Are you loving your partner through his recovery, or are you managing him through your fear?

Are you trying to control your partner's recovery and calling it love? Is it love or is it fear? Hi, my name is Dallas. I'm a chemsex recovery coach offering a 6-month group coaching program for men who have sex with men. I work with a lot of men in chemsex recovery who are also in relationships. Some of the partners use, some of them don't, but one of the most common patterns I see is what I call recovery management— trying to control, guide, monitor and organize your partner's sobriety. It sounds like care, and sometimes it is, but a lot of it is fear. Fear that if your partner connects with somebody out there in the chemsex world, he'll choose them. Fear that if his journey goes differently than yours, he won't need you anymore. Fear that the relationship only holds if you stay central to it. Here's the thing about that fear. It doesn't go away by controlling more. In fact, more control often drives your partner away and into relapse, and it also allows you to focus less on your own journey. You can love someone and not manage their recovery. You can be in a relationship and still belong to yourself. That's not distance. That's differen— differentiation. And it might actually be what saves the relationship.