Your Wife Wants A Divorce…Here’s Where You’re Going Wrong

In this workshop, I'm going to share with you how weak language destroys the trust in your marriage, why it prevents your wife from believing what you say, and how to change the way you speak so you can immediately shift your position of leadership, not just in, in the home, but as a— in fatherhood, in business, how to become— how this makes you a more valuable employee, how it makes you a better employer. This is, this is going to be the, the absolute key here. If we can master this lesson, it's really going to open a lot of doors for you. So let me share my screen with you and we will get started without further ado. Okay. So give me a thumbs up if you've got my screen. Awesome. Look here. Okay, so let's, let's get cracking with this. So we're talking about power language today— why your words determine your authority, your outcomes, and your identity, right? So the premise here is a man's language is not just communication, it's his governance. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The first line in the Bible declares the authority of and the power of language. This is important stuff. So in marriage and fatherhood, it regulates the emotional and structural climate of the home, reveals your discipline, and exposes the level of internal authority that you actually operate from. So The only way that another human being can communicate with you or interact with you in any way is through your words and through your language. And if you squeeze an orange, what comes out of it? Orange juice, 100 times out of 100. If you squeeze a lemon, what comes out of it? Lemon juice, 100 times out of 100. So this is how we know what— that there's no mistress here. We know what's inside of you because it comes out in the form of words. So when we change our words This, this is where the transformation starts. So weak language equals weak leadership. Precise language equals predictable execution and emotional stability and safety for the family. Your words tell your wife, your children, and anybody around you whether you have order or whether you have drift and chaos running inside of you. Ordered words indicate order. Chaotic words indicate drift. So your vocabulary If your vocabulary delays, the standards in your home also, they follow accordingly. So every marital drift, every breakdown begins with speech long before it shows up in the form of separation, resentment, or disengagement. So again, across history, leadership has always been measured by the precision and integrity of a man's word. For example, Jesus told us in the Bible, let your yes be yes and your no mean no. That's, that's command-level authority. When your yes is yes and your no is no, and when your, your words are more valuable than any legal contract, you're a man of authority and integrity. At that point, it reflects exactly what internal authority requires— the yes is yes and no is no. Clean, binding language that creates safety, predictability, predictability, and leadership. And also clarity within the home. Excuse me. When you tell your wife yes and she can trust that that yes means yes, and when you tell her no, that that no means no, this creates stability. So the law of language. So there are two categories of language and only two categories of language, and this is very important. There's power language and there's escape language. So in marriage and fatherhood, power language, it attracts trust, respects, and creates stability. Escape language repels all three and produces emotional chaos. So one of the most common things I get asked for is a script. What's the script to save my marriage? What do I need to say? What is the script to win my wife back? Well, this is as close to it as you're ever going to get. There's no specific one-size-fits-all script, but this, this is the transformation in language that starts to re-establish the trust and what needs to happen. So escape language repels and creates chaos. Power language is direct, quantified, it's responsible, and it's binding in nature. For example, this is, this is power language: I will I won't by Friday at 3. This is my responsibility. Here is the metric we're going to measure this by. This is the standard. In a home, this language is that shows authentic leadership, creates emotional safety, and produces reliability in the marriage. It reduces your wife and your children's uncertainty around you. When you say, 'I will, I won't by a specific time,' this is the standard. This, this project, this removes all uncertainty around you. Families follow men who remove uncertainty. So escape language, on the other hand, which is where most of us that would be watching this call have come from. It's vague, it's emotional, it's non-committal, and it's outcome dodging. For example, I'll try, hopefully, we'll see if we can do that, maybe, when things settle down, I'm working on it, I'm working on myself. I'm working on myself indicates no certainty whatsoever. In a marriage, this language signals a lack of focus, avoidance, and a lack of internal governance. In other words, men that are using this language, they're revealing to the world that they're in chaos, that they have no internal authority or governance. This escape language increases emotional insecurity. And the bottom line is, no wife trusts a man who increases uncertainty within the marriage. I would rather know categorically that you're not going to show up than that you might show up, or you tell me that you're going to show up and then you don't. It's like I tell my employees, I would rather have an ugly truth than an attractive lie, just because you think that's what you need to tell me to keep me happy in the moment. So let's look at language as leadership. Your wife responds to the directness or the avoidance of your language. Your children replicate the standards that are embedded within your language. So when your language is avoidant and it's escape in nature, your children are going to start to replicate that avoidant behavior that's present in your language in their behavior. Your team, your peers, your environment are going to respond the same way. So whatever— whether you use an escape language or power language, that is the environment that you're you're going to create around you. So every domain of your life relies or falls or rises or falls according to the structure of your speech, but your home is where that's felt first. So a man can only reinforce the standard that he's able to verbalize with clarity. If I say be here at 9 o'clock on Monday morning, this is when this call is happening, and you don't show up, then and you've agreed to that, then that can be enforced. If I say, hey, we're doing a call this week, probably Monday, that I can't hold you accountable to anything. And all I've done is given myself a way out. So a man who can only enforce the— the man can only enforce the standards that he verbalizes with clarity. So if he will not speak precisely in his home, he will not execute consistently anywhere else. Leadership without disciplined language is nothing more than performance theater. I'm working on myself— that's escape language. Well, what exactly are you working on? Be specific. Are you working on your health, your wealth, your attitude, your, your temper? What, what are you working on? What are you doing to work on it? What is the deadline? What is the metric that we're going to measure this by? This is a man that's using power language. A man that says, 'I'm working on myself, I know I need to get better.' That's a man saying, 'I acknowledge that I need to change, but I have no intention of doing it.' So this language feels like the escape language. It feels like authority, but it lacks any consequence. I'm going to quit drinking. When? When are you going to quit drinking? When you say, I'm going to quit drinking, or I'm going to stop watching porn, or I'm going to stop doing this, well, it feels like you're moving forward, but your language has removed any consequence from your words. You've merely intellectually acknowledged that you need to do something. So in marriage, that produces frustration in your wife. It produces emotional withdrawal, and ultimately it produces loss of respect. When you say, 'I'm going to do something,' and you don't do it, or even worse, you mislead through escape language— 'Can you do this this week?' 'I'll do my best.' Ultimately, this leads to loss of respect and a complete loss of trust. So language is discipline. Internal authority, which is what your wife is responding to when she says, 'I don't trust you,' or 'I can't trust you,' or 'I don't love you anymore,' or 'I love you but I'm not in love with you.' This— these are symptoms of a lack of internal authority. And the internal authority is installed exclusively through linguistic constraint. So in your marriage and fatherhood, eliminate immediately exaggeration, excuses, qualifiers, emotional filters, passive construction, softening, and self-protective vagueness. Again, I'm working on myself. Self-protective vagueness, exaggerations, which can go either way. I only drink 5— I only drink 3 nights a week when you drink whatever, you know, it's like These weaken your authority, both with your wife and with yourself. Instead, adopt exact time, exact quantity, exact ownership, and exact standard. You don't speak to express yourself. You speak to— you speak to enforce your structure and stabilize your environment. I will be home by this time. Structure, stabilization, versus I'll do my best to be home by 5. I need your help with the kids on Sunday. I'll do my best. I will help you with the kids on Sunday. Internal of— when you use language as discipline, it stabilizes your environment. Creates trust and it creates something that your wife can depend on. And when she can depend on you, emotional security starts to return. So if your speech is undisciplined, your behavior will follow it. Can you be home by 5 o'clock today, please, Michael? I need help with the kids. I'll do my best. That's loose escape language, which will almost certainly will almost certainly result in undisciplined behavior following it. You've given yourself a reason not to be home at 5. So if your speech is disciplined, your mind, emotions, and actions realign, and your household stabilizes. 5. Language is authority. So authority is not personality. Authority is the removal of linguistic loopholes. You don't have authority through cult of personality. You can't say, 'Respect me. How dare you suggest that I would not show up at 5 o'clock? How dare you suggest these things?' Authority is the removal of these linguistic loopholes. 'I will be there at 5. I will help you with the children.' I will not watch this. I will not consume that. In a marriage, every try, should, someday, busy— I should spend less time on social media. I'll try to create emotional safety. I know I should be spending more time with my wife, but I'm very busy. This becomes the fracture point for trust leaking out. Every one of these implications or escape words destroy trust, destroy reliability, and destroy dependence. A man with authority speaks in binary finality—yes or no. Are you gonna— are you gonna join us Monday night, Nathan, for this call? I'll try. I'll do my best, I'm pretty busy so we'll see. All of those responses tell me that you're probably not going to show up and you'll only show up if it's convenient to you. Conversely, if I say, Nathan, will you be attending our call Monday morning? And you say yes, this is a man speaking with authority that I can now depend on. Nathan, last time we talked, you said you were going to do this with your wife. Did you do it? Yes, it's done. No, it was not done. Versus I got busy, or I'm definitely gonna do it, I just haven't got around to it yet. That's escape language, right? Acceptable and unacceptable. You said you were going to be on this call Monday and you didn't show up. That is unacceptable. You said you were going to take the garbage out for your wife. You didn't do it. That is unacceptable. Finite language in binary terms. Yes, no, done, not done, acceptable, unacceptable. I know what I'm dealing with then. This is why emotionally safe homes are built on men who speak with disciplined clarity. I've got an appointment with the doctor for the kids. Can you be there? Yes, I will be there. Versus I'll do my best. When you speak with these binary finalities in power language, it signals safety, it signals competence, and it signals predictability. These are the qualities that your wife needs. She needs to feel safe. And telling her that you're safe does not do it. It has to be signaled through authority power language. So this is the linguistic equivalent of a fortified structure protecting your family. You're building a moat, you're building a wall. Every try, every should, every maybe, every I'll give it a red-hot crack is nothing more than an escape hatch. It's nothing more than you saying, I'm on your side and I'm here for you if it's convenient for me. Power language says, I will be there if it's inconvenient or not. So linguistic authority closes these escape hatches. So examples of power language used in history: Jesus didn't say, try to follow me. He didn't say, 'Consider obeying me.' He didn't say, 'Do your best.' He said, 'Follow me or don't. Obey me or be cut off. I require obedience, not effort.' The extreme power language. So whether you accept the theology or not, it doesn't matter. The linguistic pattern is instructive. Winston Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches. We will fight them. We will never give in. We will never surrender. He didn't say we'll do our best. This was power language in its finest form. Zero escape. So let's put this into some practical terms. How can we use this on a daily basis? So this is, this is primarily going to be applied to marriage and fatherhood, but we can also apply it to any aspect of your life, business, business owners, particularly if you want to grow your business. This is Leadership 101, building teams, team building 101. So rule number 1, no vague commitments. Every commitment has a timestamp and a metric. Especially in the home. If you say you're going to do something, don't say maybe, I'll do my best, I'll try. It's yes, I will do it, or no, I will not, and it will be done by. 2, no qualifiers. Remove maybe from your language. Remove hopefully. Are you going to be there? Are you going to be here today, Jason? You're going to be on the call today? Maybe, hopefully. I'm trying. I'll do my best. What that means is I can't depend on you being here. Rule number 3 is no self— this is a big one, right? No self-protective softening. Say what you mean without padding, especially with your wife. Do not say, I need to work on myself. She knows you need to work on yourself. What information are you providing that she doesn't already have? I absolutely am working on myself. I'm working on this aspect of my life, and you can expect to see improvements by 3 PM on Friday. That— she doesn't know that. You're providing new information. I need to quit drinking. She knows that. You know, giving her new information. I have quit drinking as of yesterday. That's new information. Rule number 4: no passive voice. Replace 'it didn't get done' with 'I didn't do it.' 'it didn't get done' is simply a statement of fact. 'I didn't do it' is ownership of the problem. Again, 'what happened with the car getting serviced on Tuesday?' 'It didn't get done.' Well, that's not information your wife— that's not new information to your wife. She knows it didn't get serviced. She understands that. You repeating that is not introducing anything she doesn't already know. If you say, "I didn't do it," this is new information. And the ironic thing is most people think that this "I didn't do it" is going to harm them more than making an excuse. It isn't. You're indicating that certainty, authority. So rule number 5: no delaying language. Replace 'when things settle' with 'I will do X, I will do it at X and finish it at Y.' 'I'll do my best' again is not new information to your wife. State the standard. Rule number 6: state the standards explicitly. If a standard matters in your home, articulate it in binary terms. I need you to take the car to the garage today, Michael, and get it serviced. Can you do that for me, please? Yes or no? This produces accountability and this produces trust. Rule number 7: you hold your wife, children, and environment to the same linguistic discipline you hold yourself to without hypocrisy. Your family becomes as ordered as the contain— the contamination of the language that you tolerate. When you start saying, I'll do my best, I'll give it a go, I'll try, I need, I need to do this, you create an environment through your leadership that no standard needs to be enforced, or no standard is expected to be enforced. Did you play on your computer yesterday? I tried not to. I did my best. The standard that we are setting, the standard for our children, we are setting the standard for our wives. And many of us right now are setting very, very sloppy standards. It's about raising the bar. It's about, it's about raising the standard up and saying, this is— we're going to hold ourselves to a higher, a higher standard in this house, which is what your wife is asking for. She's not asking you to lower the bar. She's asking you to raise the bar. She's asking you to raise the standards in the home. This is how you do it. What is the outcome of this when we do this? So your leadership aligns with your internal authority. When that happens, your leadership sharpens, your standards stabilize, your home becomes ordered, your marriage becomes predictable. Your children feel safe again. Your decisions accelerate. Your execution becomes reliable, and your identity solidifies. There simply is no growth without linguistic order. Anyone who's been attending these calls for any length of time has seen the performance that I'm talking about. I need— I know I need to change. I know I need to raise my standards. I know I need to stop doing this. I need to work on that. All of this is escape language. None of it produces growth. Without authority language, without power language, you cannot be held accountable. What are you being held accountable to? I'll try my best, Cody. I'll try my best. Okay, well, how do we measure that? You get to arbitrate that. Like, how did you do, Matt? Well, I did my best. Okay, well, who gets to determine that that was your best? Well, I do. I will meet this standard by this time. If your words cannot be put into a spreadsheet and measured, it's escape language. So there's no growth without linguistic order, there's no clarity without linguistic constraint, and there's no leadership without linguistic precision. And ultimately, there's no salvation of your marriage without it either. And that is it. That is, that is the power of power language. That will radically transform your life very, very quickly. And let's not underestimate here, we'll just add to this too, and then we'll throw this open to questions, comments. This is where self-esteem and self-respect comes from. How many of you can't even trust yourself? How many of you said, I'm going to quit drinking, and you haven't? I'm going to stop watching porn, and I haven't. I'm going to go to bed at a certain time, and you don't. I'm going to get up at a certain time, and you don't. Utterly, utterly unable to depend even on yourself. And that's where the value of this comes in, really. It's not that Transformation doesn't come from exposure to new information. It comes from, it comes from the implementation of new behavior. And many people here and who have been here have failed to grasp that. They believe that simply understanding where they have gone wrong is rectification of the problem. Your wife doesn't need you to understand what you've done wrong. She needs to see a change in the behavior. She doesn't need that. She doesn't need you to understand that punching her in the face is wrong and that's what's causing the breakdown in the marriage. She needs you to understand that she needs this. She needs it to stop. And this is, this is the difference between the men who transform and grow and the men who don't. Are you prepared to use authority language to regulate your own behavior, or do you want to continue using escape language to give you an out of every commitment that you've made? Are you effectively saying, I'm willing to make any commitment that you want me to make to save this marriage, but I'm going to give— I'm going to use escape language to give me escape hatches should I choose to exit? That's where most of us are, and this is where the confusion comes from. We think that we're making the changes and we think that we're demonstrating the changes, but we're backing them up with escape language. And the truth of the matter is, this man— no one on this call, I would say, or nobody that's been on this call would say, I'm a man who has no integrity. We all view ourselves as men with integrity. So when we shut that escape hatch, like, the reason we're able to continue to behave in the way that we do is because we can behave badly without it, without having to directly challenge our own integrity. I can say, hey, I'm not committed to this call, but I, you know, I'm going to do my best to be here Monday at 9 o'clock. I'm not, but, but I'm going to do my best to be here Monday at 9 o'clock. And then I just decide I can't get out of bed because I had stayed up too late Sunday night watching Netflix. I can miss that call and retain my integrity because I never committed to it. I said I did. I said I will do my best to be here. If I say I will be here, now I have a choice. I have the choice to show up or acknowledge that I am not a man of integrity. Bad behavior now becomes expensive. Previous behavior— previously bad behavior was free. And my challenge to you this week is, is ignore— start, start to notice where you're using escape language. Where are you saying, I should, I'll try, I know I need to? I'll do my best. I'll give that a red-hot crack. This is, this is what's so—

Go on, Michael. Sorry, Cody, I was just going to say all those, all those statements you just read out, just all the, the weak language, they all have a silent but at the end of them, don't they? Of course. Because I, I've been doing that. I've realized listening now, I'm just nodding my head because I'm going, oh shit, I've been using that language for so long.

And they all have a but on the end of them, which, no offense, but it means you're utterly unreliable. That's right. That's the biggest thing. That's what— that's— that's while at the same time you're taking all the actions that you think your wife should be responding to. This is where the confusion comes from. My wife's not noticing my changes. You haven't made any changes. You've told, you've told her that you acknowledge that, you know, you should— you haven't made any changes. You've made changes that are convenient to you, but you haven't— you've given yourself a way out. You haven't locked them in. Here's what's happening. You, you went, my object— like, here's how you save your marriage. You look in the mirror and you see who you truly are. Like, if you don't leave this call convicted, like, I haven't done my job. And like, I don't mean in like convicted in I'm a wicked horrible person. I mean, if you don't leave this call going, oh, I'm not the person that I thought I was when I showed up— there's a gap between who I thought I was and who I actually am. If you, if you don't feel that, I haven't done my job, because it's not who you are and who— what you're providing that's destroying your marriage. It's the gap between it— what's destroying your marriage is the gap between who you think you are and who you actually are. And here's, here's the difference between men who succeed at this and men who fail at this. The men who succeed— here's what I'm telling you: go buy a mirror and look in it. And look at who you really— like, the goal of this call is to show you who you really are, not who you think you are. Because your wife sees you who you really are, your kids see you as who you really are, your employees see you as who you really are. The only person who doesn't see it is you. And the problem is you've gone to the store to buy a mirror and you bought a poster. You're looking at a poster of who you, who you could be. And you're looking at a poster. This is my number one complaint with the modern church, is they sell a poster, not a mirror. This is how Jesus sees you. Well, whatever, dude. Like, if you— like, stop looking at the damn poster and start looking at the mirror. Like, looking at the poster is just narcissism, it's delusion. You know, and this ultimately is why transformation and saving a marriage is very difficult, because are you prepared to be told, like, it's not what you know and you're doing right that's destroying the marriage, it's what you don't know, or what you think you know and you're doing wrong. It's not the pleasing parts of your personality that she's rejecting, it's the prickly parts. And it's like, are you strong enough? Are you— do you have the self-esteem? Do you have the self-awareness to be told that— to have the mirror showing up and say, no, Michael, that's a poster that you're holding up, not a mirror? The mirror is less flattering. The mirror is not nearly as attractive as that poster. And most men cannot do it because it's harsh. You— let me put it this way. I ask men all the time, your wife's leaving a secure, financially secure environment. She's wrecking her kids. Psychology. She's wrecking her future. She's wrecking her social status. She's wrecking every aspect of her life. How bad would she— how bad would you have to be for her to choose that over this? How bad would you have to be? You know, it's like I'll talk to people and they go, my wife won't talk to me, she won't let the kids talk to me. Well, how bad would I have to screw up for my wife to stop my kids talking to me? How bad would I have to be? Why don't you stop asking? Why don't you stop telling the world how bad she is for not letting her kids see their father and start asking the question, how bad would I have to be for a mother to protect their children from the father? How bad would I have to be? And that's a very difficult question, and most people want to shoot the messenger instead of listen. They want to shoot me and go, well, how dare you, Cody? What are you saying? I'm a horrible person? Well, let's let— like, I'm not saying you're a horrible person. I'm saying there are changes that need to be made, and you have to face that. Unless you can look in the mirror and see how you've actually been showing up and who you've actually been showing up as, there's no hope. As long as you're looking at that poster going, well, no, no, no, Cody, look, no, that's a poster, bro. That's a vision board. You can't show your wife your vision board and go, this is the vision of the future me. She's not buying it, man. She needs— she's only looking at you. And it's the same with any aspect of your life. It's like, if your finances are not where they're at, where you want them to be, it's like, then it's not because you're doing— it's not because of what you're doing right. It's because of what you don't know or what you think is so and you're doing wrong. And it's very— I don't— all I want to know is what I'm doing wrong. Like, people will come to me and they go, oh, Cody, look at the— look at the changes you made, look at the good you've done. I'm like, stop it, stop it. Like, tell me— like, tell me where I'm going wrong. Tell me what I could do better. Tell me where I'm screwing up. Tell me where I'm letting you down. I, I could go around this room and ask each and every one of you, tell me what you really like about this, tell me what you really enjoy about this course, tell me how you benefited, give me a win. And everybody would do it, and I could get— my head would just go, oh, Cody, you're such a good person. But I could also go around the room and say, Michael, tell me where I've let you down, tell me where I failed you, tell me where I've— tell me the gap between expectations and reality, share with me. What is the gap? What is the— where are the disappointments? Like, which one benefits me? Which one grows me? Which one makes me better at what I do? If I want to be a world-class marriage advisor, am I better off— what's my path? Is it to say, Michael, tell me how amazing I am, tell me what I'm doing right? Or is it— is the better question, where have I disappointed you? Where is the gap between expectation and reality. Where, where could I be better? How— where could I support you more? Where am I screwing up? Which is the better approach? Tell me where I could be better is power language. I've done my best to help you is escape language. I've done my best to help you is true, but is there a gap? Of course there is. Each and every one of you could tell me— tell me there's a gap. Your finances are not where you want them to be. You can, you know, it's like, well, look, I've got— the problem is you're incompetent in this area of your life. Well, I don't think so, Cody. Look at my portfolio. Look at that. Okay, well, that's fine. Well, why are you— why, according to someone who's worth $50 million, $100 million, $150 million, you're incompetent? If they— if someone at that level looked at you, they'd call you incompetent. And it's very hard to look in the mirror and go, actually, I'm incompetent in this area of my life, because that, that child, that offends the ego, that offends the personality. It takes a very strong man to do that. But the man that can look in the mirror and say, I'm incompetent in this area of my life, I'm incompetent in marriage, I'm incompetent in health, I'm incompetent in business, I'm incompetent in finances, that man is now better positioned than you to grow That man is— that man's got a much better chance of saving his marriage than the other man next to him is saying, well, but what about this? I understand what you're saying, Cody, but I've made all these changes and she's not recognizing them, so it's on her, right? Okay, well, if that's what you want to believe, but if that's your point, if that's your, you know, POV, your point of view, your marriage is over. I'll talk to people to join this program, right? My first question is, what was your role in the breakdown of this marriage? Well, I'm sure I've got one. I'm sure you've got one too. I didn't ask you if you had one. I'm asking you what it is. 'Well, I'm, I'm not perfect, am I?' 'No, you're not perfect. Like, none of us are perfect. I'm not asking if you're perfect. I'm asking what is the— what is your specific role in the breakdown?' 'Well, she's this and she's that.' 'All right, bye, see you.' Because if you're not aware, it doesn't matter how good you've been. If, if this— if you're here and you want to be here, the gap between here and here is a skill deficit, the knowledge deficit, you know. And unless somebody can come forth and say, I have a skill set deficit and I have a knowledge deficit, then there's no growth for you, you know. We're all, we're all successful men. It's difficult for us, right? Because it's like It's much more— it's much more satisfying to be a big fish in a little bowl than a little fish in a big bowl. You know, just, just as an example, right? Like, I, I live in a beautiful little town, man. The problem is it's too comfortable, and it's like there's no challenge. Like, the people that I hang out with, like, when I go to Sydney, man, they're like They're at a different level. You know, I'm looking— you know, there's a billion-dollar property developer I'd like to hang out with. There are people that are worth $100 million. There are people that are making $20, $30 million on a deal. And it's like, I get around those people and I feel like this big. I feel completely inadequate, and I feel embarrassed, and I feel ashamed, and I feel challenged. But I also feel motivated to move. And it's like, if you're in an environment where you feel very comfortable, you're never going to grow. The only way you're going to grow is to get yourself in an environment where people are doing better than you. People are playing games that are playing the game at a higher standard than you. People are moving faster than you. People are taking bigger risks than you. People are, people are getting bigger wins than you. You know, one, one of two things will happen in that environment. You'll either, you'll either raise your bar to their standard or you'll leave. I talked to a properties developer, he's like, look, you want to see the plans to my new high-rise development, Cody? We're building 60 units over on this location. Do you want to see the blueprint? Sure. Awesome, man. Like, so what, what is this? It's a $150 million development. I'll put, you know, whatever it's like. Okay. And it's like, well, so what have you done this year, Cody? Yeah, good question. Good question. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna back, I'm just gonna chill out. Give me, give me, can you give me 6 months to answer that question? Give me 6 months and I'll be back and I'll answer that question. You know, and you leave and I'm going, I need to pick my game up, man. I need, I need to start this, this, this game called life is a short one. And it's like, I need to start playing bigger, man. I need to start, I need to start playing bigger than I am right now. I need to start moving faster than I am right now, or else I'm just going to be, you know, I'm going to time out. And the same is true. This is power language. This brings us back for your family, right? Like, you start raising the bar, man. Like, your wife wants this, trust me. Your kids want this stability. Who, who, who likes instability in their life? If you're an employer, who likes instability within the market? If you're If you're an investor who likes instability within interest rates, if you're an employee who likes instability within the leadership, who enjoys instability? Conversely, who likes predictability? Who would like to know that the interest rates are going back to 2% and going to stay there for 15 years? Would that change your behavior? It would. Predictability changes behavior. Instability causes unstable behavior. Demonstratable. We will be lowering interest rates in the next 30 days versus We will be looking at an interest rate cut at some point in the next 6 months. Like, which one, which one are you going with? Like, if someone, if the Fed or the Bank of Australia or whatever says we will be cutting rates in the next 30 days versus we will be considering and looking at a cut in the next 30 days or the next 6 months, one, one creates forward momentum and action and the other creates instability. This is what you're doing in your house. This is what you're doing in your homes with weak escape language. We will be considering a cut in the next 30 days is just pacifying the market, just reducing heat without committing to anything. Is trying to avoid consequence without commitment. There will be a cut in the next 30 days is stability through consequence. What do you think, guys? I'm gonna end— I'm gonna end my rant there and open it up to you lovely gentlemen. No, no, no one has anything.

I was just thinking that like you've really got to be, when you commit, you've just got to make sure you back everything up with the action as well too. Of course, the words don't mean jack unless you actually do the action as well, right?

So this is, this is the problem, right? Like you're expecting your wife to respond to your intention, and you've trained that your intention is unpredictable. That's right.

Exactly. I, I think, Michael, it goes to the point, you like, if you're not prepared to do it, just don't open your mouth. Exactly. That's the thing I've been working on, like, you sitting in a social situation and people are just saying things to say something, and it's like, I'm not going to say anything here because I have no intention of doing whatever you're talking about. Yeah. Is that, that's the gist, Cody?

Just like, don't, don't waffle. Don't open your mouth. The only thing that's truly yours are your words. Like anything you own, give me anything you own right now, 100 years from now, it won't belong to you. My car, you know, I've got a couple of cars. They won't belong to me in 10 years. They'll belong to someone else. Any properties that I own will not be mine in 100 years. It'll be in somebody else's name. There is nothing that I I'm in possession of or will ever be in possession of that will be mine 100 years from now. I actually own nothing. I simply have the use of stuff right now. My words, however— once a word comes out of my mouth, it is mine forever. It can never be taken back, and it can never be unattributed to you. Your words are the only thing that you own. And you own them forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. And when you understand that, then, then use them sparingly and use them with precision. When I say something to you, I can never take— I can never take back the impact that it has. And I can never undo it. And ultimately, when we look at communication, like, we'll talk about scripts and stuff like that, and like, what do I say to my wife? It's not about that. Like, communication is an emotional thing. The question is not what words are you in, what words are you given. And a lot of us will make that mistake, right? We'll go 'Well, I told her this, so I don't understand what the problem is.' Like, yeah, well, technically you did. Technically your words were true. So, but the problem is, what emotion— communication is emotion— what, what feeling am I leaving you with? Within an hour of this call ending, you will remember very few words that were spoken on this call, but you will remember, you, like, what feeling did you leave with? Did you leave feeling inspired? Did you leave feeling hopeful? Did you leave feeling angry? Did you leave feeling frustrated? When you—

confirmed, confirmed from a conversation my wife and I had this morning where she said, Michael, you need to speak to me better, you need to communicate better with me. So this is just confirmation of my actions need to change to do that.

Perfect. So you, you won't remember my words, you'll remember the feelings that they produced in you. And if I said to each and every one of you, in 2 or 3 words maximum, describe how you feel about your marriage for the last 10 years, you go frustrated, angry, disappointed, upset, broken, hurt, happy, good, awesome. Like, your entire marriage can be— will be summed up in one or two— in one or two emotions. Disappointed, right? You're not remembering the events of the marriage. You're simply— you, you're— your marriage has left an emotional imprint on you, and you are responding to the emotion. When you communicate with somebody, you create an emotion, and the emotion is what they respond to, and the emotion is what they remember. And it's like, it doesn't matter what you say. Like, if, if you're using escape language, you, you're creating an emotion of uncertainty, insecurity, lack of safety, instability, lack of trust, lack of predictability. And it quite frankly really doesn't matter what you've said or what in your mind you've committed to do. You've created an emotion in your wife that communicates instability and a lack of safety. And that's what she's responding to. She gets, you know, she doesn't go, well, you might go confirmed. But like, what, what, what emotion did she leave with? Disrespected, misunderstood. Like that, that's what she's responding to. You transition into power language, then she leaves with certainty, predictability, security. It's not what you're saying, it's the emotion that you're communicating and transferring to her. I feel safe. I feel safe with you. Your language, your power language— and she's not going to know why— but your power language is making me feel safe. Your power language is making me feel respected. Your power language is making you feel like a secure, safe pair of hands to lead this marriage forward. Does it— there is no script. This is the script. Your objective to save the marriage has to be— she— my objective is to create security. My objective is to create emotional security, physical security, safety, reliability, predictability. We said it last week, right? Yeah. Who here values insecurity, unpredictability, erraticness in their marriage? None of us. Who here likes predictability? Who here likes security? Who here likes to know what they're coming home to. Who here likes to know what they're going to get? All of us. Do you think she's any different? This is it. Do this and watch your life transform. Telling you. That's it for me. That's all I've got today for, I think, you know, we've covered it. What is, how are we doing for time? Right at the hour. Does anybody else want to share before we wrap this up?

I just think that's plenty. That's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot in a short, crammed into a short period of time and it's very impactful.

So thank you. Yeah, PhD in language. Yeah, awesome, man. Do you like this format, by the way? Just—

yes, I can know. It's good, Cody. It's that— just those little gems to punch on with every week, something to have a crack at.

It's got to be practical, man. Like, if it doesn't— if it doesn't translate into rubber on the road, then it's just We're just entertaining ourselves. All right then, same time, same place next week.

Thank you, Cody.