Ep.37 🚨Act Now: Ignoring Your Account Balance? Learn from Farrah Fernandes

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Welcome to the Money Style youe Problem podcast where every week we talk about how you can become good with money in your pocket and in your mind by using practical life coaching tools and simple and efficient ways to do money math. Are you ready to invest in yourself? Let's dive into this episode.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Hey everyone.

Thank you so much for tuning in this episode. I have a conversation with someone that I just knew from a distance and then I realized that she was doing a lot of great work being a health coach. I started following her on Instagram and Facebook. So we connected and now she is here to talk to us about her financial journey and her health coach journey. And you're gonna notice her resilience to go through all the difficulties and challenges that she has had in her life and how she deals with them today so far. I'm gonna let you introduce yourselves to our listeners and thank you so much.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: For being here today.

I'm Sarah Fernandez. I have four children. I am a single mom right now and I have had a few different careers. I am now in health coaching and specifically I'm a non diet health coach. And I've always had this interest in, in health and nutrition and so that's kind of what led me into it. However, recently I've had sort of a mind shift and just life shifts happen. And so my overall mission is to help men and women with their relationship with food and with their bodies and really to reject diet culture and. Yeah. And you know, just work on that, healing that relationship that they might have, you know, lost with food and with.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Their bodies and so interesting, so important because you cannot hate yourself thin. Right? You cannot hate yourself. Right.

Yeah. And you know, and it's a, it's a tough one because really in this society that we live in, it's, you know, diet culture is sort of like, you know, the water we swim in and it's what we live and breathe. It's on, it's all around us. It's even, you know, masquerading in the health and wellness industries and even medical industry. So it's something really that takes awareness and the ability to see how it's coming into our lives and you know, choosing to actively and intentionally like reject those messages and kind of regain like self trust and trust in our body's wisdom which we were all born with. So, so I just, I love it, you know, and I, I feel like this is the direction that a lot of health coaching will, will end up going. Just because people are getting, are going to be if they're not already just completely fed up with the broken promises of the diet industry is, you know, that we, that we're experiencing like it doesn't work dieting.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right. And if it's not that, the extreme right here, right. To use the pills to have injectable things, now they go to the other extreme where the person is not healthy, is not a weight that is good for her. But then they say, no, it's okay to be like, that is, no, don't worry about it. It's like it's not, the person's not healthy. It's not good for her or for him.

Right? Yeah, that's, that's true. It's, you know, I think there's a misconception because intuitive eating is the framework that I use to coach people through this. And there's a lot of sort of myths surrounding intuitive eating. Like, oh, I can eat whatever I want that means, or you know, it doesn't matter. And it's like you say it's really an eating self care framework and it just brings us back into, you know, in tune with our innate hunger, fullness and satisfaction cues that we've kind of lost along the way to all the external methods that we use of tracking things like our weight. And then, you know, we also seem to equate health with weight. And that's, that's really not how, how it works. And so anyway, so yeah, it's, it's, I love it. It's like, it's my passion, it's my mission to help a million people heal the relationship and reject that culture.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: So yeah, in my training as a life coach, my life coach started as a weight loss coach and she talked about that it wasn't an overeating problem, is a under feeling problem. Because the problem, it was that relationship with food, why you were eating, right? And then of course you eat, you gain weight if you're eating too much for your body. But it was dealing with those emotions, dealing with those beliefs. That's what led a person to eat or to find comfort in food and all that. So I think that's, that's incredible you're doing that and, but we're gonna move forward. We're gonna talk a little bit about money today, as you can imagine.

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Tell us a little bit about how was growing up in your family and how was, how do they look at money?

Okay. So it was an interesting situation as I reflected on it from the outside. My dad was a doctor, a plastic surgeon. And so from the outside, we lived in this really big house. I went to a private school. And I think people thought, oh, you know, they just would assume that we had all the money in the world and we were comfortable. There was no stress around money. But really, it was quite the contrary. And there was a lot of stress around money. My. My parents had a lot of debt was the thing, and there was a lot of. It was just consumer debt. And just to the point of. I heard as. Even as a small child, a lot of stressful discussions where even at a very young age, I started to worry about money. And I remember even as maybe a four or five, six year old, I can't remember what age exactly, but I was. I could see how stressed my mom was, and I wanted to help. So I remember writing her and I used tape and took all the pennies I had, maybe like five pennies. And I taped the. Them in the note and I took it to my mom because I wanted to help. And I could see, you know, she was cr. She'd be crying about it sometimes they'd be fighting about it. And I was so confused when she handed it back to me and she was like, no, you keep this. And I thought, but they need money. Why doesn't she take my money? So I grew up in that kind of a setting where we looked like we had a lot of stuff and we did a lot of things and we traveled a lot. But underlying it all, I. There was stress and there was worry.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And it was on the credit card, right? It was on.

Yeah, yeah. And my dad was, like I said he was. He was a doctor, but he had worked his whole entire life. And my. My mom was actually his third wife. And so he had raised two other full families. And, you know, so he was much older than my mom, and we came along and so we have this, you know, father that looks a lot, who is a lot older. And he probably could have retired, you know, by the time he had us. And so he kept working and there was. There was just always money stress. And I was. I personally was always worried about it too.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: You watched that, huh? Where do you guys grow up? Where did you grow up?

In Hawaii.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Okay. And yeah, it's a lot. It's very difficult because Even right now, 8 out of 10 people are living paycheck to paycheck. If one paycheck doesn't show up, then they have an emergency. Right. They have a problem there. And it is difficult because he was a doctor. So you, like, you think of a doctor, someone who makes a lot of money and Sometimes to keep that lifestyle to look like. Then sometimes you spend other things and it's difficult because you guys remember that. And if that was something that he's done all his life, imagine how much stress that he was under too, right?

Yeah, exactly.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And so based on that, on your childhood, tell me a little bit about growing up when you're like a teenager. Did you get a job?

So I didn't really ever have a regular job. I would say I would do odd things here and there. My mom had horses and we would go out to the horse stables quite a bit and I would work over the summer there. People would hire me to be in their stalls or exercise their horses, so things like that. But I, I never did until I graduated in the summer. After I graduated, I, I worked at clinic. Yeah, right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And you work at your dad's clinic. What is your degree on?

So I, I didn't, my, my degree was in recreational therapy because after that summer I came up to BYU here, Utah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Oh, okay.

And that's the direction I went. You know, I worked in that for a while, but once I started having kids, I kind of let that drop and didn't go back to work until all of my kids were in school. My youngest was starting preschool and I worked at his, at his school.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Okay.

Yeah, that's helpful.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I work as a high school teacher and had the same schedule as my girls, even though they weren't there with me. So was there in a specific event or a defining experience with money that helped you in your financial journey?

Yes. And od, oddly, I would say that it, that the experiences that helped me the most came at the, the hardest time in my life. Because what I shared with you in the beginning about how I grew up, I believe when I look back on it, I can say that I had this fear of not having enough. And one of my, my biggest, most important things to me was security. And I could see that all the way through my, my previous marriage where I just want, I, I wanted to hold on to what we had and to just be secure, not take any risks. Right. And getting divorced was that hardest time in my life. And I hadn't, I was, that's kind of when I realized I was going to have to do something different. And we had been even before the divorce. My, my previous husband had been unemployed for three years. And so I was just trying to get by somehow while still being with my kids full time. And I was trying to figure that out. So that's why I took a part time job at the school and I started even donating plasma twice a week and I was cleaning neighbors houses and I was trying to do this all while my kids were at school so that when they were home I, you were home with their mom. So I would say, you know, we were, and we were at that, that level, lowest point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then getting divorced, I, I was in survival mode of course. And I had a cousin who happened to in a financial program and she'd become some type of coach with it. And so she, she helped me at that time and it really actually took me from a place of fear and I didn't even want to check my bank account sometimes and I didn't want to look at my expenses because I was so afraid of what I would see. But I, I, she, it, it took me to that place where I had to know everything and I would know everything, everything that was going out and everything that was coming in and that I could actually plan for it. And then I realized, oh, I can actually control this, you know, and well.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Because you didn't have control when you were a kid, so that's easy to understand. Why can I control this? Because all my life I didn't have control.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And, and so that's where it started. And then of course getting a good job was key and it has led to some things that I feel are really miraculous that I've been able to do as a single mother coming into a brand new field because I went from recreational therapy to teaching to now I'm in also besides health coaching, I work at an IT company. That was the job that allowed me to save my home, keep my home and buy a car and provide for my kids basically single handedly.

Right.

And so I've realized though, and I think you would probably talk about this in all of your, in all of your coaching is it all is all about mindset. Because I realized that I had this scarcity mindset from my experiences growing up and through my marriage and the fear that was the motivating factor. And one thing that I love, I think that Dave Ramsey actually says this is he and this, this image is, is in my mind now all the time is instead of like a closed fist which was my scarcity mindset letting nothing go but I couldn't let any. It's the image of like an open hand where, where like in the case of money, you know, you're, you're generously allowing it to flow out and it's flowing in.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Oh, exactly.

And so it's it's sort of like the abundance mindset to me, by contrast, and to not be living in that place of fear, but of really faith and trust and power, you know, and knowing that here I am, I'm not even where I envision myself to be, but I'm in a place where I feel like I'm living just my most, like, ideal life. Like that I've always wanted to live, you know, and that there's really only forward and upward to go from here.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah, it's. It's interesting because that. That mindset, it's a. At one point you have to. And you have that friend helping you, and you start seeing that you have control. So you're like, hey, I can take care of this and I can put some money aside. That's one of the biggest things with women is to have that sense of security, feeling that they have money for an emergency and that they're not going to be without food for their kids. Right. So that's a pretty big thing on us. And when we see. You saw how much debt impacted your mom. So I bet that was. That was confusing for you to see that big house, to see those things and go on vacation, like, and you see the fight, right. So that it's important. And then you develop that strength in yourself. You believe in yourself because you do one step, you make one good decision, then it leads to another. Right. And you start making those decisions and you see that the money is a flow, right?

Yes.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Summons in. Of course, you have to learn how to save. Some like to have some money. Some people don't know how to have money. Right. So then they come and spend it. But if you have developed that mindset, which looks like you've. You got there, right. You have that, you're developing that, becoming stronger. So that's really, really key there, right?

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And did the spirituality have anything to do with your. How you're dealing with your finances right now?

It has everything I to do with. With that and just everything to do with. With my life and my journey in general. But, you know, and that's where that. That faith and trust comes in. Because I've learned from living for a long time at the point of where I was like, I might lose my house, I might be homeless, or, you know, I don't know where I'll go. And just being able to live at that. At that point for a long time, trusting in that God will provide, and he always did. To now being, feeling a lot more secure and still knowing that there are Risks to take that are healthy and well thought out. But you just, you know, I don't know what will happen. And sometimes I actually like to consider that like an investment because I'm making investments right now myself, and I'm putting some money into these investments in myself with, for example, working through a health coaching mentorship program right now to get certified in, you know, certain things that I'm not yet. And it's. It's sort of a chunk of money that probably back in the old days, I would have said, no, I can't do that. You know, like, what if it doesn't?

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: But you've seen differently, right? There's that shift.

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And you mentioned that miracles have happened to you, so it's. We see that. The importance of spirituality there, right?

Yes, very much so. And it's just the peace instead of the fear. And now it's kind of like I don't ever make a decision anymore in my life from a place of fear because I've learned that's not from God. Fear is never from God. And so I don't want to be influenced by a source other than God. And so I have learned to just come to a place of peace and power and then make decisions from there. And that's why I feel like it's. It's enabled me to take risks that I wouldn't otherwise have taken that have really led to. To where I am now.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: That's excellent. That is so good. And was. You mentioned that you had that friend.

That helped you, and that's my cousin. Yeah. Oh, your cousin, sorry.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And are there. Do you still carry some of the things that you learn from her?

I do, yeah. It's. It's a her and she. Yes. And, you know, honestly, I left a lot of things to my. My former husband having to do with, you know, anytime we were buying or refinancing or things like that, I. I knew nothing. And so she, you know, she walked me through some of those things until now. I feel totally confident in. In those things and, you know, going to the questions, finding things out, knowing what information to find out. And so, yes, she. She kind of empowered me, I think, with information and support and. And also still I. I call her if I have a question, you know, if I'm thinking about something. And so she's been. She's been great.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Your soundboard, right. If you need something to run an idea, and it makes all the difference because it's not that you're depending on her, but you, like, you have that. That Relationship that can really help you.

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Sometimes, you know, especially as a single mother, you're just like, okay, I have the feeling or I want to do this, let's just ask someone else. And the scripture says that there's wisdom in a council of many people. So I decide to have this board. So I know if I have a problem or a question about health, I'll talk to this person. Right. Or if I need something to do with exercise, I reach this other person. So we know the strengths of other people and we ask them to speak into our lives.

Right?

Yes. I love that. And, you know, I think that's why what you do is so important, because I think, like, I was so lost as far as finances, and so she really was like an angel that I needed, like an answer to prayers that I didn't even. Like.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: It was in your heart. Yeah, yeah.

And just having people that, that do have that knowledge and that those experiences to help, I think can make such a huge difference.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yes. So was there. Do you have to make peace or reconcile anything from your past that you learned from, you know, any financial mistake.

That you did or specifically with finances? Right. We talking about?

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah.

Honestly, I, I feel like I must have already made any.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Forgotten about.

Yeah. I, I, I, like I say, I used to live with anxiety, worry, and fear surrounding finances. And that's not to say that every so often I'm not thinking, you know, I've got this, this thing going on and, you know, whatever, that I have some questions about how I'm going to be able to do that, but it's definitely, it's definitely different. And so I do feel at peace and I can't really think of anything.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Did you ever resent your parents for fighting, for going into debt and creating the stress at home?

I don't remember and I don't now currently, so I don't, I don't think so. I think mostly it just, it put thoughts and beliefs in my mind that I wasn't aware were being placed there at the time. But coaching is so amazing with that. Right. It's like it really makes you aware of your first of all your feelings, then tracing it back to the thought thoughts that cause those feelings, they're affecting what actions you take and your results. And so I think only in the last couple years, I've actually become aware that I've had that, the scarcity mindset for a long time. And basically those things holding you back, right? Yeah, my childhood. But I don't blame them because I think everyone, everyone does the best they can with what they, what they know and what they've experienced.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And I think that's something that we realize when we have kids, right?

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Because for a while we were mad at our parents or something, and then we realized when we have kids that we're just trying to do the best we can.

It's true.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And sometimes we don't know what we're doing, but we're like, okay, we're just gonna go this direction, right?

Yeah. And. Yeah, and I think that's true. It's like we look back and I'm like, oh, I should have done that. Like from the place I am now, I know better that I should have done this. But at the time, we didn't know what we know now. And I think we learned it from doing those things that way. Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And it's interesting because there's that scripture, right. Even if we make the bad decisions, but if we're close to then he turns ashes into beauty.

Yes. I love that one so much.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Because, you know, even though we made a mistake then he still bless us. And he still, of course, some of those opportunities that were there that we didn't make that choice, we don't have those blessings. But then he still gave us an opportunity to improve, to get something else out of the. The issue that we had or something.

That's so true. And actually when you said that I did come, something did come to mind as far as, like a choice that I made for at one point in my life with my finances, that looking back on it, you know, I actually don't know that I regret it, but I realize that now I would not do that again. And that was when we were struggling and we were living. My husband at the time and our. Our kids were all living in Hawaii. And I thought we were struggling then and it wasn't even near to what was still to come, but I chose to stop paying our tithing. And I was the one that always did. And that. That went on for several months. And I thought that I needed to do that, even though that was something I had always believed in, to pay my tithing. And what you said is that fear based, right? Is that exactly like that? That scarcity mindset, that clenched hand trying to hold on to what I have. And what. What I realized is he still, he still blessed my family and he still took care of us. But I couldn't feel the peace and the power and the trust that everything would work out. Because I know I was in the.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Back of your mind.

Yeah. What I knew I should be doing and wanted to be doing. And so at one point, it just took, it was like a little leap of faith. I decided at one point, you know what? I am always going to pay my tithing. I will always do it from now on. I always have since that time. And then that's how I know the difference between what I feel inside. And when I went through my hardest time through the divorce, I was paying my tithing the whole way off of my, you know, my plasma money. And when I was cleaning houses and I had less than I had then, but somehow God really blessed us and magnified my efforts and just returned things unto me like so many more times than I was, than I was giving. And he just, he led me along and it was like that, you know, in the Bible, manna, just day by day, he, he fed us just enough, metaphorically, just enough daily. So, so that was a big learning experience. And it's what I, I, I really try to teach my kids. And I know they probably gonna have to learn it by like anybody through their own experience, you know, but that's my testimony about it is like, pay God first.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And I love that you're connecting tithing with the feeling of peace because he was giving you what was necessary for you to make good choices. Right. Because you know that from the fear we make, we don't make good choices. Our nervous system has to be, you know, in control. We have to be regulated to be able to make choices from our prefrontal text. Right?

Yes.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Good things, professional decisions. So I love that you're connecting because a lot of times we hear those stories, we read those stories where the people just saw an envelope full of money or something at the doorstep.

Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: But I love that he gave you the peace and make you, help you to start making decisions to move forward. I love that. So you talked about your kids are watching. They're gonna have to learn on their own. But like, how do you teach your kids about money? Because they've been watching you this whole time, Right.

And they've been with you.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Do they stay with you? Do you have full custody or.

They're, they've been with me mostly half, about half time. Okay. More recently, but for the majority of the courses, yeah, it's been half time. So they have, they've seen and I'm sure they're actually, they've probably absorbed more than I even realized and maybe, maybe they even realize, but I know they've seen this whole journey. They have, have seen, you know, for the last 10 years, basically the struggle and you know, prior, like I said, that period of time, three years when we, he was unemployed and I had been a full time mom, they saw all of that. They felt, you know, the tightening of the belt, so to speak. I couldn't, we couldn't do all the things that we used to do. Like, you know, I couldn't buy them the things. And they just, they, they knew it and they didn't even ask Mask, you know. And so Kiri, you know, the oldest, started to get little jobs from some generous neighbors, knowing that she in high school would probably want to have some money to go out with friends to buy clothes. So they'd give her, they give her jobs and then, you know, they started, you know, paying for things themselves. Not like the necessities of life.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: No, no, no. But like their own things.

Anything else. Yeah. And I felt like that was actually such a good thing. And the gratitude too that my, my kids, kids developed through this time where entitlement is so rampant, I think in our society. Not just with kids either, but it, it really, I think humbled us in a way that was good where we were grateful for everything and any little thing. And when we started to have a little more money, it was sort of like we really appreciated being able to do certain things that were really still small. But to us they were big. Right. So I think examples was probably really huge. And they saw me, you know, get, go way out on a limb and jump into a new industry that I had zero experience in and just love it and thrive, you know, and have this house for us, buy a new car, like I said. And they've seen this. They also see how hard I work too.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right.

And so, you know, my, my kids, the older ones especially are pretty hard workers. They've been working all summer, for instance, students this year. And so what I teach them, but I don't force them because they're too old to.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: They don't take anything.

Yeah, right. Pay God first. This is, these are the principles, right. I think it's kind of what Dave Ramsey teaches too. But pay God first, pay yourself second. So I was like, that means put it in your savings and then pay someone else third. That's just what I call it. That means like, then you can go spend. And I'm like, yeah, spend, spend it. But like say this portion goes here, this portion goes here. And then I know that this portion I can have fun with. You know, enjoy the fruits of your labors. A lot of times, pretty simple.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: We'll think that the budget is a problem.

Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Because they're like, oh, it's too constraining or whatever. But it's how you divide up your money. You're deciding that it's just helping you to plan ahead.

That's right. And make you feel. Because that's the thing is when I used to spend money, I. My goal was to spend no money back when I had the scarcity mindset. So whenever I spent money, I felt. Felt horrible. I didn't enjoy it. I felt guilty. A lot of times I'd return the stuff or as much as I could, and I'm like, that's not the way to live. You know, and when you have a budget and, and you know what you're. Where you're choosing to spend things and how much, then you can feel. Just enjoy it. Like, oh, this is set aside for this. I'm gonna spend.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I can do whatever I want.

No guilt about it. Yes.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah, that's a completely different feeling.

Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And so your kids are learning about money, they're working, they're watching you, and they go to their dad's house and was there. There's a difference there. Or you guys co parents too. Okay. Or do you talk about things that are different?

That's a whole. Another story.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Or another.

Probably a different podcast, but it's very different. Yes. In every, probably every possible way. I, I honestly don't know all the, like, I don't know exactly how they spend all their time there. I just know they're not, they don't, they don't have opportunities to work or they're not finding them or they're not supported.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right.

Whatever it is.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah.

And I don't know, I don't know what he teaches them or doesn't teach them, but I just, I just know, like from, from our, from our marriage. Most of them, like 98 of probably shouldn't throw out numbers. I would just say that from, from my, from our marriage. I did most of the teaching of our children.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right.

And was with them most of the time. So I probably had a greater influence on them. And that's probably continued today.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Good. Well, because sometimes they go somewhere else and they hear or learn different things and then they might bring back and. But they know that they can talk to you. And it looks like you guys went through all this difficult part together, right?

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: You talked about it. It doesn't sound to me that you're like, you hold it in. Because a lot of times we hear people just like, they don't talk about their problems or whatever with kids, what's happening. So then kids have an impression of what it is, and then when the. Everything falls down, they're like, well, it just got, you know, side sidetracked for you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I try to. There's so much probably that I haven't been able to openly share with them at their age that they are. Oh, yeah, right. But, yeah, but you know what? I can. I do feel like we have a good. A really good relationship, and I do hope that they feel like they can come talk to me about whatever they might be wondering about. About, so.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And just like you said, they were observing you, so more is caught than taught. Right. You didn't sit down and talk to them, but they caught. They saw you doing it. So there's no, there's no opinion against the experience. Right. So they can see that you're working hard, that you look for a job, that you're studying, that those things are important and they're making a difference for them too. So when you give them, let's say you give them advice about maybe a purchase they're gonna do or if they're gonna. The ones. Right. Or don't spend your money like that or think about it, how do they react and if they go against you, how do you deal with that?

I honestly haven't done that a whole lot. Kiri, my oldest, she's 17. And is she graduating this year? Yes.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Awesome.

Yeah. So she has, you know, her first quote, unquote, real job this summer over at the mall at a clothing store. And she. She loves it. And she's, you know, she. Like I said, she does some jobs around the neighborhood and she's painting a mural at the school she used to attend.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Oh, how cool.

So with her, I honestly just allow her to make her decisions, and she makes pretty good decisions. I'll. I'll kind of guide her in general, but about specific things. I don't think in the last couple of years I've told her she can't or that maybe she shouldn't or that she should think about it. Right. She's. She's actually, in the last year, been coming to me in general, like, more and more often in looking for my opinion and my advice, which was really shocking to me, actually.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I know.

And I was like, flattered, like, oh, you. You want my opinion on this? Well, okay. And then she even tells me, she's like, I really like hearing what your advice is. I'm like, wow, okay, maybe that'll happen with all my kids someday. And then my, my 15 year old, my boy is the second. He actually is more like me in my older, in my, my just how I naturally was growing up, which was I say I wanted to save everything. Like I said I wanted to hold on to everything. I don't, don't, did not like to spend money. And that's what I see in him. He will. But he, I see, I see he might have the same types of fears that I had because he starts to almost get when he spends money, he's like, oh, I need to make more money. Like I just spent some money. I spent so much money. I'm like, how much did you spend? Fifteen. I'm like okay. I'm like, I think he's gonna be okay if he spends $15. Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: The experience that he had with everything going on, how, how do you differentiate to teach your older kids and your younger kids? Like how does that conversation.

Yeah, so actually my youngest, it is very different. He's 10 and so I take a lot more active role with him and do more teaching and directing than I do with my, my older ones.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah, they won't list the older ones though.

Yeah. And I, and you know, honestly I feel like, like, especially like the 17 year old, I'm like, she's one year away from like, you know, adulthood and she's gonna be making her own decisions and I'm at the stage of like really letting that happen as much as possible. And she, like I said, she makes what, from what I can tell, like really pretty good decisions. So I'm just gonna, you know, let her learn from those. And so does my second and, and then so my 10 year old though. Do you have three or four? I have four. So my 13 year old is in there and she's kind of sort of in a limbo of like she's not really earning money. She doesn't really hasn't really wanted to spend money. She's kind of like, yeah, she's fine where she's at right now.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah.

And so the 10 year old though, he's, he got motivated to make some money this summer and he put up flyers around the neighborhood and neighbors have hired him to take care of their cats when they're out of town or do some weeding or, or whatever. And so he's really excited about this money for the first time really coming in. And so that's when I have sat down and taught him what I explain where. Okay Kenji, we're gonna pay God first. And so calculate the tithing to 10%. And he. I taught him how to. To, you know, get that into the bishop. And then, you know, talked about, okay, so pay yourself your savings. And he's like, why do I have to save it? Well, one day you're gonna be so thankful that your mom had to do this. So then he. He puts, you know, and then I take it to the bank for him, and then here's, you know, here's his amount that he's gonna spend, and he just fully enjoys is spending it. And so I. I definitely sit down with him and have walked him through it and, like, been a. Been a lot more directing on that.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And yeah, it's fun because when you're teaching like that, like you're doing, and because you're in a better position, then you can do different things. Right. To motivate him to save. So what I did with Iris, Iris was like, I don't know, five? And she wanted this American Girl doll. And, you know, those are expensive. So I'm like, okay, okay, you can do certain things, and I'll match how much you give me to save. I'll put the same amount for you. And we did the same thing with Annika with her car. So we had a car. We just sold that car to her, and it was $1,000, I think. And so she had to save that 500, and then whatever she would give us, we will match. Right. Because then she would get there faster. But she was learning that saving was a good thing. She was getting return on investment. Right. So. So yeah, it's. It's fun to. When they want to learn. Right. And you're talking about, you know, give, save, and spin. And even my girls, they don't go to church anymore. But we talked about, you know, give. So be generous. Maybe you can give to, like, a cause that you really like, or they love animals. So maybe the. The Humane Society. So you can just go to Amazon and buy whatever they need. They have a list there. So not necessarily you have to go over there and give them the money. But she's under. They're understanding that it's donation.

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And then save and spend it. So it's. It's important because when we're generous, we're more attractive people. People like us better. So we're more fun around.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a win, win.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: And right now, you said that you're doing your mentoring for your health coaching, learning different things for your certification. How do you continue to grow your understanding? It's. You're Talking about, you know, the weight and all that. We don't just get to one place financially and say, okay, I don't have to do anything else anymore. It's something that you have to continue doing. Right.

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: So are you learning more about finance? Do you listen to a podcast? Do you read or is there someone that you like?

Yeah, for finances specifically. So in some of my mentorships, there have been segments that are specifically about. Yeah. That have to do with finances. I wouldn't say it's like completely finances. It has to do with like the growth of the business and things like that.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right. Exactly. How you're gonna grow, separate the accounts. Right. That's really important too.

Yeah. But I mean, thanks to you, you know, I'm thinking about it again a little bit more and thinking, oh, you know, I'll listen to your podcast.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Thank you.

And dig out my. You know, I actually had the Dave Ramsey, what's it called?

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Financial peace.

Yeah, the CDs. And that's actually kind of a long time ago. I had listened to those and I have like the children's books of his too, for my kids from years ago.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Smart money, Smart kids.

The little kids. Yeah, the little kids books, which are great. I think they, they're just great for kids. Yeah. So I'm, I feel like I'm gonna. And kind of review, like I said, my cousin's company. Yeah. I, I have, I'll have things that I can watch on there and review. And so I'm like, you know, I could, I could, I could definitely like brush up on a lot of things and keep learning and keep growing in this area for sure.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah. Because things change. Right?

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: We're always, we cannot just, hey, give up. That's it, we're done. We're. I got here and I'm done. No, we do.

I like that. True.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: So let's. To close it off. Let's. Well, we have two parts. We have one. I'm going to ask some rapid fire questions, but the first thing that I would like you to do is let's think about a woman that's in the same situation, a mother that's in the same situation. The lowest point that you were during your divorce and the kids and not having had that career, that you had it because you're a full time mom and now things change. Donating plasma just to make ends meet. What would you tell that mom? What kind of advice would you give it to her?

Yeah. And actually I have had a friend recently.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Oh, good. So just pass it on.

The wisdom, yes. And, you know, honestly, like, first and foremost, which we've already touched on quite a bit, is faith, you know, and trusting in God that He's going to provide and that he will turn all things for our good, you know, and like you said beautifully, it's, you know, making, you know, making beauty from ashes. And a lot of times it does feel like our lives go up, you know, burn up, go up in smoke. We were just left with a pile of ashes. But that. That's, you know, like the whole imagery of the phoenix rising from the ashes, you know, and so what I told her is, as far as practical kinds of things is like, honestly, like, getting a good job. If you're in this situation, you have to, like, in my opinion, you just. You have to. You have to get a good job and, and take the risks and just don't give up, you know, because it. I applied all around, I. There's a lot of times I felt like giving up, you know, made it through rounds of. Of interviews only to say, oh, there's. There's people that actually have experience in this. We're gonna go with them. And it's like that desperate feeling of like, well, how do I get experience if no one will hire me?

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right, Exactly. Huh? Yeah.

To just not give up and. And know that God will lead you to exactly where you're supposed to be and that he already knows where he wants you to be and he's moving you there, like, the whole time and that nothing takes him by surprise. He already saw the end from the beginning. And so just trusting in that, trusting in, you know, that you have the capability, even if you don't think you do, to do whatever is required of you. And in the most desperate circumstances is when you really find creativity and resilience and, you know, a lot of characteristics that you just can't find when you're in, you know, a life of ease and comfort.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right.

It doesn't push you to that point. So, you know, and then getting a mentor or a coach or someone, someone for your finances, honestly, just making a little investment can go a long way. Right. And. And getting that person to, like, I needed to be walked through some things and to actually get past the fear of looking at the finances, like, with, you know, going through or, like, if.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I wanted to look at the finances. Right.

Yeah. But to know that, like, that's the greater fear is, like, this unknown.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: The unknown. Yeah, you make worse, right.

Like, at any point I might have zero, you know, no money in my bank account. I don't even know and I don't want to know. You know, it's like, oh, open your eyes to it. Look at it. You can deal with it. You know, you can, you can do.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Awareness is part of the problem, right? It's half of the solution. Part of the solution, exactly.

Yep.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Awesome. Thank you so much, Fred. This has been so great and getting to know you, more of you and your, your mission and your life and, and you know, who would guess right, that right now we would be smiling?

I know all the difficulties. Right.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: All right, so I have some rapid fire questions. You're not, not much of a spender, so I don't know if you have some answers for me.

Okay.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: What was the worst financial decision you ever made? If you don't want to share, you can find another one.

I know there's probably has been, but, you know, it's probably something dumb like, like the only thing that's coming to mind right now is I signed up to go watch like one of those, I don't know things, you know, sign up and you get a free trip out of it if you come to our presentation. And I did all that and it was awful. And then I didn't use the trip. So.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Horrible.

I don't know.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: No, but that's, that's valid because people do that, right? And they count on you not taking the trip.

I know.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: That's even worse.

My time is money, so that was a waste of money. You know, I could have been doing something better.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: So let's move to something less extreme. What was the most useless thing that you ever bought? Something that you bought that you're like, I can't believe I bought this. Use it or.

Yeah, you can tell. I, I help. Pretty tight.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Okay, so let's try the other way around.

Okay.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Okay. What was something that you bought that you turned out to be better than you expected? Okay, maybe you bought something at the dollar store and it lasted for a long time.

Yeah, well, or maybe a coaching program.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right?

I know, yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yeah.

Well, I'll, I'll say my car because I'm not a. I, I feel like I'm not a materialistic person, but I really love my car. Like really love my car. And I think it's the symbol of what it represents to me, right? You know, my financial independence, my ability to earn and that it also gave me freedom because before that I had a series of three really ruddy cars that were on their last leg that I got for dirt, as dirt cheap as I could. But all Three of them burned out on the side of the highway, you know, and I was like stranded somewhere, you know. And so when I finally had the means, I was still scared to make a big purchase. At first, scared is probably the wrong word. I was just like, wow, can I do this? I don't know. But now it's just, I still, every day it's been over a year, I just am so grateful, so great. It just feels so good every time I drive and I can take my kids on trips where I could before because it was like tiny or not trustworthy. We were stuck. So it's freedom, you know, it's really freedom.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Yes.

It's a way better part of that represents.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Right. And that feeling is just amazing. You sit in the car and you're just reminded of that. It's.

Yeah.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: All right, so far. Tell us a little bit if you have any promotions or where can people find more about you and your coaching?

Yeah, I'm on Facebook and I'm on Instagram.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: What is the handle do you have?

So right now, and I, I'm probably going through a rebranding but for the mom Facebook, it's the functional foodie is what I'm called. And my, my name is Farah Fernandez. So I have personal page on a business page and honestly I do a lot of my stuff on Facebook, but Farah Fernandez.com is just my, my little website that I have too that people could find me through. And honestly I just have, you know, private coaching going on for like I say, people that want to kind of like undiet their life and just really be liberated from.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: That is a great, a great title right there.

I did not make it. That's great. And I do have a group coaching program as well that I do a couple of times a year. It's called making peace with your plate. And that, that's like a really hands on, like interactive group with daily small doable assignments that really help people start on that journey of making peace with their food and making peace with their body and kind of relearning those how to trust those your body's cues. So those are the things that I have.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Do you have one of those coming up for the fall semester?

Yeah, in the fall and it'll be in October. So promotions will.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: This will probably come out in August. So you know, people look it up. October coming up.

Yeah, that'd be great. I would love so.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: All right, thank you so much far. That's this a pleasure.

Yeah, for sure.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: I'll see you tomorrow. At the gym.

Oh, I know. Is that when you go? Yeah. Yeah. I will look for you. Bye.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: Bye.

That was my conversation. Fair Fernandez. I am so grateful that she took the time to share a little bit about her life and her struggles and how she has been learning so much about herself, getting more confident and overcame.

[CFM COACH ASSISTANT AI ]: A lot of her issues with money.

So all of us can do that. And I invite invite you to feel inspired by her story and believe that you can do it too. I'll see you guys next time for another episode of the Money's not your problem podcast. Thank you for listening to today's episode. I want to take a moment to extend a special invitation to all of our listeners. If you're ready to finally become good with money both in your pocket and in your mind, then I want to introduce you to transformative opportunity, the Chi Financial Mom Academy. Our program is designed specifically for working moms of faith who are tired of feeling overwhelmed by their finances, constantly juggling priorities and feeling like they're always broke. You will learn how to manage your money effectively, build wealth and achieve your long term goals through practical lessons, personalized guidance and a supportive community. If you're ready to say goodbye to financial financial stress and hello to financial freedom, I encourage you to join us at StrasbourgCoaching.com forward/join CFM. Again, it's StrasbourgCoaching.com forward the/J-O-I-C FM take the first step towards a brighter future for yourself and for your family today. Thank you again for listening and remember the future you who is good with money is in your hands. We'll see you in the Cheap Financial Mom Academy. Ate Brevi Obrigana.