EP 1:40: Freak Between the Sheets: Sexual Health & Harm Reduction

Hey y'all, this week's podcast is dense. It's chock-full of information as I continue to seek out professionals in the field to provide us with the most up-to-date and real-time data that I can. Christopher, the guest, is a healthcare professional with all kinds of letters behind his name. A portion of our discussion though that I want to highlight is harm reduction. Guys, if you choose to continue to party, please consider using all of the tools and resources out there to use safely. Aren't you tired of repeated STIs? And of course, now with PrEP, you're safe from contracting HIV, and you have an injectable PrEP so you don't have to remember it every day. But beyond that, I talk about a toolkit I've advised guys to use, and that includes Biotene spray to keep the gums hydrated. Look, it isn't just smoking meth that damages the teeth, y'all. It's dehydration of the body. And of course, there are fentanyl strips, needle exchanges, etc., etc. The point here is that some of us require a gradual decline out of Active addiction. And I want you to know that it's perfectly fine if that's the case for you. Some guys use less each time, or they use for less days, or they watch PNP porn instead of going out, or they go on Zoom instead of going out, etc. Look, recovery is a process for some. It isn't always cold turkey. And I believe recovery begins Once you make a decision in your heart to stop, everything after that is the journey. Relapses and harm reduction techniques are points along that journey. This isn't the case for everybody, of course, but there is enough guilt and enough shame being passed around out there already. So if lessening use and taking harm reduction precautions are what works for you, then do it. And don't you allow anyone to make you feel guilty about it. All right, enjoy the episode. To the listeners who are family members, you cannot make someone get help. Like, you cannot— if they're not asking for help, pushing help on them typically does not work in my experience. Okay, so that's the first part. Welcome to The Aftermath Podcast. This is your host, Dr. Dallas Bragg, a former crystal meth addict, now sobriety coach. Join me on my mission to increase awareness around the epidemic of crystal meth among the gay male population and create a repository of resources for current and past addicts, as well as and especially for their loved ones. This is The Aftermath. Trigger warning, this podcast will contain discussions pertaining to drug and alcohol misuse. If you feel triggered to use or relapse, please call SAMHSA's National Hotline at 1-800-662-HELP. Also, if you are new in your sobriety journey and you feel like you could be triggered by discussions around drug, alcohol, and sex misuse, please Please do not listen to this podcast. All right, now on with the show. Hey y'all, welcome back to the After Myth Podcast. If you're watching on YouTube, I look very different today. My bald head and weird blue glasses that I found in lost and found. I cannot keep up with fucking readers, um, so I just find random ones ever all around. But you know what, it matches today, matches my little rainbow shirt. Um, So if you're not watching on YouTube, just imagine me bald with blue glasses. Um, we are today talking, um, to Christopher Hetzer. Christopher Hetzer is a friend of mine who, guess what, I made on TikTok. TikTok just brings the world together, doesn't it? It does, all over the world. All over the world. But, uh, Christopher and I have, uh, gotten to know each other. I enjoy his TikTok. Uh, immensely. Um, and we're going to talk today about HIV and meth and, uh, all kinds of highly intelligent and, uh, topics about healthcare and, and self-care. Um, and you'll find out more about that. But before we get started, if you are enjoying the podcast, I do ask that you please rate and review. You can rate the podcast on Spotify, Apple, wherever you listen, Amazon. You can review it on Apple Um, you can also find us on YouTube. You can leave comments there. We'd like to start a discussion, uh, on YouTube. That would be great. But you could also like, subscribe, and share the video on YouTube as well. I'd really like to see you sharing episodes on your social media, and if you could tag me in it, we could do a— thinking about doing the contest or something fun like that to get people incentivized to share the podcast on their social media because there are a lot of people out there who really need to hear this podcast. There's honestly not another podcast out there like it that I can find that specifically addresses, uh, meth, meth in the, uh, with among men who have sex with men, uh, world and, and, and helps, helps that that segment of the population. Sorry, I'm not— I've had a rough morning. My brain is not firing right now. But there's not a lot of podcasts like this out here. So the more that you share it, it gets it into the right hands. And we're not talking just about people who are using meth, who want to stop, or people who are using meth and want to learn more about it. We're talking about family members. So I call them LOMAs, loved ones of meth addicts. So we have family members who are out there desperately trying to understand why their uncle, brother, partner, dad, son is disappearing for a week at a time, and what exactly is he facing as a meth addict. And so this is not just for the meth addicts, it's for the family members and the loved ones who really want to understand the nuances of this very specific addiction. So that being said, Christopher. Could you introduce yourself to us, please?

Yeah, uh, so my name is Christopher Hetzer. I am a nurse of 15 years, and I have recently created a TikTok called Freak Between the Sheets to kind of break down the stigmas, um, around sexual health and harm reduction when it comes to substance use. And that was, um, I guess inspired by my personal life journey where I talk about my childhood bullying that ended up me landing on an operating table and then being suppressed to act a certain way as a young gay kid and then getting into my young adult life into college, finding a group of gays that introduced me to substances and they were highly professionals like doctors, lawyers, nurses. And for the first time I was— I felt accepted and wanted to be around. So I was pretty susceptible to wanting to stick with the crowd. And that— then the trauma of that meth use then carried into my marriage to where then we experienced everything from violence Because we were injecting it for up to 2 and a half years of our life together. And then the trauma of that then carried over into my recovery phase. And so I've just been talking out loud, just promoting education, awareness, so that way people know they're not the only one. Because I know it's a pretty dark chapter, dark time, uh, when people are experiencing a new diagnosis of HIV while trying to get their mind back on track from substance use. Uh, so it's— I don't have all the answers. I have the experience, and I do feel that talking about it and putting it out there helps create paths to healthy lives.

Hmm. Thank you. Thank you. Uh, well, we'd usually do a wellness check-in. I want to, I want to dive in, um, deep into what you're saying, but, uh, let's do a quick wellness check-in. How are you feeling today?

Well, today I, uh— September was my 10-year anniversary for getting off of meth and my diagnosis with HIV. Uh, so September was pretty like a high for me. Uh, October, I've started a new job. There's a lot of moving pieces, so Um, it— I'm gonna say I'm in the yellow. I'm cool, things are going, it's a, it's an okay stress. Um, but I'm just kind of seeing how the cards shuffle or lay and, um, pick a path forward. So it's not a red, not a green, we're, we're happy.

Yeah, well, congratulations on 10 years sober. So you, 10 years sober from meth and 10 years with an HIV diagnosis, does that mean that When you got your HIV diagnosis, it stopped your use?

No, I— so I use September because that's when I hit my own personal rock bottom. And a lot of events happened throughout September. And I— my rock bottom was I had to resign from the job that I had so much pride in. I worked in the neuro ICU. And they didn't know I was using substances. I was just tardy a lot or I missed work and it finally caught up with me. And the manager and I are still Facebook friends and we still get coffee from time to time. And she just like, patients thankfully weren't harmed. And I could, I was high functioning because it's pretty intense that I was up for 4 days in a row. Injecting meth and still working in an ICU situation. So it's— I— so yeah, I— when I was asked to resign from my job that day, I had no income. I started freaking out. The person that I was living with at the time was also in a drug-induced psychosis. And so there was a lot of physical violence and the police were called. And that was Pretty impactful because I knew I had fucked up. And after that ordeal my parents came in to kind of help lessen the severity of it. And I just remember looking out my back window seeing my mom with her head between her knees just crying. And like me being a mama's boy like I— Shit had hit the fan. And after a few months, I was able to survey the battlefield of destruction that I had created. And I was tens and tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. I had to sell my home, work through a divorce, handle a diagnosis of HIV, lost respect in my family, had to drop out of school. And then all of my friends, because I had self-isolated due to the substance use, that I really had no friends I could lean in on. And it was just a very lonely, isolating, dark time. And I'm thankful that my rock bottom was different. I was more devastated financially, but my health was still decent and okay. Granted, I stayed off of meth. And started my antivirals. And I had watched my uncle die from complications of AIDS, so that was a huge push to make sure that I was staying on top of my health. And then when I wasn't granted the honor being the godfather of my niece and nephew, that was kind of the nail on the coffin that that was something I was hoping to be and would have taken a lot of pride in. So it's, yeah, there was a lot of my rock bottom. I'm lucky that I didn't end up in an ICU intubated, like I've known some people, or worse, fatal. But it was my own personal, and it hurt.

Yeah. Well, that's a lot. I mean, you might not think it's a rock bottom. That's That's a ton that you had to work through.

Yes. And that I do want to emphasize for those who are the loved ones of a substance user, that, that time of someone who is getting off of said substance, the support, love, grace is needed because that is the most vulnerable time where people go back to and relapse. Because it's such an overwhelming weight that someone is trying to come to terms with because they're ashamed, they're guilty. I mean, no one wants to handle tens of thousands of dollars of credit card debt, try to find a job, get your life back on track.

Like, it's—

so the loved ones, set your boundaries and hold to them because you got to keep your health and your mental health safe. But no, the person that is getting their life back on track, they are getting their hormones back to normal levels. They are dealing with withdrawals, the stigma and the isolation, the loneliness. And it's just a lot to juggle. And it's no reason a lot of people relapse because it's lonely and no one wants to be there.

Mm-hmm. So much that I want to circle back to, but I wanted— I want to jump on this in terms of— this is a big question that I get from family members all the time. What can I do, right, to support? Um, now there's 2 questions here. One is, how can I get them to stop, or how can I get help from them? And, and here's the thing I'll say to you if you're listening. I always say that. I need to stop saying, if you're listening. You are listening if you're hearing this. To the listeners who are family members, um, you cannot make someone get help. Like, you cannot. If they're not asking for help, pushing help on them typically does not work in my experience. Okay, so that's the first part. But the second part is, how do I support them? Without, uh, without enabling them, right? I think there's— to me, there's this fine line in there of being there, offering love and support, however, not enabling their drug addiction. So do you have any tips for Lomas who need to know, like, and, and use their discernment on when they've— when they're doing too much?

I And I do feel that— I hate the word recovery and addicts, but I'm going to use recovery. I feel that those who are in the immediate phase of recovery need healthy boundaries. And I think any money that a loved one gives to that person who's had substance use needs to be directly towards rent, A car payment, food, or whatever that agreement looks like. In my case, my parents, they cleaned out my old room. Well, they cleaned out a room and created a place to where I could just be quiet and safe. I didn't need quiet because my brain was so loud that I needed some sort of distraction, but But my parents said that you will not do drugs in this house, and if you do, you're out. That one branch of the family tree is not going to rot the whole tree. And so, but I needed money, I needed food, I needed a place to stay, and my parents created rules. I thankfully didn't test those boundaries to where I knew I'd fucked up. So it's— I'm a very stubborn person to where I knew if I have to get my life back on track, I'm moving forward. And I know some people aren't. They need a few more pick-me-ups. And so I do— if it is agreed upon to where you need to do drug tests like after You need to do a Sunday morning drug test as a boundary to keep the mental health of the loved ones and accountability of the one who's using substances. And if that's agreed upon, then fine, hold to it. You can get a lot of drug tests on Amazon to where you just pee in a cup and do a self-home test. And I didn't have to do that, but my parents said, you're going to therapy and you're going to talk to someone. And that was a non-negotiable. So if I had to miss, there had to be a good reason. And one reason that I missed one is because I was selling my house and I had to be present at the— with the realtor and stuff. But then there was an immediate rescheduling and an accountability that I was going to go to that one. So I have realistic expectations. You can't always go to therapy 100% of the time because life is lifing, and when shit's hitting the fan, you're gonna have to pivot multiple times. Now, if there's a repeated action that they are missing constant AA meetings, if that's a route that wants to be taken, or a Crystal Meth Anonymous group, uh, or if even church is a healthy place for the family, If saying you're going to church with us every weekend, and that is something that the person who's using substance that's important to them, then have that destination of time, that meeting point as an accountability piece. And I'm not a church person, but I know some people are, and it brings a centering and a peace of mind. So that's why I lean into religion for some people. It was not mine. And so there isn't a clear-cut answer and I'm kind of doing my tangents that I do. But I— my parents knew me as their son. They knew what— nature is important and grounding to me. So they knew if I was going out on a long walk that I was probably hiking or going to the closest park. And that I needed to be home before sunset. And that was my accountability piece. So just lean into the personality of those who are using substances and find— help them kind of find their inner child, because that's something I wish I would have spent more time in when I first was getting my life back on track. Things that make that person happy, because finding what is happy is going to keep someone wanting to keep moving forward in a positive direction. I wish I would have heard, "I forgive you," more than "I don't know" or "I don't believe you," because I I needed someone to have faith in me and that I would be able to get my life back on track and. I didn't want them to have unrealistic expectations, but I just wanted to hear someone have faith in me or believe that I was going to go to the next therapy meeting or I was going to keep continuing to make the healthier choices. And, but don't— those who have used substances, we can't take advantage of that. And of that Having faith or that forgiveness. We have to do the work and have that accountability on ourselves. We should not put that burden on other people. Our triggers, our needs to be our healthiest selves are our accountability and no one else's. And if we are given the grace and the resources to get our life back on track, we have to have that ownership and making sure we're doing what's right to not disrespect Those who are like going out on a limb for us. So yeah, I I don't know if I have a straight answer on what is the best way for a loved one to hold accountability. I do caution with just freely handing money just because mom can you send me some cash on Venmo? There needs to be, I will send money to your landlord so you have a roof over your head, or here, we're going to the grocery store together so I know that money's going towards food, until a new relationship has that trust to where then there could be a little bit more extending the leash.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

So it's— so yeah, with the loved ones, just have your boundaries and stick to them. Because the moment a boundary is pushed an inch or two, it's just going to create an inch or two more and more with each conversation. So it's— I don't know if I answered the question, but it's a very dynamic response.

It is.

Everyone's individual when it comes to their own cleaning up phase and getting their life back on track. And I—

Yeah.

I, I've helped clean up literally people's houses who had just been kicked out by their landlord and they have nowhere to go. And as soon as we got all of their stuff back boxed up and into a storage, They were fine hooking up with a Grindr hookup to go smoke some Tina. And I'm like, I literally just spent 3 hours of my life boxing this stuff up for you, and you have just pretty much disrespected me for— like, what are you gonna do? You need to be sleeping so you can start like figuring out what the next steps are for your life, not going to hook up and numb yourself.

Yeah.

But I also understand that overwhelming feeling of why He did it because it's a lot to swallow.

Yeah, yeah. And you know what meth does to your brain in terms of turning you into this sex zombie? Yeah, is that you're not letting your brain heal enough, and suddenly that's all, you know, you're a one-track mind sometimes. That's all you can think about, whatever's in front of you. That's all you can think about, you know. With the day— it's funny you mentioned that because the day I was evicted Um, I, I couldn't fathom that it was happening, even though I had somehow— I wrote a— I created a check. I printed out a check and had it cashed. It was such a fake fucking check, I don't even know why they cashed it. And to get my furniture moved out— so my furniture had been moved out, but the day of, the, the sheriff and the landlord, like, They knew I was confused, I guess, but they had their arms around me like, you have to leave now. Like, this is over. But I was still on Grindr trying to find a place to— not to go and party, but also because, oh, okay, well, if this place is gone, oh well, I'm just gonna go to my next, you know, hookup. So— You're, you're, you're taken over by the, the chemical. In this case, so thank you. No, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer when it comes to when, you know, what families have to do or what they can do to support their loved one in this case. And, you know, setting strong boundaries and keeping them is such good advice. But many times, you know, the scenario is they've set the boundaries and he keeps breaking them. Over and over and over. And then at what point do you say, you've got to go, right? You have to go and figure this out on your own. And so those are really hard decisions. Sorry. That's okay. I was just saying those are really hard decisions.

Yeah. I've also encouraged family members who I'm going to say haven't been as jaded or as burned as some other family members to consider going to Therapy themselves, because talking to a neutral person is going to help them maintain that accountability piece and those personal boundaries, and give them a strength that they may need to help their loved one. And I, I know that's putting extra on the loved one's shoulders, but it's also protecting them. And because recovery. Recovery is a journey and it takes a village. And, um, and so I— the village needs to keep their head about them as they try to get the person, um, as safe as possible.

Thank you. So earlier you said something interesting, uh, that I want to unpack, and that is that you didn't like the word recovery or addict.

Yes.

So can you expand on that? Yes.

Um, I I do think initially recovery is an appropriate word. I find it very stigmatizing and isolating because I have found that 5 years after my substance use, I was feeling more like myself again. I felt more like myself a lot sooner, but I was ready to be more, find new friends, intermingle with people. And then when I told them my story, they assumed that all substances were off the table, that I couldn't go to the bar, I couldn't go hang out with friends because there's going to be alcohol there or marijuana. And so people put recovery or recovering addict or that person was an addict. Some people even say once an addict, always an addict. And it's just very limiting and isolating for people who abuse substances. And so I, I don't smoke marijuana. I will admit I've tried it, an edible, and I thought I was dying. So I left that over there. But I do drink alcohol. And yes, I'm mindful that I'm not watching. I'm very mindful of where That might take me, but, but I have been able and I've created boundaries with myself to know I can go out to the bars, hang out with people if I want to, go to a house party and be able to differentiate that alcohol is an okay substance for me. But I can't ever do meth again. And I can't be in a situation where meth is around. Excuse me. So it's— I found that people were not inviting me to places or monitoring their communications because they had put that stereotype on me and that stigma on me. And so after 5 years, I knew I was never going to touch meth again. And I know they say never say never, but— I'm not touching that again. I lost way too much. And so I don't consider myself still recovering. I think I have recovered. And I am not gonna say that I am still an addict because I am not staying up 5 days at a time injecting meth on every whichever hookup site trying to find the next dick. And I—

Hmm.

I'm past that stage, and I do feel that it was appropriate in the beginning. I do feel there's kind of a graduation phase where people have come to terms and have redefined their healthy boundaries, and I don't feel like I'm recovering still. I mean, I've rebuilt my whole life. I finished my bachelor's, my master's. I'm in a healthier relationship. I am not addicted to anything, and I've rebounded financially, thank God, because that was the worst time of my life. I've been able to plan nice vacations to reward myself. So it's— I'm not recovering anymore. I am now past recovering. I am healing, and I am making sure that that past trauma and pain hasn't continued to resurface in later parts of my life. So Um, I— and I don't like the format of 12 steps, even though when I reflected on my life, because I was right, I wanted to write a book, and as I reflected after that first year, like, my life literally followed the 12 steps. And I was so pissed that that happened. But, um, because I was so adamant that I didn't want a, um, a God-influenced 12-step program.

Yeah.

But it, it was funny that I was like, This is hilarious. There's, there's a good rhyme and reason to 12 steps. However you do it, with the 12 steps or not, whatever works for you. So that's my long answer for— yeah, why I'm not for the word recovery, especially those who are 20 years off of whatever substance. They're not recovering. They have recovered.

Right, right. Exactly, exactly. Well, I have to say, I agree with you on that. I don't know if you see my— any of my content, but content— but we are on the Same page on that. So thank you. So you are— you were talking about your, your rock bottom. You were working as a nurse apparently then, right? Um, you were like the 5th nurse I've met who was using while they're working as a nurse. I just find that fascinating because I couldn't do anything when I was using, especially slamming. Because you were saying that you and your husband were slamming together, right?

The person that I was living with. So I— oh, okay. My husband and I, we had— just to keep his privacy and stuff, that I don't really— I was married. I can't deny that. But I'm— I— yeah.

So, gotcha, gotcha. Um, okay, so, but now you are a nurse, former meth addict living with HIV. What is that like? Do you get questions? Do you— are you open about that? I mean, apparently you're going on the podcast, so apparently you are. But I mean, how is that met, uh, in the healthcare world with patients? Um, yeah, I'd like to know about that.

So first, I'd like to say healthcare professionals have the same percentage of addiction challenges As the general public.

Mm-hmm.

And so it's— and then when you put— let's see, if you were 18 and you got your associate's degree in nursing, and so now you're 20, maybe 21, where you're just now learning it's legal to drink alcohol, like, you're putting these young minds in life-or-death situations of people and I was seeing— I was sucking bugs out of people's lungs. I literally held a necrotic brain into someone's head, and that's like liquefied brain matter. I have been at the bedside where they have flayed people open, and we've had to put pressure on the liver because it was bleeding. And so I saw a lot of atrocities and nightmares as a young person. And so being third-generation nurse, my dad's a firefighter, mom's a nurse, my grandmother's a nurse, my dad's— or my brother's in the police department. So like I was destined to be in the civil service line. And so I had some idea of what I was getting into. But when you're doing that with your hands, you, you don't— the textbooks can't teach you that. And then I had a gift of helping people and family through the death and dying process to make it more comforting. And but that also put a lot of burden on me as a 20-something individual. And so I, I wanted to paint that picture of why nursing is very susceptible to coping mechanisms or substance use. Or whatever addiction, whether it be gambling, food, or whatever, like why healthcare professionals are very susceptible to that. Once I— because I— my safety net and who I knew I was, I had to cast a very public safety net to keep me in check. I don't recommend that because it comes with both negative and positive attention. You have to be very strong when the negative comes and those who like to manipulate and use your story. But it's— I'm a very image-forward person. It's a blessing and a curse. And a very— because I like public-facing positions when I'm using my nursing and education. So I There's been a couple of jobs to where I have been terminated. I've seen both negative and positive as a nurse leader, as a nurse. But my more challenging stigma or has been with the more senior leadership.

So— Mm-hmm.

That's where I say, if you're going to be public with your substance use or your diagnosis, you gotta be prepared and secure with the negative And positive limelight.

Yeah. So for those of us who are fuzzy, um, and I know this is part of what you do in your, your TikTok, give us some myths and some truths about how, as a nurse, you could possibly, uh, pass HIV on to a patient or, you know, or someone else around you.

So if I am an individual, and a lot of people take their HIV medications, they take it religiously and correctly, that they manage to be undetectable. And someone who is undetectable has 0% chance of spreading the virus to anyone else. And that could be through condomless sex, Blood on blood wound. It is very rare for someone to get HIV through kissing or French kissing, where there's that saliva. It's very rare, and because a lot of people still think that you can get HIV through kissing, and that's not the case. So, and then. And through blood transfusions, that there is so much testing that happens with blood that yes, it happened in the '80s and '90s, but it's— it doesn't happen nowadays through all the checks and balances that drug or blood tests have to go through. So it's now someone who is newly diagnosed. With— and their viral load is up, and we don't know how long they've had a viral load, technically there is a potential for transmission, but nursing is to follow universal protocol to where any bodily fluids are stopped by the personal protective equipment that nursing wears. And so a nurse is not going to give their patient HIV unless there was an intentional needle poke or some sort of bodily fluid that was inappropriately being handled. I don't know of any cases in modern times to where that has happened from a healthcare provider to a patient. I think it's very— I think those fears— I don't think— those fears are very much rooted in the stigmas around HIV. And I tell people when I'm talking with them that the stigma is more deadly than the virus itself. So nowadays, '80s and '90s, early 2000s, yes, the virus was still very much lethal, um, but it's not anymore today.

Yeah, yeah. Speaking of stigma, where do you see— what— how much work do you think needs to happen in— and I'm just talking about the, the gay community here, um, but how much work needs to happen to, to end or at least soften the stigma that's out there? Because I also live with HIV, and we've had— I've had Mark, um, well, shit, Mark, uh, he's huge in the uh, HIV industry. He writes, um, for POZ magazine. Um, for some reason his, his name is escaping me right now. But anyway, he came on the podcast too, and we talked about this idea of being asked, are you clean? You know, um, uh, guys who are negative not wanting to date, you know, the serosorting, that kind of thing. Um, what do you think has to happen in terms of education and stigma in our community?

I, from a community as a whole, and I'll narrow it down into the LGBT community, but as a whole we need— how here in Ohio there was a racism is a public health crisis, and there was downtown there were billboards, there were yard signs, and there was a huge push to make, bring forward that awareness. I feel that as a community, as a state, even as a nation, we need to have sexual health as a public crisis. We need to implement education sooner into our schools. And I think we even— if people go into college, there needs to be further work, whether it be incorporated into a class of sexual health. As the LGBTQI Two-Spirited community, there is a stigma with men who have sex with men, and that is for gay, bisexual, trans. If you are canoodling with noodles in any way, you need to protect your noodle. So, um, or if you are a person who doesn't have a noodle but canoodles with noodles, then You also need to consider yourself for some safety factors. But there is stigma in the Black and brown community that we don't talk about being gay and HIV, like God forbid if you were to get it. And then being queer, not identifying as gay or bi, you still are at risk. And so there, to fight the stigma, we need to dive deeper into the fears. And I have like 3 generations that we have. The generation that has lived through the HIV epidemic and saw the atrocities, the nightmares, going to a funeral multiple times a week, friends dying left and right. I can't even imagine what that would have felt like. Then we have the newer generation where all they have known is PrEP and more and are able to have a more expressive sexual persona. Then we have my generation that's in the middle and I call ourselves the bridge generation. I saw the tail end of the AIDS epidemic. I watched my uncle die from its complications. And I have seen the invention of PrEP and the newer medications for HIV treatment. And so I can see both sides here. I can see why the older generation is saying just throw on a condom because they were only taught or they were only able to have a condom or abstinence because there was an administration that wouldn't talk about it for 6 years. And now we have a generation like PrEP, doxy-PEP. We can have as much sex as we want, be protected. We have vaccines that protect ourselves, and there's more of that liberation. And I'm just seeing people stuck in the origin dark story or the dark origin story, and not wanting to come to terms with the reality of a fairy tale reality. And I use fairy tale as in. Where we are today with HIV treatment and management is a fairy tale compared to the '80s and '90s. No one was able to see how far the medications could go and how now people can live to full life expectancy, have their own kids. So huge jumps forward. And so what we need to do is come to terms that sex is a very human thing. We— it's not just for procreation. We do it for fun. We do it for intimacy, connecting with people. And I do feel that people who have multiple partners do have a genuine connection with someone. That's because sex is important. People say sex is sex. I still think there is a deeper subconscious that's going on there, but that's a whole other podcast. But we need to break down that stereotype of just throw on a condom. We have so many tools in our tool belt now that can keep people safe, that allow them to be more expressive of who they are and who they want to connect with. I do feel that in addition to the stigma around fear and education, we need to look into the hypermasculinity of the different generations. Because we had the hypermasculinity in the 1970s with Tom Holland, um, Finland, wow, uh, with the leather scene. And nothing against it, express yourself how you want. I— even if it's the most femboy, express how you want. That's not what I'm saying. But then we had the hypermasculinity in my generation of like I watched trans people get called names and put into a box. Those who appeared to be more feminine were kind of bottom shamed, slut shamed, and the term fuckboy came around and for different reasons being called a fuckboy, but someone who's owning their own sexuality was shunned. And now we have a new generation who are more in touch with their feminine side. Like, we're seeing the styles change. Guys are wearing dresses. That's okay. I— but now I'm also seeing the hyper-masculinity of the power bottom. However you want to get your dick or ass, get your dick or ass. I don't care. It's just there is a constant theme that I'm seeing that I'm just wondering where this hypermasculinity touch and I've been this is a topic I've been thinking about, so I don't have a clean answer. But I'm wondering if this hypermasculinity theme feeds into the stigmas that we are. Still seen today around those who do have receptive sex. That is the masculinity trying to cover up feelings that are subconscious or conscious of embracing the more receptive role. And so there's a lot of weird themes that I— are not weird, a lot of correlating themes that I think we as a gay bisexual men who have sex with men community need to reflect on is, are we coming to sexual health with preconceived stigmas and notions? Or are we actually approaching these topics unbiased, open-minded, and considering all the tools in our tool belt?

Are you saying that the hypermasculinity, the contemporary version of that is a power bottom?

No, not— I've seen like in porn and kind of like you have the hairier, bigger, 6-foot-2.

Oh, okay.

Hyper-masculine.

And then like being gangbanged or something. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like Raw Fuck Club or whatever in the porn. Okay. All right. Gotcha. Yeah, it's interesting.

I think it's our need to because Gay people, people who have sex with men, kind of get that stigma like they aren't a man because men don't have sex with men. And I think that counterattack is, no, I am man enough and I can be still a man and still have a dick up my ass and be okay. And so it's— and it is. I'm not saying it isn't. I'm just bringing to light themes that could encourage that when gay people— when you see that gay person who is hypermasculine, there can be a stigma around those who are receptive and a judgment. So, and which will then hinder— we have stigma around sex. It keeps people from getting tested. It keeps people from getting their medications or getting treated. Uh, for a sexual or an STI.

So, okay. So, all right, so stigma around that, around this— okay, so I'm hypermasculine because I can take a huge dick, right? Or, or 2 dicks, right? Or whatever. Um, so that stigma around that would cause him to— cause that person to maybe not get tested, is what you're saying? Like, and not feel like they have to?

There, there, I've read in some articles that, again, I don't have a clean answer for this.

Yeah. Yeah.

That the hypermasculinity approach creates a stigma around those who are feminine.

And— Oh, okay.

And then it creates a lot of uncomfortable tension and stigma, and it helps— then that stigma itself, whether it be I don't need to get tested because only the bottoms need to get tested, or because I'm feeling judged either by the community or my healthcare provider. I don't want to go into a doctor's office to get screened or to get treated or to consider I also have an STI until it's too late, because once you have it, there's no refuting it.

Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay. All right, what is bottom shaming in prep slut?

So bottom shaming is when it's perceived as a feminine role to be a bottom in the men who have sex with men category. And with it, so, and it is then also seen if you are going from person to person bottoming a lot, that you're perceived as a slut or you get around, or chances are you have some sort of STI because you're getting around so much. And so you had the Descovy or Truvada whores, I think Truvada whores, which is a form of PrEP. And I use the term PrEP sluts because there's 3 different versions of PrEP. that prevent HIV transmission. So I said PrEP sluts, and as in those who have decided to be on a medication to prevent them from getting HIV empowers— people think it empowers them to be promiscuous and go from person to person without thinking the consequences.

Mm-hmm.

And I— that Mentality, calling someone a prep slut, a Truvada whore, bottom shaming them perpetuates the stigma that just because someone is taking the initiative to protect themselves does not make them into a slut or doesn't make them promiscuous. If a person does, then we need to empower them to take the medications to keep themselves as healthy as possible. It's It's just interesting, and I've seen it with older generations using kind of that mentality or generalization to where you should just throw on a condom or be in a meaningful relationship. We now are able to express ourselves a little bit more freely sexually, and we have a lot more tools to keep us safe. And just because People are doing that does not make them uneducated or not concerned about their health. I hope I explained that correctly.

Yeah, yeah, I think so. Um, okay, so let's talk about a little bit about harm reduction. You mentioned the harm reduction earlier. Um, if you are using— like, so there's some guys that are listening to this who are still going to use, right? I mean, they're, they're still using Um, they haven't stopped yet, and if they're going to use, we want them to be safe, right? And so I would say one of the things that happens is that when, when PrEP— I, I'm just now learning that PrEP, it comes in other forms. So I thought that PrEP was a daily pill only. Um, you know, I don't need to take it, so I don't know anything about it. But what happens when you are an active meth user is that days turn into weeks and you, you get discombobulated and forget, uh, to take your medication, right? And so I know we have an injectable, um, HIV, a viral med now, but I didn't know we had injectable PrEP is what you're saying earlier. So what are some things we can do if we're going to use to protect our sexual health, um, if we're out there losing track of time?

So first, the more immediate way for— and I'm a nurse that I swore to do no harm. Going through my life experience, I've now said, how do we do less harm?

Yeah.

And I just think the healthcare profession needs to hone in on how do we do less harm. So when it comes to substance use, because there's a lot of fentanyl that's being laced within meth, MDMA, ketamine. Not so much with marijuana, just because— not— it's not laced with marijuana just because of the burning marijuana causes it to get destroyed. So when it's laced, like when fentanyl is laced with meth, I strongly encourage people to get fentanyl test strips. To test to see if there is any type of fentanyl in their substances. That is the immediate because you can die immediately from fentanyl overdose.

Yep.

It's unintentional. No one is looking to die from it, but it happens. And that needs to be a real conversation that you have with yourself and those you use substances with to have Narcan available and fentanyl test strips. A lot of fire departments, a lot of public health departments have these resources available for free. So I encourage you to, and there's no judgment. They want to keep people alive. They want to create that trusting relationship so you feel comfortable going to them with other issues.

Mm-hmm.

And I do wanna say that meth is not talked about like the opioid fentanyl crisis.

Yeah.

Get one is huge, but we also need to talk about why meth is destroying our community. I'm putting it out there, so I thank you for that. When it comes to sexual health harm reduction, vaccines are a great way to reduce harm and cancers, like your Gardasil shot for HPV. It stops 7 cancers and 2 wart types of HPV. And it's great.

What is that again?

Gardasil. It's, um, for HIV. Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Um, and so get your mpox vaccine, get your flu shot, COVID shot, anything that you can with vaccines. I'm a huge component for when it comes to HIV specifically. Um, if you are already diagnosed with HIV, there are different medications from pills to injectables to keep yourself undetectable. When it comes to those who are HIV negative and want to prevent them from getting HIV, you can take Truvada or Descovy, which is a pill every day, or the new one is Apretude, which is an injectable that you— it's a— it would be a monthly injection until you get established and get that loading dose, and then it becomes an every other month. Regimen. And what's great about injectables, I am personally, I will swallow a pill every day. I'm, I, and that's just my preference. But for those who are kind of living in the here and now or are using substances to where they might forget, injectables are a great alternative to where you only have to put it on your calendar every other month And it covers you. And it is just as effective as the swallowing the pill. And you have more— you have a 2-week window of when you need to get back in into the doctor's office. So let's just say 2 months go by and you had a bender and you were up for 4 days and you missed that one appointment. You have a whole week to make that and to get into the appointment. without having any side effects or risk for further harm.

Okay, okay. And also, so if I, if I were to create— so here's the thing about when you're in active addiction, meth addiction, is we all are familiar with the, the whore bag we carry, right? I mean, we're going to have a bag with all of our— wherever Our charger. Of course we have to have our charger for our phones because we're going to have Grindr. Um, probably, probably a change of clothes, right? Our poppers, our lube. Uh, so I, I used to have Biotene spray to keep my gums hydrated, a jug of water. You know, there's things that you, you will not forget if you're hopping from house to house. So why not include some of these? Fentanyl test strips, right? Where do I get those?

So I— here in Ohio, I like the health department. There's quite a few LGBT HIV, um, clinics that have them for free, uh, and every festival, the fire department, um, and different clinics and health departments will have booths out at these festivals handing out this stuff. You just sign a waiver, give them the zip code so they can kind of monitor where the— just kind of have an idea of where the hotspots are to promote further advertisement for health and getting resources into those communities. It's not to track or get negative or to penalize people. But I would encourage, if you live in Texas, Look in Austin or Houston, the more populated areas, like, for those HIV LGBT clinics, because they're going to have them. Um, so on a national level, I don't know if there is an actual national organization, but there's a lot of federal funding that's going to state organizations that are pushing out the Narcan and the fentanyl test strips. So I, I— implore people to do a Google search in their area, uh, free fentanyl test strip. Um, or if you are needing them now, talk to, um, the fire department, um, because I know a lot of fire departments have them too, or at least a resource to get you there.

Right, right. Um, fentanyl test strips, Narcan. The other thing too that I've seen um, are little locked cases that are tamper-proof. That's where you want to put your wallet and, you know, your, your belongings in, because in this community there's a lot of theft. So that's, that's a separate issue, but, uh, that's what I think about. Um, the— so the, the guard— the guards— sorry, Gardasil shot?

Yes. Mpox.

Flu shot, COVID shot, all of that. So, and then get injectable PrEP, guys, so that you only have to worry about it every other month. Injectable medication for your HIV. This is, this is being smart about it. And then I think a final option on here would be the, um, DoxyPEP, right?

Yep.

DoxyPEP.

Yeah.

Can you, can you talk to us about that? Yeah.

So DoxyPEP is, has been relatively newer to, uh, the game. And it allows— where PrEP is like the Plan B for pregnancy in the HIV world, PrEP is kind of this— or doxy-PEP is the same as PrEP in that it's prevent— I misspoke. Let me backtrack a little bit. So doxy-PEP, you can take within 72 hours after any encounter. Um, and whether that be oral, vaginal, um, uh, anal, uh, type sex, where it is going to decrease—

Vaginal? No, I'm just joking. Right.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Um, just to where if you take it within 72 hours, it decreases your chance of getting chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis. Now gonorrhea is a little bit trickier It's not as effective for gonorrhea. It's about 60-65% in prevention, but with chlamydia and syphilis, it's between 80 and 85% protection. So it's not 100%, but it is a level of form to create a barrier to keep yourself safe. And people are a little afraid with resistance. And that's why your doctor is going to monitor how much you're using, if you're using it appropriately. So keep an open and honest form of communication with your provider so that they can guide you correctly.

Okay.

Personally, I— the same naysayers about doxy-PEP I have read articles are the same people that were against PrEP in the beginning because they thought PrEP was going to create mutations or with HIV. So I see a lot of similar conversations by the same naysayers.

Mm-hmm.

But doxycycline is a safe antibiotic that when taken appropriately, it will keep you more safe. Doxycycline has been used for years and years for acne, psoriasis, a lot of things that people— a lot of other conditions that people take this medication every day. But doxy-PEP is only taken one pill, 200 milligrams, within 72 hours after an encounter. You can take it multiple days. Like, if let's say you had a hookup Monday night and Tuesday night but not Wednesday, you can take it Monday, Tuesday, and be fine.

Okay, but you could take— I mean, you could still take it on Wednesday. I mean, 72 hours after.

Yeah, within 72 hours.

Yeah. Okay. All right, so that should be part of the— that should be part of your, your whore pack, you know, is that after your, after your parties, take a doxy-PEP. I mean Just a little tic-tac-toe. Yeah, yeah. You know, I didn't know what this was. I got a— my doctor gave me a prescription of it because by July of this year, 2024, I had had sex with one person. Um, I'm proud to say, for the first time in my life. Um, and that one person, I got syphilis. And, and so I just— I came into the doctor's office and I was like, something's on me, something's on my, you know, my back. And she was like, that's syphilis. I was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. I was like, you're talking to the old Dallas. This is the new Dallas. I've had sex with one person. And she was like, it only takes one, you know. And she was, she was right. Um, but she said, I'm writing you doxy-PEP. I was like, okay. I just thought, I don't know, I just, I didn't have no idea. So I have a whole bottle of it. Um, but what a great, what a great advancement. to— because, you know, if you're, you're familiar with the, the meth scene, you're constantly getting STIs. I mean, gonorrhea, chlamydia, all the, all the, all the good ones, right? Syphilis, um, genital warts, I don't know, all the rest of them. So, um, yeah. So tell us a little bit about Freak Between the Sheets, your TikTok channel. What is it? What if I were to tune into your TikTok channel? What am I looking at? What am I looking for? What am I getting?

It is a hodgepodge Personal stories to trending audio. I have— if there is a trending dance, I will do the dance, but I add an educational or stigma-breaking component to it. Like one of the first ones I did that got a million views, I was so surprised.

Wow.

a year and a half ago, it was like, but I'm a princess too. And it's some Disney show that was trending. And I just did, um, I have, I have HIV. And then the back voices are talking about, but don't you sleep with a lot of people? And it was a lot of— it broke down the stigma. And so I'll do something like that. Um, I will do— there's like the Left-right dance. And I did that with signs and symptoms, treatments for, uh, and different types of STIs that just compared information for awareness.

Mm-hmm.

And then others are a monologue of me talking about, um, the fairy tale reality versus the dark origin story, or my own personal sexual assault, uh, experiences to where I was intentionally put into a K-hole by someone, or Some people.

And what is a K-hole?

So K-hole is when someone gives you too much ketamine, which is a tranquilizer. At the time, I was not drug naive, but I was naive to ketamine. And so I didn't know what a healthier dose looked like. And yeah, I just, I will remember those 3 phases to where My jaw felt like it was over on one side of the room, and my arms were on the other sides of the room, and I couldn't move but let them do what they wanted to me. And yeah, and so it was—

I—

yeah, it was a vulnerable moment that I speak about. But I also talk about my first HIV/AIDS patient, TK, and how we watched Spaceballs together. Uh, so it, it has a hodgepodge of a lot of things. And here recently I teamed up with a local embroidery company called Mr. Seams, and he, he's the I Leave Breadcrumbs, or, um, AKA Hat Daddy on TikTok. And he has some fun, like, embroidery patterns that he does, but he wants He's teaming up with me to do a branch called Daddy Seams, uh, to wear one of my logos, um, that I'm wearing today. And also the peach will have Freak and the eggplant had, um, Sheets. So I have 2 different logo versions.

Wow.

And I would love to get it on jockstraps and hats to host at, um, some local bars, um, that have like jock night, uh, just to promote Sexual health conversation, not punitive, like you should be wearing condoms, you should be— I am not a condom pusher. I am a let's talk about doxy-PEP, PrEP, HIV treatments, fentanyl test strips, um, because get your freak on. Like, we're gonna do it.

Get your freak on. Right, exactly. Have you heard of these— this is a weird thing to bring up, but these people that suggest, uh, giving a blowjob with a condom on? Does that happen?

Actually, say that again. I missed it.

Has there— there's these things that I've seen that suggest that if you give a blowjob, make sure the guy's wearing a condom.

Um, so there— yes, because there is potential for getting syphilis, chlamydia, or gonorrhea. So they're used to— there still are dental dams, which is like a latex sheet that you can It's like laying a picnic blanket down over an asshole before you eat it.

It—

to me, it's weird because then it's like you have that film feeling on your face. But so people are advocating to wear a condom when giving a blowjob. Yeah, prevent STI transmission.

I mean, I'd rather not do it at all.

Right. I—

right.

I find it weird. Some people might have a kink to it. And by all means, do you. Uh, but I, I like the more natural side of sex. Um, and so yeah, but, uh, I forgot where I was gonna go.

Sorry, I took it in the wrong— I took it in a weird direction. Um, yeah, I just, I, I just, I saw that and I was like, yeah. And I did see the dental dam thing. Yeah. Um, yeah, so let me ask you, Christopher, what have I missed today? What have I not asked you that that we probably plan to talk about and I completely ignored, or something that you wish that we had talked about today that you, you want to bring up? Anything?

So a lot of people who have HIV don't know that they can be infected with a second strain of HIV. So it is important for those— because people with HIV think, I got it, I don't need to worry about it anymore.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

There are 2 types of HIV. You have HIV-1 and 2. 2 is the one that is harder to transmit and takes longer to develop into AIDS. HIV-1— and that's most— HIV-2 is mostly in Africa. Not many cases have been in, uh, the United States, which is interesting. But HIV-1 Type has 4 subgroup— or has 4 groups, excuse me. M, N, O, P.

Okay.

A lot of people fall into the M category because there are 9 different substrains or subtypes of the M, and B is the one that we are aware of and that caused the HIV epidemic. So if you are a person that has HIV B, You can be infected with A, C, D, F, G, H, J, K substrains. And those are kind of a superinfection that people with HIV can have. And it's important because not all medications will treat all strains. So you might have— if you do get infected with a second strain, Or the second type, you might have to consider— you might have to be put on a second medication, uh, to be able to, uh, protect yourself from both types.

Well, we didn't get too much into your story, but we got into— I think here's the thing is our stories are so common, you know, our— but our recovery into recovered, as you say, um, story is a little bit different, and yours is very Right? You've you're taking on a professional role and an educational role, and you're really getting these things out here. And I just want to say something that you did say early on about making things public and talking about them really sets you free from it. And there's so many out there who are living in this shame-filled bubble that they don't want to mention they're a meth addict or they've been a meth addict. They don't want to mention that they're living with HIV. They don't want to mention some of the things they do, but I'm telling you guys, as soon as you begin talking about that, you're not shamed. You're kind of— you're— you are setting actually other people free who are waiting for somebody else to say it, you know. And, and so I just think getting out there and being vocal about it shines light on parts of yourself, and you don't have to, to be shameful about it anymore. You don't have to live like you're damaged goods because you're not. You're not damaged goods. You just, you know, there's just parts of you that are different. And, and you have— you're carrying a, unfortunately, a, a disease that is stigmatized. Um, but if the more we talk about it, the less stigmatized it'll become, I believe. So, um, you really, uh, filled us with a whole bunch of information, Christopher. I think, uh, we're gonna have to rewind this. Probably, and listen to it again. Um, but important points here for you if you're listening is learning everything you can about HIV. Also learning everything you can about keeping yourself sexually safe. If even if you're in active addiction or you're not, you're still getting out there and having sex. So this was very important, and I encourage you all to go to Christopher's TikTok and enjoy him dancing. Um, and his big muscles. Oh God, his big muscles dancer. There you go. Um, yeah, it's very enjoyable and very entertaining. Um, and we'll put all your contact information, of course, in the show notes. So thank you, Christopher. I appreciate this, um, very much so. I think that a lot of people are going to be helped by this episode, and I just really appreciate you taking your time.

Anytime. Absolutely.

All right, guys, we'll see you next week.