Dallas Bragg, a chemsex recovery coach, warns that relying on a sober partner as a cure is a major mistake. Many clients stop doing recovery work once they feel safe in a relationship, then relapse when problems arise or the relationship ends. Real recovery requires continuous self-inquiry and digging into why you used chemsex in the first place, even when you feel happy.
Here's one of the biggest mistakes I see in chemsex recovery. Hey, my name is Dallas. I'm a chemsex recovery coach for men who have sex with men. I see it all the time. You guys get into a relationship, you find a great guy and he's sober, and you think, this is it. I don't have temptations, I don't have any reason to use, I'm so happy, I have— the answer is here and all my problems are gone. And what happens is down the road When there are problems, if there are problems, if the relationship fades, if they go away, guess what? You go right back into chemsex. Or if you open a relationship, you go right back into chemsex. That's because you let your guard down. You stopped being in recovery. When you get into a relationship, when you're in recovery from chemsex, especially if it's early on, you must behave. You must be in the state of consciousness as if you you don't have that relationship, as if you're still new to recovery. You still do all the work even though you don't feel cravings, you don't feel triggers, you feel like there's no way this is going to happen, you're having great sex, all of that. That's fine, but those are just a placeholder, a mask that's blocking you from doing the real deep work of recovery. Recovery is not Quitting chemsex, that is the easy part. Then you have to go in deep to figure out why was I using chemsex in the first place? What is there to learn? How can I heal? Those are all the questions you keep asking whether you're in a romantic relationship that's healthy or not.
