really important. As they understand the gap between the current financial situation, the retirement goal, it's almost impossible not to see what are the steps they need to take. So if they want to talk to a financial advisor, well, they have to set up a date with someone, so they also have to find one. They have to look at their calendar and see when they can have that meeting based on the person's availability. They have to get referrals from other people. See, all those steps already start coming up because you decided one thing that you have to do. Is it a big deal to get a financial planner? No. But in this context where he wants to start saving for retirement and have a good plan, that's really important. But it's something small that they can do right now. Now let's look at another example, maybe a little closer to home. Consider a working mother who aspires to spend more quality time with her children. However, instead of understanding the gap between her current financial situation and her desired state, she sets inappropriate goals without a clear plan. She decides to quit her job because she sat at work one day and she just decides all of a sudden that she's going to do that. Now, without a financial plan or an alternative income source, she struggles to make ends meet and feels stressed about the financial strain on her family. In this counter example, the working mother's goals were not appropriate because she did not assess the situation. The gap between where she was working full time to her desired state, more time with her children. But she has to be wise when making those decisions. Instead of taking gradual steps to achieve work life balance, she made a drastic decision without a well thought out plan, leading to unintended negative consequences. Because the consequences are going to come. If she quits her job, she's losing the source of income. And sure, she can spend more time with her kids, but without the necessities covered, kids are not going to be well taken care of. See the contrast between this other situation. Emily is a single mother of three school age children. She currently works in a job that pays the bills but doesn't provide much personal fulfillment or Align with her passions and skills. She wants to transition into a more meaningful job while still ensuring financial stability for her family. What's the compelling reason for her? It's her desire to be a positive role model for her children and to find work that aligns with her passions and values. She believes that a meaningful job would not only make her happier, but also set an example for her children about the importance of pursuing one's passions and values in life. We live in a world where everybody says do what you love and follow your heart. Well, we need to follow our heart with our mind together. Let's find something that's meaningful. Let's find something that fulfills a purpose but also pays the bills. If for some reason you have a financial situation that is set and you can just pick a job because you feel like it, great, then follow your passion. But if for now you're not in the financial situation where you can be independently wealthy and just do whatever you want, then you have to take in consideration and that's using our agency. The best way possible is acting with wisdom and guidance. All right, so what does she do? What kind of goals does she set? If she wants to transition to another career, then she has to do some research and then do some self assessment. She looks for potential careers and other industries that align with her interests and skills. She takes time to identify her strengths, weaknesses, and the type of work that would bring her fulfillment. Then she starts attending network events, workshops, and online courses related to her desired career field. She aims to build a network of contacts who can help her find opportunities in her chosen area. Then she updates her resume and cover letter to highlight relevant skills and experience that are transferable to her desired career. She customizes her application materials for each job application. That is a good step. I've done that before. To ease the transition, Emily looks for part time or freelance opportunities in her desired field while continuing her current job. These opportunities allow her to gain experience and build a portfolio. Emily revisits her family budget to identify areas where they can cut a little bit, cut unnecessary expenses, or reallocate funds to support her career transition. She ensures that she has a financial safety net to cover any gaps in income during the transition. She also seeks a mentor or a coach in her desired career field who can provide guidance, advice, and support. As she navigates this transition, she applies for job opportunities that align with her goals, emphasizing her passions and commitment in her applications and interviews. She remains patient and persistent throughout the job search process. Such a difficult thing to do because as we want something we want it to happen and it's not in our control. All we can do is prepare well for an interview and then do our best there. We don't decide if we get hired. Finally, when she receives the job offers, Emily carefully evaluates them to ensure they provide the right balance of meaningful work and financial stability for her family. Well, as you can see, this plan was a much more detail. Both have big reasons why they did what they did, but one was unwise and just out of the blue, just made a decision out of emotion. And the other one actually took the time to analyze the gap between where she wanted to go and where she was and what were the steps to get there. Sure, she might not have got that job in three months, but at least she got the job and it didn't matter how long it took. A lot of people do not believe that they can get out of the situation where they are. You can, but you have to believe that yourself. And that's why I give a lot of emphasis for you to look at your mindset and look at your negative beliefs or any beliefs that you have right now. Because if you don't believe that you're capable to make that transition or to set your goals and achieve your goals, you. You're not going to achieve them. I want to recap with you. What are the three main steps that you need to do from this episode? Grab yourself a notebook, a pen, and maybe a strawberry lemonade or a hot chocolate. If you're in the winter time and sit in a place where you can have some time just by yourself alone, without distractions. Then the first step is you're going to look at the future. Who is the person that has the results that you want? And describe that person in as much detail as you can. What does that person do? Think. What are the saving habits, the spending habits? Be as specific and detailed as you can. Then step number two, you're going to look at the now, describe your life right now. What do you do? How's your routine? How to use your time? Write it down. What are your patterns for making decisions, behaviors? How do you spend money? Do you save money? How do you do that? How do you invest in. If you're already investing, where do you waste money? And then you're going to take a deep breath. Actually, if you do not have a whole lot of time to do this, I will invite you to this in three different days. That's what I did. I wrote one day all about my future. I wrote one day all about my present. And Then the third day, I did the gap. So that's your next step. You're going to look at the future. You're going to look at you right now, and then you're going to decide how you're going to bridge the gap. How are you going to go from the person you are right now to the person in the future? As you determine the bridge, these are going to give you the specifics that you need to use and take in consideration as you're setting your goals. Remember, the future you is. Your aspiration, is who you would like to become. And it might be a big transformation, but if you do one little step at a time, you're gonna get there. When I took this exercise from Professor Pedro Calabres, I remember him saying that it's always good to have someone that believes in you, someone that encouraged you, and it's on your side. But in case you don't have anybody who can believe in you, know that I believe in you. I know that you have what it takes to make those changes. Start small. Do little things count in God? Invite him as your partner as you make those changes. It is so important that you develop this belief. And the more little goals that you set, the more you follow through with your words and the more you start achieving, the more you're gonna believe. And that progression is unstoppable. I believe in you. If nobody else believes in you, I do believe in you. And hopefully by the time you get the second goal out of the way, you're going to be able to start believing more and more in yourself. Thank you so much for staying with me for this episode. And I have a special announcement for you, so stick around and listen for it. It's something that's going to be amazing. You cannot miss it. And remember that money is not your problem.