Chemsex Recovery: Honeymoon Phase

Hey there, Dallas Bragg here, recovery coach for gay men who want to break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex and live their best and highest life. Today we're starting a 4-part series, taking a deep dive into the 4 phases of chemsex recovery, according to me, in the first 12 weeks. The first phase is called the honeymoon phase, otherwise known as the pink cloud phase. You've probably heard that if you've been anywhere in recovery, treatment centers, 12 steps, whatever. Keep in mind that as you watch and you listen about these phases and about this series, that these are not set in stone and this is not an exact science. So just try to listen, find yourself in each one, and then use the suggestions to build long-term recovery. On this channel, you're gonna find lots of resources like this to help you break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex and attain your best and highest self. Also, don't forget to look for my podcast. It's called The Aftermath Podcast here on this channel as well. I'll drop a long-form video just like this one every Saturday. So please turn on the notification bell, subscribe to the channel, So you don't miss anything. By the way, if you're interested in my group coaching program, it is called Recovery Alchemy Foundations. The link to apply will be in the show notes. Through weekly sessions and then weekly group sessions with all clients, daily accountability, your life could look much differently in 6 months. Well, 12 weeks. If you go on to the second 12 weeks, it's 6 months from now. Like I said, this is the first in a series of newsletters where I'm going to walk you through what I call The 12-week upward spiral of chemsex recovery. This is a map that I created after years of working with men, gay men in chemsex recovery and living it myself. And these phases are not backed by science. They are simply my anecdotal observations. So if you read my original 12-week upward spiral newsletter or watched my original 12-week upward spiral video, which I will link in the show notes, you know what we're talking about. The link to that video will be down there with the full diagram. So that was an overview, but now we're going to go ground level, one phase at a time, deep enough that when you're standing in the middle of it, you'll know exactly where you are and exactly what to do. So we're starting where every recovery begins, the honeymoon phase. This is a phase where it seduces you into thinking that you've already won. It's the phase that feels the best and sets the most dangerous trap, really. And if anybody tells you what's actual— if nobody else tells you what's actually happening in the first few weeks, you'll walk right into the trap. So this is why this is good. This is giving you a roadmap. So here is the beautiful lie of week 1. So let's start with the truth. Those first few weeks often feel Amazing. You've made the decision finally, and the relief of that decision to stop creates a high that rivals any chemical. You're done sneaking around. You're done being traumatized by the sound of birds singing in the morning. Party's over. Party's over. That's what they're just kind of saying. You're done deleting the apps and re-downloading them for the 48,000th time. You're done negotiating with yourself about whether it's just one more time. The decision is made. Suddenly, the world looks like it's been washed clean. You're reading recovery content. You're listening to podcasts. Maybe you found a therapist. Maybe you found a coach. Maybe you're going to 12-step meetings. You found a sponsor. People who actually understand chemsex, right? Maybe it's not some straight clinician who makes you explain what PNP means while they're trying not to judge you for it. You're journaling for the first time, probably since middle school. You're texting your accountability partner at reasonable hours. Everything feels new and hopeful and exciting. It's possible. This is the phase where you buy a gym membership, deep clean your apartment, delete Grindr for the 47th time, but this time it's different, right? And maybe post something vague on Instagram about new beginnings. And I want you to hear me clearly. All of this is real. The hope is real. The excitement is real. The resolve is real, but it's not permanent. And confusing real with permanent is the first mistake that will take you down. So what's actually happening in your brain? Your body and your brain have been under siege, and now that siege has ended. That's what the honeymoon phase actually is. It's neurobiological relief. So when you were actively using, your brain was locked in a cycle of dopamine flooding followed by dopamine depletion. Your stress hormones were elevated around the clock. Your sleep architecture was destroyed. Your appetite was suppressed. Your nervous system was in a constant state of fight or flight. Even when you were lying in bed scrolling sniffies at 3:00 AM pretending everything was fine, you were still being triggered. When you stop, your brain starts to— Reset. Heal, recalibrate. The dopamine flooding stops. So does the crashing. Your cortisol begins to normalize. You start sleeping, really sleeping, for the first time in months or years. You eat a meal, a real meal with real food, and your body remembers what nourishment feels like. Your skin clears up. Your eyes look different in the mirror. This physical recovery combined with the psychological relief of making that decision creates— A real genuine euphoria. Your brain is literally celebrating the absence of poison. And here's where it gets tricky though. This relief feels like that's the transformation. It's not. It's recovery. There's a difference. Recovery is the process of healing. Transformation is the result of sustained intentional work over time. In weeks 1 through 3 of the 12 weeks, you're experiencing the former. Mm-hmm. And mistaking it for the latter. You think you're transformed. This is why so many guys relapse around week 4, week 5. The biochemical relief wears off. The new car smell of recovery fades. And because they mistook relief for transformation, they have nothing underneath to sustain them when the good feelings stop coming for free. So here are 5 common traps of this honeymoon phase. I've watched so many gay men walk through this phase. And the same traps show up over and over. Knowing what they are won't make you immune to them, but it will make you aware, and awareness is everything. All right, trap number 1, I've got this. This is the most dangerous sentence in early recovery. When you're riding the high of the first 3 weeks, it genuinely feels like you've cracked the code. You've stopped. You feel great. What was everyone so worried about? The problem isn't confidence. Confidence is useful. The problem is premature confidence. The belief that the hardest part is behind you, even when you haven't even entered the hardest part yet. The hardest part isn't stopping. The hardest part is staying stopped when your brain has healed enough to forget why you stopped in the first place. Trap 2, the overhaul fantasy. You're going to want to fix everything at once. New gym routine, new diet, new morning ritual, new boundaries, new journaling, new therapist, new wardrobe, new life. I get it. The energy of this phase makes you feel capable of anything. Here's what happens though. You build a house of cards. You create so many new commitments that when the honeymoon phase ends and the energy drops, and it will, the whole structure collapses. And then you don't just feel like you failed at recovery. You feel like you failed at everything. The honeymoon phase is not the time to renovate your entire life. It's the time to lay a little foundation. Trap number 3, isolation disguised as independence. I've got this on my own. I don't need meetings. I don't need a coach. I don't need to journal. I don't need to tell anyone. The honeymoon phase can trick you into thinking your willpower is enough. There is no such thing as willpower and self-control in early chemsex recovery. And here's why. You're not building support systems for who you are right now. You're building them for who you're going to be in week 7, exhausted, foggy, questioning everything, and one bad Grindr notification away from relapse. That version of you is going to need people. And if you don't set those connections up now, you won't have the energy or the motivation to build them later. Trap number 4. The substitute high. Watch what you reach for in the first 3 weeks. Some guys swap meth for alcohol. Some guys swap it for convulsive hookups without substances. Some guys swap it for shopping. Some guys swap it for obsessive work, obsessive fitness, obsessive anything that creates a dopamine spike. Your brain is looking for a replacement. It's been trained to expect massive neurochemical rewards. And now the rewards are gone. So it goes shopping for the next best thing, right? But not every replacement is dangerous, but the ones that mimic the pattern— intensity, secrecy, escalation, shame— that's just chemsex in a different packaging. So pay attention. Number 5, euphoric recall. It's already planting seeds even in week 1 while you're riding the high of your decision. Your brain is quietly editing Your history, softening the edges of the bad memories, the comedowns, and it's sharpening the good ones. In a few weeks, you won't remember the shame and the desperation of your last binge. And clearly, you won't remember the rush— you will remember, sorry, the rush of that first hit. This is not character flaw. It's not how bad you're doing. It's neurobiological. Your brain is literally designed to remember pleasure and minimize pain as a survival But in the context of meth addiction, the survival mechanism isn't trying to kill you. The work you do now to document the truth, the real, unedited, ugly truth of your using, what you've lost, that's your weapon. That's the weapon you're building for a fight. Hasn't started yet. It's a preemptive strike. I have a video on euphoric recall. I'll put that link in the description. Show notes as well. All right, so here's the strategy. I don't believe in white-knuckling through recovery. I believe in proactive planning, building systems that carry you when your motivation begins to fail. Here's your strategy for week 1 through week 3. Write the letter now while you're feeling strong and clear. Write a letter to your future self, not the version of you that's riding this high, the version of you in week 7 who's sitting in his apartment at 11:00 PM, phone in hand, wondering if just this once would be so Tell that version of you the truth. Describe in vivid, unflinching detail what your last use looked like. The shame, the consequences, the person you saw in the mirror after, the promises you broke. Don't sanitize it. Don't be poetic. Be brutal. Be honest. Then tell that version of you why you stopped. Not the reasons that sound good to other people. The real reasons. The ones that make your chest really tight when you think about them. This letter isn't a nice to have. This is a lifeline. Better than that, make a video to yourself. Telling you, you've heard me say this. Make a post-relapse video. Watch it every day for 90 days. You're not gonna use. Number 2, build the container. This is the time while you have the energy to set up every structural support you can think of. Get an accountability partner, establish a check-in schedule. Not, I'll reach out when I need to, but we talk every Tuesday and every Thursday at 7:00 PM. No exceptions. Change your phone number. Yes. Your number is a direct line to your using network, and in a moment of weakness, the convenience, the access of that, of the, the convenience of that access, sorry, will override your willpower every fucking time. Delete and block apps, contacts, social media, not because you're weak, but because you're strategic. An executive doesn't leave the vault unlocked and rely on willpower not to steal. Set up your week. Structure is your best friend in early recovery. Every hour that's unplanned is an hour your brain can fill with old patterns. Meetings, gym, therapy, cooking, walking— fill the calendar. Number 3, study your patterns. Use this high-functioning time to do the analytical work. Pull out a piece of paper and map your typical relapse cycle from previous attempts. What week did I usually relapse? What time of day? What day of the week? What were— what was I feeling? What had happened in the hours before? What story did I tell That made it seem okay. You're not doing this to feel bad. You're doing it because your relapse pattern is a dataset, and data gives you power. When you can predict the danger zone, you can plan for it. Number 4, prepare for the drop. Tell your accountability partner, tell your therapist, your coach, in a few weeks, I'm gonna feel different than I do right now. I'm going to need you to remind me of this conversation. This is one of the most important things you can do in the honeymoon phase. You're essentially leaving breadcrumbs for your future self, placing people and systems along the path That can remind you where you're going when you inevitably will lose sight of it. Number 5, start small with this rebuild. I know you wanna transform your entire life now. Don't. Pick 1 or 2 foundational habits and commit to them. Maybe it's getting to 1 meeting a day or going to the gym 3 times a week. Maybe it's a daily check-in with your accountability partner. Maybe it's a nighttime journal entry. Whatever you choose, make it sustainable. Make it boring. Make it something you can do on your worst day, not your best day. Because the goal isn't to build a life that's impressive in week 2, it's to build a life that's still standing in week 12. All right, so the next video in this series, we're gonna dive deep into the epiphany phase. That's week 4 through 6. That's when the initial excitement settles into something deeper and you start seeing yourself very clearly, maybe for the first time in your life. It's beautiful, it's terrifying, and I'll show you how to navigate it without letting the breakthroughs destabilize you. For now though, your only job is to be here. In this phase with this energy and to use every ounce of it to prepare for what's coming. Because this feeling of honeymoon, it's not gonna last. And that's not failure. That's the design of your system. This upward spiral is the path and you just stepped onto it. Let's enjoy the ride. All right. Hope you enjoy. See you next week.