Women Want a Man to Lead, But Only When They Agree | Trill AC

If I keep you in despair, then I can control you. A lot of women claim that they want leadership, but they don't want to listen.

I mean, I didn't fuck my way into this.

Most women value fun over stability. Like, if she's not talking to you every day, she's talking to somebody.

I didn't come to this country to be retired.

If you're really ready for a relationship, and right now I don't think you are.

Like, how is this even fun for you to watch me suffer and struggle, not even give me a phone call? And they don't talk to you for 2 days or maybe 3 days.

Ain't nobody that busy.

You find out that within those 2 days, I I've talked to somebody else. She a hoe. She a hoe.

A lot of women prioritize what they feel over what's healthy. It's a lot of women that can't call a man if they get a flat tire. Girl, you dove in headfirst when he was putting a toe in the water.

They're the most useless people you could possibly have around you.

I don't want to be vulnerable because that's dangerous to me. Your purpose should take first priority, and any woman that isn't in line with that shouldn't be next to you.

This is Talk Less. Talk less, do more. I just don't like what tequila does to me when I drink.

What, what does it do? What tequila does to me?

I don't want to say that I get sloppy. I just think that it gives me a lot more anxiety. Like, especially the next day, I get so anxious. Like, I become very much worried about anything and everything, and I'm already a very anxious person. And I don't know what's in tequila that just—it just gets me to the next level.

What you drink, vodka?

No, I usually drink tequila. Okay. And then I get like—not that I do get loose—and then you know I become a little bit more talkative. I become even more flirty, which people she told me too. She was like, "You too flirty." I'm like, "No, I'm just me." I see me flirting a lot.

Hell, I see you. Am I flirting a lot? It's like, yeah, she do be flirting a little bit. I just— I'll be having to pull her back a little bit.

It's just, it's just kind of her energy though.

She don't mean to.

I don't ever mean to. This is the craziest thing about me. I don't mean to, like, especially when I look somebody in the eyes, people like, don't look at me like that. I'm like, but where else am I supposed to look?

Well, but I mean, it got something to do with your eyes being green.

Oh, see?

And you know, you know.

See, now my eyes are green. Before, last episode, they were blue. Are they blue or are they green? I think they change colors.

I might be seeing things.

No, I think I actually think they're more green than blue.

We might be more aligned. Okay, so shot real quick before we get started, everybody. Yes, no, yes, yes, yes.

We already rolling.

Excuses is crazy, but all right.

Man, I do. I mean, listen, listen, it—

first off, I just want to say it's very interesting being on someone else's pod, like taking questions. This is a very interesting thing to me.

You, you literally be on Tonight's Conversations on tour.

Yeah, but it's on stage live. It's people looking at you. This is kind of like a chill, it's cozy, it's You know, it's a vibe type of thing. I'm not really used to that. Typically, if this is the vibe, it's me hosting.

Really?

For sure. It's me asking the questions. It's me guiding the conversation, looking at the topics. Okay, do we got enough? Okay, I'ma freestyle. Okay, I'ma— but today I could just chill. I could just show up, whatever you ask, I can just, you know, it's a beautiful thing.

Listen, you wanna— I want you to feel comfortable. The vibe of this, when I created the space, The idea behind it was that you know you come home and you sit down and just chill and talk to your friend or to your family, to somebody. The cups are representing like I like to drink tea, so we don't have tea here right now, but it's something like you know it's like a tea ceremony where you just sit down and just talk. Copy. And you're comfortable, and that's why we have candles going. I wanted to put flowers in here.

It was like it's a whole thing. I knew I was smelling something. I couldn't. I didn't know where it was coming from. Okay.

Yeah, because I wanted to be.

I see what Helen talking about now, man. She's she's supposed to be setting the mood in here. This flower.

There are books in here too.

And why you shout out to my girl Mandy? Why you got Noah's Ark?

Because it's one of my favorite books, for real. I'm not even joking, dog. Mandy, oh my God, I love Mandy.

Me and Mandy connected.

We're about to do some work together.

God help us. I can't wait to see it. God help us. That's my dog though, man.

Shout out to Mandy. Mandy is awesome, and I Listen, I've been— actually, the book, I think the book was me getting into her mind. And it wasn't me just judging her based off her content.

What did you learn?

This book has 4 parts. So it really talks about her becoming her and like becoming with her sexual liberation, what it came with. But also she's talking about therapy and accountability. She's talking about sexual assault that she went through and how a lot of women are going through that. Then also, the fact that a lot of women lie about their experiences because they want to be seen as better than what they are. And the, the amount of honesty that they had in this book, her and Wheezy, it was so beautiful because it's things that we don't want to say because we want to be judged, but we actually went through the same experiences.

Do you feel like that's a thing? You feel like women typically don't want to be judged for their experiences?

Absolutely, because we want to be seen— because there's a whole narrative about You know, hoes, or you're not going to get married because you are sleeping around people. But at the end of the day, what we forget is that we're living life, we're living experiences. And we have done things that might not be the most beautiful things, but those are experiences. And I know so many women that would hide their experiences so they can be seen better people.

Okay, honestly, do you believe that a woman would have passed That's a bit promiscuous. Does that decrease our chances as far as getting married and things of that nature?

Abso-freaking-lutely not. I think what decreases chances of you being married is when you're faking the funk. When you're faking your whole persona, when you're pretending to be somebody else so people can like you and love you, nothing is ever going to work. You have to be real. Like, the only way it's going to work is for you being yourself. And I have to learn that myself too, because You know, I come from a culture where there's a lot of like standards and there's a lot of things that you have to do. And, you know, obviously we put men on a pedestal in Russia because it's a very, you know, everything is about men, which I don't disagree with because there was a thing that Stevie Nicks said, it's divine order. And there is divine order, but also there's limits to that divine order. And you have to be yourself. That's like my whole belief in that.

How willing are you to let a man lead? I mean, and again, let me preface the question. Because just in the short time that I've known you, you seem very direct. You seem very matter-of-fact, assertive, like very sure what it is that you want. How easy are you willing to give up those reins?

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Okay, so stop right there. You said, I agree with your vision. I think it's easy for a woman to follow when she agrees with the route. What happens when we come to that fork in the road and he says, I wanna go left and you wanna go right? You don't agree with his rule. How's that handled?

Um, I think you have to really, if, if that, if that's the scenario, you really have to sit back and understand. Like, I, I think first of all, you have to, you have to be honest. You have to come to the agreement like, okay, this is my vision, this is your vision. Mm-hmm. And sometimes you might just be walking next to each other on separate paths. Mm-hmm. And sometimes it's better to just go separate ways. Mm-hmm. I think it depends on the, on the circumstances. It really depends on the circumstances. I'm the person, I will give so many chances if I like you. I will tolerate a lot of things because sometimes it's like, okay, I gotta, I gotta put my emotions aside and I'm just gonna, I'm gonna trust the process. It is what it is.

Mm-hmm.

Because there's certain things that I want, there's certain things that I like. And then sometimes when men come into my life, they challenge my vision with it. And I, I have to just let them lead with it. But, but let's say that it's been a month, 2 months, nothing is changing, and I feel like it's more of a separation versus you are leading and I have to trust your vision, then I'm out.

See, that sounds great, but we gonna rewind back to the, to the point of contention. Just like you said, it's easy to follow a man's lead. And I agree. I think that most women think that way. It's easy to follow a man's lead when I agree with where he is going. But when it comes to a situation where we at that fork in the road and I want to go right, you strongly feel like we should go left. Mm-hmm. How's that handled?

That's what I said. I think if it's 2 very strong-minded people, I think it's okay for you to— if you want to trust your vision, go ahead and trust your vision. Go follow your path. We can, we can see if we can coexist. Are you on board?

Okay, okay. He chose his path right. You strongly feel like it's left. Are you on board with him going right? Are you on the ship with him?

I will be on the ship if I love that man. I'll be on the ship with him, and I will still see. The thing about me is like I will still see if my way is working behind the scenes. I will. I'll see this. I'll test it out. But it's just because your heads and your bits.

That's not—

I understand. I understand. But also, I think with me specifically, you know, you got to realize I have what— I've been on my own since I was 14. So it's been damn near 20 years coming on, right? So I will challenge a lot of views and opinions. And I— because I've been doing it on my own. But then if somebody just like sits me down and says, And like convinces me not only with words but with actions, I'll follow the lead. But the problem is that not many men can do that. Not many men can be honest.

I don't necessarily agree with that.

Why?

I think that a lot of men attempt to be honest. A lot of men attempt to lay down what it is that we want and, and where we want to go. But oftentimes it's met with a lot of contention because of women who have a similar background to you. Which means that they've been making decisions for themselves for a long time, and my way has got me here, and I'm a successful woman, and all of these things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not, uh, belittling them, but I'm saying that in the flow of relationship, a lot of women claim that they want leadership, but they don't want to listen.

Yeah, but again, it comes with the territory because— so what I face a lot of times is that men tell me, you got to understand me. So what happens is I become the person who's understanding, but there's also the other side of the road where you have to understand me too. And that's where I think a lot of times we fail because I end up giving my everything and I'm understanding. And I also don't stand my ground where it's like, okay, now you gotta get to know me and you gotta get to know my ways. And if we're gonna, if we're gonna work this out, we're gonna walk this path together, then it cannot be just one-way street.

That sound like a personal problem though.

Why?

Because it's like, what, what did he do to warrant you giving your everything when he's not giving everything? And then a full-time investment as well. You dove in headfirst when he was putting a toe in the water. That sounds like a personal problem.

I think it's, it's, it's a personal problem. And we actually had discussion about that yesterday. I think it's a cultural difference. It's a cultural difference. And it comes from— I'm an immigrant and my values and my beliefs. I believe in bringing, building a union. I don't just date just so I can fuck somebody or date somebody. If I'm dating somebody, I see a future with you. And in my mind, I'm like, okay, this is where we're going. I don't care what title we're going to put on there. And this is how I approach everything. Whenever I do things, this is a family unit. So I can't just come in and just be like, oh, let me tiptoe around this and just give you like 5% and 5%, because ain't shit going to work if you give 5%. It only is going to work if you give it 100%, because now your whole focus is here. So when I come into any relationship, I come in with like, listen, this is what you're going to get. And maybe that's the problem. And that's probably because I give it all out and this is what you're going to get. I'm not trying to fake nothing. I'm not trying to fuck. But the moment my whole thing, this is my biggest thing, is usually 99%, maybe like 95% of the time, I got like 100% of energy in me, right? So I can give a lot because I have 100%. But there would be this 5% of time when I need the energy to be poured back into me. And that's when I train people to be used to that, hey, she got it, she got it figured out, she don't need no help. And that's when I become like, oh, now I'm complaining, now I'm sensitive, now I'm crying, because I've trained that person to believe that everything is good. And that's my fault. That's my fault. But again, I think it's the cultural difference.

I disagree. I don't think it's a cultural difference. I think that most women operate like that, especially women who are successful and women who have, you know, staked their claim and make their money and have a certain lifestyle and things of that nature. I think they often operate the same way. So much so to where as a man, when I come in there, I don't necessarily know what my role is or like what my use is. And I think that's where a lot of women, you know, got to take the time to take a step back and work on, okay, I got to create space for this man. There's nothing wrong with me going to get my degrees and me having my podcast and me being, you know, having multiple streams of income and things of that nature. But it's like when I meet the guy that I really want, am I able to create space for him?

Mm-hmm.

And I think a lot of women struggle with that and run off great men as a result, because I think as a man in that situation who also has my own motion and has my own podcast and all of these great things, my patience is only going to go so far. Which is why I asked you in terms of like, because you spoke about, I like to challenge things. I like to challenge a lot. I like to do this, I like to do that. But it's like also as a man who's also been successful, like, I need you to follow my lead.

Yeah.

And it's like, and again, I would never advise somebody to follow a lead simply because somebody is a man. I'm not saying that. I'm saying you wanna follow a lead, you wanna look at that man's track record. You wanna look at how he moves, how disciplined is he, what has he accomplished, things of that nature. And if you run into a guy like that and you still constantly And contention. I think that's something that you got to work on in comparison to him. But a lot of men run into that when dealing with successful women per se.

Do you think that there is a place for a relationship when you're trying to build your business and trying to build yourself up?

Yeah, but I think your partner has to be in line with what it is that you're doing. And speaking from a male perspective, I know that that's kind of rough. Because women want your time.

Mm-hmm.

But women also want a man that's successful. And they want a man that has money and a man that has status and networking and things of that nature. But what they not willing to sacrifice, what they willing to skip over in terms of fine print is the time that they gotta give up for that. They also want you to be next to them all day. They wanna cuddle, they wanna lay on your chest, they wanna all these things. So when it's time for you to get up and work, or if it's time for you to get up and go, To this networking event or do this or to do that. A lot of men face scrutiny as a result of that, and then it becomes a situation where it's either that or me. And I done seen a lot of men kind of sidetrack themselves and attempt to acquiesce to what it is that she's asking for, even though what she's asking for is unreasonable. So I think at the, at the end of the day, um, it's going to be difficult, but from a male perspective, Your purpose should take first priority, and any woman that isn't in line with that shouldn't be next to you. And that's why I speak to the— that's why it's so important to have a woman who's in tune with what it is that you're doing. Same with you. It's, it's important to have a man who's in tune with what you're doing and in alignment with what you're doing, because a lot of men that's dating you in your situation and how you moving and accomplishing this and doing that, a lot of men are kind of They don't want to do it, and I don't blame them because and actually at first I was getting mad and I was getting upset.

I was like, why is this? Why is this? And then I just realized that it's actually going to take the man who who truly believes in me and understands that that he sees the vision and knows that okay one thing about me I didn't fuck my way into this. Okay, let's start there. I did not, and I know a lot of times people think that oh I'm bringing my guests on like I'm actually messing with my guests and I'm doing this and that. It's like, no, I didn't. But also there's a certain persona that has to come with it. And I'm naturally a very flirty person, but I'm probably one of the most loyal people you can meet on this planet Earth. Like, I'm so loyal to my man. Even if it's not my man, I'm not gonna be messing with nobody.

Right.

You know, I might, you know, and when I have conversations, they might be flirty or whatever. But if you know me, you know that I don't mean no harm. I'm actually just, I'm a nice person. You know, and like, if I text my team, I would be like, hey love, It doesn't mean that actually, you know, we're in love with them. Yeah, it's not that I'm in love with them, but it's just because those are my people. So I'm gonna reach out to them and I want to show them love and I want to give them positive experience. I don't want them to feel any— and that's what I said when I dropped this video when I was crying, because it's like, it hurts me when I hurt people. So I'm always trying to make sure, but I also understand that a man who's going to be next to me, he has to be okay with those things. And but At the same time, I have to be okay with him mirroring the same behavior that I have.

I mean, and also it's accepting the fact that his insecurity has very little to do with you.

Mm-hmm.

I think that as men, we want our women available to us when we want them available to us. We want you to be able to drop everything when we want you to drop everything. Like, in our mind, we think we're supposed to be the breadwinner, the one that's out moving and shaking and rubbing elbows and doing all of these things. So a lot of times the insecurity per se has very little to do with you is, is when we look in that mirror, we don't necessarily like what we see staring back.

Mm-hmm.

So I say that to say that a lot of women kind of sidetrack themselves in terms of what it is that they building and things of that nature. I mean, we didn't all seen it. You got women who are super talented at a lot of things and they get sidetracked because of a man, or they get sidetracked because he doesn't necessarily agree with how you moving or whatever the case may be. Goes back to what I said before. It's about finding somebody that's confident in themselves and confident in what it is that y'all building. So that way I understand what I'm signing up for, per se.

Exactly. And the same thing that, you know, it goes back to the other person too. Because obviously, you know, I have a certain idea of what I want in my man. And I do understand that it's going to come with us not seeing each other sometimes for a week, maybe for 2 weeks. You know, it also comes with, we might not be talking every day. Because, okay, what do you think about that. When you are in a relationship, is it okay? Or like when you talking to somebody, because I have this thing, if somebody doesn't talk to me for 2 days, game over. I, I like, to me it's offensive now.

Now we talking about somebody that you're in a relationship with?

No, somebody like, let's say we're getting to know each other, we're, we're talking, we're dating, we're, we're probably like sleeping with each other too. And let's say we might be exclusive, okay? And then Let's say that there will be times where they're working, they're busy, and they don't talk to you for 2 days or maybe 3 days.

Ain't nobody that busy. That's just my take on it. I'm, I'm probably one of the busiest people that you'll ever meet in life. Literally on a day-to-day basis, I got a million and one things to do, but you still carve out that time for the woman that you like. It doesn't take but 15 seconds to send a text message to the woman you thinking about her or Call, 2-minute phone call. Hey baby, I just wanna check in, man. I'm at the office, I'm doing this, doing that, but you know, you was on my mind. I just wanna let you know I love you. I'm thinking about you. Can't wait to see you when I get home. That take 30 seconds. You know what I mean? So ain't nobody that busy. And that's what I'm saying. Like, if somebody ain't willing to talk to you every day, that's, that's your person. Now again, that's why I gotta, uh, put that disclaimer out there. If you just talking to somebody and y'all just kicking it, that's something different. But I'm talking about like your person. I wanna hear from my person every day. Like, and if I don't hear from you every day, it's gonna be a problem because it's like, I need to know what's going through your head. I need to know what hardships you done been through. I need to know who you getting into it with at the job. I need to know which friend who been acting a little funny, who you need a little advice on. I need to know these things. I need to be in tune with my woman. And as a woman, you should want to be in tune with your man the same way. So I feel like anybody who not on that type of time, y'all ain't really locked in like that. Because when I care about somebody, when I really— Like I'm invested. Us not talking for days is egregious.

It is that to me. It's crazy because I feel like at some point you just lose connection. And now it's like I'm actually not interested anymore because I don't know what the hell is going on with your life. And even if you tell me 3 days later, well, I've been doing this and that, you have a phone. Yeah, when you got a phone, you know, especially like when I see somebody posting on social media. So you got time to post on social media, but you don't have time to reach out. And it's like, it's not even reach out. You know what hurts me even more is when I reach out and they don't respond, but then I see them posting on social media. That thing is like, better stab me with a knife at that point. Just kill me.

Yeah.

Just, just literally just slap me at this point. Just, just abuse me physically because it's going to hurt less than seeing that you're posting actively on social media.

Question though, is their business on social media? Like how they, how they make their money? Because I feel like that kind of changes the dynamic of things. Now again, I'm not saying that, you know, that that's an excuse, but what I'm saying is that if somebody posting to take care of their business, I mean, I'll still be a little mad, but I'm like, I was like, all right, you know.

Well, there's a difference between posting the business and also posting some some, you know, reposting Justine LaBoy or some shit like that. Like just, you know, some memes.

First off, if he reposting Justine LaBoy— you know what, never mind, never mind. He has some good things.

He has some good things that are—

Things that he steals.

He steals, yeah. Oh, you have a problem with that?

He stole some of mine.

Really?

It's real. I mean, again, no salute to niggas. I don't want to step in front of how nobody, you know, make their money or whatever the case may be. But niggas be stealing, gang. He do. It's noted. It's public knowledge. He done stole at least 4 of them from me.

Do you put your? Well, I guess he just because he just writes it, right?

He's copy and paste and reposted. And there is nothing that you can do about that.

That is crazy. Okay. So see, this is why I was like, I don't know if I'm delusional for asking those things, but even when I'm dating somebody or just getting to know somebody, because how else are you going to get to know them unless you have? Like, I want to know your day to day. I want to know what I'm getting into because again, to me, dating is the the prequel to the relationship and how it's going to be.

Yeah, I mean, and also as men, like, our job is to problem solve. So if I'm not talking to you every day, then I don't know what the problems is. I don't know what you're going through. I don't know what you're dealing with and things of that nature. So how can I step in and fix something? Like, it'll have been 3, 4 days passed and something that been bothering you or something that's really like got you out of character and things of that nature to where if I was tapping in with you every day, I'd be able to course correct, get you back to where you need to be. But if we going days without talking to each other, I don't know What's going on? So it's like you're kind of preventing me from doing my job if we not talking every day. And again, anybody— it's another thing, women love to talk. Women love to talk. So it's like if she's not talking to you every day, she's talking to somebody. That's true. I would do that. Right. So as a man, you got to move accordingly, right? If she's comfortable going days without talking to you, that is not your lady. Because a woman that like you, she not going days without talking to you. She want to hear from you. She want to cuddle. She want to be in her man's skin. She want to do all of these things. So if she going days and days and days without talking to you, speaks volumes.

But hold up. So this is what happens, right? This is, this is, this is how diabolical this whole dating world has become. You don't want to talk to me for 2 days. Now, if you find out that within those 2 days I've talked to somebody else, she a hoe. She a hoe. She a hoe and she's a cheater. She's a horrible person. But it's okay for you. And not only that, not only that she's a hoe, but also if I've reached out, you haven't responded, but I'm a hoe for talking to somebody else who responded on time? It doesn't mean that I had sex with those people. I had a conversation with those people. True.

But What?

Talk to me about that.

Women don't just, uh, deeply communicate with men that they don't care about. So, so I think that that has to be said, um, in terms of her responding and things of that nature. It depends on how the dynamics of the relationship is set up. Now we talking about an exclusive situation, yeah, you in violation. But if we talking about us just kicking it, us may go out here and there, have sex here and there, things of that nature, yeah, you got full rein to do what it is that you want to do because you are not mine. But if we exclusive and you spending time talking to other niggas, regardless of what the, um, depth of the conversation is, you in violation.

Do you think, you know, something that you said was beautiful about we probably come across the right man, we just don't pay attention to them. Why is it that we act like that? Why is it that we meet the man that could be potentially our king. And we kind of overlook those people, especially when those people come, come in. Like, like I said, like, I go full in, but I would be more interested in a man who is going 25% in than 100% in. It's crazy. And I just had to realize that.

I think that most women value fun over stability. Um, what I mean by that is you have a guy who's going to work every day His behavior is consistent to predict, taking care of the kids, coming home. He's doing, you know, date night every Friday, bring you flowers every Saturday, whatever the case may be. He's very consistent in how he moves. But it's certain guys that just have intangibles that make you feel a way in terms of like when, when he talk to you, it make you feel different. When he cuddle you, make you feel different. Y'all on the date, he looking in your eyes and he talking that shit. It, it makes you feel different. The other guy can, can try those things and you'll engage in the conversation, but this guy makes you feel something. I think a lot of women prioritize what they feel over what's healthy for them.

Oh my God, that is so true. It's like you're speaking to me right now because that's, that's what I'd be doing sometimes. And, and we have conversations with Secret about Building families, right? And family is a business. And a lot of times, like, for example, somebody that I was dealing with, the person has seen me suffer. Like, literally, the person has seen me through the entire experience of not having money, not having support, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Watched the whole thing. Didn't call, didn't text, didn't say a word.

Speaks volumes, right?

And then Calls me five or six days later. Oh, I've seen. I've been and I'm like, so you've been watching this entire time? And it's like, so this is a joke to you. This is just funny to you that and it's like and and it takes a lot for me to to be very transparent. And I and I've I'm kind of teaching myself to be more transparent online because I'm tired of a list. Like I I don't have shit figured out. I don't. And I'm just a human who is trying to make it. And this is what it comes with. You know because people think that having a podcast is just you just. turn the cameras on and you just shoot and that's it. You know, they don't understand how much money it costs. They don't understand the whole system that goes behind it. They don't understand the team that you have to have. And when I started, I started doing everything on my own. I had literally everything I was doing myself and I had a corporate job at the same time.

Right.

And so when I— and I started speaking about all of that and it hurt me so. I literally, I was bawling, crying. I was like, wow, the craziest thing is the person who I was giving my body to Is disrespecting me to that level? Why? Like, how is this even fun for you to watch me suffer and struggle, not even give me a phone call when you know you got the— you got so many solutions to all of my problems? You got the money, you got the people, you got the tools, you got so much shit that you can offer, but you just sit there and you just watched.

Well, it was because if I— if I keep you in despair, then I can control you. If I help you elevate and things of that nature, you start developing things like confidence and self-esteem and things of that nature that could possibly make you deviate from the situation that we done created. But if I see you struggling and things of that nature, then I always come in and put my little cape on and be the savior, even if it's fraudulent. Even if I don't necessarily care about saving you per se, I could put the cape on, save you. You perceive it as me coming in and being You know, Superman or whoever the case may be. And now you in your mind forever indebted to me, or you hold me in higher regard and you are more willing to do whatever it is that I ask you to do. I think it's more of a control thing. I think that no man that really values you in that way is going to watch you struggle. If I, if I like you, if I really rock with you and things of that nature, like, yo, yo, yo, issues are my issues. I'm gonna treat them as such. I'm gonna move with the same urgency. I was speaking on that recently about you judge a man by his urgency. It's a lot of women that can't call a man if they get a flat tire.

Oh my God.

A lot of men can't call a man if they got down ready to move and they ain't got nobody to help them. It's a lot of women who can't call a man for just subtle things. Meanwhile, she busting it wide open for him on a frequent basis. But, you know, I think a man that really care about you, he gonna be willing to drop everything to make sure you straight, make sure you taken care of. Even if I can't get there myself, I'll make a phone call and send somebody else there to take care of you and make sure that you good to go, you know what I mean? So I think that the urgency that a man moves with when he deal with you, it speaks volumes. But a lot of women don't put as much weight in that as they should.

We don't. It's crazy because we don't. We really overlook those things now. It's like, oh, if he got some money, if he, if he's good looking or whatever, pass. And, and I have— and I'm speaking to myself because now it's like, no, what is the point, you know? And, and granted, there are people who— like, now I'm paying attention to the people who called, right? I didn't, you know. And sometimes it's not even giving the money, sometimes it's just the phone call, because a lot of times it's your network that's going to solve a lot of issues, 100%. And it's not that— it's not the net worth, because net worth, it's like, to you, it's like, oh, whatever. But, you know, obviously sometimes money can help out, but again, But I feel like, my God, this is so crazy. This is just— so how do we fix that? How do we— what do women need to do?

I mean, it's a confidence thing. You know, I think that, you know, you can give somebody all the advice in the world. If they ain't ready to receive it, it don't matter. So I think it boils down to that confidence thing. When you look in that mirror, you got to be really enthused with what you see back. I don't necessarily think a lot of women are enthused with what they see back when they look in the mirror. And because of that, The man that they dating kind of dictates that form, kind of defines that form. And when that's the case, shit get real dangerous because now you get to acquiescing and bending to shit that you don't really want to stand on. I don't want to lose this man, and I done put so much goddamn power in his hands over my self-esteem and over my confidence and, and things of the nature to where he could literally just puppet string me. So I think most women got to get out of that mindset. You got to be able to look in that mirror and be willing to walk away from somebody that you really like, walk away from somebody that makes you really feel good, walk away from somebody that has amazing sex, give you incredible orgasms and things of that nature, because he violates your boundaries, he violates your requirements. Think about a lot of women have, uh, 2 sets of rules. They got a set of rules for the guys that they like, and they got a set of rules for everybody else.

True.

And as long as that's the case, not only are the men confused, but you confusing your damn self.

Do you, is your audience mostly women?

Yeah.

I can see that. Because I can see this rebuttal from a male perspective saying that, oh, he's a pussy ass. Nah, he's just, he's like, he's a bitch ass because he's basically saying that, this is what I hear this From especially certain people, because trust me, I've put out a lot of content out there. Nate came on and Nate got some heat. And it's like men don't want to comprehend that. They don't want to understand that. And they're basically saying that I ain't got to do none of that. Why? I don't care. I don't need to do that.

Well, I mean, I mean, you got to think about it like this. If you were selling drugs and you got somebody coming in and say, hey, say no to drugs, be drug-free. You wouldn't be as receptive to that as you probably would, like, because you messing up my program. These women have low self-esteem, low confidence, good looking, but low self-esteem, low confidence, and I can do what I want to do with them. Hell no, I don't want nobody coming in here to tell you to be more confident and increase your self-esteem because you interrupting my flow. I don't want you doing that.

That is so cold. That is so freaking cold.

The game is the game. It is what it is.

We've been talking about this 85 to 15%. So I guess there's 15% of men that are actually going to listen to you and be like, oh, this is how ultimately I built some longevity with my relationships.

Nah, man, it's way more. It's way more than that. The thing is, a lot of men just don't say it publicly, but they DM me though.

They do?

They be like, man, bro, like what you said was some real shit, bro. I'm goddamn juggling me and my old lady. I'm trying to figure it out because I think that's what separates me from like most people. I think, I think, I think it's a lot of people out there, right, that, um, speak on the ills, speak on the issues, speak on the grievances that they have with women, right? But it's not a lot of men who teach you how to navigate, like, once you find a woman that's worthy.

Yeah.

Right. I think all of these men are chasing this, uh, uh, ever evasive woman that has all these qualities that I want and things of that nature. So, you know, that, that breeds a certain anger. But then you got to ask yourself, when you finally run into the woman that you've been looking for, you've been asking for, you've been trying to find all these years, how you navigate that? And a lot of men that's making content, they can't give you advice on that. And I think that's why I come in.

Yeah, because we talk a lot about dating, but we never talk about keeping. It's like we talk about investing, but how do you continue? You know, it's like Now let's talk about how do we diversify the portfolio? How do we grow it more? And that's what I've found a lot. That's why I was like, I don't really want to be in a relationship lane because I don't have it first. So I can't really speak on it. I can speak on it.

There's a lot of people speaking on it that don't have it. Thank you. But that's neither here nor there. Continue. Right.

But it's like, to me, it's like, this is, it's such a personal experience too. And it's also, what are you willing to allow? What are you willing to tolerate, you know? And I know my issues, and I know, you know, now I just turned 32, and now I'm at the point where I have to unlearn a lot of things, right? And I'm still in that journey. But at first, I was like, I'm just going to stay away from relationships. And then I saw this psychologist talking about the fact that the only way you can get to know yourself is by being in relationships. So there's nothing wrong in being in relationships because that's how you learn your responses. That's how you learn your experiences. There's how you learn your boundaries because You wouldn't know that you don't like a certain thing. You wouldn't know that you don't like that somebody doesn't talk to you for 2 days unless you've experienced that. And when you experience that, how do you address that? Because at first I was freaking out. At first I was like, and then it became normal. And now I'm like, this is crazy. At first I was getting upset. Now I'm like, now you're just disrespecting me.

I mean, it makes a lot of sense. I feel like nothing holds a magnifying glass up to who you are like a relationship. I think that when you're single, you can kind of curate things that cater to your strengths, curate environments that cater to your strengths. And what I mean by that, let's say that I got 4 women on the roster, per se, but, you know, she may cook well, she may have great conversation, she may look good, she may be intelligent. I may be able to use her for thought-provoking conversation and things of that nature. But I, I curate the environment in comparison to when you with somebody. Okay, I have to make adaptations to this. You lack in that area, so I may have to teach you, or I may have to make up for where you fall short and things of that nature. Or you may do something that really pisses me off, and I can't cut you off. I can't just stop talking to you. In comparison to when I'm single, if somebody does something I don't like, you're done. Now I'm over here. So it's like the relationship holds that magnifying glass of how How good is your conflict resolution? How good are you at receiving criticism? How good are— how good are you at sitting down from somebody you love and you care about and telling them what their grievances is? I think like people can speak freely when there's somebody that they don't care about or when they're not as invested or whatever the case may be. But sometimes the hardest conversation to have is with somebody that you really love. somebody that you really locked in with, sit down and tell them what they need to work on, or sit down and tell them what you don't like about them. I think all of those things cater to the, the, the, the, the, uh, um, thesis of a relationship holds a magnifying glass up to you like nothing else, because it's going to tap into your most vulnerable— it's going to tap into the most vulnerable side of you.

Do you think people need to be more open to that vulnerable side, or do they— because I feel like Maybe that's what I come across a lot of times is that I feel like I get all this avoidant men that they're just terrified of being vulnerable. It, it, and it's, and I know that I can make people very comfortable around me cuz I can hear a conversation. I don't really judge because at the end of the day, I, this is your experience. I'm not here. I, I'm, I can just say, hey, I'm with it or I'm not with it. Right. That's the only thing I can do. But I can't sit here and be like, oh, you did that, you did what— that's not my style. But at the same time, I feel like, okay, the moment that we get to that place where, okay, now we can go deeper and we actually understand we like each other, now they shut down and they just go the other way.

Yeah, because that, that level requires you to open up and express vulnerability that in the past has been dangerous for you. I think that men The reason we so hesitant to be vulnerable is because expressing our vulnerabilities is dangerous to us.

Mm-hmm.

In comparison to where when a woman expresses her vulnerabilities, there's gonna be a man that wants to come in and put the cape on and save the day. And if not, she has a village that she can lean on to help her work through her issues and kind of soften the landing as to how she moves. But with men, it's not necessarily the case. A lot of times we gotta go back to that goddamn what I call dungeon, dark place, and really figure things out on our own. Most men don't have a lot of help when things go wrong. We don't have a lot of support. We don't have a lot of people pouring into us when things go wrong. We got to kind of figure that type of thing out on our own. So all of that caters to us building real thick skin and us building a kind of veil. Um, when it comes to vulnerability. I don't want to be vulnerable because that's dangerous to me. Especially dudes that come from a certain environment. It's like, yo, yo, you being vulnerable or you being too expressive or you talking too much can get you robbed or get you shot or can get you, you know, hurt real, real, real bad. So it's like, nah, I'ma just keep this in and, and things of that nature. But then you run into that woman who you really love, and that's why, like, the, the quality of woman you're dealing with is so important because she gonna teach you a lot. About expression and things of that nature.

I don't know anything about other women. I know for a fact that women that I'm around who are in my circle currently, if something happens to you, mm-hmm, as a man, I will tell you one thing. We are gonna figure this shit out one way or another. And it's not like you don't have, you gonna have a village and we are gonna make sure the village is gonna get bigger and bigger and bigger because we're gonna support you. Because that's just how we move and we operate. And I understand that there are some women that are going to be very, you know, when shit hits the fan, they're going to be like, oh, fuck you. Now we don't have the money. We don't have the status. So I don't want to be here. You know, the women that I have around me, I know that they're going to— we're going to go through it together. We're going to be homeless. We're going to be homeless together. And we're going to go through this and we're going to figure it out. And that's just how— that's why I like to surround myself with very strong women, because even when things happen to me, They were here like this. I didn't even have to ask. That was the craziest thing. I didn't have to ask. They called me and they said, I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna be there. And every single person who said, I'm gonna be there, they showed up. Wow. Every single woman. And so I think sometimes when we— and I think there are more women like that than not. So when men say that, that we don't have a village, we don't have support, you guys do. You just don't allow us to help you and support you. And I've seen it through and through again and again and again. My girl here. Man, the shit that she went through, I was like, this is diabolical that this person is doing her like that. And then you're saying that there's no support when she was there here for you, and but when she needed your help, what is it? Duck duck? What is it when you just like go? What is what is that animal? The ostrich that covers the head in the in the in the soil?

Yeah, I don't I don't I don't necessarily agree with that. Why? I think that. Men have no problem helping the woman that we love. We have no problem sacrificing and, and improving the quality of life for the woman we love. You, you look at men who make money and, and are successful and things of that nature.

They're the least—

80% of the money that he spends is not on him. It's on his woman, it's on his kids, it's on his house, it's on things of that nature. It's not necessarily on him. Men are wired to be providers. As a matter of fact, we a lot of times unfortunately tie worth to providing, to making your life easier. Now mind you, I'm talking about a woman that we love. I'm not talking about a woman we just having sex with or one we smashing. I'm talking about one we love or we done married and, and things of that nature. Men, like, we get our fulfillment from how easy your life is. or how happy you are based on what it is that we do. So I think that that has to be stated. In the opposite end, not so much. I think that a lot of women don't necessarily make money to take care of their family. I think a lot of women make money to do what it is that they want to do in comparison to a man who makes money.

Mm-hmm.

And I first thought Is, okay, boom, I can get my family a bigger house. I can get my family a nicer car. Boom, I could take my girl on this trip she been wanting to go to. Like, that's our first thought. Our first thought is not going to buy a chain or going to buy a watch or going to goddamn buy a new car or whatever the case may be. That ain't our first thought. Our first thought is, okay, what can I do for my old lady? Okay, boom. Because for one, y'all got way more holidays and celebrations than we have, and that's something that got to be discussed. Or maybe another podcast. But in terms of how we move in general, we kind of, kind of deem our, our, our fulfillment is tied to what we do for y'all. But a lot of times, necessarily in reverse, that ain't the case.

I don't know where those men are cuz I have not met those. I, and again, maybe that's crazy because they see me and they probably think that, oh, she got it all figured out. I'm not gonna say, but I will tell you this. In the last couple of months, the man who— because, you know, I used to date people who got status and money. They're the most useless people you can possibly have around you. The most useful and the most valuable people that I've had around me are the ones that don't have much, but they will show up. They'll be there for you. And not only that, like, they will pour life into you. And that's what I learned. I was like, you know what? I mean, I dated this NBA player. My tire blew out. Do you think he even Cared? That man could have bought me a whole new car. He could care less. And then he's texting me and saying, oh, all you care for is your podcast. And I'm like, but what what what you care for? He's like, oh, this is what's wrong with this generation. They all want money. I said, that's the only thing you got. You ain't got nothing else. That I literally I I can show you a screenshot. That's literally what I sent him when I said, stop coming at me and talking to me about you wanting a wife and wanting kids, and you potentially see me as her. You couldn't even— I called you when my tire blew out. You ignored me. You watched my story. You saw that my tire blew out. And now you're going to sit here and tell me you want wife and kids and you were willing to go into a relationship? I was like, no, you don't. So I'm like, just cut the shit.

But I also think that— don't get me wrong, like, he was out of pocket and he was moving foul, but I think that some of that anger has to be allotted to the women who accept the man who just has money. What does that have to do with it? It's a lot of women who, as long as a man has money, they willing to oversee and overlook and swim past red flags and things of that nature as long as he has money. So I think that kind of programs a lot of men to feel like all I gotta bring is money. I don't have to bring consideration. I don't have to bring urgency. I don't, I don't, I don't have to bring solutions. As long as I have money, you're gonna be willing to accept me. And there are a lot of women that are willing. I, I would venture to say most women are willing to accept a man who just has money and that's all. Do you think, and that's the problem.

Do you think it's because, do you know the hierarchy, the Maslow hierarchy? Of course. So you know that, that, you know, the, the pyramid that goes, the first is the basic needs, you know, it's the hunger, shelter. Mm-hmm. And all of that. And so do you think it's because a lot of times when women meet men, they're in that survival mode because they don't have their basic needs covered. So they're willing to accept anything and everything as long as he got money. Because if he got money, now he's a few levels higher based on the hierarchy because he got all the basic needs covered and he's probably now fulfilling his potential because that's, that's the next level.

I think that, um, I think it's a lot of truth in, in what you're saying. But I think that women prioritize safety first. But unfortunately, a lot of women deem money as safety.

Mm-hmm.

And I think that that's the issue. Because you have men who make a lot of money, and me spending $500, $1,000, $2,000 on you means nothing to me. It's going to do nothing for me in terms of, damn, that's a lot of money I spent. But then you have a dude who may only have $500. He has spent $400 on you.

That's big.

And like, that's his last 5, you understand? So it's like a lot of women deem just, just because a man has spent money on you don't mean he care about you. A lot of women confuse that because they tie money to their safety. But I think that's also women who ain't necessarily accomplished what they need to. Their money ain't necessarily built up on their own. They ain't as comfortable as they should be. So now you get to making concessions and you get to bending on things that you shouldn't be bending on simply because a man has money. I think that it's not a coincidence that so many men feel like, man, if I could just make money, I'll be straight. I can get 95% of women.

Yeah, I think that that's why. And you might think otherwise, but I've kind of started experiencing that if I go into dating with the mindset of, The, on the first, on the first date asking like, are you looking for marriage?

Mm-hmm.

And basically like, kind of like positioning that I'm here to get married. I'm not here to experience this dating experience. I stopped doing that because, not because I'm asking you, are you marriage-minded? And is that something you wanna go down the road? But I don't wanna position myself as, you know, as this is gonna be the marriage and this is how we're gonna do it because I don't even know you. But I feel like a lot of times what we hear online is that you need— the first question to ask is, do you want to get married? And basically, how quick do you want to get married?

Yeah, I would highly disagree with that. I think that it's nothing wrong with stating your intentions. But I think a lot of women give men the blueprint to finesse them.

Talk about it.

And what I mean by that is, it's like, you get to— like, women talk too much. On, on dates. Like most dates, especially first date, second date, a woman doing 90% of the talking. You telling me about your past, you telling me about what you expect from me, you telling me about all these things. But that man ain't got to talk a lot, but he learned a lot about you.

Mhm.

And it's like sometimes women got to shut up and let that man talk. Ask him some questions, let him talk, things of that nature, because you giving That man the blueprint to finesse you. So even if my intentions are not good, you telling me what it's going to take for me to be able to stay next to you, for me to be able to still receive those texts back, still receive those calls back, to still be in your ecosystem, even if my intentions is bad.

Mm-hmm.

In comparison to you shutting up, asking him questions, letting him talk. And letting him approach you how he want to approach you and do what he wants to do so you can see what he'd rather do.

I agree with that. I think it's the most beautiful thing. And I think it's— before I used to jump so quick into dating. Now I'm like, I actually just want to see how you are as a friend, like, to begin with. And I think those are the best relationships that develop when you just become friends for some time. And then, you know, I want to see how you move. I want to see you around other women. I want to see you around your homeboys. I want to see you working. I want to see you around all those things because that's how I can know that that's, that's who you are.

Yeah, because you, you, you giving yourself enough material to make a proper assessment. Yeah, which is what it boils down to. I think a lot of women talk themselves out of giving themselves a legitimate enough sample size to make a proper assessment from. Because you done guided him, or you done told him what it is that he needed to do. Oh yeah, I'm like heavily in the church, so now dude going home learning scriptures so that way on the next date I can give you some scriptures because you say you like religion. Or you just— little things like that. It's like, no, shut up. Ask him questions like, what's your background? Where you come from? How was your parents? Like, like, what was the dynamic of that relationship? Like, who do you look up to? Like, what's your goals? Like, what do you want to— like, ask him questions and shut up and let him talk. Because a lot of men don't get the chance to talk often. I, I didn't been on dates, and I had guys who done been on dates to where he said, damn, gang, I only said about 20 words. She talked the whole time. And it's like, women don't understand how, how much of a, a disadvantage that they putting theyself at by doing that. Shut up. Let him talk so you can make a proper assessment.

I love that. I think it's very important. I think it's important to ask questions, and I think it's important. I think it should. It should be like a tennis match. You know, it's like you. What I've learned in sales is that one question, two statements. Amen. If you can have a conversation like that, you're gonna. It's called discovery, right? The first goal is. Uh oh. Is that tequila talking to you? It's right here.

Finish the cup. But yeah, my bad. What you was saying?

I'm just saying that it's called discovery, right? It's called discovery for a reason because now you're trying to uncover what's the problem that we're trying to solve.

Right.

And that's, I just take the sales mentality. And so now when I date, it's like, yes, I do want to get married, but I want to get married to my person. I don't want to just get married so I can get married.

What does that look like?

What, my person?

Now, today.

Now, today?

Because I mean, first of all, let me preface. I mean, the podcast is on the uptick. Like, you, you, you, you, very noticeable face. I'm pretty sure it's hard for you to go places without people recognizing you, things of the nature. So today, what does that look like, the perfect guy?

Thank you. I appreciate that. I've been getting so many compliments today. I'm like, ooh, did I actually do all of that? Okay. For me, the most important thing—I want somebody who's considerate. It's like the most important thing. I want somebody who is considerate, and I want somebody who—I want a very humble person. I want somebody who's considerate, but I also want somebody who's ambitious. I know. There we go. And it's hard. There we go. It's hard. And you know, the thing is, like before, I was like, oh, I want an athlete. I want six, you know, six two, six five, six six. At this point, I don't really care about the physical. aspect of it because I actually, maybe because of the podcasting, I really truly learned how to like the actual person behind all of this because all of this can be changed, you know, and the height and all of this. Like, yeah, you want by the standards of the society to be smaller than your man and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't care anymore. At this point, I don't care. Now the floodgates are open, right?

Okay. So which, okay, let's, let's go ahead and start slamming some boundaries down. Question. Would you be okay dating a guy that you heavily outearn?

If he can be an asset to me, yeah.

Asset. Elaborate on what an asset would be to you at this point in life.

I think the asset meaning that if you can, let's say that I heavily outearn you. Let's say that I have a team that I'm building. If you can help me out, like, let's do this business together. Are you down? And if you're down, at the end of the day, money is this energy. It comes and goes. You know, I've lost a lot of money. I don't have a lot right now. Many people earn me. Okay, let's be very real. Right this second, right this moment, a lot more people who have regular jobs have way more money than me because I had to invest into what I'm building and I'm down to the bottom. So I can't sit here and just be like, give me a millionaire. I actually don't want a millionaire. I want somebody who is, who's gonna, I wanna build together.

Okay, question. Mm-hmm. Guy makes less than you. Um, is it capable for, is it possible for him to lead you in a relationship if he makes less money than you?

I don't think money is the, is the sign of, uh, leadership. No, I think to me it's important that a man has the knowledge and the ambition. Like it's ambition, meaning that you might. I actually would love to date somebody who's lost the business and who is trying to rebuild again because if you had a business, you lost it. Now you are. You understand what it takes. So I don't mind that. I don't really want somebody who is established just because we're already uneven. So it's hard. I I'm building right now. So if somebody wants to build with me, that's great. But when you come across somebody who's already established, it is. It's very hard to date them because—

Question, because— and, and the reason I'm asking these questions, because this is what a lot of men tell me, right? So let's say you got a guy, um, he's a teacher, he's a 6th grade teacher, and, and he's a football coach. He loves what he does. He's not making 6 figures, whatever the case may be, but he loves what he does.

Mm-hmm.

And he checks off every box for you outside of finances.

Mm-hmm.

Does he have a chance to be with you long-term?

Yes, yes, and no. The reason why I'm saying no is because our lifestyles are not aligned. And unfortunately, you have to really look into that because I dated somebody who was a teacher. That story went viral. When I said about somebody who was a teacher, and the problem was that it's not about the finances. The problem was that the person did not have like his schedule was he is at work from 7:45 until 6 to 7 p.m. Comes home, he has a child, he has to take care of the kid. He doesn't have time for me. Let's be realist. And he literally said the only time, the only way this is going to work is if if we live together. And I'm like, but this this can't. This is—I don't know you. Why would I live with you? You know, I don't know you. We—we still have to date and get to know each other. So now the lifestyles are not aligned. So I think it's very important for me to have somebody who has the same lifestyle as me because sometimes I'm—I'm—you know—very rarely I'm going to be available at the time when he's available because I'm here right now. What time we started filming? 7:38 p.m. He technically right now, he's home cooking dinner. I won't be back until midnight. He gotta be in bed because he gotta get up at 7 in the morning because he has a full day of work. So lifestyles don't align. And it's, you have to look at that. It's not about the finances. It's just about, and I love that he's taking care of kids. It's amazing. But it's just realistically, it's not gonna work.

Okay. So question, are you saying that you're writing off all 9 to 5 men?

No, I don't write. I don't. I don't write off 9-to-5 men. It depends what kind of 9-to-5 they're doing. I will be very realistic with you because I wasn't corporate and it depends what they do in corporate because a lot of people who have corporate jobs, they're, they're settling. I don't want a man who settles. There's elaborate on it. So when you get a 9-to-5 job, there's nothing wrong with that, right? So let's say that you It's your first job, right? And so now you get into sales or I don't know, you become like a program manager or something. They're going to hold on to that job like a dear life. They don't want to do anything outside of that because now they, they get like a $100,000 base, right? Or like a $100,000 salary. They get the benefits, they get everything. So now they become comfortable with it and there's nothing wrong with that. But I know for me, I'm going to come home and I'm going to be like, oh, I got this idea, babe. I got this. I don't— I want to do this. I'm a very resourceful person. So unless somebody kind of reciprocates that with me, it ain't going to work. And I just learned that like recently because the person who I was dating, I was— that's how I started realizing that I know too much. I know a lot and I can be a good asset to a man. And I think for me, it's important to be with somebody who is like an entrepreneur because I know how far we can go.

So you're writing a 9-to-5 guy off is what you're saying.

But let's say, let's say the 9-to-5, let's say he He owns the company, right? Let's say he's a CEO because now—

Ain't a 9 to 5 if you own its company though.

But it is a 9 to 5.

Mm-hmm. Mm-mm. Ownership, which, which, you know, I'm sure it ain't a 9 to 5 job. It's a goddamn 12 to 12 job. Yeah.

Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. So I'm just talking corporate sense, but if it's like a 9 to 5 that he has, again, it's not gonna work because my schedule is not 9 to 5. Sometimes I don't get up before noon because I've been up till 4 in the morning.

Working. Okay, so you're saying that I don't necessarily not respect the guy that works a 9 to 5. He just doesn't align with where I'm at in my life right now is what you're saying.

No, and I don't think it's fair because it's not going to be fair to him. And there's nothing wrong because I've lived that life. I've lived that 9 to 5 life. I've had that job for 10 years. I've seen it all. And a lot of times when I met those men, I'm like, it's crazy how y'all are so scared to lose the job when you're also scared to get promoted or something. Like, you hold on to this job like a dear life. And there's, you don't see the outside of the possibilities. And I've always seen a bigger picture than that. So for me, it's going to be very hard to be with a man who doesn't see the bigger picture.

Thing is, you know what's crazy is that a lot of men look at relationships the same way.

And I know it's not going to be easy for me.

I already know. Yeah, it's like, I done been in this relationship so long, this shit comfortable to me. This my routine. I don't necessarily Love you the same way I used to. I don't necessarily like your ass the same way I used to, but because it's such a routine for me, I don't necessarily wanna leave it. I honestly think that a lot of men are more in love with their routine than they are their woman.

And I don't think that there's anything wrong with that because at the end of the day, it's supposed to get boring, but it's a choice that you make every single day. You wake up and you choose to be with that person. You don't have to, but you choose to be with that person. Same way that our grandparents did. They chose to wake up. They were fighting like crazy. They hated each other. They every time we're gonna file for divorce at 75. No, you're not gonna fucking file for divorce. You're gonna stay together until you literally you're gonna hold hands before you die. We know that.

Nigga, what 75 is crazy.

But but it's but it's but it's like you know I've seen it all. So it's like but it's a choice that they're making every single day and they choose to stick together no matter what. And that's I think that's that's another thing that I want in my man. I want somebody who me and him we're gonna choose. to stick together. What— just listen, shit can get bad. Shit can get bad. But it's like, are you willing to walk the walk, you know?

Are you willing to give up leadership to make that happen?

I am. I am.

I don't know if I agree with that throughout this conversation. And again, that's why I've been asking you the questions that I've been asking you. It seems like you're not necessarily ready to give up leadership, especially at this point, because you done built what you done built and, and things of that nature. And that brings about a certain level of ego, brings about a certain level of bravado and things of that nature. So it's like, okay, boom, man coming in my life, he got to be able to match what I'm doing, or he got to be able to align with my path and things of that nature. And if he's not necessarily aligned with what it is that I'm doing, I can't respect him as a leader. I respect him as a man, but not a leader. And it's like, for a man, that's not gonna work.

Hmm.

Most men— let me rephrase— most men worthy of a relationship is not going to come into a relationship and just be like, you know what, man, whatever my woman want. It ain't gonna work like that. Most men who are worthy of relationship gonna come in with a certain plan, a certain leadership style, things of that nature. So that's why I keep asking you, are you open to his leadership style even if He's not as successful, doesn't make more money, or whatever the case may be, but he has everything else that you want checked off. Are you open to really following his lead even when y'all come in that fork in the road and you want to go left and he wants to go right? Are you willing to say, you know what, baby, I don't necessarily agree with this, but I'm gonna trust your leadership and we going right? Are you, are you willing to do that?

I, I am actually. It's funny because When I had my live show, I literally did that. I let I let because usually I'm the one. This is this is where it's going. I'm I'm a control freak.

You know, I can tell because it's my business.

So now now this is my brand. When my live show, the day of the live show, there's couple people especially there's there's specific person who said just just relax handled everything and I was like I trust you and I let I let it be. I let it be. I will do that. But again, I need—it's like you have to establish rapport with me, right?

Because again, how long does it take to establish said rapport?

No, it's like it's it's like if I see one two times that you're actually following up your on your words and you talk less and you do more, you got it. I follow the lead. But that's the thing is like I know how I come off, but it's it's going to take the person who's actually going to get to know me versus the what they see online because obviously this is what you see, but this is what. I'm doing. If you get to know me as a person on a daily basis, listen, I call people and I'm like, what do you think about that? I need some help. Hey, do you know someone? Like, I'm not the person that comes off cocky and ego and all of that. I'm a very humble person because I'm like, I don't know what to do. But you know what? Let me pick up the phone. Let me call you. Let me do like I'm a very like I'm a solution-oriented person. That's why I want somebody who can solve problems too. When it comes down to a person who doesn't have the money and success yet. You know, if you check off all of the other boxes, one thing I would tell you, that we're gonna get the success, we're gonna get the money.

Let's see, yet was the keyword there. Goes back to the question I asked before. Let's say a man is comfortable being that 6th grade teacher, comfortable being that football coach. I'm good here. I don't want to make more money. I want to just pour into the community. I want to pour into the, like, young boys and things of that nature. Are you saying that—

No, he's not. He doesn't want to be around me. There's no point to be around me. I'm not that per— I'm not, I'm not the woman for him. I'm just not. And let's be real, I'm not. I'm not. And I'm not gonna sit here in front— I care for the community, trust me, care. And I go to the community and I do a lot of work with the community, but, but it's not gonna work. I can't. I don't care. I don't like it. I'm not gonna do it. It's gonna piss me off at some point because I'm gonna be like, okay honey, this is great, but maybe, you know, maybe you need to think about starting your own academy. Doing you know there's a lot of things that I I can't I just can't do that. Drill, you gotta understand.

Fair. I'm an I'm not arguing it. I'm not arguing it. It's just interesting because you get to talking to women, right? And they get to talking with a lot of pretty words in terms of oh I you know I want a man to come in and lead me. I want a man to come in da da da da. And that's why I bring about the questions that I bring about because. It's easy to follow leadership that you agree with.

Mm-hmm.

So if this man is going in the path that I want him to go, sure, I'm on board. I'm in the passenger seat with my seatbelt buckled. But when we get to that fork in the road, or we gotta make a left or we gotta make a right, and I strongly feel like we should make the right, but he wants to make the left, that's what's gonna test the relationship. That's what's gonna test your belief in said man. And a lot of women don't necessarily believe In the men that they date. And oftentimes it comes to that point for them to figure that out or for them to realize that. And that's why, that's why I asked you those questions. And what I'm trying to gauge is if you're really ready for a relationship. And right now, I don't think you are.

I don't think I am because there's a lot of things that I'm learning. I, I—

Fair.

There's a lot of things that I'm learning about myself. I also understand the time commitment that I don't unfortunately have. And I've said that you have to say, right now I'm sacrificing a lot of friendships. I haven't been around a lot of people just because I don't have the time. And I understand the opportunity that I have in front of me right now. And I have to grab onto that opportunity.

There it is.

Again, again, I'm an immigrant. You know how we see an opportunity?

We ain't got no choice. You gotta go for it. I know.

We gotta go for it. And that's the difference. So maybe it's gonna take another immigrant. I don't know what it is, but I know that the man is there for I know that I'm going to be married. I know I'm going to have kids. It might not be in the next couple of years, but I know that it's here for me.

Fair. I mean, I'm, I'm not saying how you moving is wrong. I'm just trying to get a real honest glimpse as to what your mindset is. And, you know, I think I got a grasp on it.

But like, it was funny because yesterday somebody told me, he was like, change your license plate. My first question, why? Because— and he said, you wanted someone masculine. I said, change your license plate. You don't even need to question me because you know why. And I looked at it, I was like, damn, okay, yeah, oh yeah, I like that. I looked, I was like, oh, and that's what I always, I always tell my girl, I'm like, somebody just gotta do like that. Unfortunately, that's the way it's going to be with me. You just got to put your foot down and just be like, this is how it's going to be.

I get it. I get it. Because there's certain women, like I said, I'm married to a woman with 2 degrees and a 6-figure earner and all of these things. So I understand. That's why I'm asking the questions that I ask, because a lot of women say what they want.

You see, you married to a woman with 2 degrees, 6-figure earning. You see where you are at now because of who you married.

Sure. Yeah, I, I don't, I don't, uh, I wouldn't dare. We just talked about this the other night in terms of like how she done helped me be more disciplined and more focused and, you know, things of that nature. And I was explaining to her like the impact that she had on me, and she was kind of taken aback by that because she'd be like, man, you always been popular, you always been successful, you always been— Sure, but the focus, the level of focus that it takes to get to where I'm at now Something totally different than. So you gotta have a woman who's solid. You gotta have a woman who locked in, who invested, who is willing to when we get to that fork in the road and I say let's go left, willing to say okay baby let's go left.

Yeah, it's beautiful and I think people should not be scared of marriage but they got to be realistic because you know I I said that throughout my entire twenties I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship and I was like honestly I was. I was not ready for a relationship. I was so not ready for a relationship. I was ready for the idea of a relationship, but when it came down to the actual relationship, boy.

That's our question. Prenup conversation.

I love that conversation. Please have that with me. I want to have that conversation. I think it's a very important conversation to have because also I don't think that people should— if we are actually going into this together, we got to be real. We got to be like, you want to protect your assets, I want to protect my assets. But whatever we build together, we build together. And I think that there's nothing wrong with that. I truly think it's an important conversation to have in your relationship. Financial stuff, all that stuff, you got to talk about that. How else are you going to trust each other if you don't know what's going on? You know, you don't know about things that have been going on in the back end. Fair. If you're trying to build something, I can't go into that Blindsided.

Would you say that you're in the minority when it comes to that mindset? I think people are scared of that conversation because it's like people or women are scared.

Women are scared because a lot of times they ain't got, you know, a lot of times it's a survival thing and a lot of times it's not something they want to talk about. And again, I unfortunately I don't have shit to hide. It is what it is. So and I don't want anybody to feel like I'm coming off them. I don't want to, I don't want a man, especially my man, to feel like that because that's never the intention. Right. I don't ever, I don't ever want to play victim and I don't ever want you to act as if you saved me. If you're willing to do so, go ahead. But I don't, I don't, I've never been one of those girls that's like, oh, I want a man to retire me. I want to retire myself.

Would you be open to it?

Retiring?

No, a man retiring you.

No. You know what's crazy? Somebody asked me to do that.

Goes back to leadership conversation, the question I asked earlier.

But, but here's the thing, leadership or control?

Nah, see, and, and the fact that that's the thought at the forefront of your mind speaks volumes. I'm talking about a guy who coming in genuine, somebody, a guy who coming in, goddamn, he, he got his own situation, he's supportive of you, things of that nature. But it's like, okay, in the, in the way that I see our relationship going, leadership, me doing the work, me doing the hard things. I want you at home, make sure the house is straight. I want you doing what it is that a woman would do, in, in his mind. But it's not from a bad intention. It's from him wanting his household to run a certain way. Are you open to that idea?

Go get a woman who wants that for her. There's so many of them who want that. I don't want that. I didn't come to this country to be retired. I didn't do that. I left my family. I haven't seen my family in 10 years so somebody can put me in the house and say, I'll give you the money. I'll get— I don't want that. Do you think I started this podcast because, you know, I had nothing else to do? This has been my dream. So why would I give up my dreams for a man to tell me, hey, take care of that? I will take care of the house without being retired. I will still do those things. That's the thing about me. I'm a superwoman. I can do all of it. I will be a mom. I'll do the work. I'll take care of the house. I'll take care of you. I can handle all of that. But if you coming at me saying I'll retire you, there's plenty of women. Go find your equal who wants to do that. I could not do that. I will sit down once I have kids. I will sit down. But else, I like, I need to work. I love to work. So it's not me. So I can't sit here in front that like, oh yeah, if somebody just, I literally— somebody came to me with that offer and said, if you give up your podcast, we'll get married. I got— I— everything will— everything will be settled for you. I said no. Not only I said no, it's like, now you actually don't like me. You like the idea of me because you want to put me in the house. I don't want that. There are plenty of women who will do that, and go get them. It's just not me. Don't come my way because now you want just a pretty girl sitting in your house So you can tell everybody, I got her, I put her down. Nope. And especially when it came down with the proposition that you give up your podcast before it even blew up. Do you know how hurt I was hearing that? I was, I was like, damn. I was, I was like, I don't even know what to think when somebody— if somebody said, hey, continue doing your podcast, but hey, I got you, that's a different conversation. But when somebody says give up your podcast, no.

But I mean, it go back to what I said earlier about Yeah. Men and our obsession with having you available when we need you available. That, that's what it boils down to. I think a lot of men, uh, you know, especially broke men, they like want their woman to be high achieving and make a lot of money and things of that nature. When you run into a guy who actually has the money, now that, that want swings to availability. I want my woman available. Like, for instance, like, if I'm on the road or I'm doing this, I'm doing that, when I come home, I don't want to hear about you about to leave or you about to be gone for 12 hours out of the day. I want you here with me. And I think that's the issue that, like, a lot of men struggle with. But which is why I—

That's the thing is, like, you know, the person that I was dating, I would always find time for him.

Sometimes you can't though, especially in this podcast game. So for instance, I—

again, we will align at the thing is like, do you really want it? I will find time. If it means I wrapped up at 10 PM, I'll be at your house at midnight. I will do that. I don't care if I have to sleep for 3 hours, I'll sleep for 3 hours. That's just how I move when it comes down to that. So I don't build— again, if you wanted to, you would.

Where does that urge come from? Does it come from a sense of like, I don't want to be dependent on anybody for my livelihood? Or does it come from just an urge to want a podcast. Like, I just have a drive for this. I just want to do this. Which, which side does that come from?

I think it comes from there's a purpose behind it and I don't want to give it up. It's like, it's like, again, it comes from, you know, I didn't get opportunities when I was a kid. I didn't, I didn't, you know, I didn't, I didn't have much. I grew up in a one-bedroom apartment that was like 400 square feet with 4 people who were as tall as me. So, you know, I've never seen none of that. And so now when I know what my power is and what I can do, why wouldn't I use it and do that? And if I can be impactful to people, man, and until the moment that I'm not, then I'm going to continue doing that. And I'm just getting started. So I feel like there's a lot more that I can do. So that's where it's all coming from. Fair. Well, we got to wrap it up because we've been here for like 15 hours.

Yeah, it's been a little minute, right? We can keep talking.

The conversation was flowing.

We had no format, no nothing. We just sat down and just went.

I had, I had the introduction, I had whatever, but we don't need to introduce you. We already know who you are. We already know what you do. What's next for you?

Oh man, um, just more content. One, uh, eventually I want to start a, a media conglomerate. I want to start hiring talent. I want to start bringing people in, showing them how to build a platform. I mean, I done did it 3 times. at this point. Um, so like, I kind of know what it takes to, to get to that elite level of, um, engagement and followership and all these things. So that's what's next. Um, also, man, we're going on tour. Tonight's Conversation, November 11th, first show. Um, South Carolina, I think we're gonna be, man. I'm, I'm looking forward to that shit. Gonna be crazy. Um, salute to everybody that been rocking with me. Uh, Patreon, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, everywhere.

And, and what we're going to manifest is that you're going to hit a million followers.

Yeah, that's gonna come probably, probably by December, probably.

No, it's gonna come earlier. We'll be here. It's gonna be here.

Okay.

Well, thank you for coming on. I appreciate you.

No, I appreciate you having me for sure. Dope conversation, man. I'm always here for those.

I love that. See, I— listen guys, the printer didn't work, so I couldn't print any cards. I just had them here. This is from the live shows. This is the old stuff, but we don't need it. We don't need it. I think at this point we just know what we're doing. So like, follow, share, subscribe, comment, let us know what you think, and we'll see you on the next one. Bye!