In this first-person monologue, Dallas Bragg recounts his early recovery period, describing how he became "addicted to milestones"—each new achievement (housing, employment, driver's license, car, reunification with his children, graduation from drug court and treatment) supplied a dopamine surge that sustained his sobriety. When those milestones were achieved and life returned to a routine, he experienced a stark sense of boredom and an urge to relapse. At a critical decision point, instead of seeking dealers via his phone, he chose to delete and block contacts that could facilitate drug use, marking a conscious shift in identity. Bragg emphasizes that boredom does not necessitate relapse; rather, a compelling vision of one's future self can drive the decisive action to protect sobriety. He frames this moment as a pivotal, core decision that redefines his self‑concept away from the addict identity.
Chapters
You know, I spent the first year and a half of my recovery being addicted to milestones. Because I was starting from scratch, everything was a dopamine hit. Getting a room for rent, getting a new job, getting my driver's license back, getting a car, getting my kids back, graduating from drug court, graduating from treatment. All of that, my 30, my 60, my 90, my 1 year, all of those things. Were giving me the dopamine hits that I needed. So then what happens? What happens when all of that is gone and you return to quote-unquote normal life? I remember I walked to the kitchen sink. It was full of dishes from my kids. And I'm just looking around like, this is life now? This is why I started using. Boring. And the first thing I wanted to do was go use. The first thing I wanted to do, I picked my phone up. I was going to find my dealers, find somebody on Facebook, find something on my phone that I could access that edgy side. You know, something that would give me a new dopamine hit. That was my decision point. That's when I went out. I went outside and I'm crying and I'm looking at my phone and I picked my phone up and instead of looking for dealers, I started deleting. And blocking everyone who I thought could give me access. What I thought was a plateau was actually a pivotal point in my recovery, a pivotal point in my life, because once I did that, that was finally when I made a true core decision. This is not me anymore. This is not my identity. I choose. I choose a life where I don't use. Just because you feel a little bored in your recovery doesn't mean that you have to act on it, and it doesn't mean your life is over or vanilla. It just means you may have to make a choice. What vision of myself is strong enough to help me make a final choice? If who you're becoming is strong enough and compelling enough, And alive enough in your body, you'll make the choice. You'll make the choice to block that dealer or text that dealer.
