EP 2:14 Working With Energy AfterMeth with Craig

Hey y'all, very important discussion today for those of you who feel stuck, which is a ton of you based on my emails, DMs, and the sessions I attend. In a recent newsletter of mine— and if you aren't subscribed to my weekly newsletters, you can go to drdallasbragg.com, click on blog, and subscribe there— but in this newsletter I talk about the 3 elements of life, which are direct experience, awareness, and story. So for instance, With a craving, there is the direct experience— that is, what you are objectively feeling in your body— the awareness, which is observing the experience without any judgment, just that it's there, and finally, the story. This is when we get to choose the meaning and what happens next with the craving, right? We can choose an empowering or disempowering meaning to the craving. The craving itself is just neutral. It just is. So, well, my guest today is going to take that concept many levels deeper in helping you understand the 7 energy levels and how to raise your energy in a way that can literally change the trajectory of your emotional state, your life, and subsequently, of course, your recovery. You won't feel stuck anymore, I know that. So I am bringing these kinds of topics to you in an effort to show even more alternatives to your recovery. What Craig talks about is definitely not traditional or textbook or what you see most places. So I want you to consider every avenue possible to achieve your best and highest life and to choose and create the life you want. It is your choice, and today Craig's going to help you make that choice. So Craig's coaching is one way to get everything you want In your recovery and in your life. So enjoy what we talk about. The Aftermath Podcast is an outreach tool to help men who have sex with men break free from the addictive patterns associated with chemsex, otherwise known as crystal meth or Tina. I'm your host, Dr. Dallas Bragg, a former crystal meth user, now recovery coach. Here you will find a repository of tools and resources intended to eradicate the epidemic that is plaguing our MSM population. Please note that the views expressed on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice. Also, we will be talking about drugs and sex, so if you feel triggered to use, stop listening and contact your local emergency system and/or your support network. Let's get started. Hey, welcome back to the Aftermath Podcast. Really glad you are here. Hey, if you're a new listener, welcome, welcome, welcome. If you like what you hear, please take a moment to rate and review the podcast. We've got a lot of reviews. I was just listening, just looking. There are a lot of, uh, rates, I guess, ratings, um, in there, and I really love that. Really love it. It's getting the podcast to more people. Um, I, I kind of test it sometimes. I go to Spotify or some other, uh, some other places and try to search podcasts in a kind of an incognito fashion. And the podcast is beginning to, to pop up. Um, and I'm hearing more and more of you out there listening who found me with— by searching crystal meth help or chemsex help or something like that. Not many podcasts with that particular subject out there besides this one. So thank you for listening. If you've been with us through all of our episodes, I think this is probably what, 65, 66, um, something like that. Um, we're rolling along, chugging along, and there is no signs of stopping either. We have a lot more topics, a lot more lined up for you for season 2. But don't forget that there is a supplemental study guide available for every episode. The link will be in the show notes, or you can sign up for it to come to your email. by going to drdallasbragg.com and subscribing to my blog. There's a Facebook community if you want to join in the discussion. It's free, the Aftermath Podcast Facebook community. You can go there and tune in or chime in on podcast topics or what you liked, didn't like about the podcast as well. We also give each other support and ask each other questions in there. So if you're still on Facebook and you want a Facebook page to another one to subscribe to, try the Aftermath Podcast. Um, and don't forget, you can watch us on YouTube. You can watch us on Spotify too, by the way. Um, Spotify has video capabilities. But if you like watching a podcast— I'll be honest, I listen and watch all, all of my podcasts on YouTube. I don't even use Spotify anymore. So YouTube is not going away, but we do have a, a, um, playlist there of the podcast. The Aftermath Podcast or Dr. Dallas Bragg, however you want to find it. And I must say, if you search for The Aftermath Podcast, make sure your phone does not auto— autocorrect to the aftermath. It is Aftermath Podcast. So, um, there we go. All right, that is it. That's for my, my house— my housekeeping in the beginning, which I've been— I've had feedback that my housekeeping in the beginning is too long, and I'm sorry. Um, I will try to condense it some way or another. Today we are talking about energy, something— a subject that I so much love. We're talking about energy and how we can use our energy to get unstuck and unblocked and take our recovery and our life to the next level. And I'm very happy to have my new friend Craig Brucato. On the podcast today, I called him Bruce Bruscato and all kinds of other things in the beginning. I don't know what it is with me and pronouncing names, but we got it. Craig Bruscato. Yes, we met on Facebook of all places. Speaking of Facebook, and I'm going to let you introduce yourself, Craig. Yeah.

Hi, everyone. My name is Craig Bruscato. Dallas, I really appreciate you. Doing this, this is such an important thing. I am a certified professional life coach and a former meth user. So watching Dallas and his posts and his things on Facebook, I was like, oh, I love what he's doing because nobody's talking about this. Nobody's talking about chemsex and nobody's talking about what do we do after recovery. You know, we get sober and. Um, and then we get stuck, or I should say, I don't know about everybody, I got stuck. And so getting off meth was hell in itself. And then the 12 steps was amazing. But then I was like, now what? Now what? Now what? And I still wasn't quite happy and I still didn't understand why I was in the situation I was. So I love this subject and I'm so happy to be here with you discussing energy and how we can shift it. how we can, um, create the life we want and not be victimized by our thoughts, our emotions, and what we— our perceived thoughts or our perceived stories we talk about in our own heads that keep us stuck. So this is a great topic.

I love everything you're saying so far. And you said nobody's talking about chemsex, but you are, because your post got my attention on Facebook. You wrote a whole long post about chemsex addiction in the community. Um, it was so on point, and it sounds like that you are also helping men who have sex with men with chemsex addiction. Some of your clients, former addicts as well? Or—

I do, you know, I do. When I, when I got sober, I went to school for, um, to become a drug and alcohol counselor. And so when I first got sober, that was a great tool for me to start learning about addiction on a deeper level. And then the treatment center I worked in, my really good friend was the clinical director and she allowed me to create LGBT recovery groups within the treatment center. That's when I realized how large chemsex was. And I knew, I knew I was doing that. I knew what I was doing, but I didn't know it's pretty widespread. And so that's what started me on that journey. And I love doing that work. When I moved into the coaching space of it, I personally used energy to make to take myself to the next level because I was like, okay, now what? Now what? Now what? What am I doing? I'm still having these crazy thoughts. I'm still having these crazy emotions, and it wasn't until I went to school at IPEC when I learned about the seven levels of energy and how I could shift. My thoughts, my emotions, and my lives— in my life, excuse me. Then a new, a new level of recovery happened for me, and it was more of a spiritual recovery. And I don't mean that like in a woo-woo sense. I just mean it in like a practical way to be able to understand energetically where I am, what I'm experiencing. Am I choosing this, or am I victim to this? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I learned through this kind of work is that, um, you can't create or destroy energy. You can only shift it. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

So, um, when either we're in catabolic energy, which is that destroying force, or we're in anabolic energy, which is that creative, um, high energy, high vibe energy, and we're either in one or the other. And so those 7 levels of energy fall within, within both of those categories. And so that's— yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, so I want to get into all that real hard, but let's talk first, if you don't mind. Share with— if you can share with us a little bit about your background with crystal meth, because I love sharing stories. I do. I love sharing the stories of people, but I really love sharing kind of an example of this person was where you are, listener. You know, you may be at the beginning of, of quitting crystal meth. This person was where you are. Now he's a certified life coach with a business called The Rising Rainbow, right? Good name, right? Right, The Rising Rainbow, and helping men, you know, go to the next level in their life. And so I just like to portray— I'd just like to show like what is possible for people listening. So if you could just talk a little bit about your experience and then how you, how you quit, how did you, how did you break free from it?

Yeah, I love that. Thank you for asking. Um, you know, I, I started back in the '80s. They called it, um, ice. That's what we were calling it back then, but it was crystal meth. And I started doing that, uh, as a teenager. And, um, back in the '80s, you weren't allowed to be gay, at least in the family I grew up in, you weren't allowed to be gay. Um, the AIDS epidemic was at its, at its peak at that time. Um, I remember I lived in Southern California then and just, um, God hates fags banners and people protesting. And it was just, it was just a rough time to be, to be a teenager. But, um, my crystal meth use started then, um, and I bottomed out really quickly. For some reason, I stopped. And I went probably from like 18 to around my late 30s, like 35, 36, 37. And then I randomly picked it up again.

Hmm.

At first, I was able to function with it. I think many of us have that same story. I was also married at that time to a woman. knowing I was gay, right?

Mm-hmm.

And so it made my drug use worse. Um, after, after my marriage ended, it really, really took a toll on me. That's when the chemsex part really peaked. Um, I was going into sex parties, bathhouses, and strangers, and, um, all, all of the things that many of us talk about that we do. I was still not willing to be myself. I was still afraid of what people would think of me. And that chemsex gave me that like, oh, I can do this. Why didn't I do it? So that's, that's where it took me. The result of that was I felt more, more alone, terrible about myself.

Mm-hmm.

Um, I was afraid that I was never going to be able to find a man to have intimacy with, to share intimacy with. Um, you know, sex with strangers, it's just, it's very transactional. And especially if you're on meth and poppers and GHB and the list goes on all at once, it's really just, you know, you don't really care who the person is at that point. Um, or I didn't. So anyway, um, how I stopped doing it was, um, you know, I have, I have children and grandchildren now, um, but I was, I was doing it, um, and I had a brand new grandchild. And my last time I used, I had gone out and I don't even remember how I got there. I went from a bar to a drug dealer's house to a god-awful place. And this is after I had been— this was after I had already tried sobriety. Like, this was not my first attempt. Like, I had tried to be sober before. So anyway, the— just, you never know what it's going to take. But for me, it was just I couldn't imagine doing this to my family anymore. They were mortified. I was supposed to be somewhere and I was not. They were scared to death, and I thought, you know, and I remember my sister saying to me, "You know, I understand you have you're an addict, and I understand these things about you. But look what you're doing to other people. Look what you're doing to your kids." And I thought, okay. And I don't know why that time because I had done many other things prior to that, probably to them that they they could remember. But Um, for some reason that time I was like, okay, no matter what, I'm gonna figure this out. And so, um, I had some really good friends that were in recovery. I didn't go to a treatment center. Um, I did it the old-fashioned way with AA and, um, with some really good support systems. And I did some therapy, I did some EMDR work, some trauma work, things like that.

Nice.

Then I went to school to be a drug and alcohol counselor around that time, and that's when I— that's when it shifted. And so that's been about 12 years now.

Wow. Wow. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Um, one thing I wanted to kind of double-click on that you said was you were lonely, so you did meth, but it made you more alone. You wanted sexual connection, so you did meth But then you, then you were sexually gutted, is what I call it. You didn't, you didn't use that word, but this is something that if you're listening, what meth will do, or even if maybe— I wonder if there's some people who are listening who haven't tried it yet, you know, who are thinking about it. Um, and the reasons for it could be, you know, I want connection. But what happens is whatever you want that you think you're getting from crystal meth, it actually is doing the complete opposite, right? When you want connection and that's your way of connecting, then you're left disconnected with yourself, with your body, with reality, with every— with everyone else. And like you said, you were lonely, but then it's— let it— crystal meth leaves you all alone, right?

It's, it's dancing with the devil. It really is. And you, and you Um, you know, I remember looking in the mirror and I had no more light in my eyes. My soul was just gone. I had no more light. And I've seen it in other crystal meth users. There's no light left.

Yeah.

And, you know, when we're talking about being alone and lonely, those are two different— those are two different things. But it was also the shame thing that, that, um, for gay men, for myself particularly, like, it wasn't okay to be gay. It wasn't okay to have sex with And chemsex made it where I could actually go do it.

Oh, right. Yes.

So it had, it had that allure to it. And I think when you, when you just spoke about, um, maybe people that haven't tried it yet, um, that's what the allure is. That's, that's, that's what that reel is that brings us in, um, or at least me.

Yeah, yeah. It— you do it to feel sexually free, but then it leaves you again, sexually gutted, sexually, sexually handcuffed. You know, it just does the complete opposite of what you think you're getting out of it.

Right, right. I'm curious to how many, um, crystal meth users even realize when they're going, when they're going into it, um, what's gonna happen. No, I don't. I didn't.

Zero. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The best— some of the best DMs I get are from guys who say, I've been contemplating going to the chemsex parties, but I've been watching your, your, your content and now there's no way I'll ever do it. That's the— some of the best ones I get because that is one of the, the, the gaps we have right now is informing the younger guys, this is what you're getting into if you do this. You know, this is portrayed to you as a sex drug. And, and, but it ironically leaves you sexually frustrated, sexually, um, broken. It's actually— it erases you. It erases everything. Your arousal template. It just, it just fucks you completely up sexually.

It does.

And it's so— it might be— it is, again, it's one of those instant gratification things. But if we could just get some of this information in front of guys who haven't used yet You know, because like when I, I tried it, and probably you, I mean, you were a teenager, um, but you know, I didn't know. I had no idea what would— what it would do, that it would make me— he, the guy didn't like educate me, you know. He just handed me a pipe and G, and he was naked, and I wanted to fuck, right? You know, but I didn't— he didn't say, oh, by the way, you're going to be up for the next 3 days, right?

Right.

You know, he, he was off doing more chemsex. and left me at home totally fucking confused and walking around like, you know, like I, I not only could not, I not sleep, but I couldn't focus and I, I couldn't sit still and I didn't know what— I couldn't do anything, you know. It's not like I could do anything like read or work or function, right? But no one told me that. Maybe if he did, I don't know if it would have made a difference or not, but it would at least prepare me, right? So, so you're right. I think if anything, if we are just— if you're listening to this and you're contemplating trying, just, you know, take everything into consideration and look at the story after story after story that we are presenting here of what happens.

Yeah. And I think, I think you're absolutely right. And that's exactly— I've experienced that and I've heard many other people experience that. I think my, my bigger question— I don't know if it's bigger, but I think my question to that is, what is it we're missing? What is underneath of this? So if you're wanting to go do that, what is going on with you? Can we identify the causes and conditions that are happening? Is it shame? Are you afraid? Do you not feel worthy? Do you, do you think you can't have a loving relationship where sex is very fluid and free and, and not based upon a chemical that alters you as a person, the other person you're involved with, and just your whole environment. It's not real. It's not even real.

Yeah, yeah. Yes, you're right. Um, asking why— what is the underlying reason? Why do you want to do chemsex? That's a good question. I mean, and part of it is too is the porn we're watching, right?

I mean, let's start there, right?

Yeah, especially if, you know, these, these guys in their 20s and 30s They've, they've grown up with porn in their, in the palm of their hands, right? And porn with guys who a lot of them are using, or they're replicating chemsex scenes, right? So you think, that's the sex I want. Why doesn't my sex life look like that? But I can get that if I, you know, smoke a pipe or inject or whatever. I can get that, that dream sex life that all the other gays are having, right?

And it's not even— it's not true. I mean, right? They have lighting, they have, they have angles. Everybody's paid to do what they're doing.

Yeah.

Um, you know, it's, it's edited. It's, it's all of these things that real life is not.

Yeah.

And then that's an addiction within itself. So then now you've created another addiction.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This— yeah, chemsex addiction has so many layers, right? I mean, we've been talking about that too, as far as like it's also a gambling addiction. Uh, it's like a gambling addiction if you're on Grindr and you're trying, you know, it's like the spinning of the wheel is the— is like the, the refreshing of the screen is like the— you're pulling the lever. Yeah, you know, there's a gambling addiction to this too.

Yeah, it's definitely, it's definitely a compulsive thing. And I believe that, um, that porn probably sets it off if you are an addict already. Um, it can, it can, it can set that whole addiction off, you start watching the porn, it sets that thing off in your brain, that addictive thing. The Grindr starts, you're sexting with other men, um, and then you may not be using yet, but it's coming.

Yeah.

So I think it's really important if you are recovering from that, that these are your triggers and you know what to look for. And so if you're going to start, if you start on the porn, you know, uh, what's going on. What's missing? What am I feeling right now? Can I, can I, um, can I sit with myself? Can I feel what's going on with me? Um, and what would I like to experience? How do I shift this?

Mm-hmm.

Many times it could be boredom. It could be, oh, I can't find a partner. It can be, you know, I'm just horny, whatever, whatever it is. And but typically we're not really addressing, um, what we truly want.

Yeah.

And then aligning ourselves to that.

Yes, yes. So let's talk about that because it sounds like this kind of— I, I, I saw some of that wording in your, your content in terms of aligning to your purpose, and it's aligning to who you really are and what you really want. So if you could First, uh, tell us what IPEC certification means that you have, um, and then what your approach is to coaching. And let's just dive into that.

Yeah, so, um, IPEC, um, IPEC Coaching, it's a school obviously, and, um, they certify professional coaches. And, um, Dr. Bruce Schneider is the one who founded IPEC.

Oh.

And the 7 levels of energy. And so with the 7 levels of energy, it, it shows how we're showing up in our life. And, you know, level 1 is victim energy, level 7 is sort of oneness with the universe, and then all the other levels are in between there. We're also experiencing— I, I talked about earlier, um, catabolic energy, which is our lower vibe energy. and anabolic energy, which is our creative forces. And so depending upon our, our situation, we're always in one of these levels, every single one of us, and we're probably experiencing them, each level, throughout the day at different times. The key is, and I think this is really good for gay people, is to take the judgment out of it. I'm experiencing catabolic energy right now, so I'm going to judge it. And so, it's learning how to judge the energy. It's learning how to, excuse me, not judge the energy and just experience it.

Okay.

And understanding, am I doing it by choice? Am I experiencing this by choice or is it because it's my default?

Okay. So, give me some examples. Anabolic energy. If I'm experiencing anabolic energy, what does that mean? How do I know that?

Yeah. You're experiencing happiness, peace, joy. You are probably being of service. You are not judging life. You're experiencing life.

Okay.

You feel free, you feel alive, and you notice that people are just attracting to you. You're not chasing because your energy that you're putting out to the world It's just a high force of energy and you can feel it. You can feel it internally, exactly what's going on. When you're in a catabolic state, fear, anger, resentment, victim energy, all of these energies are going to be your catabolic destroying energy. And those are going to be repelling energies. So when you're experiencing those, it's repelling to other people. Now, if we take it a step further and we talk about removing judgment of that.

Mm-hmm.

So a victim, a victim level 1 energy, let's say that is happening. You know, it's catabolic. Poor me, poor me, poor me. Well, poor me, if you took the judgment out of it, could be, I need some support right now. I just had something catastrophic happen in my life and I need my friends, my family, my loved ones, I need their support. So that victim energy, that level 1 energy is useful. The key is to understand that I'm experiencing it by choice.

Okay.

Not because the world is bad and oh, and this happened and that. So it's just understanding what's really happening.

Okay, okay. So experience energy by choice or as a victim. So as a victim, if I'm experiencing something, it's— you're saying I can choose which energy to feel? Or it sounds like to me, if I'm in— so level 1, you're saying there's 7 levels. Victim is level 1, right? It's catabolic. I'm in that and I can choose how to interpret it, it sounds like. Is that right? Because I can interpret it as woe is me, or I can say I'm in need of some support.

Correct. You can, you can choose. Am I experiencing this by choice? When you're aware, when you have to become aware of it, you become aware of yourself. Am I experiencing this by choice because I'm choosing it, or is it my default? Is this the story I'm telling myself? I'm so used to this story and I'm back here again.

Okay.

I.e., chemsex. Let's just use that as an example, right? It's catabolic, it's destroying, um, and I, and I don't want to sit in this energy. So poor me, my life is bad, I'm not getting what I want, so I'm going to go and do something that, um, that I feel is going to elevate my experience in life. So that's, that would be it, that would be an example of Um, how it could work. You could also— okay, I'm experiencing this right now. What do I want to experience?

Okay.

Okay, so that's like the shift. That's the shift. What do I want to experience? So in this moment, what is my thought? What am I thinking?

Okay.

Once you figure out what you're thinking, you can choose a new thought that feels better.

Okay, choose a new thought, right?

And then so you have your thoughts and your emotions, and then your actions based on your thoughts and emotions, which is your desired outcome. Or the outcome may not be desired, because if your thought— if your thought isn't great, your emotions aren't great, your actions aren't great, your outcome is probably not going to be great.

Okay.

So it works, it works both ways.

Okay, so you're going to help me identify if I'm in victim level 1 energy. So first, first I observe that I'm having it, right, or that I'm in there, and then I can choose. The first— the next question I'm going to ask myself is, what are the thoughts I'm thinking, right? And based on those thoughts, I can change, I can shift those thoughts. To shift the emotion I'm in, shift the action I take, and therefore I'm shifting the energy level I'm in. Is that, is that right?

Correct. And so, and so how I, so how I do it with my clients is, um, we have an Energy Leadership Index assessment that, um, Dr. Bruce Schneider, he created this assessment. And so it's a 70-question assessment that my clients take.

Okay.

And then that goes to IPEC. IPEC gives us the results. And so it shows each individual how much energy they're showing up— each level of energy, how much of their life they're showing up in based upon the questions that they're asked.

Mm-hmm.

And so we have a blueprint of where you are energetically at this moment, because you can change it at any time. And then we have something to work off of. So if you're experiencing 20% of your time in level 2, which is anger, okay, That's sort of— that's going to be your energetic stress reaction. That's where you— that's where you go automatically. A lot of people experience it in a level 5, 6, or 7, which is that catabolic or where the anabolic energy— and they're most of their time, they're vibing high. When something happens, though, they drop. And so taking this assessment, they get a snapshot of where they are right now. In their life. And then we can, and then we can start working. Okay, why are you in this? What's going on that's creating this energy for you? Are you in an energy block, or are you learning how to shift this?

So I can see this being helpful for those who maybe have been abstinent from the substance for a while, right? And I hear this all the time, like, I'm in sobriety, but I'm still unhappy. I'm still bored. Like, I just want to go back to— at least when I was using meth, it was fun, exciting, unpredictable, right? It was, it was at least something. This seems like I'm stuck, quote unquote. And you've used this word, you know, stuck.

Yeah.

So what I'm, what I'm seeing is this would be a really good tool for me to take to say, okay, I've been abstinent, I'm in sobriety, I'm in recovery. But now what is next? How do I get unstuck and kind of unlock a new potential for myself through managing my energy levels?

Correct.

Right.

100%. 100%. The, the being stuck part is, is so much of what I hear. Okay, I'm off the substance. Um, and I, and I also deal with just gay people that are not necessarily addicted to meth. Um, but in this context, we're talking about, we're talking about addiction too. Um, because it's useful with any of us and, um, learning how to access our lives and creating the life we want. You know, what I do a lot is, is people are here and they want to be here. Yeah. How are we bridging this gap? And through our energy levels and through our energy work, we can do that.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting when I ask people about this too, kind of like creating the life you want? Like, who do you want to be next?

Yes.

A lot of times the answer is, I don't know, right? Who— I don't know who I want to be. And so when you get that answer, then you pretty much know why you're stuck, right? Because I don't know who I want to be next, right?

That's— you're, you're 100% correct. I mean, I will say very early in, um, my program is Who do you want to be? And let's create your avatar. What is your avatar? What does that look like? Who is that person? What are they saying? What are they wearing? What are they acting like? What are their emotions? What are they doing? What are they doing? Who are they being?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. So if you're—

go ahead. Yeah. It's not always an instant. It's not always an instant answer. So sometimes it's like, okay, they're happy. Or they're working towards a different career path, or they want to move up in the current career path they have, or maybe they want a relationship. Maybe they need to mend their ways of, of, of destruction that they've created through their lives. Maybe they want to unlearn old stories. that they've been taught. You know, we're domesticated, especially as gays, to believe we're bad, right? We're inherently bad and we're wrong and we're not supposed to be. And all of that is just a story and it's not even true. And so are you believing that story? Are you believing that? And because if you're believing that story, it's no wonder you're thinking this, and it's no wonder you might be stuck.

Yeah. Yeah, right, right, right. Okay. All right. So you've talked about level 1 is victimhood or victim energy. Level 2 is anger. These are catabolic energies. So what would level 3 be?

So level 3 is, um, is more like an in-between, more like a, um, I'm okay with this. Um, just sort of a— I don't want to say complacent, but it can be complacent.

It's not great.

It's not bad. And that's where Catabolic and anabolic shift is in level 3. It can be catabolic and it can be— and it starts to become anabolic depending upon what's going on. So, that's where the energy shift from catabolic to anabolic starts.

Okay.

Is in 3. When we get to level 4, it's more the service energy, more of, I love being of service. I mean, it makes me feel good.

Mm-hmm.

So then we're getting into level 5, which is like a you win, I win. Level 6 is a we all win. And then a level 7 is just a oneness with the universe, just a really high, just a really high vibe. There's no good, there's no bad. Everything's right. There's no wrong, and I'm just here to experience the beauty of all of it.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. And I, I— this is interesting because, you know, I, I say in my content a lot and to my clients as well, I mean, the closer you can get to level 7, the better, the, the faster you're going to get out of your, your addiction, your patterns. Um, if you just like— if let's just take one subject, which is you know, talked about tremendously here was just relapse, right?

Yeah.

Like, if you could just take relapse as, as a, as a subject— what energy level am I on as I reflect on it, right? So, because you can choose where you are, what energy level you're on in terms of how you're interpreting the experience of relapse. And if you're up here at level 7, nothing's good, nothing's bad, it's all working out for me. So what I just did in my relapse isn't good. It isn't bad. It's waiting for me to label it, right? It's waiting for me to, to, to give it meaning. And if the meaning is this happened on purpose, now I get to figure out why, then that speeds along your recovery process. Am I, am I talking out of turn or is this right?

No, I think, I think you're, I think you're very, you're very, very, very close with, with The level 7 of energy. The, the, what we, what we work on though is that with all levels, there's no good or bad, right or wrong.

Yeah, right.

We have got to take the judgment out of all these things because in the relapse, it's definitely a catabolic energy. And so we can sit exactly like you're just talking about it. Oh, um, poor me. But like you just stated, wow. I'm here. I get— now I'm getting a nugget. I get to learn something about myself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there's no judgment to that.

Love that.

Once that's lifted, now you're free to move your energy levels up. It's removed that block. I don't have to judge this.

Okay.

Um, and you know, even level 7 energy can be judged. People will judge that too. Let's— I'll give you a for instance. So say, Dallas, you're at level 7 energy, right? You're just one with the universe. You're floating along. Life is just— you're just here. Just— it's amazing. Things are— everything's perfect. Even the imperfect is perfect. And I'm here in level 2, and I'm mad, and I'm pissed off.

Mm-hmm.

And so obviously our energy levels are not going to align. I'm looking at you like you're out of touch, and this dude's up in the clouds, and I'm pissed off.

Mm-hmm.

And you're looking at me going, oh, he's in level 2. I see what he's doing. Now, when you get to choose your energy level, when you're in a higher vibe energy, you can choose to say, okay, I understand. You could come down to your energy, leave your level 7, come down to maybe a 3 or even hit a 2 for a second. Say, hey, I see you're experiencing anger. And, um, I understand that. And how would it feel to look at this differently? Or what would it look like for you to think whatever it is we're talking about and allow that person to make an energy shift? But you are very aware of what's going on. And so now you're choosing your energy.

Hmm.

You're choosing it. It's by choice. You're not, you're not falling victim To, oh, that guy cut me off on the road. Now I'm pissed off. Okay, well, maybe he was in a hurry. Maybe he was on his way to the hospital. Maybe whatever.

Okay.

Yeah. So it's, so it's really that reframe.

Hmm. Yes, I love that. And this is a skill. It's a skill that, that so many of us could really hone. Um, and that is observing the level you're at but not being consumed by it, right? Right. And, and like you say, not judge it, right? I see that it's there.

This is what I'm experiencing. What are my thoughts right now? Why am I experiencing this?

Yeah, yeah. And I love what you said about seeing it differently, because I think one of the most powerful questions that we can ask Is how can I see this differently? Um, which is a question that I get from— I, I gleaned from A Course in Miracles. I don't know if you've— if you follow A Course in Miracles. I do. Yes, I love it. But how can I see this differently is the question that has raised me up out of level 1 so many times in my life. It's just asking, how can I see this differently? Even if you feel totally victimized, if you feel totally wronged, if that person did do something terrible, even more terrible than, than pulling out in front of you, right, is, is how can I see this differently?

Right.

And then just wait, and the perspective shift comes. You know, you can say it's God, you can say it's a universe, you can say it's nothing, but the perspective shift comes. And if you can see it differently, like you're saying, this, this will raise you up to Raise your energy level up, get you unstuck. Because you're right, like when you're in this anger and you, you can't get past it and you're ruminating, you're thinking about, and then everything else in your day is clouded by that, that's stuck, right?

Stuck. And you, and you said it, and you said it, another great example of it was when you have clients or people reaching out to you saying that I'm just not having fun. Yeah, they're off the meth or whatever, and they're like, just, oh, is this all there is, right? And so they're experiencing that and they might not even know it.

Yeah, right.

They're there, they don't even know that this is what's going on, and that, that, that they're so used to being in that victim, which is probably that level 1-2 energy, that's what's probably what started the addiction to begin with.

You're right.

What started the meth use to begin with. And so now you're off of it, but I haven't done anything. I haven't, I haven't recovered. I'm not growing. I'm not experiencing anything different.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Uh, like, so, so many people say to me something like, I'll never— this is a common one— like, I'm never going to have meaningful sex. No one's ever going to want to have sex with me aftermath, right? And, and yeah, yeah. And the question that you just asked is one that, that I asked too, that, that I think I, I get a lot of my stuff from somebody else, right? But Byron Katie. And that is, yeah, who would I be without this thought?

Who would I be without this thought? Yeah, yeah, it's true. I got to meet her, um, at World Pride in, um, 2019 in New York.

Wow.

I did. And she was amazing. She's really cool. I love, you know, when I remember I'd first come across that, her work, and I was not, I couldn't get it.

Yeah.

What is she talking about? Like, what is going on here? And so, you know, the teacher shows up when the student's ready. And to really uncover these things and realize that These are just stories we've created. Yes, we're just, just these little stories. And, and if you take the judgment out of these stories, they just look like clouds passing by.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

And, um, it really helps. It really helps shift that energy when you can get to that place.

That's right. Yeah. And so, yeah, asking yourself— so if you are asking something like, well, I'd never have sex again, or You know, why can't I stop relapsing? Or I'll never stop relapsing is a story, right? Um, or something like that. You know, who would you be without that thought, right?

And if you didn't believe— is that even true, right? And you absolutely know that that is true, right?

Right. Yes. Right, right. What is the truth here? The truth is, in this very moment, you're not using. That's the only thing true in this very moment, right?

Yeah.

It takes some practice, but I think working with someone like you, I feel like, could really help someone implement these practices in a way that makes sense to them. Um, and it's— it sounds like it is the work, right? It's work every day. And what, what thought am I choosing right now? Who would I be without this thought? How can I change this thought? Changing the thought Like you said, changes the, the emotion, then changes the next action, and then, then you're off, right?

Right, right. And if you're— and if you're even talking about the work to, to give the opposite of that thought, yes, once you do that opposite, yeah, in the work, um, in her work, um, that changes a whole energy shift too. Yeah. What I've noticed that the spiritual teachers that are out there people like you and me, people doing this work, is that we're all talking about the same thing. We're all being— we all have a different audience that resonates to us.

Mm-hmm.

And it's such a blessing to be in a space where I've experienced this and the idea that somebody else can experience The afterlife, the after— not death, but the afterlife.

Aftermath.

Aftermath, that's right. The aftermath life of that it wasn't in vain, it wasn't for waste. It took me a long time to get over the shame of the things and the experiences that I've been through. And I'm not ashamed of any of it today. Yeah, I know that it was there to teach me.

Yeah.

And to experience the life I wanted, because without that experience, I wouldn't be able to experience what I have now. When you're in it, I know it's really hard to hear that because you don't get it, but it's true. But it really is true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it sounds It, it, it sounds like it's a little, um, I don't know what the word would be, uh, to people, but I tell them it's a gift, honestly. You know, if you've, if you've been in, in meth addiction, it's actually a gift to you because coming out of it is going to be— you're going to come to terms and face all parts of yourself that you never would have otherwise.

Sure.

You're going to learn about yourself in ways that you never would have otherwise. And through that, you become a person you never would have otherwise.

Right, right, right. And that person that— and that person that's wanting to use again, or— yeah, the person that's wanting to use again, well, at least it was more exciting. It is so interesting how addicts, we all forget. Oh yeah, how we forget what it's like just laying there, just dead. I mean, it's— and then, oh, but that was so exciting. But yeah, right.

Yeah, I think the 12 steps call it what, built-in forgetter or something like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, okay, so moving forward, you've got the 7 levels. Um, we're creating the life we want through Not judging where our energy is, but being able to change a thought and get us— get ourselves to a different level, level of energy, it sounds like, right? Um, so what are— how are some— what are some ways I could kind of do this as a, as a beginner, um, before coming to you? Like, what are some things I could do on a day-to-day basis, maybe?

Yeah, so I think the first, the first part is awareness, and You know what I have noticed, um, and I've heard this from a lot of different teachers out there, and I also implement my own thing, is just that it's just your life force energy. Start there.

Hmm.

Um, there's 3 parts to it. Mm-hmm. Exercise, working your body, your physical body, mental part, or, um, would be maybe your spiritual, maybe meditating, getting quiet. Um, some people do it with nature. And then outreach, meaning to your community, calling a friend for coffee and really getting those 3 pieces of your life moving. But I've noticed that 80 to 90% of people start feeling better right away.

Okay.

Yeah. So that's the first thing is to, is to start raising your energy naturally like that. Now, what you're talking about too is getting a little bit deeper into thought, right? So it's all starting with these thoughts. Okay, I want to use, uh, doesn't feel good. So that thought, I'm getting this emotion, like, oh, the angst behind it, right?

Mm-hmm.

Now I know based upon my emotion, right, I can go back and forth and, oh, that was a bad thought, that's why I feel this way. What would I like to experience? My thought, what's a better thought? Um, I would like to be happy. What does that feel like? I would like to experience peace. I would like to experience love. What does that feel like? What's your action going to be based upon that thought?

Yeah, that's great. It's good. Um, so Yeah, I think if your listeners will have— you need to probably rewind this and listen again, um, maybe to get all of this. But so, because what I see a lot is you have a thought that you want to use, you label that as a bad thought. See, when you label it as a bad thought, you judge it as something bad, right? And then, then you start this To me, and, and, and correct me, correct me too if I'm done, if I'm going in the wrong direction here, but you start this snowball effect of feeling like you're having a bad thought, and then that leads to other things like, I'm a bad person, I'm not getting this, this is— what am I going to do, I'm panicking, blah blah blah. That snowballs into creating this whole story, and that leads you into using, right?

And then how do you feel based on that story?

Yeah, now I feel like shit, right?

So what am I gonna do? I'm gonna go use because I don't want to feel like shit, right?

Right, right. And it's okay if you, if you have a thought that you want to use, it's okay to turn that into something good. It's like we feel like it's bypassing, or it's, or it's not— it's— we feel like we have to punish ourselves to feel better sometimes, when really That thought of I want to use can be turned into something good without any kind of penance or without any kind of punishment. Like, it's okay because it's not a— it's just a thought. It's a neutral thought, right? That we get to decide what the story is. Like, I wrote a—

We attach the power and the emotion to that thought. Yes.

Yeah, right. Yeah.

Go another, another level with that. I want to use Okay, why? What am I experiencing right now? Yeah, my heart broken. Did I experience some trauma? Are some old stories coming up? What is that? I hear it so often. Oh, I want to use. I want to use like that. It's just that very like instant, like like it's like that charge thing to it. What's behind that? Like what's what's really going on? And so. That thought I want to use is actually there to help you. It's there to help you. It's there to help you stop, get quiet for a minute. What am I experiencing? How am I feeling? Is the story I'm telling myself true? Well, they never said I would be able to do this in my life. My life is— I'm not worthy of that. Like, I'm stupid. I'm this, I'm that. I'm not good looking. I'm not working enough. I'm like, all these, these things, right? Maybe that's what's behind the thought, I want to use. Like, what does that even mean, I want to use? I don't want to feel what I'm feeling, right? What are you feeling? Why are you feeling that?

Yeah.

So if we had— so really, that thought, I want to use, ah, the universe just gave me a little gold nugget.

Yeah, it's like a deep— like pointing you in a direction of something that you need, that you could benefit from healing or paying attention to or diving into. Right?

Right. Because you're 100% right. And what happens then is that instant thought I want to use starts to shift. So when you're having a stressful moment, it eventually will probably not be, I want to use. Oh, I'm feeling a little upset, or, oh, I'm replaying a story that isn't true.

Yeah.

Or, oh, that person just said this to me and it made me feel a certain way.

Yes.

That's what's going on.

Yeah. Right.

I want to use is just like a— it's almost like a trauma response.

Yeah.

To a thought or an emotion.

Yeah. Yeah. So if it's, if it's something, you know, a really bad day at work, or for some people, a really good day at work.

Yeah.

Right. Um, I want to use could be some— it's pointing you to most likely some story of I'm not enough. Right, right.

I just loved what you just said, not to interrupt you, but you, you also brought up another valid point was, um, I had a really great day at work. How many people have relapsed and used when their life is amazing? They have a great life.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I get to— I'll celebrate myself, and, and life looks so perfect on the outside.

Yeah, yeah.

But on the inside it isn't. So yeah, yeah, it's taking a judgment off of, okay, am I— does my— does the appearance that I have this great life, or does it appear that I don't have this great life? It doesn't matter, right? It doesn't matter. The core emotions and these thoughts are what's happening. That's what's coming up.

Yeah, yeah. And I have found, so people who Have a really good day, and then they use this because they're so—they need validation so much that having a great day isn't enough. Right? I want more, more, and more. You know, that's that addict kind of mentality is I want more validation. I want to go fuck five thousand guys tonight, you know, or whatever. And it's just, you know, it's like that's the. That's it. It's, it's still, you are not enough.

You know? Yeah, you're right. Now you're getting back to, I want to use what is really going on, right? I'm not enough. Yeah, not worthy. And why? Because I have a story, an old story playing in my head and my subconscious that I have not even been able to attach myself to what is going on. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. I— yes, I am. I need to prove to— I need to prove my worth so much that everything I got at work made me, you know, if you think that's good, now I'm going to go get noticed, you know. I'm going to feel sexy. I'm going, you know, I, I need to prove even more that look at me, I am, you know, I am enough. I need validated.

So there's a lot there. There's a lot there. That's a lot to unpack. And, and, and even maybe, oh, I look great at work, but my personal life doesn't look great.

Yeah.

And so I'm going to make my personal life look like that. And then we're talking about, you know, then after it's over, how are you feeling?

Right.

Now you're back. Yeah.

How validated do you feel now? Yeah, you missed, you missed a week or two of the gym. You, you've lied to family members. You didn't show up for what you're supposed to. Your work sucks this week. You got all those accolades until you used, and now your work sucks because you're barely there. Um, you know, we forget chemsex is not just the sex, right? It's everything that comes after. It's the whole package.

And now you've got a mess to clean up. And if you've hurt people along that path, now you've got more trauma, more shame, more stuff. And then now it's even harder to unpack. And then those, those messages get reinforced and they keep getting stronger and stronger every time we go back. That story, it's a new story created. It's more shame-based, it's more fear-based. And really, let's just talk about it. You know, everything's either love or fear. It's a byproduct of one or the other.

That's right.

So you're either living in love or you're living in fear, and really you're just living in fear. You're living in catabolic energy. That's, that's what's going on.

Yep, yep. Yeah, yeah, that's a good— I'm glad you mentioned that. Asking yourself constantly, am I acting from a place of love or am I acting from a place of fear, is a really another one of those big powerful questions.

It is. And that's an— that's an instant energy shift.

Yeah. Yes. So back to energy shifts, you were saying that kind of a basic question for yourself is, how's my life force energy? Life force energy comes down into 3 components. Exercise—

I mean, this is kind of like something I've sort of made up myself, just what I've noticed, what I do. What— it's just sort of my— also my personal practice is that For me, um, like meditation, that's my connection with the universe, God, whatever anybody wants to call them. So it's like a meditative getting quiet, listening to my— listening to what's going on. Maybe I can get downloads. Um, some people are into that, some people are not, but it really works for me. So that's, that's, that's that piece of it. Um, and then My physical body. I love hot yoga. I love going to the gym, bike riding, hiking, all of those things. So, so physical with the body piece of it. And then community. So talking to you, calling a friend for coffee, checking on somebody to see how they're doing.

Yeah.

Getting out of myself, maybe being of service somehow. Um, and, and so those 3 pieces, things start changing, things start shifting. You know, the, the problem with chemsex and addiction in general is that we're dopamine addicts, and that, that huge amount of dopamine that meth gives us, when that dopamine is gone, that meth is gone, we crash.

Mm-hmm.

And so what are ways we can experience this without experiencing meth. Yeah, exercise is one, meditation is one, community is one. All 3 of those will raise your dopamine and your endorphins naturally. So now we're learning how to naturally feel good, you know. Oh, my life isn't that great, I want to use again. Okay, so what are you doing? What are you doing, right?

How many hours a day are you scrolling? Right. Put your phone— how many hours, right? How much Netflix are you binging? And those kinds of questions, right?

What are you eating? Yeah, what are you eating in your body? Yeah, all of that stuff, it really, it really matters. And, um, and why does it matter? Because many of us have the inability to love ourselves. And so if we just break this down to like really learning how to love and care for ourselves. Um, would you tell your best friend who you love dearly, or somebody you love dearly, to go out and use meth? Probably not. Yeah, probably not. But you do it to yourself. Why do you treat yourself so poorly? Why do you treat yourself that way?

Right, right. Yes. Good. Well, Craig— I almost called you Bruce again. I'm just determined that your name is Bruce.

I don't know. Bruscata. Maybe you lived in another life. I don't know.

Bruce Bruscata, that's your, uh, stage name. That's right, another one.

Oh great.

Oh God. Uh, what have I missed today? What do you, uh, wish I had asked that I didn't ask, or a subject that we didn't go over that you wish we had?

Yeah, I don't, I don't think there's anything. I, I'm really glad we were able to just Um, like you talked about before we got on here, uh, just really sitting down like we were having a cup of coffee talking.

Yeah.

Um, because that's how I feel like this is gone. And, you know, I'm sure, I'm sure your listeners probably have questions for either one of us. I, I'm really hoping that this made sense to people that, that might be struggling, um, whether they wanted to use or whether they're coming back from a relapse or they're just under— not understanding why they're feeling the way they're feeling. I'm hoping this might even touch one person.

Yes. Yeah, I hope so too. I hope so too. And I know some of the subjects are kind of out of, um, maybe so out of range or out of grasp for some people, um, or, you know, if you are in the midst of, um, addictive patterns and a relapse cycle, your emotions are fucked right now, and this may seem scrambled to you or pacifying a little bit. Like, that's the word I was looking— not pacifying. What is the word I'm looking for? I don't know. But so it's a, you know, just off-putting to, to somebody.

Right.

So just, just kind of absorb the information and understand that, you know, that you're— if you have meth in your system, your energy level is always probably going to be at a level 1, you know, because it's clouded by chemicals. And your, your brain is, is out of whack. So, um, but for everyone else, you know, if you, you want more information, we're going to put Craig's, um, website and contact information, anything you, anything you want, Craig, we'll put in the show notes so people can reach out to you. Um, of course, you can also ask questions or join in the discussion under the podcast video, or Spotify allows you to make comments. Um, so, and you can find you know, find us on, on Facebook too. And, um, you know, just ask any questions, or if you want more information or want to work with Craig, please, you know, um, reach out. So Craig, where can we— where can we find you? Do you have, um, a particular Facebook page that you go— that you realize, or is that just your—

I do have a— I do have a business page, The Rising Rainbow, on Facebook. Okay. Um, okay. You can also reach me just on my personal page too, Craig B-R-U-C-A-T-O. Okay, on Facebook I'm there too. I put a lot of content on there. Um, my website, it, it, um, you can, you can, um, at the bottom of the website— I'm redoing my website right now— but you can put a comment in there and your email if you want to reach out to me that way. You could also do that one too. So, okay, good.

Okay, well, I've really enjoyed today.

A lot.

I think, um, this is, this is, um, a really good subject for— I think of beyond recovery, you know, or beyond sobriety or whatever, um, because a lot of people are asking, what is next? What's next for me? Okay, I've done the 12 steps. I've— I'm kind of— my life feels mundane, um, or I find myself with road rage, you know. I've said it a billion times, but a good way for you to measure your regulation emotional regulation is how are you reacting to people in traffic, you know? And, you know, what are you doing? Are you screaming at people? Are you flipping people off? Are you getting angry? I mean, those are the signs that your emotion— emotional regulation is a little bit off, right?

Yeah. And, and, and the reality is, is that the work isn't about— we talk about, yes, get off the meth, and yes, 100% get off the meth, but that's not what this is about, guys. This is This is not what this is about. It's about all this other stuff, right? All the other stuff. And, and it can— and even people that aren't necessarily even doing that, it's still the same stuff. And so I love how we're kind of like touching on all areas of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Love it. All right. Thank you, Craig, for coming on. I appreciate it very much. And for you listening or watching, we will see you next week.