How to Let Go of Methamphetamine

Hey there, Dr. Dallas Bragg, recovery coach for gay men who want to break free from the addictive patterns of crystal meth and live their best and highest life. That is my name. Today we are talking about letting go of meth, really letting go of anything that you have in your life that isn't serving you, but you hold on to it anyway. If that appeals to you, keep listening. On this channel, you're going to find lots of resources like this to help you break free from Tina and attain your best and highest self. Also, don't forget to look for my podcast. It's called The Aftermath Podcast. Here on this YouTube channel as well, or anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. I drop a long-form video like this every other Saturday, so please tune in and turn on the notification bell so you don't miss anything. By the way, if you're interested in my one-on-one coaching program, it's called Recovery Alchemy. The link to apply will be in the show notes. Through weekly one-on-one sessions, weekly group sessions, and daily accountability, your life could look much differently in 6 months than it does right now. All right, so story time again, as I usually do on these videos. Imagine in the depths of despair, I was a sobbing, snotty, wailing mess. This was how I ended every bender, every Tina use. This one I remember very distinctly, and I cried out to the universe, please take this from me. I was in the midst of a horrid comedown. It was one of the worst because of what had happened. I was deep in my T-motions, as I used to call them. I could have won the Oscar, really, for this one. I had thrown myself on the floor, buried my face in the carpet, and was pounding my fists like a child throwing a tantrum. I was surrounded by the contents of every drawer in my bedroom being emptied, the closet had been rummaged through and emptied. The smoke detector dangled from the ceiling. The man whom I swore I had fallen in love with had gone into psychosis while I slept. In this psychotic state, he was convinced that I was a part of a conspiracy to frame him for murder. Probably sounds familiar to you if you have been in the Tina world. So, he had emptied and rifled through every drawer, every shelf, every box. He had taken my pictures out of their frames. The whole story was going to be detailed in my upcoming book, but I also almost died that night. He came very close to killing me. But in this stage of the story, he was gone, and so were the drugs, and I had nothing left but to feel the effects of my brain and body desperately trying to achieve balance again. And I was spiraling, and I had no one left to turn to but God, whatever that meant to me at the time. I was desperately seeking some kind of help or divine intervention. So I raised up on my knees and put my hands together in prayer, and I just asked, please, I am begging you to take this from me. I just couldn't understand why I kept using And it kept ending in a worse and worse experience like this. And, but I kept going back. And this was one of those rare occasions when my mind was open to hearing. Because just then, tiny whisper vaporized into my mind, into my awareness. And it said, I can't take what you want. It was like a heavenly mic drop. And when that hit me, I began to wail and I began to scream. I clenched my fists and I just, as loudly as I could, just screamed as long as I could. Because the realization that I wasn't ready to let meth go, that all of this going on was my own fault, that there was a war raging inside me that I could no longer control. Realizing all of this, that it was up to me to let it go, was too much for my system to manage at that moment. And I blew a neural circuit, you could say. It was a very, very traumatic experience. day for me. But the incident was the beginning of my letting go of meth journey. And even though in the days leading up to it, I had contracted HIV, and I also injected for the first time with this boy— I say boy because he was a lot younger than me, as usual, right? But soon after that, I dove into my meth use even deeper. But that whisper remained somewhere in the recesses of my consciousness. Think about this. That began my journey to letting go, but it doesn't mean that I didn't use again. But that whisper remained persistent until I eventually leaned in and I embodied that message. So let me ask you, are you holding onto meth? And what will it take for you to let it go? I've discovered on this journey that we're sharing together, That letting go isn't about losing anything. It's about creating space for who you're becoming. So again, I help gay men break free from addictive patterns of chemsex, Tina, and become their best and highest selves. My one-on-one coaching is called Recovery Alchemy. It's a 6-month intense program that can literally change your life. New— 2 new clients a month. Apply in the show notes. So let's talk about these sacred truths. There's 3 truths about release and renewal In terms of letting go. So truth 1, your complex brain is working exactly as it's designed. Often us meth users feel like we have multiple personalities. I'm sure you can relate to that. The voices belonging to parts of me who wanted to use and parts of me who didn't want to use grew so loudly and fought so hard in my psyche that I completely disassociated from the battle. I relinquished control of my life. And who had the loudest voice? The loudest voice was the part that wanted to use. I had moved into the backseat, allowing the internal push and pull to steer. My life was basically a clown car, right? And physiologically, these parts are often your logical mind and your emotional heart. These parts operate on completely different timelines with completely different desires. Your brilliant intellectual self can analyze a situation, weigh the pros and cons, and declare this needs to go with clarity— the part that doesn't want to use. But your emotional self, that tender part that formed deep bonds with survival mechanisms that go way back, it moves at its own pace and it has its own power. This is why you might know with absolute certainty that returning to certain apps or spaces or people threatens your well-being. Yet you still feel that magnetic pull to go. Your emotional brain remembers the moments of relief, the temporary escape from pain, the fleeting sense of connection, the euphoric recall. But that isn't a weakness of yours. That's your psyche trying to keep you safe with the tools it learned that you taught it. But be infinitely patient with the internal dance that's happening here. Because you are not broken. You're beautifully, complexly human. It's a part of the human experience. The trick is, the life hack is here, is honoring both voices within you. The wise one pointing toward health and the wounded one still seeking safety in familiar places. Because this is where many of you are stuck. You are demonizing the part of you that wants to use when it is only trying to protect and serve you. You've turned against yourself. And so I want you to let go and let love have its way. Love both parts. If you want to know more about that, I'm happy to work with you. Truth 2, growth always comes disguised as challenge. So letting go is not easy and it's not comfortable. People on the outside might say, well, letting go of meth should be easy. No. It's because you aren't letting go of just meth. When you try to let it go, you realize it has its tentacles wrapped around so many other facets of your life, it pulls everything with it. Letting go of meth means letting go of everything you have come to believe you are. This person with stories and narratives. Listen, recovery is the intricate untangling of meth from this persona That outside life has created this you that you think you are, and this requires challenge. It's a challenge you've been called to endure to bring out the best and highest version of yourself. The untangling for me looked like leaving certain friendships, leaving certain familiar family relationships, groups, and rewiring how I cope with life, how I cope with the unwanted emotions that I had been running from all those years. People were hurt; people were. People were angry. I was isolated. I felt more alone than ever. And how do I face the raw bundle of nerves left behind by meth's protection? Meth is protecting you, protecting you from what you don't want to feel. I fiercely resisted facing those feelings. And I used to think this pushback meant that I was doing something wrong, but now I understand it was proof That I was doing something very profound. Every meaningful transformation in your life will bring temporary discomfort and resistance. It doesn't make sense, but you resist giving up meth because you know subconsciously what's underneath. The key to learning to distinguish between short-term growing pains that lead to long-term freedom and the false comfort that delivers increasing suffering over time. Your old patterns offered immediate relief, but extracted a price that compounded every day. Your new choices might feel tender initially or resisting, but they're building a foundation for authentic joy. I know you wanna feel joy again and genuine connection with other people. All right, truth 3, healing happens in layers. Many of us have this idea that letting go in recovery means instant happiness and instant contentment. Wrong. In my experience, once I've let something go, I find it has been blocking something deeper underneath. A deeper layer of trauma comes up. I've come to realize that I was subconsciously holding on to meth because I intuitively knew what lied beneath, what was lying beneath it. As you release your attachment to certain behaviors, you might discover why you adopted those behaviors in the first place. To cope with trauma, to distract from facing fear or anger or pain, to protect yourself from the hurt that's been bubbling up all your life. This would be called a maladaptive coping mechanism, which is what your Tina use is all about. Typically fueled by shame. You've rejected a part of yourself. You've rejected a part of yourself that blocked you from getting love. Now you're rejecting a part of yourself, the meth part. And it's just a continuing cycle. As you work through the shame, childhood wounds might surface. They're going to ask for your attention because each layer of letting go reveals the next invitation for growth. And instead of seeing this as an endless burden, I want you to try to experience it as your psyche's intelligence finally feeling safe enough to show you what's been waiting, what's been needing to be healed. You're not accumulating more problems. You're uncovering the root patterns that were always there, finally ready to be transformed into wisdom, healing. So let's talk about replacement, letting in while letting go. True transformation isn't just about release. It's about conscious cultivation. Let me explain that. Letting go allows you to be deliberate about filling the space left by the unwanted memories, by the narratives, by the resentments. All of that stuff you need to let go of. And now you're— now you want to fill that space intentionally. You now become the author of your own narrative. As you create space by letting go of what no longer serves you, I want you to actively invite in what nourishes your highest self. But you have to know who that highest self is. Which is why I have a prophetic vision exercise in my program. You need to know who it is you are. How do you show up after meth? So also seek out connections that celebrate your authentic spirit. Fill your space with true connections. Explore intimacy that doesn't require substances to feel safe. Develop relationships where you can be completely yourself without performing or pretense. The goal isn't to become someone with fewer attachments, but to become someone whose attachments, what you're attached to, serve your greatest good and deepest joy. So here's a practice. It's a ceremony of conscious release. So this week, I want to invite you to create a small but meaningful ceremony around something you're ready to release. What is no longer serving you? Maybe it's deleting a contact that no longer serves your growth, removing a trigger from your environment, or simply changing a daily routine that keeps you tethered To who you used to be. Before the release, pause, place your hand on your heart, speak to whatever you're letting go with genuine gratitude. Thank you for trying to keep me safe. Thank you for the role you played in my survival. You can say this to meth, to the meth part. I honor what you gave me, and I'm ready to find some new ways to meet the same needs you're helping me meet. That's the key. Then as you consciously choose to release it, immediately do something that celebrates who you're becoming. Call somebody who sees the light inside you. Spend time in nature, create something beautiful, art, or simply sit in quiet appreciation of your courage. This teaches your nervous system that letting go isn't about loss. It's about making space for magic. You are teaching your nervous system to calm down and allow you to let go. So remember, you're not healing despite your past experiences. You're healing because of them. Right? Every single thing that brought you to this moment was preparing you for who you're becoming. Your journey is uniquely yours. Every experience, even the challenging ones, even the meth ones, it contributes to your evolution. So I want you to trust the process. I want you to trust yourself. And I want you to trust that you are exactly where you need to be, when you need to be, and the right people are Here to help. Trust that process, lean into it, breathe, and know you're on your way out. All right. Love you. See you in 2 weeks.