She Didn't Just Wake Up And Have An Affair - Here's What Actually Happened

There's really no more devastating or painful experience that a man can experience in his life than discovering that his wife is talking to another man. She's seeing another man, or she's even gone as far as having a full-blown affair. The feelings that come with that are betrayal, humiliation, grief, rage, anger, lost, you name it. And of course, it creates that violent split inside of your head that needs resolution, which is I love this woman, she's my wife and I want her back, and the idea that, can you forgive this? So the idea that I hate what she's done, I don't know if I can even forgive this and move forward. So then of course instinct takes over at that point. You want to confront her, you want to demand answers from her, you check her phone, start to surveil her social media presence, and In the moment, every one of those reactions feels like a strong and justified step to take, but here's the problem with that behavior. Those behaviors always, without exception, push her closer toward the other man, and it actually accelerates the collapse of the marriage. So if your goal in this situation is to save the marriage and you truly want to win your wife back, then the response that you come up with must in fact be the direct opposite to what your instinct is telling you that it's the right thing to do. And I can tell you for a fact, after working with literally thousands of men in this situation and having been in this situation myself on more than one occasions in previous relationships to, to my marriage now, I have personal experience of this as well. I can tell you that there is a very clear psychological shift that needs to happen within the man that really changes the power dynamic within the relationship and restores the marriage without begging, without you pleading, without controlling her, and without turning into what most people would commonly call a simp or a man that just lays down and just does whatever his wife wants him to do in the name of saving the marriage. So what you do next in this situation is going to actually determine whether this affair or event becomes a marriage-ending event for your marriage or it's the turning point that actually saves the marriage and takes it to the next level of excitement and engagement. Because this doesn't need to be a marriage-ending event, it can be a turning point that your marriage really truly needed. So let's get into this. What do you do if your wife is talking to another man? So the first thing you have to understand that, we'll just call this an affair for the sake of this conversation, this is a psychological progression. An affair goes through 5 stages, and if she's talking to another man now, if we're at the point where another man is involved, that breakdown actually happened 3 to 4 stages ago, and you're just now seeing, starting to see those fracture lines within the relationship. To understand this, you must understand why she moved away from you and moved towards another man in the first place, and put what you believe is true on hold for a moment because it's not what you think it is at all. So the big idea to really hold throughout this presentation is that an affair does not begin with sex. That's the end state. An affair is actually, for a woman, predominantly, if not exclusively, emotional, that then transitions into sexual at a very, very late stage. Very late stage. So affairs begin with unmet needs, both for men and for women. So we all need to, as human beings, we all need, we must get our needs met. So men, we typically bond through intimacy or sex. Women bond through emotional safety. So the primary understanding here is that A man's primary need is sex, a woman's primary need is emotional safety. Now, if a woman withholds sex from a man for a significant period of time, he's not just going to go, "That sucks and I'm never seeing tits ever again." He's going to start looking at porn, he's going to start to engage in very negative behavior within the relationship because that need for intimacy is going to be met one way or another. And the same is true for a woman here. If her need for emotional connection or more specifically emotional safety, is not met, she will find a way to meet that need. So if you remove either one of those conditions for long enough, either intimacy for a man or emotional safety and connection for a woman, this is where vulnerability is introduced into the relationship. This is the entry point. So what this video is going to show you today is the 5 stages that she moves through going from she's happily married to you to now she's with another man, what she's experiencing and feeling in each stage, what she's asking you for in each one of those stages that, that you're not hearing, how you typically respond when she makes those requests, what that response that you give does for her, and how it increases access points to where an affair can happen with another man. So again, understand that affairs are progressions It's not an event. She didn't wake up and go, "I'm going to have an affair," or she didn't see some guy and go, "I wouldn't mind getting me a piece of that. He looks pretty good to me." Not what happens. This is a progression typically over years, if not decades. So whoever's not muted, guys, if you can mute yourself, that would be fantastic. So Stage 1 here is she has high hope, high tolerance for you and for the relationship. So in Stage 1, She, her hope for her needs being met are very high. She believes that you can meet her needs. When you're not meeting her needs, she has hope that you eventually will. She can teach you how to meet those needs and you'll finally step up. She tolerates your mood swings and stresses because she has high hopes, and the higher the hope, the higher the tolerance. The lower the hope, the lower the tolerance. And she also assumes that any emotional disconnection within the marriage at this point is temporary and it's going to get fixed. It's going to be corrected. So her felt needs at this point, what, what she's needing to feel is emotional safety. She basically wants to feel important. She wants to be prioritized. She wants you to be number one for her. She doesn't want to be second to work or the football game or anything like that. She wants to feel chosen. She wants to feel heard. Basically, the things that we all want as human beings. So what she'll say in this stage is, "Can we talk?" "I feel distant." "I miss you." "You're always busy all the time." And what this is, is connection attempts for her. So the typical man shows up in Stage 1 as the task-orientated provider. This is his archetype. This is the role that he has. Now he hears in her request to be number 1, he hears a lack of appreciation. He, so he responds to her request with explanations, defensiveness, fixing the logistics around the situation, minimizing, and basically ignoring her. So when she says, can we talk? He hears, here we go again. She's got a problem she wants to talk about. When she says, "I feel distant from you," he takes that as a criticism. When she says, "I miss you," he takes that as he's not meeting her needs and that she's not happy with the relationship and you're always busy. He takes that in a way that she doesn't understand that I'm providing for her. He's Mr. Provider right now, and he goes, "Well, somebody's got to pay the bills, somebody's got to pay the mortgage." and what do you want? You want me just to quit my job and spend all my time with you? This is how he takes it. So what this does to her is she doesn't feel relieved. She feels unheard. She feels— she increases her attempts to make that connection with him and her tolerance of her behavior at this point begins to drop within the relationship. So if emotional safety is not restored at this stage, if the man does not recognize that she's telling him that she doesn't feel important, she doesn't feel prioritized in the marriage, her nervous system is going to escalate the crisis to Stage 2 at this point. We're going to go to DEFCON 2. So how do you know if you've graduated Stage 1? Well, when she brought these concerns to you, did you explain your situation and explain yourself instead of listening to her? Did you minimize her tone? Did you assume that she was just overreacting or nagging? Did you just put it down to hormones, or she's a woman, or all women do this, or did you continue to focus on tasks over connection with her? So Stage 2 for her now is, this is protest and escalation. Now her internal state at this point is one of her frustration is rising, her nervous system has now become activated and is on the scene. It is aware of what's going on and is starting to form patterns, pattern recognition strategies, and her emotional fatigue is increasing. She's getting tired. She's making continuous effort to help you see what's going on and it's just not being recognized. She's getting tired at this point. So what she needs at this point, her felt needs, she needs behavioral stability from you. She needs you to regulate when you're under pressure and she needs to start seeing some consistent change in how you show up to the relationship. Now, the key here is she wants to see change, not hear change. She doesn't want to hear you tell her that things are going to be different. She needs to see it and start feeling at this point. So she'll say things like, you never change, you don't listen to me, you don't care anymore, I can't keep doing this. And of course, the typical man here in Stage 2, the archetype here becomes the defensive reactor. He starts arguing facts with her. He starts justifying his position to her criticisms. He starts bringing counter-criticism. "Do you think you're perfect? Do you think you don't bring problems to this relationship?" He escalates his tone with her. He gets sharper, he gets shorter, he has less tolerance for her in the same way that she has less tolerance for him. She's probably starting to remove intimacy at this point. At least dramatically decrease it. So of course he starts withdrawing from the relationship as well. His incentive to behave well in the relationship and work on it is now starting to be withdrawn as well. So some of the things that you're going to hear in this stage is, "You never change," "You just don't listen to me," "You don't care anymore," "You keep doing this all the time," and his response to this is he feels disrespected. Her response is she feels that he's actually unstable. So this is where she'll say stuff like, "You never change," and he'll say, "Well, what are you talking about? What about last Saturday when I did this?" He will use logic instead of understanding that she's communicating emotion. She'll say, "You don't listen to me," and he goes, "Well, I'm here right now. What do you want to say? I'm here, I'm listening right now." Very dismissive, very short, misunderstanding what she's actually asking for, which is She's not saying, will you listen to me right now? She's asking for more voice within the relationship, period. When she says, you don't care, he'll say, what are you talking about? I'd give my life for this family. Do you know what I go through on a daily basis? And when she says, I can't keep doing this, you'll say, so what, you're asking for a divorce? When actually she's saying, please listen to me. I'm trying to tell you that something's wrong here and I need, I need you to listen. And take action, he will hear "I can't keep doing this" as a threat to the marriage, a threat to the relationship. And as I've just mentioned, he's going to feel very disrespected in this stage and she's coming to him trying to stabilize the marriage, trying to stabilize him, and all he's doing is escalating. She's going to feel that he's just unstable, a loose cannon at this point. So what this actually does is it confirms that the man is emotionally unsafe. To her. It lowers her levels of respect for him. It lowers her attraction to him. And of course now hope is going lower in the relationship, as hope that he will someday change reduces. Tolerance of his behavior also reduces. And of course this is all leading to a decrease of sexual intimacy within the relationship. She's taken that from the relationship at this point, which is again de— de-incentivizing him to do anything at all positive. So she starts to think at this point he's unreachable. Basically, I can't reach this man. I don't know what I've got to do to get through to him. So if this pattern continues to repeat, for her, hope collapses within the relationship. It becomes a hopeless situation. So the Stage 2 diagnostic is, have you escalated tone? Do you defend your position more than listen when she brings what you perceive as an attack or criticism or threat to the relationship when actually it's just simply an attempt to heal the relationship? Do you interrupt her often or do you shut down because you feel attacked, criticized, disrespected, and start withdrawing from the relationship? If you've done all of that or any of that, then you have accelerated her detachment from you. You've accelerated her detachment, you've accelerated her lack or loss of attraction attraction, and now her nervous system escalates the situation to DEFCON 3. She is now on high alert, and in this stage, she is now going to start to withdraw and detach from the relationship. So what's going on here is hope has almost entirely left the marriage for her. She sees very little hope of you ever changing. She's starting to realize that this is her reality. She either has to accept this and live with it or make a change. Emotional energy is now conserved. She doesn't have limitless amounts of reserves of fuel in the tank, so she's already emotionally exhausted. She starts to reserve and conserve what little energy and emotions she's got left just because she's exhausted. She has no choice, and at this point, she's really no longer fighting for a connection with you. She's accepted that she can't have it. You're not going to give it. So what happens here is calm replaces conflict. She stops fighting you. She realizes that communication is pointless, trying to change you is pointless, all of her strategies have failed. She gets angry, it doesn't work. She gets calm, it doesn't work. She tells you to change, it doesn't work. She does nothing, it doesn't work. So she basically just gives up at this point and goes, whatever. Now, a lot of men think that this is the relationship improving because she stopped fighting, she stopped pushing, and in some ways she's become much more compliant with the man. This is not improvement in the relationship. So she'll say, you know, if you're at DEFCON 3, because she'll say stuff like, it's fine, whatever, I'm tired, what do you want from me, or what do you want. And in, you'll ask her, how are you doing? I'm fine. What do you, what do you want from me? Whatever, whatever you want. What's wrong? I'm tired. And stuff like, "Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?" Just whatever, do whatever you want. These are the type of things that you'll have, whereas in a healthy relationship or an unhealthy relationship, a man will say, "How was your day?" The woman will say, "It was fine." In a healthy relationship, a man will say, "How was your day?" She goes, "Let me tell you about it. Started at 7:30 this morning when my alarm clock went off. The first thing I thought was blah blah blah." The actual thing she wants to talk about was 7 o'clock in the evening, but she's going to want to tell you her whole day because that's a connection for her. If she says it's fine, it's not fine, trust me. So what happens in this situation is conflict drops, so does remaining connection. She may even— intimacy may even increase in this situation, right? She may go, you want sex? Fine, whatever, here, have it. It's like she's just at that point just laying down and just disconnecting and giving you what you want to keep you quiet. Do not mistake this as connection. It isn't. This is her just trying to create some level of stability within you. So the typical man here in Stage 3 becomes the relief seeker. This is the archetype. So because she stopped trying, because she stopped arguing and he sensed the change, she feels, he feels that tension has increased within the relationship. She stopped trying. He stops trying because he feels like things are somewhat getting better. The tension is decreased, so he doesn't need to work on it more. Potentially the intimacy maybe has returned a little bit at this point, so he thinks everything is fine. So he goes back to his world, which is he focuses on work, he focuses on his life, the ball game, etc., and he just distracts himself from the marriage. But she is not distracted at this point. Make no mistakes. So what does this do to her? Makes her feel invisible, makes her feel worthless, makes her feel unappreciated, makes her feel utterly invisible within the relationship. Emotional, emotional safety is almost entirely gone at this point. Connection with her husband is almost entirely gone at this point, and now we're moving into a new emotion within the relationship, loneliness. Loneliness starts to solidify. This is the vulnerability window. When she starts to feel lonely, a vulnerability has now entered into your marriage. So the Stage 3 diagnostic here is, has the arguing stopped? Has she stopped asking you for change? Has she gone emotionally flat? Does it seem like the relationship has returned to a certain level of normality in your eyes and you're fairly happy with where things are? If that's the case, wake up, brother, you're in trouble. You're about to get hit with a bombshell. Bombshell. So if the answer is yes to those questions, you are now in a high-risk situation. You need to wake up and pay attention because she is now at DEFCON 4, and this is where external validation appears, i.e., the man. Now, this is not necessarily nefarious. This can be somebody at work, at church. This can be a colleague at work. This can be a friend's friend. This is not, she's not looking to have an affair or start something at this point. A man just shows up who was always there, but there was no vulnerability for him to enter before. So in this stage, she's completely detached from you and the marriage. She's emotionally unsatisfied, unfulfilled, and she is desperately seeking validation from somewhere. She needs somebody to pay attention to her. Or to put it in another way, she's lonely at this point. She's lonely within the marriage. She's not angry, she's empty. So let's talk about the incentive structure here because it is asymmetrical motivation for the other man at this point and why he becomes very attractive for her. So asymmetrical means that he has significantly more motivation to do the right thing than you. Because right now, inside the marriage, if intimacy has declined for you or stopped, if she has withdrawn sexual access to her body or she's decreased that sexual access, if the emotional tension is high and constantly present, then your incentive to meet her need is gone. Like, what's the point? Like, if you do this, you're wrong. If you do that, you're wrong, right? If you do, you're screwed. If you don't, you're screwed. If you try to make her happy, you don't get sex. If you try to make her happy you don't get sex. It doesn't— there's no incentive for you to work on the relationship at this point. And really, that incentive is going to be sex for, for, for men. When that leaves the relationship, your incentive to fix the relationship leaves. Now, the exact opposite happens at the exact same moment for him. He is highly incentivized to meet her needs because for him, there is now a possibility of intimacy with her. So there's increased attentiveness to her and there is increased pursuit. There's no incentive for you to do the right thing and there's every incentive for him to give her what she wants at this point. So here's a fact, write this down: motivation moves towards opportunity. There's an opportunity for him here and it is banging your wife, to be perfectly blunt with you. So this is why The outside man listens to her. He validates her. He is patient with her. He is calm with her and he is attentive with her. All of the things that she's asked you to be all of this time and you have not done, he now does. Not because he's a better man than you, but because he is asymmetrically incentivized to meet her needs and he instinctively knows that he needs to do this. So he is now being the man that you were in the dating stage. When you were dating her, you listened, you validated, you were patient, you were calm, you were attentive, you met all of her needs. Why? Because that asymmetrical motivation worked in your favor at that point. The more you met her needs, the closer you moved to physical intimacy. The tables have shifted completely here. So what is happening here is the progression towards intimacy with your wife is highly motivating him to emotionally provide what it is that she needs. Now, she's not looking at him as a sexual partner at this point. She's simply getting her emotional needs met and it's, it's innocent at this point. So what does the typical man do at Stage 4? Well, the archetype here, he turns into the controller. So he senses now that there is a problem. Something is very wrong with this marriage and he becomes concerned. So he starts to check her phone, he monitors her social media, he questions her friends, he becomes controlling, he makes direct accusations towards her, he demands explanations, he becomes jealous, he becomes controlling, all of these things. And he can also become sexually aggressive. At this point we're dealing with territorial males. We're dealing with human nature at this point. This man can really, can start to realize that his territory, his, what he perceives as his possession, his territory is being infringed by another man and he can seek to reassert that aggressively with the man or sexually with his wife. None of this is a good thing. None of this is what she's looking for from you. In fact, it's just confirming that you're emotionally unstable. It's increasing, it causes her to increase the secrecy within the marriage. It causes her to hide her social media, causes her to hide her phone, start deleting messages, which causes you to become even more suspicious here and reinforces your neuroticisms around this and your negative behavior. It reinforces the attachment shift that is happening right now. She is actively shifting attachment from you to him. She's— he is now becoming the man that meets her needs. She's becoming the go-to and your behavior is enforcing that. And of course, what is happening here when you do this is you're accelerating the emotional transfer from you to him. There is a transfer taking place. So control does not create safety for your wife, which is the one thing that she's needing. And in fact, the control is decrease in safety, giving him the opportunity to become even more valuable. She's gonna, he's gonna start telling her how unreasonable your behavior is and how ridiculous it is, and he's going to start to validate all of her concerns that you are not the man she needs. This is what's going to happen. So control does not intensify her safety. It intensifies the distance that is happening within the relationship. So hopefully you can see your natural instinct to behave a certain way is really very detrimental at this point. So the best diagnostic here for Stage 4 is, are you checking her phone? Are you monitoring her activities? Are you pressuring her for reassurance that this is going to be alright, that she's going to stop this contact, that she's going to move, she's going to reassign the attachment from him back to you? Or are you increasing the suspicion? If the answer is yes, you're doing all of those things, then you're right. It's very likely that you're actually accelerating the attachment transfer from you to him at this point. You're making this situation harder and harder to win for you, and you're giving him everything that he needs to end up having his way with your wife. So now we're at, now we're at the terminal stage here, Stage 5, emotional transfer. So at this stage, she is rational. She starts to rationalize her behavior. So she will say to her friends, her family, people around, even herself, "He just listens to me. There's nothing wrong with this. I'm just talking. What's wrong with talking? We're just friends. He just understands me. He just has time for me. This is just— we're just— I'm just talking about my day. There's nothing wrong with it." She rationalizes what is going on while at the same time that emotional transfer and attraction transfer is taking place. That attachment, the attachment from you to him has now shifted or is well on its way to fully shifting. Now, sex is late stage. Sex does not come into the relationship early. That emotional shift has to completely transfer before sex comes in. This is why the entire, the entire transfer of connection from you to him is emotional. For the first 95%+ of this process. Sex is late stage, only when she's fully transferred emotion, fully transferred affection, fully transferred everything from him to you. This is when sex actually starts to become a reality for her. Most men see sex and go, "Well, this is where it started." No, it didn't start here, it ended here. Connection came first, and the bottom line is he offered her something that she tried to get from you and you refused. That's the bottom line. So the typical man here in Stage 5, the archetype is he's panicked at this point. He becomes the panicked pursuer. He begs her, he love bombs, he makes sudden promises of change. I'll do what it— just tell me whatever you want, I'll do it. Tell me what you need, I'll become it, et cetera. He can threaten divorce. He can go the other way and go, well, if that's what you want, go for it. I don't want you anyway. I don't need you. I can do better. You're not worth fighting for. He can demand that she cuts the contact. He can demand that she moves away from him. So what this does to her when, when he makes these moves is if he becomes emotionally unstable at this point, which is most people's response, most men's response, she sees desperation. And I ask you the question, is desperation attractive? If the man escalates with threat, saying, "Do whatever, leave if you want, I don't care, have a do, I don't care," or he gets aggressive and threatens the other man, she's going to detach further from you. If the man resorts to begging, then this declines respect dramatically within the relationship. She sees the man now as weak, needy, incapable of meeting her needs. And the respect leaves the relationship completely, meaning it's going to be virtually impossible for you to restore this situation. So understand panic also does not create safety for her. The only thing that creates safety and restores any hope within this situation for you is stability. Stability is what brings back attraction, respect, and the, uh, the elements that are required for her to reattach and shift that attachment back from him to you. So again, this is where we always land on, right? Fix the man, fix the marriage. The problem is not the marriage, the problem is not her, and the problem certainly is not him. You don't have to be a better man than him. You don't have to win out over him. Hopefully you've seen, and the reason for going through the, the 5 stages is here, here, is that it should be painfully obvious to you at this point, is you need to become a stable man that understands what a woman needs and has a desire to provide it for her. If you do that, then you fix the marriage. So the full progression here, so make this succinct and understandable. Step 1, she asks you to hear her and recognize her and prioritize her. You minimize her requests to do that, so she escalates the situation. Stage 2, she's now escalated. You defend her escalations and you see it as an attack, as criticisms. So you don't meet the request, you simply escalate her requests. She begins to lose hope that you can meet her needs. At stage 3, after she's lost hope, she withdraws from the relationship. The tensions drop. Sex may temporarily come back a little bit at this point. You think everything's fine, so you relax. You've completely misread the situation. It causes her to detach even more from the marriage and from you. Stage 4, the vulnerability has been created. Another man comes on the scene. It can be someone at church, can be a coworker, etc., simply someone who listens to her. You realize that your marriage is under threat. You go into control. You activate control, fight or flight mode. You terrify her. She's looking for safety. You show up as an unpredictable, unstable 3-year-old with a hand grenade. She hides from you. When she hides, you panic, you behave in very negative ways. You either control, beg, love bomb, etc. And at that point, the transfer from you to him becomes complete and it becomes very difficult at that point. So the structural truth here that you must take away from this, this is noteworthy if you're making note. No, it's removing the other man from the situation does not solve the problem. The other man is not the problem. He is the symptom of the problem. Had she received the connection within the marriage, the other man would have had no access point. In the same way that if your wife wants you to stop watching porn, maybe she should think about giving you some sex. If your wife wants you to stop looking at other women or If you're having an affair with another woman, maybe she should think about giving you some sex and meeting your needs, right? I'm not saying that this is a one-way street and you have to meet her needs. I'm saying that generally the things that happen within the relationship that are very undesirable, either for the man or the woman, they're not the problem. They're the symptoms of, they're late-stage symptoms of the problem. So if emotional safety is not rebuilt, another man can and likely will appear. You can remove the man from the situation, you can demand that she cuts him off, etc. It's not going to do any good because unless that emotional safety is restored, the vulnerability still exists and another one will appear at some point. So the real question to ask yourself, if your wife's talking to another man and you want to change that, is how— and you want to stop him talking to him— the question is, at which stage Or where did you stop being emotionally safe for your wife? Where did the emotional safety die? Because when a woman feels regulated around you, when she feels heard, respected, seen, appreciated, important to you, she feels like you actually— she feels like she cares about you. Not— I'm not saying you don't care about her, but she has to feel this way. She has to experience it. And when she feels safe under pressure, that you're a safe pair of hands, there's no space for an outside man to move in. Whether it's predatory or whether it's innocent, it doesn't matter. In the same way that a man that's getting sex 4 or 5 times a week on a regular— he's getting sex on a very regular basis from his wife. The chances of that man having an affair, almost zero for the average, for the ordinary man. A man that's getting regular sex does not look elsewhere. It's only when his wife withholds those core needs, fails to meet, to meet them, that the vulnerabilities are introduced. So this is not about an outside man. Again, fix the man, fix the marriage. And it's not because, so no outside man can move back in. It's not because she doesn't have the opportunity to do that. It's because she would lack the motivation to be with another man or to connect with another man. So the final diagnosis here is identify your stage. Men. Stage 1, she's still asking for connection from you. She, she's trying to get you to connect. Now, let me just be very clear here, and I'll do this very quickly because I want to keep this short. Her expecting you to change is completely right, completely just, and completely acceptable in the same way that you would hope to train your wife in what you want, what you like, and what you need in the bedroom. That's completely acceptable and not demanding that she changes. and would be a reasonable request to your wife to say, hey, this is what I like in the bedroom. Is there any chance you can meet those needs for me? She's saying, this is what I need emotionally in the relationship. Can you meet those needs? These are reasonable requests. This is not you sacrificing yourself and your personality. This is doing, this is her doing exactly what you would expect and hope from her. Now, Stage 2 is she's still fighting for connection with you. She's losing hope, but she hasn't lost hope yet. Stage 3, is she's pretty much decided that you're a lost cause. Stage 4, the detachment sets in. Vulnerability shows up in the relationship where she's needing that connection from somewhere. She gets it from someone. Now she starts Stage 5, is she transfers that attachment from you to him, and now we're in real trouble. So your behavior determines the progression through this. You can go forwards or backwards. At any point, you can go from Stage 4 back to Stage 1. Stage 5 back to Stage 3. Your, your behavior determines what's going on here. So if you want to know how to move through those stages, there is a 7-step process that I teach on how to actually reverse this pattern and how to win your wife back if she's with another man, if she's telling you that she's not willing to work on this, it doesn't matter. And I go through those, all of those 7 steps in this video here. I'll put that for you. If you're on YouTube, I'm going to say goodbye to you right now. And if you're in the private Q&A group, the private clients group, we'll jump over and we'll take questions, clarifications, and coaching.