Dallas Bragg contracted HIV from a dirty needle and describes the "death wish phase" that follows an HIV diagnosis: men abandon responsibilities, intensify drug use and risky sex, and spiral into hopelessness. He says the only thing that worked for him was immediate detox and rehab in a structured environment.
After I contracted HIV from both being paused and a dirty needle on the same night, I stopped using meth for about 4 months. But some guys that I work with have the opposite reaction. So when they find out that they have HIV, they go into what I call the death wish phase. The death wish phase is when you spiral. That's when you just don't give a fuck. Fuck about your responsibilities or who you hurt or who you fuck or what happens to you. Often this is if you have been trying not to slam, you start slamming. Whatever it is that you've been holding yourself back from, you let yourself go, and it's, it's a hopeless place to be. I wish I had an answer for the solution when you're in this phase, but For me, the only thing I have found that works when I have been in it myself or have helped men is that get to a detox ASAP, get to a rehab ASAP, get somewhere where you can be contained and constrained because so much damage can be done, not just physically but mentally and spiritually during the death wish phase.
