Dallas Bragg talks to older gay men using methamphetamine, explaining how adding a capital T to their Grindr profile suddenly brings sexual attention they crave. He argues that chasing external validation through the drug is a false substitute for learning to validate themselves.
To my more seasoned gay men who are trying to quit, Tina, one of the main reasons older men like me continue to use or start using late or can't stop using is that we feel unseen in the world, especially in our own community, the queer community. It's easy to feel like we have— our shelf life has expired. I know for me, one of the main reasons I liked the TINA world when I got into it as an older man was that all these squares on Grindr who ignored me before, I put a capital T in my profile and all of a sudden I'm getting all this attention. I felt seen. And then you start having all the sex that you always wanted to have. Or if you came out late, you feel like you need to make up for lost time. This substance is perfect for you. And if you are in the retirement age, You can miss work or you don't have work to miss, right? You can miss days at a time. You can, you can take time to recover. It is a perfect storm. What I have found is you don't feel seen because you're not seeing yourself. You don't feel validated because you're not validating yourself. This feeling of your shelf life being expired is a story. There are stories that you are subscribing to and identifying with that until you let go of, the substance will always be tempting. You want to start by asking, how can I validate myself? How can I be there for myself? How can I show myself attention? Let's start with me so that I don't need the substance and I don't need these guys. On Grindr to give me what's missing. Let me start within, and then that's the key.
